


Terror and Healing

by panskiss123



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-20 17:42:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 62
Words: 197,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1519556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panskiss123/pseuds/panskiss123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the terror of Peeta's torture in the Capitol reaches an all time high, he wonders if there is ANY chance of ever coming back to a normal life. Rated M for graphic scenes, LOTS of language, and explicit sexual scenes. Plz do NOT read if easily offended! And as always, please R&R! Thnx! (Note: I'm writing this in parts so the chapters may seem a little long- title may change)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Just so everyone knows, this fic follows the story's original design a little bit then takes off in its direction. I do not own these character! Thanks!  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Peeta winced as he limped back to his cell. He hadn’t been able to take off his prosthetic leg for weeks now and he was really feeling it in his muscles. Of course, he decided this pain was ok because it distracted him from everything else they had done to him. After his warning to Katniss and the rebels, Snow’s men had beaten him within an inch of his life. Bruises covered his handsome face, his blonde curls were matted with blood, and his wrists and ankles bore the sign of thick and heavy chains. He had given up on a rescue. He hoped Katniss would be safe. He thought about her day and night, praying that she would lead the rebels to victory. His mockingjay. His girl on fire. 

When he returned to the cell, he heard pained screams coming from the cell next to him. There was the sound of rushing water and more agonized screams. Peeta winced and continued to his cell, keeping his head bowed and not saying a word. During their first week in captivity, Peeta learned the hard way that he couldn’t protest at the other prisoners’ treatment. It only made things worse for all of them. To the left of him he saw a shy face peering through the bars.

“Alright Peeta? “

“Still alive, Annie. You?”

“Still alive,” she muttered. He nodded and entered his cell, noticing immediately that something was wrong.   
His cell was dark, save for a beam of light that illuminated a figure in the middle of the room. Whoever it was, was chained by the wrists and their head was hanging on their chest. Peeta could make out long dark hair and he edged closer. 

“What the hell-“ it was a young woman, he could see, her clothes nearly tattered to rags and her slender form was shivering uncontrollably. Peeta approached the woman and stared down at her, all of a sudden feeling uncontrollable rage coursing through him. As the young woman moaned and took notice of something standing in front of her, she lifted her face only to find strong fingers around her throat and a face etched with fury glaring down at her, his usually blue eyes going black and cold. She gasped and tried to shake her head.

“P-Peeta,” she gasped out, “it’s me…K-K-“

“I know who you are,” he spat, his fingers squeezing even harder. Katniss gasped for breath, her vision going blurry. “You’re a filthy MUTT, is what you are! What the HELL are you doing here?” She shook her head but could no longer get any words out. Peeta released her in disgust, glaring down at her as she choked and gasped for breath. He turned to face the monitor above his bed and he glowered.

“Someone better give me a fucking good reason why she’s here!” 

“We thought you would like to see what has become of the Mockingjay,” a cool voice said from the other side of the bars. Peeta whirled around to find Peacekeeper Thread, from his district, leaning against the bars.

“I don’t give a fuck.”

“Oh I’m pretty sure you do. Since she’s responsible for so much pain, I thought you would like to see us end her. We’ll even let you help.” Peeta said nothing but his dark eyes flashed. The Peacekeeper chuckled and nodded and strode off. Peeta crossed back to Katniss, who was glancing around in fear and confusion.

“What? Not the accommodations you were thinking of? Sorry to disappoint you, little mockingjay, these ARE the best that the President can offer.” Katniss’s eyes welled with tears at Peeta’s cold tone.

“Peeta…what have they done to you?”

“Like you care,” he snarled. “You couldn’t wait to get rid of me! You wanted to kill me! You wanted to kill them all!” Further confusion crossed her face and Peeta grew even angrier.

“Stop playing stupid! You’re a smart girl, Katniss. I’m sure you can figure it out.”

“I- I don’t--

“You KILLED them,” he shrieked before grabbing her throat again. She choked around his hold, her eyes shooting open, tears streaming down her cheeks. Peeta refused to meet her gaze. He knew she would try to captivate him somehow and there was no way in hell he would let that happen. 

“Go ahead Peeta,” she said weakly. “Kill me. Please.” This upset Peeta even more and his knuckles met her cheek in rage. She cried out as her head was tossed to the side and she shook in her chains.

“I won’t become a murderer for you. But I’ll smile when I watch them finally kill you.” Katniss fell limp in her chains. Whatever they had done to Peeta, they had killed the boy who loved her. All that was left was this angry soulless shell of a human being with black eyes and who spoke with Peeta’s voice. She wanted to die. She had stopped living and caring once he had been taken, then she had agreed to become the Mockingjay for the rebels if they agreed to rescue him. Now here he was, all but dead. He shot her one last glare before he settled on the opposite side of the cell. He curled into himself and leaned against the bars. He felt a soft hand squeeze his arm and his eyes shot open.

“How are you doing, Jo,” he said in a softer voice, sounding much like his old self.

“They haven’t killed me yet,” came her weak voice. “Wish they would hurry up already.”

“Don’t say that Johanna. We’ll survive this. We’ll get out of here.”

“I want to hope for a rescue but I hope she stays away. We don’t need her getting hurt.” 

“Who?”

“Katniss of course! She’ll come running to your rescue as soon as she can come up with a plan to sneak off.” Peeta snorted.

“Why put your faith in that bitch? She doesn’t help anyone but herself.” He couldn’t see her face but he was surprised when he heard her voice shaking with rage.

“Peeta, what in the hell is wrong with you? Katniss loves you. And you love her. What’s with the bitch talk?” 

“Things change. That mutt is responsible for the bombings. My home is destroyed. My family is dead. All because of her.”

“What the fuck are they doing to you?! Katniss isn’t responsible for any of that! How dare you talk like that?” From behind him, he heard Katniss cry out from a nightmare and he stayed perfectly still. She screamed and sobbed and still he wouldn’t move. He vaguely remembered when he used to comfort her while she slept, when she would cry out from the nightmares. She just used him, he realized. She had always just used him. When she settled back down and fell back asleep, Peeta squeezed his knees close to his chest.

“Peeta, is someone else in there with you?”

“Capitol scum they decided to punish,” he said dismissively. Johanna sighed and squeezed his arm again.

“Guess we should try to get some rest, huh? Hey Annie, you still with us?”

“They haven’t taken me yet, Jo,” came Annie’s reply. Peeta squeezed his eyes shut. Both girls sounded weak and frail. This was all HER fault. She hadn’t done a thing when all three of them had been captured and they had been in the Capitol for weeks now. She was probably off making out with Gale and not giving a damn about her friends. Peeta shot a glare at the still figure in the chains and he tried to settle down and go to sleep.   
A loud buzzing and bright lights started to flash and Peeta jumped to his feet. Annie started to scream hysterically and Johanna anxiously tried to hush her. It was their way of keeping their prisoners awake all night and Peeta was used to this. Still, it surprised them and Annie lost her mind at the sudden noises. 

Peeta kept track of the days by keeping a tally on the floor with his blood. As they were more determined to make Katniss suffer, they were starting to leave him alone, which he was fine with. Except for the screams. Katniss’s screams cut like a knife and were far worse than Annie and Johanna. He didn’t know why but he winced every time he heard the whip lash through the air, then her scream seconds later. He should have been enjoying it. Finally the precious girl on fire was getting what she deserved. They had showed him videos of District 12 being bombed and turned to ash. The Bakery had erupted into flames and Peeta knew no one inside had made it out. He watched as Katniss ordered for other districts to be bombed, he watched her laugh while she walked through their destroyed district, kicking aside bones as if they were dirt underneath her. Which they were now. Their home was nothing but dirt and ash. And Katniss had caused it all to happen. He didn’t understand why he was continually forced to watch videos of Katniss. At first they were simple images of her in her home, or in Victor’s Village, or some of her by herself in the Games. Then they showed him videos of the two of them together, then videos of Katniss and Gale together. Peeta’s fingernails dug into his palms as he had watched Katniss kiss Gale. 

Three days had gone by since Katniss had been placed in his cell and he knew she wouldn’t make it much longer. He tried not to look at her but when the Peacekeeper would leave, he would glance over to see her defeated form limp in her chains. Her shirt had been torn off completely and her hair was long enough to hide her curves. She didn’t speak and she didn’t look at him. He hadn’t seen them give her any food or water and he wondered how long she could last. Of course he remembered how resilient she was. She had, after all, survived two Hunger Games but then again, so had he. And he had helped her too. She wouldn’t have lived if it hadn’t been for him. 

On the fourth day of Katniss’s capture, Peeta returned from watching more videos of Katniss ordering more bombings. Something very strange had happened during the video, though. It had seemed to cut out for a moment and Peeta found himself looking at a very different Katniss, a sadder Katniss, as well as Finnick Odair. The room had erupted into chaos and while Peeta was strapped to the bed, they had all exclaimed that the rebels must have done something and they all hurried from the room. Peeta stared up at the ceiling, his mind racing. Images of Katniss filled his mind but not all of them were bad. Some were actually pretty good. For some strange reason, the good memories were clearer and brighter. The bad ones were sort of fuzzy and blurred. Peeta couldn’t figure it out. When the peacekeepers had returned, they acted like nothing was wrong and continued the videos. Peeta glanced down at his arms and scratched at the strange holes that were forming. Indeed, his arms were starting to look like those of an addict. He made his way back to his cell, deep in thought, until a piercing scream brought him out of his thoughts. Annie was clutching the bars, looking pained and she grabbed his ankle.

“What the--“

“Peeta, save her! Save her! Whoever it is, save her!” He knelt and patted Annie’s cheek.

“It’ll be alright, Annie. I promise. Finnick will rescue you soon.”

“Finnick,” she said softly and released him, backing away slowly. Peeta entered his cell and his eyes widened in horror.   
Katniss was strapped to the table with her hands over her head, her face screwed up the utmost pain, and she was panting heavily. Peeta’s eyes traveled over the peacekeepers, who held something in their hands. He felt sick to his stomach when he realized they were blowtorches. As one of them lifted the torch again, Peeta heard the bars on the other side being rattled.

“You bastards, hasn’t she been through enough?! Get the fuck away from her!” Peeta hurried over to Johanna before they could turn on her and he grabbed her shoulders.

“Johanna, are you crazy? Be quiet or they’ll--“

“I don’t care! I don’t CARE, Peeta! I don’t even know who she is or what she’s done but she doesn’t deserve this! This is…this is the worst--“ Peeta was alarmed to see tears welling in the victor’s eyes and he squeezed her hand. They heard the sound of the blowtorch and Katniss’s bloodcurdling screams. 

“Now she really is the girl on fire,” one of them chuckled. Peeta felt sick and he looked into Johanna’s terror-stricken face.

“Peeta…WHO-“

“It doesn’t matter. You’re right, no one deserves this.” He turned back to the peacekeepers and cleared his throat.

“I think you’re about done for today.” Thread raised a brow and lowered his torch. Katniss looked like she was about to pass out from the pain and Peeta could make out her raw feet, the burns making their way past her ankles. He winced and looked back at Thread.

“You better back off, boy, and I may forget that you said anything.”

“Why not just kill her and get it over with? Why go through all of this?” 

“Tired of seeing the Mockingjay suffer, boy? Would you rather take her suffering yourself? You’ve always put your life on the line for her. Ready to do it again?” Peeta swallowed and his eyes slowly moved down to find Katniss’s. His eyes widened as her stormy eyes held his, before he was hit with a sharp pain around his abdomen. He grunted and took a step back, pressing his hand to his chest. Thread nodded to the other men and they all filed out of the cell silently. Peeta watched them pound on Johanna’s cell for a moment before they all left. When they were gone, Katniss seemed to slump to the table, defeat and pain written all over her face. Peeta grabbed a full bottle of water from his bed and crossed over to the table. 

“Hey,” he said softly. Katniss didn’t look up at him and Peeta was glad. He had seen everything in those tossing storms and he didn’t want to see any more. He held the bottle up.

“Here, I brought you some water. I’m going to lean you up, ok?” When she didn’t make a sound of agreement or protest, his hand went to her neck and he leaned her up slightly, holding the bottle to her mouth. Katniss let out a little moan the cold water touched her lips and she drank greedily, sighing when he released her. His hand lingered on the back of her head for a moment, his fingers unconsciously stroking the dark strands of hair. 

“Thank you, Peeta,” she whispered. He found his throat was stuck at the sound of his name coming from her lips. It wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. He should have been angry but he wasn’t. He nodded and glanced down at her burned legs.

“I have more bottles. Do you want me to-?” he trailed off with a pointed look downward. She bit her lip but nodded and he went to his bed where he had several more bottles of water set aside. He set them on the table and glanced up at her from between her legs.

“Where does it hurt the most?”

“They focused the most on my feet,” she said weakly. Those did indeed look the worst so Peeta took a deep breath before emptying the bottle over her foot. Her screams shook the cell as he continued onto the next foot. He had just enough to pour up her legs and by the time he emptied the third bottle, she was panting and shaking. He came back to her head and stroked the hair away from her face. She looked up at him, surprised.

“Why did you help me?” 

“I don’t know. By all accounts I should be helping them but I couldn’t let them do that anymore. I know what they’ve done to you. And no one deserves that. Not even you.” Katniss closed her eyes and willed the tears away. Peeta was gentle, caring, like he had always been but he still admitted that he thought she should be punished and she still had no idea what had happened to him. What they had done to him and what they had made him believe. When she opened her eyes, he had collected the bottles and gone back to his bed. He shoved away the thoughts of angry mutt Katniss and instead, focused on the good memories, the ones where she stood proud and brave with her dark braid resting over her breast, her bow gripped in one hand and her latest kill in the other. Peeta tossed and turned that night but he couldn’t blame Katniss this time. He could only thank her.


	2. Chapter 2

II: 

 

Pain lanced through Peeta like a sword and he thought that’s what it was that was waking him up. Thread continued to drag the dagger blade down his chest and Peeta moaned in pain.

“You’ll think twice before you interrupt me during punishment of my prisoners, won’t you boy?” Thread backed away and Peeta panted, pressing his hands to his chest and withdrawing to find them covered in blood. 

“Get up,” Thread snapped. Peeta stood and Thread backhanded him, sending him sprawling on the floor. Peeta wiped the blood away from his nose as he turned back to the peacekeeper. 

“Since you were so eager to help our prisoner last night, I imagine you won’t object to our latest punishment for her.” He snapped his fingers and two peacekeepers yanked Peeta to his feet. They dragged him to where Katniss was once again chained to the ceiling but she was now naked and her whole body trembled as her eyes flashed with fear. She rested on her knees, her hands pulled high over her head, and her hair covered her curves as she tossed her head in agony. Peeta could see the lashes and bruises all over her and then he remembered something that may have been desire toward her. Of course that was in the past but still, it was a familiar feeling. He swallowed as he looked over at Thread. The peacekeeper just smiled.

“Since you have already done this with her, it should be no problem, right?” Thread jerked his head and the other peacekeepers left the cell. Thread’s hands caressed Katniss’s breasts and made their way down her stomach and across her hips. Peeta had an insane urge to smack his hand away. Katniss let out a little cry when Thread pinched her nipple, hard, and he smacked her in the face. 

“I thought you deserved a little fun. Don’t worry. No one is in the control room right now.” He motioned to the monitor before he left with a cackle and a grin. Peeta stood beside her, motionless. Katniss couldn’t bring herself to look at him but her body flushed with shame. With a sigh, Peeta started to unbutton his pants and push them down around his ankles, followed by his boxers. Katniss saw the clothes fall to the floor and she squeezed her eyes shut.

“Please Peeta…don’t do this.” Her voice was barely a weak whisper. 

“They’ll kill us both if I don’t,” he responded gruffly before walking around her and reaching out to touch her hot skin. She flinched at the touch and Peeta frowned.

“Trust me, I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to touch you. But we’ve already done this once, right? So let’s just get it over with.”

“Peeta…we’ve never…I haven’t…please--” 

“Don’t lie to me! I know you were pregnant during the Quarter Quell. Yet one more thing you took from me,” his voice was pained and tears were welling up in his eyes. That video had broken him down. Katniss had been pregnant with his child and then she deliberately lost it and openly mocked him. He had always wanted to be a father…and he knew he had loved Katniss for years. He had always dreamed of having a family with her. He remembered watching that video and how he had wept all night, dreaming of her red eyes and her smirk.  
His eyes shot open and they were clouded with fury. 

“You whore,” he spat, walking around her. “How many times have you given yourself to Gale, hm? Sleep with me, sleep with Gale, sleep with whoever else! Haymitch maybe? Finnick? You’re just a Seam whore!” Silent tears streamed down her cheeks as she shook her head. Peeta snorted.

“I bet you like this, being tied up, just waiting. I should blindfold you. Then you’d really enjoy it huh?” He gripped her chin tightly, his fingers pinching viciously.   
“What if I gag you, huh Katniss? Stuff a sheet in your mouth? Or maybe you’d rather my cock. I could fuck your mouth before I fuck you.” Katniss squeezed her eyes shut and tried to turn away but that angered Peeta. He slapped her across the cheek and gripped her chin tightly.

“Open your eyes, bitch, and look at me!” Her eyes opened but when they found his, he looked away. He walked around her again, reaching down to stroke himself. He moaned as he felt himself coming alive and he wished she had the use of her hands so he could make her do it. He considered making her take him into her mouth. The sight of her on her knees drove him crazy. 

“Shit,” he groaned quietly, feeling himself harden and grow in his hand. When he was ready, he approached her from behind and reached around to grab her breast. Palming it roughly, he leaned in and bit her neck and she cried out.

“Does this turn you on, Katniss? Do you like being dominated? You want me to fuck you so hard you can’t see straight?” Katniss tossed her head, pleading once again for him to stop but he ignored her and lined himself up with her entrance. She wasn’t at all ready for him and he bit his lip as he pushed into her tight walls. He gripped her hips as he thrust into her, hearing another bloodcurdling scream. He felt dizzy for a moment, wondering how she could be so tight if they had already done this before.   
He pulled out for a moment before thrusting back in and he threw his head back as he gripped her roughly. 

“Oh fuck,” he panted, feeling himself getting close. He released inside her and pulled out, backing away from her. He noticed his softening cock was covered in blood as were the insides of her thighs. He frowned, thinking it had to be some sort of trick. She couldn’t be a virgin. He grunted and without another word, he walked over to where his clothes lay discarded and he pulled them on, collapsing against the bars and closing his eyes. He suddenly felt fingers pinching his chin and he gasped.

“What the hell-“

“Peeta, you better answer my fucking question honestly,” Johanna hissed. He could see she had a black eye and her hair was falling out. “Who is in that cell with you? WHO?” 

“Johanna, let me go damn it! It’s her, alright?! The Seam whore.” He heard her gasp then felt her hand curl around his throat. For someone who had been tortured for weeks, she had a pretty strong grip. Peeta grabbed her hand and gasped.

“You listen to me, bread boy. I don’t know what they’ve done to you but you better WAKE UP and remember who you are! The boy who is IN LOVE with Katniss Everdeen.   
Go look into her eyes!”

“Johanna-“

“No! DAMN IT, Peeta, you have given up! You swore to keep fighting for her and you just gave up! You’ve lost yourself and you’re going to lose her! GO LOOK IN HER EYES! NOW!” Johanna looked crazed and wild and Peeta yanked himself free of her grip. Sighing, he stood back up and crossed back over to Katniss, who was sobbing in her chains. He stood in front of her for a moment.

“Look at me.” When she didn’t obey, he grew angry. He gripped her chin and forced her to look up but she kept her eyes shut.

“Damn it, Katniss. Open your eyes and LOOK at me.” She slowly opened her eyes and glanced everywhere but at him. He squeezed her face harder and she whimpered.

“In my eyes, Katniss. LOOK. AT. ME.” When her eyes met his, it took him a moment and then he felt like he was being thrown backwards, off a 12- story building. The stormy gray depths held so much pain and sorrow and love and slowly, Peeta’s own eyes began to clear. Katniss watched the clouds vanish and his eyes become bluer and brighter. She remembered those eyes. She hadn’t seen them in weeks but she knew them well. They were the eyes that could look into her soul and give her the courage to carry on. They were filled with hope and love and the will to live and survive. Katniss saw the moment that Peeta returned and she gasped as he released her and backed away, a look of horror crossing over his face. He continued to stare at her, his eyes wide and popping and his face going paler by the second. His hand came up over his mouth and he shook his head. Katniss watched him, baffled. 

“Katniss?” When he finally spoke, she knew he was back. She didn’t know how or why or even what had made him leave in the first place but she knew it was him. He moved closer looking hesitant, almost afraid. His eyes scanned her face and he shook his head, backing up but tripping over his feet and went crashing to the floor. The thump of his prosthetic made Johanna and Annie jump. Peeta brought his knees to his chest and cried, reminding Katniss of a young child. Peeta wept into his arms and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe it. When he looked back up at her, his eyes were red and streaming. 

“Katniss. I’m so…my god. What have I done?” She shook her head sadly when he finally looked at her, and he bit his lip as he moved closer.

“I don’t know what they did to make me…forget…I don’t even know what I’ve done to you…what have I done…” he swallowed as his eyes traveled over her body and he felt his face grow red. He ran to his bed and gathered his sheets, bringing them back to her and draping them over her quivering form. He brought them closed and his hand caressed her cheek, his fingertips tenderly stroking her skin. She closed her eyes and leaned against his palm as he knelt in front of her.

“Did I…did I hurt you, Katniss?” She opened her eyes and found him watching her with baited breath, a look of terror in his eyes. She couldn’t tell him.  
She shook her head no. He breathed a hitched sigh of relief and he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. He held her close and listened to the sound of her   
heart racing in her chest. When he pulled away, he pushed a strand of hair from her face and swallowed.

“How long have you been here?”

“Four or five days I think,” she said croakily, as if she hadn’t used her voice in those four or five days. Peeta looked horrified.

“And I can’t…why can’t I remember? Why are you here? What did they do to you?” Peeta leaned back to survey her and he felt a rush of anger and horror when he saw the many marks and injuries that covered his girl on fire. He willed himself not to look down, doing his best to respect her privacy. She was naked though; if they had done   
that to her…he would hunt them down and kill them all. His hands welled up into fists and he leaned closer.

“Katniss?” 

“I…I snuck off to rescue you,” she said quietly. Peeta stared at her and she lowered her head. 

“We were planning a rescue mission but I just couldn’t wait. After we saw your warning about the bombing, I knew they were beating you. I couldn’t…I couldn’t risk it. I had to make sure you were alive. I left the group and came to find you. And I was captured in the process. No one will be looking for me because no one knows I’m here.”

“I’m sure they’ll figure it out Katniss,” he tried not to sound exasperated. The girl put herself in dangerous situations for her loved ones. She had always done it, so why was he surprised she was doing it again? 

“What did they--“

“Peeta?” Peeta whirled around at the sound of Johanna’s voice and he caressed Katniss’s face for a moment.

“Is that Johanna?”

“Yeah. She’s in that cell and Annie Cresta is in the other one. I’m here, Jo. I’m with Katniss.”

“Got yourself captured did you, brainless?” 

“Seems like I excel at getting myself into these situations, Johanna,” Katniss sighed. Johanna chuckled.

“At least you’re alive. And at least Peeta knows who you are.” Peeta frowned over at her.

“Could I ever forget?” 

“Yeah. You could,” was all Johanna replied. Still frowning, Peeta turned back to Katniss.

“Did I forget who you were?”

“For a moment I thought you had but you came back to me,” she said softly, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her again. 

“Stay with me,” she whispered as she closed her eyes. He moved closer, pulling the sheets tighter around her.

“Always.” 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peeta hadn’t realized he had fallen asleep on the cold stone floor and the moment he snapped awake, he realized Katniss was not in his arms. He heard screams and immediately knew whose they were. He sat up and looked around frantically. Peacekeeper Thread was standing in front of Katniss, one of his hands roaming down her body while the other was gripping her throat. She thrashed around in her chains, trying to toss him off. Peeta jumped to his feet as fast as he could but with a prosthetic leg, he had a little difficulty. Thread was plunging two fingers into Katniss’s core and she cried out, fighting to clamp her legs closed but her burns kept her from rising to her feet and she gripped at her chains with white knuckles. Thread removed his hands from her, then gripped himself and squeezed his fingers against her throat. She gasped for breath as he leaned in, a cruel smile on his twisted face, and he stroked himself through his clothes. His grip made Katniss see stars and her eyes started to drift closed. Peeta leaped on top of Thread and brought him to the ground. His fists punched every part of the peacekeeper that he could reach. Thread chuckled darkly underneath the boy, his sinister laugh echoing throughout the cell.

“Remembered who you are then, eh boy? Remembered her? Sounds like it’s time for another injection for you.” Peeta’s face darkened in confusion and anger and he continued to hit him.  
Thread tried to block his face from Peeta’s blows but his rage and hatred kept him going and soon, Thread was unconscious. 

“Peeta!” Peeta’s head jerked around to see Johanna leaning against the bars…the OPEN bars! His jaw dropped and he jumped to his feet, whirling around to see Gale reaching for Katniss’s chains, a ring of keys in his hand. She hung limp with her head lowered on her chest and Peeta hurried over to help, wrapping the sheets around her. 

“Peeta, go get Annie.” 

“I can take Katniss,” Peeta argued. “You go get Annie.”

“Peeta! We don’t have time for this!”

“Then stop wasting time. I’ve got her.” Gale watched as Peeta pushed the key into the lock and scooped Katniss into his arms. Gale’s face darkened for a moment but then he nodded and hurried over to Annie’s cell. Peeta cradled Katniss in his arms, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“You’re going to be alright,” he whispered. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was faint and Peeta looked up anxiously into Johanna’s face. 

“She’s a survivor. Come on, we have to get out of here.” Gale was supporting Annie and Johanna hurried forward to help her. Gale looked back at the victors and frowned.

“We just need to wait for Beetee’s signal.” 

“The peacekeepers will be here any minute,” Peeta said through clenched teeth. Annie whimpered in Gale’s arms and Johanna shushed her. Suddenly there was a loud bang and a four-note whistle that Peeta immediately recognized. Annie gasped as something appeared on the wall in front of them. Peeta could just make it out before it disappeared: A mockingjay.


	3. Chapter 3

III

Peeta did not want to let Katniss out of his sight but upon their arrival at District 13, they were all taken to different rooms to be examined and medicated. Peeta helped Annie struggle down the hall when she stopped and gasped. Peeta whipped around but Annie was already running down the hall, crying Finnick’s name. Peeta watched as the two lovers collide, Finnick holding her tightly and both of their tears falling to the floor. Peeta watched for a moment, his heart heavy though he tried to be happy for them. Finnick walked forward and shook Peeta’s hand.

“Thank you, Peeta. Thank you for keeping her safe.” 

“I’m afraid I didn’t--“

“You’re all alive! You’re ok,” Finnick whirled her around, his hands on her waist and ignoring Peeta’s reply. Peeta smiled as he slipped off and was cornered by his old mentor. Peeta resisted the urge to punch him in the jaw. Haymitch smiled sadly.

“I won’t ask your forgiveness, kid. I don’t deserve it and I already got my marks from the girl,” he gestured toward the nail marks on his cheeks that have not yet healed. Peeta lets out a dark chuckle. Haymitch clapped him on the shoulder and lead him to a small room on the right.

“How is she?” Peeta asked as he jumped onto the examining table.

“She’ll live,” Haymitch said dismissively. Peeta frowned.

“Haymitch?” Haymitch was looking uncomfortable, which made Peeta uneasy.

“She, uh…she can’t speak at the moment.” Peeta’s frown deepened.

“What do you mean she can’t speak?”

“Well we don’t know what happened. Gale says when he arrived he saw Katniss unconscious and you beating the shit out of a peacekeeper. Do you know what he did to her?”

“He was choking her,” Peeta mumbled. “When I woke up to her screams, his hands were around her throat.” Haymitch knew Peeta was leaving something else out but he   
did not press the subject. 

“The doctors will be able to tell us more soon. In the mean time, they want to check on you as well. You might be able to answer some of their questions about Katniss when you’re ready.” Before Peeta could reply, the door opened and a young girl entered the room. Peeta’s eyes widened.

“Prim?”

“Hello Peeta,” she said sweetly. “Thank God you’re alright.” Prim moved around to the table and started laying out tools.

“I’m just going to get your vitals for the doctor, if that’s alright?” Peeta nodded and watched as she checked his blood pressure and his heart rate. She examined his hands and frowned when she saw his arms.

“Peeta, what happened to you?”

“I wish I knew, Prim. Somehow they made me forget. I mean, I honestly can’t remember a lot of the time I was in there. I didn’t even…realize that Katniss was in there with me.”

“I’m sure you protected her with everything you had,” Prim said quietly, squeezing his hand. He felt a sudden flash of anger but it disappeared almost immediately. Prim noticed the change though and she glanced at Haymitch.

“Peeta, are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Can I see Katniss yet?”

“I’ll ask Mom. I’m sure it will be fine. Wait here for the doctor.” She patted his arm once more before she left. 

“That girl will make a fine doctor one day,” Haymitch said appreciatively. Peeta could only nod, his thoughts focused on Katniss. 

 

The doctor took forever in examining Peeta. But the lashes on his back, the bruises on his face, and the cuts on his chest could not deter him from his love and after a final nod, the doctor released Peeta. Haymitch lead him down the hall to Katniss’s room and he knocked gently. Mrs. Everdeen opened the door, her mouth in a thin line. She merely nodded to Haymitch and Peeta and stood aside. Katniss was asleep on the bed, clad in a simple hospital gown. Her feet had been bandaged and her wrists were wrapped tightly with gauze. Peeta wanted to cry at how beaten and defeated she looked. But he reminded himself she was in the hospital, getting better. Not still in that cell. Mrs. Everdeen watched as Peeta dragged a chair over beside Katniss and gently took one of her hands in his own. He softly kissed it and held it to his face. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks as he stared at the motionless mockingjay.

“I need to check on Annie and Johanna,” Mrs. Everdeen said softly. “Look after her, Peeta?”

“With my life,” he said without looking away. Mrs. Everdeen squeezed his arm for a moment before leaving the room. Peeta sighed and rested his chin on their hands, his unwavering gaze determined to keep her safe.

 

“We’ve got it!” Haymitch looked up as Gale burst in, looking triumphant.

“What are you on about?”

“Beetee was able to tap the wires and get us the feed into the cells. We can look at the tapes and find out what really happened in the Capitol.”

“Do we need to know? We know they were all tortured. Is there more to know?” Gale gave him a dark look.

“For starters, what were they injecting into Peeta’s arms? Why is he forgetting everything? And what exactly happened to the girls?” Haymitch shook his head.

“It’s like the Games all over again,” he muttered. Gale chose to ignore him and he pulled up a chair at the computer. He typed in a password and focused his eyes on the screen. Haymitch said he was going to find a drink and left Gale to the videos. 

He made his way down the hall and peered into the window. Peeta was holding Katniss’s hand and whispering something to her. She continued to sleep but she looked peaceful. Peeta stroked her cheek and gently kissed her forehead. Haymitch heard a heavy sigh beside him and his brow raised.

“Checked on the girls already, did you?”

“I knew he wanted a minute alone with her. You can see the love blazing in that boy’s eyes. It kills me to know that it’s all an act to her. That boy deserves so much better.” Haymitch couldn’t believe his ears and he stared at the woman in disbelief.

“You really think it’s still an act? You think she would have gone off the Capitol and endured god knows what for an ACT? Lady…I don’t think you know your daughter at all.” Mrs. Everdeen opened her mouth to speak but Haymitch turned and walked away, still shaking his head.   
When he re-entered the control center, Gale spun around, his eyes wide.

“Where’s Peeta?”

“Still with Katniss. Why?”

“We need to do some tests on him. Now.” 

“Gale, what the hell is going on?” Gale leaned forward and punched a few buttons. Haymitch sighed and moved closer to the screen. 

 

Peeta was tossing and turning on the table, his hands strapped to his sides, his blonde hair hanging in his bright eyes. 

“He’s still awake. Play another one.”

“NO!” Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and two peacekeepers came around the table and slapped him. One of them stepped forward with a strange looking contraption and he disappeared from view. When the peacekeepers moved aside, Gale and Haymitch could see Peeta’s eyes being forced open by the contraption. The peacekeepers pressed a remote and a large screen in front of them flickered. Katniss appeared on the screen, looking around frantically, looking lost. Peeta’s breathing had gotten heavy, his chest heaving as he tossed his head. The image of Katniss was replaced by one of Katniss and Gale, leaning into each other. As Peeta watched, Gale cupped her chin and kissed her. Katniss wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer, and his hands slid under her shirt. Tears welled in Peeta’s eyes and a peacekeeper held up a giant syringe, instantly pushing the needle into Peeta’s arm. Peeta cried out for a moment, then began to writhe on the table. The peacekeepers stepped back for a moment, simply watching. When Peeta stopped shaking, his breathing was even heavier and he glared at the screen with black eyes. The image changed again to another of Katniss alone, pulling her bow taut.   
“BITCH! You Evil Mutt,” Peeta screamed at the screen and the peacekeepers all nodded to one another, smiling triumphantly. 

 

Haymitch turned to Gale, his eyes wide while he ignored Peeta’s cries on the screen.

“What the hell?”

“That’s what I’d like to know. Let’s see if Prim will bring him to the examining room and run some blood tests. Let’s figure out what they did to him once and for all.” 

 

Peeta continued to softly stroke her cheek, finding more comfort in it than he realized. Her dark hair was flowing underneath her and she looked like she had been bathed and medicated. 

“I love you, Katniss,” he whispered against her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open softly and Peeta felt his heart ache at the sight of those grey pools of confusion and fear. 

“Hey, you’re ok. It’s me, Peeta. I’m here, I’m not leaving you.” Despite the fact that she had no idea where she was, she instantly relaxed at the sound of Peeta’s voice. He leaned in closer and kissed her cheek.

“We’re safe, Katniss, we’re fine. We’re in District 13. Your mom and sister were just here taking care of you. They’ve bandaged you up and given you medicine. How are you feeling?” She closed her eyes for a moment and swallowed. When she opened them again, she brought a hand to her throat and Peeta gently lowered it to her side.

“You can’t speak right now, Katniss, but you’ll get better. I’ll never let anyone hurt you again, I promise.” She swallowed again and brought a hand to his cheek. He nuzzled into her palm and tears filled her eyes. He bit his lip and leaned in close, his lips barely grazing hers, when the door burst open. Peeta leaned back in his chair, turning red.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Peeta--“ Prim started but she stopped as she caught sight of her sister, awake. “Katniss!” She flung herself into her sister’s arms and Katniss wrapped her arms around her tightly. Peeta smiled as he leaned back, determined to give the sisters their space. 

“Oh my god, Katniss, don’t ever scare me like that again.” Katniss stroked Prim’s cheek and smiled up at her. Prim wiped her tears away and sniffed.

“Peeta, I actually came in here for you. We want to run some tests on you, if you don’t mind?”

“What kind of tests,” he asked warily.

“Standard blood tests.” Peeta heaved a sigh but nodded and he stood. Katniss’s arm darted out and she grabbed his wrist. Peeta sat back down and squeezed her hand.

“I’ll be right back. I promise.” Her eyes were wide with fear and he leaned down and placed the gentlest of kisses on her lips. Giving her a weak smile, he turned and followed Prim from the room. 

 

When Prim opened the door to the hospital room, Peeta was surprised to find Gale, Haymitch, Finnick, Beetee, and a doctor all conversing. 

“What’s going on,” he asked warily.

“Nothing to worry about, kid, we just want to do some blood tests to see what they were injecting you with,” Haymitch said, clapping his shoulder. Peeta nodded and sat down, immediately tensing up when Gale pulled out cuffs from the chair.

“What are you doing?”

“We need to--“

“NO!” Gale looked taken aback at Peeta’s tone. Peeta closed his eyes and breathed for a moment, then opened them again.

“No. Please. No restraints. Just…do the tests. Please,” he said again, imploring. Gale turned away but Haymitch patted Peeta’s hand.

“Alright kid, no restraints.”

“UNLESS you become violent. Agreed?” Peeta’s eyes bore into Gale’s and he swallowed. They were the same as Katniss’s eyes, which made it difficult to look away. Both of them had a certain hardness as well as a fire to their gazes as well but unlike Katniss, Gale’s were slightly cold and unfeeling. Peeta shook himself and looked away.

“Agreed,” he spoke in a hollow tone. Gale nodded and whispered something to Beetee. Prim bustled around with a tray of instruments before she faced Gale.

“I’m going back to Katniss. Let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“Is she awake?” Prim nodded.

“Peeta woke her up.” Gale turned back to Peeta for a moment and there was no mistaking the mistrust in his Seam eyes. 

“Let’s get this over with,” Haymitch said loudly. The doctor nodded and inserted the needle into Peeta’s arm and Peeta winced. The doctor assured him that he was nearly finished and he quickly bandaged the spot before collecting the vials and hurrying out. 

“So Peeta, can you remember anything about your time in the Capitol?” Peeta turned to Beetee and frowned.

“I know it wasn’t pleasant. But as far as specifics go, it’s pretty fuzzy. I remember being beaten. They sometimes liked to use dull knives. At night they would keep the lights flashing and loud noises so none of us could get to sleep.”

“Do you remember anything about Katniss?”

“What about her?”

“Anything. Any feelings toward her, any emotions, or longings--“

“I love her more than life itself. Of course I felt things. Longed for her. Thought about her every waking moment. Missed her. Wanted to know she was safe. Need I go on?”

“No,” Gale muttered. Peeta shot him a glare before he turned back to Beetee.

“Tell me what is really going on here, Beetee. What’s behind these questions?” Beetee traded looks with Finnick and Haymitch and didn’t seem to want to answer.

“Peeta,” Finnick said quietly, “we think they may have…distorted your memories. Your images of Katniss. Do you mind if we try something?” Peeta tensed up again and Finnick held up a hand.

“I swear to you, we only want to help.” Peeta’s eyes traveled around the group and he decided, with perhaps the exception of Gale, that everyone in the room was his allies and meant him no harm. He nodded and Finnick nodded to Beetee, who turned to face a large screen. An image of Katniss alone in the woods appeared and Peeta sighed. Beetee and Finnick watched him for a moment before they pushed a button and other images appeared. When Gale appeared on the screen with her, he sucked in a breath. Gale was far too close to her and she seemed to lean into him. He supposed it was the day of the Reaping because they were both dressed better than usual and her hair was braided as her mother had done on that fateful day. Peeta swallowed and started to feel pain around his abdomen. He groaned and bent forward, clutching his stomach. As the images changed, the pain increased. Finally Peeta couldn’t take it. He leaned back and closed his eyes, fighting off the pain. But with the pain came images…terrifying images of things people can only see in their nightmares. He winced and shook himself. 

“Peeta?” Finnick said carefully. Gale and Haymitch had gotten to their feet and were watching Peeta apprehensively. Peeta’s eyes flashed and they were no longer blue and clear. Instead, they were clouded and darkened and there was rage swirling around.

“Peeta, are you alright?”

“What the hell do you care,” Peeta snarled, taking Finnick by surprise. “You were in on it, weren’t you? All of you were. Didn’t bother telling me about your little plan, did you? So where did I end up? In the fucking Capitol.” Finnick glanced uncertainly at Haymitch and stepped back.

“Peeta, what are you feeling right now,” Haymitch said loudly. Peeta scoffed.

“Like I could rip you apart, old man. You didn’t tell me either. You were my fucking mentor and you never told me you had a plan!” 

“Peeta,they couldn’t tell you or Katniss--“

“Don’t mention that mutt’s name!” At this, everyones’ jaws dropped as they stared at the raving boy.

“Play it,” Gale whispered to Beetee and Peeta’s eyes flashed to the screen as an image of Katniss appeared. Peeta bolted out of his chair and grabbed at his hair, looking completely mad. 

“Stop it! I don’t want to see her face! She’s a mutt, she’s a filthy mutt! Don’t believe anything she tells you! Capitol mutts can never be trusted!” 

“What makes you think she’s a mutt,” Finnick said, his voice a deadly whisper.

“I’ve seen it,” Peeta hissed. Gale was on him in an instant. Peeta struggled violently but when Finnick and Haymitch stepped in to help, Peeta was strapped to the bed, writhing in his restraints.

“Let me go, damn it! I have to hunt her down! Don’t you understand, she killed them all!” 

“What the hell,” Haymitch whispered, hiding his face in his hands. Gale stood aside, shaking his head, attempting to block out Peeta’s angry screams about Katniss. The doctor re-entered the room and didn’t seem at all surprised by Peeta’s ravings.

“Tracker-jacker venom,” was all he said and the room fell silent. 

 

“WHY?” Finnick demanded as he paced the room. Peeta was still ranting in the other room and Finnick winced, running his fingers through his hair. He knew Katniss would never be able to handle this. He had seen her fall apart, they had fallen apart together. He knew she loved him, even if she wasn’t ready to admit it. 

“Tracker-Jacker venom is engineered to target the part of the brain that generates fear. The hallucinations caused by it can lead to madness and perhaps even death. We have reason to believe the Capitol has been injecting large doses of venom into Peeta’s bloodstream.” 

“He’s been hijacked,” Beetee said quietly. Everyone turned their eyes on him.

“And what the hell does that mean for us common folk,” Gale said irritably. Beetee chose to ignore his comment. 

“One of the Capitol’s form of torture, a memory, though once positive, may be deemed negative due to its association with the induced fear.”

“Speak English,” Gale said, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

“I think what Beetee means,” Finnick said patiently, “is that the Capitol can bring up a memory as a stimulus and then the venom is injected, associating that memory with pain and suffering. Judging by the marks on Peeta, they tortured him often. Imagine what sorts of memories they could have messed with. They could have even completely ruined his image of… a particular person.” Haymitch swallowed, looking pained.

“The Capitol planned this. They programmed him to hate her. Possibly even to kill her.” Finnick nodded.

“It’s the perfect way to end the Mockingjay and her fiancé. The face of rebellion and her greatest supporter and ally. Even if he doesn’t physically harm her, the loss of his recognition could be enough to drive her mad.”

“Shit,” Haymitch said, banging his hand on the metal table. Gale clenched the edge of the table with white knuckles.

“He can’t go anywhere near her then,” he said stiffly.

“But he’s obviously not all gone! He was just with us and he admitted he didn’t remember anything that had happened.”

“Including what he’s done to Katniss,” Gale said coldly. Finnick gave him a cold glare.

“Why do you automatically assume he did anything to her? Quit hating the guy just because he stole your girl.” Gale took a step toward Finnick, his fists clenched. Finnick looked calm as he moved forward.

“You want to try, Hawthorne? How many Hunger Games have you participated in?”

“I don’t need the fucking Games to measure my strength.” 

“Back OFF,” Haymitch yelled, stepping in between them, his hands raised. “Jesus. Go back to your corners. NOW. No, on second thought. Gale, you go back to the control center.”

“Why?”

“Because all of us are trying to help Peeta and I don’t think that’s your intent!” Gale’s eyes were wide and furious. Without a word, he hurried from the room and slammed the door behind him. Beetee winced at the sound.

“Well. Alright then,” he said calmly. Finnick frowned.

“Hey, is it a bit…quiet?” They listened and no longer heard Peeta’s cries. Tentatively, they pushed the door open and Peeta’s head jerked around, looking confused and a little hurt.

“Guys…you said you wouldn’t--“

“You got violent, Peeta,” Haymitch said seriously. Peeta’s eyes widened.

“I…I did? But why…why can’t I remember?” He sounded so frustrated and vulnerable and Haymitch heaved a great sigh as he plopped into a chair in front of the boy. 

“I’m going to explain everything…and you just need to listen, alright? The doc is in the next room, ready to answer any questions you have. But right now just listen.”   
Peeta nodded and Haymitch quietly told him of what they had discovered about his torture. When he reached the part about being programmed to hate Katniss, Peeta blanched and squeezed his eyes shut. He shook his head in disbelief.

“It’s not possible,” he said shakily. “I couldn’t…I could never…”

“We witnessed one of your episodes,” Finnick said gently. “And you were raving about having to kill Katniss. It’s part of the Capitol’s fucked up plan.” 

“Their plan to do what,” Peeta said desperately. Haymitch fixed him with a hard stare.

“To destroy the mockingjay, one way or the other.”


	4. Chapter 4

IV. 

Several days went by in District 13 and Peeta refused to go anywhere near Katniss. As much as he wanted to see her, he was afraid he would have a flashback and try to hurt her. He was convinced he had been a part of her torture but he couldn’t bring himself to ask her. And since she was the only one who would know, he left it alone. He paced outside her room, waiting for news of how she was doing. Haymitch emerged from her room one afternoon, his eyes somber.

“She’s asking for you again.”

“Tell her--“

“I have told her! I’m not doing it anymore. You grow some balls and go in and tell her yourself.”

“Haymitch,” he pleaded, “I can’t.” 

“There are monitors all around, Peeta. And I’ll stay out here in case anything happens. It’s been four days, she wants to see you. She misses you.”

“I miss her,” he said softly, tears welling in his eyes. Haymitch clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a little nudge.

“Then go.” Peeta took a deep breath before opening the door. Katniss was sitting up in bed, facing the wall, when she turned and her eyes widened. He hesitated for a moment, standing close to the door in case he needed to escape but her eyes were clouded with tears and she whispered his name weakly.

“Peeta.” In an instant he was at her side, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. His tears dampened her hair and she clutched onto him tightly. 

“I’m sorry, Katniss. I’m so sorry.” He allowed her to sob into his shirt as his hold around her tightened. 

“You said you’d stay with me, Peeta…always,” she whispered. Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to lean back, his hands finding hers and holding them tightly.

“I know Haymitch told you about the hijacking. I can’t be around you, Katniss, I’m too dangerous.” She shook her head but he squeezed her hands.

“I know something happened in that cell. I know I did something to you. I can see it in your eyes. But you won’t tell me, will you?”

“Peeta-“

“I can’t live with myself knowing I hurt you. I can’t take that. This just makes everything the Capitol did so much worse, because they intended for me to kill you. They tried to kill my love for you. Something I never thought could be possible.”

“And yet here you are, holding me in your arms and not trying to kill me,” she said in a harsh whisper. “They TRIED to kill your love but you fought it. And you didn’t let them win. You’re stronger than they are, Peeta. You always have been. You just have to continue to fight it.” She cleared her throat and winced and Peeta felt terrible at making her talk so much. Her hand went to her throat and rubbed gently. His hand covered hers and he pressed a kiss against her cheek.

“Ok, no more talking. I need to get going.” 

“But-“

“President Coin has allowed me to train with the others. She says they’re waiting for you to get well enough to join the troops. I have to travel with some guards in case I have a flashback or do anything stupid, but it’s getting me out of the hospital. I’ll come see you afterwards, if you want.” She nodded and leaned back on her pillow. Peeta glanced at the bowl of stew on the table next to her and he frowned.

“You need to eat, Katniss. You need your strength.” She shrugged and turned away and Peeta sighed, pulling her into his arms again. She didn’t resist but she didn’t return the affection either. 

“Get better for me,” he whispered into her hair. “So we can fight together, side by side, and take down the Capitol. And live together in a world that we created, together.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before he left abruptly. Katniss watched him go, confusion and frustration etched into her face. 

 

Peeta was proud of himself and his fellow soldiers for the work they had done that day. He was sweaty, exhausted, and sore but that made the accomplishment that much better. Finnick walked alongside him as they walked back the hospital, Peeta already thinking of a shower and a soft (ish) bed. He let out a groan and Finnick glanced sideways.

“Those laps finally catching up you? Damn dude, you were on fire this afternoon, I didn’t think you’d feel--“

“It’s not that,” Peeta said, running his fingers through his hair. “I promised Katniss I would come see her after I was finished and I don’t think I’ll have time after I shower. Bedtime is scheduled early tonight,” he glanced at his arm, which was dark with his District 13 schedule. 

“I’m sure she’ll understand, as long as you go see her first thing in the morning. You want to rebuild whatever you guys had, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what we had, Finnick,” Peeta said irritably. “A fake relationship. A fake romance. She’s been so many things to me. Ally. Friend. Tribute. Victor. Hunter. Neighbor. Fiancee. There’s so many words for her and I don’t know what to call her now.”

“You start with friend,” Finnick said slowly. “And you work your way from there. I know she feels strongly for you. We both fell apart when we thought about you and Annie in there. I saw a side of Katniss that she has never let anyone see before. You were the reason she became the Mockingjay, Peeta. To protect you.” Peeta felt pain around his stomach but he ignored it and shook his head.

“I wish I knew her true feelings, that’s all. We all know it was an act now. She told me at the end of the first Games. But when we kissed in the Quarter Quell…I don’t know, I felt something else. Something that hadn’t been there before. It was different. She was different.”

“So ask her.” 

“I don’t want to burden her with anything else until she gets better. She’s not eating and she still looks so weak, so…unlike Katniss. I have never seen her so frail. Even in the Games, when she was risking her life for me, she fought with everything she had. She’s just so…defeated.”

“So help her,” Finnick said urgently. “Remind her of what she’s capable of. You’re the only one who can do that, you know. Gale may have known her for years longer but you two have been through shit that can never come close to what she and Gale had. You’ve been there for her on those nights when she’d wake up screaming. You lied to the world to protect her. Seriously, you need to come clean and ask that she does the same.” Finnick stopped at Annie’s door and patted Peeta’s shoulder.

“I didn’t waste any time in telling Annie how much she means to me as soon as you all got back. In fact, I’m going to ask her to marry me.” Peeta’s eyes widened and Finnick looked a little sheepish.

“I wanted you to be the first to know. Not that I’ve known you for long or anything but I feel like we shared a moment when I was giving you mouth to mouth in the Quell.” Peeta laughed and shook his head, gently shoving Finnick away.

“Seriously though, I’d like for you to be my best man.” Peeta sobered quickly and fixed his wide eyes on Finnick’s sea-green ones.

“Really?”

“I don’t have any family left and my friends are pretty few. Annie and Johanna and you and Katniss and Haymitch are my family now. If she says yes, I’d like for you to be my best man. I’d love it if you considered making our cake too.” At this, Peeta’s eyes sparkled.

“Count on it, man. When are you asking her?”

“District 13 doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to be romantic,” Finnick cast a glance around the gloomy hospital hallway, “but all I care about is starting my life with her. I’ll probably ask her tonight.” Peeta grinned and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Good luck then.” Finnick gave him a grin and pushed the door open. Peeta continued his way to his room, pausing in front of Katniss’s door. It was getting late and he still needed to shower but he found himself drawn to her through the closed doors. He peered in and saw her sitting up, leaning against the pillow with her eyes closed. A book lay open in her lap and Peeta opened the door quietly. Katniss’s head whipped around and Peeta stopped in his tracks, holding his hands up.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“S’ok,” she whispered, settling back against the pillow. Peeta walked over to her and glanced down at the book.

“Your family plant book?”

“After the bombing, I returned to Victors Village to check on our houses. I grabbed a few things and remembered how much time and effort we have put into this book.   
All your beautiful drawings…I couldn’t leave it. I was just…doing some late night reading.” Peeta settled in a chair beside her and propped his chin on his hands as he stared up at her.

“Did you eat dinner?”

“Yes Mother, I ate,” she said grumpily. He smiled but didn’t say anything. He glanced down and saw she was propping her bandaged feet up on a pillow.

“What happened to your feet?”

“You honestly don’t remember?”

“Katniss, I told you, I can’t remember anything from the Capitol. Just…bits and pieces. None of it makes sense. I swear, if I knew you were being hurt and I didn’t do anything to stop it--“

“You couldn’t, Peeta,” she whispered gently. Peeta’s eyes bore into hers and he searched for the truth. 

“What did they do?”

“They tied me to the table and used blowtorches. You were being tortured elsewhere.” Peeta looked like he would be sick. 

“I can’t believe…people would actually do that.”

“After seventy-five years of watching children slaughter each other on live TV, you think they bat an eye about torturing a couple of kids?” Peeta sighed, admitting she was right. She shuffled to the side and winced; Peeta could tell she was in a lot of pain.

“Are you on lots of pain medication?”

“District 13 is stingy when it comes to medicine,” she said grumpily. “They only give me a small amount of morphling. Johanna is losing her mind without it. She tries to steal mine.” 

“Katniss--“ he started but he felt a sudden pain seize him and images started to flash through his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and Katniss frowned.

“Peeta, are you alright?” Peeta’s hands had buried themselves in the sheets and her eyes flicked to his white knuckles. She gently touched his hand and he flinched.

“Peeta don’t. Please don’t. We’re safe, you’re here with me. Don’t go to that awful place.” But when Peeta looked up at her, she saw that he was gone. She stifled a sob and decided to let him kill her. She was finding it harder to find the will to go on but her visits from him would make her want to start living again. Until this. Until she realized that he would never be the same again. She had told him the Capitol hadn’t won but it was a lie. The Capitol had killed the boy with the bread. There may have been a gentle and kind side of Peeta but it was paired with the side that wanted her blood. She couldn’t take it. She sat up and pulled him forward.

“If you want to kill me, Peeta, please do it.”

“I told you I wouldn’t become a murderer for you, you heartless bitch,” he snapped. 

“Then why are you still here?” 

“I don’t know. I guess I’m enjoying seeing you like this. Beaten and defeated. You’re not very big, are you? Or particularly pretty.” 

“No, I’m not.” He rolled his eyes at her response. 

“Or smart. What’s the matter, Katniss? Lost all your nerve in the Capitol?”

“I lost a lot in the Capitol,” she said quietly. Peeta’s eyes flashed and he flexed his fingers. 

“Payback’s a bitch isn’t it?” Katniss didn’t answer and merely turned away, holding the book to her heart and closing her eyes. Peeta cocked his head.

“Is that your family plant book?” She opened her eyes again and looked at him.

“You remember this?” His brow furrowed.

“I think so…I mean, I helped with it, didn’t I?”

“You did. You’re a wonderful artist. You and I worked on it a lot together. Would you like to see?” She opened the book and flipped through the pages, passing it to him. He thumbed the pages and his face softened. 

“I think I remember this.” 

“I can help you, Peeta. I can help you remember. The Capitol has been lying to you. About me, about the District, about them. They’re wrong about me. I have never and will never hurt you.” Peeta glanced up at her, his eyes still dark but a bit uncertain.

“You’ll help me?”

“Of course.”

“Why?”

“Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other." Peeta frowned at her statement but his face softened again. 

“You can help me figure out what’s real and what’s not real then. Since they…messed with my memories.”

“Hijacking,” Katniss said delicately. “They used tracker-jacker venom to mess with your memories, especially of me. They wanted to program you to kill me.” Katniss cleared her throat, ignoring the burning. Peeta cocked his head.

“Why are you whispering?”

“I’m just getting my voice back. Sort of.” 

“I’d say sort of doesn’t cut it. What happened to your voice anyway?”

“A Peacekeeper tried to strangle me. You saved my life.” 

“I did?” She nodded and he seemed to be racking his brain for that memory.

“I stopped him from killing you?”

“You did. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, still looking confused. He noticed her feet and cleared his throat.

“How are your feet?”

“A little better. They said the cold water really helped, so thank you again.”

“I guess I saved you a lot.”

“I guess you did. But that’s hardly surprising. You’re always saving me.” Peeta stared at her for a moment and she shifted underneath his gaze.   
There was a loud buzzing sound from above and Peeta jumped to his feet, whirling around.

“What’s that?” Katniss couldn’t have hated District 13 any more at that moment. Those sounds were like those in the Capitol. If Peeta hadn’t already been having a flashback, he would definitely have one now!

“It’s just the signal for lights out. You should probably return to your room so you don’t get into any trouble.” He nodded and walked to the door, turning back to her for a moment.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” She nodded and watched him leave. If hijacked Peeta could be calmed and brought back, perhaps she had the chance to help him. But it was now clear that there were two sides of Peeta who knew nothing about the other. It would be difficult, to say the least, to try to merge these two beings into one. 

 

Peeta awoke feeling very strange. He dressed quickly and checked his schedule. Luckily training wasn’t until later in the afternoon so he made plans to go see Katniss before breakfast.   
When he reached her room he saw Prim hurrying around inside with a trashcan and a worried expression on her face. He opened the door to find Katniss being ill and she glanced up at him, groaning.

“Peeta, I don’t want you seeing this.” He hurried to her side and gathered her hair in his hands, making comforting circles on her back with his palm. She immediately knew that hijacked Peeta was gone for the moment and she felt a sigh of relief, then a moment of dread for when hijacked Peeta could resurface. She felt another wave of nausea pass over her and Prim gripped the trashcan tightly. Katniss groaned and wiped at her face.

“I’m sorry,” she said to no one in particular. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Prim said sharply. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Prim’s right. We love you, so let us take care of you,” Peeta said gently, kissing the top of her head. When she was finished emptying her stomach of its few contents, Peeta ran to get her a wet cloth, her toothbrush, and some mouthwash. Katniss gratefully brushed her teeth, then swished the wash around for a few moments before spitting it out into the can, then wiped her face with the rag. Prim rubbed her back soothingly for a moment before excusing herself to clean up. Katniss groaned and leaned back, while Peeta settled in the chair beside her, squeezing her hand.

“Feeling better?”

“I still feel a little dizzy but otherwise I’m fine,” she said softly. He noticed she still whispered and he bit his lip.

“How’s your throat?”

“Sore. You and I talked for awhile last night.” Peeta frowned.

“I…I stopped by to see you for a few minutes but then I showered and went to bed. I wasn’t in here long.” Katniss looked up at him hesitantly and he dropped his hands to his side.

“What did I do, Katniss? Did I hurt you?”

“Peeta, no! We just talked. You were angry at first but I tried to calm you down. Tried to make you see that the Capitol has lied to you. If I can convince you of what is real and what isn’t, maybe I can help.” Peeta hid his face in his hands and shook his head.

“I can’t DO this, Katniss. I can’t be two different people. You are literally talking to two different sides of me. What if the hijacked side never leaves?” 

“You always come back to me,” she whispered, reaching over to squeeze his hand. He looked up at her through teary eyes. 

“What if you learn to like him better?”

“Peeta,” she said sharply, wincing because of her throat. “There’s no him and you. Your hijacking just makes you angrier and more prone to violence and a temper. If I can calm you down when you are in that state, maybe there is hope of making sure the hijacking doesn’t resurface anymore. I care about YOU. Plain and simple.” 

“Katniss.” He looked so vulnerable and hopeless that Katniss couldn’t help herself. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. He froze and she immediately regretted it, thinking she had overstepped a line. She started to back away but Peeta followed her, his hands going to her neck and holding her gently while his lips pressed eagerly against hers. His tongue trailed along her bottom lip and she parted them on a sigh. Peeta tentatively slid his tongue past her lips and she moaned into their kiss, making Peeta lean in closer and wrap his hands in her dark hair. Katniss’s hands moved up to grip his hair and he moaned as their tongues did a sweet dance. That familiar heat she had felt on the beach and in the cave came flooding back and she pressed herself against him.   
The door slammed and they both pulled away, both very red in the face. Prim bit her lip anxiously.

“I’m so sorry…I should have knocked, I mean, umm…I can go--“

“No Prim, it’s alright, I was just leaving,” Peeta said hurriedly. Katniss watched him rise to his feet and he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

“Want me to come back after dinner?”

“Please,” she said with a nod. He squeezed her hand and nodded.

“Of course.” And with a nod and a smile at Prim, he left the room, the back of his neck very red. 

 

Finnick glanced at Peeta, who was merely playing with his food.

“Those laps will kill you if you don’t eat something.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just distracted.” He glanced up at the guards who stood near his table and wondered if he could say anything. Johanna reached over and grabbed Peeta’s bread.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself, you’re not eating it.”

“Carful they don’t see you,” Annie said softly, her eyes flying to the guards. Johanna snorted.

“I survived the Capitol, let’s see what District 13 can do to me.”

“Johanna.” Finnick said sharply, while Annie whimpered and hid her face in his shoulder. Johanna rolled her eyes and dug into her food.

“Hey, any sign of when Katniss can return to us?” Peeta shook his head, refusing to meet Finnick’s eyes.

“Her feet are badly burned and I think she’s still too weak to leave the bed. Of course, you know her. She’ll probably come storming in here soon, never mind what the doctors say.”

“I can definitely see that,” Finnick said with a sigh. “What’s up with you? You alright?” he leaned in closer and Peeta glanced up at the guards again.

“Katniss says I visited her last night but I don’t remember any of it. I apparently…became someone else.” 

“Did you…do anything--“

“No. I mean I asked her if I hurt her but she said we just talked. I just…can’t understand how this is possible.” 

“Well it sounds like when your hijacking becomes too powerful to handle , you release this other side of Peeta that is darker than the real you. As long as you don’t hurt anyone, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Except--“

“Except it leaves me waking up not knowing what the hell I did,” Peeta said miserably. 

“So maybe one of you will finally have the balls to fuck Katniss,” Johanna said with a snort. Peeta’s eyes flashed and he grew very still. Finnick and Annie were staring at her with wide eyes and hard glares. Johanna stopped chewing and looked up.

“Oh…I said that out loud. Well shit.” Peeta clutched the edge of the table with white knuckles and Finnick grasped his hands.

“Peeta, listen to me. Ignore her. Just ignore her. We all know you would never do anything to hurt Katniss. Don’t let the darker side win. Don’t let Snow win!” Peeta clutched the table so hard it hurt but the pain seemed to ground him and when he opened his eyes, they were still blue and clear. Finnick sighed with relief and Peeta slumped in his seat.

“I wish they had just killed me,” he said, hiding his face in his hands.

“Stop it,” Finnick said sharply. “Don’t throw yourself a pity party.” Peeta lowered his hands, looking shocked.

“I’ve got news for you, Peeta. Katniss was a mess while you were gone. I mean, a MESS. She hid in closets and refused to come out. She refused to speak to anyone and finally started opening up to me because in a way, we were going through the same thing. Katniss would not survive if you had died in there. She felt guilty the entire time, kept screaming that it should have been her instead of you. She scratched the hell out of Haymitch when he first told her what had happened. She loves you, Peeta. She just can’t admit it because she’s too scared of losing you. You’ve both been reaped, twice, and barely made it out of there. Now if she could, she would switch places with you. Take all of your pain and suffering onto her. She may not have said that but you can see it in her eyes. So don’t you dare say that you wished you had died and left her behind because you’d be killing her too. Remember that.” Finnick draped a hand around Annie’s shoulder and they gathered their dishes without another word. Peeta watched them leave the cafeteria, Annie resting her head on Finnick’s arm. 

“He’s right, you know.” He turned back to Johanna, who wasn’t looking at him. She was studying her fork intently and she sighed.

“I’ve never seen anyone look at anybody the way she looks at you.” 

“How can I be missing that?”

“Your love for her blinds you from seeing her love for you.” And with that she too gathered her dishes and stalked off. Peeta checked his schedule again and saw he had at least an hour before he had to be at training. Deciding he had to see Katniss again, he hurriedly threw his trash away and nearly ran back to Katniss’s room.


	5. Chapter 5

V.

Katniss was resting against Prim’s arm and moaning, looking sweaty and ill. Prim smoothed her hair back, the way Katniss had once done for her. 

“I love you so much, Katniss,” she whispered.

“I love you little duck,” Katniss whispered back, closing her eyes. Prim looked up when the door opened softly and Peeta made to leave again but Prim shook her head.

“Katniss, someone’s here to see you.”

“I hope someone is here to finish me off,” she said with an exhausted sigh. Prim frowned down at her sister.

“Stop talking like that! I don’t want to hear you say anything like that again.” 

“I’m sorry,” Katniss whispered, still not opening her eyes. Prim heaved a sigh and motioned for Peeta to come in.

“Peeta’s going to keep an eye on you while I run and speak to mom for a moment. I’ll be right back.” Katniss clung to Prim’s hand but Prim transferred Katniss’s hand to Peeta’s and he squeezed. 

“I’ll be right back,” she repeated, pushing Katniss’s damp hair away from her face then giving Peeta a grateful nod before she hurried off. Peeta had wanted to talk to Katniss about all of this but the way she looked right now, all he could do was kiss her hand and stroke her hair. 

“You have to get better, Katniss,” he kept whispering against her hair. “Please get better. For me. For us. For Prim, for your mom, for Gale. For us.” 

 

Papers scattered the floor as Prim stared at the ceiling in horror. The test results lay scattered at her feet and she made no move to pick them up. 

“Prim? Honey? I need some help in Room 203,” her mother called to her. She ignored her. She didn’t know what she was expecting but it wasn’t this. What was she going to tell Katniss? HOW would she tell Katniss? She slowly moved to gather the papers, then walked down the long hall toward the control room. She sighed with relief when she did not see Gale there. 

“Haymitch,” she said weakly. Haymitch whirled around, his eyes widening at Prim’s shaking form.

“Hey kid, what’s up?”

“Have you watched all the tapes from Peeta’s cell?”

“I haven’t. Why?”

“Has Gale?”

“I don’t think so. What’s going on, Prim?” She wordlessly handed over the papers and watched Haymitch’s face lose all color. 

“And you’re sure it wasn’t from before?”

“When, Haymitch? When would this have happened?”   
“I-I dunno, maybe during the Tour, or--“

“That doesn’t add up, Haymitch. Look at the numbers. This is recent.” Haymitch was finding it hard to swallow. 

“Does she know?”

“No. I just found out. I want you to watch the tapes.”

“What difference does that make?”

“The difference is who.”

“Prim, it won’t matter. We both know something terrible happened to them in there. What if they made him--“

“I know. I don’t want to ask her about it. Not until I’m sure. I’m going to run a few more tests but I need you to watch those tapes. And don’t let Gale find out.” Haymitch nodded and Prim hurried out. Rubbing his eyes and desperately wishing for a drink, Haymitch pressed a few buttons and his eyes scanned the screen. As he watched he found his heart aching, more and more, for the two kids he had ever been close to. They had unknowingly found their way into his heart and he couldn’t stand to see them suffer. Of course, Haymitch had always hated the Games. He hated being a Mentor. Watching the kids die year after year drove him to drink more and more until he was barely able to function. That’s how he preferred it. He wanted to be so lost that he didn’t remember anything. Upon arriving in District 13, Peeta had told him he wished he had just died in the Capitol. In a way, Haymitch couldn’t blame the kid. Nearly eighteen years old and had already been through more than most people who lived. This would surely destroy him. Haymitch paused at a clip and his eyes widened in horror as he watched the scene unfold. He quickly snapped it off and rubbed his eyes again.

“Shit,” he panted. 

 

Prim returned not long after, with more papers in her arms. One look from Haymitch and she knew the truth. She wanted to break down and cry but she knew she couldn’t. She had learned at a very early age that she couldn’t just stop living. Her sister had taught her that. Her mother had stopped living and she and Katniss had nearly died because of it. She walked back to Katniss’s room, her heart aching and her mind racing for a way to tell her. Katniss had fallen asleep in Peeta’s arms and they both looked so peaceful. Prim stifled a sob before she pushed the doors open and Peeta whirled around.

“Sorry,” she mouthed. Peeta smiled at her and shook his head. He glanced up at the clock and bit his lip. Very gently, he released Katniss and leaned her back on the pillow. Her eyes flashed open and her arms flew out to hold Peeta to her.

“It’s ok, I’m still here. Prim is back and I need to get to training.” She nodded and relaxed and he leaned in to kiss her gently. For some reason, kissing had become completely normal between them and there were no cameras to be found. He found himself almost believing what everyone was telling him about her loving him. He squeezed her hand before leaving and she watched him go with heavy eyes.

“Katniss.” Katniss turned back to her sister and was startled to see tears welling in her eyes. Katniss realized Prim had Peeta’s eyes and she found it hard to look at her. 

“Here. Suck on this. It will help your throat.” Katniss popped the drop into her mouth and sucked on it with relish. She felt it soothe immediately and she cleared her throat

“Katniss, I…I know what happened to you…in the Capitol.” Katniss’s head jerked around and she stared into Prim’s eyes, her own wide with fear. Prim reached out and grasped her sister’s hand.

“You don’t have to be afraid. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s no one’s fault but the Capitol. But Katniss, you should know…” she seemed unable to go on and Katniss squeezed her eyes shut, blinking back tears.

“I know, Prim.” Prim’s head shot up and she frowned.

“How could you?”

“I just…do. I feel it. When I first got sick last night, I think I knew. I don’t think it’s hit me quite yet.” 

“I’m so sorry Katniss,” she said, squeezing her hands. Katniss squeezed back and gave her a sad smile.

“I know you don’t want to hear how much I want to die, little duck, so I’m determined to make it through this like everything else. I’ll need your help though.”

“Of course,” Prim cried, burying herself in her sister’s arms. Katniss held her close and allowed the tears to stream down her cheeks. “I love you, Katniss. You are the strongest, bravest person I know. You can do this.”

“I don’t know, little duck. I don’t know if I can.” 

“You can,” she insisted. “You have people all around who love you. But…you should tell him--“

“It will kill him,” Katniss said flatly. 

“Maybe not. Maybe he will handle it, like you are handling it.” 

“No,” she squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to look at her sister. She had deliberately refused to tell Peeta anything about their torture in the Capitol. She couldn’t handle the pain in his eyes. This would surely destroy him. She knew he had to know but she didn’t want to be the one to tell him. She couldn’t. Prim pulled away and wiped her eyes.

“Can I get you anything?”

“I’m craving pudding,” Katniss said quietly. Prim giggled.

“Ok, pudding it is! I’ll be back in a moment.” She kissed Katniss’s cheek and bounded off the bed. Katniss watched her go with a smile, noticing how much her sister looked like Peeta. Would they have a daughter who resembled him? Blonde hair and blue eyes? Or perhaps a son who looked like him? She hoped so. She didn’t want it to resemble her. She wanted it to have everything from its father. Everything good and pure and perfect. Nothing from its mother. Everything from its father. 

 

Gale was watching the screen with wide eyes and his hands clenched into fists. He would kill him. He would strangle the life out of him with his bare hands. He thought about where he might be right now. Training, probably. But he would be surrounded by people. And he knew Finnick Odair would protect him. No, he had to wait until he could get him alone. Maybe sneak into his room tonight and smother him with a pillow. Maybe he would let Katniss do it. He imagined she would appreciate that. He had seen the papers that Prim held and he knew that Katniss would want to kill him too. She had never wanted kids. She had confessed that on the day of the Reaping. And if she ever had kids…he imagined it would be with him. Not a merchant boy.  
He whirled around in his chair when Haymitch and Beetee entered and Haymitch stopped.

“Gale, what are you doing?”

“Just going over some things I may have missed.” Hamymitch swallowed. Shit. He saw the look in Gale’s eyes and he knew he knew.

“Um, Beetee, why don’t you go over those plans again and I’ll join you in a minute?” Beetee straightened his glasses and hurried off, knowing there was something going on and also knowing he did not want to be caught in the middle of it.   
Gale glared at Haymitch as the old man approached. Of course he knew.

“How long have you been protecting the little bastard?”

“Gale--“

“How long, old man? How long have you known?” 

“Prim and I just found out yesterday. We’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell Peeta.”

“Well I’m sure he knows,” Gale scoffed. Haymitch’s eyes flashed.

“No he doesn’t know because he doesn’t remember what happened in the Capitol! Why can’t you get that through your thick skull? They fucked with his mind, Gale. They tried to turn him into a Capitol mutt, to kill Katniss. And he has fought it every step of the way. Stop being a whiney little bitch!” 

“Stop protecting him! You SAW what he did to her!”

“Yes and that’s how I know it wasn’t really him! Peeta would NEVER do that. I saw them, Gale. I saw them on the Victory Tour, how he would protect her and comfort her. He would die for her, he DID almost die for her. He loves her, Gale, and I’m sorry but she loves him too.” Gale stiffened again and his eyes grew hard and cold. 

“No she doesn’t. She feels guilty. That’s not love. She doesn’t love anyone except for Prim and her mother and--“

“You?” Gale’s eyes narrowed.

“I never said that.”

“You insinuated it. And yes, she loves you. She loves Peeta too. Time to get the fuck over that.” Gale stopped him and threw a punch but Haymitch caught his arm and shook his head.

“You think the old drunk can’t fight? I won the Games too, Gale. Remember the fact that you are surrounded by Victors. And Victors become family. Family protects each other. You had better watch yourself.” With a glare, Haymitch turned to leave. Gale’s breathing was heavy, his heart racing with rage as he shoved through the doors and stomped down the hallway. 

 

Katniss was licking the bottom of the container, trying to finish the last of the chocolate pudding that Prim had smuggled in, when the doors burst open.

“Gale?” Gale was shaking with rage as he threw himself into the chair beside her and ran his fingers through his dark hair.

“I know, Katniss.” 

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, alright? I saw the tapes.” Katniss froze and she swallowed. Gale watched her as she slowly lowered the container.

“Ok…and?”

“And? I want to kill him. I need to kill him!”

“You won’t touch him Gale,” she said in a low voice. He stared at her in bemusement. 

“Don’t you want him dead?”

“Not in the slightest,” she answered calmly. “And if you do, you will have to go through me first.” Gale’s eyes were popping.

“HOW can you be so calm about this?”

“Because the alternative is falling apart and I refuse to do that again! I’ve already done it too many times. There is a life depending on me now, Gale. Just like Prim once did. I won’t fall apart. I won’t just give up.” Gale rubbed his eyes furiously and tried to steady his breathing. Katniss watched him for a moment.

“Alright,” he said calmly. “Then let me make a proposition.” She waited and he took her hands in his.

“Let me take care of you. I’ll take the responsibility. I’ll raise it as my own. And I’ll take good care of the both of you, Catnip.” Katniss snatched her hands away and stared at him.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying we can tell everyone it’s mine.” 

“Gale you’re crazy!”

“Why?”

“Because…well, because…just because!”

“Do you love me, Katniss?”

“Gale-“

“Do you?!” She sighed and looked at the ground.

“You know how I feel about you. How I will always feel about you. But I have never allowed myself to think like that because I couldn’t afford to. Now, I think…I finally can. And I know…after I almost lost him…” she didn’t continue and Gale stiffened. 

“Ok Katniss. I understand. But you need to think about this. Which one would break him more?”

“What do you mean,” she asked with wide eyes.

“Telling him you had a baby with another man…or telling him he raped you.”

“He didn’t--“

“Don’t you dare lie, Katniss. I’ll show him the tape if I have to.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” She grabbed onto his hands and squeezed and he flung them away.

“The choice is yours, Katniss. Which one do you think will destroy him? You do what you think is right,” he rose to his feet and left swiftly. Katniss did not fight the tears this time. She pulled her knees to her chest, ignoring the stabbing pains in her feet and she wept into her arms. She wished Prim would come back…no, she knew she didn’t want Prim. She wanted someone else. Someone whose arms had always been able to comfort her on her worst nights. Someone she knew she should not be wanting at the moment. She cried and cried, whispering his name. Reaching into her pocket, she withdrew the smooth pearl from the Quarter Quell and brought it to her lips, just as she had done on those nights she had spent alone in the hospital, when she had first arrived in District 13. When she had no idea if he was still alive. She clenched the pearl in her fist and her other hand wandered to her belly.

“Mommy loves you,” she whispered. “I’m terrified and I’ve never been more uncertain about anything in my life but I love you and I will protect you with my life.”


	6. Chapter 6

VI. 

 

Training was quite intense and Peeta found himself tiring quickly. Finnick urged him on and by the time they were finished, everyone was sore and exhausted. Peeta and Finnick trudged back to the hospital, dragging their feet. Someone stormed by and knocked Peeta’s shoulder as he passed.

“Ouch! What the hell, Gale?” Gale stopped for a moment, not turning around and Peeta saw him flex his fingers for a moment before he continued on his way. Peeta frowned after him. Finnick merely shook his head.

“Ignore him. He’s used to having Katniss around so he can claim her as his own. He can’t do that anymore since Katniss is beginning to admit her love for you.” 

“I’m not so sure that’s it,” Peeta mumbled, rubbing his shoulder. Finnick shrugged and his face lit up when he saw Annie walking down the hall. 

“There’s my beautiful girl! I have missed you!”

“You just saw me an hour ago,” she said giggling as he kissed her cheek.

“Several hours ago,” he corrected as his lips traveled across her face. 

“Stop it stop it,” she swiped at him, shaking her head. Finnick’s arm wrapped around her waist and held her close. Peeta smiled at them. He was truly happy for the pair.

“Oh Peeta, you haven’t heard the news!” Annie held up her hand where Peeta could see a blue jewel sparkling on her finger. Peeta grinned.

“Congratulations Annie! You’re going to make a beautiful bride!”

“And what about me,” Finnick asked, his face falling. Peeta rolled his eyes.

“You’ll make an even more beautiful bride, Finnick.” Finnick glared at him while Annie emitted a string of girlish giggles. Finnick shot Peeta a thankful grin, for it had been awhile since they had heard her laugh like that. 

“Anyway Peeta,” she said, calming down, “we were hoping you might design our wedding cake?”

“I would love to Annie,” he said, taking her hand in his. “I’ll give you the most beautiful wedding cake you could dream of!” 

“Oh I can’t wait,” she gushed, holding onto Finnick. Peeta smiled and started to long for Katniss. 

“If you two will excuse me, it’s been several hours since I have seen that beautiful raven braid.” 

“Tell Katniss hello for us,” Annie said with a giggle. Peeta smiled and waved them off as he made his way to Katniss’s room. 

 

She looked up from her dinner when he entered and he could immediately tell she had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were stained with tear streaks. But she gave him a smile and held up her dinner plate.

“See? I’m eating.” Peeta forced a chuckle.

“Glad to see it.” 

“Have you eaten dinner?”

“I wanted to see you first.” 

“Boy have you got it bad,” Katniss teased. Peeta chuckled uncomfortably. They sat in silence for a moment, Katniss chewing on her lip and Peeta watching her uncertainly. 

“Are you going to tell me why you have been crying?”

“Maybe later. Are you going to tell me what you were so excited about when you burst in?”

“I didn’t…burst in…”

“You did,” she grinned. “Tell me!” 

“Finnick and Annie are getting married.” Katniss’s hands flew to her mouth and she giggled, which nearly made Peeta fall over. He couldn’t remember ever hearing her giggle like that.

“Oh gosh, that’s so amazing! Oh Peeta, I needed news like that. I’m so happy for them!”

“Me too. They’ve asked me to design their wedding cake.” Her eyes widened.

“That’s incredible. You will do a beautiful job, I’m sure.”

“It’s been so long, Katniss. What if I mess it up?” He felt her hands on his and he glanced down before he looked back into her eyes.

“You won’t. It will be perfect.” He bit his lip and before he knew it, he was leaning in and kissing her. He felt her arms go around his neck and he fingered the end of her braid as their tongues met. She attempted to move to give him more room to get closer but the contact with the bed brought sharp pain to her foot and she cried out. Peeta broke this kiss and stared at her in concern.

“Sorry. Not ideal kissing location,” she grumbled, glancing at her feet. Peeta smiled and stroked her cheek.

“I’m fine kissing you anywhere. You have no idea how happy it makes me every time you kiss me.” 

“We’ve kissed a lot in the past.” He shook his head.

“There are no cameras around. It makes me think…it lets me know that you are doing it…because you want to.” 

“Yes. I do,” she said breathily before she claimed his mouth again. He moaned and gripped her waist as he responded to her urgent kisses. They were interrupted by the growl coming from his stomach and she looked at him in surprise.

“I think you’re hungry, Mr. Mellark.” 

“Yeah, I am,” he said in a low growl. Katniss shivered. Somehow, she didn’t think he was talking about food. She gently pushed his chest and he stood up.

“Go. Eat dinner. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Wait wait, you had something to tell me.” 

“It can wait,” she said dismissively.

“Katniss-“

“My stew is getting cold,” she gestured toward the half-eaten bowl of lumpy stew. “Go on. I’ll talk to you in the morning, ok?” Sighing, he nodded and leaned down to kiss her again before he left. 

“I wish I could stay with you,” he sighed. “I hate waking up without you. The nightmares are worse when I don’t have you beside me.”

“Me too,” Katniss admitted. “I wake up screaming and you aren’t there to comfort me. It was always better when I spent the nights in your arms.” Peeta’s heart raced. Hearing her talk like this was seriously confusing him in his heart and his brain. Did she love him or didn’t she? It certainly sounded like she did. At the very least, needed him. 

“But once I’m out of here…you can stay in my compartment. And we can go back to sleeping together.” He grinned and leaned down to kiss her again.

“Maybe even do a little more,” he said as he nipped at her ear. She gasped and he drew away.

“Just kidding,” he said hurriedly. She cleared her throat and had gone very red. Peeta bit his lip.

“Have a good night, Katniss.”

“You too,” she said in a high-pitched voice. He glanced back at her once more before he left the room. Sighing, she relaxed against the pillow and glanced at the stew. She wasn’t very hungry and she was still having trouble keeping things down so she pushed it aside and clicked the lights off. She knew it was getting late so no one would be in to check on her until morning. She took out the pearl again and rubbed it against her lips. She felt her lips tingle where Peeta had kissed her and she noticed a warm stirring between her legs. Her hand slowly made its way down, pausing and rubbing over her breast, gasping when her nipple hardened. Her fingers continued a tentative path down to the line of her underwear and she hesitantly pressed against the cotton. She gasped and yanked her hand away, feeling her face glow red with shame. Tossing the covers aside, she rolled over and attempted to sleep but was plagued with dreams of Peeta holding her close and his hands taking the same path as her hands had done. She bit her lip and squeezed her legs closed in the middle of night, whispering his name and feeling that heat growing stronger than ever. 

 

Prim and her mother had breakfast with her the next morning before they went on their rounds around the hospital. Katniss was glad to see they had found ways to stay busy and helpful. She knew Prim wanted to be a doctor one day and she would make a great one too. When their mother had left, Prim squeezed Katniss’s hand.

“Did you tell him yet?”

“I’m going to today.” 

“And have you decided on which one?” Katniss bit her lip. She had told her sister about Gale’s proposition and his threat and Prim had taken Katniss into her arms to stifle her tears. Katniss had thought about it for hours. Which one would completely destroy Peeta? The lie of it being Gale’s baby or the truth of it being Peeta’s? Prim had told her to tell him the truth. 

“At least with the truth, you can be together,” she had said.

“I’m going to tell him the truth.” Prim squeezed her hand.

“Good.” 

After she left, Katniss tried to make herself look presentable. She was so tired of this hospital room and longed to be able to walk down the hall, even change her clothes on her own. She brushed her fingers through her hair before she braided it again. She glanced up at the clock and heard the door open. Peeta entered with two muffins in his hand and a smile on his face. Katniss’s heart sped up a little at the sight of him, with his long blonde hair and his bright blue eyes. He seemed to be healing well, all over, his bruises disappearing and his eyes bright and unclouded. He gave her a quick kiss and handed her the muffin.

“They stopped me at first but I asked if I could bring you one and they agreed. You’ve made quite an impression around here, mockingjay.” She picked out a blueberry and savored its sweetness.

“Thank you. I was getting sick of hospital food.”

“One day I’ll bake you muffins like these. Only better. These taste several days old.”

“Can’t be choosy,” she said already devouring it. Peeta chuckled and watched her eat. Katniss wiped away the crumbs and sat up in bed, resting her hands in her lap.

“Peeta, we need to talk.” He lowered the muffin and sat up straighter in his chair, fixing his eyes on hers.

“Um…could you move the chair over there? I don’t know how you will react and this may send you into a flashback.” His brow furrowed but he moved the chair to the other side of the room. She nodded. 

“I want you to just listen, alright? I don’t want you to say anything until I finish. Then you can ask your questions. I need to get this out and you just need to listen. Can you do that?”

“Yes.” She nodded and took a deep breath.

“You remember that day? With the bread?” Since he had agreed not to say anything, he merely nodded. 

“Well, after you tossed me that bread, I ran home to Mother and Prim and we ate better than we had in a long time. The next day when I saw you, I wanted to thank you, but…well, I saw the bruises on your cheek and I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to you. But I saw a field of dandelions and ran home and grabbed Prim and a bowl and we gathered as many as we could. From that moment I knew we would be alright. That I could feed my family and that we would survive against all odds. After that, my mother even started to come back to us and we all sort of just started to rebuild our lives again,” she paused, feeling tears well up but she impatiently wiped them away. “The dandelion symbolizes hope and new life. You are that dandelion, Peeta. You gave me a new chance at life, the hope and will to go on. You’re my promise of tomorrow and I have always associated you with that dandelion. It took me a long time to realize how much you really mean to me.” Peeta opened his mouth but closed it again and Katniss swallowed before she continued.

“I think I knew when you died in the Quarter Quell. That’s what Finnick said, anyway. He said he knew at that moment that it wasn’t just an act. I don’t know, perhaps I figured it out before that but that was when my heart stopped, when I thought you were dead. That’s when I realized I couldn’t go on if you weren’t alive. When you kissed me on the beach, I felt something different and just knew. I knew. So when I was rescued and I found out you were in the Capitol, I was ready to die. I didn’t know what was happening to you or if you had survived but I was a complete mess. For weeks I was like that, until I agreed to become the Mockingjay. That lit a fire in me. Seeing you on TV lit me on fire. I knew I had to save you. Because I love you.” At this, Peeta’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth again but Katniss shook her head and he closed it again. 

“I loved you so much that I left the group and went to find you on my own. And I got caught. I was thrown into your cell, and was told you would be the one to kill me. When I first saw you, I saw what they had done to you, how they had changed you and I wanted to die right there. I begged for you to kill me. They went on torturing us for days until you finally stepped in and saved me. So they decided to punish both of us. They turned you against me. They made you do the unthinkable. And that night…you came back to me. I don’t know how or why but you came back and recognized me and held me close. You saved me again and when we were rescued, I didn’t want you out of my sight. Your visits made me want to live again, to get better, so I could be with you. Even when your flashbacks came on, I was still with you, I could still see you and talk with you. I love you, Peeta, and I don’t blame you for anything at all. Anything that happened in the Capitol, anything that happened after, and anything that happens now is the Capitol’s fault, not yours, not mine, but theirs. But you have to understand…I won’t stop loving you. So when I found something out and Gale told me he wanted to kill you, I told him he would have to go through me. He knows I love you. And he didn’t take it well.” Peeta nodded, remembering Gale’s attitude at training. Katniss continued. 

“I’m telling you the truth, Peeta because I love you and I don’t ever want to lie to you again. I did that for too long. Using your feelings to my advantage then not sharing my own feelings when it could have made all the difference. I have been terrible to you and I hope you can forgive me. I am going to break your heart one more time but I beg of you to think of what it means. Because Gale would have me tell you a lie that I believe would hurt you more. And since it’s a lie, I don’t want to tell it. I want to tell you the truth. You deserve the truth.” She found herself gripping the blanket, wishing she could be holding his hands. His eyes bore into hers and she took another deep breath.

“I’m pregnant, Peeta.” His jaw dropped, his eyes widened and he started gripping the arms of the chair with a death grip. She continued quickly, not wanting him to interrupt. 

“I’m pregnant with your child. Gale approached me and offered to take responsibility. He said to tell you it was his. But there is only one father of this baby and it’s not Gale. I don’t know why but I’ve decided to keep it. I never wanted kids but I started imagining a little boy or girl that looks just like you and I just fell in love with it immediately. It’s my piece of you, if you decide to leave me.” Peeta made to speak but Katniss shook her head again.   
“I don’t blame you, Peeta. And if you’ll have me, we can raise this baby together. We can be together, for real. We can take down the Capitol, together, and raise our child in a better world. Everything is suddenly so much more clear and I don’t know how it happened or when but I’m suddenly so much better than I was a few days ago. I’m still scared, terrified really, but I can feel him or her inside me and I know I have to stay strong. I always took care of Prim as best I could. She doesn’t need me anymore. But there’s someone else who does so that’s why I’m trying to get better. I want us to kill Snow and create a better world. Where our child won’t have to worry about the Games. Where we can live peacefully. Where I can teach them how to hunt and you show them how to bake and we could actually be happy. I love you, Peeta. I hope…I hope this doesn’t change…how you feel about me,” she finished, feeling her tears start to stream down her cheeks. Peeta was still gripping the chair and he closed his eyes, squeezing them shut. Katniss braced herself and watched him warily. When he opened his eyes, the blue seas were full of tears. He glanced around him, looking surprised that he was still present, that his hijacked state had not taken over. He was out of his chair in seconds and settled on the edge of her bed, stroking a thumb across her face, wiping her tears away. She flung her arms around him and buried her face in his shirt while his hands went to her hair, pulling her in close. They wept together, tears mixing while their hearts beat in unison. Peeta knew without a doubt that he could never love another. His love for this woman was magnified tenfold that day. And Katniss knew she needed the dandelion to survive, her springtime flower, her hope and her future.


	7. Chapter 7

VII. 

The dark writing on Peeta’s arm said that he was due in class and then training but he could have cared less. He sat on the edge of the bed with Katniss in his arms, one of his hands holding hers while the other stroked her hair. They sat in silence, not needng words to communicate. Tiny touches and kisses showed their feelings. Peeta did not trust himself to speak. If he opened his mouth, tears and sobs and rage and terror may come flooding out and he couldn’t do that to her. Not when she was being so strong about this. They hadn’t said a word since Katniss had told him the truth and that was well over an hour. At first Katniss just cried. Then she stopped crying and just buried her face in his shirt, inhaling and memorizing his smell. Likewise, Peeta rested his head against hers and took in her scent. The way her hair smelled, earthy and like that of the forest, brought him a comfort he remembered having in the cave or on the Victory Tour. He never wanted to part from her. Finally, he unstuck his throat and found the words to speak.

“Katniss,” his voice was still choked with tears and she pulled away to look up at him. He wished she wouldn’t. It was much harder to talk to her while she gazed up at   
him with those stormy eyes. 

“Katniss, I…I will never stop loving you. I mean, I’ve been in love with you since I was five, when I heard you sing the Valley Song. I have never once gotten you out of my mind and not even the Capitol could destroy that. I would do anything for you…I would die for you. You know I was prepared to die for you. I…I can’t ask for your forgiveness because I don’t think I can ever forgive myself. But thank you…thank you for being honest with me and thinking I deserve the truth. I’m not sure which one would break my heart more, to be honest. But I think you’re right. I think, if you had told me it was Gale’s…I think that would have killed me. Knowing that I did this to you kills me inside but I see the love in your eyes and I know I have a chance to try to make up for it. By taking care of you and…our baby,” he choked on those words and Katniss’s hand went to his cheek as she smiled up at him. 

“This isn’t how I imagined my life to be,” she said gently. “This isn’t how I wanted it. But now that it’s laid out like this, I’m not angry or resentful. I was destined to be Reaped so that you would finally have the courage to talk to me,” he smiled weakly, “and I was destined to l-lose you so I would quit being an asshole and finally admit my love for you. And I was destined to be caught and put into your cell--“

“So I could rape you?” Peeta asked heavily. Katniss gripped his face.

“No. So we could be brought even closer. Think about it, Peeta. Our lives together have been one big test, one right after another. In the first Games, we were thrown together and have been together ever since. Our fates were weaved together, I dunno, at the Reaping? But you fought for me and I fought for you and we have protected   
each other since then.”

“Except for the Capitol. Did you ask me to stop, Katniss? Do you cry for me to stop?”

“Peeta--“

“I can hear your cries inside my head. Like I can remember doing it, because it WAS me. It was a part of me anyway. I took something precious to you, Katniss, something you can never get back--“

“And something I would have eventually given to you anyway!” Peeta froze, his eyes wide. Katniss shook her head.

“Damn it, Peeta, haven’t you been paying attention? I. Love. You. I would have chosen you one way or another. Don’t think about the past and just focus on looking forward. Focus on this,” she brought his hand down to her stomach and held it just below her belly button. His eyes were full of tears and she smiled up at him.

"This child will be raised with so much love because YOU are her father. And I have never seen more love and patience and understanding in a human being. Look at what we created, together. Don’t think about how. Think about the moment we get to hold her in our arms. The moment I buy her first bow. The moment she makes her first batch of cookies. The moment we watch her go to school. The moment she turns twelve and we realize, she won’t ever worry about a Reaping. There are thousands of moments to focus on, Peeta, so many good ones ahead of us. Focus on those. Please.” Peeta looked stunned and couldn’t help but smile as Katniss reached up and wiped his tears away with her thumb.

“That was a really good speech, girl on fire.” She shrugged.

“I learned from the best. This kid will hold a place of power one day with her father’s golden tongue-“

“and her mother’s fiery spirit,” he finished. She smiled and tugged him down to her lips, claiming his mouth as hers. He moaned at the intensity of the kiss but wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her close. She turned and swung her feet off the bed so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He gasped against her mouth as he now stood between her legs and he felt his jeans growing much too tight. She felt something poking her thigh and she broke the kiss to give him a sly look.

“When I am finally free of this damn hospital, you can make it up to me. You can give me an amazing first night together.” Peeta sucked in a breath at her words and ran his finger over her lips. He glanced up at the monitor over her bed and groaned.

“I bet Haymitch is having a field day with this in the control room.” She shrugged and turned to the monitor, giving it a rude gesture with her hand. Peeta chuckled in shock.

“You have fire, Katniss. I’ll give you that.”

“Guess I always have.” He nodded and stroked her cheek.

“Ok. As much as I want you to stay here with me, you’ve missed your class and half your training. They will probably come drag you out of the hospital soon.”

“Let them,” he said softly, leaning down to kiss her neck. “Let them try to drag me away from you.” She moaned and tilted her head to the side, allowing him to drag his tongue along her soft skin. 

“Ok, you can stay, as long as you keep doing that.”

“Glad I made an impression on you,” he chuckled lightly. 

 

Peeta reluctantly left her side when Finnick came in to tell him President Coin was looking for him. Katniss waved the boys off, feeling better than she had in days. She ate her lumpy stew her mother brought her and sat still while Prim took all her vitals. When their mother left, Prim leaned in with wide eyes.

“Did you tell him?” She slowly nodded and Prim held out her hands.

“And?! What happened? How did he react?”

“Well…he didn’t have a flashback.”

“That’s a good thing, Katniss! What did he say?”

“He feels terrible…but I told him how much I love him and how much I want this baby with him. I think it made him see things in a different light. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to convince him not to think about it but for now, at least, I think in a way he is happy.”

“Of course he is! You are going to have a baby together,” Prim squealed and Katniss quickly shushed her, glancing up at the monitors. Prim waved her hand.

“They can’t hear anything.”

“Prim, I need you to get rid of the tape.”

“What tape?”

“The one from Peeta’s cell.” Prim’s eyes widened and Katniss took her hands.

“Peeta is going to want to see it and I don’t want him to. It may make things worse. Please Prim. Tell Haymitch to get rid of it or hide it. I don’t want him to see it. Gale said he would show it to him and I know he will.”

“What is Gale’s problem,” Prim grumbled. “Because he finally realizes you love Peeta and not him?” 

“What do you mean, finally?” Prim rolled her eyes.

“Oh Katniss, it may have taken you forever to realize it but many of us could see that you loved him way before. We knew it wasn’t an act. Plus you’re my sister! Of course I knew!”

“I love you, little duck,” Katniss said, tears welling in her eyes. This baby was making her an emotional mess and she hoped it wouldn’t last her entire pregnancy.

“When are you going to tell people?” Katniss went pale.

“I don’t know…I don’t know how, I mean…I’m not telling them what really happened. I’d rather people think we found a time to ourselves.”

“Well, these monitors are watched. It can’t have happened in 13.”

“Then it happened in the Capitol,” Katniss said solemnly. “Before we were rescued. We thought we were going to die and we wanted to show our love to one another.” Prim nodded.

“It’s not that hard to believe, I mean, we watch couplings in the Games all the time. It’s really no different.” Katniss squeezed her sister’s hand, grateful for her understanding.

“I’d like to go down to have dinner with them tonight, Prim. Do you think I could?”

“I’m sure Peeta could wheel you around. I’ll speak to mom first, then ask him.” Katniss smiled.

“You’re always taking care of me, Prim.”

“You always took care of me,” she said seriously. “You were the one who raised me. And I will never be able to thank you enough.” The sisters embraced before Prim hurried off to help around the hospital.


	8. Chapter 8

VIII. 

Just before dinnertime, Finnick came to visit Katniss. She looked up in surprise when he entered and he gave her a smile.

“How’s it going little mockingjay?” 

“Still alive, Odair. How are you?”

“Couldn’t be better.”

“Congratulations on the engagement! I’m so happy for you and Annie.”

“Thanks Katniss,” he said warmly. “I just wanted to come in and tell you, Peeta had a flashback during training. He was sent back to his room and he’s doing alright but he’s confused. There are guards around his room and they won’t let him out. We’re not sure if it’s still hijacked Peeta or not, because I can’t get close enough to him. Johanna was about to knock the guards out and check on him but Haymitch said to leave him alone for a bit.”

“Finnick, he can’t be alone! That’s why he’s so confused, we are supposed to be helping him!”

“I know, Katniss. I’m going to try again after dinner. He’s been flashing back and forth between hijacked Peeta and the real Peeta for several days and hijacked Peeta is definitely less violent.”

“Wait, he’s been having flashbacks? He didn’t tell me that.” 

“He didn’t want you to worry,” Finnick said anxiously. Katniss frowned.

“I should still know! I was the one who calmed him down the other night, during his flashback.”

“I know. And the doctors say it’s remarkable, the difference they are seeing in him. Still, he’s been going back and forth having flashbacks all day and that’s not your fault.”

It is, she told herself. She was certain that it was because of what she had told him. She had been wrong. He wasn’t handling it as well as she thought. Why had she dared to hope that they could actually be ok?

“But he isn’t going on about wanting to kill you anymore. He just seems confused and wants answers. Keeps going on about what’s real and what’s not real.”

“You’ll have to help him, Finnick. If I’m not there, you’ll have to answer his questions. Help him. Please.”

“I’ll try, Katniss. I will. I need to get going but if Peeta is better tonight I’ll tell him you’d like to see him.” 

“Thanks Finnick.” He squeezed her hand and left quickly. He made his way down the hallway where he knew Peeta was being kept and was blocked by two guards.

“Sorry Mr. Odair, we can’t let you through.”

“Just let me talk to him for a minute,” he pleaded. “Katniss Everdeen wants me to check on him.” 

“He’s fine,” President Coin rounded the corner and Finnick’s eyes widened. “He was having a fit and threatening people so we had him sedated. He’ll be out for the rest of the night.”

“You can’t keep doing that,” he said angrily. “He needs help, not sedatives! When he gets into a fit like this, we have to calm him down. Sedating him is just going to confuse him even more.”

“Keep in mind, Mr. Odair, that it was not my idea to rescue Mr. Mellark and the others. It was Miss Everdeen’s. I think they were rather…disposable.” Finnick launched himself forward and was held back by the guards. His face was screwed up with rage.

“You conniving little bi--“

“Careful Mr. Odair. I have supported yours and Miss Cresta’s marriage. Do not make any rash decisions.” Coin calmly walked away and the guards released Finnick. He   
yanked his shirt straight before he turned on his heel and stomped off the cafeteria. Annie and Johanna looked up in surprise as Finnick threw himself into the empty seat. Gale sat across from him and looked surprised.

“What happened to you?”

“President Coin rubs me the wrong way,” he said through gritted teeth. Johanna snorted.

“Could have told you that from day one. I don’t trust the woman. Why, what’d she do?”

“Peeta was having a flashback and she had him sedated. Katniss asked me to check on him and when I went to his room, they wouldn’t let me in. They’re not helping him and they know it. Coin basically said he would have left you all to rot in the Capitol,” he ended angrily. He was seething and Annie nuzzled up to him.

“Did you tell Katniss about Peeta’s flashbacks all day,” Johanna asked quietly. Finnick nodded.

“She has a right to know. At least he’s not as angry as he was in the beginning.”

“He’s still unstable,” Gale said uncomfortably. “I mean, yes he has gotten better but he is still suffering from these flashbacks. Do you think he will ever get back to normal? Because I don’t.”

“You don’t want him to because it would leave Katniss to depend on you and not him,” Annie said bitterly. Gale glared at her but merely shook his head.

“Believe it or not, Annie, I want him to get better. I did volunteer to rescue you all you know.”

“You can’t expect me to believe you did that for any of us,” Annie scoffed. Johanna even looked shocked at Annie’s outburst. “You did it for Katniss.”

“We’re all on the same side, Annie,” was all Gale responded with. Annie dropped her fork and stood up.

“I’m not hungry,” and she stomped off. Finnick bit his lip and hurried after her. Gale sighed and dug into his potatoes.

“I didn’t mean to set her off, I just--“

“Don’t even worry about it. Annie is a time bomb, just waiting to go off. Finnick is the only person who can handle her. Love is so weird, isn’t it?” Gale nodded and was silent. Johanna finished her meal, said goodnight, and wandered back to her room. Gale chewed on his greens thoughtfully. Why had Peeta suddenly gone off like that? His eyes widened and his fork dropped to the table. She must have told him. But which one had she told him? The truth or the lie? Wishing he could go see Katniss, he threw away his trash, nodded to the guards at the door, and excused himself for the night. 

 

The next morning Gale made his way to Katniss’s room to speak to her about her decision. As his hand reached out for the doorknob, so did someone else’s. Surprised, Gale looked into Peeta’s wide blue eyes and took a step back.

“Didn’t expect to see you up and about so early. They said they had sedated you.”

“I woke up early this morning strapped to the table and screamed for someone to tell me what the hell was going on. Haymitch came running in and went off on everyone for restraining me. It seems my flashbacks are less violent but I’m still scaring people.” Gale nodded, glancing at the closed door beside them.

“You going to see Katniss?”

“If you need to speak to her first, you can. I just want to see her.” Gale nodded again.

“Have you guys…talked?”

“You mean about our baby?” Gale winced. Damn. She had chosen. He searched Peeta’s eyes for uncertainty or fear but he saw none. He was impressed, he had to admit. 

“I’m not going to back down from this, Gale, as much as I know you want me to. She told me what you threatened her with.”

“I didn’t threaten her, I was trying to help you both with this decision. You’re not stable enough to care for a child, neither of you are. Believe it or not, I am trying to help you.”

“Well thanks for the help but I’m the only father that baby will know.” 

“And you’ll make a great one…someday. Not today though.” Peeta frowned and Gale shook his head.

“She can’t go through with this, Peeta. The way this baby was conceived and the fact that you both are so emotionally unstable…it won’t be good for the baby. Or for you guys. A baby isn’t going to help anyone right now.”

“So what are you going to tell her? To get rid of it? Have an abortion?” Gale’s eyes flicked to the ground and Peeta’s jaw dropped. He staggered back, staring at Gale as if he were mad.

“No Gale. Absolutely not. You talk about freedom and life and choices and you want to kill an innocent child?”

“It’s not a child yet. It’s too early to be a child. And it’s not innocent. You raped her! You forced yourself on her and took away her innocence! Nothing is innocent about this union!” Peeta stiffened, as he fought to control himself.

“Katniss is going to have MY baby and she has already told me she loves me. She’s forgiven me, even if I will never forgive myself. That baby is a little piece of both of us and no one could possibly love it more. You will never have a place in my child’s life. And I want you to stay away from Katniss too. I don’t trust you. I never have and I never will. If you try to come between us again, I will kill you.” With that, he turned to enter Katniss’s room but felt his jaw crack with Gale’s blow. The doors exploded open as the two men wrestled one another, ignoring the screams coming from the bed.  
Katniss was sitting up, already changing clothes and brushing out her hair, when her doors had burst open and Peeta and Gale had fallen in, throwing punches at one another and wrestling the other to the floor. Gale was a good bit larger than Peeta and strong from the mines, but Peeta had lugged around bags of flour all his life and had been a wrestler in school. Neither of them were backing down. Gale had Peeta on his back, his hands wrapping around his throat and Peeta’s fingers grabbled frantically, twisting his head out of reach. 

“Gale! Get OFF of him!” Gale ignored her and threw another punch, sending Peeta’s head to the side. 

“Gale! STOP IT! Peeta, NO!” Peeta’s eyes flashed and he found the strength to knock Gale aside, before straddling him and punching him in the face. Gale flipped him over and pressed his thumb against Peeta’s windpipe and Peeta gasped for breath. 

“BOYS! STOP!” They continued and Katniss stepped to the floor, squeezing back tears at how badly her feet hurt. She hobbled over to the fighting boys and threw herself into the fray.   
It wasn’t clear who hit her, but with a cry she was sent across the room, her hand going to her throbbing cheek. 

“Katniss!” Peeta rushed over to her and lowered her hand so he could examine her cheek. Gale crawled over and wiped the blood from his nose.

“Katniss, I’m so--“

“Get out, both of you,” she snarled, blinking back tears.

“Katniss,” Peeta protested but she shook her head and slammed her hands onto the floor.

“OUT! Get OUT!” Gale pulled himself up and burst out of the doors, but Peeta stayed where he was.

“You need to get some ice on that, Katniss.”

“Peeta, I’m serious! Get out! Go!”

“I’m not leaving you.” 

“What the hell is the matter with you? Fighting with Gale? WHY, Peeta, WHY?”

“Does it matter? He almost strangled me!” 

“And you nearly killed him! What happened between you two?” Peeta shook his head and was about to answer, when his eyes widened and he moved closer to her.

“Oh my god, Katniss.” She frowned and followed Peeta’s terror-stricken gaze, to her feet. Her bandages were red and wet and she noticed the intense pain. She winced and Peeta rose to his knees.

“Put your arms around my neck.”

“I don’t need--“

“Katniss! Put your arms around my neck. Now.” Sighing, she did as she was told and he swept her into his arms, holding her close. He practically ran down the hallway toward one of the emergency rooms and he looked around for Prim. Spotting her, he cried her name. She came running toward them, her eyes widening.

“What happened?”

“Peeta and Gale were being idiots.” Prim looked confused but Peeta shook his head.

“Never mind that, she got out of bed and walked over to us. I’m afraid she’s losing too much blood.”

“Put her in here,” she pushed a door open and Peeta gently set Katniss on the table. Prim started to unwrap Katniss’s bandages and Peeta felt ill at the sight. Katniss glanced at him and her face softened.

“Looks kind of like your leg did, huh?” Peeta gave her a weak smile.

“Worse.” She chuckled and lay back, closing her eyes. Peeta stood beside her, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. Prim bit her lip and straightened up.

“I need to get some medications and Katniss, I’m going to get morphling to help you relax. I’ll be right back.” 

“Relax,” Katniss laughed darkly. “Yeah right.” 

“I’m so sorry sweetheart,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. She opened her eyes and gazed into his.

“So tell me.”

“What?”

“What he said to get you like that. It wasn’t a flashback, I know, and you are such a sweet and gentle person, you would never attack anyone.”

“Unless they were hurting the girl I love,” he reminded her.

“Ok, besides that. What did he say, Peeta?”

“He just…talked about our baby.”

“What? What did he say?” Peeta shook his head. Gale’s words echoed in his mind and he wanted to block them out. He was shocked those words alone hadn’t made him have a flashback. 

“He wants you to have an abortion,” he said quietly. “He doesn’t think either of us can handle a baby and he doesn’t want you to go through with it. He said since I raped you, nothing is innocent about the child. I told him I’d kill him if he tried to touch you or the baby and he started throwing punches. It escalated from there.” The words tasted bitter and wrong on his tongue and a vein twitched in his jaw. Katniss was speechless. She couldn’t believe Gale would be so heartless. Surely he knew she would never give it up. Didn’t he know her better than that? Well, the Katniss he knew never wanted kids. At all. She had told him she was never having children and she had meant it. She never wanted to fall in love either. It just wasn’t her thing. Gale made a better hunting partner than anything romantic. And while she may have had some sorts of stirrings for Gale, something deeper than just a friend and a hunting partner, she knew she had developed a deep longing for Peeta. A more passionate love than she could have imagined. Now that she was going to have his baby, she could see their life together and it was a good thing. Granted, they still needed to kill Snow and bring down the Capitol. But Katniss just felt that things would be better, if Peeta stayed by her side. She didn’t need to choose anymore. She had made her choice. And Gale would just have to accept that.

“Well…escalated may be an understatement,” was all she could say. He gave her a sad smile and soothed her hair back from her face. Prim returned with a tray of medicines, ice, and a syringe. She handed Peeta the bag of ice, which he gently held to Katniss’s swollen cheek. Katniss reached for Peeta’s hand as Prim held up the large syringe.

“Ok sweetie, just brace yourself and it’ll be over before you know it.” Katniss winced as the needle stuck into her flesh, then she felt herself began to relax. Peeta glanced at Prim worriedly.

“How much did you give her?”

“The burns are pretty serious. We need to knock her out for a bit.” Peeta bit his lip and stroked Katniss’s cheek.

“I’ll be here when you wake up, Katniss. I love you.” She started to form the words on her lips but she was gone before she could complete her sentence of devotion.


	9. Chapter 9

VIIII. 

“Peeta? PEETA!” Her cry echoed in the empty halls and she blinked back tears as she searched frantically. He had just been here, had just been holding her hand, and now he was gone. Where was he? She turned and ran the opposite direction, calling his name. She passed by a room where she heard a baby cry and she stopped, a cold chill running down her spine. She turned toward the room but thought better of it and continued to run. Each room she passed, she heard a baby crying, its cries getting louder and louder until she was at the end of the hall, she felt like the baby was in her arms. She bit her lip and peered into the room at the end of the hall and felt a wave of relief wash over her. There he was, pacing the room with a small bundle in his arms. He was making soothing noises trying to hush the baby’s cries but it continued to squall at the top of its lungs. The look in Peeta’s eyes surprised Katniss. The look he was giving the baby was one he had only ever given Katniss. A look of complete adoration and utter loyalty. An oath of protection and love. 

“Peeta?” When he looked up, his look changed completely. His blue eyes clouded over and looked gray and sad. His face screwed up in terror and rage.

“No! Get away from her! You can’t have her, you evil mutt! GET OUT!”

“Peeta, it’s me!”

“YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED MY WIFE BUT YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!” He launched himself forward, still holding the baby, and one hand closed around her   
throat. She gagged and gasped but his thumb pressed against her windpipe and she saw stars.

“Peeta,” she gasped. “Peeta, please.” 

“You will never touch her,” he snarled in her face as he took her life away. Katniss felt herself slipping away, her eyes going down to the bundle of blankets in Peeta’s arms and saw a pair of big blue eyes looking back at her. 

 

Katniss sat up, screaming, pain shooting through her feet and alarming her even more. Peeta had fallen asleep in the chair next to her but he was up in an instant and rushed to her side.

“Katniss, shh, it’s ok, you’re safe. You’re safe with me.” She fought against his embrace for a moment but he kept his hold, his arms shielding her from the cruel world. 

“Katniss, calm down. You’re ok, we’re ok. I love you, sweetheart, I’m here. Shhh.” She finally began to relax in his grasp but her body still shook with sobs. She held onto his shirt with white knuckles and soon soaked it with her tears. One of his hands moved up to her head, stroking her hair as he continued to whisper soothing words into her ear. Prim and Haymitch watched from the door, sighing heavily 

“What if Gale has a point,” Prim whispered. “What if she is too damaged to have this baby?”

“He’s pretty damaged too, Prim. I wouldn’t have suggested they do this but as you know, they don’t really have a choice.”

“I suppose not but I think I can understand where Gale was coming from. Although I disagree with his methods, I understand his intention. He wants to help Katniss and raising the baby as his would be a little more security than Peeta raising it.” 

“You’ll forgive me but I think Hawthorne has too much temper and pride to father a child.”

“Oh Haymitch. Is anyone ever really ready for a child? Katniss and Peeta certainly aren’t. Gale isn’t. I don’t know if my mother was. We do the best we can, I think, and hope that it is our best. I think the difference is that Peeta and Katniss love each other. And Katniss doesn’t love Gale like that. I would be horrified to grow up and realize my mother and father didn’t love each other.” Haymitch glanced at Prim with a raised brow.

“You’re not worried about what will happen when the baby comes?”

“Of course I am. But as you said, what choice do they have?” Haymitch nodded while Prim peered into the room and sighed when she saw Katniss calmed down, still resting in Peeta’s arms. She opened the door tentatively and approached the couple.

“Are you ok, Katniss?”

“Yeah. It was just a nightmare.”

“How do your feet feel?”

“On fire,” she said in a low voice. Then realizing what she had said, she burst out laughing and shook her head. Peeta and Prim, however, did not find this funny and they frowned. 

“Oh lighten up you two! It’s a joke.”

“Not a funny one,” Prim said quietly.

“Definitely not a funny one,” Peeta agreed. “But then again, humor has never been your forte.” Katniss appreciated his attempt at lightening the mood and she gave him a mock glare.

“Rude. I’ll never tell you another joke again.”

“Thank you.” She stuck her tongue out at him and he chuckled lightly, pulling her close. She couldn’t help but note that this was one of the reasons she had fallen in love with him. His ability to get her out of her messes. He had, on more than one occasion, saved her from awkward and even dangerous situations. She remembered the first time he had done it, when they were in the Capitol for the first time, awaiting their training instructions for the first Hunger Games. Katniss had identified an Avox and the table had been shocked that she presumed to know such a traitor. Peeta had come to her rescue, making up a story that she had resembled Delly Cartwright, a girl they had both known back in District 12. He had been rescuing her ever since. Prim sighed heavily.

“Do you need any more morphling?”

“What time is it?”

“A little past midnight.”

“I’ve been asleep all that time? No, don’t give me anymore! I may sleep for two more days!” 

“It’s to help with the pain, Katniss.”

“Pain I can deal with, Prim. Time’s too precious to keep losing.” Prim and Peeta exchanged looks and she shook her head.

“Call me if you need more. I’m going to go back to the compartment with Mom. Peeta will keep an eye on you until morning.” She squeezed her sister’s hand and left, and Katniss looked up at Peeta.

“They’re letting you stay with me overnight?”

“I didn’t really give them a choice. Neither did Prim. She insisted that there are monitors in here, in case I have a flashback and that I’m the closest you have to family, besides your mom and her of course.”

“I’m sure I am messing up your schedule big time.”

“So what? You’re my top priority and I don’t care about anything else. Training and classes can wait. Nothing else comes close to the love of my life.” Katniss glanced up at him and found herself smiling. In the past when he had spoken like this (well not exactly like this; since they had arrived in 13, he had been much more passionate about his love for her and seem determined every possibly chance to assure her of his love) she had been uncomfortable with the compliments and the attention. Now it fascinated her to hear him speak like this. It made her heart flutter and start to speed up. 

“I love you, Peeta,” she said simply. She knew it was anything but simple but she wanted to say it as much as possible as well. He smiled and pushed her hair out of her eyes.

“I love you too. And I love hearing that. I can’t tell you how much I love hearing that.”

“I think I have an idea,” she said softly, her hand going to his chest and feeling his heart racing. Her fingers played with the buttons of his shirt and she popped the first two open. He sucked in a breath as her fingers slid in and touched his soft flesh, which was hot to the touch. Her other hand went to his hair and buried itself in his golden locks, tugging him down toward her. The moment his lips touched hers, Katniss felt a fire light inside her heart. She slid her tongue past his lips and he moaned as their tongues met; he angled his head so he could deepen the kiss and his hands moved up to cup her face. Her fingers made quick work of the rest of the buttons and when she had the shirt open, she easily slid it from his arms. Her eyes took him all in, admiring the muscular chest and arms that protected her and comforted her. Her fingers went to the little golden hairs that decorated his chest and her eyes were drawn to the fine line of fuzz around his navel that made its way down into his jeans. Her hands went to the button of his jeans but his hand on her wrist made her freeze.

“Katniss!” She looked up at him, her eyes pleading and his face softened. His hand fell away from hers and he watched as she worked the button and zipper and quickly yanked his jeans down, leaving blue boxers that really did nothing to hide his growing arousal. Her hands gripped his hips as she pulled him between her legs and wrapped her arms around his neck. Peeta didn’t seem too certain about where he should put his hands and settled for wrapping them in her dark hair. She sat on the edge of the table and he stood between her thighs, leaning in and pressing himself against her. Katniss’s hands traveled the expanse of his back, slowly, teasingly, down to the waistband of his boxers, where she slid a hand in and gripped his muscular backside. He gasped into her mouth and she swore she felt his cock twitch against her. Her fingertips massaged him gently before they moved back to the waistband and she started to peel the boxers away.

“Katniss,” he panted against her lips. She could see he looked nervous so she brought one of her hands to his cheek and ran along the soft skin with her finger.

“I want to see you,” she said softly. He swallowed, his eyes boring into hers, but finally he nodded and assisted her in pulling them down around his ankles. He kicked them away and stood before her, completely naked. Katniss’s wide eyes drank him in completely. Every bit of him was perfect in her eyes. He waited, hardly daring to breathe, as she studied him from head to toe. Her hands reached out and started at his cheek, traveling her fingertips down his chest and muscles, down his slender stomach, across his hips, down his thighs and finally tracing over the veined underside of his hardening cock. He hissed as soon as her fingers touched his arousal and he squeezed his eyes shut. Katniss withdrew her hand and bit her lip.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s just…I want tonight to be about you, Katniss. I want to make you feel good.” 

“You…you do make me feel good,” she said, slightly confused. He shook his head and kneed her legs apart again, brushing against her clothed center. His hand went to her slender throat before he kissed her, only briefly, before dragging his lips down to her throat. His tongue lazily traced across her neck and she moaned as she tilted her head, giving him permission to continue. He licked the edge of her ear and she shivered, feeling a delicious sensation that made her stomach roll and her heart race. She had never in her life felt such delicious agony. Something was building inside her, something that wanted to get out and be free. Of course Katniss would always compare everything to hunting and to nature, so she soon thought of the sensations as a wild animal, caught in a trap. She was caught in a trap. Peeta’s trap. But she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be free anymore. His tongue on her skin was causing shudders to pass through her and her hands found their way back to his arousal. He moaned against her neck when she grasped him softly but she stopped at the base, unsure of how to continue. She leaned up and kissed his neck, moving up to his ear.

“Show me.” He bit his lip and let out a low growl. His hand covered hers but then he glanced up at the monitor and cleared his throat. 

“Just a minute,” he said in a low voice. He hit the wall beside them and the room was plunged into darkness. Katniss felt him move away and she started to panic.

“Peeta?”

“I’m here,” came his voice from a few feet away.

“What are you doing?”

“Be patient, Katniss. I’m right here.” Katniss wouldn’t admit that she hated the dark. But it brought back nightmares from the train, before Peeta would come in and hold her. 

“Peeta, please. I don’t--“ he silenced her with a kiss and he was picking her up. Apparently he knew how to navigate in the dark and he was lowering to the floor, laying her down on a scratchy hospital blanket. He reached behind her and made sure the pillows stayed so she could lie down. Before her back hit the blanket, however, Peeta’s hands were gripping the edge of her hospital gown and tugged upwards. She felt cold air hit her bare breasts and she gasped, her arms instantly covering herself. Peeta frowned in the darkness.

“Now this doesn’t seem fair. You saw me but I can’t see you.”

“Need to build up the anticipation for you,” she said with a grin.

“Katniss, I have been in love with you since I was five. I have been dreaming of you since I was seven. I have been fantasizing about you since I was eleven. I have been making love to you in my mind since I was fourteen. Twelve YEARS of anticipation, Katniss, would kill most people.” 

“But you’re not most people,” she gently reminded him, searching for his face with her hands. He gripped her wrist and kissed her palm. “Most people would have given up by now. Moved onto someone else, someone they deserved. You deserve so much better, Peeta.”

“Nothing is better than you. And I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.” She nodded, forgetting that he couldn’t see her, and felt his lips press against hers again. He gently leaned over her, laying her back completely and kneeing her legs apart so he could lie on top of her. All that kept them from being skin to skin was the cotton panties she wore and she felt them growing sort of damp. She frowned, trying to shift her hips to ease the discomfort but her hips were cradling Peeta’s mid-section and she couldn’t go anywhere. Peeta broke the kiss and moved to kiss her neck, sucking at her throat and her earlobes. Using one hand to support himself, he moved the other to trace down her neck, across her collarbone, until his palm came into contact with her breast. They both sucked in a breath at the contact and he massaged it gently, his calloused palms bringing exquisite torture to her hardened nipples. He moved his hand to her other breast and she let out a little cry when she felt his tongue there. He took her breast into his mouth, swirling his tongue around her areola and soaking it in his saliva. She arched her back, shoving more of her flesh into his eager mouth while his other hand massaged her gently. Taking her nipple between his teeth he pulled ever so slightly, making her cry out and toss her head, thankful that   
there was a pillow underneath her. His hand moved from her breast down to her hipbone, where a single finger traced the line of her underwear. 

“Peeta,” she panted. There was a wet -pop- and he released her breast, looking up at her and grinning. He wished he could see her. He imagined she looked absolutely perfect in this state. 

“God I love the sound of that,” he growled. 

“What,” she said breathlessly, her arms flung out to the sides.

“My name dripping from your lips. It’s intoxicating.”   
“Mmmm,” was all she could say. He chuckled and went back to lavishing her flesh with his tongue, picking up where he had left off. His hand had not moved from her hip and slowly, moved down to cup her through her underwear. She bucked her hips and groaned while something rumbled in Peeta’s chest.

“God Katniss you’re so wet.” She had no idea what he meant but she assumed he was referring to the dampness between her legs, for that was what he was touching. She had no idea how to respond to that. Sorry? A smart-aleck comment that she simply did not have? She chose to remain silent and she leaned up to look down at him. Of course she could hardly see anything but she saw his profile had gone very still, like he was studying something. His hand curved around her core and his finger slid under the cotton and touched her slit. Her hips bucked again and she shot up. Peeta went back to her lips, filling her mouth and comforting her with his kisses. His hand went back to her thighs, his fingertip teasing the inside of her thigh and drifted over the cotton. 

“Have you ever touched yourself, Katniss?”

“Touched myself?”

“Right here,” he cupped her again and she gasped.

“N-no.”

“Really?”

“Sure Peeta, I went to town in the cave while you were dying next to me,” she said, sharper than she intended. 

“I meant before the Games. You never…wanted to?”

“I wanted to. But I shared a bed with Prim. We were always sleeping too close. I just never had the courage to try. I wanted to…the other night…”

“The other night?”

“When you kissed me…I felt…warm. Very warm.”

“Was it a good feeling?”

“I don’t know…yeah, I guess so.” 

“Seventeen years old and never had an orgasm. My beautiful girl, we are about to fix that.” She felt her face grow very red and she could only mutter something incoherent. She heard him chuckle close to her ear before he kissed her again.

“Relax. I promise, you’ll enjoy it. If I’m doing anything that makes you uncomfortable though, tell me and I’ll stop. Alright?” She didn’t say anything but she swallowed.

“Katniss?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.” He pressed his lips against hers and their tongues clashed together. They angled their heads and deepened the kiss, Peeta’s tongue exploring her mouth. His hand went back to massaging her breast, playing with her nipple between his fingers and she moaned, squirming a little. His tongue raked across her skin, down her neck, down her chest, pausing to lavish her breasts a little more and soak both nipples in his saliva. When he had paid enough attention to both globes, he moved down her stomach, pausing to lick around her bellybutton and chuckled against her skin when her belly flinched. He pressed a few kisses around her belly, remembering there was something even more precious underneath the delicious skin. When his tongue reached her pantyline, he hooked a thumb underneath the band and pulled them down her legs. His hot breath directly on her core made her shiver and moan with anticipation. He kissed and sucked at her inner thighs, before he moved to her core and slid his tongue up and down. She cried out, bucking her hips against his mouth and his tongue delved into her folds. 

“Peeta! AH!” A long stroke of his tongue made her quiver and his frantic attention to the little nub of nerves at the apex of her thighs worked her into a frenzy. Her hands reached down and she wrapped her fingers in his hair. When he did something right, he was rewarded with a sharp tug or a passionate yank. Peeta moved his hand up to massage her breast while his tongue flicked across that spot and she whimpered out his name. He felt like he would explode at any minute, at the sound of his name being moaned by the only girl he had ever loved. His hand came back down between her thighs and he spread her apart with his fingers, slowly inserting a finger and pushing in and pulling out. She bucked her hips to the rhythm of his thrusts and soon he added a second finger. His tongue worked at her as she rode his fingers and he felt her start to tense up. Her breathing was heavy and labored and she moaned his name over and over. He leaned down to kiss above her pelvis, his fingers still thrusting in and out, as he looked up at her.

“Come for me, Katniss. Let yourself go.”

“P-Peeta…oh my god…”

“That’s it baby. Let go.”

“PEETA!” She was afraid the entire district could hear them but he could have cared less. His face and fingers soaked in her juices, he quickly wiped himself off before he went back and kissed her hard on the mouth. She tasted something besides his sweet mix of sugar and vanilla and realized it was her. She gripped his hair as he kissed her, and he moved to lie at her side. He kissed her cheeks and her nose, nuzzling her gently as he lay down with her, his arms wrapping around her and bringing her close.

“Wow,” she panted, still trying to catch her breath. He let out a low chuckle and kissed her temple.

“Seventeen years without that, huh?” 

“Well it’s not like there were any guys in the district who would have done that for me.” 

“I would have been the first one at your door,” he laughed. She suddenly tensed up and her mind started to race. Where HAD he learned all that? She knew he had been popular in school and she knew many girls had liked him. How many had he been close with? Shared his secrets, his hopes, his dreams? His desires? She suddenly felt like throwing up and she leaned up.

“You ok?” He sounded sleepy, like he was on the verge of reaching his dreams.

“Yeah. Just need to use the bathroom.” She grabbed her gown and underwear and pulled them on. She knew the bathroom was close by but she had no idea how she would make it there without hurting her feet. Gritting her teeth, she crawled a few feet away and held her feet in the air behind her. Feeling foolish, she continued on her way and made it to the bathroom, where she collapsed next to the toilet. She cried out as her feet hit the floor and felt a throbbing pain travel across her foot to her ankle. She leaned over and was sick in the toilet, clutching at her stomach as another wave of nausea hit. She wiped at her face, then lay down on the cold tile floor. Was it the baby or the thought of Peeta’s escapades that was making her sick? Well, she could blame Peeta for both, she supposed. She lay on her side and clutched her stomach, attempting to block out the images that insisted on haunting her. Pictures of Peeta with other girls, doing things to and with other girls, flew through her mind.

“Stop,” she said through gritted teeth. Finally, she succumbed to the tears. She curled up into a ball and cried into her arm, feeling exhaustion come over her as her entire body went limp.


	10. Chapter 10

((wanted to say a quick thank you for all the reviews and kudos and for reading!! In this chapter later on, the * basically represents italics)) 

 

X

 

Peeta was jolted away by two things: The sound of snuffling coming from the bathroom and the feeling of empty space where Katniss had been in his arms a few moments ago. He leaped to his feet and pulled his jeans back on, nearly slipping on the blanket, and put out his hands to steady himself.   
There was a small light in the bathroom and Peeta could make out a shape huddled on the floor. He was at her side in an instant, dropping to his knees and flipping her over. His shoulders hunched when he heard her breathing and he sighed.

“Katniss, why didn’t you wake me? You can’t be walking on those feet!”

“I didn’t walk, I crawled,” she said in a voice choked with sobs.

“That’s worse. C’mon, let me carry you back to your room.” He easily lifted her in his arms and carried her down the hall to her room, where he lay her down on the bed. She sniffled and wiped at her nose with her hand. She winced when he turned on the lights and sat down next to her.

“Do you want me to call Prim to get you some pain medication?”

“It doesn’t hurt that much.”

“Then why were you crying?” She felt stupid for letting this bother her so much and she just shook her head. Peeta gently cupped her chin and made her look up at him. His blue eyes were thoughtful and caring. Katniss saw love and worry swirling around in those depths of blue and she sighed.

“How many were there?”

“How many what?”

“Girls. How many girls did you…umm…”

“Did I what, Katniss?”

“Don’t make me say it, Peeta!” 

“What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything with any girls. How many times do I have to tell you, you were the only one I was thinking about!” 

“But surely…you had to have…you were so popular!”

“Oh ok, so because I had a lot of friends, you think I slept around with everyone.”

“I didn’t say that,” she felt her temper rising. “But you seem…experienced. At least you’re very confident in yourself.”

“I had two older brothers who liked to talk when they thought I was asleep. I learned a lot from them.” Her face softened and she bit her lip.

“So you never…you haven’t-?”

“No.” He cupped her chin again and moved up to stroke her face. “I didn’t want anyone else. I had eyes for one person and she never had eyes for me. So why would I waste myself on someone else?”

“And you were actually waiting for me? What if you had never gotten up the courage to talk to me?”

“I wouldn’t call it waiting, even though that’s exactly what it was. I was hoping. Hoping one day, things would change. Dreaming of the day that you would look my way, when you would speak my name. And as I grew older, my fantasies grew more…elaborate. The sound of you crying out my name, how you would writhe underneath me…much like you did tonight.” She smiled weakly and sighed.

“I’m sorry. I’m a jealous mess.”

“You have absolutely nothing to be jealous of, Katniss. You were the only one who has ever been on my mind. It’s only been you. It’s always been you.” He leaned forward and kissed her gently. Her heart raced for her boy with the bread. Hearing him speak so passionately, so truthfully about his want and need and love for her made her fall in love even more. She reached up and touched his cheek and his hand covered hers, before pulling it away to kiss her palm. He gazed into her eyes and he smiled. He felt a sharp pain flash through his brain and he winced, dropping her hand.

“Peeta?”

“Yeah,” he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Are you…alright?”

“Fine, I’m…oh damn.” He reached out to grip the chair and he held onto it tightly. Katniss saw his knuckles whiten and his muscles tighten as he fought the images that raced through his mind. He shook his head and whimpered a little. Katniss sat up and reached out for him but he drew back, slamming into the wall. 

“Katniss…please, call for some help. I don’t…want to be alone with you,” he said through clenched teeth. Katniss considered calling for Prim or Haymitch but she bit her lip, thinking that she needed to try to get through to him. To keep him here with her. After all, what would happen when the baby came? She couldn’t be scared that the father of her child was going to strangle her at any given moment. She sat on the edge of the bed, not really having a way to get to him.

“Peeta, I know you can still hear me. Come back to me. Stay with me. I love you so much. Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not leaving you,” he said softly, his eyes still shut. 

“Then open your eyes and see me. See me for the girl who loves you, not a dangerous mutt.” 

“A mutt…a filthy mutt…a Capitol mutt,” he muttered, his brow furrowing.

“No Peeta. It’s all lies. I love you. I’m having your baby. I would give my life for you.”

“I love her,” he said firmly. “No, I LOVE her.” Katniss watched in horror as he started to have a conversation with himself that involved quite a bit of hitting. She couldn’t take it. She pressed the button by her bed and soon two doctors entered the room. She pointed a shaking finger and they immediately turned on Peeta, grabbing him by the arms. 

“Don’t hurt him! Don’t sedate him! Just escort him back to his room. Peeta, remember, I’m here and I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Don’t leave me,” he pleaded as the doctors dragged him toward the door. “Katniss. Katniss!”

“I’m here, Peeta. I’ll always be right here.”

“Don’t leave me! Don’t ever leave me!”

“Never! I’ll never leave you,” she whispered as she watched him disappear through the door, tears starting to cloud her vision. They returned a few moments later.

“He’s been locked in his room, Miss Everdeen. We will check on him in the morning.”

“You didn’t sedate him, did you?”

“He was hysterical, Miss--“

“He was NOT hysterical, he was confused,” she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why are you people so worried about me when you should be worried about his recovery? Why are you making it so difficult for him to get better?”

“Miss Everdeen, you should get your rest.” The doctor shuffled into the room to turn the lights off and without another word, they shut the door behind them. Katniss could have sworn she heard the sound of a key in a lock and she collapsed on her back, one hand draping over her eyes while the other rested on her belly. In no time at all, she was sound asleep, battling mutts with red eyes and other terrible visions that followed her through her nightmares.

 

Peeta awoke as the sun was coming up and he blinked several times before taking in his surroundings. He didn’t remember returning to his room last night. He supposed he had said goodnight to Katniss and walked back here in the early hours. He quickly pulled some clean cloths from the drawer and went to get a quick shower. When he dried off, he glanced around again, shuddering at how pristine everything was. It wasn’t as if the bakery was always messy but flour and sugar were always all over everything and it always had that delicious smell about it. Now all he could smell was something sickly and foul. Shaking himself, he walked down the hall to Katniss’s room and peered into her window. He saw she was sound asleep, curled on her side, and he smiled, deciding to let her rest. A thought came to him, which made his smile fade and he started off in the opposite direction.  
Haymitch looked up when the door opened and he looked surprised.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, kid. How you feeling?”

“It’s all jumbled together, Haymitch. The flashbacks aren’t making sense and I don’t remember anything from when I had one. I’m terrified I’m going to hurt Katniss one day. But I also can’t be without her. I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ll figure it out together, kid. You two are strong and your love is even stronger. What’s on your schedule today?”

“Training but not until later. Haymitch, I need a favor.” Haymitch blinked and waited.

“I need to see the tape.”

“What tape?”

“Come on Haymitch. I know there are tapes from my cell. I need to see the night with Katniss. Please.”

“Peeta. Why do you need to see it? Really, what good will it do?”

“I just need to see it. Please.”

“Peeta--“

“Damn it Haymitch, you OWE me,” Peeta growled. Haymitch was taken aback and he noticed just how much the boy had been changed. He hung his head sadly, realizing that he was partly to blame for these terrible changes. The poor kid had been through so much and if he had just tried to think of another way to get both of them out of the arena, safely, they wouldn’t even be in this mess. He sighed and reached forward to press a button. Peeta’s eyes flew to the screen and they widened at the sight of Katniss hanging limply in her chains, her clothes all torn off and her head resting on her chest. Thread entered the cell and he buried his hand in her hair, yanking up. She let out a cry as she was jerked awake and her eyes focused on him as her body started to tremble with fear.

*You can’t save him, little mockingjay. He’s too far gone. He’s lost to you. He will never return to you. And I’ll show you how much we control him.*  
His hand released her and he walked around to a sleeping Peeta on the bed and he withdrew a dagger from his belt, pointing it at Peeta’s chest and digging the point into his flesh. 

*You’ll think twice before you interrupt me during punishment of my prisoners, won’t you boy* Peeta and Haymitch heard the peacekeeper say. *Get up.*   
Haymitch jumped as Thread backhanded Peeta and he stood over him with a cruel smile.

*Since you were so eager to help our prisoner last night, I imagine you won’t object to our latest punishment for her.* Peeta swallowed as he watched himself being dragged toward Katniss, who continued to shake in her chains.

*Since you have already done this with her, it should be no problem, right?*   
Haymitch reached over and turned the volume knob down but Peeta shook his head.

“Turn it back up.”

“Peeta--“

“Now!” Sighing, Haymitch obeyed and Peeta focused his eyes on the peacekeeper.

*I thought you deserved a little fun. Don’t worry. No one is in the control room right now.*

“Sick bastard,” Haymitch whispered. Peeta glanced sideways at him before looking back up at the screen to see himself now naked, walking around Katniss, gazing at her naked form.

*Please Peeta…don’t do this.* Peeta stifled a sob at Katniss’s pleading and he bit his lip, watching himself for his reaction. 

*They’ll kill us both if I don’t. Trust me, I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to touch you. But we’ve already done this once, right? So let’s just get it over with.*

*Peeta…we’ve never…I haven’t…please--* 

*Don’t lie to me! I know you were pregnant during the Quarter Quell. Yet one more thing you took from me.*  
Peeta shook his head and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

“Peeta, we don’t have to--“

“Yes we do. Keep it on.” Haymitch swallowed and turned back to the screen.

*You whore,* he heard himself say and he gasped. *How many times have you given yourself to Gale, hm? Sleep with me, sleep with Gale, sleep with whomever else! Haymitch maybe? Finnick? You’re just a Seam whore!*  
Peeta groaned and covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking. Haymitch reached out to comfort him but seemed uncertain how to go about that. He settled for gripping the boy’s arm for a moment before patting his hand. 

*I bet you like this, being tied up, just waiting. I should blindfold you. Then you’d really enjoy it huh?* 

“Oh god no,” he whispered, not looking at the screen. 

*What if I gag you, huh Katniss? Stuff a sheet in your mouth? Or maybe you’d rather my cock. I could fuck your mouth before I fuck you.*  
He heard the sound of a slap and he dropped his hands, his eyes widening as he shook his head in disbelief.

*Open your eyes, bitch, and look at me!* Peeta hid his face in his hands again, groaning and starting to rock back and forth. Haymitch’s hand darted forward to turn it off but Peeta noticed.

“NO! Leave it. I need to see this.”

“Peeta it is only making things worse for you! Katniss wouldn’t want you to see this.”

“I don’t care. I know Gale has seen it. I don’t want to be the only one not knowing what I’ve done.” 

“What you’ve done is in the past! Why are you torturing yourself?” Peeta didn’t answer. His eyes froze on the screen, watching as he stroked himself and walked around Katniss again.

*Does this turn you on, Katniss? Do you like being dominated? You want me to fuck you so hard you can’t see straight?* 

“That isn’t me,” Peeta whimpered miserably. “Does anyone know, that is NOT me?”

“We all know it isn’t you. It’s the Capitol. So stop blaming yourself,” Haymitch said gruffly. Peeta’s eyes widened as he heard the screams and he broke down completely. He turned away, bending down to put his head between his knees as he whimpered and shook his head. He couldn’t block out the sounds of Katniss pleading for him to stop or his sickened grunting. His hands went to his hair and he tugged viciously. 

“Peeta, stop it. You wanted to see it. So watch what happens next.” Haymitch roughly turned Peeta back around to face the screen and they watched Katniss sob in her chains while Peeta disappeared from the frame for a moment. They heard angry voices and Peeta recognized Johanna’s angry cries. When he reappeared in the frame, Peeta held his breath. He stood in front of Katniss, his arms crossed and an unfeeling look on his face.

*Look at me. Damn it, Katniss. Open your eyes and LOOK at me.* He was holding her chin between his fingers and he seemed to shake with rage while Katniss trembled in fear. 

*In my eyes, Katniss. LOOK. AT. ME.*  
Peeta saw it the moment it happened. The moment their eyes met, something shifted and the hijacking failed. He hoped the bastards had had a chance to watch this before they were rescued. A slap in the face, proof that they hadn’t destroyed his love for her after all. 

*Katniss?* His voice was gentle and smoother than it had been only seconds ago. Haymitch reached out and grasped Peeta’s shoulder as they watched him return to her.

*Katniss. I’m so…my god. What have I done?* He saw her shake her head and he groaned.

“Tell me, Katniss,” he whispered.

*I don’t know what they did to make me…forget…I don’t even know what I’ve done to you…what have I done…*  
He remembered this moment, how he had shaken with rage and fear when his eyes had appraised her. He swallowed as he watched himself wrap the sheet around her, hiding her flesh, flesh that only he should ever see. 

*Did I…did I hurt you, Katniss?*

“Tell me, Katniss. Tell the truth.”

“She loves you, Peeta. She doesn’t want to hurt you.” They watched as she shook her head no and he threw his arms around her, holding her close to his chest. He saw her shoulders shake as she cried into his chest and he slammed his hand on the table.

“Why did she lie to me? Why did she fucking lie?”

“What did you want her to say? She didn’t even know about the hijacking, only that something horrible had happened to you.” Haymitch turned the monitor off and Peeta did not object. He stared at the black screen, motionless. 

“She wouldn’t have told me if she hadn’t gotten pregnant. She would have kept this from me.”

“She would have told you eventually, Peeta. You know how she is.”

“Yeah I do and I know she has her secrets. She has her private life that she doesn’t let anyone into. Even if we had gotten together in the future, which I don’t altogether believe we would have, she would have pretended it was her first time. She would have lied to me again!” 

“Peeta. Imagine if the roles were reversed. You’ve lost Katniss and you know the Capitol is doing terrible things to her. You see her on TV, you think, something is wrong. She doesn’t look well. So you agree to help the people who have been pestering you to join and fight with them. Your only thought is to rescue her. You agree to become the face of the rebellion, to save her life. A rescue mission is planned and you know it will be too late, so you go off on your own and try to save her. You get caught and taken by your enemies. Lo and behold, you’re in the same cell as your love but she doesn’t know who you are. She’s been tortured and messed with to hate you, to curse your name, to kill you. But that doesn’t stop you from loving her and all you want to do is prove to her you love her. More terrible things happen to her and terrible things happen to you. You are chained up while she is forced to take advantage of you and then after it happens, she miraculously returns to you. She still loves you so much, she knows she could never hurt you because that would never cross her mind. Do you tell her what happened?”

“Of course not, I would just…”

“Just what, Peeta?”

“I would want to keep her safe as possible and let her know how loved she is.”

“Don’t you think if she knew what she had done, she would feel horrible? Dirty and used and unworthy of your love?”

“Yeah but--“

“Listen! Ok, so you decide not to tell her. Maybe you will one day, but for now, you forget about it. And then you’re both rescued! She seems to be coming back to you a little bit more everyday so you would want to do everything you possibly can to keep her recovery going strong, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t want to say anything that may cause her to revert to her poisoned mind. So you still don’t mention anything about what happened to you both. You keep it a secret, to protect your love. Or do you think you would tell her?” He waited while Peeta thought.

“I don’t like secrets. They destroy relationships and wreck the most precious of love. But you’re right, I would want to protect her so I would keep that a secret. Even though I know she’d be mad at me, I would keep quiet about it as long as possible.” He heaved a great sigh and shook his head.

“Ok Haymitch, you’ve made your point. I don’t like the situation at all…but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Nope, nothing. Just stay alive and spend the rest of your life making it up to her. I once told her she could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve you. But I think I was wrong. I think you two deserve each other, and I mean that in the very best way.”

“I know you do, I just…wait. You told her what?” Peeta frowned at Haymitch, shaking his head. “Why the hell would you say something like that to her?”

“It was right after the second Reaping and she was asking me to save you. She agreed with me. We think you’re much too good for this life.” 

“This life? You mean with Katniss?”

“I mean before Katniss, kid. Your mom hitting you, you living in one of the poorest districts, you being Reaped, you being taken advantage of and your love exploited, all of it. You don’t deserve any of it.”

“Neither does Katniss,” Peeta said firmly.

“Do any of us? We make the most out of the lives that we are given but at some point, enough is just enough.”

“When did enough become enough for you, Haymitch?” Peeta watched his mentor and they were both silent for the longest time.

“When Snow had my family and my girl killed. It was the same situation as Katniss with the berries. I knew Snow would never leave you guys alone. Enough was enough a long time ago but at that moment, I decided if I ever had the opportunity to see that man die, I would seize it. And it came when Katniss and you were flung into my life. It took awhile but I finally saw what she was capable of and agreed that she would be able to lead the rebellion. I agreed to help Plutarch and the others, because my mind was only on vengeance. I’m sorry, kid. I’m sorry I didn’t think of how it would affect people. People I actually care about.” Peeta was surprised to see such emotion coming from the old drunkard and he straightened up in his seat. 

“Haymitch--“

“Damn I need a drink. Hold down the fort for me, ok, while I go see if I can sneak anything.”

“Sneak it from whom?”

“I don’t care, someone around this place has to have some kind of drink!” Peeta chuckled to himself as Haymitch lumbered off. Peeta turned back to the screens and wondered how Haymitch could watch everything that was going on, on these screens. His eyes scanned over the monitors, pausing to think how creepy it was that they could watch Johanna sleep. Toward the left, his heart leaped at the sight of Katniss in her bed, tossing and turning and surely muttering to herself. Peeta bit his lip, resisting the urge to run to her room and comfort her, and he continued to survey the screens.   
The doors opened and Peeta whirled around, freezing in place.


	11. Chapter 11

XI. 

Beetee and Gale were in mid-conversation when both of them stopped. 

“Peeta, how wonderful to see you,” Beetee said calmly. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better, Beetee, thank you. How are you?”

“I’m doing just fine. We are working on new traps for the Capitol.”

“Traps?”

“Bombs,” Gale said, crossing his arms and looking smug. “Beetee is combining my traps and snares with the technology and the explosives that he works with. This is how we can take down the Capitol.”

“No, this is how you destroy all life as we know it! Why do we have to annihilate the human race to bring down the Capitol? All we need to do is to capture Snow.” 

“For someone who was a prisoner of the Capitol and made to do some awful things, I would think you’d be happy about this.” Peeta glared coldly at Gale.

“I’d never be happy about murder. This is wrong, Gale. Does Katniss know about this?”

“She doesn’t need to. President Coin supports our efforts. It’s why we are planning to travel to District 2 soon. They are the closest to the Capitol and are completely babied. If we can take them down, we can easily move on the Capitol.”

“Katniss is still too weak to join us in our meetings, Peeta,” Beetee said gently, shooting Gale a warning glance. “We plan to tell her as soon as she returns.” 

“She’s the Mockingjay,” Gale said coldly. “The face of the rebellion. She’ll go along with the plan.”

“You obviously don’t know her if you think that,” Peeta argued, taking a step forward.

“Maybe it’s you who doesn’t know her. How long have you known her now, Peeta? Maybe a year? Two at most?”

“So what?”

“So I’ve known her since she was a scared little girl. We talked in those woods, shared secrets. I know how she thought, how she felt.”

“People change!”

“You think she’s changed that much?”

“The Games change you, Gale,” Peeta hissed, stepping up to him. “You don’t really expect to survive and then you do and return home to see that your whole life is different. Katniss survived twice. Her life has been flipped upside down. Yes, I think she’s changed that much. The little girl you knew didn’t want to get married or have children or…fall in love. Look at how much has changed.” Gale’s eyes flashed.

“She doesn’t want all of that. It was forced on her. It was forced on her when you became her ally in the first Games.” 

“I saved her life!”

“Maybe. Maybe you just very slowly destroyed her life.” 

“Everything I did was to protect her,” Peeta snarled in Gale’s face while Gale remained impassive. “From the second I went into that arena with her, all I could think about was how to keep her alive. You think what you will, Gale, but I love her with all my heart. And she loves me too.” 

“Boys, please--“ Beetee tried to step between them but they were so close together, their red faces were inches from each other. 

“You think what you will, Peeta. But remember this: if she hadn’t been Reaped, she would be marrying me. Because you were too cowardly to confess to her you liked her. Until you decided to do it in front of the entire country.” Peeta launched himself at Gale but was held back. 

“What the hell is going on,” Haymitch asked Beetee, who was now standing between the two boys. “Peeta, stop it. Katniss is awake and is asking for you. Go on.” He released Peeta and Peeta yanked his shirt straight, still shooting daggers at Gale. Haymitch turned to Gale, his eyes narrowed.

“I don’t even want to know what you said. But you had better watch it. If you cause him to have a flashback, Katniss will kick your ass and then the rest of us will follow.” 

“Don’t fucking blame me for his problems,” Gale barked. “It’s not my fault if the little boy can’t handle whatever comes his way.” Haymitch was the one who launched himself forward angrily and Gale took a step back, his eyes wide.

“Get out of here! Get the HELL out of here before I beat your ass!” Beetee held him back and shot Gale a glare.

“Go back to the armory!” Gale obeyed and scurried out. Haymitch breathed heavily as he jerked himself out of Beetee’s grasp.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered.

“I know, Haymitch. Jealousy will make you say anything. We’re all on the same side. Just calm down. Did you find your drink”

“Hell no. This district sucks.” 

“I’m sorry we don’t meet your expectations Mr. Abernathy,” said a cold voice from the door. Haymitch whirled around and nearly fell to the floor.

“President Coin. If you’re looking for Gale, he just left.” 

“Oh I saw him storm off. I need to speak to Mr. Mellark about his training schedule.”

“He’s gone to see Katniss.”

“Very well, I needed to speak to Miss Everdeen as well. Good day to you both.” 

 

Peeta stomped his way to Katniss’s room, his blood boiling from Gale’s words. His fists clenched and he was shaking with rage. He had hoped when Gale had volunteered to rescue him and the others, that they would be allies but it was clear that they would not even be that. It was obvious to him that Gale would never forgive him for what he had done to Katniss and he couldn’t say he blamed him. But he had made the decision to try to move on from that and he hoped everyone else could try too. Gale, it seemed, would never let it go. He would never let Peeta live with himself.   
Peeta gasped as a terrible image of a red-eyed Katniss wormed its way into his mind and invaded his thoughts. He stopped in his tracks and shook his head frantically. 

“No,” he moaned. “I love Katniss…I will always love Katniss. You can’t win! You’ll never win!” Soft laughter echoed in his ears, as if Snow stood right beside him, and the laughter changed to that of a female’s. Peeta reached out to steady himself against the wall and he groaned. 

When he straightened up, he looked around and frowned. The memories were fuzzy but he vaguely remembered something about going to see Katniss. He didn’t want to kill her anymore, it was true, but he didn’t particularly want to see her. Everyone around him told him how much he loved her and he just couldn’t see why. She was rude, irritable, temperamental, and sometimes very short with him. And he knew she didn’t love him. Shrugging, he turned away but stopped when he heard his name.

“Oh Peeta, I’m so glad you stopped by,” Prim said cheerfully. “Katniss has been asking about you!”

“How come?” he asked suspiciously.

“She said you weren’t doing very well last night. Do you want to come in?”

“Ok.,” he said shortly, following her into the room. Katniss was sitting up, eating pudding and Prim giggled, which made Peeta raise a brow.

“I’m just glad she’s eating again. I want the baby to have the proper nutrition.”

“Um, baby?!” Prim looked at him, surprised.

“She told you, didn’t she?”

“She most certainly did not! What baby?” 

“Um…Katniss?” Katniss looked up and finally noticed the people in her room. She started to smile but it faded when she saw how angry Peeta looked…and how clouded his eyes were. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about a baby,” he demanded, not moving from the door. Prim cleared her throat.

“I think I’ll go help Mom. The monitors are on, Katniss, let me know if--“

“I’m not going to kill her Prim,” Peeta snapped. 

“I never said that you would, Peeta,” she said gently. “If either of you need anything, please call for me.” She hurried out, unsure of how to respond to this new Peeta. Her sister had told her about the flashbacks but she didn’t realize how terrible it would be to see Peeta so…different. Poor Katniss. She had to find a way to help bring him back. Peeta could not raise a child in this state.  
Peeta’s arms were crossed over his chest and he stared at Katniss expectantly. 

“I have told you Peeta,” she said delicately.

“Liar. I would definitely remember that.”

“Look, this is the hijacking talking. You have to fight it, Peeta. You have to come back to me.” 

“So you can use me to keep you safe, like I always did? Use me to comfort you? Use me for your own selfish desires?”

“You RAPED me, Peeta!” 

“I didn’t have a choice! They would have killed us if I didn’t obey them. I had already gotten in trouble for standing up for you. You’re always getting me into danger. And how the hell was I supposed to know you were a virgin? Everything they showed me is so messed up, Katniss!” Katniss opened her mouth then closed it again, and nodded.

“You’re right. Your life would have been better if you had never met me.” 

“Oh shut up. You know I have been in love for you for years. At least that’s what they tell me. I don’t know why though.”

“I don’t either. Honest, I don’t. I don’t know what you see…or saw. But you have saved my life more times than I can count.”

“I must have loved you a lot,” he said quietly. She nodded, blinking back tears.

“You did.” 

“And did you love me?” 

“Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me." 

“That’s not an answer,” he said crossly. She lowered her head.

“I love you, Peeta. I’ve loved you for a long time, I was just too stupid to admit it. But I can tell you and mean it with all my heart.” Peeta looked surprised, clearly not expecting her to admit her love. He lowered his arms and cocked his head.

“Huh. You surprise me, mockingjay.”

“Why, because you find out I have a heart?”

“I knew you had a heart. I heard it practically beating out of your chest when you were being tortured in front of me. I just didn’t think it beat for me.”

“It beats only for you,” she said, glancing down and placing her palms over her stomach. Peeta’s eyes followed hers and he swallowed. 

“I’m, um…I’m sorry. For doing that…to you.”

“You gave me new life, Peeta. Don’t apologize for that.” She reached out toward him and he stood motionless for a moment before he moved forward and took her hand. He moved towards her, her hand grasping his and tugging him forward. He fell into the chair beside the bed and gazed into her eyes. As she watched, the clouds disappeared and those beautiful blue eyes returned. He blinked and frowned. 

“Katniss? What’s going on?”

“What do you remember, Peeta?”

“Oh damn it, did I flashback again? What did I do to you, Katniss? Did I--“

“Peeta! You didn’t do anything. What do you remember?”

“Fighting with Gale in the control room. Haymitch came in and told me you were asking for me. That’s it.”

“Think harder. You can’t remember anything you said to me after that?”

“No, I…Katniss--“

“Think, Peeta. Please.” He squeezed his eyes shut and she squeezed his hand.

“Prim brought me in. Said you were eating again. It was good for the baby.” Katniss nodded.

“What else?”

“She…she left and I said something…you told me to come back to you. You accused me of…of raping you…” he broke off, sounding pained but Katniss squeezed his hand.

“Keep going.”

“You said….you said my life would be better if I had never met you and I said I wasn’t sure why I loved you. You said you weren’t either.” His voice was more clear, his face more relaxed, and his hand had stopped shaking in Katniss’s. 

“I asked if you loved me and you told me you did. I apologized for raping you and you said…you said…” his eyes shot open and he stared at her in wonder. “You said I gave you new life. You told me not to apologize…and when we touched…I felt…I can’t explain it, it’s like…I was two different beings. And in that moment, we merged again. Became one.”

“In a way, you did,” she said joyfully. “You’ve never remembered what you said or did in your flashbacks. This time you did. I can help you, Peeta. I can bring you back, slowly get you back to your normal self. It will take time but we can do it together. I won’t leave you.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned in.

“I know you won’t.” He leaned in to kiss her and her arms wrapped around his neck, so he stood up and leaned her back onto the bed, resting over her. Her hands found their way to his hair and he moved his lips over her skin, pausing to suck gently at her throat as she squirmed underneath him. There was a knock at the door and Peeta jerked backwards, his face quite red. President Coin entered the room and her brow raised at Peeta’s mussed hair and Katniss’s heaving chest. 

“How are you feeling, Katniss?”

“Almost completely cured,” she said swinging her legs and wincing when her foot hit the side of the bed.

“Except for her feet,” Peeta mumbled. “Almost a full recovery.”

“And I hear you are doing better as well, is that right Mr. Mellark?”

“Yes ma’am. Almost fully recovered as well.”

“That’s excellent news. I expect to see you in training this afternoon then? And Katniss, I hope you are able to join us soon.”

“Me too.” Coin nodded to them both and took her leave. Peeta grimaced.

“There is no way you will be joining soon.”

“I have to try, Peeta. Right now I’m ok except for my feet. I should be able to do everything the rest of you can.”

“Katniss,” Peeta said, sounding shocked. She looked confused and he placed a hand on her belly. She glanced down then back at him.

“They don’t know yet,” she said quietly.

“Well we need to tell them soon. Before you start to show.”

“We will. We have some time. I just need to figure what to tell everyone.” He looked pained as he took her hands in his.

“The truth?”

“Yes, the truth,” he looked horrified and wound her fingers around his. “That we didn’t know if we would survive another day in the Capitol and decided to give each other everything we had.” 

“Katniss-“

“Don’t Peeta. I love you. That is all that matters, alright?” She pulled his hand to her lips, kissing it, and he nodded.

“Okay.” He glanced down at the sound of her stomach growl and he chuckled.

“Was that you or the baby?”

“Both of us I think. We’re hungry.” 

“Then let me carry my love and my baby to the cafeteria so I can feed you.” He swept her into his arms and she giggled, surprising herself.

“You don’t need to carry us. Prim left a wheelchair right outside the door.” Peeta set her down in the chair and kissed her hand before he gripped the handlebars and pushed her out into the halls of the hospital. She winced when the doors opened and Peeta led her into the sunlight. It seemed like it had been years since she had seen the sun and she stared up at the sky, mesmerized. Peeta smiled and leaned in close.

“Life doesn’t just stop, Katniss. It keeps going whether we realize it or not. It’s up to us to choose to keep living and see the beauty around us. I know there have been some terrible things…but there’s some good things too,” he finished lamely, biting his lip and wondering if he should have said anything. Katniss reached up and gripped his wrist and he stopped. She tugged him around to the front of the chair and he waited, gazing down at her. Her eyes met his and she reached forward and pulled on his shirt, tugging him into her. He was in danger of nearly falling into her lap and he put his hands on the handlebars, on either side of her.

“You still have a way with words,” she muttered before leaning up and kissing him. His knees buckled and he moaned against her lips. When she pulled away, he was left breathless with want. 

“Do we really need breakfast? We could go find an empty room and--“

“Yes Peeta, we need breakfast. You need to eat before training and I need to feed your child.”

“Our child,” he corrected, stroking her cheek. Her eyes bore into his but she gave him a small smile.

“Our child.” He kissed her quickly before resuming his place behind the wheelchair and continued their way to the cafeteria.

 

Finnick, Annie, and Johanna were hungrily digging into their porridge when Johanna’s eyes widened.

“Wow, look at what we have here.” Finnick and Annie whirled around and gasped. Peeta was grinning like an idiot as he wheeled Katniss over to their table. Katniss was becoming aware of the stares she was getting from the people of District 13 and it made her uncomfortable but Peeta didn’t notice. He paused beside the table and easily lifted her up, setting her down next to Finnick. Katniss watched while he pushed the chair away from their table and sat down across from her. He reached down under the table and gently laid her feet in his lap, giving her a small smile at her surprised expression. Annie reached over and squeezed her hand.

“Oh Katniss, it is so good to see you up and about! We were so worried!”

“Thank you Annie,” Katniss said warmly. She hadn’t seen Annie before this but she knew how much Finnick loved her so she trusted his judgement. Finnick squeezed her shoulders.

“It really is good to see you out of that bed, girl on fire. I think Peeta was close to losing his mind.”

“I was not,” Peeta said crossly, helping himself to a muffin. 

“I mean, he’s pretty much lost it already,” Johanna said with a shrug. “But glad to have you back among the living, brainless.” 

“Thanks Johanna,” Katniss said softly, shooting Peeta a look to see his reaction. If this comment bothered him, he wasn’t showing it. Johanna opened her mouth again but her eyes widened and she shut it. Peeta had frozen as well, his eyes narrowed sharply. Katniss, Annie, and Finnick twisted around to see what had caught their attention and they had just enough time to see dark hair swooping out of sight. Katniss turned back to Peeta and frowned, as he gently lowered her feet to the bench they sat on.

“You said you two fought this morning. What was it about this time?”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t like the guy and I’m going to avoid him.”

“Peeta, he’s been my best friend for years. I’d like for you two to at least try to get along.”

“I’m sorry Katniss, I don’t see that happening.” Katniss scowled.

“You’re not even going to try?”

“Hey I have been cordial with him. He’s the one who tries to piss me off any time he sees me. He doesn’t like losing, Katniss. He’s a sore loser.”

“What the hell has he lost?” 

“You mean besides you?” She fixed her glassy eyes on his and shook her head.

“He basically told me if the Games hadn’t happened, you would be with him. You’d be married to him. And I know it’s probably true.”

“Peeta--“

“But the Games did happen, Katniss, and so did everything after them. And you’re not with him, you’re with me. And he hates that. It gets under his skin that a Baker’s boy won the girl. His girl. I just don’t want to talk to him anymore. I’m sorry if that bothers you.”

“It does bother me,” she said shrilly. Annie, Finnick, and Johanna were watching the couple like they were watching a ping-pong match. “I AM with you and not him so why don’t you play the humble boyfriend and give him a chance to get over his wounded pride before you decide you never want to see him again?”

“Because he wants to raise MY baby as his own!” As soon as the words came out, Peeta went whiter than a sheet and his eyes widened in horror. Annie, Finnick, and Johanna were all gazing from Katniss to Peeta, their jaws wide open. Katniss was glaring at Peeta with undeniable fury. Peeta’s hands were flat on the tabletop and started to shake.

“Shit!” He bolted up and away from the table as fast as he could. Johanna let out a low whistle.

“Look at him go.” Katniss lowered her head and fought against the tears that came. Finnick wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she hid her face in his shirt. Annie reached over and rubbed her arm comfortingly. After a minute or two of merely staring at them, Johanna sighed and rose to her feet. She walked around to them and wrapped her arms around Katniss, resting her chin on the mockingjay’s head. Katniss hadn’t even had that much comfort from her own mother in a long time and she allowed the tears to flow. No one gave them a second glance, as if seeing the mockingjay cry was a normal thing to everyone. Katniss supposed it was in a way. They had seen her before Peeta had been rescued and she had nearly lost it many times. Though she attempted to stay strong in public, her tears had betrayed her on more than one occasion. On this occasion, however, she was surrounded by those who had been through similar situations and probably understood her more than anyone else did. The only other person who knew her better had escaped, feeling an ongoing train of emotions that threatened to flatten him and destroy him completely.


	12. Chapter 12

XII. 

Peeta stopped in the hallway, leaning against the wall and doing his best to remain in the moment. He could not let his hijacking take over this time. He needed to stay strong for Katniss, for the baby. He needed to show everyone he could raise this baby and protect them with everything he had. He needed to show Gale, he needed to show Prim, he needed to show Mrs. Everdeen, he needed to show Haymitch, he needed to show Finnick and Johanna and Annie, he needed to show President Coin. He needed to show himself that he could do this. He fought against the anger and emotions and images that tried to invade his mind and he dug his fingernails into his palms. When that did not work, he reached up and clawed his own face. The pain seemed to strike him and freeze him in time. He stood there for a moment, panting, and pressed his head against the wall. People passing gave him odd looks but he ignored them. He focused on the pain and it kept him present. It kept him sane. 

 

Katniss wasn’t sure how long she cried for but she was grateful that they weren’t asking questions. All three of them could sense she needed to get it out and somehow, they understood. The Games changed you completely and they could see they had changed Katniss. Even Peeta, one of the kindest people they had ever met in the Hunger Games, had been altered by the Capitol. She finally sat up and wiped at her face, sniffling. 

“Finally,” she heard Johanna say, “I’m getting a cramp in my neck.” But the victor gently squeezed Katniss’s shoulder before she sat back down across from her, grinning at her. Katniss couldn’t help but return the smile.

“Thank you…all of you,” she said weakly.

“So…bread boy finally made a move?” Finnick and Annie gave Johanna a patronizing stare but Katniss chuckled half-heartedly.

“I guess you could say that. The night before our rescue in the Capitol, after he came back to me…we just wanted to spend whatever time we had left, together. I wanted to give him everything I had, since I didn’t think I would survive the night. I never expected this to happen.”

“That’s usually when these things happen, brainless.”   
Finnick squeezed her hand.

‘We’ll help you. You know we will.” 

“I know,” Katniss said softly. “I just…didn’t want you to find out this way. I was figuring out a way to tell you.”

“Well, he made that decision for you. Who else knows?” 

“Prim and Haymitch,” she said softly. Finnick nodded and raised his brow.

“And Gale?”

“Yes. He came to me the other day and asked me to let him raise it as his own. He doesn’t think Peeta is stable enough.” 

“I would have kicked his ass back to 12,” Finnick growled. Katniss looked surprised and Annie reached over and stroked Finnick’s arm and he relaxed slightly. 

“You’re taking Peeta’s side?”

“Sorry Katniss but yeah I am. Gale has no right to ask that. It’s Peeta’s child, Peeta should be the only father it knows. I understand Gale’s concern but I believe Peeta will make a terrific father. Just as you will make a terrific mother.” 

“You’ll both be wonderful parents,” Annie said sweetly. Katniss smiled.

“As will you two.” Annie and Finnick exchanged a look so loving that Katniss almost felt like she was invading on something precious and personal. Johanna rolled her eyes.

“Meanwhile, I’ll be the fuck up who’s too unstable to have children.”

“Jo-“

“Oh you know it’s true Finnick. What a mother I would make.” She snorted at the thought. “But you and Katniss are right. You four will make the best parents ever. I can’t wait to be Aunty Johanna to little Odairs and Mellarks.” Then, without warning, the table exploded into laughter that shook the room. Everyone looked over, with curious expressions, but they went back to their breakfast. The four victors laughed together, becoming lost in their joy and their confusion and sadness and their insanity. It became something only they could understand. Because it was true. The Games change you. The Games haunt you. But if you were lucky enough to survive, there were others who survived before and after you, who understand exactly what you are going through. 

 

When they finished breakfast, Katniss was uncertain if Peeta was coming back. She assumed not so she pulled the chair closer and tried to scoot into it. Finnick rolled his eyes, stood up, and picked her up easily. When he set her into the chair he leaned in close to stare into her eyes.

“You don’t have to do everything alone anymore. You have a family that will help you.”

“I’m not so good with friends. Or family,” she said quietly. “And I’m using to doing things on my own. You can’t let yourself get attached to anyone in the Games. You’ll just lose them.”

“Believe me, I know how you feel,” Annie said, taking her hand and squeezing it. “But the best part of surviving is finding people who know exactly how you feel. And if   
you’re lucky, a bond is forged between you all. Just look at Johanna. I have never known her to be such a sap.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Johanna snapped, finishing Katniss’s muffin. 

“Do you want me to take you back to the hospital before we go to training?” 

“Actually I think I’ll wheel myself around a bit. If I need any help, I’ll call Prim.” Finnick nodded and helped Annie to her feet.

“We’re still with you, mockingjay. Always.” Startled at his words, Katniss looked up at Finnick but he was giving Annie a sweet kiss and Katniss relaxed in her chair. She waved as she rolled away, her dark braid swinging as she pushed herself, her muscles already straining. She rolled into the hallway and nearly flattened Gale. His face relaxed when he looked down at her.

“Hey Catnip.”

“Soldier Hawthorne,” she nodded, a bit stiffly. Gale looked pained.

“Can we go somewhere and talk Katniss? Somewhere where your ex-fiance can’t beat me up?”

“He’s run off somewhere, having a flashback. I was about to go tour the grounds if you’d like to join me?” Gale smiled and was about to place his hands on the handlebars but she shook her head.

“Walk beside me. I’d like to push myself.” Gale nodded, realizing she was still the girl he knew from all those years ago. Fiercely independent, brave and bold, a beautiful fury to her. Like fire. He had laughed when she had been given that name in the first Games. The girl on fire. That’s how he had always thought of her. They left the hospital, just as Peeta was re-entering the cafeteria. He caught sight of Finnick, Annie, and Johanna leaving but saw no sign of Katniss. Damn it. Her first day out of the hospital and he had to make it miserable for her. He trudged over to them, his hands shoved into his pockets. Finnick’s brow raised and Annie crossed her arms. 

“Made quite a scene this morning, Mellark.”

“I know, I just…where did she go?” 

“She wanted to push herself around the district. I’m sure she’s sick of being locked up in that tiny room. Are you ok?” Finnick eyed him warily and Peeta nodded.

“I’m fine. The pain helps me focus.” 

“You sound like me, bread boy. Completely insane.” Peeta grinned at Johanna.

“Well, guess anyone who makes it out of the Arena is, Jo.” Finnick draped a protective arm around Annie and Peeta bit his lip. 

“We have to get going. Are you coming to training?”

“Yeah, President Coin says she hopes to see me there,” Peeta said, rolling his eyes. “Might as well have given me an order. It’s less condescending.” 

“I’m sure Katniss will join us for dinner. Just apologize to her. Make sure she knows how sorry you are for blowing the big secret.” Peeta’s head snapped up.

“So she told you?”

“Well yeah. After your slip-up, she didn’t have much of a choice. We’ll help you both, Peeta. You won’t have to do this alone.” Peeta ran his fingers through his hair. Had she told them the truth? She promised she wouldn’t. His fingers grasped Finnick’s arm and Finnick paused.

“What did she tell you, Finnick?”

“That you’re having a baby together,” Finnick said slowly. Peeta shook his head impatiently.

“I mean, did she tell you how?”

“Um, Peeta…I know how babies are conceived.”

“No! I mean…ugh, nevermind.” Finnick clapped Peeta on the shoulder and smiled.

“She said she wanted to give you everything she had before she died. Neither of you knew if you would survive in the Capitol. And I completely understand why you did it, Peeta. Your secret is safe with me. Until she’s ready to tell everyone, our lips are sealed.” He gave him another smile before he tugged Annie off out of the cafeteria. Peeta ran his fingers through his hair again and sighed. He needed a haircut. His blonde locks were starting to curl up and tickle his ears. He glanced at the schedule on his arm and bit his lip. He supposed he should get going if he wanted to make it on time to training. He would find Katniss afterwards, he decided. 

 

“You know I just want what’s best for you, Catnip,” Gale said patiently. Katniss stared out over the training field and nodded.

“You always have. But you don’t want to accept that might not be you.”

“Listen, I’d be fine if it wasn’t me. But I don’t think it’s Mellark. After what he did to you…how can you be sure he won’t get like that again, Katniss? I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“The Capitol tried to change him, Gale. They tried to kill his love for me. They failed. Peeta has fought like hell to stay with me and even though he has his dark moments, I know he still loves me. And I know everything isn’t sunshine and rainbows but when I’m with him, things seem a little better. I can’t help but think of our child and how I hope she looks like him.” Gale looked slightly pained and Katniss’s face softened.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, touching his hand. He jumped but did not jerk back

“It’s just strange to hear you talk like this. The girl I knew never wanted children, remember?”

“Well…people change. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’m completely fine with everything that has happened. You know I’m not. But I have to try to put everything in a more positive light so I don’t completely fall apart. I don’t want to go back to hiding in closets and crying all night long. I’m determined to kill Snow. I want to make the world safer before I bring her into it.” Gale couldn’t help but smile.

“Her?” She shrugged.

“Every time I imagine the baby I can see a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. She’ll look sweet and gentle, just like him.”

“She has to have some of you too. What if she has blonde hair and your stormy eyes?”

“But I love Peeta’s eyes. They captured me so many years ago.” She glanced up at him and softly told him about the bread. His eyes widened as she revealed at how Peeta had saved her life when they were young and Katniss saw that finally, a part of Gale understood how the boy with the bread had always been the one for the girl on fire. When she finished her story, Gale knelt down and kissed her hand.

“All three of you have my protection, should you ever need it.” Katniss brought his hand down to her belly and held it there for a moment. His eyes sparkled as they stared down at her stomach, then into her eyes. 

“I’m happy for you, Catnip.” He leaned forward, his hand still on her stomach, and kissed her cheek. She smiled at him as he drew away, never breaking their gaze.

“Peeta! Come on man, we are going to be late!” Peeta didn’t move. He was staring across the field at the figure in the wheelchair and the man who kissed her. His heart was pounding, he didn’t know if he would rather scream and punch a wall or cry and disappear into a hole forever. What was she doing with him? And WHY was she letting him kiss her?! He wanted to storm across there and demand an explanation but he forced himself to remain where he was. He watched Gale rise up and start walking toward the training facility and Peeta shuffled out of sight, his heart still racing.  
He couldn’t concentrate on what the soldiers were saying. There were several younger soldiers in their group, who handled the weapons very well. One of them was from the Seam and had grey eyes like Katniss. And Gale. Peeta shook himself, trying not to look at him. Gale was putting his gun together and studying the parts closely. 

“Alright everyone, I want you to partner up! See how fast you can put together and take apart your weapons. Then I want you to practice loading and unloading the guns. Don’t point them at each other, we still want everyone to be safe. Soldier Odair, you’ll be with Soldier Leeg. Soldier Hawthorne, you’re with Soldier Mellark.” It was hard to tell who was unhappier with this pairing. Peeta grabbed his gun and stormed off away from the group, Gale right behind him. They chose a spot several feet away and dropped their weapons to the ground, waiting for further instructions. When the trainer told them to go ahead and start assembling, the boys dropped to their knees and quickly put them together without a word to each other. They went on, assembling and disassembling for several minutes until the trainer announced she wanted them to load the cartridge with blanks and fire at the targets. The targets were set up all around the field and Peeta took his anger out on the several of them, firing at the heart. Gale moved away from Peeta and fired and it angered Peeta to see how good Gale was. Gale looked over and chuckled to himself.

“You’re seeing my face pretty clearly on that thing aren’t you?” Peeta didn’t turn around.

“How did you know?”

“Because you haven’t spoken a word to me since we started training.”

“What the hell do you want me to say to you? You seem determined to take Katniss away from me. I’m supplementing my rage on these targets so I don’t kill someone that Katniss loves.” Gale’s brow went high into his hair.

“You have good aim, Mellark, but you couldn’t kill me with blanks.” 

“Care to test that theory?” Gale turned and froze. Peeta was pointing his gun directly at Gale’s heart and the look on his face was more than deadly.


	13. Chapter 13

XIII.

“Peeta,” Gale said slowly. Peeta frowned and lowered the gun.

“I’m not stupid enough to do it. Katniss would hate me forever. And I’m no murderer.”

“You aren’t?”

“The Games were different,” Peeta said dismissively, dropping the weapon to the ground. “Everyone kills when the time comes. I never wanted to kill. I never wanted blood on my hands.” Peeta wiped his hands on his pants frantically to emphasize his point. 

“I know it wasn’t your fault, Peeta. But I will never be able to forget what you did. Or forgive. I saw the tape and the look in your eyes…the look in her eyes…”

“I know,” Peeta said, sounding pained. “I watched it too, Gale. You think I don’t know what I did? You think I don’t hear her screams when I close my eyes? You think I don’t feel guilty every single moment of every day?”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do,” Peeta spat. “I love that girl more than life itself! And finding out that I did that to her…that I hurt the woman I love…I will never forgive myself.” 

“Then why do you stay around? You know as well as I do that I could raise that baby better than you can. Go get some help. When you’re better, come back and find her again.” 

“And let my child call you Father? What do I do when I come home and my child has no idea who I am? Katniss has forgotten all about me, because she has you coming home to her at night. She smiles at YOU and kisses YOU! And I’m just the fuck-up who has nowhere to go, no family, and no one who loves me!” Peeta couldn’t take it. His own words were causing him pain and rage and he leaped at Gale, grabbing him round the middle and taking him down. Gale had a moment to defend himself and he blocked his face from Peeta’s punches. Peeta tried to gain an upper hand by straddling Gale but Gale knocked him aside, kicking his feet out from under him and causing him to land flat on his back. His prosthetic weighed him down and he grimaced as Gale appeared over him. He waited for Gale’s punches but they did not come. Gale reached down and gripped Peeta’s shoulders.

“She would never forget you because she loves you. That child is going to look just like you and every day I would see your eyes staring back at me. I’m just asking you to get some help before the baby comes. Haymitch can find you a doctor here in 13. I couldn’t stand to see Katniss hurt by the man she loves.” Peeta stared up at him, wide-eyed until Gale moved aside and held out his hand. Peeta grasped it and Gale pulled him to his feet. Finnick and the others were running over to them, looking wary. 

“Everything ok over here?”

‘We’re fine,” Gale answered, brushing himself off. The trainer’s mouth thinned.

“I know I didn’t see you two fighting because I would have to report that.”

“So you’re right, you didn’t see us fighting,” Gale said with a shrug.

“We were practicing the hand to hand combat we learned in last class,” Peeta jumped in. Finnick’s brow raised but the trainer nodded and turned away. She announced the next step in training and told them to clean up the weapons and get ready for the laps. Finnick jogged alongside Peeta as they made their way to the track.

“What was that about?”

“I think we had some sort of understanding,” he said in a low voice. 

“When did that happen?”

“You got me,” he shrugged. “I don’t know for sure but I think he just…surrendered Katniss. Ok that sounds wrong but I think he realizes how much we love each other. Maybe. I could be completely wrong.”

“I hope you’re not wrong. I don’t think you are. Don’t forget Gale spent a lot of time with Katniss while you were in the Capitol.” Peeta tensed up.

“And?”

“I didn’t mean it like that Peeta. I just mean…he could see how desolate she was without you. He could hear the desperation in her voice, he knew, without her telling him, how much you meant to her. I think that’s why he volunteered for your rescue mission.” Peeta snorted at this.

“Don’t pretend like he did that for me. He definitely did that for Katniss.”

“The rescue mission was planned days before Katniss disappeared. Gale had gone to Coin and told her we had to get you out of there. Katniss would have broken down completely if we hadn’t.” Peeta paused to consider this. He wished he could tell Finnick the truth about how Katniss wound up pregnant but he didn’t think he could handle the look of disbelief and disgust in his friend’s eyes. They stopped talking at the track and Peeta was soon nearly bent over with no breath left. Finnick clapped him on the shoulder and urged him to keep going. His treatment in the Capitol had definitely altered his stamina and his muscles. He had been starved, beaten, and tortured and it was remarkable how far he had come already. Still, it was proving more and more difficult to keep up with the rest of the class and he was becoming discouraged when he discovered many of them were several years younger than he was. By the third lap, he nearly passed out. The trainer shook her head.

“Soldier Mellark, go take a break and rest up. You can finish the laps tomorrow.”

“But--“

“No buts. I won’t have you passing out. Finish up tomorrow.” Finnick cast him an apologetic glance as Peeta gathered up his things and headed back to his room in the hospital. How humiliating! He remembered being in the Games and forcing himself to go on. He wondered if he could just tell himself he was in another Games. But then again, he didn’t really want to think that way. Not that they were free to do whatever they wanted but at least District 13 wasn’t the Capitol and it wasn’t a prison. Peeta was ready to get out of the hospital and into a compartment in the bunkers. He wondered if he should speak to President Coin about it tonight. He slung the bag and the gun over his shoulder and stalked across the lawn. 

Heading back into the hospital, Peeta immediately saw several doctors in white coats surrounding Katniss’s room. Frowning, he dropped the bags to the floor and ran to see what was going on. Several of them were entering the room while the others waited outside. Peeta tried to enter but was held back. 

“Wait a moment. He’s her fiancé. Let him pass.” Peeta didn’t bother to correct them and shoved his way through.   
Katniss was standing--standing! Beside her bed. She took one very unsteady step and cried out in pain. One of the doctors moved to help her but she held up her hand and he stopped in his tracks. She bit her lip and took another step. Tears filled her eyes as she took two more steps and her knees buckled. Peeta was the one to catch her in his arms before she hit the floor.

“Peeta,” she blinked back tears. “What are you doing here?”

“I saw all the activity and was worried. What are you doing?”

“Testing out District 13’s medical wonders,” she said, a slightly bitter tone. Peeta looked up at the doctors for an explanation, a frown marring his handsome features.

“We’re trying new medicine for her feet. President Coin wants the mockingjay to be seen walking around, looking healthy and fit and ready for battle. We need her to try to walk again. The burns are serious but not permanent. They could have been a lot worse.” Peeta winced, trying not to think of how they could be worse. He had seen them with his own eyes. He was thankful that his hijacked brain was keeping that particular memory under wraps. He didn’t want to remember that. He didn’t want to remember a lot of things about his time in the Capitol. 

“Her name is Katniss and she’s not JUST the mockingjay,” came Prim’s furious voice. “She’s a girl from District 12 who has been badly injured. She needs time to heal.” 

“For most people, we could provide that time. Unfortunately in this case, we don’t have it. We need to show everyone that she is alive and well. The wedding will be a perfect time to do that.” Peeta’s jaw dropped.

“Wedding?” Katniss looked like she was about to argue but the doctor held up his hand.

“Finnick and Annie’s wedding is in a few days and Plutarch Heavensbee has asked to shoot a propo that shows you both dancing together. It shows everyone that you are both alive and happy together, that you are still fighting for everything that you hold dear.” For some reason this irked Peeta quite a lot.

“You want us to pretend that everything is just fine?” 

“We want you to pretend to be happy. A wedding is a time for joy. Put on fake smiles and show the Capitol they didn’t beat you.”

“They won’t be fake smiles,” Katniss said quietly. “We are genuinely happy for them.” 

“Good. The wedding is in six days. Katniss, I want you to try walking around your room twice a day. When possible, don’t use the chair. We need to get you strong again and you are known for pushing through difficult situations.” Katniss swallowed and Peeta draped a protective arm around her. The doctors all nodded and cleared out of the room. Katniss leaned against Peeta and as soon as the doors closed, she collapsed in his arms. Prim rushed forward, her mouth thin.

“I knew this wasn’t a good idea. They’re rushing you. There’s no way you can walk on those feet.”

“I have to try, Prim. I’m still the mockingjay. And I want to show the Capitol they didn’t break me. I’m still here. I’m still fighting. We all are.” Peeta’s hand slipped into hers and squeezed. She took a deep breath and tossed the hair out of her face.

“Ok, Peeta, help me up?” He gently pushed her to her feet and she grimaced as she took a step. Her arms were unsteady as they reached out in front of her and she took a few more steps across the floor, toward her bed. Peeta and Prim stayed close by, their eyes narrowed on her. When it looked like she was going to fall, Peeta was right beside her but he kept his distance. He knew she was still the independent, brave girl he had fallen in love with. Suddenly, the doctor’s words hit him and he gasped.

“Six days! Did he say six days?!” Prim and Katniss nodded and Peeta’s hands went to his hair.

“There’s no way I can make a decent cake in six days! I have to get started right away!” 

“Peeta, it’s six days! I’m sure you’ll do a beautiful job.”

“Not in six days!” he exclaimed. “Let’s see, if I start now, I can get all the ingredients mixed together, get it cooling, and go ahead and mix up the frosting. Ah, but I haven’t even designed the cake! And what will I do about the layers? Then there’s the matter of the fondant, should I use fondant or just whip the frosting…” Katniss and Prim watched as the baker mumbled away, and they couldn’t help but giggle. Peeta looked up, frowning, finally realizing they were laughing at him.

“What’s so funny?” 

“Are you always like this when it comes to baking?” Peeta’s face hardened.

“Try living with my mother. Everything had to be done perfectly and on time. If it wasn’t, it meant no dinner and maybe a bruise to accompany the empty stomach.” Katniss’s smile faded and she felt a rushing hatred for the witch who raised this wonderful boy. Then she remembered the witch and the rest of Peeta’s family were dead and she was all Peeta had left. She held out her hand while she steadied herself against the wall.

“Come here,” she said softly. Peeta went to her and she buried herself in his arms, wrapping him in her protective embrace. He sighed as he rested his head on top of her hair and he inhaled the scent of forest and pine. It reminded him of home and he felt a sharp pang in his heart. She looked up at him and stroked his cheek.

“You are wonderful at nearly everything you do, so I am sure this cake will take Finnick’s and Annie’s breaths away.” He smiled down at her and brought his lips to hers.

“What did I do to deserve you?” 

“A lot,” she whispered against his lips. Prim averted her eyes while they continued to kiss. Katniss’s hand came up and gently pressed against his chest.

“Go. Design an amazing cake and I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Are you sure? You don’t want me to stay and help?”

“Prim is here and you have work to do. I’ll be fine.” He ran his knuckles along her cheek before he kissed her again and made his way to the door. He paused, his hand on the wall as he turned back to the girls.

“One day…I hope I’ll be able to design a very special wedding cake.”

“Why? What would make it so special?”

“Because you and I would be slicing it together.”

Katniss’s eyes widened but he didn’t wait for a response as he shot her a smile and exited the room. Prim cleared her throat and held out a hand toward her. 

“The Baker’s son has got it bad for you, Katniss.” Katniss nodded, her eyes on the door.

“If only I had known that years ago.” 

“Why? What difference would it have made? You aren’t the same girl as you were then. I think the terror of the Games has opened you up to love, Katniss. You finally see that you are worthy of love.” Katniss winced as she took a step toward the bed, wanting more than anything to delve under the covers and sleep this pain off.

“I’ll never deserve him, Prim. Never.”

“I don’t buy it. You’re afraid to let someone love you. You’ve always been afraid to let him love you. Stop running from it, Katniss. Peeta will not stop chasing you. He’s been in love with you since you were kids!” 

“I’m not running, Prim. Or if I’m running, it’s into his arms. I just…hope he stays with me. I can’t bear it if he gets violent again. I can’t bear the hatred in his eyes.”

“Then think about the love in those eyes. Cause that’s what I see whenever he’s near you. Your faces light up when you’re together, your hearts beat in unison. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.” Katniss smiled as she rested against the wall.

“I love you, little duck. You’ll find your own true love someday.” 

“I love you too. Are you ready to try some more or you had enough?” Katniss’s feet were throbbing but she thought about the wedding and the chance to show Snow and those bastards at the Capitol that she and Peeta were healing, together, and would be coming for them soon. She gritted her teeth and stood again. 

“I’ll need an extra shot of morphling tonight but let’s give it another go.” 

 

Katniss was in terrible pain by the time dinner rolled around and Prim convinced her to eat dinner in her room. She agreed, as long as Prim would stay with her and so the sisters ate their meals in silence. Katniss wished she could giggle and gossip like other girls but they had never had much to giggle and gossip about. Katniss was not one of those Capitol girls. It was a completely different life, she knew. She did hope, however, that when Snow was defeated, Panem could be a free place and maybe even a little bit of fun with less uncertainty and despair. 

“I forgot I told Peeta I would meet him at dinner,” she exclaimed with wide eyes. “Oh Prim, could you go to the cafeteria and let him know I’m not feeling well? I don’t want him to think I’ve stood him up.” Prim squeezed her sister’s hand as she collected the trays.

“I’ll let him know. Katniss, have you told anyone else about the baby?” Katniss bit her lip.

“Finnick and Annie and Johanna know.”

“But not Mom?” Katniss shook her head and Prim bit her lip.

“Katniss, you need to tell her. Soon. And you know the others are going to have to know about it.”

“Plutarch will broadcast it with fireworks! I can’t tell them, Prim. Not until we beat Snow. It will be even more celebration when we win this war.”

“But Katniss, what if something happens to you? What then?”

“Then no one needs to know there was a baby,” she said solemnly. Prim’s eyes widened. Peeta would flip if he heard her talking this way. She shook her head and made her way to the door.

“You need to tell them, Katniss. Our mother, at least, needs to know she will be a grandmother.” And then she was gone. Her sister was stubborn and hard-headed most of the time, much like Gale. She was glad Katniss had chosen Peeta over Gale. Gale had too much temper, too much fire and Katniss already had enough of that. Peeta was sweeter and more gentle and she knew he loved her fiercely. She knew he would protect her sister and lay down his life for her. She sincerely hoped with all her heart that they could have a happily ever after. Katniss had been the reason she had survived, especially after her mother had checked out. After she volunteered as tribute in the first Hunger Games, Prim saw the responsibility and the burdens that weighed Katniss down. She felt that Peeta in his own way helped her with some of those burdens and took them upon himself. Others may disagree but Prim felt that Katniss would make a fantastic mother.

When Prim entered the cafeteria, she put her trays and dishes up and sought out the victors’ table. Spotting it, she noticed someone was missing and she hurried over. Annie smiled up at her.

“Hello Prim, how are you doing?”

“I’m wonderful, Annie, I hope you’re all doing well. Where is Peeta?” Annie’s face fell and glanced at Finnick, who looked livid. 

“He’s, er, being kept in his room. President Coin thinks he may still be unstable and is insisting on round the clock guards.”

“What? Why? What happened?”

“Nothing happened, he was doing just fine,” Finnick spat. Johanna shook her head.

“Bread Boy is as crazy as the rest of us are. But we didn’t try to hurt someone. Coin demanded to see the tapes.” Prim’s eyes were wide and glassy.

“No,” she whispered. Without another word, she ran all the way to the control center and burst in on Haymitch and Beetee. 

“Tell me you destroyed it,” she said breathlessly, fighting the tears. Haymitch jumped up, looking concerned.

“Easy kid, what’s going on?”

“Finnick said that President Coin saw the tapes. Please tell me you destroyed one of them.” Haymtch glanced sideways at Beetee and back at Prim. Prim nearly fell to her knees.

“Haymitch, if they find out…if they know what happened…they will never let him near her again! And she won’t be able to handle that! And he’ll go crazy! They can’t survive without each other! They just can’t.” Haymitch gripped her shoulders and shook her gently.

“All Coin knows is that he was hijacked and tortured. Which is why she wants guards for him, in case he snaps. She is still allowing him to train but she noticed from the tapes that it gets worse at night.” His eyes bore into Prim’s and she saw the truth and loyalty swimming in his tears. She nodded and rested her hand on his.

“Thank you,” she mouthed. 

“Um, how is Katniss feeling?”

“She’s alright except for her feet. But they want her to start walking so that she can be dancing at Finnick’s and Annie’s wedding.” 

“Well she is the mockingjay. People want to see her healthy and happy. It gives them hope.” 

“I’d better get back to her. I’m sure she will need some morphling to sleep.” 

“That morphling won’t hurt…um, won’t do any lasting damage will it?” Haymitch caught himself as he glanced quickly at Beetee. Prim shook her head.

“It’s a low dosage and I studied it carefully to make sure it has no side effects.” Haymitch nodded and with a smile, Prim excused herself. She made her way back to Katniss’s bedroom, pausing by Peeta’s room and frowning at the two guards who stood outside. She shook her head in disgust and continued on.  
Katniss was nearly asleep when Prim entered and Prim looked apologetic.

“I should have just let you sleep.”

“No, it’s fine, I would have woken up in an hour anyway. I can’t sleep properly in this place. I’d rather be back on the Victory Train than in here.”

“Only because of who was with you, not because of where you were,” Prim said wisely. Katniss shrugged and leaned back into the pillows.

“What did he say when you told him I wasn’t coming?” Prim looked at her sister and her heart dropped. Katniss would be furious to hear about the guards. She might even storm into the hallway and demand the guards to let her pass. 

“He understood. He says he loves you and he will see you in the morning.” Katniss looked relieved and Prim felt guilt and relief twisting at her. She had never lied to her sister but she didn’t want to upset her anymore. She wasn’t just thinking of Katniss anymore. There was another who was depending on Katniss to be calm and relaxed. And even though she had never known her sister to be calm or relaxed, she would do everything she could to make sure it happened now. Prim decided that from here on out, her first and foremost priority was her soon-to-be niece or nephew.


	14. Chapter 14

XIIII. 

Two days went by and not a lot had happened. Peeta was still under guard but he was allowed the use of the kitchen to work on the wedding cake. Prim and Finnick simply told Katniss that he was extremely busy with the cake and he would come see her as soon as he could. They both felt bad about lying to her but they had mutually agreed that anything that upset Katniss would upset the baby. So Katniss continued to practice walking again, wincing as she made her way around the room.   
Their mother had mixed up a healing salve, much like what she had used in District 12, and she generously spread it over Katniss’s sore feet. Immediately she felt a cooling sensation and she sighed.

“That feels so much better. Thank you.” Her mother smiled up at her and nodded, while she wrapped up her feet again. She rose and gently stroked her daughter’s cheek. 

“You are looking so much better, Katniss. I’m glad you are back with us.” Katniss wasn’t sure if she meant back from the Games or back from the Capitol or back physically or back in her mind but she appreciated it and nodded. Her mother left and Prim gave her a hard look.

“You need to tell her, Katniss.”

“I know, Prim. I will, ok? I just…can’t right now.” Prim sighed and Katniss stepped off the bed and felt the pain was lessened by the salve. 

Three days before the wedding, Katniss wheeled herself to the cafeteria to have breakfast with everyone. Johanna was sitting next to Gale, and Annie and Finnick were arm in arm, while Annie rested her head on his shoulder. 

“Hey Catnip, you’re looking good,” Gale was the first to notice her.

“You’re a bad liar, Gale. But thank you. Got room for one more?”

“Come sit by me, brainless.” Johanna patted the seat next to her and Katniss stood and plopped down beside her. Finnick smiled.

“I see you’ve been practicing.”

“We’re shooting a propo at your wedding and I want Snow to see my smug smile while I dance with Peeta.” Finnick’s smile faded slightly and Katniss shook her head.

“I want him to see how happy you two are. How whole Annie is. I want him to know that he didn’t beat any of us. We’re still fighting.” Finnick gave her a warm smile.

“Because you guys are the strongest people I know. The Rebels are going to win this thing, for sure.” 

“I know. But first, we all get to watch you and Annie dance together as husband and wife! You’re going to make such a beautiful bride, Annie.”

“Thank you Katniss. I hope I feel beautiful in my rags,” she glanced down and indicated what she was wearing. Katniss mouthed uncertainly.

“You mean you don’t have…don’t you have anything special to wear?” Both Annie and Finnick shook their heads. Katniss snapped her fingers and sat up straighter.

“You’ll come with me to my house in Victors Village! I have dresses that Cinna left for me,” speaking about Cinna made her throat close up for a moment but she shook herself. Annie’s eyes were wide.

“Oh Katniss, you don’t have to do that.”

“Yes I do,” she said firmly. “I’ll ask my prep team to come along. God knows I’m not the one to be making fashion decisions. We could ask Peeta if we can stop by his place and pick up some of his suits too.” 

“I think that’s a great idea,” Gale said with a nod.

“Katniss, you are just the best. Thank you,” Annie said with a squeeze of her hand. Katniss smiled her first genuine smile in a long time, as she squeezed back.

When Katniss went back to her room to get dressed and call for her prep team, Finnick made his way to Peeta’s room. He frowned as he approached and the guards   
seemed testy.

“I need to speak to him please.” They glanced at each other, frowning, before they both moved aside. Finnick opened the door and the first thing he saw were the large restraints on the bed. His eyes widened and he jumped when a movement caught his eye. 

“Finnick! This is a nice surprise, what are you doing here?”

“Peeta, are you alright?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Peeta said without looking at him, as he gathered his sketches. “Just working on your cake. I’m glad you stopped by. I have a few designs to run by you. Most of it is done, this is just the icing on the cake,” he chuckled at his own joke and Finnick was surprised. He was acting more normal and cheerful than he had seen him in ages. Perhaps baking really was therapy for Peeta. He glanced at the sketches and gasped.

“My god, Peeta. These are beautiful.”

“Oh just wait til you see them on a cake! It’ll be even better,” he grinned. 

“Peeta, I have a favor to ask you. Katniss is taking Annie back to her house to try on dresses for the wedding. Could I borrow one of your suits? Katniss volunteered to bring one back if you agreed.”

“Of course, Finnick! Someone should wear them.”

“Well, I’m sure you can wear when let you out of this damn room.” Peeta nodded sadly.

“Round the clock guard kind of sucks, I’ll admit.”

“They’re not…restraining you, are they?”

“Sometimes,” Peeta confessed. “Sometimes I start to have a flashback and I fight it. It’s like I become two people fighting with myself. They tie me down to “protect me”,” Finnick noticed how bitter he sounded. “But I’m almost always better in the morning. I think I’m so bad at night because I don’t have Katniss in my arms anymore. I used to get horrible nightmares in the training facility and on the train and that’s when I started to hold her while we slept. It kept the nightmares away for both of us.”

“Prim says she still screams in her sleep. You two need to get better so you can move into a bunker together.” Peeta winced.

“I don’t see that happening, Finnick. I don’t know if they’ll ever let me out.”

“They will. If anything Katniss will demand for you to be free when she gets better. And she’s walking more and more. At first we thought they were rushing things but   
she’s so much better, Peeta. She’s looking great.” Peeta smiled.

“She’s strong, my girl on fire. She can beat anything.” 

“As long as she knows she has you beside her, or at least near her, yes, she can defeat anything.” Peeta frowned slightly.

“She can do it without me.”

“She can’t though. She needs you, Peeta. She loves you. You can’t survive without each other. I discovered that when you were first captured. The way she fell apart. Just don’t ever leave her.”

“You know that’s not possible for me.” 

“I know. Listen, I need to go find Katniss before she leaves. I’ll see you soon, alright? Maybe you can join us for dinner tonight.”

“I’m going to start decorating the cake but if I get enough done, I’ll see if my jailers will let me come play.” Finnick grinned.

“Take care, Peeta.” 

As he started to take his leave, he glanced over his shoulder to see the young victor rifling through his sketches, his tongue sticking out slightly to the side and his face screwed up in concentration. Finnick smiled and left the baker to his work. 

 

When he reentered the cafeteria, he stopped in his tracks. Johanna and Gale were sitting at a longer table with many other people, while they worked away at what looked to be decorations. Johanna was instructing them on how to wind the leaves together to form a pretty garland and many of the children from District 12 giggled as they helped. Katniss limped over to Finnick, holding crutches under her arms.

“All for you, Odair,” she said with a smile. Finnick’s jaw was hanging wide open and he looked around for his bride-to-be.

“Annie’s getting ready to leave, but don’t worry, we’ll pick out something that will make her sparkle.”

“You’re a great friend, Katniss,” he said in a weak whisper. Katniss smiled as Finnick gently kissed her cheek and moved on to the tables to help. Katniss watched the people of Districts 12 and 13 work together. It was hard to say when she had last seen them this happy or relaxed. Her people, at least, had always worked from a young age and it was rare to see a child without tears in their eyes. As they worked on the decorations, they chatted happily about the wedding. Katniss sighed contentedly. Perhaps it was because it had been ages since they had anything to actually celebrate and everyone longed to be a part of it, to feel the happiness spreading from person to person. She felt someone touch her arm and she turned to see her prep team.

“We’re ready when you are,” Octavia said softly, giving her a warm smile. Katniss followed them out and joined Annie outside, where they all boarded the hovercraft together.

When they reached Victors Village, Katniss kept her eyes straight ahead. She didn’t want to look down the path and see the rubble of what had once been her home. The bones of her neighbors. The devastation of her district. She lead them inside her house and went to a storage closet downstairs. It had not been opened since the last time she had been in her house and everyone gasped when they turned the knob. Cinna’s very presence flowed from the dresses. Octavia dropped to her knees and fingered one of the skirts, bringing it close to her cheek.

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen anything pretty,” she said, choking back a sob. Katniss set her hand on the woman’s shoulder and she turned to Annie.

“Well, what would you like to wear to your wedding?”

“You mean it?” Her eyes were wide and glassy and she didn’t fight the tears that fell.

“You choose whatever you want. This is your day. We are celebrating you and yours and Finnick’s love.” As Annie examined the dresses closely, listening to suggestions from Octavia, Flavius, and Venia, Katniss watched Annie and thought back to the Quarter Quell, when she and Finnick had been haunted by the cries of the jabberjays. Finnick had heard Annie’s pained screams and it had driven him to be a sobbing mess. She was so happy for the both of them, happy that she could witness this joyful moment for her friends, and even slightly jealous of their love. She dared to hope for a happy ending with Peeta. She knew they had far to go. Snow was still alive and still a threat and not all of the Districts had fallen to the Rebels. But Katniss shook herself, determined to focus on the wedding and her happiness for Finnick and Annie.

Annie tried on several dresses and finally decided on a green silk one that matched her eyes. Katniss insisted that the other dresses were too long and extravagant but Venia pulled out a shorter red gown that she had worn on the Victory Tour and Annie insisted she wear that. When they finished storing away the rest of the dresses, they made their way across the way to Peeta’s house and Katniss was immediately greeted by the smell of bread. After all this time, it still smelled like him. Cinnamon and a hint of dill and her eyes fell upon the sink. Three dishes were in the dryer. A plate, a fork, and a cup. Katniss’s heart ached for her boy with the bread, for the loneliness he must have endured when he was here. She decided from now on, he would never have to worry about being alone again. If she did not make it through the war, she would find a way to make sure the baby did and therefore leave Peeta with a tiny piece of her for him to hold onto. 

Katniss felt strange going into Peeta’s room and yet she felt like she should be the only one to go in there. It felt intimate, personal. Everything was neat and orderly, like Peeta, and the bed looked crisp and un-slept in. Katniss wondered if he had even slept there. Had he found sleep on the couch downstairs? Or had he even slept at all? She forced herself to focus and opened his closet door. Just as Cinna’s presence had radiated from the dresses in her house, Peeta’s presence flowed from his closet. Katniss’s trembling hand ran over the clothing, as she paused to bring one of his shirts to her face, inhaling his scent. She closed her eyes and thought about her love back in District 13. How she wished she had had one of his shirts with her in the hospital when he was in the Capitol. The smell of him kept her going on, the thought of him gave her a warm feeling, the memory of his arms around her made her heart race. How could she have been so stupid? How she could have thought for a second that Peeta was not the one for her? She shook her head and looked through his suits. She found one that he had worn on the Tour and thought Finnick would look handsome in it. She pulled out another one for Peeta to wear and glanced down when something fluttered to the floor. She flung the suits over her arm and bent to pick it up. She gasped as she stared at a picture of her. It had been from the first Games, when they had returned to 12, and one of Peeta’s family members had obviously taken it. But Peeta had ripped the picture so that it was just Katniss holding a hand, her features soft and lovely from Cinna’s talented hand. She swallowed as she stared at the picture, her hands shaking. She searched the closet for the rest of the picture but did not find it. With a last glance at his few belongings, she closed the closet and set the picture beside his bed. Giving the lonely bedroom another look, she closed the door behind her and rejoined the others downstairs.


	15. Chapter 15

XV

 

As they made their way back to District 13, Katniss held tightly to the suits in her hands. One of her hands was pressed tightly to her belly, trying to feel the tiny being in there. Annie’s eyes were on Katniss’s hands and she smiled. When Katniss noticed Annie staring at her, their eyes met and they felt a rush of understanding between them. 

When the hovercraft landed, Annie went looking for Finnick and Katniss took the dresses back to her room. Prim was waiting for her, with a broad smile on her face.

“What do you look so happy for?”

“Because you’re finally getting out of here.” Katniss stopped, nearly dropping her crutch.

“What? How do you know?”

“The doctors say you’re walking again, you don’t need to stay here in the hospital. You can move in with mom and Buttercup and me!” 

“And Peeta? Does he have to stay here?” Prim bit her lip.

“I’m sure after the wedding, Coin will decide he is stable and will release him. Don’t worry, Katniss.” She wanted to see him. She had wanted to se him since she had left his bedroom. 

“Will you hang these up? I want to go see him.”

“Oh Katniss, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. You know he’s busy, you know, with the cake.” Katniss watched her sister closely, her eyes narrowed.

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Prim.”

“No, I just--“

“You can’t lie, little duck. You’re too sweet for that. Spill it.” Prim sighed, her shoulders slumping.

“Peeta has been kept under guard for the past several days because Coin thinks he is unstable. She saw the tapes of what they did to him in the Capitol. Not all of them,” she said hurriedly, seeing Katniss’s blood drain from her face. “Haymitch made sure of that. But Coin thinks that Peeta is worse at night and keeps guards by his room.”

“He hasn’t been let out in all that time?”

“He’s been allowed to work on the cake in the kitchen but the rest of the time…”

“So you and Finnick have been lying to me. When you told me you saw him at dinner, you lied to me.” Prim’s face fell and she bit her lip.

“I’m so sorry Katniss. I never wanted to hurt you. But the baby--“

“It’s not about the baby,” Katniss yelled. “It’s about my little sister lying to me! Why is everyone lying to me?”

“Because you are pregnant and can’t let your stress level or your depression do anything to hurt the baby!” Katniss fumed.

“I know what my body can handle, Prim. It’s MY body! Don’t leave me out of decisions that concern me. I can’t handle my own sister lying to my face. The whole world has done it but not my baby sister.”

“I’m sorry, Katniss. I won’t lie to you anymore. But I don’t know if they will let you in to see him. It’s getting late.” 

“I’m going to try. I’ll be back later.” Prim watched sadly as Katniss limped out, her heart heavy with the guilt of lying to her big sister, the one who had always protected her and had always put her first. 

 

Katniss’s crutches made noise all the way down the hall but she didn’t care. She stopped in front of Peeta’s room and glared at the guards.

“I need to see Peeta, please.”

“Sorry Soldier Everdeen. Soldier Mellark is on lock-down. Only certain people can get in to see him.”

“And shouldn’t his fiancé be one of those people?” District 13 didn’t know that it had all been lies but she ignored this. She now thought of Peeta as more than a friend, more than a boyfriend. She would marry him, should he ask her again. So she would use the title to her advantage.

“You were his main target, Soldier Everdeen. He was programmed to hate you. You could set him off and we don’t want him to go into a flashback.”

“Listen you morons,” she said through gritted teeth, “the reason why we’re not healing quickly is because you’re keeping us apart. I need him as much as he needs me. Besides, the room is watched. If anything happens, you can come in and fire your damn tranq guns. Now let me in!” The guards looked surprised and shuffled to the side. Katniss pushed the door open and slammed it closed with her crutch. Peeta was coloring furiously and looked up, surprise evident in his wide eyes. He stood up, dropping the pencil on top of the table.

“Katniss?” She limped over to him, grabbed him by the shirt, and pulled him to her, her crutches falling with a loud thud. Peeta didn’t have time to react; her lips closed over his and her other hand reached up and clutched his blonde locks. He moaned against her lips, his hands resting on her waist and traveling up and down her back. They broke away only when they needed air, and then they were drinking each other in, like oxygen. Peeta angled his head, deepening their kiss, his tongue exploring her mouth completely and taking in every bit of her and relishing it. He broke away to look at her, but her eyes were closed.

“Katniss-“ she shook her head and dove in again, silencing him with her lips. He tried again.

“Katniss, what-“

“Shh,” she said against his mouth, as she leaned into him and grinded against him. He gasped, his eyes shooting open, and she could clearly feel his desire for her. One of his hands drifted down to her thigh, lifting it up around his waist so he could press even more into her. His other hand moved up to her hair, quickly running his fingers through the dark tresses and unbraiding it, sighing when it spread across his fingers like the milkiest of chocolate. He started to push her toward the wall, underneath the monitor, and she did not resist. His hands went to either side of her, his palms flat against the wall as he pressed into her, and her arms wound round his neck as she leaned up and sucked at his throat. His eyes closed, he tossed his head back, moaning her name and one of her hands made its way down his chest, to grope him through his jeans. His forehead rested on her shoulder and he panted against her skin. One of her hands curled around his neck, fingering the fine hairs there while her other was busy with the buttons and zipper of his clothing. Katniss paused for just a moment and Peeta’s shaking hand covered hers, bringing it into his jeans to rest over his boxers. He pulled away from her shoulder and she glanced up at him, her eyes uncertain. His hands grasped her face as he leaned in to kiss her and that was the motivation she needed. Her palm raked across his arousal and his breathing hitched slightly. She grasped him fully through his boxers and the rub of the fabric was driving him to insanity. In one quick motion, he shoved his jeans and boxers a little ways down his hips and moved his hand to her jeans. His skilled fingers had her pants unbuttoned and he slid a hand in to tease her damp center. He let out a low growl and gently bit her bottom lip. 

“Touch yourself, Katniss.”

“This is supposed to be about you,” she whispered into his lips.

“I know. This will help. Trust me.” Keeping one hand on his pelvis, right above his erection, her other hand slid into her jeans and into her slick folds. She gasped at the contact and Peeta’s eyes lit up at the sight. 

“Fuck,” he groaned unintentionally. She moaned as her fingers rubbed across her center and her nails dug into Peeta’s stomach. Peeta lifted her hand to his lips and sucked on her glistening digits. Her knees buckled at the feel of his tongue swiping across her fingers, sucking her off of them. He brought her hand back down between them, and guided her on how he liked to be touched. Her other hand went back up to grip his hair and he hissed at the pleasure she was giving him. 

“F-faster,” he panted, burying his face in her shoulder again. She increased her speed, and nudged her shoulder so he would move back. She wanted to watch him. She wanted to watch the look on his face, the way he bit his lip and groaned. His face was flushed, his blonde hair hung in his face, and when Katniss’s thumb swiped across the head, his knees buckled and he gasped.

“Katniss! Fuck!” She felt something warm all over her hand and he rested his forehead on her shoulder as he attempted to catch his breath, his hands going to either side of her head again. She wiped her hands on her pants and kissed his neck, her arms wrapping around him again. He pulled back and she pushed his damp hair out of his eyes. He smiled and leaned in to give her a gentle kiss.

“You going to tell me why you jumped my bones as soon as you came in?”

“I missed you,” she said simply. 

“I don’t think that was just you missing me. Did something happen?”

“No, I just missed you. Being in your house, seeing how lonely you must have been…” Peeta’s smile faded slightly and he shrugged. This angered Katniss and she moved forward, gripping his face with both hands.

“I’m sorry, Peeta. I’m sorry that no one showed you how much we loved you.” She was referring to his family as well as herself. They had stayed away from Victors Village as well and Peeta must have made the trek to the Merchant side constantly to visit them. It wasn’t fair. Katniss bit her lip and nuzzled into him. He took her hand and kissed her palm.

“I love you,” he breathed gently. “I know you may get tired of hearing it but--“

“I could never get tired of hearing that. And I love you too.” He squeezed his eyes shut, and Katniss noticed a tear escape the corner. She gasped and used her thumb to wipe it away and he opened his eyes; they were as clear as the skies outside but shining with tears. He took both her hands in his own and kissed them.

“I never thought I would hear you say those words while looking so sincere. It’s always been an act.”

“Not always,” she said softly. He frowned and lowered her hands.

“When was it not?”

“I don’t know Peeta, I just…I felt so confused. About everything. I’ll be honest, I thought you were very good at the act during the first Games. But then we kissed in the cave and I felt something different. I started to think that maybe you weren’t acting and then I became very confused about my own feelings about you. I’m sorry to say but I didn’t give as much thought to relationships and romance as most sixteen year old girls. I thought of how to survive and how to keep my family alive. Gale helped me and because of that, we grew very close. I know he was hurt by the act…I had to come to terms that I had hurt you both. When we returned to 12, you avoided me and Gale was pretty cold so I didn’t really have anyone. I missed you both, for completely different reasons. But I didn’t try to puzzle out my feelings for you boys. Then Snow made his announcement and I swore that I would die in the Arena so I could send you home. But you had made the same deal with Haymitch and little did we know, he was in on the whole mockingjay plan with Plutarch. When you hit that forcefield…I don’t know Peeta, I felt a little piece of me die inside. Finnick said that was when he knew I loved you. I’m just an idiot and took much longer. But when you kissed me on the beach…I knew it meant something. That I wasn’t just kissing you back to keep up pretenses but that I was actually doing it to show you I cared.”

“I remember,” he said softly. “I remember thinking that it seemed different. You were…I don’t know, more natural? Whatever it was it was nice.” Katniss nodded.

“It was. I’d never felt such…heat, save for the cave.” 

“You felt different in the cave too? Why didn’t you say something while we were sharing that sleeping bag?” He said teasingly, winking. 

“As I said, I was confused about the whole thing. And I didn’t know when that you weren’t acting, remember? But in the Quarter Quell, I knew. Something between us had changed and I was still ready to die to save you. And then you were captured and as you know, I completely fell apart. Because I knew I loved you. So no, Peeta, the whole thing wasn’t always an act. I just took a long time to understand. My heart hadn’t caught up with my head. Forgive me, Peeta. I’m sorry it took me so long.” He pulled her   
into a bone-crushing hug and held her close. When he pulled her away, his hand remained on her cheek and he pressed his forehead against hers. 

“Say it again,” he whispered. She smiled and pushed a strand of hair from his eyes.

“I love you, Peeta.” He squeezed his eyes shut again and when she moved her hands up to caress his face, he grabbed them and brought them to his lips.

“It’s alright to tell me that anytime you feel like it.” She giggled and leaned into him. 

“You remember saying that to me in the first Games? ‘Remember, we’re madly in love, so it’s all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it’, you said.”   
He grinned and leaned down to kiss her.

“I just thought I would remind you from time to time.” Peeta noticed she was having a difficult time standing up straight so he scooped her up and set her down in the chair, as he dragged another one over and sat across from her, bringing her legs up to rest in his lap. She sighed and leaned back against the chair while his fingers made patterns over her knees. 

“Feels like forever since I have seen you. How are you feeling?”

“Better. I’m trying to walk as normally as I can but I’m still a bit slow. I saw Plutarch though and he seems happy with my progress. I had no idea they were keeping you locked in here, Peeta. They have been lying to me and I’m sorry.”

“Why would you be sorry,” he said with a frown.

“Because I would have come down here and demanded they let me in to see you days ago!”

“That’s probably why everyone lied to you then,” he said with a chuckle. 

“They shouldn’t have lied to me. I’m sick of everyone acting like I’m about to break.”

“You’re the Mockingjay, Katniss, and you have already been captured once. No one wants to see anything happen to you. And when they find out about this,” his eyes darted to her stomach before going back to her eyes, “it’s going to be even worse.”

“Which is why I’m not telling them until after I kill Snow.” Peeta’s eyes widened.

“I can’t, Peeta. Plutarch will…I don’t even know what he will do but he will make it a huge event and spectacle and I don’t need anything distracting me from bringing down the Capitol.”

“You’re not doing this alone, Katniss. You have all of us to help you. And I’ll keep your secret…well, our secret, but I think you should still tell them.”

“If I tell them, Coin will make sure I never see any combat and I want to be in the Capitol when we bring it down.” 

“Katniss, I completely understand your feelings. I really do. But combat is no place for a pregnant woman. And I BEG of you to think of our child before you march in   
there, armed and dangerous. I don’t want either of you to get hurt. I will die if anything happens to either of you.” 

“Peeta, I’m not the type of woman to sit around on the couch and eat bonbons all during her pregnancy. That’s not the kind of girl I am.” Peeta cast her an amused expression at the vision of it but his face grew serious again.

“There’s a difference between being lazy and being safe. Please baby…be safe. For me. For her. For the future that you foresee for us. Don’t go to the Capitol. I’m begging you.”

“I’m sorry, Peeta. I told Coin that I’m to be the one to kill Snow. I have to do it. No one else. I won’t appear weak in front of the squads.” She lowered her feet and tried to stand but he leaned in closer and took her hands.

“Then I’ll be right beside you,” he said, their fingers intertwining. “I’ll make sure nothing happens to you. Do you honestly think Haymitch and Gale are going to let you fight though? They know about it too.”

“It’s not really up to them. And it’s not up to you. I won’t intentionally try to get us killed but I won’t avoid the fighting either. You know me, Peeta. I’m a fighter.”

“Yes. I do.” She gave him a sad smile and caressed his cheek.

“I love you,” she said quietly. Peeta nodded, swallowing.

“And I love you. You said you were in my house. I take it that means Finnick has a suit for the wedding?”

“I brought one for you too. Plutarch wants to shoot a propo but I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she cast a sad look down at her feet and Peeta understood.

“You’ll dance at that wedding no matter what,” he said quietly. “What kind of dress did you bring back for yourself?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“That’s just for the bride, not the bridesmaids. It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride but I think he can know details about the dress. Though I didn’t watch any of the broadcasts when you tried on your wedding gowns.” Katniss looked quickly at him and he shrugged.

“It may have been a pretend engagement but I think I wanted to treat it as real as I could. I wanted to be surprised when I saw you, knew you would take my breath away in whatever you wore. Whatever the Capitol chose for you. Your last interview…my heart stopped when you walked out. You were so beautiful in that dress.” 

“It was his best one,” Katniss said in a choked voice. “And I think it was his downfall.”

“Cinna knew what he was doing, Katniss. You have to trust that.” She nodded and wiped her face on her sleeve.

“You didn’t watch any of the broadcast?” He laughed and shook his head.

“I was pacing around like an idiot and Haymitch kicked me out. Said I was bugging the hell out of him.” 

“You didn’t miss anything. It was weird seeing myself in those dresses.”

“Because you never want to get married?” Katniss noted the sadness in his tone and she bit her lip.

“I didn’t want to…then. But now…” she trailed off and Peeta drew a sharp breath.

“Now?”

“Now…I don’t know. I used to have these awful dreams of me being torn apart by mutts, wearing a wedding dress. Lately it’s been weird, I’ve had dreams of my whole wedding. I blame Annie for talking about it all the time.” She laughed nervously and Peeta’s eyes shone bright. 

“Do you see the ceremony or just small details?”

“A lot of things. My dress, my hair, my groom, Prim in a bridesmaid dress…Haymitch in a tux.” She laughed again and Peeta forced a laugh.

“And…who’s the groom?” Katniss fixed her wide eyes on his and swallowed.

“Do you really have to ask that, Peeta?” 

“I…yes. Call it my old fears. Call it my paranoia. Call it the damn hijacking. Just tell me, Katniss.” 

“You, Peeta,” she said so quietly that he had to lean in close and he sucked in a breath. “All I ever see is you taking my hand and pushing back my veil. Which is weird because I hate veils.” He shook his head, smiling, and his hands went to cradle her face.

“Katniss Everdeen…I love you more with every breath that I take. I know technically we have been engaged for awhile now but away from the cameras and the Capitol and the whole damn world, I ask you to be mine. Will you marry me?”

“Peeta…I don’t think now is really the time--“

“Now is the perfect time, Katniss. Because haven’t we learned, there never really is a perfect moment? There’s only today because that may be all we have. I will love and protect you with everything that I have and will proudly call you mine, if you’ll let me. I hope that this baby can be called Mellark. Or at least, Everdeen-Mellark.” Katniss felt such a rush of longing and love toward the man before her that she crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

“I love you, Peeta Mellark. And I cannot wait to be your wife. Real.”


	16. Chapter 16

XVI. 

Peeta held Katniss tightly, his hands roaming all over her body while their kisses became more passionate and less restrained. Katniss moaned as she turned to face him and grinded against his growing erection, her hardened nipples pressing into his chest. He broke the kiss for air and his eyes took her all in.

“Shit Katniss. You’re going to be the death of me.” 

“You’ve developed quite a mouth on you, Mr. Mellark. I don’t think I have ever heard sweet innocent Peeta curse like that.” Peeta bit his lip but leaned in closer.

“What can I say, you do something to me.” He saw she looked worried for a moment and she leaned back a little.

“As long as my Peeta will never leave me.” He understood her meaning and his arms around her tightened.

“Even in my hijacked state, you have been able to calm me and keep me with you. Bring me back to you. And the doctors said that couldn’t be done. You’re my miracle, Katniss. I’m yours completely.” 

“I want to be yours too,” she whispered in his ear as she pressed her hips down and deliberately grinded into him. He let out a groan and threw his head back, as she leaned down and sucked at the delicate skin on his throat. He didn’t register her hands traveling downwards until he heard the sound of a zipper being unzipped and felt her hand press against his boxers. His hips jerked and his eyes shot open.

“Katniss!” Her lips traveled across his neck and nipped at his ear and his eyes closed lazily again. Her hand dove into his boxers and grasped him and he let out a strangled gasp. She pumped him a few times before moving her hand to her own jeans. She was on the verge of sliding them down when she felt Peeta’s hand on her wrist.

“Katniss, what are you doing?”

“Don’t you want me Peeta?” He squeezed his eyes shut at her husky voice.

“God, more than anything. But Katniss…I want our first time to be special. Somewhere nice, not in a hospital room with monitors all over the place or guards out front.”

“It’s not our first time, Peeta,” she reminded him and his eyes squeezed shut in pain.

“Yes it is! We haven’t…I didn’t…we can’t DO this!” She leaned back, alarmed, and instantly felt like a fool. What was wrong with her? How could she push him like this? Neither of them could handle much at this point and she was so good at saying the wrong thing. She bit her lip and cradled his face. He was trembling and she made gentle shushing noises in his ear.

“Peeta, shh, it’s ok. It’s ok, listen to me. I’m here. We’re safe. We’re here together. It’s going to be ok. Just stay with me.” He started taking deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling and Katniss gently pushed his hair out of his face.

“Stay with me, Peeta. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Katniss,” he whispered, his eyes still shut. She kissed his forehead and then both cheeks. He opened his eyes and she sighed with relief when she saw no clouds or darkness. 

“I suppose I had better go,” she said quietly, reaching down for her crutches. Peeta helped her to her feet and made sure she was steady before his hands went to her waist. 

“I’m glad you stopped by. I hope you can come visit more often.”

“They’re moving me out of the hospital.” His eyes widened.

“Where are you going to go?”

“Well, Prim said that I’m moving in with her and Mom but I don’t know yet. What are your chances of getting out of here soon?” Peeta glanced sadly at the restraints on the bed and sighed.

“Not very good.”

“They’re not still restraining you, are they?”

“Only when I’m a danger to myself.” 

“Damn it, Peeta, you’re not a danger! I’m sick of these people treating you like this! They don’t care what happened, only that you were programmed to kill their precious Mockingjay!” 

“You’re the top priority, Katniss. You always have been. And I don’t disagree with them. Until my flashbacks fade away, I can’t leave the hospital. And I can’t be completely alone with you. I could never forgive myself if I hurt you…again.” 

“You had no control--“

“Stop saying that! Please! Nothing should excuse what I have done to you. Nothing.” Katniss took a step back and her eyes traveled over his shaking form. 

“We’re back to that, then? It’s not “our child” anymore, it’s what you’ve done?” 

“Katniss-“

“No, you know what Peeta? If you think it’s such a mistake, maybe it would be a good thing if I went to the Capitol and had some kind of accident that made me lose it. Maybe we’re just too twisted to actually do this together.”

“Katniss!” She ignored his stunned face, his wide glassy eyes, and his gaping jaw and she pulled the door open, slamming it shut behind her. She paused a moment to wipe her tears away before she became aware of the guards staring at her.

“What the hell are you looking at,” she snapped before she took off down the hall, as fast as the crutches would carry her.


	17. Chapter 17

XVII. 

The day of the wedding, all of District 13 was buzzing with excitement. Plutarch and Coin had had several arguments; you just can’t put a former Game-maker on a budget and Coin frowned at the frivolity of the plans. Katniss worked on decorations with Johanna, her mood still snappish and irritable. Finally as the sun was going down, Johanna and Katniss took Annie back to her room to start getting ready. Katnisss attempted to put on a brave face for her friends but she was finding it difficult. She had not been to see Peeta in three days, she still wasn’t walking without the crutches, and she was having terrible morning sickness. When she entered the room, her prep team was there as well, smiling at the girls.

“We brought all of our things,” Venia said quietly, smiling at Annie.

“I’ll work on Katniss while you guys work on Annie,” Octavia said moving toward Katniss. 

“Everyone should be focusing on Annie. It’s her special night.”

“Yeah but you’re filming a propo, mockingjay,” Johanna said as she settled in a seat across from Annie. Octavia glanced at her and her lips tightened.

“I’m not sure what we can do--“

“Oh don’t bother, I don’t expect anyone to make me pretty for this shindig.” 

“Johanna,” Annie said slowly, “it’s my wedding. I’d like for everyone to look nice, especially my bridesmaids.”

“You never said anything about me being a bridesmaid! Oh, now I’m going to get all emotional.” Katniss rolled her eyes and turned to Octavia.

“Nothing too outlandish please, Octavia. I’m not feeling up to this whole girl on fire routine.”

“Soft and natural,” Octavia said with a smile. “You’ll look beautiful, Katniss.” 

 

Two hours later, the girls were dressed and even Johanna looked stunning; Venia had done miracles with her chopped hair and designed a clever collar that went with her dress to hide the bruises. Katniss felt a little bit like herself in her short red gown, her flowing tresses cascading down her back like a waterfall of chocolate, with several red roses braided in. Octavia had kept her promise and had kept her make-up soft, with rosy cheeks and soft liner under her eyes. Annie hardly recognized herself as she twirled in front of the mirror. The green gown reached the floor and Flavius had twisted her long dark hair into an elegant bun with several tendrils hanging in her green eyes. Her make-up represented her district, with colors of the sea around her eyes and they had even fashioned a necklace to look like blue coral. Katniss pulled her into her arms and gave her a tight squeeze.

“I’m truly happy for you and Finnick, Annie. I needed to see such happiness.” 

“Thank you Katniss,” she said, squeezing her hand. There was a knock at the door and Haymitch peered his head in.

“Everyone ready in here?” Prim crept in behind him and went to Annie, pressing a lovely bouquet into her hands.

“The children made this for you.” 

“It’s beautiful,” Annie said, her eyes filling up with tears.

“NO!” All three of Katniss’s team yelled, and Annie stopped her tears immediately. Katniss smiled and offered her arm, which Annie took. Johanna offered her other and Haymitch held the door open for the three women. 

 

Katniss had never seen anything more beautiful and she knew it would be considered low by Capitol standards. Still, the look on Finnick’s face when he saw his bride made the entire night unforgettable. Peeta stood by Finnick’s side and his breath hitched when Katniss made her way before Annie, limping only slightly. Johanna followed, leaving Annie to walk down the blue carpet alone. Finnick didn’t breathe as Annie came toward him and she kept her head lowered, finally glancing up at him shyly as she joined him. He reached out and grasped her hands, and they both trembled slightly. Katniss stood back and she jumped as she felt an arm snake around her waist.  
“You are radiant,” Peeta whispered in her ear. Despite the tension between them, she felt herself relax a little against him and his other hand found hers, squeezing it tightly. As the vows began, Peeta and Katniss broke away to spread a net of woven grass over the couple and Peeta handed Finnick a goblet of salt water. As he said his vows, he tenderly rubbed Annie’s lips with the water, then handed her the goblet and allowed her to do the same. An ancient wedding song struck up and Finnick and Annie finished the lyrics together. When they kissed, the room was in an uproar and Katniss and Peeta clapped the loudest. Finnick grasped Annie’s hand and raced down the carpet, picking her up and whirling her around. Katniss stumbled a little and felt Peeta steady her immediately. She glanced up at him and bit her lip. She was still uncertain how she should act around him. She had avoided him for three days and knew he was probably upset. But as he wrapped his arms around her waist and fixed her with a loving gaze, she couldn’t help but get lost in those seas of blue filled with so much adoration for her.

The fiddler struck up a lively tune and Finnick twirled his wife around the floor. Katniss leaned into Peeta, laughing and clapping happily. The people of District 12 and 13 rose to their feet and joined hands in their dance. After awhile, the fiddler and childrens’ choir started to play a slower song.  
Katniss noticed the film team traveling around the room and Plutarch caught her eye. She sighed and tried to stand up straight.

“I may need to go get my crutches, if he expects me to dance for this.” Peeta shook said nothing and scooped her up into his arms, holding her to his chest. She looked up at him, surprised, and wrapped her arm around his neck while her other hand gripped his suit. He swayed back and forth, never breaking their gaze. They ignored the cameras, the other people; for now, it was just them. Peeta leaned down and touched his forehead to hers.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” he said quietly. She shook her head.

“Don’t worry about it.” 

“No, don’t do that. Don’t pretend like everything is fine,” he said gently. “It’s not and I don’t know if it ever will be. But I sometimes forget how wonderful my life can be with you and all I can focus on is the bad. But you make me want to see the good. You bring so much good to my life. You say I’m your dandelion but you are my sunset, Katniss. The beautiful ending of a not-so-beautiful day and the promise of an even more beautiful tomorrow. Our lives pause at sunset and start over after the moon has come out, because, well, the night wipes the slate clean. I’m not making any sense, am I?” Katniss smiled and reached up to touch his face.

“It’s perfectly clear to me.” 

“Well, you’re weird, like I am.”

“Maybe. Maybe that’s why we’re perfect for each other.” He studied her for a moment before leaning down and giving her lips a chaste kiss. His arms did not waver for a moment as he held her up, carrying her bridal-style and dreaming about the day when he would say “I Do” to her then proceed to carry her to their house, light a fire, and have a toasting before all of their family and friends. Finnick and Annie would stand by, broad smiles on their face, their children playing around their feet. Prim and Gale would stand close by, nodding in approval, while Haymitch and Mrs. Everdeen held onto a beautiful little girl, her blonde hair in two braids and her stormy grey eyes wide as she watched her parents break the bread and feed each other.

Peeta’s eyes shot open as Katniss touched his face again and he jumped.

“Where did you go,” she said softly.

“To the future,” he replied, bending to kiss her again. The filming crew moved closer to the couple and Plutarch nodded excitedly. Peeta ignored them all and concentrated on the woman in his arms. He spun her around and felt her grip around his neck tighten a little. Smiling, they both looked up at the same time and cast the camera a smug look. It was a slap in the face of the Capitol, the expression of “we’re here, we’re together, and we’re alive.” Their hearts racing in unison, they gave the cameras one last real kiss before Peeta moved away and set her down in one of the chairs. Haymitch joined them at the table, taking a swig from his flask. Katniss cast him a disgusted glance but at least he didn’t seem too wasted. Someone clapped their hands loudly and four people started to roll in a gigantic cake. Annie’s and Finnick’s faces lit up at the sight of it and everyone stood back to make room. Katniss squeezed Peeta’s hand and he glanced at her.

“You made that?”

“You think their stunned faces is a good thing or a bad thing?” But he was smiling and Katniss gently hit his arm.

“Peeta, it’s…it’s gorgeous! Help me up, I want a better look.” He pulled her to her feet and wrapped an arm around her waist, allowing her to lean into him as he lead her over to the cake. Annie gave him a warm look as he approached and Finnick raised a glass of cider to his new bride, to Peeta, to Katniss, to Johanna, and finally to District 13. Everyone applauded and Katniss moved closer to examine the cake. The cake was beautifully decorated, with tossing waves and sea life swimming around the icing. Peeta squeezed Katniss’s hand and lead her around to the side, gesturing toward the cake. Katniss cast him a confused look but he merely smiled and nodded. She moved forward and her hand flew to her mouth. There decorating the edges of the cake were tiny white flowers with three petals each: katniss flowers. She looked up at him and was lost in his loving gaze.

“The most beautiful water plants in the world,” he whispered. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him and he felt a nudge on the shoulder. 

“Stealing our limelight are you, Mellark?” Peeta bit his lip and pulled Katniss aside but Finnick laughed.

“Peeta you know I’m joking. You had better step forward with your beautiful fiancé and share this light!” The wedding guests all erupted into applause and moved forward, causing Katniss to shrink back. But she felt a slight pressure behind her and realized Peeta was holding her steady again. Finnick laughed and raised his hand.

“Fire is catching! And if we burn--“

“You burn with us,” the guests said in unison. Everyone raised their glasses to Katniss and toasted her but she did not smile back. She did not nod or acknowledge them in any way. She felt ill and wrong and even used. She backed up even more and Peeta’s brow furrowed as his hands firmly held her upright.

“Come on, Katniss, let’s get some drinks.” He swept her up into his arms again and nodded to the people around him, weaving through the crowd. Finnick cleared his throat and started a lovely speech toward his new wife. 

Once away from the people, Peeta studied Katniss’s pale face.

“What’s wrong,” he said in a low voice.

“I just feel…sick.”

“Do you want me to call Prim or--“

“No. Just…can you take me back to the bunker? I just can’t….I don’t want to be here anymore.” Peeta’s frown deepened but he did as she asked and carried her outside. 

“Shouldn’t we say goodbye to Finnick and Annie?”

“Peeta, their words…their expectations…I can’t do this.” 

“What are you talking about?”

“Did you see any of the rebel propos while you were in the Capitol? Ceasar didn’t show you any?” He shook his head.

“They wouldn’t let us see. They just said you were filming for the rebels and ordered me to pacify you. They told me if I got you to surrender, they would spare your life. I…I had to try.” She reached up and touched his cheek and he sighed deeply. He shifted from side to side, feeling pain building up in his leg and Katniss noticed.

“Here, you can put me down. I can walk a little.”

“I like having you in my arms.”

“But your leg--“

“Doesn’t matter,” he cut her off. “Come on, I’ll take you back to your compartment.”   
She lay her head on his chest and his arms tightened around her as he made the trek from the cafeteria to the underground bunkers. 

 

Prim and her mother had not returned from the wedding yet so Katniss let herself into the compartment and shooed Buttercup away. Peeta gently set her down on her bed and bent down to scratch Buttercup behind the ears. Katniss glared at the cat.

“He’s a mangy old thing who doesn’t like anyone.”

“I think it’s just you he doesn’t like,” he replied with a smile. He watched the cat jump onto the other bed and he turned back to Katniss. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“I’m alright. It was one of the first propos we filmed and not long after I found out that anytime I did anything to anger them, they would take it out on you. Those words just….they don’t mean power and rebellion to me. They mean pain and loss and fear. I was so terrified that I would never see you again.” He sighed and sat beside her on the bed, his hand going to the back of her neck and playing with the stray hairs there. 

“Katniss, it’s alright. We’re safe now, remember?”

“For how long, Peeta? I am the Mockingjay and you are still a Victor. My fiancé. We are expected to lead this rebellion and take down the Capitol. What if we can’t do it? What if something happens to us?” The back of his knuckles gently stroked her face and he shook his head.

“You can’t think like that. We just have to trust that we will win. That we’ll make a home for ourselves and our baby and life will be better than it has been. You have to have faith.” 

“I don’t have faith in much anymore,” she said sadly. His hands drifted down and rested on her belly. 

“Have faith in this,” he said quietly. “In us. You were the one who told me that.” Her hand covered his and she gazed up at him. She started to lie back on the bed and pulled him down with her. His arms wrapped around her as he leaned over her, giving her sweet kisses all over. But their kisses grew more urgent and hungry, and Katniss reached up and gripped his long hair, eliciting a deep moan from him that made her shiver. Peeta’s hand stroked her face and trailed down her neck, his knuckles leaving a gentle trail of fire where they touched. He lightly trailed his hands over her breasts, then stopped to rest on her stomach for a moment, before continuing their way downward. Katniss squirmed a little underneath him, causing her dress to ride up around her thighs. His hand came to rest on her thigh and he deepened the kiss, hoping she could feel how much he wanted her. His hand reached under her dress and his knuckles brushed against her dampened panties. She jerked her hips and Peeta let out a soft chuckle against her lips. Her fingers twisted in his hair and he sucked in a breath as his fingers moved over the cloth, paying attention to that particular area that was getting damper by the second. He pulled back to study her expression as he moved the cloth aside, and rubbed his thumb across her slit. She let out a breathy cry and he couldn’t help but smile. He loved how she looked underneath him, with her dark hair spread across the pillow, her face tinged pink, her chest heaving, and her dress pushed up past her creamy thighs. He moaned and leaned down to kiss her again.

“God I want you so much,” he whispered. She tilted her head, inviting him to lavish her flesh and he accepted the offer. His tongue trailed across her neck and across her throat, his lips forming small kisses while he continued to suck at the tender flesh. 

“I want you too,” she purred, “so, you can have me.” 

“Katniss,” he started, as he pulled away but she grabbed his hair again and tugged him back to her. 

“Katniss,” he said between kisses, “I love you. So much. I want to. Do things right.” She attacked his lips again with fervor and he succumbed to her aggression. His prosthetic was between her legs as he hovered over her and she moaned as his knee brushed against her center. His hands went to either side, trapping her in his embrace, and he took a moment to stare down at her. How he desperately wanted to take what she was offering but how could he? He promised himself he would make it a wonderful night, once they defeated Snow. Once they were free. He reluctantly pulled back and sat back on his knees. At that moment, they heard voices outside the door and Peeta jumped off the bed while Katniss pulled her dress back down and smoothed back her hair. Prim and her mother entered and both stopped at the sight of Peeta.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know Katniss had company,” her mother said. Katniss rolled her eyes at how formal she was acting. Peeta had been her fiancé for a long time. He wasn’t merely ‘company’. Peeta nodded.

“Katniss wasn’t feeling well and I told her I would bring her back. I should be going.”

“Oh you don’t have to rush out, we’re just going to bed.” But their compartment was quite small and the beds were very close together. Peeta saw Katniss roll her eyes and he grinned.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Katniss,” he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek but she grabbed him and gave him a passionate kiss. He blushed bright red, knowing her family was watching, and he pulled back quickly.

“Good night ladies,” he said, bowing his head. Keeping his head down, he hurried from the compartment. Katniss sighed and started to dress for bed.

“I think he’s a nice young man, Katniss, but I’m afraid you are taking it too fast,” her mother said gently. Katniss rolled her eyes as she was turned away.

“What’s too fast, Mom? We were prisoners of the Capitol. Before that, we were tributes in the Hunger Games. We haven’t had any time to be together!” 

“Yes but dear, now that you are out of the hospital…well, you don’t have to pretend anymore. There are no cameras or anything of the like. You can be, well, free.” Katniss spun around, her jaw gaping wide.

“You sound just like Gale! Why is it so hard for you all to understand that I love him? FOR REAL?” 

“I just think you’re taking it rather fast…you were forced into an engagement by the Capitol. You don’t need to continue that, now that you’re fighting against it. Take some time to get to know each other before you rush into things.” 

“Yeah, ok mom,” was all Katniss could say. Prim turned from her mother to her sister and sighed. Katniss flung the dress aside and dressed in loose pants and a black t-shirt. She cast the dress an apologetic glance before she hurriedly hung it up. The room was tense and her mother didn’t seem to want to say anything else. Katniss flung herself off the bed and opened the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be back soon,” was all she said.

“Curfew is soon, please don’t stay out too late.” Katniss nodded briefly before slamming the door shut behind her. Prim sighed and shook her head. Now Katniss would never tell their mother she was pregnant. She finished dressing for bed and pulled the covers up over her head, thinking of her little niece or nephew and wondering if they had thought of any names yet. 

 

Katniss limped down the hallway, not really knowing where she was walking to until she found herself out of the bunkers and back near the hospital. She wanted to go back to Peeta but decided she had better let him rest. She caught sight of a couple of figures walking across the lawn, hand in hand, and she realized it was the newlyweds. 

“Love is weird, isn’t it,” said a voice from behind her. She whirled around, nearly falling over to find Johanna sitting on the steps, her chin resting on her knuckles. 

“What are you doing out here?”

“Same as you. Can’t sleep and don’t want to be where I was.” Katniss bit her lip.

“When are they letting you leave the hospital?” 

“Oh come on brainless, like they would trust me alone. The docs aren’t going to release me any time soon. Say I’m still too unstable to live alone.”

“Then room with me.” Johanna’s eyes widened and she looked uncertain.

“I would kill you in your sleep.”

“You could try. Come on, you have to get out of the hospital. People keep viewing us as patients.” Johanna thought for a moment, then nodded.

“Ok brainless you obviously want to see me with no clothes on.”

“Yeah, been there, done that. Wasn’t impressed.” 

“Bitch,” Johanna bit back but she was smiling. “Want to meet me here in the morning so we can talk about me getting discharged?”

“It’s a date, Mason!” 

“Don’t you think of getting friendly. I’ll have to call Peeta and have him tie you to the bed. Though he may enjoy that a little too much,” she chuckled and Katniss fell silent. She knew Johanna didn’t know the details of what had happened in the cell so she remained quiet and muttered that she had to go. Johanna watched her race back towards the bunkers before she re-entered the hospital for what she hoped was the last night.


	18. Chapter 18

XVIII.

Katniss woke up with her family and all three of them prepared for their days without much conversation. She still hadn’t told them that she was moving in with Johanna but she decided that would come later. Katniss joined them on their trek to the hospital and they just assumed she was going to see Peeta.  
They parted ways, while Mrs. Everdeen went in search of the doctor to find out what needed to be done. Prim squeezed Katniss’s hand before she went off in the opposite direction. Katniss wondered if everyone would be at breakfast yet but found herself standing in front of Peeta’s room. The guards nodded to her and moved aside and she pushed the door open, her eyes widening in horror. Peeta’s clouded blue eyes found her and narrowed.

“Well well, nice of you to drop by.” She moved closer to the bed, wincing at how tightly his wrists were restrained. 

“Peeta, what…why did they do this?”

“Beats the hell out of me! Apparently they’re afraid I’ll try to kill you. So you’d better run along before I actually try.”

“You can’t kill me, Peeta. You never could. You love me too much.” He snorted and shook his head, turning away but Katniss came closer and touched his hand. He tried to jerk away but the restraints kept him where he was.

“You do. And you know how much I love you. I’m sick of them doing this to you. Until you’re free from the hospital, I’m staying with you.”

“What if I don’t want you here,” he sneered.

“Why are you trembling,” she said gently, her thumb raking over his hand.

“Maybe I’m resisting the urge to rip out of these things and choke you to death.” But his eyes were softer, the harsh lines in his face were gone, and even his voice was fading back to normal. 

“It’s because as much as you want to think that I’m a capitol mutt, something in your heart is telling you otherwise.” She leaned forward to kiss him and he shrank back, shaking his head, his knuckles white on the sheets. But the moment her lips met his, he relaxed, his hands released the sheets below him, and his lips followed hers. When she pulled back, she smiled at him and he looked baffled.

“Katniss,” he breathed. 

“You’re back,” she replied simply.

“I-but how? What…what happened?”

“I’m moving in here with you, Peeta.” Peeta glanced down at his hands and tugged at them, then looked back at Katniss.

“I can’t let you do that. Who’s to say I won’t hurt you?”

“You won’t.”

“We can’t know that, Katniss. I won’t deliberately put your life in danger. I have to get better first.”

“I’m sick of them treating you like a criminal instead of a patient, Peeta. You’ve done nothing wrong and they try to restrain you rather than help you.” He shrugged but she shook her head violently.

“It’s NOT alright. I’m moving into a compartment with Johanna. Why don’t you and Finnick get a compartment across from us? Or you and…” she trailed off, biting her lip. Peeta’s eyes flashed but he said nothing. He would never room with Gale. Even if he had accepted Peeta’s and Katniss’s relationship, Peeta could never forget the words he had said to him. 

“I’m fine here, Katniss. Really. It’s not so bad.”

“THIS isn’t so bad,” she shrieked, holding his hand up and indicating the tight bond. 

“OK look I’m not going to pretend that this doesn’t suck! But the pain keeps me focused for awhile. I can…I can try to keep myself from leaving. It doesn’t always work, as you can see, but for the most part it does. I asked them to restrain me.” Katniss backed away, looked horrified.

“You asked-?”

“When I feel a flashback coming on, I have to grip something, really tightly. So tight that all I can do is concentrate on the pain. It keeps me grounded. Keeps me sane.”

“You sound insane,” she said, shaking her head.

“Maybe. But if it helps, isn’t it worth it?”

“But you were in a flashback when I came in! And you still confessed to wanting to kill me. How is that helping?” He sighed heavily.

“Katniss, I think you should go.”

“But…I don’t want--“

“Please.” She looked up at him and could see him fighting with himself. Fighting with the demon inside of him that still wanted to destroy the one thing he loved most. She backed away slowly, her hands going to her stomach.

“What happens when she sees this happening, Peeta,” she said weakly, tears welling in her eyes. “What are we going to say to our daughter when you need to be tied to the bed to keep from killing me? What is she going to say when she sees how much her daddy hates her mommy?” 

“We’ll figure it out, Katniss,” he said in a pained moan, squeezing his eyes shut. She turned away, succumbing to her tears, and let the door shut behind her. In the hallway, she collapsed, bringing her knees to her chest and crying into her arms. She knew at that moment that As many times they were happy and said how excited they were for the future, there were more times that there was too much pain and confusion to sort through. Katniss could not have this child. She decided at that moment, she would bring it to term and find it a good home. The child of two victors would be treated like royalty and she was sure she would be able to find someone who would truly love it. Her hands covered her stomach as she continued to weep. She decided not to tell Peeta. She knew he would argue, try to convince her that they could do this, but she knew now that it just wasn’t possible. She didn’t want to expose a child to that kind of life. It was worse than being sent to the Hunger Games. Finding a new determination, she hoisted herself up, wincing slightly at the pain in her feet, and made her way back down the hall toward Johanna’s room.

 

Since Johanna did not have many belongings, it took her little time to get moved from the hospital to the bunkers. The doctors disagreed but Haymitch took the girls’ side and in the end, they had a compartment right across from Prim’s and Mrs. Everdeen’s. Katniss still hadn’t told them but she put that out of her mind and took a quick shower while Johanna inspected the tiny compartment. She pulled open the drawers, slamming it shut when she noticed Katniss looking at her.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“It’s ok. You can look at my stuff if you want.” Johanna’s fingers traveled over Katniss’s belongings, a look of longing crossing over her face. She inspected the spile that Haymitch had sent to them in the Quarter Quell, the locket with the pictures of Prim, her mother, and Gale that Peeta had given her, her father’s hunting jacket, a picture of her mother and father’s wedding day. She flipped through the family plant book for a moment before setting it aside and picking up a small object, holding it in the palm of her hand.

“Is this-?”

“Yeah. Made it through somehow.” Johanna looked over at Katniss with a raised brow.

“You guys are fucked up in your own ways but you’re perfect together. You know that right?”

“I don’t think I do. He seems to be getting worse, not better, and I can’t think of anything but killing Snow.”

“You have other things to think about now, mockingjay,” she said gesturing toward Katniss’s stomach. Katniss gently touched it before lowering her hands.

“It’s not ours anymore.” Johanna frowned.

“What’re you--“

“I’m giving it up. I won’t kill it but I’m not keeping it. When it’s born, I’m going to find it a home.” Johanna stared at her as if she had sprouted three heads.

“And what does bread boy think of this idea?”

“Peeta doesn’t have to know. Not until the baby is born anyway and I have found it a home.”

“Like hell he doesn’t have to know! It’s his baby too, Katniss! It’s both of yours! You created it together! You’ll figure out a way to make it work!”

“He raped me, Johanna!” Johanna gaped at her, her eyes wide as Katniss stumbled back and hid her face in her hands.

“I know you were in the cell next to us. You could hear everything that was happening. You heard me pleading for him to stop. That’s how I got pregnant. He raped me. He wants to die for it, and I’ve told him I’ve forgiven him but how can we bring a baby into our fucked up lives? It will be its own little version of the Games. Every day, Peeta will have flash backs and will want to kill me. Every night I will scream from my nightmares and wake my child up. I never wanted children because of the Games. I can never have children because of what the Games has done. We can’t do it, Jo. We’re fools to try.”

“No, you’re a fool to give up,” Johanna said softly, her voice still laced with that rough edge but with a comforting tone to it that Katniss had never heard before. “You and Peeta have something special. Something that defies reason and logic and definitely defies the fucking Capitol. If you give up, you’re letting them win. You can’t let them win, Katniss. You can’t.” Katniss leaned against the wall, letting out a deep sigh. Johanna approached her and opened her hand, placing the pearl inside and closing it.

“Hold onto this and hold onto your love. Don’t let it slip away.” Katniss stared at the pearl in her hand and remembered his words from the Quarter Quell.

If you die and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life. I would never be happy again. No one really needs me.

Katniss clutched the pearl tightly before slipping it into her pocket.

“Come on, let’s go get some food. I’m starving.” 

 

Katniss and Johanna sat beside a glowing Annie and Finnick and were quiet next to the newlyweds. Katniss’s eyes shot open when Gale entered the cafeteria and when he spotted her, he came to sit next to her. 

“Hey Catnip, long time no see.”

“You saw me last night at the wedding.”

“Ok long time no talk. You are looking great. Both of you girls are. When are you going to join us in training?” 

“I was going to stop by today actually,” Katniss said casually. Johanna shot her a look of surprise but covered it well.

“Yep, we just wanted to eat breakfast first but we were going to join afterwards.” 

“Does Peeta know that you’re training,” Gale said slowly. 

“Peeta doesn’t control my life. No one does except for me. I’ll still go the Capitol and kill Snow.” Gale frowned and leaned closer.

“Katniss, be reasonable. The baby--“

“I’ll see you at training, Gale,” she said quickly, rising and quickly hurrying from the table. They all watched her go and Johanna groaned, hiding her face in her hands. 

“Ok spill it. What’s going on with her?” She glanced up at Finnick, whose mouth had thinned.

“Why are you asking me?”

“She’s your roommate. And you obviously know something.” 

“I’m so bad at secrets,” she groaned. 

“I’m not. It’s how I’ve survived all this time. Tell us.” Johanna sighed and shook her head.

“She wants to give up the baby.”

“WHAT,” the three of them said in unison. Johanna shushed them harshly and looked around.

“She thinks she can’t do it. That they can’t do it. She looked so lost and helpless, I didn’t recognize her. That girl in the Arena wouldn’t just let the Capitol win like this. So where’s that girl gone?”

“She’s been through a lot,” Gale said, his throat tightening. Johanna’s eyes met his and they mutually agreed to keep the details of the horror a secret. 

“Do you think Peeta can talk her out of it?”

“She doesn’t even want him to know until the birth. Which I think is unfair since the decision does affect him too.” 

“Ok but let’s think of it both ways,” said Gale. “If Peeta doesn’t get better, this will be a daily thing for them. How will that look to the kid when it grows older? What are they going to tell it, about why mom and dad are so messed up?”

“Yes but the baby could make things better for them,” Annie said gently. “It could give Peeta even more motivation to get better.”

“Babies shouldn’t be motivation,” Finnick said miserably. “They shouldn’t be solutions. And I agree with Gale, how is that going to affect their child?” Johanna and Annie stared at him in shock.

“But I still believe that they can do it. That they can overcome this shit and live semi-normally. I mean, I don’t think any of us are going to be “normal” after what we have been through but we have to try, don’t we? I don’t think I could ever be happier,” he squeezed his wife’s hand and Gale noticed that he was not letting go of her hand.   
“And I want that for both of them. What makes me nervous is that she wants to go into combat with that little one inside of her. And we all know we won’t be able to talk her out of it.”

“We’ll just have to protect her as best we can,” Gale said softly.

“We let her get shot, Gale. We let her get captured by the Capitol. That’s not really protecting her.” 

“Then we have to try harder. And we have to make sure Peeta is well enough to come with us because we know he would never let anything happen to her. If she’s going to be stubborn about this, we’ll keep her and the baby safe.” The three of them nodded in agreement.

“So,” Finnick said uncomfortably. “Do we tell Peeta or not?” 

“About her decision to give it up? Maybe. I think he deserves to know.” 

“To know what,” said a voice as they felt a thud on the bench. Finnick looked at Peeta, surprised.

“Well good to see you out and about! How are you feeling?”

“Surprisingly, pretty good. I just woke up feeling pretty positive about things. Katniss came to see me and I kind of sent her away but then I started thinking about everything and it was like I had an epiphany. I’m going to be a daddy. I’m going to marry the woman I have been in love with since I was five years old. If that’s not reason enough to try to get better, I don’t know what is!” Peeta cheerfully helped himself to cereal and missed Finnick’s nervous glances with the others. 

“So, you think you will get better then? How?” Peeta glanced up at Gale.

“I’m seeing a therapist and the doctors are trying this thing to reverse the hijacking. They’re pretty confident that it will work.” 

“Peeta,” Finnick said uncomfortably and everyone’s eyes went to him. Johanna shook her head but Finnick took a deep breath. 

“Peeta, I’m really happy that you have made this discovery. But you need to speak to Katniss. Soon.”

“Um, ok…how come?” Finnick glanced at the others and Peeta frowned.

“You all know something. Tell me.” 

“Katniss wants to find a home for the baby.” Peeta’s jaw dropped.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Finnick swallowed.

“I think she’s starting to feel…pretty hopeless and she decided she wants to give the baby up after it’s born.” 

“And she told you about this decision and not me?” Finnick winced. Johanna reached over and lay a hand on Peeta’s arm.

“Peeta, she doesn’t want to hurt you, honest she doesn’t. She just thinks it’s best, with how messed up everything is. I tried to talk her out of it but--“

“I’ll talk her out of it. I’ll demand an explanation. How dare she make a decision like that by herself? It affects both of us. Does she think she has the right to give my child away to a complete stranger?” Gale tensed up a little.

“Peeta, please calm down. I don’t want you to go into a flashback.”

“This isn’t a flashback,” Peeta growled, his eyes flashing as he flung his legs over the bench. “This is a livid fiancé and father-to-be. She has no right. Where is she?” There was silence and Peeta’s hard eyes flew from one to the other.

“The training field,” Finnick finally said in a small voice and Johanna punched him in the arm. Peeta left without another word and Johanna shook her head.

“Great. We’ll be visiting Katniss in the hospital again.”

“Peeta won’t hurt her. He’ll just make her see reason. I hope,” he added miserably. 

 

Peeta stormed outside and his eyes scanned the field. He found her almost immediately. She wore black pants a loose red shirt, with her brown boots and her signature braid slung over her shoulder. In her hand she held an intricate bow and she was firing arrows at the targets across the field. Peeta made his way over to her, keeping a slight distance behind her. He was angry but he wasn’t stupid and he knew how she never missed. When she had fired the last arrow, he finally spoke.

“When did you decide to start training?” She whirled around, rolling her eyes and huffing when she saw who it was.

“I could have killed you, you know.”

“I waited until your arrows were gone. What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m getting ready to take down the Capitol. I’m still the Mockingjay, I have to keep myself strong and fit. You think the Capitol won’t have plenty of boobytraps?”

“And yet again I ask you why do you want to put yourself into that kind of danger?”

“I’m used to danger,” she said dismissively, looking around for more arrows.

“But our child isn’t,” he said harshly. She chose to ignore him and instead, practiced throwing knives. Her indifference toward the situation only angered him more.

“Do you hear me, Katniss? OUR child. Not someone else’s. Not just yours. OUR’S.”

“Yes Peeta, I hear you. What is your problem?” 

“Do you have something you would like to discuss with me?”

“No,” she continued to throw the knives, not glancing his way. His temper rose to the top and his hands balled into fists. 

“Damn it Katniss, drop the fucking knives and look at me!” She whirled around, shocked at his tone, and instantly searched his eyes for the clouded, angry look. They were the usual startling blue but were hard and even cold. Fury was etched into his face and he fought to keep his breathing normal. 

“You’re not giving her up,” he said, surprisingly coolly. Katniss’s shoulders slumped and she shook her head.

“Damn it, I knew I should never have trusted Johanna.”

“Why would you say that to her and not to me? Don’t you think I deserve to know? Don’t you think I would want to know what you decide to do with our baby?” 

“I was going to tell you--“

“When? After you gave her away? You think I wouldn’t notice? You honestly believe I won’t be at the hospital with you, in the delivery room? What the hell is wrong with you, Katniss? Why in the HELL would you even think of doing something like that?”

“Because neither of us are ready,” she screamed, angry tears coursing down her cheeks. Peeta froze at her outburst, staring at her unsteadily. “Neither of us are prepared for this. We are too messed up and I don’t think it’s fair to expose a child to that kind of life. You may think we are doing the right thing, trying to show it love and raising it as our own but we would be fucking up its life worse than any Reaping. It will hear my screams at night, it will see your flashbacks during the day, and it will grow up in fear and anxiety and it will never be happy. WE will never be happy.” Peeta took a step back, looking as if she had just punched him. 

“If you honestly think that, then you’re right, you should give it away. Because I could never be with someone who looks at life as you do. As something to just accept and settle for. You have so many opportunities to be happy, Katniss, and you just threw them all away. I wish…I wish you had eaten those berries.” Katniss’s streaming eyes bulged, her face lost all color, and she started to sink to her knees. But she caught herself and shoved past him, the impact startling him and making him unsteady on his prosthetic.   
As soon as the words had escaped his lips, he felt dead inside. What was wrong with him? Why would he ever say words like that, words that caused him as much pain as they did her? He opened his mouth to apologize but she was taking off away from him and he knew he had to catch her. If he didn’t, he might lose her forever. He might already have. He ran after her, calling her name, pleading for her to stop but she never did. He found that he was having a hard time keeping up with her, his prosthetic leg slowing him down. He reached out and was able to grab her arm, intending to swing her around and make her listen to him but he never got the chance. Her palm swung out and slapped him across the face, making him stumble back and grip his cheek. He blinked and searched for her but she was long gone. Feeling like all hope was lost, he sank to his knees as his tears met the earth underneath him.


	19. Chapter 19

XIX.

The days went on and Katniss completely threw herself into training. She attended mockingjay meetings with Plutarch and Coin, she ran laps and attended every training session she could, often dragging Johanna with her. Her feet were healing well and she started to find the body she had when she had been training during the Quarter Quell. A small bump was starting to form as well, though she chose to ignore it.   
Johanna, Finnick, Haymitch, and even Gale begged for her to go see Peeta. His condition had worsened and he was now permanently stuck in his flashbacks. He still called her a capitol mutt, his eyes flashed when he would hear her name, and he was now having to go everywhere with his wrists chained and with guards by his side. If he entered the room while Katniss was still there, she would rush out and run as far away from the room as possible. Any time someone would try to talk to Katniss about it, she would become angry and would leave. Even Prim, whose advice Katniss had always cherished, was shot down by her own sister one day. 

“It is OVER between us, Prim! Why can’t anyone else see that?”

“Katniss, you’re having his baby--“

“No I’m not. It’s not his and it’s not mine. Only normal people fall in love and have babies. We’re not normal.”   
So Prim angrily stayed away from her sister for several days. The only people Katniss saw were her training team. They started to build an artificial Capitol block where they could train more thoroughly and Katniss never left Johanna’s side. 

Katniss was suffering even more from morning sickness and after several weeks of enduring it, Prim convinced her to tell their mother. 

Katniss sighed as she peered through the window of the medical room. Her mother was checking the vitals of one of the patients and Katniss bit her lip.

“Just tell her, Katniss,” Prim whispered behind her. Katniss pushed the door opened and peeked her head in.

“Um, Mom…do you have a minute?”

“Of course. I’ll be right there.” Katniss nodded and closed the door, turning back to Prim.

“How can I tell her this? How can I tell her…what happened?”

“You said the details were secret. So I’ll keep them secret. She’ll have something to say about you avoiding him though.”

“Prim--“

“Katniss I’m serious. I think you’re being stupid. You NEED to give this another chance.”

“I told you what he said-“

“I know, and I know he didn’t mean it. He is miserable without you, Katniss. You know if it were you taken by the Capitol, Peeta would be doing everything he could to get you back. And you’re just ignoring him. Blaming him for what the Capitol has done to him. When you showed him you loved him, he was getting better. He was able to deal with it and get past it. Now he just believes you’re a mutt because you haven’t given him reason to believe otherwise. You love him, Katniss. SHOW him you love him.” Katniss was about to reply when the door opened her mother walked out.

“Is everything ok,” she asked, eyeing her daughters and feeling the tension.

“No,” Prim said grumpily. “But there’s time for that later. Katniss needs to tell you something.” Their mother turned to Katniss, her blue eyes seeing straight into her daughter’s soul. Katniss tried to look up at her but found that she had Peeta’s eyes and quickly looked back at the floor.

“Mom, I…” she bit her lip and her mother waited patiently. Katniss found that she couldn’t do it and covered her face, sobbing into her hands. Sighing, her mother pulled her forward and wrapped her arms around her. 

“This baby is making you extremely hormonal,” she said quietly. Katniss jerked back, her eyes wide. 

“You…you know?”

“Katniss, honey, I’m a healer. I spotted it immediately. You’re growing in all the right places, you’re sick at all times of the day, your mood swings are intense and crazy, and you have been eating banana nut muffins at least twice a day. I knew weeks ago, I was just waiting for you to tell me.” Katniss bit her lip and sniffled.

“I’m sorry. I just…I just couldn’t. I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me.”

“Honey, why would I ever be ashamed of you? You are my daughter and I love you. I am extremely proud to be the mother of a Victor, of the Girl on Fire, of the   
Mockingjay. But most of all, I am proud to be YOUR mother, Katniss. You can do this, sweetheart. You’ll be just fine.” She nodded uncertainly and her mother smiled.

“Do you want something to help you with the sickness?”

“Please,” she said desperately. 

“I’ll bring you something tonight. I think it’s time for some tests to be run on that little one. How would you feel about an ultrasound this afternoon?” Her hands flew to her stomach.

“Isn’t that where…where I see it?”

“There won’t be much to see, since I’d say you’re at least six weeks along. But we can at least hear the heartbeat and make sure everything looks normal.” Katniss felt enormous relief wash over her. She may still resent her mother for some things but she was so grateful to have her by her side when she was going through all of this. Prim squeezed her hand and Katniss, heaving a great sigh, nodded. 

“Let’s do it.” 

 

Haymitch stood outside Peeta’s room, staring through the glass and sighing heavily. Things were starting to seem better until something big had happened between his two victors and now they weren’t even talking. Haymitch knew Katniss had not been to see him in weeks and his hijacking was worse than ever. The Capitol must be having a field day, he thought bitterly. He heard someone clear his throat and glanced sideways at Gale.

“How’s he doing?”

“Not good,” Haymitch muttered. “Mockingjay has been staying away.” 

“She won’t even tell me what happened between them. But she wants to hit me anytime I bring him up to her. I don’t understand why she’s being like this. I’ve never known Katniss to be this selfish.”

“Really? She’s always seemed pretty selfish to me.”

“She took her sister’s place in the Games. That was the most unselfish thing I have seen anyone do.”

“Yeah but Gale, come on. She’s always been a selfish girl. This doesn’t surprise me, that she’s shutting herself off from Peeta but when the baby comes, they are going to have to figure something out.” Gale closed his eyes. Haymitch didn’t know about Katniss’s decision. He shook his head and leaned into the glass.

“Katniss says she’s not keeping it.” Haymitch jerked around.

“The baby? When did she say that?”

“Weeks ago. She said they were too messed up and that she was going to find it a home. Peeta said he was going to go talk some sense into her. When we found Peeta, Katniss was gone and he was a sobbing mess. We took him back to his room and then he went into a flashback and just…stayed in it. She hasn’t seen him since. I don’t know what they said to each other but obviously it shook them both pretty badly.”

“Well if she told the boy she was giving their baby away, I’d expect him to completely lose his mind. She can’t make that decision alone.”

“I know,” Gale said sorrowfully. “Still, she did. She doesn’t want it and I don’t think she wants to be with Peeta anymore either.” Haymitch grunted.

“I don’t know about that. But she’s stubborn. She’s going to do what she thinks is right, even if it isn’t. If she thinks staying away from him will get him better, than she’s an idiot. And I don’t think she’s an idiot.”

“Neither do I. So, does she even care anymore?”

“Of course she cares. She still loves him, no matter what she says. But she’s focused on killing Snow and doesn’t have much room in her mind for anything else. Which disturbs me because that baby should be first in her thoughts.” 

“We’re almost ready to move in on the Capitol. Beetee is pretty sure he can figure out the design to make sure we aren’t surprised or anything.” Haymitch nodded, his   
eyes on Peeta through the glass, who continued to sketch with his chained hands. 

“Glad she’s not too far along in the pregnancy. Who knows, maybe with Snow finally gone, she’ll change her tune and want to try again with him. And with their baby.” Gale nodded but he didn’t agree. He knew Katniss, knew how stubborn she was. He didn’t think she would change her mind about this. He shook himself, remembering what he had come here for.

“Katniss’s mom is doing an ultrasound in a little bit. I thought you would like to know.” 

“You thought I would like to tell the boy.”

“Well, I think he deserves to know but based on his attitude toward Katniss lately, I doubt he’ll want to be there for it.”

“I doubt she’d want him to be there. Alright, I’ll be there in a moment. Where are you going?”

“To talk to Beetee and Finnick. Katniss just got invited into the Star Squad with the rest of us. We might be ready to leave soon. Johanna failed her assessment, I heard.” Haymitch nodded.

“They flooded the street. She panicked and had some kind of flashback. She’s under sedation now. At least Katniss passed.” Gale nodded and excused himself. Haymitch cast Peeta one last glance before he made his way to the examining rooms. 

 

Katniss was lying down in one of the beds, looking anxious while Prim and her mother set things up around her. Her eyes flew to Haymitch and her face softened.

“Haymitch,” she said weakly. He went to her and took her hand, holding it tightly, as he knew Peeta would do.

“We’re all here for you, sweetheart. We’ll all help you through this.” 

“Ok Katniss, I need you to relax for me. This won’t hurt a bit but it may be a little cold.” Her mother raised her shirt and spread thick gel that made her flinch. She relaxed and Prim handed her mother a device that looked sort of like a grocery store scanner. Katniss tensed again but Haymitch squeezed her hand. Katniss’s mother made gentle circular motions on her stomach with the device, and she seemed to be listening for something.

“Ah ha, there it is.” Katniss frowned.

“I don’t--“

“Listen.” Prim moved a screen closer and turned up the volume knob. It was faint but it was detectable and it made Katniss’s eyes well up with tears. The sound of a tiny little heartbeat. 

 

With comforting hugs and gentle kisses, Prim and her mother left Katniss alone with the screen. Haymitch stood awkwardly, not sure if he should go or not. Katniss’s eyes were glued to the screen, on the spot where they had told her it was her baby. 

“I miss him, Haymitch,” she finally said, almost in a whisper. He sighed and pulled his hands out of his pockets.

“He misses you too.”

“Liar. I’ve seen him with guards. He thinks I’m a filthy capitol mutt. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“You were making such progress, girl. I don’t understand why, all of a sudden, you retreat and abandon him when he needs you most.” Katniss tore her eyes away from the screen at last, and they were wide and glassy. 

“He told me he wishes I had eaten the berries in the Games,” she whispered. Haymitch frowned.

“You know that his hijacked state is programmed to say those things--“

“Yes but it wasn’t his hijacked state. It was his normal state. I never thought in my life I would hear words like that coming from my Peeta. And they did. They made me realize nothing will ever be the same between us. He’s gone. He’s gone and he’s never coming back.”

“This is bullshit, Katniss,” he said, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “So you had a fight, like all couples do. Big deal. It’s not the end of the world and I’m pretty sure he tried to chase after you to apologize right after he said it. You had just told him you were giving up his baby. He’s so excited about being a father and you told him you’re taking that chance away from him. How would YOU react?”

“I wouldn’t--“

“Put yourself in his place, Katniss. Imagine yourself as Peeta. He’s been in love with you since you were kids. You broke his heart time and time again during the Games and the Tour and all the bullshit you guys were put through afterwards. Then he finds out what he’s done to you…and he wants to die. But you tell him that you guys can move past this. That you can start a new life together. That you truly love him and want to be with him. So he works on getting better for his wife-to-be and his baby-to-be. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, that woman he loves tells him that he isn’t fit to be a father. After all the shit they put him through, I’m surprised he’s not catatonic. Damn it Katniss, you have to realize that your actions have consequences. You can’t just give up on him because you’ll be killing him if you do. Deep down is the same Peeta that you fell in love with. But you’re the only one who can find him and bring him back. Ignoring him is not going to make anything better, it’s not going to make his flashbacks go away. Only your love can help him now.” Katniss had hidden her face in her arms and Haymitch watched her warily. He didn’t do well with crying and Katniss had done it a lot in his presence. He sighed and reached out, gripping her shoulders.

“Come on, Katniss. You can still fix this. You can bring him back. Just tell him you miss him. Tell him you love him. Make him see that you can do this together.”

“I’m not sure we can,” she said, sniffling. “HOW can we Haymitch?”

“You let the people around you help you and you figure it out TOGETHER. You aren’t making decisions as a couple, and that’s what you are now. You know it pisses him off when we leave him out of plans. Just like we did on the Victory Tour. In the Quarter Quell. We have been making decisions without him for ages and I’m sure he’s tired of it. So include him in your plans. He’s your fiancé after all.”

“We’re not--“

“Don’t lie to yourself, Katniss. You two are still together. Just remind yourself of that. Hell, LOOK at the screen. See what you two have created together. What you can look forward to in your future.” Katniss glanced at the screen then back at him. Her lip trembled but she managed a weak smile.

“You’re a pretty good mentor, you know.”

“I try. Especially when it comes to you kids. Why don’t you go see him?” 

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Try.” And with that, he left. Katniss glanced one more time at the screen, then with a heavy sigh, she forced herself up and out of the hospital room. 

She trudged along the hallway, stopping to wave at Finnick and Annie, who were joined hand in hand and were walking out toward the training field. Finnick had been accepted into the Star Squad as well. Katniss didn’t know how Annie felt about him leaving but she knew he wanted Snow dead as much as she did.   
She stopped in front of the room and took a deep breath. Pushing the door open, she saw that he wasn’t restrained. In fact, he looked quite normal, as he was sketching something on a sheet of paper, his look of concentration intense and his tongue sticking out to the side, his brow furrowed slightly. It took him a moment to realize someone had entered the room and when he looked up, his eyes widened. Katniss stayed near the door, unsure of how to approach him.

“Hi,” she said tentatively.

“Hi,” he replied, watching her warily. She edged closer but saw him tense and she stopped. He had lowered the paper and her eyes were drawn to it. He had sketched her; it must have been from the Games, for she was quite skinny and her ribs were sticking out in places. Her face was dirty and her eyes were tired and sad. But she held her bow with a strong grip and a look of determination was sketched onto her face. After a thought, she decided that it may be from just a few days ago. She supposed this was how she might look to people now as well. Not much like a Victor or a Mockingjay. 

“What are you doing here,” his voice snapped her out of it and she bit her lip.

“I um…I wanted to see you.”

“Ok. You saw me. You can go now.” Her heart sank. She didn’t know what she expected but she hoped that he might return to normal when she walked into the room.   
No such luck. She hesitantly walked closer and he jerked backwards.

“Just…stop. Don’t come any closer. Please.” He held up his hands for a moment before letting them drop to his side. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me,” she said softly.

“I don’t know that. I have been asking about you for weeks and they told me you didn’t want to see me. What the hell happened, Katniss? You told me you would help me remember. Then you just abandon me. And you wonder why I don’t trust you.” 

“You said something to me, Peeta. Something that…well, that completely broke my heart. I never thought I would hear you say something like it. It took me by surprise and I couldn’t face you after that. I’m sorry that I stayed away.”

“Me too. So what did I say?” She looked at the floor and sighed.

“I don’t think I can repeat it.”

“Then just go. I don’t need this. I want the girl who loved me and was determined to help me. Not this self-pitying selfish girl in front of me.” Her head snapped up, her jaw dropped.

“I am NOT self-pitying! You basically told me you wished I were dead, Peeta! How do you think that makes me feel?”

“Don’t be stupid, Katniss! How many times do I need to tell you that I love you? Even if I’m not sure WHY I love you, I know that I do. My heart starts to race whenever you’re around. If I said anything like that, I didn’t mean it. My head and my heart are telling me different things and it’s making me insane. You said you would help me! So help!”

“What do you want me to say, Peeta?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen you in weeks,” he paused for a moment, his face softening. “How’s the baby?” 

“It’s fine,” she said dismissively. He nodded.

“And you’re still thinking of giving it up?” She frowned.

“You remember that?”

“Katniss, I was hijacked, I’m not two different people. Yes, I remember. I remember you telling me that we aren’t fit to be parents.”

“I never said--“

“Not in so many words but that’s what you mean. Is that how you really feel?”

“I don’t--“

“Real or not real, Katniss. You think I’d make a bad father.”

“Not real,” she said delicately.

“You still want to marry me, real or not real?”

“Real.”

“You still want children with me, real or not real?”

“I…maybe later but--“

“Real or not real, Katniss?”

“Real…not real. Not right now anyway.”

“You think you’d make a bad mother, real or not real?”

“Real.” His face softened.

“Why?”

“I’m not cut out to be a mother. I never wanted children.”

“That’s crazy. You’ll make an amazing mother. Look at the way you protect people. Prim and your mom and me and Gale and Haymitch and the people in District 12.” She shook her head, fighting back the tears.

“I failed, Peeta. I failed so many people. I let District 12 burn. I let people die. I let them take you and destroy you. I can’t fail my child like that.” 

“Katniss,” he said, his voice hard but his eyes soft. He approached her and gripped her shoulders, “Katniss look at me. None of that is your fault. The stuff they showed me in the Capitol…I know it was a lie. The doctors here have been reversing my hijacking and I’m still struggling to understand what was real and what wasn’t but I know you can’t have done those things because you really do have a loving heart. You can’t blame yourself for these things, they’re not your fault. Things will be different for our baby. We’ll make things different. I promise.” She wanted to lean forward and kiss him but he was still staying at a certain distance and when she touched his arm, he pulled away. Their eyes met and Katniss prayed that they would turn blue and clear. But they never did. Sighing, she backed away and felt the door behind her.

“I’d better go. It was good seeing you.”

“You too,” he nodded. “Stop by again soon, if you’re feeling up to it. Take care of our baby.” Her eyes widened at his words but she nodded, her hands covering her stomach. 

“See you later, Peeta.”


	20. Chapter 20

XX. 

Katniss passed by Johanna’s room and peered in, groaning at the sight of the defeated victor. She was slim and frail and her eyes were wide and panicked. Katniss hurried outside and glanced around before she disappeared into the woods, only for a moment, emerging with a handful of fragrant pine needles. She went back inside and slipped into one of her old rooms, finding it empty. She searched the shelves until she found sturdy bandages, and she quickly bound the pine needles together.   
When she was finished, she went back to Johanna’s room and knocked quietly. Johanna’s wide eyes followed her as she entered, immediately drifting down to the bundle in her hands.

“What is that?”

“I made it…for you. Something to put into your drawer when you go back to the bunker. Smell it.” She lowered her nose and inhaled, a look of longing passing over her face.

“Smells like home.” Katniss saw the tears form and she nodded.

“That’s what I was hoping, you being from 7 and all. Remember when we first met? You were a tree. Well, briefly.” Johanna chuckled.

“Your face when I stripped down! I kept shooting winks at Peeta but he was having none of it. He wouldn’t even look away from my eyes. Man he was whipped.” Katniss couldn’t help but grin. 

“I guess I can say I was jealous of you.”

“Don’t be, brainless. He’s always only had eyes for you. That will never change. No matter what’s happened to him, he’ll always love you.”  
Suddenly, she was gripping Katniss’s wrist tightly and her eyes grew serious.

“You have to kill him, Katniss,” she pleaded.

“Don’t worry.”

“Swear it! On something you care about!”

“I swear it. On my life.”

“No, on your family’s life. On Peeta’s life.” Katniss swallowed but nodded.

“On his life.” It felt wrong, swearing on Peeta’s life when so much had been taken from him. Katniss’s face burned with shame but Johanna didn’t notice and she released her. Katniss frowned.

“Why do you think I’m going anyway, brainless?” Johanna chuckled and shrugged.

“I just needed to hear it.” She buried her nose into the pine needles again and tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. 

“I went to see him,” Katniss said quietly and Johanna’s head jerked up.

“And?”

“I mean, I just went to see him. What else do you want?”

“Did you talk? Did he come back to you? Did he--?” she trailed off, seeing Katniss shake her head sadly.

“I think he’s gone, Johanna. I don’t know how to bring him back.” 

“We’ve all been telling you for weeks to go talk to him! Why did you stay away from him, Katniss? When you know you’re the only one who can help him?”

“I told him we’re too messed up for this. He told me he wishes I had eaten the berries. Everything happened so fast, I just had to leave and I couldn’t bear to see him after that. I know…in my heart that he didn’t mean it but the fact is, he said it and that right there tells me everything has changed. My Peeta would never say anything like that. But he did and I…I just remembered how I had failed him. How he is changed because of me.”

“Oh come on Katniss, you’ve both changed! The Games CHANGES people. No one but victors can understand that, so don’t expect them to. You guys can work this out, I know you can. Treat it like the Arena. And two of you get to leave. You have to depend on each other to get out of there alive.”

“I don’t think I can think of life as more Games,” she said quietly. Johanna rolled her eyes.

“You don’t ever leave the Games, brainless. You of all people should know that. I’ve been mentoring kids for years, watching them die, and then I had to go back into the Arena again. It NEVER leaves you. So use it. Control your emotions and think about what life will be like without Peeta. I guarantee you, you’re not going to like it.” 

“I know that.” Katniss fell silent and Johanna went back to sniffing at her pine needles. 

“When do you get to come home?”

“Home is such a relative term,” Johanna said sadly. “But I’m not sure. I’ve got a doctor watching me 24/7 and I’m talking to a head doctor even more now. Apparently they’re afraid I’ll do something stupid like off myself. Could a Victor really do that?” 

“Yeah, they could,” Katniss said softly. Johanna’s eyes narrowed at her for a moment before she shook her head.

“You should probably get out of here, mockingjay. I’m sure you have somewhere more important to be.” 

“Take care, Johanna.” She squeezed the victor’s frail hand before leaving the room.

 

The next morning, Katniss’s dark tattoo said that she had a mockingjay meeting in twenty minutes. After a quick shower and a banana nut muffin, she hurried along to the Control Center, where Finnick, Gale, Haymitch, Plutarch, Boggs, Coin and many of the other training team were standing around talking. Plutarch immediately launched into an explanation of how the Capitol was set up, pressing buttons and showing them holograms of the plans. Katniss’s jaw dropped as she stared at it and felt Finnick tense beside her.

“Ladies and gentleman,” he said very quietly.

“Let the Seventy-sixth Hunger Games begin!” Katniss’s voice echoed around the room and everyone stared at the two victors with raised brows. Katniss quickly laughed, which Finnick joined in on, to ease the tension. They moved close to the hologram as Plutarch continued to talk and they examined the pods, as Plutarch called them, the lights that represented different obstacles designed to trap and kill. It was like the Arena all over again. Fully loaded, controlled by the Game-Makers, just waiting for the chance to finish you off in front of the whole world. Katniss felt sick but she forced herself to remain where she was and listen to Plutarch’s and Coin’s speeches. When Plutarch announced that the Star-Squad had been selected for a special mission, there was a murmur of interest until the mission was revealed. Then there was anger and dissent.

“What you’re saying is, we won’t be in actual combat,” Gale said angrily. Plutarch went on to explain that they would be most useful on TV rather than on the front line. 

“Whatever,” Gale rolled his eyes. “When do we ship out?”

“Tomorrow at sunrise.” Katniss’s eyes widened and she and Finnick traded looks. They were dismissed and they walked out of the hallway together, Finnick shaking his head.

“What do I tell Annie?”

“That you’ll see her after all of this is over. You don’t have to tell her the details, Finnick. She knows what we’re going to do.”

“If she sees that hologram though--“

“She won’t. It’s classified information. Haymitch will watch over her, don’t worry.” He glanced sideways at her.

“Are you going to tell Peeta?”

“Why would I? So he can worry? Which I don’t think he will, his hijacked state can’t stand the sight of me and that’s all that’s to him now.” 

“Katniss don’t think like that. Why do you think he’s really gone? He’s just--“

“He is, Finnick. I have to go pack. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” He sighed as he watched her walk off, shaking his head and feeling heartache for both of his friends. 

 

The next morning, Katniss’s family awoke with her to see her off. They held in their tears as Katniss shouldered the high-teach bow that Beetee had made for her and she turned to them, her face like stone. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be perfectly safe. I’m not even a real soldier. Just one of Plutarch’s televised puppets.” Her mother pulled her into her arms and pressed something into her hands.

“Pre-natal vitamins. I want you to take these three times a day and try to eat some protein.” Katniss restrained from rolling her eyes.

“Mom you know we’re going to war. I don’t think I’ll have the luxury of just going to the store and picking up some meat.”

“You are pregnant, Katniss. Try as hard as you can to keep that baby alive.” Her mother’s words and tone surprised her. She knew her mother disagreed with her being out there but the fact that she had not included Katniss in her plea to keep alive, hurt her more than she thought it would.   
Prim took Katniss’s hand and they walked to the doors.

“Please take care of yourself, Katniss. And the baby. Both of you come back home, safe and sound. Peeta and I will be waiting for you both.” Katniss tried to smile but found she couldn’t.

“I’m just glad you’re somewhere safe where Snow can’t get to you.” 

“Stop worrying about me. Next time we see each other, we’ll be free of him.” Katniss pulled her sister into the tightest hug and didn’t want to let go. Prim pulled away and searched Katniss’s eyes.

“You didn’t tell Peeta you were leaving, did you?”

“I can’t handle the goodbyes, Prim. I don’t know if he would tell me to be safe or snarl for me to get gone already. I can’t handle the thought. Please tell him…tell him I love him, alright?” Prim nodded and Katniss swiftly kissed her cheek before she swept out. Prim watched her climb into the hovercraft, and just like that, just like the first two Hunger Games, her sister was gone. 

 

Four days passed and not a lot had happened. The Star-Squad was pitched up in tents in the rebel encampment, while Boggs and the others practically searched for things for Katniss to do. Cressida, who was in charge of the film team, asked for Katniss to dress in her mockingjay uniform, the one that Cinna had designed before his death, and film a few propos to show the rebels that she was still fighting for them. But when Katniss tried to zip it up, she found it difficult to do over her protruding belly. Cressida’s eyes widened in realization but she said nothing, deciding that her Star-Squad uniform would do just fine. 

The team worked their way through the empty streets of the Capitol, searching for pods and being extremely wary. Boggs showed them all the Holo, a sort of glorified map that showed them all the streets and pods and could be activated by a specific commander’s voice giving his or her name. Once it's working, it responds   
to the other voices in the squadron so if, say, Boggs were killed or severely disabled, someone could take over. If anyone in the squad repeated "nightlock" three times in a row, the Holo would explode, blowing everything in a five- yard radius sky-high. This is for security reasons in the event of capture. Katniss and Finnick traded uneasy glances but it was ‘understood’ that everyone would be ready to do this. 

During one of their explorations of the streets, one of the Leeg twins (Katniss couldn’t really tell them apart so she called them Leeg 1 and Leeg 2) hit an unmarked pod, which unleashed metal darts. One of them found her brain and she was dead before she hit the ground. Plutarch didn’t seem to distressed and promised a prompt replacement soldier.   
The next evening as everyone was sitting around the fire, they heard the rumble of a train and Boggs jumped to his feet.

“That should be our new member. Stay here, troops. Stay alert.” Jackson, Boggs’s second-in-command, grabbed her gun and held it close. When Boggs appeared he was leading someone and he did not look happy. Finnick’s jaw dropped and Gale let out a low swear. Katniss was stunned into silence. Boggs stopped in front of the fire and cleared his throat.

“Squad 451, this is Soldier Peeta Mellark. Soldier Jackson, would you mind, ah, showing him around for a moment while I just go confirm this with President Coin?” Peeta’s face was eerily calm.

“I told you, she assigned me herself. Said the propos needed some heating up.” His eyes fell on Katniss and she swallowed. In all reality, she hadn’t expected to ever see him again. From the moment she had seen the holograph she decided that she was not coming home from the Capitol and was determined to carry out two deeds before her death: find and kill Snow and have someone save the baby. But now here he was and from the look he was giving her, she may not make it to the Capitol to destroy Snow.


	21. Chapter 21

XXI.

Boggs stomped back into the camp and everyone stared at him warily. He snapped at Jackson to set up a two-person round the clock guard on Peeta. 

“And don’t even think of trying anything,” he snarled at Peeta. Peeta crossed his arms, his face impassive.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Katniss swallowed and Boggs gestured for her to follow him. 

When they were away from the others, Boggs whirled around and found Katniss’s wide eyes on him.

“She wants me dead.”

“Soldier Everdeen, that’s not--“

“He’ll kill me, Boggs. Especially here, where there are so many bad memories to set him off.”

“I’ll keep him contained, Katniss.” 

“Why does Coin want me dead now?”

“She denies she does.” 

“But YOU know better.” Boggs shook his head.

“Here’s as much as I know. The president doesn't like you. She never did. It was Peeta she wanted rescued from the arena, but no one else agreed. It made matters worse when you forced her to give the other victors immunity. But even that could be overlooked in view of how well you've performed. What it really is…well, sometime in the near future, this war will be resolved. A new leader will be chosen. I’m not saying it will be you but think about this. You'll throw support to someone. Would it be President Coin? Or someone else?" 

"I don't know. I've never thought about it.” 

"If your immediate answer isn't Coin, then you're a threat. You're the face of the rebellion. You may have more influence than any other single person. Outwardly, the most you've ever done is tolerated her."

“So…she’ll kill me to shut me up? She’ll make me a martyr? You think that would work, for the rebellion?” Her heart sank when she saw his eyes flick downwards. 

"She doesn't really need you as a rallying point now. As she said, your primary objective, to unite the districts, has succeeded and these current propos could be done without you. There's only one last thing you could do to add fire to the rebellion. Give us a martyr to fight for.”   
Katniss swallowed, feeling sick again. She hadn’t eaten much in the past few days so she wondered what on earth she could throw up. Her hand went to her belly and she said a silent apology to her child. 

“But I’m not going to let that happen, Katniss. I plan on you having a long life. You deserve it. Come on, let’s get back.”   
When they returned, Peeta was pitching his tent and Jackson was making notes on her clipboard.

“What time is my watch?” Katniss asked. Jackson blinked.

“I didn’t put you in the rotation.”

“And why not?”

“Because I know you wouldn’t shoot Peeta.” 

“Shoot him? Why would we shoot him?”

“If it came down to him killing you, your life comes first, Soldier Everdeen.” That only angered Katniss.

“Put me on the damn rotation!” 

“Midnight to four. You’re on with me,” Jackson said with a shake of her head. Nodding, Katniss turned away to find her path blocked by Gale.

“Do you want me to kill him?”

“Shut up Gale,” she said angrily, shoving past him. She was again blocked, this time by Cressida, and she huffed impatiently.

“What now?”

“Take a walk with me, Katniss,” she said pleasantly. Katniss reluctantly followed her down the sloping hill, away from camp. Cressida looked around to make sure they weren’t being watched and she leaned in closer.

“Look Katniss, I have a huge dilemma here. A pregnant Victor of the Hunger Games is big news by itself. But a pregnant Victor of the Hunger Games who is also leading the rebellion as the Mockingjay…that could be the biggest break of my life.” Katniss’s mouth had gone dry and she tried to swallow.

“I don’t…I don’t know what you’re--“

“Don’t play dumb, Katniss, it’s not very becoming. Your Mockingjay uniform that Cinna designed doesn’t even fit. Strange, only certain parts of you are starting to grow despite your conditions and turmoil. If Coin heard about it, you would be a serious target. If Plutarch heard, he would exploit you and your child and you would never be left alone, for the rest of your lives.” Katniss felt her knees weaken and she wished someone would just descend upon her and kill her now. Cressida was a serious film director and would do about anything for her stories. She had followed Katniss and Gale and the others up to the roof when they had shot down the hovercrafts in 8. She was staring at the ground and saw Cressida’s pointed-toe shoes shift in the dirt.

“But I’ve gotten to know you, Katniss, and I never realized how sad you really were. Truly, when I watched you in the Games, I knew your story was different but I didn’t really understand why you isolated yourself. I have come to respect you and care for you. And I would hate to see you harmed in any way. Which is why I will keep your secret. I do, however, ask a favor of you. After you defeat the Capitol and you start to show, you will let me be the first to interview you about the pregnancy.” It was only fair, Katniss decided, and she started to nod but bit her lip, thinking about her previous decision.

“If I’m alive, Cressida…of course you can be the first with the story.”

“What does that mean? You’re not even going into battle.”

“I’m going to be the one to kill Snow, Cressida. I made up my mind when I left District 13 that I would do everything in my power to bring down the Capitol and to lead the rebels to victory. Even if that means my life. I didn’t even say goodbye to Peeta, because I realized that I wasn’t coming back to him. I’m not expecting to survive this.” 

“You’re a survivor, Katniss. We learned that in the Hunger Games. You will survive this. And when it’s all over, you and Peeta can try to have a normal life, with your child.” Katniss swallowed and her hands went to her stomach, just as it began to growl. She could practically hear her child begging for food. Cressida’s eyes flicked downwards then back up at her.

“I’ll meet you back at camp.” And with that, she was gone.   
Katniss trudged back into camp and found the others chatting around the fire, roasting something on a long stick. Peeta was playing the rope that Finnick had given him, tying and retying knots, and he shot Katniss a look when she sat down a little ways from him.

“Here Katniss, you should eat something,” Gale said quietly, moving closer to her. But Katniss saw there was barely enough food for them all and she shook her head.

“You eat. I’m fine.”

“Katniss,” Gale said firmly. 

“Leave it. I’m not hungry.” Finnick shook his head but said nothing as the rest of the squad was watching. Cressida returned, her arms full of something and she sat a huge leaf in front of Katniss. Gale stared at the fish and berries on the leaf.

“Where the hell did you find that?”

“I have sources,” Cressida said with a shrug, and she winked at Katniss before she retreated into her tent. Katniss devoured the fish and popped the cool blackberries in her mouth. Gale relaxed when he saw her eat and he finished his own meal in silence. Finnick rose and took a leaf of food to Peeta. Peeta shook his head but Finnick gave him a pointed look and pushed the food closer. Peeta succumbed to his hunger and ate as well. After everyone was finished, people started to retreat into their tents. Jackson loudly asked that Peeta sleep out in the open, just for the night at least, and he grudgingly agreed. Katniss sighed as she disappeared into her tent, once again frustrated that this was how they were treating him. Like a prisoner. Like something dangerous. Granted, he could be dangerous to Katniss but she honestly believed that he wouldn’t hurt her. As she pulled the tent flap back, she cast one last look at Peeta, who had his knees pulled into his chest and he was leaning his chin against his knees, frantically tying knots. Katniss stifled a sob and disappeared into her tent.

 

The next morning was an early one and Cressida insisted they find some breakfast before they ventured into the streets. Katniss wondered if Cressida was more interested in a healthy baby for her headlines or because she genuinely cared about her. Cressida had mysteriously returned to camp with a few eggs and a few more berries. Katniss pressed two of the vitamins into her mouth and swallowed them down with a swig of water. Seeing the berries in her palm sent her into a wave of panic and she frantically looked over at Peeta, who was adjusting the strap of his gun. The watch last night had been miserable. Peeta had barely spoken two words to her and she had tried to play the ‘real, not real’ game with him but he had ignored her for most of the time. She hadn’t slept and she had some serious bags under her eyes. Well, at least they wouldn’t want to shoot propos with her looking like that, she decided. She still had a handful of berries left so she went over to Peeta and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned, his brow raised and he waited for her to say something. She was silent as she took his hand and transferred the berries to his palm. He looked down quickly then looked back at her and she gave him a small smile before she returned to her tent to retrieve her things. 

It had been a long and uneventful day when the squad trudged back to camp. Several of the pods had been activated but luckily no one had been injured. Katniss collapsed next to Finnick and gratefully accepted the jerkey he offered her. Sighing, they ate their little meal in silence as they stared at the flickering flames in front of them.

“It’s a bit too much like the Games for my taste,” Finnick said quietly. Katniss glanced sideways at him and saw most of his face was hidden in shadow.

“We’re on the move, to escape the other tributes or we are sitting around, waiting for the Game-Maker’s next move. But you know that final time, that moment when you have to move in and kill or be killed, will come soon. When do we attack the Capitol? When do we move in on Snow?”

“It’s stupid to think we have a shot at Snow while there are still Peacekeepers and enemies all around,” Jackson snapped. “We have to make sure the area is clear, we have to let the rebels clear the city and then we will have our shot. Patience, Soldier Odair.”

“Patience,” Finnick snorted. “No one knows patience more than victors. You have to be patient and just wait. Wait to die. Wait to live. Wait to kill. Wait to be killed. Wait wait wait.” 

“Try doing all that waiting in a dark cell with your friends being tortured around you,” Peeta spoke up from behind them. Everyone whirled around to find him staring into the flames, the burning evident in his dark eyes. “It’s just like the arena. All you can do is wait. Except at least in the arena, you can move around. You can partially control your fate. In the cell, if someone decided to beat the shit out of you with pipes, you couldn’t stop it. If they wanted to carve you like a turkey, you couldn’t stop it. And the screaming. The screaming is so close. Like right beside you. And you have no power to help them.” His fingers flexed nervously and Finnick moved to sit beside him, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Here,” he handed Peeta a long piece of rope and Peeta’s hands immediately started to make knots. He tore his eyes away from the flames and looked around at everyone, seeming surprised that they were all staring at him. His eyes rested on Pollux, one of Cressida’s cameramen and his face softened.

“You're an Avox, aren't you? I can tell by the way you swallow. There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads. They'd been our servants in the Training Center, so they arrested them, too. I watched them being tortured to death. She was lucky. They used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. It took days to finish him off. Beating, cutting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn't speak, he just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, you know? They wanted me to see it." Katniss felt sick and felt Gale’s eyes on her. He remembered. Long ago, while they had been in the woods, they had watched a boy and a girl being taken by the Capitol. Years later, she had encountered the girl when she and Peeta had arrived in the Capitol for the first Games. Now they finally knew her name. Katniss excused herself and walked a ways away from everyone, leaning over to throw up in the bushes. She shakily wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and returned to the fire. Peeta and Gale both watched her sharply as she sat back down and didn’t say a word. Finnick draped his arm around her shoulder.

“You should get some rest, little mockingjay. You look terrible.”

“You don’t look much better, Odair,” she fired back but he smiled and pushed her toward her tent. She felt everyone’s eyes on her as she closed the flap behind her. Great. Everyone was thinking she was weak. She would NOT appear weak to them. She would find a way to redeem herself in the morning.


	22. Chapter 22

XXII.

The jabberjays swooped in and out, bringing those torturous cries with them. Katniss tried to cover her ears but Prim’s screams echoed inside her brain. She ran as fast as she could toward Peeta, whose face was covered with terror and worry. She ran headlong into a solid barrier and she screamed for him. His hands came up and pressed against the forcefield, his eyes wide with horror. He was yelling something but she couldn’t hear. All she could hear were the screams that were swallowing up the arena. Prim’s. Gale’s. Her mother’s. She beat against the forcefield, pressing her nails into it desperately as Peeta tried to get to her.   
“Katniss, it’s not real! It’s not real,” he was screaming, fighting to get to her.   
“Peeta! PEETA!” Their eyes met for a moment and his heart tore at how petrified she was. The jabberjays suddenly swooped in and brought her new screams. Pained cries of a young man. It was crying her name, sobbing for her to help him. As her wide eyes met his again, she watched as he was yanked back by a mutt who proceeded to rip him apart. His cries were the loudest in her ears.

 

She sat up, screaming, her shirt drenched in sweat. The flap of the tent opened and she thought just for a moment it would be the person who had always come running at the sounds of her screams. She looked up into Gale’s concerned face and she sighed.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine, it was just a nightmare.” He watched her for a moment, cocking his head.

“I made some hot chocolate. Care for some?” She followed him back to the fire and accepted the steaming mug.

“Where did you get chocolate,” she asked as she blew on the edge of the cup.

“Boggs and Mitchell came back from searching some of the houses. They’ve all been evacuated so they brought back some of their food. It’s been keeping me awake.” She tasted it and winced as it burned her tongue. Sighing, she brought the mug to her cheek and took in the steam. Gale was still staring at her.

“I hadn’t realized how alike you two are.” She looked quickly at him, frowning.

“Who?” He jerked his head behind them and Katniss could hear the moans coming from the tent. 

“We’ve both been through a lot. We went through a lot together and then he went through even more in the Capitol.” He nodded.

“I think…I can understand now. I’d never really be able to understand what you experienced. I could comfort you, sure, but I don’t really know what’s going on inside your head. You and he are pretty evenly matched.” She didn’t say anything, moving her eyes back to the fire. Peeta’s moans were getting louder and he was starting to pant heavily. She caught words like “no” and “please” and she squeezed her eyes shut. 

“Leave her alone!” His panicked command made her jump and she nearly spilled the chocolate. 

“Bet he’s dreaming of that girl. Lavinia? Do you think we could have saved her?”

“We would have wound up where she did,” Katniss replied in a dead voice. “But we should have tried.” Gale sighed and drank quietly. Katniss took a sip and winced at Peeta’s cries. Remembering what had always calmed her down during her nightmares, she set the mug down and rose to her feet in the direction of his tent.

“Katniss,” Gale said warningly.

“You’re right here, right outside. If I need you I’ll scream.” Without another word, she opened the flap of the tent and slid inside.  
Peeta was tossing and turning on his mat, his blonde locks damp and his face pale. Katniss stood over him, watching him for a moment, suddenly questioning if she should be here or not. 

“Please,” he whimpered. “Please just leave her alone! Just stop it!” She knelt to her knees beside him, reaching out a hand toward him and freezing when she heard her name.

“Katniss! Please, don’t hurt her! I love her. Katniss! KATNISS!” He was watching her die, just as she had watched him. Her hand pushed back his hair and moved down to caress his face.

“Katniss,” he said pleadingly.

“I’m here, Peeta. I’m right here. Not real. Not real. None of this is real. You’re safe…we’re both safe.” He started to nuzzle against her palm and she moved her other hand to his face. Very slowly, she leaned down and kissed his forehead. He stopped thrashing around, his face relaxing, his fists unclenching, She planted sweet kisses all over his face, his head, his nose, and finally his lips. She started to pull back but he lifted his head and followed her, his hands lifting up to wrap around her shoulders and neck and bringing her back down to him. She knelt between his legs, gripping his face with both hands as their kisses grew more passionate. He gently tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth, causing her to gasp and his tongue slid into her open mouth. One of his hands moved to grip her hair, then moved down to rest against her cheek. When Katniss pulled back and opened her eyes, they met a pair of startling blue ones that were hazy and tired.

“Katniss,” he breathed, one of his fingers drifting over his lips.

“I’m here,” she said simply. He leaned up and took her face into his hands, pulling her in for another kiss. It felt like the cave all over again, with him dying underneath her and her completely unsure of her feelings toward him. This time he broke the kiss and he pressed his forehead to hers.

“You left me,” he said in a pained whisper. 

“I had to,” she said softly. “I have to kill him. For what he’s done. For what he’s done to you.”

“You know I would never leave your side. Why did you leave me? You didn’t even say goodbye.” His eyes were welling with tears and she started to look away but he gripped her face again and forced her to look at him. 

“You didn’t say goodbye,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head and lowered his hand to her stomach. She glanced down at where his hand rested and brought hers up to cover his.

“You think I’d make a terrible father.” Her head shot up at his weak words and she shook her head.

“Not real. Not real at all, Peeta. You will make a wonderful father.”

“Then why won’t you give me that chance?” 

“Because she needs a father AND a mother. And I won’t make a good one.”

“How can you say that,” he gasped in disbelief as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “You are the most loving person I know.” 

“I may be many things but I don’t think I’m very loving.” He leaned up and wrapped his arms around her neck, bringing her closer and tugging her into his lap. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he groaned when she pressed against him. 

“You love me,” he said against her lips. “After all that we’ve been through, after all that has happened, after all that I’ve done. You still love me. Real or not real?” 

“Real,” she said breathily and he wasted no time in claiming her lips again. His hands slid underneath her shirt and gripped her waist before his fingers climbed up and ran along the expanse of her back. Likewise, Katniss’s fingers tugged at his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Her palms met the taut sinew of his back and she planted kisses on his shoulder and collarbone. Peeta groaned and his fingers found the clasp of her bra, having it undone in seconds. He tore his lips from hers to lift the shirt over her head, then pulled the bra down her arms. His wide eyes drinking in their fill of her, one of his hands moved to grip her hair while the other went to her breasts. She leaned forward to kiss him again and he leaned her back onto the mat, her legs still wrapped around his waist. His hand moved down from her heaving breasts, over her belly, down to the waistband of her pants. One of his fingers slid past the waist and made a path of scorching heat. He leaned down and dipped his tongue into her belly button, his lips stopping at the button of her pants and he slowly undid them, pulling them down. He went excruciatingly slow, every time he inched them down a bit more, he would plant a kiss on the skin he exposed. Katniss tossed her head, lost in pleasure.

“Peeta,” she whimpered. “Please!” 

“Can I at least have a moment to admire your beauty? You’ve already seen me, remember?” She tossed her head and he grinned up at her before kissing her pelvic bone and dragging his tongue down her slit. She let out a stifled cry before stuffing her fist into her mouth. Peeta’s tongue dove into her and her hips lifted to meet his mouth. She whimpered his name loudly and he reached up and grabbed his pillow from the cot. She grabbed it from him and stuffed it over her face, screaming against the cloth.

“Don’t suffocate yourself,” he said from between her legs. He grinned and went back to his work and Katniss tossed her head back. She let out a muffled ‘fuck’ which made Peeta only increase the pressure. Her legs came up around his head, trapping him and he held her down by the ankles. His teeth brushed against that little bundle of nerves that was her downfall and she screamed into the pillow. His fingertips dug into her legs as he spread her wide open, his mouth bringing her to the most glorious completion she’d ever felt and she screamed his name long and hard against the pillow. Peeta kissed his way up her thighs, her belly, her breasts, and then finally he clutched the pillow and pulled it away from her sweaty face. He grinned down at her, never having seen anything so beautiful. 

“I can’t move,” she said weakly, turning her head away. He kissed her throat and chuckled lightly.

“No one said you had to.”

“Peeta--“

“Katniss,” she heard someone hissing her name. “You ok in there?”

“Yes,” she hissed back. 

“Your watch is about to start,” Finnick whispered and Katniss groaned. She tried to sit up but Peeta kept her trapped with his body.

“It’s nearly midnight. I have to stand guard.”

“Can’t you guard me from here,” he said with a smile against her lips. 

“We’re both screwed if they find out what we’re doing. Hand me my clothes.” He reluctantly passed her her shirt and pants and she quickly dressed, jumping to her feet. She started to open the tent flap but changed her mind and leaned up to kiss him. His hands wrapped in her hair as he pulled her closer.

“I missed you,” he said against her lips.

“Don’t leave me again,” she said, bringing her hand up to fist his curls. 

“I’ll always come back to you, Katniss. Always.” She kissed him one last time before hurrying out of the tent. Gale and Finnick watched her, their brows raised. She cleared her throat.

“He was just, um, just having a nightmare. I tried to calm him down.” 

“I bet you did,” Finnick said, chuckling. Katniss shot him a glare and accepted the gun Gale handed her. He cupped her chin for just a moment.

“Be careful,” he said quietly before he went back to his own tent. Katniss frowned after him. Careful of what? Being alone with Peeta? Guarding her heart? Guarding the baby? She wasn’t sure which one he was talking about but she sighed as she sat next to Finnick. He grinned and nudged her with his shoulder.

“I traded watch with Jackson so it’s just you and me. Go on back in there if you want.”

“It’s fine, Finnick, I just--“

“Katniss. I know how rare it is to find a moment to yourselves. If he’s come back to you and you two can have this night together, don’t waste it. We don’t know how many nights we have left. I’d give anything to hold Annie right now.” She glanced at him and saw the longing in his face, the sadness in his eyes.

“Besides, I can live vicariously through your sex life,” he said, nudging her again. 

“Ugh, Finnick Odair,” she scolded him while he cackled wildly. “Really, I am pregnant right now!”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t have sex, Katniss. Wow little mockingjay, you have so much to learn.” 

“I refuse to discuss this with you,” she said, jumping to her feet and walking back to Peeta’s tent. He shot her a wink and a nod.

“I’ll let you know if anyone is coming. Have fun.” She rolled her eyes before disappearing into his tent.

 

Peeta glanced over and sat up when Katniss re-entered the tent.

“I knew you couldn’t stay away from me.” She climbed into his lap and gently tugged on his hair, eliciting a moan and a gasp.

“Cocky boy. Finnick sent me back in here. So he can live vicariously through us.”

“That’s just disturbing to think about. Lean back.” He quickly had her shirt and bra off again and was holding her against his chest. She felt his heart racing underneath hers and her fingers wrapped themselves in his hair. She couldn’t possibly get close enough as she pressed her bare chest against his and wriggled around on his lap, her lips meeting his burning flesh. He hissed and sucked in a breath.

“Katniss…oh god.” 

“It’s your turn, Peeta. I want to make you feel good.” He pulled away to look at her, his jaw wide open.

“I don’t need…you don’t have to, Katniss. I like making you feel good. It isn’t a chore for me.”

“I know,” she said simply. “But I want to give you something in return. Because I want to, not because I have to. There are no cameras here, Peeta. Just me. And you.” She moved off his lap and gently pushed him so that he was flat on his back. She didn’t think she was much of a seductress but she knew that her lips did something to him. She sucked at this throat and slowly moved down, as he had done to her. Her tongue eagerly flecked at his salty skin all the way down to his stomach. She followed his path around his bellybutton and her hand groped him through his pants. He jerked upwards and she squeezed him again. Trying to remember what he had showed her in the hospital, she gave her palm several licks before sliding her hand down into his pants. He moaned at the contact and jerked upwards again, into her hand. Her tongue followed the line of fine air down past his bellybutton and she one-handedly unbuttoned the pants, withdrawing her hand to tug them down. He reached down and assisted her in getting them off, having some difficulty tugging them over his prosthetic. He kicked them away and she let her hands travel over his hips, down his thighs, pausing a moment to take him all in. He sat up a little, watching her cautiously.

“Is everything ok?”

“You’re…you’re just beautiful,” she said softly. His eyes lit up and he took her face in his hands, pulling her in for a kiss. The rough material of her pants rubbed against his throbbing manhood and he groaned into her mouth. Remembering her promise, Katniss broke the kiss and licked and sucked her way down his chest and stomach, pausing only for a moment before her tongue darted out to taste the rest of him. His head fell back with a thud and he let out a stream of curse words under his breath. She tasted him again, noting that it was odd, how he could taste so sugary and sweet and yet down here taste salty and like the earth. She loved discovering these new sounds he made, the way his body jerked and writhed when her mouth hit a certain spot. She used her hand to grasp him, afraid she would choke herself with the way she was taking him. Peeta restrained himself from thrusting upwards, not wanting to choke her. He reached down and gathered a fistful of her hair, holding it out of her face. 

“Katniss, fuck! I’m gonna…” he tugged on her hair and she released him, surprised. The moment her lips left him he let out a strangled cry and his hips launched off the ground, as pearly liquid covered his stomach. He collapsed, his breathing heavy, his chest heaving and his hands falling to his sides. Katniss watched him for a moment, uncertain. 

“Peeta? Is…is everything…ok?”

“I…I can’t move,” he said weakly. She remembered her words and she leaned down to kiss him. He gripped her cheeks with both hands, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

“That was the most…amazing…I can’t even…thank you.”

“I like seeing you like this,” she said slyly, lying down beside him and grabbing a blanket to toss over them. He looked quickly at her, his brow furrowed.

“Like what?”

“Breathless, panting, wanting. Hearing you cry out my name. I quite like it.” 

“Oh believe me, when all this is over, I’ll keep you in bed and make you scream my name again and again.” She was glad it was so dark so he couldn’t see her blush. 

“I have to hear you scream mine too though.”

“I don’t scream,” he said cockily. She rose up on her elbows, her brow raised.

“That sound you just made sure sounded like a scream. With my name on it too. I didn’t know you were so…vocal.” 

“Oh please. You had to stifle your screams with a pillow. Who’s the vocal one?” 

“Haymitch is going to have to move several houses down. We might scar him for life.” Peeta chuckled.

“We’ll make sure to respect the neighbors. And make sure not to scar our kids. We’ll have Haymitch take them regularly.”

“Them?” Peeta bit his lip, realizing what he had said.

“Him…her. I don’t know, Katniss, maybe we’ll have more. How about it, hm? Give me a little girl that looks just like you, with her hair in two braids instead of one. And a little boy with my hair and your eyes. I’ll teach them both how to bake and you can teach them all about hunting and snares and all that stuff. We’ll be a family. A real family.” Katniss smiled at his wistful tone, before it faded and her hands went to her belly. Peeta’s hands covered hers, sensing her thoughts.

“Just give us a chance to make it work, Katniss. I promise you, we won’t fail.”

“You’ll be saying something different, Peeta, in a few hours when the sun rises and you revert to your hijacked state. How can you ask a child to cope with that?”  
“I told you, we can make it work. I’ll see a doctor, I’ll get help. The only reason I reverted was because you left. Without you, I’m just…I’m a mutt. I have no reason to go on. Now that I know you still love me…I can try it, Katniss. Let me try it.” She sighed and lay back down beside him, his arms coming round her and holding her close. His breathing grew steadier which meant he had fallen asleep. She nuzzled in closer to him, burying her face in his bare chest, as she too fell asleep quickly.


	23. Chapter 23

XXIII

He groaned in his sleep, whimpering and pleading and she reached up to stroke his face. He kept her up, which she was fine with, for he had always been the one to comfort her when her nightmares kept her up. His eyes opened and she sighed with relief when she saw they were the usual blue. He hadn’t left her in the night. He looked surprised that she was still with him and he leaned in to nuzzle her cheek before giving her a sweet kiss.

“I wish I could keep the nightmares away, as well as you did for me,” she said sadly.

“It’s just…talking about Lavinia and Darius. Remembering…what all happened in the Capitol. And it’s not shiny so I know it’s real.”

“What does that mean?” His brow furrowed.

“I can’t really explain it. The memories they tampered with are sort of shiny and I’m getting pretty good at knowing what’s real and what’s not. Those particular memories from the Capitol aren’t hazy at all. I remember most of it. I even remember when they brought you in there with me.” She looked away before he could catch her eyes and searched for something to focus her gaze on. But she felt his fingers lift her chin and she looked up into his tear-filled eyes.

“Forgive me, Katniss. Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” she said firmly. “I thought we had already agreed to put that behind us.”

“I’m not referring to that…well, not just that. But I wached them torture you. I turned my back on you. It took me days before I finally stood up to the bastards and told them to leave you alone. I can’t believe…I just can’t comprehend how--“

“Stop. Just stop, Peeta, please. Don’t torture yourself with this. It’s in the past. What matters is that you came back to me and you saved my life. That’s all that matters to me.” He sniffled and she reached up to wipe the tears that were staining his cheek. Her thumb swept across his skin and his hand came up to cover hers. 

“I will never deserve your love,” he said softly. “I’ll never understand what I did to deserve you.” 

“You are everything that is good and perfect in this world, Peeta. And you’ve been corrupted by darkness. And yet there is still light that shines from you, there is so much love inside your heart. Haymitch was right. You are too good for me.”

“Never say that again,” he said firmly. Katniss merely shrugged and leaned up to kiss him again. Peeta’s hands wrapped around her dark hair and pulled her on top of him. Straddling his hips, she could feel his growing need for her and her palms flattened against his chest. Her fingernails raked across his nipples and he let out a low hiss. She suddenly took notice that he was naked and all that separated them from being skin to skin was her pants. His hands went to her hips and she threw her head back as he leaned up to take one of her breasts into his mouth. His teeth raked across her nipple while his fingers went to the buttons on her pants. She bit her lip and moaned his name. She could feel his cock twitch between her legs and her hands buried themselves in his hair. Peeta’s hand slid into her pants and teased her for a moment, swiping across her waist. The moment his hand lowered, Katniss could hear someone hissing her name.

“Katniss, someone’s coming!” 

“Shit,” she groaned, leaping off of him and diving for her clothes. Peeta sat up, looking deeply disgruntled, and watched her dress quickly. 

“I’ll kill whoever it is.”

“Don’t say that. Hand me my shirt.” He looked around and found her shirt to his left. 

“I could refuse and then you’d be stuck in here, naked.”

“And we both know what Boggs and Jackson would do if they found out what are doing. I would never see you again, Peeta. Hand it over.” Admitting that she had a point, he handed her the shirt and she gathered her hair over her shoulder. She bent down and kissed him hard on the mouth before straightening up and hurrying out the backside of the tent. Peeta watched her, baffled, until he heard voices outside the tent and he froze.

“Soldier Odair, where is Soldier Everdeen?”

“Pardon?”

“I didn’t stutter. WHERE is Soldier Everdeen?”

“Oh! Um, she said she had to…she had to go do something.” Peeta rolled his eyes. That was the best Finnick could come up with?

“Go do something,” Jackson repeated nastily.

“Yeah, she said she’d be right back. She’s--“

“Thanks for keeping an eye on things, Finnick,” Peeta heard her voice seconds later and he breathed. “Soldier Jackson. Is something wrong?”

“Where were you, Soldier Everdeen?”

“I had to relieve myself, Soldier Jackson. Sorry that I’m not comfortable enough to do it within a ten mile radius of my friends.” Peeta snickered and could swear he heard Finnick cough to cover up his own laugh.

“Don’t leave your post again. Same goes for you too, Odair. Has anyone checked on the prisoner lately?”

“He is NOT a prisoner, his name is Peeta and he is a part of our squad. I’ve had about enough with you people treating him like this!”

“Our concern is keeping you safe. If he is a danger to that goal, we are obligated to eliminate the threat.”

“Peeta is my husband and less of a threat than anything else out in this god-forsaken place,” she exploded. Peeta’s jaw dropped and he swore he heard crickets in the tense silence. It had been the first time since the Games that he had heard her refer to the lie that he had told at his interview. He had told Caesar that they had already married, had a toasting, and that a baby was on the way. Of course after he had been captured by the Capitol and Katniss had become the mockingjay, the rumors sort of died down but this was the first time he had heard her refer back to it. 

“We’ll leave you to watch over your husband yourself. And if he kills you in your sleep, Coin can’t blame us.” 

“Soldier Jackson,” Finnick spluttered but Peeta heard heavy footsteps stomping away. 

 

Moments later, the sound of something being thrown across the campsite.

“Katniss calm down. Don’t let her get to you.”

“NO! No, I’m SICK of this. Because I’m the stupid Mockingjay! They keep treating him like he’s some kind of criminal and that I’m a poor helpless victim. They don’t realize   
what has happened to him, what is still happening to him! Coin was right. They should have rescued him and not me. He should be the Mockingjay, not me. He could have lead the rebellion with his words. I wish the Capitol had taken me. I wish I had been the one they had tortured and hijacked.” Peeta’s jaw dropped and he yanked on his clothes while he leaned in to listen to Finnick’s soft reply. 

“A lot of shit happened that we wish hadn’t. What do you keep telling Peeta, Katniss? Don’t focus on the past. Worry about the present and the future. Don’t ask ‘what if’ because it’s just going to drive you insane. Peeta may make a better leader than you but they picked you, Katniss. And I know you only accepted that title to save his life but now that you are the leader of the rebellion, you are going to have to start looking forward. Don’t look behind you. You’ll only keep running and you, girl on fire, do not run from your enemies.”

“Were you watching my first games, Finnick? I ran every chance I got.” 

“I was watching. I watched you survive on your own before teamed up with that little girl. I watched you run to her rescue when she screamed your name. I watched you run to Peeta’s rescue when you found out he was hurt. I watched you run to the Cornicopia for the medicine that would save his life, even after he begged you not to. I watched you fire your arrow into Cato to end his suffering. And I watched you defy the Capitol with those berries, saw the fire in those eyes as you were about to swallow them. I watched as the spark grew into a flame and that flame spread through all of Panem. I’ve been paying close attention, little mockingjay. You don’t really understand the effect you have one people, do you?”

“She never has,” said a soft voice behind them and they both whirled around to find Peeta coming out of his tent. He opened his arms and Katniss went straight into them. He held her close to his chest, resting his chin on her head as he stroked her hair. Finnick watched them with a smile. Peeta gently cupped her chin and his eyes found hers.

“Don’t ever wish that, Katniss,” he said softly. “Don’t ever wish that it had been you. I would have died if our roles were reversed. I’m not strong enough to deal with what you’re dealing with.”

“You give me too much credit Peeta.”

“And you don’t give yourself enough. You’ve saved so many lives, Katniss. You’re stronger than you know.” She buried her face in his chest and he was stunned to see tears streaming down her cheeks. Her cries became sobs and his arms around her tightened.

“Katniss! What is it?”

“It’s ok. It’s just her hormones,” Finnick said quietly. “From the baby.” Peeta nodded in understanding but this phrase brought back another time, an awful time where she had thought she had lost him, and the sobs only increased. Finnick seemed to remember as well and he bit his lip, looking anxious.

“Shit, I’m sorry Katniss. I didn’t mean to…bring anything up. I just…damn it.” 

“What did I miss,” Peeta asked quietly, looking baffled. But Katniss shook her head and pulled away, wiping her nose on her sleeve. Comprehnsion dawned on him and he took her hands into his.

“It’s real this time, Katniss. It’s all real.”

“I know,” she said softly. 

“Maybe we should get some rest. The next watch should be here any minute,” Finnick said, glancing down the hill. Katniss took Peeta’s hands and squeezed.

“I want to stay with you.”

“Baby I want that more than anything but you know we can’t. What if I--“

“I thought we aren’t saying ‘what if’ anymore.”

“This is different, Katniss. I’m still having episodes. I can still hurt you. Just…sleep in your own tent tonight and come see me in the morning. We will talk to Boggs about it tomorrow, ok?” 

“Ok,” she said reluctantly. Peeta pushed her hair out of her eyes and bent down to kiss her. Finnick sighed heavily and Katniss shot him a look.

“You were practically glued to Annie’s lips for weeks. Don’t sigh at me.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Peeta chuckled and shook his head. 

“I swear Finnick, when we get back to 13, we are going to have to get you and Annie a hotel room to keep you from disturbing the rest of the district.”

“That’s an idea. We might as well get a suite and share with you guys. Since we’ll pretty much be doing the same thing.”

“Finnick!” Both Peeta and Katniss exclaimed, both very red and Finnick burst out laughing.

“Your faces! You’re both such prudes! I knew Katniss was pure but you Peeta--“

“I am NOT pure,” Katniss barked. Peeta grinned.

“It’s not a bad thing, sweetheart. It just means you’re more innocent than most.”

“I know what it means,” she said hotly. “Just because I didn’t disappear behind the slag heap everyday doesn’t mean I don’t know anything.”

“Ooooook, we are dropping this subject right now,” Finnick said, his eyes wide. Peeta nodded and Katniss glared at both of them. She indicated her belly and gave them both pointed looks.

“Does THIS look like I’m pure? Can you really call me pure with your baby inside me?” Peeta suddenly looked uncomfortable and Finnick’s smile faded.

“Katniss--“

“Baby?!” The three of them whirled around to find Messalla, Cressida’s assistant, gaping at them. Peeta paled immediately.

“Shit,” he said quietly. Messalla’s eyes traveled over the three of them before he turn and ran back down the hill, toward the TV Crew’s tents. 

“We have to stop him,” Finnick said, starting after him. 

“No we don’t. Cressida already knows.” Peeta and Finnick stared, wide-eyed at her. 

“I didn’t tell her. She guessed. She’s been helping me stay healthy as I can. Her deal is she’ll keep it a secret if I let her have the first pregnancy story when we finally announce it.” 

“Do you think Messalla will go behind Cressida’s back? What if he goes to someone in the Capitol? If Snow finds out you’re pregnant…” Peeta didn’t finish his sentence but they caught the worry in his eyes. As a pregnant woman, Katniss had an even bigger target on her back. Peeta had already sworn not to let anything happen to Katniss or the baby, but if Snow found out, he could torture Peeta far worse than any hijacking. He swallowed and trembled slightly. 

“We’ll find out what Cressida says in the morning. I’m going to bed.” 

“Take your vitamins,” Finnick called after her and she waved him off as she disappeared into her tent. Peeta sighed.

“She’s actually taking vitamins?”

“Her mother gave her pre-natal vitamins to help strengthen the baby. We just have to keep reminding her, Peeta. Remind her that you’re having a baby together and that it will be wonderful. It will make her want to stay safe and healthy and not be reckless about this. Gale and I are worried about her.”

“When did you and Gale start bonding,” Peeta said, wrinkling his nose.

“We’re all on the same side, Peeta. We all want the same thing. And we’ll all work together to achieve our goals. He’s not my favorite person in the world but I respect him. As I respect you and Katniss. Get some sleep. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be rough.” Peeta nodded and went back to his tent. As he stripped off his shirt, his shoes, and his socks his mind drifted to the woman in the tent next to him. He pulled his pillow into his arms and closed his eyes, pretending he could hear her breathing right next to him.

 

The next morning, Peeta awoke early and quickly dressed. Glancing outside, he saw the sun was beginning to rise and that no one was awake. Leeg and Homes, his watch, he assumed, were both dozing by the smoldering fire. Not wanting to cause any problems, he gently shook Leeg awake. She looked surprised to see him up and about.

“I just need to relieve myself. Mind if I slip down the hill for a moment?” She looked hesitant but then she agreed and Peeta slipped behind the tents. Moments later, Katniss emerged from her tent, fully dressed.

“Did I hear Peeta’s voice?”

“He just needs to relieve himself, he’ll be right back,” she said with a nod. Katniss shouldered her high tech bow and her arrows and felt her stomach rumble.

“I’m going to see if I can catch anything for breakfast. I won’t be long.”

“Soldier Everdeen,” Leeg said cautiously. Katniss fixed her stormy eyes on the woman and became the girl on fire once more.

“You forget what I have been through Soldier Leeg.”

“No I don’t. Don’t take too long. If Boggs wakes up and finds you gone he won’t be happy.” She nodded and shifted her bow before slipping away into the forest. 

Being back in the woods, even if it was for a moment, made her happy and relaxed. She crouched down and studied the animals’ prints, hoping for a lead on something tasty that could feed everyone. She bent low and waited, hoping for a deer. She heard shuffling and the crunch of the leaves and she readied her weapon. She leaned in close, feeling the arrow brush against her lips and she counted to herself before jumping out into the clearing.

“Shit!” Peeta dropped the berries he was holding and his hands went straight into the air, a panicked look on his face. Katniss lowered her bow and would have found it funny if Peeta wasn’t looking so terrified. 

“Easy, it’s just me,” she said soothingly. Peeta clutched his chest and closed his eyes for a moment, opening them again and fixing them on hers.

“God I’m glad we were on the same side in the Games. You would have killed me in a second.” 

“I could never, Peeta. What are you doing?”

“Gathering some berries for you. Don’t worry, I made sure they’re ok,” he said with a weak smile, both of them remembering how he had been the one to find the   
nightlock berries during their first Games. 

“Thank you. Why don’t you see if you can gather some more and I’ll try to catch something for everyone’s breakfast?” Peeta knew he was too loud to be around her when she was hunting so he nodded and shuffled off in the opposite direction. Katniss waited and watched the sun rise over the trees. It was strange that this little section of the woods was so near the heart of the Capitol. Everywhere else was streets and huge buildings and the evidence of human manufacturing. It was like her little oasis. Still, she had no idea if any animals actually lived here. She wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t.

She was in luck. Within an hour, she had shot two rabbits and had snared a squirrel. She walked back to the campsite to find her squad rising and chatting around the fire. Gale smiled and rose to greet her.

“Good haul, Catnip.”

“Thanks. Want to help me?” Peeta watched, slightly jealous, as Gale and Katniss stripped the animals together and cleaned them thoroughly before roasting them on over the fire. He would just have to accept that Gale was a part of her life, a big part, and that they shared certain things that he would never be a part of. Perhaps one day, Katniss could take him to the woods and teach him how to be quiet. To be more like her. More like Gale.


	24. Chapter 24

XXIV

He shook himself and jumped as Gale handed him a leaf of meat. He nodded his thanks before biting into the juicy rabbit. With the berries and the meat, it was the first decent meal in days and they all nodded their thanks to Katniss. She smiled and gestured toward Peeta.

“Peeta was the one who found the berries and fruit.” 

“Well thank you for that, Peeta. I have been craving blackberries,” Finnick said, popping one into his mouth. Peeta grinned as he devoured his meal. Katniss moved closer to him and he reached over and took her hand. They had trouble eating with only one hand but neither of them cared. Neither of them wanted to let go. Boggs glanced at their joined hands with raised brows but he said nothing. Peeta glanced over at the TV Crew and saw that Messalla was watching them closely, his face a bit red. Cressida seemed remarkably calm but Castor and Pollux, the two brothers who sat hunched together, looked nervous for some reason. Peeta swallowed anxiously, hoping against hope that their secret was still just that. He squeezed Katniss’s hand and she gave him a quick smile before going back to her meal. 

“Alright squad, here’s the agenda today. We are going to get some footage of Katniss in action. Peeta was right, Coin is unhappy with how the propos are going. We’re going into a part of the street that we know is heavily armed. We need to deactivate the pods before we can take the whole block. Soldier Hawthorne, you’ll be in charge of shooting that. Cressida, it’s all yours.” Cressida nodded and rose to her feet.

“We need some real action today, troops. I will have Castor and Pollux both rolling, one in the front and one in the back so that we don’t miss anything. You can all shoot but Gale will be the one shooting the real target. Katniss, I want you to stay near Peeta. Hold hands if you can. We want to show them that the star-crossed lovers are still fighting together.” Katniss’s jaw clenched for a moment but nodded and said nothing. Peeta’s hand squeezed hers again. Cressida’s eyes flicked to their hands just for a moment before she looked back at the squad.

“Our goal is to take the block. Deactivate the pods. And stay alive.” Everyone rose to their feet and shouldered their weapons. 

“Katniss, see Messalla for a bit of make-up.” Rolling her eyes, Katniss let go of Peeta’s hand and walked over to Messalla, who held powder, foundation, eyeliner, and lipstick. 

“Do I really need all of this?”

“Close-ups,” he said briefly before starting on her face. She closed her eyes and allowed him to paint her up. She still had to be a beautiful mockingjay. Even in the middle of combat. She waited for him to bring up the baby but he never did. Finally, Cressida called over to him and he announced that he was finished. She walked back over to the group and Cressida nodded in approval. Peeta took her hand again and kissed her fingers. 

“With or without make up, you’re still the most beautiful creature that walks this earth.” Her heart warmed at his words and she leaned up to kiss him. It was sweet and brief but the rest of the squad seemed surprised to see such tenderness between them. 

“Ok,” Boggs announced. “Let’s move.” Cressida yelled “action” and they squad moved out onto the empty street. They all began to shoot out windows and shoot at the pods. They took cover immediately as a shower of bullets rained down on them and they flattened themselves on the pink and orange paving stones of the Capitol. 

“Close up,” Cressida yelled and Katniss turned to see Pollux coming near her, his camera in her face. She grabbed Peeta’s hand and pulled him close, wrapping her arm around his waist as she stared out at the street. Peeta played along, although there was no pretend to his actions, just how it had always been. He wrapped one arm around her waist and his other took her hand, bringing it to her lips. Even Cressida stifled a sob at the tender gesture. Katniss was sure that Panem would be rejoicing at the sight. Feeling her heart race, she stood up on her toes and clutched his army wear, pulling him in for a kiss. Boggs nodded in approval and moved to reposition the Holo on the hazy street. Distracted, he stepped back onto an orange paving stone and a loud bang rocked the earth. At first no one kenw what had happened. Everyone looked around anxiously, wondering what on earth could have caused the bang. Boggs started to pant heavily and was lying sprawled out on the street. That was when they realized, he had no legs. 

 

Several more bombs went off and there were screams. Katniss crouched low, covering her head and Peeta had vanished from her side. When she rose, her eyes scanned the scene and saw that he and Mitchell had been thrown into a building and Gale and Finnick were trying to revive them. She ran over toward them, her mind clearly burning an image of an unconscious Peeta with Finnick bending over him, breathing life into him. Tears blurred her vision as she ran to Peeta but she felt a hand close around her ankle and nearly fell. She whirled around to find Boggs, shaking in a massive pool of blood. Homes was trying to stem the gore and Jackson was yelling into her communicator for a medic but Katniss knew he wouldn’t last long.

“Katniss,” he said shaklily. “The Holo.” She glanced over and saw it lying nearby with his boot and she shuddered.

“Homes, get the Holo. I need to get to Peeta--“

“Katniss! As your Commander, I order you to bring me the Holo.” Katniss reluctantly ran to the Holo and wiped it clean before bringing it back to him. Boggs held it with both hands and his fingers were working furiously. A green light illuminated them and he leaned in close.

“Unfit for command. Transfer of prime security clearance to Squad Four-Five-One Soldier Katniss Everdeen,” he turned to a gaping Katniss. “Say your name.”

“Katniss Everdeen,” she said quietly and the green light illuminated only her for a moment before it disappeared. She turned back to Boggs, her eyes wide.

“What did you do?”

“Prepare to retreat,” Jackson yelled as she approached. Katniss whirled around and saw Finnick gesturing toward the end of the street, the way they had all come. Some sort of geyser had appeared in the middle of the street and was spewing a black oily matter. Finnick was surely remembering the lethal fog that they had encountered in the arena and he was shaking his head at Jackson, telling them they had to find another way out. Gale was helping Peeta, who was looking a little dazed and kept rubbing his head. The rest of the Squad made a protective circle around Boggs and were all looking miserable. Leeg and Mitchell started to detonate the rest of the bombs and Homes looked up at Katniss pointedly as he grabbed one of Boggs’s arms. Katniss moved in to help and Jackson lead the way away from that spot. In no time at all, Katniss and Homes were covered in blood. Boggs cried out in pain but the black substance rose up over the buidings and Katniss could only think about the excruciating fog and she knew they had to move. Gale and Peeta joined the circle and Peeta’s wide eyes fell on Katniss’s blood-soaked form. No one saw it happen. Peeta couldn’t even have predicted it. But in half an instant, he snapped. 

He dove forward, past the rest of the squad, and grabbed onto Katniss’s quiver of arrows. His fingers bruised her arm as he yanked her backwards and slammed her into the brick wall behind them. Dazed, Katniss lay on the paving stones and looked up into Peeta’s clouded eyes as he lifted his gun high over his head, ready to crush her.  
“Shit!” Katniss heard Gale yell. Katniss rolled into the street, barely missing the crunch of the rifle and turned her horrified gaze to Peeta, who had been tackled and pinned to the ground by Mitchell. Peeta struggled and with the strength from his hijacked state, he kicked Mitchell away from him and halfway down the street. They heard a loud snap as the pod was activated and a large net completely entrapped him. Katniss was panicked to see bloody stratches covering him and she suddenly noticed the barbed wires all over the net. He was trapped in a net of barbed wire, writhing and screaming for help.

“Mitchell! Don’t move! We’ll get you out!” Pollux and Castor started to hack away at the barbed wire but the black substance was coming after them and Katniss began to gag. Gale started to shoot at the lock of the building in front of them while Leeg, Messalla, and Finnick restrained Peeta. Katniss and Homes grabbed Boggs once again and Jackson yelled at them to follow her into the apartment.   
Katniss noticed odd things, like pink and white walls, and family photos hanging on the wall as they passed. They collapsed in the kitchen, all breathing heavily. Castor and Pollux entered, holding a writhing Peeta between them. Jackson leaped on him, cuffing his hands, which just made him worse. Katniss stifled a sob at the wild look in his eyes and turned away as they all pushed him into a closet. 

Boggs grabbed Katniss’s hand and placed the Holo there. His lips started to move but Katniss had to lean close to his bloody lips to hear.

“Don’t trust them. Don’t go back. Kill Peeta. Do what you came to do.” Katniss jerked back, her eyes wide and glassy.

“What? What do you mean? Boggs? BOGGS!” His eyes were open but his lips did not move, his chest did not rise. Their commander was dead. Katniss closed her hand around the Holo and shut her eyes. 

They heard the front door slam and Finnick, Messalla, and Cressida all stumbled in, coughing. Katniss’s wide eyes traveled over them and she choked out a sob.

“Gale!” But he joined them seconds later, slamming the front door and running around the room, his head twisting frantically.

“Fumes! Help me!” Castor and Pollux grabbed towels and aprons to stuff into the cracks as the black substance traveled over them, bringing its threatening fumes. Gale retched into a sink and Katniss went to him, resting her hand on his back.

“I’m glad you’re ok,” she said softly. He wiped at his face, looking exhausted, and nodded.

“Mitchell?” Gale just shook his head and Katniss squeezed her eyes shut. She was no stranger to death. But this mission was reinforcing her idea to never let yourself get attached to anyone.   
Everyone jumped as Peeta slammed into the closet door, trying to kick it down. Katniss brushed the tears away and shook her head. His kicking seemed to die down into nothing and Katniss had to push aside the fear that he, too, was dead. She heaved a great sigh and stood up.

“We need to get moving. I’m sure they’ve got us on surveillance tapes.” 

“Count on it,” said Castor. “All the streets are covered by cameras. They saw us taping the propo. That’s why they attacked.” 

“Our communicators went down but we can get back to camp. Give me the Holo,” Jackson held out her hand and Katniss shook her head.

“No. Boggs gave it to me.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m Second-In-Command. Hand it over.”

“Boggs transferred it to her before he died,” said Homes, stepping close to Katniss. “I saw it.” 

“Why would he do that?” Jackson said with a frown. All eyes fell on Katniss and she swallowed. 

“Because I’m on a special mission from President Coin. I think Boggs was the only one who knew about it.” 

“To do what,” Jackson pressed on.

“To assassinate President Snow before the loss of life from this war makes our population unsustainable.” 

“I don’t believe you,” Jackson said nastily, holding out her hand. “As your current commander, I order you to transfer the prime security clearance over to me.” 

“That would be in direct violation of President Coin’s orders. So no.” Guns were drawn from all sides of the room. Half were pointed at Jackson, the other half at Katniss. 

“Katniss,” Gale hissed, giving her a pointed look. But she stood her ground. She glared at Jackson. It may be a lie but she would hold to it. She had come on this mission with the intent on stealing the Holo and finding Snow by herself. Too many lives had been lost already. She wouldn’t risk any more. She had already decided to take the Holo and leave the group behind. If she died, she hoped the rebels would keep fighting in her name. 

“Katniss is telling the truth. It’s why we’re here,” Cressida spoke up and all eyes flew to her. “Plutarch wants the whole thing televised. He thinks if we can film the Mockingjay assassinating Snow, it will end the war.” Leeg and Homes lowered their weapons, glancing at Jackson. Jackson’s eyes flew to the closet and they narrowed. 

“So why is he here? Moral support for the Mockingjay, I suppose?” 

“Because the two post-Games interviews with Caesar Flickerman were shot in President Snow's personal quarters. Plutarch thinks Peeta may be of some use as a guide in a location we have little knowledge of. He’s here to help us.”

“He’s not helping anyone right now,” Jackson said bitterly, throwing a glare to Katniss. “He’s damaged and dangerous. We should just leave him behind.” 

“You do that and I’ll leave YOU in chains,” Katniss growled and the guns were raised again. 

“We have to move,” Gale spat. “I’m following Katniss. If you don’t want to, head back to camp. But we have to go now!” With a hesitant glance at Jackson, Homes went to the closet and opened it to reveal an unconscious Peeta. He threw him over his shoulders and turned to Katniss for instructions. Finnick nodded.

“Lead on, Soldier Everdeen.”


	25. Chapter 25

XXV.

Katniss opened the door a crack and frowned before shutting it again.

“Masks on,” she announced. “We still don’t know what that black stuff was and we’re going to have to go back out the way we came in.”

“It’s not corrosive,” Gale said from the back of the group. “I got some on my shoe an studied it a little. I think it was meant to poison us.”

“Like the fog,” Finnick said quietly. “And that disappeared after a while.”

“We can’t assume anything. Masks on.” Everyone did as they were told and Finnick adjusted the mask over Peeta’s lifeless face. When everyone was ready, they nodded to Katniss, who still held the Holo. She bit her lip and held it out toward Jackson.

“I don’t know how to use this and Boggs said you would help me. He said I could count on you.” With a scowl, Jackson yanked it out of her hand and fiddled with the buttons. Once she had put in a command, an intersection appeared and she studied it for a moment.

“See this right here? It’s an overview of the four streets that meet at the intersection. Where do you think we should go?” Katniss bit her lip. She had never felt like much of a leader but everyone was watching her as if she were one.

“If we go out the kitchen door, it looks like there is a small courtyard, then the back side of another apartment unit that we can hide behind.”

“Very good,” Jackson said with a brief nod. 

“But what about the other pods,” Leeg spoke up.

“Which ones?”

“The ones we might not know about.”

“We have to risk it,” Jackson said before Katniss could speak. “Soldier Everdeen says we are going back the way we came, so we go. Everyone ready?” No one felt ready to go out into the huge cloud of mysterious fumes but they made sure their masks were tight as they followed Katniss outside.

As they walked down the street, ducking behind buildings, Katniss kept her hand on her stomach. She had been feeling sharp pains but didn’t want to say anything. She swore she would not appear weak. And only a few of the squad knew she was pregnant. She ignored the pains and continued on. 

They were lucky and did not encounter any pods or have any trouble with the fumes. But the light was fading and street lamps were coming on. Katniss chose an apartment further down the street and looked around before motioning for them to get closer. Homes broke the lock and Katniss silently gestured them all in.   
Once inside, Gale took off his mask and stood next to the window. They all watched in trepidation.

“It’s ok. You can smell it but it’s not strong. It shouldn’t do anything to us.” Everyone took off their masks and tossed them aside as they collapsed onto the floor. Katniss briefly examined the apartment, which was just like the one they had been in earlier, and she set her gun aside. Finnick had laid Peeta across the blue sofa, still bound and unconscious. Jackson had her gun pointed at him and Katniss scowled but bit back her retort. She felt another sharp pain around her midriff and stifled a gasp. Gale’s eyes flew to her stomach, then to hers.

“Katniss?”

“I’m fine,” she said dismissively. She tried to stand but the pain was so intense that she moaned and wrapped her arms around her waist, moving to curl up on the floor. 

“Katniss!” Finnick and Gale were by her side as Gale cradled her head and Cressida and Messalla hovered over her.

“What’s wrong?” 

“I’m…I’m not sure. My stomach really hurts.” 

“Like cramps,” Leeg asked. Cressida glanced up at her then back at Katniss.

“Katniss?” Gale whispered, looking worried. A sudden chain of explosions made them all jump and Katniss sat up.

“What is that?”

“It’s not that close, maybe four or five blocks away,” Jackson said, listening intently. Katniss paled.

“The apartment we were just in? Where we left Boggs?” 

“He would understand, Katniss.”

“But--“ but she was interrupted by the TV snapping to life and Katniss jumped. Cressida held out a hand.

“It’s ok. It’s an emergency broadcast. All the TVs are programmed to come on when these happen.” 

“Oh damn it!” Finnick swore, leaning close to the TV. They all scurried closer and saw themselves on the street right after the bomb had wounded Boggs. The reporter was identifying them all by name. Peeta, Katniss, Gale, Cressida, and Boggs were all identified but the rest were left as ‘unknowns’. They watched the chaos as Peeta attacked, Gale tried to free Mitchell from the wire, and Katniss ordered everyone into an apartment. The TV cut to a live feed showing peacekeepers hosing down the now-destroyed apartment. Moments later, they were all pronounced dead. Homes breathed.

“Finally, a bit of luck.” Katniss bit her lip. She could imagine everyone in 13 watching this. Prim, her mother, Annie…she felt sick and felt the pain again. 

“My father,” Leeg said softly, “he just lost my sister and…and when he sees this…” she fell silent, silent tears streaming down her pale cheeks.   
The footage played over and over until it cut to several reporters, discussing the Mockingjay’s rise to power and her well-deserved death. Finnick reached over and squeezed Katniss’s hand but the pain in her stomach was so intense she couldn’t have cared less. She curled up into a ball on the floor and hid her face in her hands.

“So now that we’re dead, what’s our next move?” Gale asked, reaching out to turn off the TV. No one looked at Katniss, who felt like she was dying on the carpet.

“Isn’t it obvious?” came a quiet voice from the couch. Everyone whirled around and Katniss lifted her head in disbelief. Peeta was pushing himself up in a sitting position with some difficulty and from the look on his face, he had seen everything on TV. His eyes met Katniss’s as he spoke.

“Our next move is to kill me.” 

 

Katniss’s jaw dropped but Peeta looked firm as stone.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jackson said, though she had been the one to keep the gun covering him. 

“I just murdered a member of our squad!”

“You pushed him off you,” Finnick said softly. “You couldn’t have known he would trigger that net. It’s not your fault.”

“Who cares! He’s dead isn’t he,” Peeta said, tears staining his cheeks. “I didn’t know. I mean…I mean, they have told me. I’ve known that I can become a monster…but I never…I’ve only seen it once…I didn’t think I could EVER…Katniss, I’m sorry…I deserve to die.” Katniss moved to comfort him but the pain in her stomach made her cry out and she clutched her stomach. Peeta’s eyes widened even more and he struggled off the couch, his hands still cuffed, as he made his way over to her. Pain exploded in her abdomen and she cried out again.

“Katniss, what’s wrong?” 

“Peeta,” she said weakly. “I think…” she trailed off, looking down and Peeta choked back a sob. Finnick’s hands went to her belly, prodding gently and she winced and tried to scurry away.

“What’s wrong with her,” Jackson boomed. Cressida ignored her and sat in front of Katniss, her cold hands going to the girl’s stomach.

“Katniss, look at me. Breathe. Right now. Deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Very good. Look into my eyes. Keep calm, just keep breathing.” Cressida glanced down and her face fell but her eyes darted back up to Katniss’s and she glued a fake smile on. 

“Keep breathing, dear. That’s it. Gale, go find me some towels.” Gale leaped to his feet and ran from the room. Peeta had backed up against the sofa and was sobbing into his hands, his cries raw and unrestrained. Finnick’s face was pale but he moved closer to Katniss and took her other hand.

“Breathe through the pain, Katniss. You’ve been through worse than this before. Breathe, little mockingjay. Breathe.” Katniss obeyed and breathed through it. She didn’t notice Peeta sobbing his eyes out or Gale’s tears as he handed Cressida the towels or the wetness beneath her. She inhaled and exhaled and Cressida nodded. Cressida and Finnick squeezed her hands and nodded encouragingly. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the pain subsided and Katniss opened her eyes, to find them all staring at her in horror. She glanced down and noticed her clothes were stained with blood. At first she did not understand but when she looked up into Gale’s tear-filled eyes, Cressida’s sad face, and finally, at Peeta’s shaking form, she finally understood.

“Oh god.” 

“Can you get up, Katniss? I’ll hep you to the bathroom and clean you up.” She did not move so Finnick hoisted her to her feet and Leeg and Cressida hurried her toward the bathroom, while Katniss just stared blankly into space. When she was gone, Jackson turned onto Peeta.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Peeta ignored her, lost in his grief. 

“Soldier Jackson. Give him a moment,” Gale said sharply. Her eyes narrowed.

“Did you know, Soldier Hawthorne?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Just let them be.” 

“And you, Soldier Odair? You both knew, didn’t you?”

“As Gale said, what does it matter,” Finnick said miserably, pressing the towels into the floor and cleaning the spots of blood. Pollux and Homes moved down to help and   
Finnick went to Peeta.

“Peeta. You have to snap out of this. She needs you.” Peeta’s howls echoed around the room and Castor winced. He hid his face in his arms as he rocked back and forth.

“Peeta! Listen to me. She’s still here. She still loves you. You need to stay strong, for her. This is not your fault, do you hear me?” 

“How. HOW can you say that,” Peeta choked out, looking up at Finnick with red eyes.

“I murdered my own child.”

“No! No you didn’t. This is all the Capitol’s doing, Peeta. This is not your fault. And we don’t even know if…” he trailed off, thinking for sure that Katniss had lost the baby. Peeta blanched again and buried his face in his palms. The metal cuffs sliced at his face and he welcomed the pain. 

“Peeta, Finnick is right. You have to snap out of it. She’s going to need you even more now. You can’t revert! Don’t leave her again,” Gale said, shaking him. 

“Take care of her, Gale,” he cried, looking up to meet Gale’s gray eyes. “You could take better care of her than I ever could. Kill me. Please. I can’t…I can’t do this.”

“Peeta! Stop talking like that,” Gale said sharply. 

“You’ve wanted to kill me since you met me,” Peeta said, a mad look in his eyes. “So do it! PLEASE!”

“I’m not going to kill you. No one is going to kill you so put it out of your head right now. You’ve got to pull yourself together! You asked that girl to marry you so now you had better be prepared to take care of her!” 

“I can’t.”

“Peeta, you love her more than you have ever loved another person,” Finnick said urgently. “I know it, I’ve seen it. You have to find yourself again. Don’t let Snow win! He tried to destroy your love for her and you have been fighting it. Keep fighting it. Don’t let this destroy you.”

“I KILLED MY BABY! I’m a mutt! A Capitol MUTT!” 

“Lock him up,” Jackson said, her eyes never leaving his writhing form. “Put him in the pantry again.”

“How about a bedroom,” Finnick said bitterly. “He’s not a damn prisoner, and he obviously needs help!” 

“You’d better make sure there’s no means of escape then.” Finnick grabbed Peeta’s hands and pulled him up. Peeta resisted at first but then went limp and seemed to fall asleep. Gale helped Finnick drag him into one of the smaller bedrooms that had no windows. Gale quickly examined the room to make sure there was nothing Peeta could use to harm himself while Finnick lay Peeta’s bound hands on his stomach. When they re-entered the living room, they found Cressida and Leeg cleaning themselves up. 

“How is she?”

“Hard to say. She won’t speak or even move. It’s like she’s in a catatonic state. We cleaned her up and dressed her in fresh clothes. She’s resting now.” 

“Are we sure…I mean, is it for sure that she lost it,” Finnick asked in a hollow voice.

“It wasn’t a lot of blood, but I don’t know what else it could be. We can’t be sure of anything until she is examined. How is Peeta?”

“The same. He started yelling that he was a mutt and then he just went unconscious. He’s resting too.”

“We’ve suffered some setbacks,” Cressida said with a sigh, rubbing her tired eyes. “And I’m not sure how we are supposed to expect the Mockingjay to come back from this.”

“Katniss can handle anything that is thrown at her,” Gale said hotly. “She can survive this.” Cressida chose to ignore him. Jackson glared around the room, then unstrapped her gun and weapons.

“We had better settle in and find some dinner. We will deal with Katniss in the morning.”   
They made their way to the kitchen and Gale opened the pantry. The soldiers of District 13 were scandalized to see the hoarded food. 

“Isn’t this illegal?” Leeg asked.

“Maybe in 13. But here in the Capitol, you’d be stupid not to stock up. People even started before the Quarter Quell.”

“While others went without,” Leeg said bitterly. 

“C’mon, everyone grab a can,” Gale said, his hand shooting out and grabbing the nearest can. Everyone ate in silence, afraid to speak. When they had finished, they decided someone should still keep watch while the others slept. Even though the Capitol thought them dead, they knew Peacekeepers were still nearby. Gale volunteered to take first watch and the others settled on the sofas and on the floor. Gale cast them a look before he went into the bedroom to find Katniss huddled on the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, sighing heavily.

“Catnip I know you can hear me. You have to fight this. You didn’t want this in the first place, remember? Don’t let this destroy you. You and Peeta can still have a future, if that’s what you want. Or you can have a future with…someone else. But you have to move on from this. And I know you can. You’re the strongest person I know.” He reached over and moved a hair from her face, his knuckles stroking her cheek.

“Don’t leave us, Katniss. We need you,” he whispered in her ear.


	26. Chapter 26

The next morning, Katniss awoke to the sounds of birds outside the window. Mockingjays. She thought for a moment she was in her woods, safe and free. But a look around the tacky Capitol bedroom and she realized she was nowhere near safe and free. Her clothes had been changed and someone had brought her into the bed. She pushed herself up and put her hand to her stomach. Nothing. Not that she could feel the baby before but now she felt utter emptiness. She felt numb. Frozen. She looked around and found her squad uniform, washed and clean. She pulled it on and looked around for the Holo. She decided this was it. Now that she had no baby to worry about, and Peeta was surely lost to her, so far gone in his grief, that she had nothing to worry about. She did feel a twinge of regret for leaving Prim but she was doing this to keep her safe. She would kill Snow and take down the Capitol. And she was sure she would die trying. 

She tested her strength as she stepped onto the floor and stood up straight. Feeling hunger ache at her, she made her way to the kitchen to search the pantry. Sleeping bodies were all around her and she carefully stepped around them to avoid waking them up. She did not see Peeta anywhere. What had happened to him? Had he taken off after he realized what had happened? Had Gale done something to him? Had Jackson? She bit her lip and opened the pantry with a squeak. She grabbed a package of cookies and a can of peaches. When she closed the door, she found Finnick inches from her and she jumped.

“Sorry,” he said quickly. “I thought you’d still be sleeping.”

“I’m going to eat and then leave. I’m taking the Holo and finding Snow. I want you to tell the others when they wake up. I’ll be long gone by then.”

“Katniss you’re stupid if you think I’m going to let you do this alone. We’re your squad, we’re here to help you!”

“You know I lied to Jackson, Finnick. Coin didn’t give me a mission. I need to kill Snow. And now there is nothing stopping me.” Finnick’s eyes flicked downwards for a   
second before they went back to hers. She had caught it though.

“Katniss--“

“Don’t Finnick. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s over and I don’t have to think about it anymore. I wasn’t meant to have kids. Story over.” She drained the peaches and opened the noisy package of cookies. 

“I talked to him last night,” he said quietly. Katniss looked up at him quickly and saw the sadness in his eyes.

“He’s gone again, isn’t he?”

“I guess you could say that. He just stares blankly and doesn’t speak. His eyes are hard and there is grief etched into every line of his face. He’s got this haunted look about him…he blames himself.” She squeezed her eyes shut, blinking back the tears. Shoving the cookie into her mouth, she stood up and shrugged.

“Then I really don’t have anything stopping me from going. If I am still alive after I kill Snow and I come back and he is waiting for me…then maybe I can start to live with that. But I won’t hold my breath. I don’t expect to survive this and I’m not really disappointed by that fact. After being sent into the Arena twice, you get sort of used to facing imminent death.”

“And do you think he’ll be able to go on if something happens to you?”

“Keep him alive, Finnick. I asked the wrong people last time. I shouldn’t have trusted Haymitch. I trusted the wrong people and Peeta is changed forever because of me. So now I’m asking you to do whatever you can to keep him alive.” Finnick watched her as she gathered her supplies and inspected the Holo. 

“He’ll always love you, you know.” She paused for only a moment then shook her head and left the room.

Everyone was starting to stir when she entered the living room and she silently cursed herself for not going earlier. Now she wouldn’t escape Jackson. Cressida raised her brow at seeing Katniss awake but Katniss ignored her.

“I’m going after Snow alone,” she announced.

“You’re crazy if you think we’d agree to that,” Jackson said, not even bothering to look at her.

“It’s really not up to you. I’ve put enough people in harm and I’m going to finish this alone.”

“No, you’re not. You are the Mockingjay and we are your guards. We go where you go. Get used to it.” Katniss was about to protest when the TV flicked on again and the anthem from the Capitol started to play. Finnick and Katniss squeezed hands as the anthem continued and they showed images on the screen, just as they had done in the Arena. The commentator was announcing the dead, starting with Katniss and Peeta, the star-crossed lovers of District 12, Gale, and Boggs, followed by the TV crew. They had left out the soldiers from 13. Snow came onto the screen and congratulated the Peacekeepers of ridding the country of the Mockingjay, assuring audiences she had gotten what she had deserved. He goes on and on about how he is sure the country will realize the rebels have no hope now, since they have no one to follow. Something happened and then President Coin appeared. Finnick whistled.

“Beetee is good.” Coin introduced herself as the President of District 13 and the head of the rebels, then proceeded to give Katniss’s eulogy. Katniss’s heart sank just a little, knowing that the rebels truly believed them dead. What would Prim and her mother think? And Annie? Finnick seemed to be thinking the same thing and Katniss reached over and squeezed his hand. 

“Dead or alive, Katniss Everdeen will remain the face of this rebellion. If   
ever you waver in your resolve, think of the Mockingjay, and in her you will find the strength you need to rid Panem of its oppressors." 

“Wow, I had no idea I meant so much to her,” Katniss said bitterly. Gale chuckled but the others looked at her with raised brows. She fell silent and turned back to the TV, where a picture of her was blazing on the screen. She was a martyr now. The control snapped back to the Capitol and Snow was doing his best to remain calm.

“When we pull Katniss Everdeen’s body from the ashes, we will see exactly who the Mockingjay is. A dead girl who could save no one, not even herself.” And with that, the anthem played again and the TV flicked off. 

“Except that you’ll never find her,” Finnick snapped to the blank screen. 

“We need to move,” Cressida said firmly. “Once they find her missing, they’ll suspect. Once they find eleven bodies missing, they’ll know. They’ll be coming after us soon.” They started to examine the Holo and discuss options. They ruled out the streets and the rooftops, which left only one option. One that made Gale and Katniss both shiver. 

“We have to go underground,” Homes said solemnly. Katniss nodded.

“Then let’s move. We need to make this look like we were never here.” They quickly cleaned up and cleared all evidence of their stay. They pocketed the full cans of food and packages and Gale fixed the lock on the door. They all stood, ready to leave when Katniss frowned.

“But where’s-?” Peeta entered the room a second later and planted himself on the blue sofa, his bound hands in his lap and his face hard and resolute.

“Peeta, come on, we’re ready to leave.”

“I’m not going. I’ll either disclose your position or hurt someone else.”

“Snow’s people will find you,” Gale said harshly.

“Then leave me one of those nightlock pills you have. I’ll only take it if I have to.” Katniss doubted this. The way he was looking at this moment, she would guess he would take it immediately. And she’d never allow that.

“Peeta, come on!”

“Or what? You’ll shoot me?”

“I’ll knock you out and drag you,” she snapped back. “Which would slow us down and engdanger us. So use your legs and walk!”

“Stop it, Katniss. I don’t care if I die!” He leaped to his feet, his blonde hair messy and his eyes wild. “Please…please just leave me. I want out of this. Can’t you see I want out of this?” Katniss’s eyes met his and she was surprised to see the blue irisis clearly. They were full of guilt and sorrow and he watched her, pleading.

“We’re wasting time. Are you coming voluntarily or do we need to knock you out?” Peeta let out a frustrated groan and turned away, burying his face in his hands.

“Should we free his hands,” Homes asked.

“No!” Peeta yanked his hands against his chest and shook his head. 

“No,” Katniss agreed. “But I want the key.” Jackson handed it to her and she slipped it into her pocket, feeling something else in there with it. Her fingers closed around the pearl for a moment and she blinked back tears. Withdrawing her hand, she turned back to the group and nodded.

“Let’s go.”

They made their way to the entrance of the tube that would lead them underground and Gale and Messala wrenched it open together. Pollux was looking pale and sweaty and he gripped onto his brother’s wrist. Castor gave Katniss a sideways glance and bit his lip.

“My brother worked down here after he became an Avox. Took us five years to raise the money to buy his way up to ground level. He didn’t see the sun in all that time.” Katniss reached out and patted Pollux’s shoulder lightly and he gave her a grateful nod. 

“Well then you just became our most valuable asset,” Peeta said quietly from behind him. Several people laughed and Pollux gave a little smile. Finnick clapped Peeta on the shoulder and they shared a brief grin. Katniss’s heart ached at the sight of it. 

“Pollux, why don’t you lead us?”

Peeta had called it. Pollux was proving extremely useful, with his knowledge of the tunnels and everything from the shift times of the Avoxes to which paths had obstacles and traps. They avoided the pods for the most part and guessed they had gotten far by nightfall. Around midnight, Katniss called for a stop. They collapsed to their feet, exhausted and many fell right to sleep. They decided on watches and Katniss wedged herself between Gale and Finnick, her eyes drooping heavily.

Around four, Jackson shook Katniss awake to inform her it was her turn for watch. She glanced over at Pollux, who looked wide awake.

“Don’t think he can sleep down here. Keep an eye on him?” Katniss nodded and took out a can of food, moving closer to Pollux. She shot him a smile and offered him some canned peaches. They spent the next several hours examining the Holo, figuring out what traps were nearby. They knew they were near the center of the Capitol and the pods seemed to be adding up as they came closer. Katniss’s head spun as she looked at the complicated paths and she handed it back to Pollux. She glanced around at her sleeping squad and saw that one other person did not sleep. She inched closer, sighing as their eyes met.

“Have you eaten?” Peeta shook his head and shrugged. Katniss pulled out a can of chicken and rice and handed it to him, watching him swallow it in one gulp.

“Would have been nice to have that stuff in the Games, huh?” Peeta grinned.

“Hey, they sent us your favorite lamb stew. What could have been better?”

“This would have been nice to have earlier on. When we were starving and dying.” Peeta’s smile faded and he pulled himself into a sitting position, with a little difficulty due to his chained hands. 

“You hated me in that Arena. Real or not real?”

“That is the craziest thing to think, Peeta. I never hated you. I could never hate you.”

“You sure about that? After all I’ve done?” She saw his eyes dart to her stomach and she shook her head.

“No. I could never hate you.”

“But--“

“No,” she said more forcefully, glancing around quickly to make sure she hadn’t woken anyone up. Peeta watched her for a moment.

“So you didn’t try to kill me?”

“No, Peeta. I told you, I could never--“

“I know what you told me. And the memories they messed with are fuzzy, which is why I think you’re telling the truth. You found me by the river after I was wounded. Real or not real?”

“Real. Cato found out you were trying to save me.” He nodded, closing his eyes briefly.

“You went to the Cornicopia to get medicine for me, after I asked you not to go. You drugged me.”

“Real,” she said quietly. “Haymitch sent me sleep syrup to knock you out. I had to save you, Peeta.”

“You ran after me when they took me away on the hovercraft, after we were rescued. You were beating on the glass and screaming my name.” 

“Real. How did you know that? You were barely conscious.” He shrugged.

“I think they showed it to me but tried to make it look like you were telling them to kill me. I dunno, it just didn’t make sense.” She shook her head and he stared at her.

“You’re still trying to protect me. Real or not real?”

“Real. Because that’s what you and I do. Protect each other. I will never stop trying to protect you.” 

“I thought that was my job,” he said softly. “I haven’t been able to protect you for sometime now.”

“We protect each other,” she repeated. “You should try to sleep.” He moved to lie down and closed his eyes. She tentatively reached out a hand and pushed his hair out of his eyes. His eyes shot open and he froze but he didn’t recoil and after a moment of the affectionate gesture, he closed his eyes again. 

“You’ll always be there…to protect me,” he whispered sleepily, almost caught in his dreams. “Real or not real.” She leaned down and planted the lightest of kisses on his head.

“Real.” 

Katniss felt herself drifting off several times and had to jolt herself awake, casting worried glances around at the squad. Several hours later, Pollux got her attention and tapped his wrist and she nodded. They moved around the room, waking everyone up and there were the usual yawns and sounds of protest. But then there was something else as well. A sort of hissing noise. Finnick froze and his ears perked up.

“What is--“

“Katniss,” it hissed in an awful voice. Katniss gripped her bow with sweaty hands and looked around, alarmed at how close it seemed. 

“Katniss,” it said again. She froze and stared down at Peeta, whose lips were barely moving but when he spoke, she heard the hissing again. 

“Katniss.” Katniss swallowed, reaching back for an arrow. She should have known. Snow would force one of them to kill the other. That had been his plan all along. Peeta   
had been programmed to respond to the mutts, to join in on the hunt. Jackson had jumped to her feet and her head was jerking around, waiting for the mutts to appear. As Katniss was pulling her arrow across the bow, Peeta sat up, gasping for breath and his eyes wide with fear. 

“Katniss!” He looked around frantically, starting when he noticed her. It seemed he had not noticed the bow positioned at him.

“Katniss, get out of here!”

“Why? What’s making that sound?”

“I don’t know. Only that it has to kill you! Run! Get out of here! Go!” Taken back to a time when Peeta had cried those same words to her, she realized, once again, he was   
trying to save her. She lowered her bow and looked around.

“Whatever it is, it’s after me. Maybe we should split up.”

“No way,” Gale growled. 

“We’re your guard,” Jackson protested.

“AND your crew,” Cressida said, stepping forward. “We’re not leaving you.” They heard the hissing again, this time from a far ways off. Peeta was pale and his eyes met Katniss’s.

“Fine. Let’s get moving. Cressida, take my gun. Gale and I have our bows. Castor, take Peeta’s gun from Jackson. I want all of us armed.” The exchange was quick and they were all on their feet, moving swiftly. Katniss imagined the mutts were tracking them by their scent so she tried to step in water whenever she could. They were too loud but there was nothing to be done. They ran, as quickly as they could, trying to put as much distance between them and whatever horrors Snow had unleashed on them.


	27. Chapter 27

All of a sudden, the tunnels were filled with thick, guttural screams that made everyone wince.

“Avoxes,” Peeta said darkly. “That’s how Darius sounded when they tortured him.”

“The mutts mist have found them,” Gale said, glancing behind him. 

“That means they’re not just after Katniss.”

“It just means that they’ll kill anyone. They won’t stop until they get to her,” Cressida reasoned. Katniss paled.

“Look, let’s just split up. I’ll transfer the Holo to Jackson and can lead these things away from you guys! Peeta can lead the way to the mansion.”

“I’m not leading this mission, you are,” Peeta said hotly. 

“He’s right, we are following you and we are NOT splitting up,” Leeg said with a nod. Katniss shook her head and continued to run on. The hissing was now below them as   
well as behind them. When it came time to descend to a lower level, Katniss doubled up, gagging. Everyone held their weapons out and Gale ran to her side. 

“Masks on,” Jackson cried. But Katniss shook her head, still getting sick all over the floor. The strong smell of roses was overpowering the tunnels and Katniss struggled to remain in the present. Snow was coming at her with everything he had. He wanted her dead. And she knew it. 

“We have to keep moving,” Homes said shakily. Gale rubbed Katniss’s back a few times before she straightened up and nodded. They kept running until they ran right into several lethal pods.  
Katniss and Gale let their arrows fly and fortunately, destroyed the pod of flesh-eating rats immediately. Katniss glanced at the floor and saw something labeled meat grinder. She yelled for everyone to stay close as she skirted the outside of the floor but she felt a hand on her shoulder and she froze. She whirled around, while Finnick’s hand on her shoulder squeezed tightly, and her eyes widened as they found Messalla, frozen in a beam of light. Cressida ran toward him but Leeg held her back and Messalla’s eyes were wide with terror as his flesh began to melt off his body. Katniss felt herself heave and she turned away, burying her face in Finnick’s shirt. Peeta pushed everyone forward, grabbing Katniss’s shirt and making her stand.

“Can’t help him! Can’t!” He grabbed her hand and yanked her forward. “Keep moving!’ 

“Pods,” Gale yelled and a shower of bullets rained down on them. Several of them ducked and threw themselves to the side while the others fired back. 

“Aim for their legs,” Jackson yelled. “Peacekeepers armor is weak at the legs!” They fired back and brought down several peacekeepers. Finnick helped Katniss to her feet and pulled her out of the way. Peeta was covering his head, having no weapon and Katniss suddenly felt terrible for leaving him unarmed. She was on the verge of giving him her knife when she caught something out of the corner of her eye. At first she thought they were more peacekeepers, pushing themselves into the tunnel but with a closer look, she saw they weren’t even human. Huge and reptilian-like, with long tails and arched backs, their heads jutting forward and long tongues that darted out as they detected Katniss’s scent. Their eyes were red with hunger and murder.

“What IS that,” Gale said in a shaky voice. She snapped to her senses and shook her head.

“Everyone run! Now!”

The mutts hissed and came after them, swarming over the peacekeepers. Katniss did not look back but the agonized cries from behind her told her that a Capitol pedigree meant nothing to the creatures. Finnick turned and let out a weak cry as he saw the mutts ripping off the peacekeepers’ heads. 

“Finnick, keep running,” Peeta told him from behind him. Finnick snapped back around and picked up his pace.   
They made their way back to the meat grinder pod and huge mechanical teeth destroyed all of the tile. Katniss took a moment to clutch the stitch in her chest and she reached out to Pollux.

“Forget the mission. What’s the quickest way back up?” They didn’t even consult the Holo. Pollux pulled her into another drain and the rest of them followed. Avoiding the pods as best they could, they finally made their way to a ladder. Pollux pointed up and Katniss turned to her squad, frowning.

“Wait a second. Where are Jackson and Leeg?”

“They stayed behind at the meat grinder, to hold off the mutts.” Katniss did not speak but leaped around them, making her way back. Gale’s hand shot out and held her back.

“Don’t waste their lives, Katniss! It’s too late for them,” he gestured to where they saw the mutts slithering into the tunnel. Gale threw Katniss aside and Peeta reached out with shaky hands to grasp her wrist. Gale positioned his explosive arrows and fired several at the mutts. It deterred them only for a second. The rest of the squad opened fire with everything they had. Katniss stared at the mutts as they neared. Their white skin was smeared with blood and the scent of the roses was overpowering as they lashed their tongues out. Katniss could not seem to move and the others shouted at her.

“Peeta, get her!” But Peeta had closed his eyes and had backed against the wall, his hands covering his face. Gale lifted Katniss easily and slammed her into the ladder.

“Climb! Now!” Katniss blinked and looked up and saw Pollux holding his hand out to her. She glanced down and saw Peeta and Cressida below her, Gale behind them ushering for them to climb. Katniss could not see any of the others and Gale yelled at her to climb faster. Pollux heaved her up, then helped the others and Katniss waited at the edge, peering into the darkness. Gale’s head emerged and she hoisted him up, waiting for the rest. Gale had a gaping hole in the side of his neck and her hand darted out to stem the gore.

“But what about--“

“No,” Gale said weakly. A pained cry from below made her jump and she climbed to the edge.

“There’s someone down there! Someone’s alive! We have to help!”

“Katniss, no. There’s no one. Just the mutts.” Katniss shook her head and shone her light down the tunnel. She could just make out Finnick’s pale face as he struggled to hold onto the rungs of the ladder, while three mutts tore at him. 

“Finnick!” He looked up into her pleading face and he managed a weak smile, as one of the mutts yanked his head back, prepared to deliver the final blow. Katniss blinked and for a moment, it was as if she was somewhere else. Seeing different things, things she had never seen before. It took her a moment to realize she was seeing through Finnick’s eyes. The mast of a boat, a silver parachute, Mags laughing, Beetee’s trident, a pink sky, Annie twirling in her wedding dress, waves breaking over rocks, and finally, Annie holding a small bundle in her arms. Katniss’s last sight was a pair of sea-green eyes looking up at her from the blankets when she blinked and cried out as she heard Finnick’s strangled cry suddenly cut off. She grabbed the Holo with shaking hands and whispered “nightlock” three times, hurling it below her. Gale grabbed her and covered her as the explosion shook the tunnel and bits of mutt and human rained down on their shaking forms. Gale started to gag and Cressida was sick on the floor. Pollux slammed a cover over the mouth of the tunnel and locked it in place. Katnis rose to her knees and her eyes traveled over the small squad. Gale, Peeta, Cressida, and Pollux. That was all that was left. Katnis swallowed with some difficulty and shook her head.

“We can’t stop here,” she said weakly. “We need to move.” Gale nodded and stood, still holding his hand to his bleeding neck. Cressida handed her scarf over and Katniss tied it around his neck, stifling the blood. Everyone stood and brushed themselves off, gathering their weapons and preparing to leave. One, however, stayed huddled near the wall. Katniss crouched in front of Peeta and pulled his cuffed hands away from his face.

“Peeta?” He didn’t answer her. Didn’t even look at her. “Peeta!”   
When his eyes opened, she saw they were completely black with no trace of his blue irises. 

“Peeta, we have to move.”

“Leave me. I can’t hang on.”

“Yes! Yes you can!” He looked up at her and flexed his fingers, his muscles hard against the metal cuffs.

“I’m losing it, Katniss. I’m going mad. Like them. Just leave me to die.” Perhaps it was because she had watched one of the dearest people to her die, perhaps it was because half of her squad was dead, perhaps because she knew there was no hope of them surviving this, perhaps it was because she realized how much she would always love him, or perhaps it was because she just could not stand the hopelessness in Peeta’s eyes but she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He froze in place, his body shuddering underneath her, and his lips unmoving but she kept kissing him until she had to come up for air. Her hands moved to grip his wrists, then slid into his hands. 

“Do not let him take you from me,” she whispered. Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and started to pant, shaking his head.

“No,” he whimpered. “I don’t want…” Katniss grasped his hands tightly, their fingers entwining.

“Stay with me, Peeta.” His eyes shot open at her words and she could see the blue returning. 

“Always,” he breathed. Katniss pulled him to his feet and glanced at Pollux.

“How far to the street?” Pollux pointed up and Katniss nodded, climbing up the last ladder and pushing open the lid to someone’s utility room. She helped pull the rest of them up and was rising to her feet when the door opened and a woman walked in, the expression on her face turning to one of pure shock and alarm. The butterflies in her magenta hair fell as she shook her head, opening her mouth to call for help. Katniss wasted no time in pulling an arrow taut and firing it into her heart. They watched the woman fall and they immediately searched the rest of the apartment, finding that she lived alone. Katniss was exhausted but she insisted that they keep moving, that it was only a matter of time before the peacekeepers were upon them. Gale went to the bathroom to clean his wound and search for bandages. Pollux was weeping silently next to the fireplace and Peeta was settled on the sofa, biting a pillow to either fight off the madness or to hold in his screams. Katniss hurried to the window and peered out. 

“Cressida, what’s happening?” The woman joined Katniss at the window and frowned.

“Evacuations. They’re clearing the city. But I know where we are. We’re not five blocks from the president’s mansion.” 

“Good. Let’s check the closet.” Cressida and Katniss hurried into the bedroom and rustled through, pulling out clothing for disguises. In the back they found mens’ clothes as well so they tossed many of the clothes onto the bed and called the others in. Peeta trudged in and Katniss’s eyes went to his bloody wrists.

“Here,” she started to pull the key out of her pocket but he jerked his hands back and shook his head.

“Don’t. They hold me together.”

“What if you need your hands? You can’t really defend yourself,” Gale said with a frown.

“When I feel myself slipping, I dig my wrists into them and the pain helps me focus,” Peeta explained meekly. Katniss simply nodded and turned away to dress. 

Since it was cold outside, they could hide their clothing under heavy coats and jackets. Gale bit his lip.

“Every citizen in Panem knows yours and Peeta’s faces. What are we going to do?”

“Come here,” Cressida called out and started applying heavy make up to both of them. Gale found wigs and scarves and Cressida tied the scarves over Katniss’s mouth and nose, then over Peeta’s. Katniss then helped Cressida put make up on Gale and Pollux, in case they were recognized, and she hurried to the kitchen to stuff her pockets with whatever food she could find. Peeta appeared in the kitchen, with green hair, a long purple coat, red boots, and a blue and pink scarf wrapped around his head. Katniss could not stop the laugh from escaping her throat and Peeta stared at her grumpily.

“I feel ridiculous.”

“If it’s any consolation, you look pretty ridiculous.”

“Thanks.” When everyone joined them, Katniss took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Stay together,” she whispered and joined the throng of people in the street. Capitol citizens hurried past muttering about the rebels and her, and she felt someone squeeze her hand. Gale marched alongside her while Peeta flanked her other side. Cressida paused as they passed someone’s living room, seeing them flash an emergency report with the squad’s faces. Finnick’s face was clear among them so they had not yet identified the deceased yet. Katniss knew, however, that soon it was going to be impossible to be on the streets.

“Cressida, can you think of anywhere to go?” Cressida opened her mouth to answer but the siren wailing stopped her. Peeta jumped beside her and started shaking. Katniss reached down and squeezed his hand and he instantly relaxed. 

“There is one place. It’s not ideal but let’s try it,” Cressida said, hurrying forward to lead the way. She leads them down several blocks and into a residential area, coming out into a strip of stores. She started to babble in a high-pitched Capitol voice about fur underwear and she gestured for them to follow her inside one of the stores. Once inside, she hurried to the back and seemed to be searching for someone. When a tiny figure emerged, Katniss took a step back. It was the strangest face she had ever seen, even for the Capitol. She had black and and gold stripes tattooed on her face, her nose had been flattened so that it was barely visible and she had long cat whiskers. Katniss swallowed while Cressida nodded to the cat-woman.

“Tigris. We need your help.” 

 

“Plutarch said you could be trusted,” Cressida added. Tigris let out what seemed to be a low hiss and she beckoned for them to follow her. Katniss tentatively followed her to the back of the shop, where she shoved some fur pelts aside, revealing a narrow space one could slide into. Katniss swallowed and turned to face Tigris. Would this woman betray them? She seemed like the type of woman who would. But Katniss remembered hearing this name. Cinna had told her about her. She had once been a stylist. But then…

“Did Snow ban you from the Games?” Tigris’s face screwed up and her eyes narrowed. Katniss nodded in understanding. “Because I’m going to kill him, you know.” The woman’s face curled up into a sly smile and she nodded as Katniss lead the way into the basement, or what could pass for a basement. When the others joined her downstairs, they heard the panel slide close and the rack of furs being moved back. Katniss watched the ceiling as they heard Tigris’s footsteps making their way back to her stool. They sighed and all collapsed from exhaustion. Katniss grabbed a few pelts and made beds for them all, urging them all to rest. Gale sat and waited while Katniss pulled out the medical supplies she had smuggled away from the apartment, and tended to his wound. She bit her lip and looked Gale in the eye.

“It needs stitches.” He merely nodded and turned his neck back to her. Katniss felt nausea wash over her but she realized she was the only one for the job, so after finding the sterile needle and thread in the kit, she stitched his skin back together as best she could. After spreading some medicine on it and giving him some painkillers, she ruffled his hair and gave him a weak smile.

“You can rest now. It’s safe here.” Gale lay down on his side and was out seconds later. Cressida and Pollux were snoring as well and Katniss went to sit next to Peeta. She reached into her pocket for the key and his eyes widened.

“No Katniss.”

“I need to clean them, Peeta. I’ll put them back on as soon as I’m finished.” Reluctantly, he allowed her to uncuff him and tend to his wounds. She cleaned and bandaged them, before allowing the cuffs to slide back into place.

“You need to keep them clean. Otherwise the infection can spread and--“

“I know what blood poisoning is, Katniss. Even if my mother isn’t a healer.” Remembering those exact words coming from his mouth over a year ago, she looked up at him with wide eyes.

“You said that same thing to me in the first Games. Real or not real?” 

“Real,” he said with a firm nod. “That was before you risked your life getting the medicine to save me.” She nodded and he stared at her for a moment.

“Why won’t you give up on me?” 

“I don’t give up on people.”

“Except yourself?” Her brow raised.

“When have I given up on myself?” He was about to answer but he shut his mouth again and the muscles under his cuffs strained. He closed his eyes and Katniss watched him fighting off the hijacked memories.

“I’m so tired, Katniss,” his voice sounded a million miles away.

“Go to sleep. You’re safe, I won’t let anything happen to you.” He lifted his hands and looked over her head.

“Chain me to something.”

“What? Peeta, no-“

“Do it, Katniss. I don’t want to wake up and find that I’ve killed someone. Please,” he added in a frail voice and she reluctantly shackled him to one of the stair supports. With his arms over his head, he finally settled down and fell asleep in minutes. Katniss went back to her fur pelt and tried to keep her eyes open but failed miserably. She decided that there was no point. If peacekeepers came into the shop, they were trapped. There was no point in setting up a guard. She stretched out and closed her eyes, praying the nightmares would stay away.


	28. Chapter 28

When she woke, Cressida informed her it was late afternoon. Katniss swallowed down a can of beef stew and washed it down with water. As she sat agains the wall, she counted the deaths in her head. 

It’s my fault, the thought echoed inside her head, they all died, protecting me on a mission that I fabricated. What if I just turned myself in? The rest of them would be safe.

A little while later, Gale, Pollux, and Peeta all woke up around the same time. Katniss was hunched over against the wall and she sighed. She didn’t want to voice her decision. She knew the others would yell, would tell her she was too valuable, would tell her they would protect her. She didn’t want any more protecting. She didn’t want anyone else dying for her. 

“So how are we going to get to Snow,” Gale said as he rubbed his face.

“We’re not far from his mansion. But it’s sure to be well-protected,” Cressida said darkly.

“We need to get him out in the open. Then one of us could kill him.” 

“Does he ever appear in public anymore?” Peeta asked.

“I doubt it. In all the recent speeches I have seen, he’s been in the mansion. Isn’t that where he was keeping you for awhile?”

“I was taken back and forth between the cell underground and the mansion,” Peeta said with a shrug. “At first when he wanted to seem accommodating, when he was playing nice and pretending that he was trying to help Johanna and me, he invited us to the mansion. Later when we were…invited again, it was for, um, a less pleasant situation.” Katniss stared at him across the room, her heart aching for the tortured victors. 

“Well, I imagine he’s become more vigilant after Finnick aired his crimes,” Cressida said hastily. Peeta frowned.

“Aired his crimes?”

“You didn’t see any of the props they filmed?” He shook his head.

“They kept anything to do with the rebels away from us. The first time I saw anything was when I was being tortured and Snow came in to tell me to persuade Katniss to call for a cease-fire. He said he would spare her life if the rebels fell so I had to try. Something happened to the TV in the cell and I saw Katniss speaking in District 12. But they got rid of it quick. At least at that point I knew she was alive.” Katniss couldn’t seem to look away from him and he turned so that his eyes met hers. 

“I bet he’d come out…for me,” she said, not breaking their gaze. “If I were captured.” Peeta’s eyes widened and she finally looked away, glancing at the rest of her squad. “I mean, he’d want that public as possible, right? He’d want my execution on his front steps. So Gale could shoot him from the audience.” 

“No,” Peeta was the first one to speak. “No. Too many things could go wrong. He could decide to keep you and torture you. Or have you executed publicly without being present. Or he could kill you inside the mansion and have your body displayed out front.” 

“What do you think, Gale?”

“Katniss-“ Peeta tried to speak but she spoke over him.

“Gale?” Gale’s eyes flicked from Peeta to Katniss.

“It seems like an extreme solution to jump to immediately,” he said carefully. “Let’s try to think of some other solutions. Maybe if all else fails, we can try that but--“

“No!” Peeta said, shaking his head. “No, we won’t even try that. I’ll hand myself in before you get caught.”

“He doesn’t want you, he wants me,” Katniss snapped.

“Katniss, think about this--“ but the sound of the panel sliding made them all fall silent and they waited with baited breath.

“Come up,” came a low growl. “I have food for you.” Katniss went to unchain Peeta and walked away from him without meeting his eyes.

“Did you contact Plutarch, Tigris,” Cressida asked as they climbed the stairs.

“No way to. He’ll figure out you’re in a safe house though.” Katniss swallowed, relieved that they hadn’t received any kind of messages or orders from District 13. Tigris set down a tray of moldy cheese, stale pieces of bread, and half a bottle of mustard. Katniss bit her lip and mentioned the food they had smuggled but Tigris waved her hand.

“I hardly eat anything anyway.” Katniss scraped of the mold and divided it up for everyone. As they ate, Tigris switched on the news so they could see the latest. They had identified the deceased and announced there were five left and that they were highly dangerous. The Capitol offered huge bounties for any information. The star-crossed lovers, especially, were to be dragged in dead or alive. Katniss felt Peeta’s eyes on her but she did not look his way. She noticed that this broadcast ran uninterrupted and that Beetee had not tried to insert any rebel footage. She bit her lip.

“I doubt Coin knows what to do with me now that I’m still alive.”

“No one knows what to do with you girlie,” Tigris cackled. Katniss heard Gale coughing behind her and swore it was to cover up his laughter. Tigris pressed a pair of fur-lined underwear into Katniss’s hands and ushered them all back downstairs. Katniss squeezed Tigris’s hand in thanks before the panel slid closed.

 

No one had much to say so they changed bandages, handcuffed Peeta back to the support at his insistence, and settled down to go to sleep. When Katniss awoke several hours later, she heard muffled voices. Raising her head, she realized it was Peeta and Gale.

“Thanks for the water,” Peeta said.

“No problem. I wake up ten times a night anyway.”

“To make sure Katniss is still here?”

“Something like that.” There was a pause before Peeta spoke again.

“That was funny, what Tigris said. About no one knowing what to do with her.”

“Well we never have.” The boys shared a laugh and Katniss frowned in the dark. To hear them speaking so civil, like…friends. 

“She loves you, you know,” she heard the sadness in Peeta’s voice. “I saw her after they whipped you. And you could take better care of her than I ever could.”

“Stop it, Peeta. I may not have understood at the beginning…ok, there are parts I still don’t understand but I’ve seen the way she looks at you. The way she lights up. When I see you two together…I mean, really happy, that’s a side of Katniss I have never known.”

“I was just a part of the show. It was always just an act to her.” 

“No, you won her over. Gave up everything for her. Maybe that’s the only way to convince her you love her,” Gale paused and then , “I should have taken your place in the first Games. Protected her then.”

“You couldn’t. She’d never have forgiven you. You had to take care of her family. They matter more to her than her life.” She heard Peeta sigh deeply. “Family means everything to Katniss. And I’ve completely destroyed her future.”

“Don’t say that. You can still be together, Peeta. You can still have the future you want with her. After all of this is over, you can take her away from here and prove to her how much you love her.”

“I wish it were that easy, Gale. But we’ll never be the same after this. And it’s got to be a sign, right? You said it yourself. Nothing about that baby was innocent so that’s why it’s gone.” Katniss drew a sharp breath and listened intently for Gale’s reply.

“Don’t you dare say that. I was wrong, ok? I didn’t realize how much she loves you. She may not have wanted it in the beginning but Katniss will make a great mother one day. And you’ll make a great father. After you two have had some time to heal, you can try again and do everything right by her.” There was a long pause and she heard Gale set something down.

“When did you fall in love with her, Gale? You knew her longer than I did.”

“I’ve heard your side of the story, Peeta. About falling in love when you were five. You noticed her long before I did. I’m sorry that I always gave you a hard time about it. She tagged alongside me in the woods for years and I always thought of her as a little sister. An annoying little sister,” they shared another laugh. “but I watched her grow up and take care of Prim. She astounded me with her resilience and courage. I started to see her differently about six months before the Reaping. When one of our Peacekeepers was hitting on her. I found that I minded. I think that’s why I found it so hard to watch you with her in the Games. I felt like you were taking my girl. But…you had eyes for her way before I did.”

“I watched her walk home from school everyday,” Peeta sighed. “After the day with the bread, I kept a close eye on her and noticed she was looking healthier. Stronger. I watched her with Prim and I watched her disappear beyond the fence. When my brothers got older, I was the only one who helped Dad in the Bakery. Mom stayed upstairs, tending to the books and things. So Dad asked me about her. “Have you seen your songbird today,” he would ask me and I would blush like a beet and he would laugh at me. I remember, on Katniss’s fourteenth birthday, he gave me some extra ingredients so that I was able to bake her a cake. It wasn’t a big grand one by any means but I don’t imagine she had many cakes growing up. I was so excited, you should have seen me, dancing around the kitchen, this big stupid grin on my face as I frosted it and created tiny frosted katniss flowers to put on it. I was about to write her name on it in green frosting…I didn’t know her favorite color but she seemed so, one with the earth, so I thought green was a good color for her…found out after the Games that it’s her favorite color! Anyway, I was about to finish it when my mom came down the stairs. Dad tried to distract her but she saw the cake and she got really angry. Screamed at Dad for giving me the ingredients, then she grabbed it and said she was going to sell it. When I stood up to her, she hit me with the rolling pin and I fell to the floor. I should have just let her take it but I had made it for Katniss, this was the moment I was finally going to speak up and tell her I had a crush on her. So I got up and told Mom to go to hell and I tried to grab the cake. She hit me in the head with the pin and knocked me out. Dad tried to stop her but he was always really quiet and kind. He couldn’t ever stand up to her. Even when it came to protecting my brothers and me. I stayed upstairs in my room for the rest of the night and didn’t even wish Katniss a happy birthday. I just…let her walk by. As usual.” There was silence after Peeta’s story and Katniss blinked back tears. Not only had his story shaken her (it was the first time she had heard him speak about his family since the bombing) but the fact that he could so clearly remember those things and not have an attack meant wonders of improvement. Perhaps Gale and Finnick and Cressida and everyone else were right. Perhaps they did stand a chance of surviving, for each other. 

“I’m sorry, Peeta,” Gale said quietly. “There was never any choice. You two belong together.”

“If anything happens to me, Gale…you have to promise to take care of her. Love her as I always have. Please.”

“I promise, Peeta.” She heard the scuffling of the chains and heard Gale stretch out and lie down. She blinked in the darkness, her heart racing, her tears staining her cheeks. There was never any choice. Had she chosen Peeta? Or had they naturally come together because that was what was meant to be? Feeling her mind race uncomfortably, she lay back down and tried her best to go to sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

The next morning Tigris invited them all up to watch the TV again and they paid close attention as Beetee interrupted the broadcast again. The rebels tried a new method by sending in cars to activate the pods. Katniss made her way to the window and saw more refugees making their way through the street, some fully dressed with all their belongings and others in their robes and PJs, clinging to each other. Katniss felt guilt all over, felt that this was all her fault but then she reminded herself, it was the Capitol’s fault. She was doing everything she could to liberate them from the Capitol. Tigris offered to go outside and act as a spy to find out what was happening with the evacuations and where Snow was. They waited for her to return, impatient and silent. After several hours of speculating where she could be or what could have happened to her, the panel slid open and Tigris told them all to come back upstairs. The aroma of meat cooking met them and Katniss actually started to drool. They sat down to a wonderful meal of chopped ham and potatoes and their stomachs growled hungrily. It was their first hot meal in so long and Tigris explained that fur-lined underwear could still be worth something. 

They watch the TV again and were distressed to see Peacekeepers explaining that the Capitol citizens were now responsible for houseguests, as were shop-owners. Peeta bit his lip and glanced at Tigris.

“That could mean you, Tigris. Peacekeepers could come knocking at your door any minute.” They all exchanged worried glances and mutually agreed that this would be their last night. Gale cleared his throat loudly and jerked his head toward the TV. 

“--identified as District 12 Victor, Peeta Mellark. Sources say that the crowd proceeded to beat him to death--“ Katniss stared blankly at Peeta, who shrugged in confusion. A picture came onto the screen and apart from his blonde curls, the boy did not resemble Peeta in any way. Katniss breathed, shaking her head and Cressida frowned at the screen. 

“People have lost their minds.” 

“Well,” Gale said, glancing uncomfortably at Peeta, “if they think he’s dead, maybe he has more of a chance to…” he fell silent when the reporter came back on.

“-has been confirmed that the victim was NOT Peeta Mellark but seventeen year old Brian Parches. We join his family in their mourning. In addition, any rebel activity should be reported immediately. Any sightings of the Mockingjay or any of her accomplices should be reported immediately.” Katniss cleared her throat and jumped to her feet.

“Let me do the dishes.” 

“I’ll give you a hand,” Gale said as they walked into the kitchen. Katniss felt Peeta’s narrowed eyes on her as she walked out. 

“Do you think it’s true,” she asked as she piled the dishes into the soapy suds. “Do you think Snow will let refugees come into his mansion?”

“He has to now, for the cameras at least.”

“I’m leaving in the morning.” Gale watched her for a moment but nodded.

“I’m going with you. What should we do with the others?”

“Pollux and Cressida could be helpful. They’re good guides and know the city. But Peeta is too…”

“Unpredictable,” Gale finished. “Yes he is but hasn’t he proven that he can handle himself pretty well?”

“Look at you, standing up for him. He could go mutt at any time, Gale, and could kill us.”

“I’m not standing up for him. I know he’s still dangerous. I just think…you have to give him credit, is all. Everything that he’s been through and he’s still fighting like hell to be normal. He’s doing it for you.” Katniss chose to ignore this as she vigorously scrubbed at the plates. Gale sighed.

“Do you think he’d let us leave him behind?” 

“We can ask. He’s not stupid. He knows what’s at stake. And he knows he could be endangering us.”   
Still, Katniss was surprised how quickly Peeta agreed to staying behind. Katniss breathed a sigh of relief as she thought about Peeta waiting out the war in Tigris’s basement but her jaw dropped when he announced he was going out on his own.

“To do what exactly,” Cressida asked.

“I’m not sure. The one thing I might be useful at is causing a diversion. You saw what happened to the boy who looked like me. If I could lead them away from Katniss, she might stand a chance at getting into the mansion without peacekeepers noticing.” 

“Peeta,” Katniss said, forcing her voice to remain calm. “What if you...”

“Lose control? Go mutt? Well if I feel that coming on, I’ll try to get back here.” It wasn’t what she was going to ask but she fell silent and he watched her carefully. 

“And what if Snow gets you again? You don’t even have a gun,” Gale pointed out. Katniss suddenly had the image of Peeta back in Snow’s grasp, tortured beyond all recognition and all point of return. She stifled a sob and shook her head. Peeta’s eyes darted to her for a moment and softened.

“I’ll have to take my chances, like the rest of you. I’ll be alright,” he added, more to her than anyone else. Gale reached into his pocket and withdrew a purple tablet, and placed it in Peeta’s hand. Peeta stared at it, neither accepting nor rejecting.

“But what about you,” he asked quietly.

“Beetee showed me how to detonate my arrows by hand. If that fails, I have a knife and Katniss. She won’t give them the satisfaction of taking me alive.” Peeta stared at his palm and Katniss saw him writhing in chains as peacekeepers dove on top of him. She reached out and closed his hand around it.

“Take it, Peeta. No one will be there to help you. And I can’t…” she trailed off and turned away, impatiently wiping away her tears. Gale and Peeta stared after her and she excused herself, going back downstairs to settle on her fur pelt, wondering why the hell she was so emotional all the time.   
She heard the others coming down the stairs and she pretended to be asleep. Peeta knew better but said nothing as he quietly asked Gale to chain him to the stair support before they went to bed. 

Katniss’s sleep was plagued by nightmares so she did not hesitate to jump to her feet at five to prepare for the day ahead of them. Tigris decided to remake all of them and went to great lengths to fix their wigs and make-up. She equipped them all with handbags and various knickknacks so now they looked exactly like the refugees outside. 

“Never underestimate the power of a brilliant stylst,” Peeta said with a weak smile. Tigris blushed under her stripes and gently patted his cheek. 

“Alright Katniss. How do you want to do this?” Cressida asked, hoisting her handbag over her shoulder.

“Let’s go in groups of three. Cressida and Pollux, you first. You can be our guides and Gale and I will follow from a little ways away. We’ll get into the group that is going to Snow’s mansion. Peeta, you come behind us and be ready to cause a diversion should we need it.” They all nodded and stood in front of the door, waiting. Tigris watched through the curtains, then opened the door when the time was right.

“Take care,” Cressida whispered before they swept into the crowd. Katniss remembered something and dug into her pocket, bringing out the key to Peeta’s cuffs. She unlocked them and stuffed them into her pocket, watching him as he rubbed his wrists.

“Peeta,” she said in a choked voice. “Don’t do anything foolish.”

“No, it’s last-resort stuff. Completely.” She wished she could kiss him. It felt too much like their last night in the Quarter Quell and she wanted to fling herself into his arms and never leave them again. But when she forced her eyes to meet his, they were glassy and confused. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood there for just a moment. He hesitated only for a moment before his arms came up and wrapped around her, reminding her of the terror-filled nights on the train. She took a step back and took a deep breath.

“Come back to me,” she said in a whisper and wasn’t sure if he had heard her. He reached out a shaky hand and she tensed. His fingers gently grasped the end of her braid and the word “always” drifted on a light breath from his lips. 

“It’s time,” Tigris said and Katniss turned away. She kissed Tigris on the cheek, fastened her hooded cloak, pulled up her scarf and followed Gale out into the cold. Peeta watched the red-hood disappear into the crowd and he muttered a thank you to Tigris before he hurried out behind them. 

The streets were packed and Gale pulled Katniss to his side so she would not be swept away by the crowd. Peacekeepers directed traffic and yelled to the refugees to keep to the right. Katniss strained to see any sight of Cressida and Pollux but they were too far ahead of her. She turned to look for Peeta but did not see him; instead a small girl in a yellow raincoat caught her eye and she looked surprised. Katniss whirled around and bit her lip.

“We might need to split up,” she said in a low voice. “There’s a little girl--“ but she was cut off by the sound of gunfire and screams. Gale pushed her to the ground and they scurried over underneath an awning. 

“Can you see who it is?” Katniss’s eyes were scanning the crowd and stopped on the little girl in the yellow raincoat. She was kneeling next to a motionless woman and seemed to be screaming. Katniss swallowed and her eyes scanned over the people, searching for a sign of blonde curls.

“Katniss!” She jumped as Gale elbowed her and he gestured upward.

“They’re shooting from the roof. It’s got to be the rebels, shooting for the Peacekeepers. What do you think?”

“If we start shooting now, that’s it. We’ve given ourselves away. We need to keep moving.” He nodded and followed her as they stood, ducking to avoid the gunfire.   
Everywhere they looked it was chaos. Pods were activated. Some sort of strange purple light caused blood to pour from the refugees’ orifices and further on down the block, a red gas knocked many to the ground, writhing and then still. Peacekeepers fired at the rebels, the rebels fired at the Peacekeepers. Katniss held onto her bow; if she shot anyone now, everyone would know exactly who she was. She and Gale kept low and Katniss gasped.

“Get down!” They both dropped to the ground, their cheeks resting in a pool of blood as Peacekeepers hurried past. Some would crush her hand, some would kick her in the head with their boots but she remained perfectly still until they had passed. When it was clear, she caught Gale’s eye and nodded. On the next block there are more refugees than peacekeepers. Katniss spotted it too late. 

“Run!” But the pod had activated and a seam split the street, folding it in half and allowing the earth to swallow up the Capitol’s citizens. Katniss choked on the foul stench of rotting corpses from below and she did her best to hold onto the lamppost. Somehow she managed to hoist herself up and she panted, still on her hands and knees.

“Gale? Gale!”

“Over here.” She looked over to see him hanging desperately to an iron grating around an apartment door. Others were holding onto whatever they could grip. Doorknobs, mailboxes, lampposts. Gale kicked at the door desperately but no one came to his aid. Katniss lifted her gun and aimed.

“Cover yourself,” she yelled to him and he turned away just in time. She fired and blew the door open and Gale was able to slide in. He fell to the floor, panting, until her scream alerted him. At the same time he felt white hands grasp him and he started to fight back. His eyes met hers and he mouthed something but she was too distraught   
to interpret. His eyes widened and he mouthed it again and she shook her head.

“What?” The white hands yanked him to his feet and started to look around. 

“Go! Run, now!” Katniss turned and ran from the pod as fast as her feet could carry her. She was alone. Cressida and Pollux could be among the deceased on the ground. Gale was a prisoner, sure to be tortured or executed. And Peeta…she hadn’t seen him either. What had become of him? Had he detected trouble and gone back to Tigris’s? No. She knew without a doubt that he was somewhere in the crowd. That he had seen what was happening and still intended to protect her. She blinked back tears as she ran. All of a sudden she stopped, feeling a pain seize her around the middle.  
Shoot me. That’s what Gale had been telling her. They had agreed that the Capitol would not take them alive. And the first thing that would have happened was the Peacekeepers stripping Gale of his weapons. He wouldn’t have been able to reach his arrows. Her shaking hand covered her mouth and she wept. What had she done? She had abandoned her best friend to a fate, possibly the same fate Peeta had met? A disturbance ahead forced her to focus and she gripped her bow as she continued on. They were heading for the City Circle, right across from the President’s mansion. Katniss could see a pen filled with Capitol children and she frowned as she approached. Huddled in groups, toddlers to teenagers, they weren’t being led into the mansion. They were Snow’s human shield. Katniss glanced up and saw a hovercraft bearing a Capitol seal and moments later, silver parachutes were raining down on the children. They ran to grab the gifts, sure they were treats of some kind. Parachutes still meant food and gifts in the Capitol. The hovercraft vanished and that’s when many of the parachutes exploded.

Screams pierced the air. Blood stained the snow. Tiny bodyparts were scattered all over the ground. Peacekeepers started to run into the pen and Katniss knew this was a shock to them. Another flock of white uniforms were running beyond the barricades and Katniss immediately recognized them. Medic uniforms. Rebel medic uniforms.  
Katniss’s wide eyes caught sight of a blonde braid and she ran into the crowd. As Prim took off her coat to comfort a crying child, Katniss saw the untucked tail of her shirt and she screamed her name. It was the Reaping all over again. She ran toward her sister, crying her name, her heart beating out of her chest. Prim turned and her eyes widened when she saw Katniss. Her lips were just forming her name when the rest of the parachutes exploded.

Peeta watched from the crowd, listening to them murmer incessantly about why the Capitol would bomb children. He then saw rebel medics running in and heard her terrified cry. He saw her long braid flapping against her back as she ran to her sister and his eyes followed her, wide and terrified. He started to run toward her, his heart twisting at the sound of her fear. But before he could reach her he heard another explosion and saw everything burst into flame. Including his girl on fire.


	30. Chapter 30

Peeta’s eyes opened groggily and he immediately felt pain. He tried to sit up but found it too difficult to move. Glancing down, he noticed a thin blanket covered his naked body and he was attached to machines. His eyes scanned the room until they stopped on Haymitch, who was snoring in a chair against the wall.

“Haymitch.” His voice was dry and cracked and he had to clear his throat and try again.

“Haymitch!”  
Haymitch jumped and looked around.

“Well welcome back to the living, boy. How are you feeling?”

“Um…not so great. What…what happened?” Before Haymitch could answer, however, Peeta felt a wrench in his heart and he sat straight up.

“Katniss!”

“Easy, easy. She’s alive.” Peeta started to lean back but he stopped.

“Alive? Is she…is she ok?” Haymitch’s mouth was a thin line and Peeta watched him, terrified.

“Haymitch?”

“She was a human torch, Peeta. You both were. And she just lost the person she loves most in this world. Of course she’s not ok.” Peeta blinked back tears as it all came back to him. Prim catching fire and screaming Katniss’s name. Katniss screaming Prim’s name as she ran toward her burning sister. Peeta screaming Katniss’s name as he tried to get to her. There was a whole lot of screaming and burning and dying. 

“Where is she,” he asked, his voice cracking again.

“She’s down in the hall. They’re…the doctors are trying to, well, make her new skin. The fire destroyed her but all Plutarch can talk about is how lucky they are that her face was spared. Bastard,” he added bitterly and Peeta agreed with his sentiments. “Peeta, ah…there’s something else you should know as well.” Peeta waited for the worst.

“Sweetheart isn’t talking.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t really understand it…the doctors said there was damage to her vocal cords but it shouldn’t have done any lasting damage. Dr. Aurelis has been treating her and he says she’s become a mental Avox.” 

“What does that--“

“Her emotional trauma brought on silence. We don’t know if it’s permanent.” Peeta swallowed while his eyes burned. He forced himself to focus his thoughts elsewhere, else he would go mad and probably storm through the halls demanding to see her. 

“So what happened? With the Capitol, I mean?”

“The rebels won. Snow is being held somewhere around here until he is tried and most likely executed. Coin has promised Katniss that the Mockingay will be the one to kill Snow. They’re just waiting for her to heal up.” 

“What about the rest of the squad?”

“Well, you know you lost most of the squad,” Peeta nodded and waited for news. “Cressida and Pollux both survived, they were sent out to cover the wreckage of the war. Gale was captured by Peacekeepers but tried to escape, so he was shot twice. Didn’t even phase him I don’t think.” Peeta’s mind raced as he remembered that that was it. That was all that was left of the Star Squad. So many lives lost. So many destroyed. 

“Haymitch…does Annie know-?”

“When the Capitol was making out like all of you had died, we didn’t know what to think. She wouldn’t believe it until Cressida confirmed it. She’s been heavily sedated for several days.” Peeta’s hands came up and gripped his hair tightly, bringing his knees up to his face and weeping silently. 

“I’ll let you rest, kid. And I’ll let Sweetheart know you’re awake.”

“Haymitch. Tell her…tell her I…”

“I’ll tell her, kid,” Haymitch clapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll tell her.” 

 

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. There is no District 12. I am the Mockingjay. I brought down the Capitol. President Snow hates me. He killed my sister. Now I will kill him. I was pregnant with Peeta’s child. There is no child. Peeta is lost. I will kill Snow. And then the Hunger Games will be over.... 

Katniss tore her gaze from the mirror when she heard the knock on the door. She had moved into a room with her mother but all her mother did was work and sleep. Katniss barely saw her. They hadn’t had any time to grieve together. Haymitch peered in and tried to smile. It had fallen to him to check on her and it was a hard task. But he had promised the boy he would and he made sure she was eating and taking her medicines. Katniss was standing in front of the mirror, in a bra and underwear and a robe she was holding open. Haymitch’s eyes traveled over the patchwork skin and he shook his head.

“How you feeling today, sweetheart?”

“Same as everyday. Any idea when this thing will happen?”

“Coin said soon. In fact, after Dr Aurelius comes to see you, we have been summoned to a meeting.”

“Nice of them to tell me. Or is it your job to tell me things now, since everyone else seems too scared of me?”

“My job. And one person isn’t too scared of you. He’s right down the hall, been asking to see you.”

“I…I can’t--“

“Of course he knows you don’t want to see him. He asks me everyday how you are doing. He was happy to hear that you were talking again. Guess you can’t yell at him when you’re silent.”

“Feels like I’m sinking, Haymitch. I’m sinking deeper and deeper and I don’t know what to do.”

“I thought you were a good swimmer,” he said, turning away and looking for some sort of liquor. Katniss frowned after him. 

“I had another nightmare last night.”

“When do you not have nightmares, mockingjay,” he said dismissively. Katniss’s eyes welled with tears and she shook her head. He turned back to her and silently cursed himself. Peeta would be after him if he knew that he was here making his girl cry. 

“Not funny, Katniss. I’m sorry.”

“Just go. I’ll see you at the meeting.” She stormed into her bedroom and slammed the door shut. Haymitch sighed heavily and left the room.  
Katniss dressed quickly, her skin still tender and sore. She tried to put her hair into a braid but most of it had been singed off and it was chopped at odd lengths. She shook it behind her and opened the door to the grand hallway.   
The smell of roses overpowered her as she made her way down the hall. She briefly hid behind a large vase, waiting for the mutts to pass her by, until she realized that there were no mutts. She smelled real roses and she followed the smell downstairs. How appropriate it would be, to pluck a rose to place in Snow’s lapel for his execution. She continued on her way and stopped, surprised, when she saw two guards standing firm. She waited for a moment, to see if they would let her pass or would block her way. She started forward but the man snapped to action.

“Sorry Miss, you can’t go in.”

“Soldier,” the woman corrected him. “Soldier Everdeen. I’m sorry but you cannot enter.” Katniss said nothing, only waited. 

“Let her go in,” said a voice from behind her. She whirled around and the rebel soldiers straightened up. Paylor from District 8 was making her way forward and she nodded to Katniss.

“On my authority, she has a right to anything beyond that door.” They dropped their weapons and allowed her to pass.   
It lead into a green house, filled with roses of every color. She admired them despite the suffocating smell and searched for THE rose. 

There. She had seen it. A pretty white bud just beginning to open. She pulled her sleeve down over her hand so that she would not have to touch the stem and picked up the shears from the table nearby. Just as she was about to snap the stem, a voice rang out.

“That’s a nice one.” Her hand jerked as the shears snapped the stem, slicing her hand in the process. Katniss brought her hand up to her lips, waiting.

“The colors are lovely of course but nothing says perfection like white.” She slowly turned around the corner and found him sitting on a stool against the wall. Well- groomed, chained, pale, sickly, and menacing as ever. He held a white handkerchief to his mouth and she saw it was spotted with red. 

“There are so many things we should discuss but I have a feeling your visit will be brief. So, first thing’s first,” he was interrupted by a violent fit of coughing that soaked the handkerchief in blood. “I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about your sister.” Katniss’s heart clenched and she squeezed the rose in her hand. The thorns pricked her fingers but she took no notice. Snow nodded.

“So wasteful. So unncessary. Anyone could see the games were over by that point. In fact I was just about to issue an official surrender when they released those parachutes.” His eyes remained locked on Katniss, waiting for her reaction. Her brow furrowed and her hands shook. He nodded again. 

“You don’t really think that I gave the order, do you? Forget the obvious fact that if I’d had a working hovercraft at my disposal, I’d have been using it to make my escape. But that aside, what purpose could it have served? We both know I am not above killing children but I’m not wasteful, Miss Everdeen. I take life for specific reasons. And there was no reason at all for me to destroy a pen full of Capitol children.” He paused for another coughing fit and Katniss did not know if she wanted to run from that spot or stay and listen to more lies. She tossed around the words in her mind. He was lying, of course. He had to be. 

“However,” he gasped, “I must oncede it was a masterful move on Coin's part. The idea that I was bombing our own helpless children instantly snapped whatever frail allegiance my people still felt to me. There was no real resistance after that. Did you know it aired live? You can see Plutarch's hand there. And in the parachutes. Well,   
it's that sort of thinking that you look for in a Head Gamemaker, isn't it?" Snow dabbed the corners of his mouth. "I'm sure he wasn't gunning for your sister, but these things happen." 

Katniss felt herself yanked away from that spot and back to the Weaponry with Beetee and Gale. Seeing those plans, the plans that Gale had come up with based on his knowledge of trapping and snares. She remembered how Gale had explained it. The bombs played on human sympathy. The first would go off and kill a few. Others would run in to help and then the second round of bombs would go off, killing the rest. It was masterful. It was cunning. It was deadly. And it had cost her her sister’s life.

"My failure," Snow interrupted her thoughts, "was being so slow to grasp Coin's plan. To let the Capitol and districts destroy one another, and then step in to take power with Thirteen barely scratched. Make no mistake, she was intending to take my place right from the beginning. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it was Thirteen that started the   
rebellion that led to the Dark Days, and then abandoned the rest of the districts when the tide turned against it. But I wasn't watching Coin. I was watching you, Mockingjay. And you were watching me. I'm afraid we have both been played for fools."   
Katniss shook her head, her jaw gone slack and her face pale. He was lying. It couldn’t be true.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Oh my dear Miss Everdeen. I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other.” 

 

Katniss stumbled into the room, still grasping the rose tightly. All of the victors were sitting around a table. Coin and Plutarch and Fulvia were all standing in the corner of the room. Everyone looked up and watched her warily when she entered. Peeta was the first to stand and made his way over to her.

“Katniss.” She felt him tenderly lift her hand and her eyes wandered to his. “You’re bleeding.” She heard a rip and felt her hand being wrapped up. She glanced down and saw his burned hand holding hers. Her eyes followed the path of burns that made their way to the edge of his hair, his eyebrows singed off but his eyes unharmed. Startlingly blue. He dropped her hand and took a step back, biting his lip. She looked down and saw he had ripped a piece from his shirt and had wrapped her hand in it. She tried to smile, tried to say thank you but nothing would come. He merely nodded and sat back down. She took the empty seat between Johanna and Annie. She looked around and noticed there were six, seven if she was included. Was this all that’s left?

“What’s going on?” She finally found her voice.

“It appears to be a gathering of the remaining victors,” Haymitch said in a voice that seemed to come from somewhere far away. 

“We’re all that’s left?”

“The price of celebrity,” Beetee said, adjusting his glasses. “We were targeted from both sides. The Capitol killed victors they suspected of being rebels. The rebels killed victors they suspected were allied with the Capitol.” 

“So what is SHE doing here,” Johanna asked, giving Enobaria a nasty look.

“She is protected under the Mockingjay Deal,” Coin replied as she approached the table of victors. “Katniss Everdeen agreed to support the rebel cause in exchange for the captured victors’ immunity. Katniss has upheld her side of the bargain, so shall we. Despite the war tribunals’ disappointment.” Her eyes lingered on Peeta for a moment before sweeping across the room. Johanna snorted.

“Way to go, Mockingjay. You included one too many in your plan.”

“Johanna,” Peeta hissed warningly. She shrugged and fell silent. Enobaria shot Johanna a haughty smile.

“Don’t look so smug,” Johanna said, with no trace of smile. “We’ll kill you anyway.”

“Attention, please,” Coin’s voice rang out. “I’ve asked you all here to settle a debate. At sunset, we will execute Snow. In the previous weeks, hundreds of his accomplices in the oppression of Panem have been tried and now await their own deaths. However, the suffering in the districts has been so extreme that these measures appear insufficient to the victims. In fact, many are calling for a complete annihilation of those who held Capitol citizenship. However, in the interest of maintaining a sustainable population, we cannot afford this." She paused for a moment and waited for some sort of reaction but when there was none, she continued. 

“So, an alternative has been placed on the table. Since my colleagues and I can come to no consensus, it has been agreed that we will let the victors decide. A majority of four will approve the plan. No one may abstain from the vote. What has been proposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held the most power."  
The words sliced through the victors like a knife. Johanna’s jaw dropped, Peeta had spun around in anger, Beetee’s glasses had fallen off, and Annie was covering her head with her hands.

“I should also tell you that if we do hold the Games, it will be known it was done with your approval, although the individual breakdown of your votes will be kept secret for your own security.” 

“You’re joking,” Peeta finally spoke, his voice shaking. 

“I’m quite serious, Mr. Mellark. And I would have thought you of all people would agree to this.” Peeta leaped up, his fists balled in anger. Haymitch placed a hand on Peeta’s shoulder and gently pushed him back down.

“Was this Plutarch’s idea?” he asked.

“It was mine. It seems to balance the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes.”

“No,” Peeta exploded. “I vote no, of course. We can’t have another Hunger Games!” 

“Why not,” Johanna scoffed. “Seems fair to me! Snow even has a lovely little granddaughter. She’ll do great in the Arena. I vote yes.” 

“Johanna,” Peeta pleaded. 

“Shut it, bread boy,” she snapped. Peeta shook his head and turned to face Haymitch. 

“Let them have a taste of their own medicine,” Enobaria said with a nod. “I vote yes.”

“THIS is why we rebelled, remember?” Peeta said, shaking his head. Katniss was sure he was about to go into a violent flashback. Beside him, Annie trembled.

“I agree with Peeta. I vote no. And so would Finnick, if he were here.” 

“But he isn’t because Snow’s mutts killed him,” Johanna said bitterly. Annie blanched and hid her face in her arms. Peeta shot Johanna a look as his arm draped around her protectively. 

“No,” Beetee said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “We have to stop viewing each other as enemies. At this point, unity is essential for our survival. No.” 

“We’re down to Katniss and Haymitch,” Plutarch said patiently. All eyes were on Katniss and her eyes were on the rose she held in her hands. Would anything ever change? Would they always be discussing life and how to avoid wasting it? Have a Hunger Games to prevent rebellion, have a Hunger Games for vengeance, have a Hunger Games as a reminder of loss. So much loss. Peeta’s eyes burned into Katniss as they all waited.

“I vote yes…for Prim.” 

“Haymitch. It’s up to you,” Coin said delicately. Peeta couldn’t look at Katniss anymore. Every eye was on Haymitch except his. Peeta knew the outcome. Haymitch and Katniss were so alike in so many ways. They understood each other, they had always had that secret form of communication that he wasn’t privy to and it tore his heart. He lowered his face to his hands; he couldn’t bear to hear Haymitch’s answer.

“I’m with the Mockingjay.” 

“Excellent. That carries the vote. We should all prepare for the execution. Katniss, if you would like to return to your quarters to change into your Mockingjay uniform.” Katniss nodded and they all began to rise. Katniss held out the rose and Coin stared at it.

“Could you make sure that Snow is wearing this? Just over his heart?” Coin smiled grimly.

“Of course. And I’ll make sure he knows about the Games. Carinthia will be told too, of course.”

“Carinthia?”

“His granddaughter.” Katniss tried to swallow as Coin brushed past her. It had been easier to condemn a nameless girl to this fate. Why, all of a sudden upon learning her name, was she feeling so nauseated? She felt Peeta’s eyes on her and she quickly ran from the room.   
When she returned to her room she saw she was not alone. Her prep team all hurried forward to hug and kiss her. When they parted, Katniss’s eyes widened. Sitting in a chair, her gold hair illuminating the room, very much alive, was Effie. 

“Effie,” Katniss said weakly.

“Hello Katniss,” the woman spoke pleasantly and as if nothing had happened. “Well it looks like we’ve got another big, big day ahead of us. Why don’t you and your prep team get started and I’ll just pop over and check on the other arrangements?” Katniss nodded and Effie tottled out of the room.

“They say Plutarch and Haymitch had a hard time keeping her alive,” Venia said under her breath, “she was imprisoned after your escape, so that helps.” Katniss snorted at the thought of Effie being a rebel and shook her head.

“I guess it’s a good thing Plutarch kidnapped you three, then.” 

“We’re the only prep team still alive. And all the stylists from the Quarter Quell are dead. Peeta’s whole team was executed on live television.” Katniss felt sick again and didn’t notice when Venia lifted her hands. “Now, what are we thinking for the nails? Red, like fire? Or maybe jet black?”  
Katniss fell silent as they set to work. They stripped her of her clothes and Octavia cried out when she saw Katniss’s scarred body. All three of them struggled not to cry as they attempted to get her back to Beauty Base Zero, which, in Katniss’s opinion, was impossible now. 

“Ok sweetie, Cinna is dressing you now,” Flavius says, pulling on the Mockingjay uniform. Katniss glanced down as he was having some trouble with the zipper.

“Well that’s strange.” Katniss swallowed and closed her eyes. While the other two held it closed, Flavius was able to zip it closed. Katniss felt squeezed tightly and gasped for breath.

“Sorry honey. Just don’t breathe too much,” he said, patting her hand. 

“We could get her a corset,” Octavia muttered. Katniss frowned but Flavius threw his hands up in the air.

“There’s no time! She looks fine.” They pulled her in front of the mirror and her eyes widened. They were miracle workers, no doubt. Flavius had managed to even out her hair so that the bald spots were hidden in the back. The only visible scars were her neck and hands. Octavia pinned the mockingjay pin over her heart and they all took a step back, sniffling. There was a knock at the door and Gale peered in. Katniss’s heart began to thump unsteadily. 

“Can I have a minute,” he whispered and the prep team closeted themselves in the bathroom. Gale approached her, their eyes meeting in the mirror. 

“I brought you this,” he finally spoke, holding up a sheath. When she took it she saw it held only one arrow. “It’s supposed to be symbolic. You firing the last shot of the war.” 

“What if I miss? Does Coin retrieve the arrow and I try again? Or will she shoot him herself?”

“You won’t miss.” He adjusted the sheath on her shoulder and stood back. His eyes lingered on the scars on her neck.

“You didn’t come to see me in the hospital,” she said quietly. When he didn’t answer, she turned to face him. “Was it your bomb?”

“I don’t know. Neither does Beetee. Does it matter? You’ll always be thinking about it.” When neither of them spoke to deny it, they both nodded in understanding. He knew she would always be thinking about it and she knew she would forever associate him with the worst moment of her life. It weighed heavily on both their hearts.

“You know that was the one good thing I had going for me. Taking care of your family,” he said softly. “I’m glad there is someone else to take care of you and love you.” He reached up to touch her face but decided against it at the last minute. His hand fell to his side.

“Shoot straight,” and then he left. Effie hurried back in to inform Katniss that it was time and they all hurried from the room.  
Plutarch was at her side whispering last minute instructions as they made their way to the front doors of the mansion. Once they opened, the streets went wild with cheers. Effie gently led Katniss to her position and there was more cheering, indicating that Coin had taken her place on the balcony above. Katniss’s eyes scanned the crowd but she saw no sign of the blonde curls she was looking for. When the doors opened and Snow was brought out, there were jeers and catcalls and cheers for his death. Katniss wanted to throw up all over the Capitol’s shiny streets but she gripped her bow tightly. They bound Snow’s hands behind a post and everyone took their place. Katniss was barely ten yards away from the fallen president. She pulled the arrow taut and focused on the rose above his heart. But her eyes went to his and she saw no sign of fear or remorse or anger but nothing. She heard his voice in her head again. 

I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other.

They had. And everything he had said fell into place. Prim would never have been sent to the front lines at her age. Snow’s assessment of Coin. How she had done exactly as he had said. The fact that Snow had not escaped- surely he would have wanted to save his own skin. The double-exploding parachutes. Gale’s and Beetee’s brain child.   
The point of her arrow tilted upward. She released and there were screams and confused cries as President Coin fell over the balcony, Katniss’s arrow lodged firmly in her heart.


	31. Chapter 31

Amidst all the confused cries, Katniss could hear Snow’s laughter. An awful gurgling cackle followed by an endless stream of blood. The guards moved in and she leaped backwards. Dropping her bow, she allowed the crowd to swallow her and she thought of the options. The thought of her mother seeing her interrogated and tortured and executed made her final decision. She twisted her head and prepared to bite the nightlock pill on her sleeve. But her teeth came down on flesh and she jerked her head back, confused. Her eyes found a pair of sad blue ones and she watched the blood run from the hand that was clamped around the nightlock.

 

“Let me go!” Peeta shook his head sadly.  
“I can’t.” The guards’ hands grasped her arms and tugged her away from him. She watched the pocket ripped from her sleeve and Cinna’s last gift turned to dust underneath a guard’s boot. Peeta watched her being dragged away with a sad, wild look in his eyes. Katniss transformed into a wild animal in their grasp, kicking, biting, screaming, trying to free herself. The guards lifted her up above the crowds’ heads and carried her through the streets. She heard her name being called and she could just make out Peeta, fighting to get to her but being held back by guards. She started to scream for Gale, having no idea where he could be but hoping he would know what she wanted him to do. She saw herself writhing on the big screen and knew he could see her. One clean shot. Please. Her eyes filled with tears as she silently pleaded for him to just kill her before the interrogation began. But she quickly realized she was on her own. They dragged her into the mansion, immediately blindfolding and handcuffing her. They deposited her on the carpet floor and took the handcuffs away. She snatched the blindfold off to see that she was in her old room in the Training Center. The bed was stripped to the mattress and the closet was bare but she knew this room well. She immediately searched for some way to take her life. The glass was too thick to jump through. She could make a decent noose but there was nowhere to hang herself from. Of course she would not have any kind of sharp object to slice her wrists. She was alone. And doomed. She peeled off the mockingjay uniform, wincing in pain. She was badly bruised and had several broken fingers but what really made her cry out was the sight of her skin. The new skin they had given her had shredded as easily as paper and blood was now seeping through the laboratory-grown cells. She thought she resembled a piece of raw meat more than a girl. But no doctors or medics came to her aid and she crawled onto the bare mattress, ready to bleed to death. By nightfall, Katniss was feeling sick, sticky, and sore. She limped into the shower and found the water with the least amount of soaps and perfumes. She squatted, allowing the spray to hit her and she gritted her teeth in pain.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. Why am I not dead? I should be dead. It would be best for everyone if I was dead…

When she stepped out of the shower she realized she had no towel, no clothes, nothing clean to put on. Making her way into the bedroom she saw the mockingjay uniform had been taken and there was a paper robe along with a tray of food and medicine. She swallowed down the pills, picked at the meal, and rubbed some salve into her tender skin. Crawling onto the bloodstained mattress, she felt naked and lost. She squeezed her eyes shut and allowed the tears to come. She didn’t care if she was on live television this moment. She would await her trial, the day that they came for her, and would find a way to kill herself the moment the doors opened. She curled up on her side and wept. 

The weeks passed with no word from anyone. What was taking them so long? She was obviously a deranged lunatic who deserved to die. So where was her sentence? Why were they taking so long deciding what to do with her? Where was Peeta? And Haymitch, would he fight for her sanity? What had become of her mother? Of Gale? What would become of her?

After a month passed (though she had no idea how much time had passed), she decided to just give up and stop eating. Stop taking the medicines and just throw them away. But she had been on a large dosage of morphling and the addiction was a difficult one to kick. No wonder Johanna had stolen most of hers back in 13. When the withdrawl got so bad that she trembled from the pain and the cold, she would dig into the carpet to find those precious pills she had discarded.   
She studied herself in the mirror. They had given her a real robe and she longed for real clothing. Still, it was better than the paper that barely covered her skin. She stared at her reflection for the longest time that it seemed to be just odd shapes. But one thing she noticed that although she was barely eating, her belly was growing rounder. Not big by any means because Katniss had never been a healthy girl. No one in District 12 had been. But the roundness of her belly alerted her and she lay very still one night, her hands pressed against her stomach. She felt the tiniest movement against her palm and she sat straight up, staring down at her stomach. 

“How?” She moved her fingers over her skin, prodding and poking but was certain that she had imagined it.  
Until one day in the shower, she started to sing. And as she did, she felt that movement in her stomach again. She began to sing everywhere. At the window, in the bed, in her sleep. All of the songs and ballads that her father had taught her. One night as she propped herself against the wall, her palms covering her stomach, she closed her eyes and sang. 

Deep in the meadow, under the willow   
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow   
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes   
And when again they open, the sun will rise. 

Here it's safe, here it's warm   
Here the daisies guard you from every harm   
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true   
Here is the place where I love you. 

She felt the child press against her palm and she looked down, smiling.

“That was your aunt’s favorite song. Are you going to look just like her? Like your daddy? I hope you don’t take after me. Your daddy is pretty perfect. You should have his blue eyes and his blonde curls. Maybe you’ll have my gift of song.” A kick was what she got in response.

She continued to eat the measly meals. She tried to wean herself off the pills, though they had been shrinking as if they had already had that plan. Some days were worse than others. Some days she tried to claw the thing from her stomach with her nails. Other days, she rocked gently and sang, relishing the tiny movements. 

She was lost in a dream where Peeta held her close, his head on her large stomach and his hands wrapped around her. Her hands wrapped in his hair as he murmured sweet words to their baby. Her eyes shot open at the sound of a knock and she sat up. Haymitch entered and smiled down at her.

“Come on sweetheart. Your trial’s over. We’re going home.” She didn’t question him as strangers appeared to bathe and clothe her, pushed food in front of her, and carried her up to the rooftop to where a hovercraft was waiting. They strapped her into the seat and Haymitch and Plutarch climbed in across from her. Plutarch was positively beaming.

“You must have a million questions! I am sorry it came to this, Katniss, but we had to straighten things out first.” Katniss only half listened as he told her what had happened after she had shot Coin. Complete chaos, is how it sounded. The guards found Snow still tethered to the pole, dead. An emergency election was held and Paylor was elected president. Plutarch was appointed secretary of communications, meaning he set the programming for the airwaves. The first big televised event was Katniss’s trial, in which he put up a strong defense for her. Dr Aurelius, who had merely napped at Katniss’s “sessions” had put forth the defense that she was a hopeless lunatic that just went crazy. One condition for her release was that his care would continue, although it would have to be over the phone. Katniss was about to ask where she was exiled to but she remembered Haymitch telling her they were going home. They were going back to 12. 

“Are you preparing for another war, Plutarch?” Katniss asked in a hollow voice. 

“Oh, not now. Now we're in that sweet period where everyone agrees that our recent horrors should never be repeated. But collective thinking is usually short-lived. We're fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self-destruction. Although who knows? Maybe this will be it, Katniss. The time it sticks. Maybe we are witnessing the evolution of the human race. Think about that.” They all fell silent the rest of the flight home. They stopped in District 3 to drop off Plutarch, who was meeting with Beetee.

“Don’t be a stranger,” were his parting words as he gently patted her hand. As they took off, she turned to Haymitch, who had been silent the whole time.

“So why are you returning to 12?”

“They can’t seem to find a place for me in the Capitol, either,” he said, staring out the window. She stared at him for the longest time.

“You have to look after me, don’t you? As my mentor.” The relization of what this meant dawned on her. “My mother’s not coming back.” 

“No.” He pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to her. “You know why she can’t come back.” Katniss felt rage surge through her. Did she think it was easy for her to return? Hadn’t she lost the same person? Weren’t those memories still fresh and painful in her mind? Haymitch was watching her and she stuffed the envelope in her pocket.

“Do you want to know who else won’t be there?” Katniss’s throat was stuck.

“No. I want to be surprised.” What had happened to Peeta? Her last recollection was of him trying to get to her. What had the guards done to him? Had he escaped? Had he gone mutt? Had someone shot him? And where was Gale? Her best friend who was supposed to shoot her if she was captured. But then, she reminded herself, she hadn’t shot him when he had been captured either. Lousy best friends, both of them.   
She pretended to be asleep the rest of the trip and Haymitch trudged off to search for liquor. Katniss heard the clink of bottles in his bag and knew he was going to be out for the next week or so. But she would say nothing. If this is how he dealt with the horrors of his life, who was she to stop him from feeling? 

They walked through Victors Village and saw there were lights on in both of their houses. The house across from hers remained dark and cold. She froze for a moment, starting to tremble. 

“Haymitch,” she said in a choked voice. “At least tell me…is he alive?”

“Come on sweetheart, let’s get you out of the cold,” was all he said. Katniss wanted to bury herself in the ground and never open her eyes again. If they could never meet a pair of impossibly blue eyes, so full of warmth and love and light, she would forever see darkness and despair. Once inside, Haymitch made her eat a sandwich and she sat in the rocker, keeping silent.

“He’s alive,” Haymitch finally said as he rose to leave. Her eyes darted to his and he nodded.

“He lost it after you were arrested. He didn’t go mutt because he was crying for you, not saying things against you. He just sort of lost it and the guards took him away. He’s been under Dr. Aurelius’s care in the Capitol. As far as I can tell, they are reversing the hijacking and are confident he will recover. But they have no idea when he will be alright. And I don’t know if he will come back to 12, if he does get better.” 

Come home to me, Peeta. Come home where your child and I are waiting for you. 

She remained silent with her eyes on the floor. Haymitch gathered his bag with the clinking bottles and she heard his heavy footsteps move towards the door.

“See you tomorrow.”

“I doubt it,” she whispered as she heard the door close. She pulled a shawl over her and her eyes remained locked on the flickering flames, until they were too heavy to keep open.


	32. Chapter 32

She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep but when she woke, Greasy Sae was moving around the kitchen and Katniss smelled breakfast cooking. The old woman brought her the plate and quietly told her to eat. She stood there, making sure Katniss finished the food, then whisked the plate away. Her little granddaughter toddled into the room, playing with a blue ball of yarn from Mrs. Everden’s knitting basket. Sae sharply told her to put it back but Katniss shook her head.

“She can have it. No one in this house knits anymore.” Sae just stared at Katniss before moving back into the kitchen. She cleaned and then told Katniss she would be back to cook dinner. Katniss had no idea if she was just being neighborly or if she was being paid. She didn’t really care. She didn’t move from the rocker and just continued to stare at the flames. The days continued like this; Greasy Sae came twice a day to cook and clean and Katniss would sit there, pondering her life and what she was waiting for. The phone occasionally rang but she never picked it up. Haymitch never visited, and Katniss suspected that he was just dead to the world with his white liquor.  
Katniss wasted away and quite frankly, she was surprised that the child inside her continued to grow. She felt guilty when she thought about it, how she should be striving to save and protect this little piece of Peeta. If he never came back to her, she would always have that piece. But she couldn’t imagine a life without him and sobbed when she thought about the baby having his eyes. She would be forced to look into those eyes everyday. Those eyes that would never shine with love for her again.  
She was a complete mess and still, she didn’t move. She would only move from the rocker to go to the bathroom down the hall. She was in the clothes she had left the Capitol in. She ate only when Sae cooked for her. In short, she had given up on life. She apologized to her child but really, what kind of life would she bring it into? She could go back to her plan of finding a home for it. But she didn’t know if parting with it once she held it would be possible. She had loved Prim as soon as she had held her baby sister. She remembered peering into those big blue eyes and promising her that she would always protect her.  
She had failed. Katniss fell into a deeper depression and for several days, she refused to eat.  
Sae stood over her one night, practically forcing some toast down the girl’s throat.

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself, girl. That little one in there is dying and you are causing its slow death.” Katniss’s wide eyes fell on the old woman.

“How did you know?”

“Haymitch mentioned it when he brought you back. Said he had heard you had miscarried but that you must still be pregnant. I can clearly see it, too. You’re starting to show. Don’t know how far along you are?” Katniss merely shrugged.

“Ok well I’d say at least four months. Maybe five. That baby needs some nourishment. Stop doing this to yourself, Katniss. You still have a life to live. That little one in there PROVES it.” She placed a gnarled hand on top of Katniss’s and Katniss looked up into the wizened old face. 

“Love always finds its way back to you,” she said quietly.

After that, Katniss agreed to eat more. She still found it difficult to move and found it impossible to go outside. But Sae insisted she just walk around the house a little, get some exercise. She tried to get her to shower and change clothes but Katniss trembled and Sae dropped it. 

One morning as Sae brought her her toast, she glanced out the window.

“Spring’s in the air today. You ought to go out. Go hunting.” 

“I don’t have a bow,” Katniss barely moved her lips. 

“Check down the hall,” Sae said as she turned away. A while later, she heard the woman leaving the house and she pushed herself out of the chair. Taking the smallest footsteps she could muster, she walked down the hall and entered the study. She shuddered as she remembered the conversation she had had with Snow in here but her eyes fell on her father’s hunting jacket and she nearly fell to her knees. She reached out for the box that it covered and saw various items that brought tears to her eyes. The plant book, her parents’ wedding photo, the spile Haymitch had sent, the locket Peeta had given her, the pearl he had given her, a blue ribbon that Prim often wore in her hair, and her bow and a sheath of arrows. Wanting to remove these things from this dreaded room she lifted the box and carried it back to the living room. She put on her father’s jacket and settled herself on the sofa, quickly falling asleep. 

 

Katniss sat up straight, screaming and gasping. The dead had been shoveling dirt on top of her and she could not breathe. Her hand went to her throat and she felt a distressed kicking in her belly. 

“I’m sorry little one,” she whispered, placing her palms over her belly. Appeased, the baby calmed down and she slowed her breathing down. She heard the scrape of a shovel outside and her head jerked up. Slowly, dazed, she pulled the jacket closed and walked outside around to the side of the house. When she saw him she stopped dead in her tracks. His face was flushed and dirty. His hair was longer and curlier. He was thin and covered with burn scars but he looked better than she had seen him in ages. He was digging up the ground under the window and she could make out five scraggly bushes in the wheelbarrow nearby. He sensed someone nearby and he stopped, his blue eyes widening and meeting hers. They had lost the tortured clouded look and were just impossibly blue again. They softened as they took her in and she hurriedly pushed her matted hair out of her eyes.  
Peeta’s heart ached as he drank in the sight of her. She looked like the tortured soul he had felt like these last few months. But he was doing so much better while she seemed to be doing worse. Her face was thin and gaunt, her hair was matted and filthy, and she probably had not bathed in a long time. She clutched her father’s hunting jacket around her with white knuckles. Her stormy eyes were lost and sad. Peeta’s eyes traveled over her frame and he frowned when he saw her belly protruding slightly underneath the jacket. Forcing himself to look back into her eyes. He had not expected to see her so soon. And he would kill Haymitch for not telling him how bad she was. He would kill him for not taking care of her, as he had promised to do.

“You’re back,” she finally spoke and it sounded like she had not used her voice in months.

“Dr. Aurelius wouldn’t let me leave the Capitol until yesterday,” he explained. “He wanted to make sure I was cured before I left.”

“And are you?”

“Well there’s no way to really tell since I’m the only known survivor of hijacking but the doctors are pretty sure I have cured myself. I’ve been given instructions on what to do in case anything happens. So they let me come home.” Katniss gaped at him and he shifted his feet in the dirt.

“By the way,” he wanted to break the uncomfortable silence. “Dr. Aurelius says to tell you he can’t keep pretending he’s treating you forever. You have to pick up your phone.” 

“What are you doing?” she asked, her eyes traveling over to the bushes. 

“I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her. I thought we could plant them along the side of the house.” Peeta saw her face turn red as she studied the bushes and she opened her mouth to release her fury. But he grabbed one up and held it out toward her.

“Evening Primrose.” She stopped, her eyes wide and locking on the flowers in his hand. She looked back up at him, nodded, and turned and ran back to the house. Peeta watched her go and he slowly went back to work. He would be here when she was ready.  
Katniss ran back up to her room and grabbed the vase of flowers, which were all but dead. Except for Snow’s perfect rose in the middle. Yanking it up, she threw all the flowers into the fire and pushed all the windows open to let out the sickening smell. She turned back to the fireplace and saw a blue flame had enveloped the rose.

“Fire beats roses again,” she said smugly. She still smelled the roses all over her and she hurried upstairs to strip off her clothes and shower. Finding something clean to wear, she made her way back downstairs and peered out the window. The wheelbarrow and Peeta were both gone. She sank onto the sofa and started untangling her hair. It had gotten longer though not nearly as long as it had once been and she had not brushed it for many months. The knots and tangles brought tears to her eyes. Throwing her brush into the wall, she covered her face with her hands and cried.  
Greasy Sae came to make breakfast and did not make any comments when she saw Katniss had showered and dressed. She set the plate of eggs in front of her and cleaned up the kitchen. 

“Where did Gale go?” Sae did not turn around.

“He got some fancy job in District 2. I see him now and again on TV.” She nodded. She tried to find anger or resentment or something else but she only felt relief. Good.  
There was a knock at the door and Katniss jumped up to answer it before Sae could. Peeta stood there, wearing fresh clothes, his face clean, and he was clutching a loaf of freshly baked bread. He smiled when she opened the door and that smile met his eyes. 

“I thought you would like some fresh bread.”

“Thank you. It smells delicious. Want to come in?” He hesitated. He didn’t know if she would need more time but he wanted to ask, he HAD to know. He nodded and followed her inside and Katniss went to the kitchen for a knife, finding that Greasy Sae had let herself out. She sliced off several pieces and offered him one. She closed her eyes, savoring the flavor. She tasted raisins and nuts and her eyes shot open. He was watching her warily, waiting for a reaction.

“Is this-?”

“Yes,” he answered immediately. She fell silent as she ate her slices, her mind going back to that fateful day in the rain.  
She hadn’t noticed she had tears streaming down her face until she felt his thumb gently brushing them away. Her eyes shot open and he jerked his hand back, biting his lip anxiously. Keeping her eyes locked on his, she slowly reached down and took his hand, bringing it back to her cheek. She nuzzled into his palm, and closed her eyes. His hand gently stroked down her face, his fingertips brushing over her lips, moving down to cup her chin, and then left her face. His hand came to rest on her round belly and his eyes filled with tears.

“Is this-?”

“Yes,” she breathed. His breathing becoming rather labored, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. It was a salty kiss for they were both crying but neither of them pulled away. He reached up and cupped her face while his other hand remained on her stomach. Her hands wrapped around his curls and she pulled him closer, pulled him out of his seat and he knelt in the floor in between her legs. He continued to kiss her and when he tore away from her lips, his mouth found the scarred skin of her neck and throat. Katniss tensed only for a moment but relaxed under his kisses. She glanced down and saw that he was straining against his prosthetic.

“Peeta, that can’t be comfortable.” She pulled him back up and he sat in the chair across from her. 

“I…I can’t believe this is happening. How is this possible? I thought--“

“I know. But apparently we were wrong. I discovered it during my imprisonment while I awaited my sentence.” He grasped her hands in his.

“I was so worried when I saw you, Katniss. You look so thin and sickly. Have you been eating?” When she did not answer, he pulled away for a moment before deciding against it and gripping her hands tightly, leaning in close.

“I’m here now. I won’t leave you again. It’s time to start living again, Katniss. For us. For her. For the family we are going to be. Are you still…are you still thinking…” he fell silent, looking down. She saw he had tears in his eyes and she sighed. She still thought finding it a home was the best thing for everyone. But…she just couldn’t.

“When I thought I had lost it…her…I felt empty. Forever alone. And when I discovered she was still here…that I still had a piece of you, I felt terror and joy. I’m still scared, Peeta. I don’t think I’ll make a good mother. But I think you will make up for it by being a wonderful father. And I want to give you that chance. So if you promise you will stay with me… no, I don’t want to give her up.” Peeta’s sparkling blue eyes locked on her and he felt his heart racing.

“You will make a wonderful mother. And we will be the perfect parents to her. Katniss…I love you. So much. Not even a year ago, I could hardly fathom us being together. Now hearing you say those words…you don’t know what it means to me.”

“I love you Peeta.” He bent down and scooped her up into his arms and carried her, bridal style, up to the bedroom. Katniss had not been up there since she had returned to 12 and she trembled in his arms. He lowered her on the bed and lay down beside her.  
She was nervous. She didn’t know if she was ready for this, which sounded ridiculous since she was already pregnant. But Peeta sensed her fear and he cupped her cheek.

“I just want to hold you, Katniss. Let me hold you.” And she did. He lay down behind her, his arms wrapped around her and shielding her from everything. They fell asleep like that and for the first night in many months, Katniss didn’t have any nightmares.

The next morning, Peeta awoke, finding a warm weight against his chest. His eyes opened wider as they peered down on the sleeping girl beside him. Katniss looked so peaceful, even happy, as she slept. They were still in the clothes they had fallen asleep in and he didn’t want to move for fear of waking her. But as it was morning and he was pressed against the girl of his dreams, other parts of him had awoken before he had. He shifted his hips a little and Katniss groaned and pressed her backside into him further. He hissed and his eyes popped open as he tried to squirm away from her. She wasn’t having it though. She pressed herself into him, arching her back and not noticing what torture she was inflicting on her lover. Peeta let out a low growl in his throat and lowered himself under the covers, making his way down her body. His nimble fingers had her pants unbuttoned and he pulled them down her legs. He leaned down to kiss her above her pantyline and he softly cupped her center. She let out a moan and stretched out, now on her back with her hands above her head. Peeta loved the way she looked, clutching the pillow behind her and he grew harder as he heard the tiniest moan of his name escape her lips.   
His fingers did the gentlest of touching as he tenderly made his way down to her nether region. Gently spreading her legs apart, he settled himself at her apex and ran his tongue up and down. She gasped and trembled underneath him, which made him suck harder. She tossed her head, still dreaming and moaned his name. Peeta thought it was the sexiest sound he ever heard, his name dripping from her lips. His tongue danced across her core, making her writhe underneath him and with a start, her eyes shot open. Not realizing his lover was awake and very aware of what he was doing to her, he sank deeper into her and caused waves of pleasure to wash over her. She lay very still for a moment, her fingers tangled in her hair while Peeta went back to her lips, thinking her still asleep. Feeling him lower his mouth to hers, her fingers grabbed at his hair and pulled him down on top of her. His eyes shot open as he finally took notice that she was awake, now ravaging his mouth. Her hands slipped under his shirt and ran down his scarred back. He pulled away, propping himself up on his elbows. He gazed down at her, lost in his love for her. It had felt like ages since he had been with her in this way. He had missed her, in all the ways you could miss a person.

“Sorry I woke you,” he said with a grin.

“No you’re not. But I won’t complain, I kind of enjoy being woken up that way.” She turned and grabbed her clothes, yanking them back on before he could look for very long.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He leaned down to kiss her again before sitting up. She sat up with him and her hand went to her belly. Peeta looked down with a raised brow.

“Our child is yelling at you.”

“She’s telling me to feed her. She’s been spoiled by Sae’s breakfast every morning.”

“Ok well, that’s not Sae’s job, it’s mine. So what will it be, my queen?” She giggled. The sound of it warmed Peeta’s heart. 

“Eggs please. And some more of that bread, if we have left overs.”

“If we don’t, I’ll make some more. I’ll bake you whatever you want.” 

“Cheesebuns?” her face lit up and he chuckled.

“I’ll bake you as many as you want.”

“That’s all I need in life.” He grinned and cupped her chin.

“You’re just using me for my buns.” She grinned back playfully.

“Well they ARE irresistible. Can you blame me?”

“I’ll allow it,” he said against her lips. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and pulled her up with him. She put a hand to her back to steady herself and Peeta froze for a moment. She looked up at him, worried.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…see it so plainly. It’s the most beautiful sight in the world and I want to pinch myself so I’ll wake up and then I realize that it’s real.” She glanced down at her stomach and back at him. His eyes were locked on the bump underneath her shirt. His child. His future. 

“I’m going to go hunting today.” His eyes snapped back to hers and he nodded.

“I think that’s good, as long as you’re extra careful.”

“I will be. I know Sae would love some fresh game. You’re welcome to stay until I get back.”

“All my baking supplies are back at home. Why don’t you come on over after you’re finished hunting and I’ll have lunch ready for you?” She smiled and stood on her tiptoes for a kiss.

“I love that idea.” They walked, hand in hand, down the stairs and Katniss went to the table where they had left the bread. She sliced a few slices, offering Peeta one, before wrapping the rest of it up.

“I think this might be my favorite kind of bread.”

“Because of the flavors or because of the signifance behind it?” She looked into his warm eyes.

“Both, I think. We had never had something that rich or delicious and I couldn’t believe someone could mix those flavors so wonderfully together.”

“I really want to start baking again so I’ll have all kinds of flavors for you to try.”  
She wondered now that he was back, would he move in with her? Or would she move in with him? Or was it too soon and they should just stay in their own houses? She wasn’t sure. One thing she was sure of, she could not sleep soundly without his arms around her. 

“Ok, I’ll see you for lunch,” he said, kissing her on the forehead and exiting the house. Katniss immediately felt loneliness pegging her so she dressed as quickly as she could, stuffed another slice of bread into her mouth, and made her way to the woods.   
She had not been out in the District in ages and therefore she had not seen all of the reconstruction attempts to rebuild the districts. But everywhere she walked, there were horse-drawn carts to collect remains of the dead. She froze as she passed the mayor’s house and saw Thom coming around the corner of the house.

“Did they find anyone in there?” Thom looked up and seemed surprised to see her but nodded.

“Whole family. And two people who worked for them.” Katniss felt her insides clench. Madge. The girl who had given her the mockingjay pin. A friend. One more friend   
gone. Killed. Dead. Because of her. 

“I thought…well, I thought maybe since he was mayor…”

“I don’t think being mayor means any immunity, Katniss,” he said delicately. She nodded and picked up her pace, hurrying away. But it got worse as she came closer to the edge of town. The meadow, once a rich field of green and dandelions, was now a larg pit. A grave. Katniss felt herself retch and she caught herself just in time. She hurried into the woods and braced herself against a tree. The wind swept away her sickness and emtions and she quietly walked through the woods, her bow ready. 

She hadn’t realized how much the pregnancy would drain her but she wasn’t up to her usual stamina. Then again, it was her first time out of the house in months. She supposed she couldn’t be too hard on herself. She started home, clutching two large turkeys, when she heard a hiss behind her. She whirled around, dropping the birds in shock. He had been scratched by some wild animal, he held his left paw up, but he looked mangier than ever. 

“It was a waste of a trip,” she said in a deadly whisper. She’s not here.” Buttercup hissed again and she kicked a rock at him. “She’s not here! You can hiss all you want, but you won’t find Prim.” At her name, the cat perked up which only infurtiated Katniss more.

“She’s not here! GO! There’s nothing left for you here!” She fell to the ground and clutched herself as she started to rock, a crying mess. “She’s not coming back. She’s never coming back again,” she sobbed. Buttercup mewed hopefully then turned and took off towards the Seam. 

“She’s dead you stupid cat. She’s dead,” she sobbed over and over. “I failed. I failed. She’s dead.”


	33. Chapter 33

Peeta waved his hand over the steaming cheesebuns and grinned. He had baked about two dozen of them and was sure Katniss would devour them all. He glanced up at the clock and bit his lip. How long would she stay in the woods? It was well past one, she had already been in there for nearly four hours. He quickly wiped his hands off on his apron and went up to take a quick shower.

When he was dressed and feeling quite refreshed, worry started to creep through him. He knew the woods were precious to her but he still viewed them as a danger. Full of dangers, wild animals who could outrun her, tree roots that she could trip over, poisoned plants that could infect her skin. The more he thought about it the more uneasy he felt. When the door opened, his heart leaped and he jumped up.

“Katniss, finally. I started to think--“ but he trailed off when he saw his old mentor, squinting at him.

“Don’t you start calling me sweetheart.”

“Wasn’t planning on it. What do you want?”

“Whoa, is that the way you speak to your mentor whom you haven’t seen in months?” Peeta felt his blood start to boil.

“You promised to take care of her, Haymitch. She was NOT taken care of. She was a broken mess and I’m still scared I won’t be able to put her back together.”

“You can’t take care of someone who doesn’t want the care, boy,” Haymitch snapped. “She gave up when she came back here. She didn’t think you were coming home to her.”

“I was fighting every day to get back here! But the reason I felt slightly ok was that I knew you were here with her. And I am shocked that the baby survived. I know she wasn’t eating. You should have, I don’t know, force fed her or something!”

“You overstimate me, boy.”

“I’ve been doing that a lot apparently,” Peeta said coldly, brushing past him.

“Where are you going?”

“To find Katniss. She’s been in the woods for too long and I’m really worried.” Peeta slammed the door behind him and picked up a brisk pace as he hurried to the woods. 

 

He didn’t want to call her name in case she was hunting. But how was he supposed to find her? The twigs snapped underneath his heavy footsteps and he looked up in the trees in case she was up there somewhere. He doubted she could have gotten up a tree in her state but he would never underestimate his girl on fire. He walked a little ways, going deeper into the woods and his heart stopped beating for a moment. In the clearing, a figure lay limp on her stomach, her arms stretched out in front of her. Her dark hair was filled with leaves and dirt and spread all around her.

“Oh god no.” He ran to her side and scooped her up, flipping her over and bringing her into his lap. His hand went to her cheek as his eyes started to well up with tears.

“Katniss? Katniss, come on baby, can you hear me?” She let out a little moan, which made his heart do somersolts but she still wouldn’t look at him. She fought against his caresses and leaned back, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Shh, Katniss, it’s me. It’s Peeta. I’m right here. Open your eyes and see me.”

“No…dead,” she whimpered. He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead.

“We’re safe, sweetheart. You’re safe, in my arms. I’m right here. Open your eyes. Look at me.”   
He couldn’t make sense of it. She was alive, that was for sure, and she seemed to be awake but she mumbled incoherently, as if she had gone mad. Biting his lip, he struggled to his feet and held her close to his chest. He slowly walked back towards Victors Village, not glancing at the people who stared at him as he passed by. At the edge of Victor’s Village, he heard a hissing and a meow and his eyes widened.

“Buttercup?” He meowed and rubbed against his legs.

“Come on, you can help me keep an eye on Katniss.” Buttecup obediently followed Peeta back to his house and he allowed the cat in before slamming it closed. Haymitch was still sitting at the table and he looked up, surprised.

“What-?”

“Help me,” Peeta snapped, starting to lose feeling in his arms. Somewhere along the way, Katniss had gone limp and her pregnant weight was starting to take its toll. Haymitch jumped up and helped Peeta get her to the bedroom, where Peeta leaned over her.

“Haymitch what’s wrong with her?”

“Beats the hell out of me. What happened?”

“I just found her like this. She was lying in the woods, I have no idea what happened.”

“A relapse, most likely. The woods might have triggered it. Sorry Peeta, I have no idea. I drink so I don’t have to feel. I would say this is her preference but I know it’s not, since you’ve returned to her. Just talk to her. Soothe her. Be there for her.” With a clap on Peeta’s shoulder, Haymitch left. Peeta heard the door close and he turned back to Katniss, smoothing her hair back. He sighed and ran to the phone in the hallway. When Dr Aurelius answered, Peeta wasted no time in explaining the situation.

“The woods might have triggered a negative memory. You say she’s doing better since you came home?”

“Well, it’s only been a day but she showered and moved for the first time in months so I’d say it’s an improvement.”

“Alright Peeta, I knew that she would respond to your presence. And you don’t think she physically hurt herself in the woods, do you? Fell out of a tree or something?”

“I don’t think she could get up there in her condition, but--“

“Wait a moment. Her condition?” Peeta froze. Dr. Aurelius didn’t know. Many people didn’t know. He bit his lip.

“She’s pregnant, Dr. Aurelius.” Silence. 

“How long have you known about this?”

“We thought she miscarried during the war. When I came home yesterday I saw that it wasn’t what we thought.”

“Peeta this is serious. I do not think she is mentally stable to bring a baby to term. I am shocked she never mentoned this during our sessions. Or that you didn’t.”

“I thought it was dead, I didn’t want to bring it up,” Peeta snapped.

“I understand that. But I think she needs real medical help and I am unable to give it to her. Unless you bring her back to the Capitol.”

“No,” Peeta said immediately. “We’re not going back there. I can take care of her. Or I can find a doctor here in 12. I’m not leaving her.”

“You have to be the strong one here, Peeta. Bring her out of it on your own. If not, it will be dangerous for her and the baby.” Peeta thanked the doctor and hung up. Not much help. But he crawled on the bed and brought her into his lap, rocking her gently. His hand went down to her belly and pressed his palm there.

“Katniss-“ he stopped, jerking back as he had felt movement against his hand. Staring at her stomach in awe and wonder, he put his hand back and felt it again.

“Wow,” he said softly. He lay his head on her stomach and closed his eyes, while his arms wrapped around her and held her close.

“Hi baby. I’m your daddy. I can’t wait to meet you. You are going to be the most loved little baby in the world. Your mommy would do anything for you. I hope you have her fierce spirit and her dark hair. I hope you have her eyes too. And her singing. I fell in love with her the moment I heard her sing. I’ve loved your mommy since we were kids. I’m going to protect you both with my life, do you hear me? You will never want for anything, you will always be safe, and you will never be alone. Your mommy and I love you, sweet baby. I can’t wait to meet you.” He felt a gentle pressing against his palm in response and his heart did flips in his chest. He closed his eyes and nuzzled against her stomach. 

“Sweet baby, I have to tell you the truth. Your mommy and I have been through a lot and sometimes, you may see or hear something that scares you. Just know that you are safe and I will never let anything harm you. I will die before anything hurts you. We will tell you about it when you are older but while you are a chid, an innocent perfect being, don’t worry about anything.” Peeta went on talking to his baby into the night and Katniss had seemed to relax, though she was still not opening her eyes or speaking to him. She trembled a few times while she slept but his arms would tighten around her and she would instantly relax.   
Peeta awoke in the middle of the night, his head resting near Katniss’s stomach and his hand just below her breast. He glanced up at her and saw she slept peacefully, her hair fluttering around her face. He reached up and pushed a curl behind her ear.

“I love you, Katniss. Never forget that.” 

 

She didn’t move or open her eyes the next day. Peeta hovered over her worriedly and when Haymitch came to check on her, he hurried downstairs to make a batch of cheese buns. But she still didn’t stir. Peeta collapsed on the bed next to her, holding her hand and shaking his head. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he trembled.

“Don’t leave her, Peeta. You have to be the strong one. You can pull her out of it, just as she did for you. Just give her time. Assure her you won’t relapse.”

“I won’t,” he said in a choked voice. “I’ve got too much to live for.”

Late into the night, he started talking to his baby again and was delighted to feel her kick again. He hoped it was a girl. A little girl who looked just like Katniss, learning to bake cookies and fingerpaint and walk through the town holding her mommy’s and daddy’s hands. The thought brought tears to Peeta’s eyes as he lay down beside his family and drifted off to sleep. 

 

Katniss heard him talking in a soothing voice. Like he would when she would wake up from a nightmare. She relaxed at the sound of his voice and just wanted him to hold her but she wanted to open her eyes, so she would see his stunning blue ones staring back at her.   
Her eyes fluttered open and she immediately looked to her left. Peeta was sleeping peacefully with his head right beside her belly, his arms wrapped around her as tightly as they could be. She shifted a little and he moaned. She looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes. When she felt the bed dip just slightly, she opened them again and they widened.

“How did you get in here,” she whispered. Buttercup hissed and then meowed and went to nuzzle Peeta’s hand. She rolled her eyes.

“I should have known. Back off cat, he’s mine.” Buttercup meowed again and purred against Peeta’s hand. His eyes opened slowly and his hand moved to scratch Buttercup behind his ears. When he noticed that her weight had moved, he turned his wide eyes on her and scooted closer, almost hestitantly.

“Katniss? Are you alright?”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be “alright”, Peeta. But hearing your voice next to me made life better for a moment. It made me forget.”

“Forget what?” He took her hands into his and gazed into her eyes. 

“How I failed her. I swore to protect her and I failed. Peeta, what if I fail her too?” Her hands jerked out of his and went to her stomach. He moved closer, covering her hands with his.

“You won’t. We won’t. We will do this together. You failed at nothing, Katniss. It wasn’t your fault. How could it have been? I was there. I saw the whole thing.” Her eyes widened.

“What-what do you mean? I thought you had gone back to the shop.”

“You honestly think I could have left you? Knowing what sort of danger you were walking into? I kept my distance but I kept my eye on you. When I saw you run toward those children, I took off after you, calling your name. You were calling her name, I was calling yours, and when I saw the flames…” he trailed off, swallowing heavily. She sniffled and Peeta felt tears hit his hand. He stroked her cheek and pulled her into his embrace, allowing her to soak his shirt.

“It wasn’t your fault. And she wouldn’t want you to stop living. She is watching over you, Katniss. Both of you.” She burrowed her face into his shoulder and sobbed. His arms tightened around her, allowing her to cry for as long as she needed. He didn’t move, didn’t pull away, didn’t let go of her. He had been the one to comfort her. It had been his job to protect and to comfort and now it was once again. After what seemed like hours and a soaking wet shirt, she pulled away and wiped her face. He jumped off the bed and returned with a wet rag, which he gently wiped her face with. She gave him a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, I think I ruined your shirt.”

“It’s just wet, that’s no big deal. I made you cheesebuns yesterday. Do you want to come down to the kitchen and I can change clothes?”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, Peeta,” she said slowly. “But I should probably go home and shower and change. I imagine I look like a mess.”

“A beautiful mess,” he whispered as he kissed her forehead. He did not want to let her out of his sight but he knew she needed her independence still. He took a deep breath.

“Ok, go on home and shower and I’ll be by shortly with those cheesebuns.”

“Ok,” she said, leaning in to kiss him. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip then tugged it into her mouth. He gasped, caught off guard by her sudden passion and he leaned her back onto the bed.

“You could just take a shower here,” he muttered against her lips. Her eyes sparkled but she raised a brow.

“And what would I change into? I have no clothes here.”

“You’ll look perfect in my shirts.” She giggled as he decorated her face with kisses.

“They’d probably fit better than my own clothes. I didn’t think I’d be getting so big.”

“You have to be, what, six months along now? Maybe five? You’re growing normally. We should probably get you into the doctor. But I can order you some maternity clothes if you like.”

“No maternity clothes,” she said so firmly that he looked taken aback. She threw her legs over the edge of the bed and steadied herself.

“Ok give me an outfit and I’ll get a shower.”

“Go on. I’ll have clothes out here waiting for you and I’ll be downstairs baking more cheesebuns.” He heard her stomach rumbling and he laughed. “Baby likes cheesebuns too, it seems.”

“Oh she’s going to be spoiled with all of the sweets I didn’t have. And you’ll make her a cake for her birthday.”

“Of course. Every year. And I’ll make you one too.”

“With green frosting and tiny frosted katniss flowers?” He turned to her, startled, and saw her eyes sparkling.

“What are you…,” he trailed off for a moment then his eyes widended and he shook his head, “eavesdropping, huh? Not nice.”

“You and Gale were just talking so…civilized. I just wanted to know what you were talking about.”

“You know good and well that it would be you.”

“I didn’t, actually. I thought you were gone, Peeta. I thought you had left me forever and I was too weak for goodbyes again. Hearing you tell that story…made me realize only bits and pieces of you were gone. My boy with the bread hadn’t left me.”

“And I never will,” he said softly, cupping her cheek. She pulled away from the kiss and put a hand to her back as she stood up. She made her way into the bathroom and Peeta went to his drawers, searching for something for her to wear. 

When he had found a baggy shirt and a loose pair of pants, he started to set them on the dresser outside the bathroom. But he saw something moving out of the corner of his eye and his breath left him. She was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, naked, her long dark hair flowing down her back. His eyes traveled up and down, taking her all in and he felt his jeans growing much too tight for his liking. He let out a shaky breath and she turned around. He ducked out of sight and made sure his footsteps downstairs were extra loud. She would be furious if she caught him looking at her, he knew, but she was so perfect in his eyes that he didn’t care. He glanced down at his growing erection and sighed. 

“Wonderful. Lunch with her with this.” Gritting his teeth, he chose to ignore it and set to baking. It usually cleared his head but all he could think of was his hands on that delectable body. His hands kneading her breasts like they kneaded the dough. His fingers driving her to madness, his hardness pumping in and out of her while she screamed his name. Gritting his teeth, he reached into his jeans and hissed when he touched himself. He listened to make sure the water was still running and he shoved his jeans and boxers down his hips, leaning back against the table. He threw his head back and closed his eyes, remembering what it felt like to have her mouth enclosed around him. The sight of her on her knees with his hands in her hair as she moved her lips up and down…

“FUCK!” He cried out, feeling himself soften in his grasp. He hurriedly glanced upstairs, making sure she had not heard anything but he hurried to the sink and scrubbed at his hands. Shaking his head, he went back to kneading the dough.


	34. Chapter 34

Katniss’s footsteps were light and careful and she stopped on the stair when she saw him leaning over the table, his back to her, as his fingers worked the dough. She watched him, entranced, remembering how those hands felt on her breasts, his warm breath on her neck as his hands moved down her body, driving her to ecstacy. She bit her lip and went to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.  
He jumped as he felt small hands on his chest and his hand covered hers before he turned to face her. She looked perfect in his clothes, he decided. She had rolled up the sleeves several times and left the top few buttons undone. Her hair was dripping and several drops of water ran down her neck. Peeta had the intense urge to lean forward and lick those droplets off. His hands rested on her waist as he pulled her into him.

 

“How are you feeling,” he asked quietly.

“Much better. How about you?”

“I woke up next to the most beautiful girl in the world. I’m doing pretty great.” She smiled and shook her head and he shrugged unapologetically. 

“Here, have a seat. Lunch is nearly ready.” Katniss heard her stomach rumble and he raised a brow as they both laughed.

“How long was I…asleep?” Peeta’s smile faded slightly and he lowered his head as he went back to the counter.

“Several days. Haymitch wanted to take you to the hospital but I…I knew you would come out of it on your own. You do things in your own time.”She said nothing as she sat and watched him hurry around the kitchen, bringing over a tray of cheesebuns and a bowl of stew. 

“I’m not much of a cook,” he warned. “But it’s got decent flavor. And you have enough cheesebuns to distract you.” She grinned as she bit into one, the cheese oozing down her chin. He laughed as he reached out with a napkin, wiping it off. She reached over and squeezed his hand and he brought their hands to rest on his knee underneath the table. They did not let go the whole time they ate lunch. Peeta watched her carefully as she ate and appreciated the color that had returned to her cheeks. When she finished, she pushed her bowl back and leaned back in her chair.

“That stew was delicious. All of it was delicious. Thank you.”

“I’m glad you liked it. I think we should go into town and find a doctor, Katniss. Have our little one checked on.” She bit her lip.

“I…I know you’re right but I just…I don’t want to see doctors. I don’t want to see anyone.”

“Katniss, you can’t coop yourself up in the house. It’s not good for either of you.”

“I went out and I completely collapsed. Seeing all the body carts, seeing all of the homes destroyed, our district turned to dust! I don’t want to deal with it yet, Peeta.” He sighed and watched her as she lowered her head, her eyes filled with tears. Who was he to say it was time for her to get out and about? He knew it would be hard for both of them. He knew it would take time to heal. Lots of time. Before he could speak, he heard the door open and Haymitch calling his name.

“Kitchen,” he called back and Haymitch stopped in the doorway.

“You’re awake,” he said softly and Peeta could swear his voice was filled with relief and tears. 

“Peeta took good care of me,” she said, nodding. Haymitch nodded and slumped in a seat across from them.

“Hungry, Haymitch? We have more stew and cheesebuns.”

“I’m good, kid.” Peeta shook his head and made Haymitch a plate of food, pushing it in front of him.

“Eat. I know you’re on a liquid diet but hopefully with me back, you’ll both start eating better.” Haymitch shot Katniss a look before he dug into the food. Peeta took Katniss’s hand again and his thumb rubbed small circles over her knuckles. 

“Why is the one who was worse off taking care of us,” Haymitch muttered to Katniss. Peeta sucked in a breath but Katniss shook her head.

“We’re all pretty bad in our own way. Peeta was just the first to decide to start living again. We should follow his example.” Haymitch gave a little “hmm” as he took a swig of water. When the food was cleared, Haymitch leaned back in his chair and belched.

“How ya feeling, sweetheart?”

“Better. She’s been really active this morning,” she indicated her stomach and Peeta’s palm came to rest on her bellybutton. 

“You should probably go see a doctor, just to check on everything. And you would have a date when you can expect the baby mockingjay.” Peeta shot him a look, not wanting to push Katniss anymore but she nodded, covering Peeta’s hand with her own.

“I’ll go tomorrow. Will you…will you come with me,” she asked shyly, looking into Peeta’s eyes. He smiled and kissed her forehead.

“Of course.” 

“Well, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone. I’ll tell Sae I saw you both. She’s been pretty worried.” He clapped Peeta on the shoulder before he took his leave. Peeta turned back to Katniss and saw her gazing down at her own belly.

“You’re really going to the doctor? Or did you just tell Haymitch that to appease him?”

“No, you’re both right. We should have it checked on and it would be nice to know a due date.”

“Her,” he said firmly. “Not it. Her.” 

“Her. What makes you so sure?” 

“Because all I can see is a little you. Dark hair in two braids, gray eyes, strong jawline, little nose. Fierce, independent, beautiful, strong, and perfect.” 

“Oh Peeta,” was all she could say, completely overcome by his words. She leaned forward to kiss him and he did not hesitate as he kissed her back. He pulled away and searched her eyes.

“I think you should call Dr. Aurelius.”

“Did you tell him?” she asked, her eyes reflecting her worry. He bit his lip.

“I had to, Katniss. I didn’t know…I wasn’t sure what to do to help you. He’ll want to talk to you about it.” She nodded and stood.

“I’ll go home and call him. Could you come by later for dinner?”

“I’ll be there,” he said with a kiss. He watched her trudge to the door and across the yard to her own home. He sighed as he closed the door and rested his forehead on the cold wood.

 

Katniss made her way up the stairs, feeling a sense of loneliness and despair creeping through her. She pushed it away and held her stomach as she pushed the door to the study open. Swallowing, she dialed the doctor’s number with numb fingers. He was pleased to hear her voice and asked her how she was doing.

“Some days are harder than others. But now that Peeta has returned to me…I think things will get better.”

“You need each other, Katniss. But be prepared for difficult times. He can still have flashbacks and this pregnancy may make you a bit more unstable than usual.”

“In other words we’re screwed?”

“I didn’t say that. I just want you both to be prepared. Are you still hunting regularly?” She told him about her visit to the woods and he fell quiet for a moment.

“Katniss, I want you to do something for me. I notice that your voice seems to change when you speak about the Plant book. It was something you and Peeta worked on together. I suggest you both start a new project together. One that will help you remember your loved ones and the fond memories, rather than the bad ones. You must work on it together though, depend on each other. It will be vital for your communication with each other.”

“What did you have in mind?” He quietly told her his idea and her insides churned at the thought but she agreed and he promised to send her the supplies on the next train. 

“One more thing, Katniss. Are you planning to live together?” Her heart raced a little.

“We haven’t discussed it. I don’t know if it’s too soon or…” They would have to, when the baby came. Was it too soon now? Would she have to bring it up or would he? 

“You two were engaged to be married, is that correct?”

“Sort of. It was part of the act for the Capitol.”

“But you mentioned he asked you later, in District 13. Right?” He had. But they had not discussed it since then.

“Do you think it would be wise for me to bring it up?”

“Speaking to you both, I know you cannot survive without one another, Katniss. You need him as much as he needs you. Now my patient confidentiality does limit me a bit but I can ask him about the living situation and the engagement in his next session.” 

“I guess that’s alright. We are going to the doctor tomorrow, to have the baby checked on. I’ll tell him to call you afterwards if you like.”

“That will be fine. He can tell me any news of the child. I’ll ship out the supplies tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Katniss.” She said goodbye and hung up. Glancing around the room, she shivered and hurried out and down the hall. But the despair seemed to leak from the walls. She entered her bedroom and found that she couldn’t sit still. She hurried back downstairs, pulling on her father’s hunting jacket again and draping herself on the couch. It didn’t take long for sleep to pull her under and the nightmares plagued her well into the night.

 

Peeta knocked gently on the door and waited for a moment. He knocked again and listened intently. Hearing no sound within the house, worry started to creep through him as his hand went to the doorknob. It pushed open easily and he peered in.

“Katniss?” Silence greeted him and he shuddered at how desolate the house felt. His heavy foosteps echoed through the kitchen as he walked through the house, searching for her. His eyes fell upon her trembling form as he entered the living room and he rushed to his side, dropping to his knees beside the couch. She whimpered and tossed her head and his fingers smoothed her hair back. Instead of relaxing, she became more frantic and tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Peeta, no! Please! Please, don’t!” 

“Katniss, sweetheart, I’m right here,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. She squeezed her eyes shut and flailed around. 

“Peeta! Peeta, I’m coming! Peeta!” He jumped as she let out a scream and he gathered her in his arms as he moved up onto the couch and gently shook her.

“Katniss, open your eyes. Open your eyes and see me.” He gently slapped her cheek and her eyes shot open.

“Peeta!” She dove into his arms and he wrapped them around her comfortingly, rocking her back and forth. 

“It’s ok. We’re ok. You’re safe, in my arms.”

“I tried to get to you…they were torturing you…I heard your screams…you were screaming for me to save you and I c-couldn’t…I couldn’t get to you…”

“Katniss, it’s ok. It was just a dream. I’m safe, I’m right here.” 

“It wasn’t a dream, Peeta. It was real. I let that happen to you! I couldn’t save you,” she sobbed. His hand went to her hair, playing with the uneven edges. 

“You did save me, Katniss,” he said quietly, prying her away from him. “Your love saved me. It made me want to keep fighting, fighting to come back to you. And now we’re finally safe. So don’t keep going to that awful place. Stay here with me.” She sniffled and wiped at her face. Peeta’s eyes traveled around the room and he noticed the box sitting beside the couch. 

“What’s all this?” He pulled it up onto the couch next to them and peered inside.

“The things I took with me to District 13. I brought them down here because I can’t stand…I can’t stand being up there.” He nodded in understanding. He felt like he was suffocating in this house. He couldn’t explain it but he knew he needed to get her out of there. This place undoubtedly was making her nightmares return. And he could understand why. Prim had lived here with her for awhile. Peeta imagined Katniss saw her everywhere she went. He was grateful that the bakery had burned down completely. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to enter it if it had survived. For the very same reasons. He pushed her hair out of her face and stroked her cheek.

“Katniss, I think you should move in with me.” She stopped sniffling and her eyes widened.

“What?” Oh damn. He hoped he hadn’t just made a huge mistake by suggesting that. But he wanted to be able to take care of her, keep her healthy and fed, and most of all, keep her happy. He wanted to take care of her during the pregnancy and after. He wanted to make her his wife and raise their baby together. He wanted all of that and a part of him told him that she wanted that too. 

“I don’t like the feel of this house. It’s lonely and…dark. And I don’t want to think of you over here, by yourself, screaming in your sleep. I don’t want to think about the nightmares getting to you. I want you in my arms, where I can chase them away and hold you until you calm down. I want you to live with me, and I want to turn my lonely house in OUR house.” 

“Are you…are you sure?” 

“Katniss I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you.” She leaned forward and kissed him, wrapping her fingers in his hair.

“Then take me home, Peeta.” 

 

Peeta helped her pack and took over when it became too much for her. He lead her back downstairs, kissed her, then returned up to her bedroom to finish packing her clothes. He glanced around and searched for other items she would need. When he had finished, he shifted the boxes so that he could see as he made his way down the stairs and he smiled at her as she sat on the couch.

“Let’s go home, Katniss.” She picked up the box of her belongings and followed him across the yard to his house. He lead her up to his room and set the boxes on the bed, before opening his closet and pushing his clothes to the side. He helped her hang hers up and then set to work on his drawers, clearing out two of them for her to use. 

“You can use one of the other bedrooms for whatever you want. You can even sleep in there, if you feel like you need to.” She stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him and he felt the baby kick against his stomach.

“Why would I sleep in a different room than you? Isn’t the point of all this for you to hold me while we sleep?”

“It’s so much more than that, Katniss,” he said against her lips. 

“I know. Can I put some stuff around here?” He nodded and threaded his fingers around her hair.

“Do whatever you want. I’m going to start on dinner. Just please don’t paint the room pink or anything.” She wrinkled her nose and he chuckled.

“That’s my girl.” He kissed her nose and left her to unpack the rest of her things. She glanced into the box and pulled out the picture of her parents’ wedding and set it on the bedside table, next to another picture. Looking at it again, she realized it was the torn picture of her from his closet and she moved it to the side. She set the blue ribbon and the locket beside the picture frame, then lifted the pearl to her lips. Shoving the rest of the things in the back of the closet, she quckly changed into some of her loose-fitting pants and left his clothes on the back of the chair. Glancing in the mirror, she squeezed her eyes shut at the sight of the fire mutt before she went downstairs to join Peeta.

 

After dinner, Peeta made hot chocolate for them and sat beside her on the couch. 

“I talked to Aurelius today.” 

“Mmhhm?” he blew over his cup, his brow raised.

“He’s assigned us a project.”

“What kind of project?”

“We’re going to make a memory book.” He lowered his cup and glanced sideways at her.

“Like the plant book?” She nodded.

“It’s supposed to help us remember our loved ones and the good memories. Not focus on the bad ones. We can put whatever we want in there but we have to work on this together. I was hoping you would do the illustrations, since I can’t draw or paint. I think you’d be able to give them life, like I never could.” 

“I think that’s a great idea,” he breathed in her ear as he draped an arm around her.   
When they finished their chocolate, Peeta took her hand and lead her upstairs. He went into the bathroom to change and brush his teeth and Katniss quickly changed for bed. When he came out, he sucked in a breath at the sight of her in only a large T-shirt that fell just above her knees. She dove under the covers before he could really look at her and he climbed in behind her, sliding his arm underneath her and pulling her into his arms. He reached over her to turn off the light and noticed the objects on the table.

“Is that your mom and dad?”

“Mmhm. Their wedding.” 

“You look so much like your dad.” 

“I’m a lot like him. He was the one who taught me how to hunt and fish. He saved me from becoming…one of those girls…you know, who went to the peacekeepers…” His throat tightened at her words and his grip around her tightened as well. The thought of a young Katniss selling herself to a peacekeeper made him want to vomit. He then noticed the pearl and the locket.

“You kept these?” 

“Of course. I used to keep that pearl in my pocket and pulled it out everynight, thinking of you. I sort of thought of it as your heart. As long as I held it in my hands, no one would be able to hurt you.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek, nuzzling her with his nose.

“I lost my heart to you a long time ago. I’m glad you’ve continued to hold onto it.”

“I’m afraid it wasn’t in good hands. I’m sure there was someone else who could have--“ but he silenced her with his lips, forbidding her to continue.

“I don’t want anyone else. I never have and I never will. Only one girl exists for me. Only one girl will ever hold my heart.”

“Where is the rest of this picture,” she said, reaching out and picking up the ripped portrait. 

“I’m not sure. Dad took it when we returned to 12 and gave it to me. I ripped me out of it and carried you around in my pocket.”

“I wish you hadn’t. We don’t have any pictures of us together,” she yawned, setting the picture back down.

“Then I’ll buy a camera from town,” he whispered, settling behind her and closing his eyes. “And we’ll decorate the whole living room with pictures of us. And when the baby comes, she’ll decorate all the halls and walls.” She smiled in her sleep and dreamed, not of terrors but delicious fantasies with the man who slept beside her.


	35. Chapter 35

Katniss awoke, feeling empty space beside her. She jolted up and looked around.

“Peeta?” Silence greeted her and her heart started to race. “Peeta!” He appeared around the corner, his face pale and worried.

“What is it?”

“I just…you weren’t here.” He groaned to himself and climbed into bed beside her, kissing her hair.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d wake up…I was making breakfast.” 

“Don’t DO that,” she said crossly and he squeezed her hands.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Will cheese buns help?”

“They might.” He suppressed a chuckle and left the room for a moment, returning with a tray in his hands. He gently set it down in front of her and kissed her forehead. Her eye scanned the tray, taking in the plate of eggs and cheese, cheesebuns, fruit, and cup of cold milk. Next to the food was a small vase of dandelions. She leaned over and kissed him and her hands squeezed his arms lightly. 

“Go ahead and eat and I’ll get a shower. We need to get ready to go into town.”

“You’re not going to eat with me?” 

“I’m not too hungry.” But the glare she gave him made him take a cheesebun and he grinned.

“Ok. Thank you for sharing your cheesebuns with me.”

“I guess I had better slow down,” she said with her mouth full of cheese. “I don’t want you to have to make these every day.”

“Whatever my fiancé is craving, that’s what she’ll have. I’ll go to District 4 if I have to, to bring you back that special fish you like.” 

“I won’t go to any extremes. The cheesebuns are enough.” He grinned as he popped a grape into his mouth and he watched her eat, leaning over to place his hand on her belly. 

“I can’t believe today we will know what we’re having.”

“Thought you were so sure it was a girl,” she teased.

“At least we’ll know for sure.” They were quiet as they finished the food, and Peeta whisked the tray away, leaving the dandelions on the table. Katniss started to get dressed and groaned in frustration when she discovered her clothes really didn’t fit. Peeta came back in as she was struggling to button a shirt and she flung it aside in anger. She caught him looking at her in the mirror and with a gasp, she grabbed the T-shirt she had slept in and yanked it back on. Peeta frowned as he moved closer.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what,” she asked as she continued to rifle through her clothes for something that fit.

“Hide yourself from me.” She heard the sadness in his eyes and found that she could not look at him.

“I’m not pretty,” she said softly. She didn’t notice he had approached her until she felt his breath on her neck.

“No. You’re not.” He cupped her chin and forced her to look up. “You’re beautiful.” 

“I’m not,” she said, pushing herself from his arms. “I’m ugly…I’m a fire mutt. They tried to remake my skin and even the Capitol failed. I can’t…I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Katniss-“ he tried to grip her chin again but she shook her head and sidestepped him, disappearing into the bathroom. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, wondering what on earth he could do to show her how he saw her: as the most perfect being in creation. 

 

Katniss waited by the door, wearing her jacket and a floppy hat that hid her face. It had grown quite warm and Peeta raised a brow at her choice of wardrobe but said nothing as he took her hand and exited the house.  
Katniss kept her head lowered as they walked into town. Peeta noticed some stares and he waved to some who called out to him but Katniss seemed to hide herself against him and he draped an arm around her, further burying her in his side. When they came to the doctor’s office, Katniss froze and he glanced sideways at her. She started to tremble and he reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips.

“Baby, I’m right here. You can do this. You’re not alone in this.” 

“She would have…she would have worked here…she wanted to become one…”

“It’s ok, Katniss. It’s ok.” He lead her inside and the smiling nurse welcomed them and asked them to sign in. Peeta signed both their names and lead her to the chairs. The office had been completely rebuilt and seemed to be thriving with business. A smiling woman with olive skin and Seam eyes looked up and called Katniss’s name. Peeta and Katniss stood and shook the doctor’s hand.

“I’m Doctor Verrity. How are you doing, Miss Everdeen?”

“F-fine,” Katniss stammered. 

“No need to be nervous. Why don’t you come with me? Would your…er, would Mr. Mellark like to be present?” Katniss grabbed his hand quickly before he could answer and Dr. Verrity nodded. Peeta squeezed her hand, telling her he had no intention on leaving her alone. 

They followed her to one of the back rooms and Dr. Verrity invited them both to sit down. Katniss immediately liked the woman, who spoke kindly and with sparkling eyes. Peeta let Katniss do the talking and only spoke when he answered a question directed at him. After some questions, Dr. Verrity handed Katniss a gown and asked her to undress.

“I’m going to just do a quick examinaton to see how everything looks. Then we’ll go ahead and do an ultrasound. You said you had not had one done yet?”

“Well, I had one in District 13,” she said quietly. Peeta shot her a look, his brow furrowed. Katniss glanced sideways at him and bit her lip.

“You didn’t want to be there,” she said in the quietest of voices. Peeta swallowed and closed his eyes. Of course she meant when he had been hijacked. But he still would have liked to know. 

“How early in the pregnancy was it?”

“I was only, maybe, six weeks along.”

“Alright. Well this one will determine the sex and we will be able to see the baby more clearly, and make sure everything looks normal and healthy. I’ll be back in a moment.” She left and Katniss lifted the gown, frowning.

“It’s like the one they gave me after I killed Coin. There’s nothing to it. The thinnest of paper.”

“Katniss, just put it on.” She looked over at him and frowned.

“Now you’re upset? Why, because I didn’t tell you about the first ultrasound?” He was silent and she huffed.

“You hated me, Peeta. You were cursing my name. I didn’t think you would have cared to know anything about your child.” 

“I might have. You didn’t give me the chance.” 

“Look, I’m sorry. I’ve already admitted I made a lot of mistakes during the war. Can we just…start over? With this pregnancy? Can we try to forget and…move on?” Peeta closed his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to remain calm. He loved this woman. He reminded himself of it over and over. He loved her and he would forgive her for giving up. They had been through too much to let this get to him.

“Can you leave?” His eyes shot open and he saw her starting to unbutton her pants, staring at him.

“No Katniss. I told you I’m not leaving your side.” 

“Peeta--“

“I’ll close my eyes.” He turned away and covered his face and he heard her huff but also heard the sound of a zipper and clothes dropping. When he heard her climbing onto the examining table, he lowered his hands and glanced to the side where there was a blanket draped on the chair. He grabbed the edge and approached her warily. She watched him and her face softened when he spread the blanket over her. His hands trembled as he adjusted the corner to cover her and she caught his hand in hers as he started to turn away. Meeting her eyes, he pulled her hand to his lips again. The door opened and Dr. Verrity entered with an assistant. 

“Alright Katniss, lie back and we’ll make this quick. Peeta, would you like to stand beside her and hold her hand?” He moved up toward her head and took her hand. He noticed hers was shaking and he squeezed.

“I love you, Katniss, “ he whispered as he kissed her hand again. Dr. Verrity lifted the blanket and did a quick examination. She muttered to her assistant to bring the machine and she patted Katniss’s knees.

“Alright dear, that’s over with. I know it’s not comfortable but everything looks fine. Now what do you say we take a look at your little one?” Peeta’s hand was starting to grow damp as they wheeled the machine in and Dr. Verrity spread gel over Katniss’s stomach. She lifted the device and moved it over her skin, her eyes locked on the screen.

“Ah, there we are.” Peeta’s eyes flew to the screen and they widened. His throat felt dry and Katniss’s hand was squeezing his. He glanced at her and saw her eyes were locked on the screen as well. 

“Well you two. Your daughter looks perfectly healthy.” She moved the device around and Peeta could clearly see the outline of his baby. Katniss leaned up a little and she gaped at the screen.

“A little girl,” she said softly. Peeta swept down and kissed her forehead.

“Our little girl.” Dr. Verrity smiled at them as she pulled the device away.

“Congratulations. I’ll have Nurse Garth mark this video for you to take home. Do you have any questions?” 

“A daughter,” Peeta said, still dazed. Dr. Verrity chuckled.

“Yes, Peeta. You’ll be outnumbered in your house. Katniss, you can go ahead and get dressed. Peeta, if you’ll follow me? I just need you to sign some forms before you leave.” He tore his eyes away from the screen and nodded, rising to his feet. He squeezed Katniss’s hand once more before he followed the doctor out of the room. 

Peeta quickly signed the forms and nodded his thanks when the nurse handed him a bag of pamplets and their video.

“You didn’t give us a date when to expect her.”

“That’s somewhat difficult since we don’t know lot about her pregnancy. She’s approaching her third trimester, which some say, means the worst is over. But you still need to keep an eye on her. Keep her healthy. I’m a bit alarmed at how thin she is. But I…sort of expected that.” Peeta nodded, sensing the doctor’s understanding. After all, Katniss was well known to all of Panem. Everyone knew what she had suffered, what she had endured. Everyone witnessed her trial (except Peeta, of course, who had been kept in isolation during the time) and everyone knew that she had been banished to District 12. Not everyone, however, knew that she was pregnant. He bit his lip and shuffled his feet.

“Doctor Verrity…I would ask that you keep this to yourself. That is, not many people know…and we’re not quite ready to--“

“Peeta. We owe so much to you and to the Mockingjay. Your secret is safe with me,” she assured him. He smiled and nodded.

“Your baby looks perfectly healthy and it seems you can expect her at the end of the summer. We can’t know an exact date but I would say around late July, early August.” Peeta swallowed. That was barely four months away. He had a lot of planning to do. 

“Thank you,” he said again as Katniss came out the door. He wrapped his arm around her waist and gave her a loving smile, which she returned.

“Please call me if you have any questions or concerns, Katniss. I’ll help in any way I can.”

“Thank you,” she said gratefully, before putting her hat back on and leading Peeta out of the office.

“Doctor Verrity says we can’t know an exact date but she thinks it will be around late July or early August,” Peeta explained as they walked through town. Katniss kept her jacket wrapped around her and attempted to shield her stomach. Peeta assisted by keeping his arms around her and staying close. To outsiders, it looked like the star-crossed lovers just couldn’t get enough of each other. 

“I should call Cressida when we get home,” she said quietly. Peeta raised a brow and she shrugged.

“I made her a deal. I promised her she could reveal the story. People will know soon enough. I doubt anyone in that doctor’s office can keep a secret.”

“They respect you, Katniss. They owe you. They won’t go blabbing.” 

“You see too much good in people, Peeta. And I’m not the only one they owe. Someone else had far more lost in the war than I did.” He swallowed and his arm tightened around her waist.

“We all lost a lot. Now let’s focus on our future and not the past. I kind of want to buy a baby book. You know, for name ideas.”

“You don’t think we can be creative ourselves?”

“That’s not what I…” he trailed off, his eyes widening and his jaw slack. Katniss turned to face what had stolen his words and she gasped. They stood in front of what used to be the bakery. It had not been reconstructed yet and so it was piles of brick with glass all over the ground, torn pages from recipe books, and small wooden signs with ‘Mellark Bakery’ painted on them. Peeta released her and walked, almost in a trance, toward the rubble. She watched him warily, biting her lip. Peeta’s prosthetic crunched the glass underneath him and he bent down to pick up one of the torn pieces of paper. Katniss took a step forward, unsure if she should go to him or not. 

“Peeta?” He was silent as he stared straight ahead.

“I did this,” he finally spoke in a deadly whisper. She rushed to him at once, grabbing his hand but he flung it away and shook his head.

“No, you didn’t. This was the Capitol. None of it was your fault. Look at me. It wasn’t your fault!”

“It was yours,” he said viciously, snapping his head to the side. Katniss grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him around. He snarled, trying to wrestle from her grip but she shook her head.

“Peeta, LISTEN to me. This isn’t real. Look at me. I’m real. I’m a victor and a survivor and the mockingjay and carrying your child. I’m not a mutt, I’m real. I love you. That’s real. Do you hear me? I LOVE YOU.” His breathing grew heavy as he squeezed his eyes shut. He slammed to his knees and she followed him down, caressing his face and his hands went to her arms.

“Katniss.”

“I’m here, Peeta. I’ll always be right here.” 

“Katniss.” He broke down in sobs and she pulled him into her, cradling his head. His arms wrapped around her waist as his sobs shook them both. She knelt in the rubble as she held him close, soothing him with her loving words. She winced as broken glass dug into her leg but she did not move. She allowed him to cry until all his tears had been released. When he finally pulled away, she kissed his forehead and pushed his hair out of his eyes. 

“Come on. Let’s go home,” she said softly, trying to pull him up. He stumbled to his feet and pulled her up with him. They did not look back at the town as they walked towards Victor’s Village. 

Peeta took notice of Katniss limping as they approached his house. He watched her walk up the steps, frowning after her.

“Katniss,” he said as he closed the door behind him. “What happened?”

“Nothing, I just scratched my leg.” 

“Really? Cause you’re limping worse than me. Let me see.” Reluctantly, she hiked up her pants leg and his eyes widened at the deep gash and the blood trailing down.

“Katniss! Why didn’t you say something?”

“You were more important,” she said dismissively. With a heavy sigh, Peeta helped her into the chair in the living room and he hurried up to get medical supplies from the bathroom. When he returned, she had her legs stretched out on the ottoman. 

“Ok, take your pants off so I can clean it.”

“Um, no thanks.” He rolled his eyes.

“Katniss, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” She still didn’t move and he crossed his arms.

“I’ll rip them off you if I need.”

“Why can’t you just clean it while they’re on?”

“Because I can’t get to the full wound. You slept in a T-shirt last night. What’s the problem now?”

“You can’t see me at night,” she said in a quiet voice. He let out a deep sigh and lowered his head. He rose to his knees and disappeared up the stairs for a moment. When he returned, he held a pair of his shorts out for her.

“Then put these on. I’ll be right back.” While he went to the kitchen to start on lunch, she shimmied out of her pants with a wince and slid Peeta’s shorts on. Though he was slender, they were much too big on her and she had to tie them around her waist and her shirt dropped low over them. He returned and had to smile.

“I told you, you look perfect in my clothes.” She rolled her eyes at him but smiled. He lowered to his knees beside the ottoman and proceeded to clean the wound gently before applying a generous amount of ointment and antibiotic. She hissed as the wound stung and he glanced up at her.

“Sort of dejavu, huh?”

“Except I had nothing to work with. You’re a much better doctor than I am.”

“You saved my life, Katniss.” She said nothing as he went back to work, wrapping the bandage around her leg and keeping it propped on the ottoman. He closed the first-aid kit and climbed up beside her, kissing her softly.

“Thank you,” she said softly. 

“If I ever hurt you during a flashback…I’ll never forgive myself, Katniss.”

“You didn’t hurt me! And you didn’t have a flashback you just…had a bad memory. I pulled you out of it. Stop blaming yourself.” He kissed her forehead before he hurried back into the kitchen, scooping some stew onto a plate and setting a few cheesebuns beside it.

“Here’s some lunch. I kind of need to go back into town to get some things for the kitchen and maybe look for a baby book. Do you want to come?”

“I think I’ve had enough of town for one day,” she said tiredly, biting into a cheesebun. He nodded in understanding.

“Rest then and I’ll be back in a little while. If you have anything you need me to get from the store, write it down.” She shook her head and he gave her head a quick kiss before he closed the door behind him. Katniss finished her lunch and settled into the comfortable chair, closing her eyes and falling asleep. 

 

Katniss’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the door closing and she glanced at the clock. Gasping at how late it was, she lowered her injured leg to the floor and made to stand up. Wincing, she limped to the doorway and saw Peeta setting bags and bags on the counters in the kitchen.

“Did you go on a shopping spree?” she asked, making him jump and whirl around.

“Hey, I thought you were still asleep.”

“No, I slept all day! I won’t be able to go to sleep tonight. What in the world did you buy?”

“More baking supplies. Got to keep you supplied with cheese buns,” he said with a wink. “I got some necessities for the house. And I might have, um, bought you a few things.” He nudged one of the bags closer to her and watched her cautiously.

“I guessed on your size. And don’t feel obligated to keep any of it, I just thought…I thought they would be nice.” Curiously, she peered into the bag and pulled out the contents. There were several dresses, one that reached the floor and some shorter than the others. There were several large shirts and two pairs of comfortable looking pants. Maternity clothes. She glanced up at him and he bit his lip.

“You can’t wear my clothes forever.”

“It’s very sweet of you, Peeta…but I’m not…I don’t want…” she couldn’t seem to finsh and she quietly folded the clothes again and lay them on the table. He moved from   
the counter and his hands went to her waist, pulling her closer.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m terrified,” she finally looked up at him, her eyes glassy. 

“So tell me why.” He pushed a curl behind her ear and she sniffled.

“I’ve gone back and forth, back and forth, about wanting this baby, the whole pregnancy. From day one, I have been so scared. I don’t want people to know yet, because I don’t want people trying to come into our lives. All they care about is seeing the star-crossed lovers together at last. I don’t want our child exploited. And I don’t feel like myself anymore. I mean, I haven’t felt like myself in a long time but when I look down and see this…bump, I’m just reminded, it’s not just my body anymore. I’m just…scared.” She found herself crushed against his chest, with his arms wrapped tightly around her.

“Katniss,” he sighed. “You’re not alone in this. I’ve told you, I will never leave you. And people respect you. They respect us. We helped end the war. I’m not saying people won’t pry into our lives but they will celebrate our baby, her birth is going to be big news. We won’t let her be exploted and I will protect both of you from anything and everything. But this about you and your body…you’re still you, baby. There’s just…more of you. More for me to love.” She looked up into his eyes and saw all the love had had for her swirling in those depths of blue, and she had to smile. He cupped her chin and leaned down to kiss her and felt her press herself against him. His heart started to race as he felt her arms wrap around his neck and one of her hands bury itself in his hair. He leaned them against the counter, holding her close. 

“Peeta,” she whimpered against his lips. 

“God Katniss. I want you so bad.” 

“I-I…” but she stopped and glanced down at her stomach as it emitted a low growl. Peeta chuckled and released her.

“You just can’t let mommy and daddy have any time, can you baby,” he muttered, lowering to his knees and placing a kiss on her stomach. Her hands went back to his curls and she stroked his head as he leaned into her, his ear against her belly. He gave the baby bump another kiss before he stood and kissed her lips again.

“I bought ingredients to make lamb stew,” he smiled when her eyes lit up. “Want to help me?” She nodded and he moved all of the bags into the living room. She helped him and peered into another bag.

“What’s all this?”

“I want to start painting again,” he said, showing her the easel and paints he had bought. “I realized how much I missed it.”

“What do you plan to paint?”

“I don’t know yet. But I would really love to paint you, if you would let me.” Her eyes widened and she fell silent and he did not press the matter. They transferred all the bags into the living room, then set to work on dinner.   
Katniss loved the demestic feel of it all. Something as simple as making dinner together gave them both such joy that both of them had on broad, genuine smiles. They talked as they worked, about things they liked, things they didn’t like. Things from their childhood. They avoided talking about the war and the games. They both realized there was still so much they did not know about each other. Katniss still had trouble talking about Prim but Peeta worked around it, asking about stories when she was younger, not mentioning her sister’s name directly. Like Katniss, Peeta had trouble talking about his family and seemed to go quiet when she asked if they had baked a lot as a family. They both learned which subjects to avoid and which ones made them smile. Peeta was overjoyed to see her smiling so much. It had been a long time since those smiles stayed glued on their faces and Peeta loved the normalcy of just being with the woman he loved. When dinner was ready, they sat across from each other and ate quietly, occasionally making small comments about their childhood or something that Peeta remembered from one of his baking lessons. It was rather difficult, Katniss realized, to find topics that did not cause them pain. Katniss’s childhood had been more than rough and the two people she had been with the most, Prim and Gale, were the two names she could not say. Though Peeta had been in love with her from an early age, they had belonged to different social groups in school and Katniss did not particularly like to hear how other girls brought him gifts or tried to bake him cookies. So after awhile, they fell silent, enjoying the feel of each other’s hands. After dinner, they cleaned the dishes together and went to sit on the couch for a few minutes before they both decided to just go on up to bed. Peeta grabbed one of the bags and wrapped his other arm around Katniss’s shoulder as he lead her up to their room. After changing for bed, he slid under the covers and propped her head up on his chest. He pulled out a book and he smiled.

“Want to try to come up with some names for our little angel in there?”

“As long as there aren’t any horrible Capitol names in there.” She remembered Cashmere, Gloss, and Glimmer from the Games and she shuddered. He grinned and flipped through the book. 

“Oh, what about Daisy? It goes with Katniss, a pretty flower.”

“Katniss flowers aren’t particularly pretty,” she said tiredly. “And Daisy sounds like an old lady’s name.” Peeta rolled his eyes but flipped the page. He read off several names, all of which made Katniss screw up her nose. He gave her a bewildered look.

“Do you have any ideas?”

“I was sort of thinking of Finley. Or Skye. Those names lingered with me for some reason.”

“I like Skye. Let’s just keep looking.” He flipped the page and noticed she had closed her eyes, her breathing had gotten steadier which meant she had fallen asleep. Giving her a loving smile and a gentle kiss, he lay the book on the table and turned the light off. He settled deeper into the covers and slipped his arm underneath her, bringing her closer into his embrace, before nuzzling up closer and quickly finding sleep.


	36. Chapter 36

Peeta was impressed and grateful that neither of them were having nightmares. When he awoke, he saw that she still slept so he decided to slip downstairs and bake. As he mixed frosting together, he thought about how much he missed this and how he wished he could start baking for other people again. With the amount of supplies he had bought, he could in reality go around and sell some baked goods. Licking the frosting off his finger, he started to get excited about his idea and he started to prepare more bowls and dishes for a grand baking day.   
Katniss stretched and glanced out the window, smiling at the sunlight streaming into the room. The window was cracked open and a cool breeze wrapped around her. She went to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth, before she came back in and pulled out one of the bags Peeta had brought upstairs. She held up one of the dresses he had bought and cocked her head. She had never been much for dresses but she appreciated the softness of the material. It was a deep green that fell just above her knees. She slipped it on and ran her fingertips down the sides. Glancing down, she shrugged at how much of her legs showed. They weren’t the worst anyway. Her arms, however, bothered her and she slipped on a knitted cardigan over it. Glancing in the mirror, she felt quite pretty. It was a bit low-cut for her taste but her breasts had gotten much bigger in the past months and her eyes widened at how her cleavage looked. With a wicked grin, she imagined how Peeta would react to the dress. She quickly braided her hair on the side and with a last approving glance in the mirror, she went to search for Peeta.

She was greeted by the tatalizing smell of cakes baking and she stopped on the stairs to inhale the sweet scents. She watched him move around the kitchen, lost in thought, a baker through and through. He flipped through the receipe book he was referring to, he tasted the frosting with the tip of his finger before scrunching up his nose and adding more ingredients. He paused to roll up the sleeves of his shirt and he leaned against the counter.   
Katniss quietly made her way down the stairs and leaned against the wall, grinning at her boy with the bread. 

“What are you baking?”

“I thought I’d make several different kinds…” his eyes bulged as he turned to face her, his jaw going slack. He stood there, drinking in the sight, his eyes traveling over her lovely frame. Her face went pink at his reaction and she picked at her fingernails, her face lowered. 

“You look…” he struggled to breath, struggled to find the words. “You look…perfect.” 

“Thank you for the dress,” she sighed in relief, glad that the tension was broken. He nodded and watched her approach him. The dress fit her well and clung to her curves. Her breasts peeked out at him from the low V, and the baby bump was evident against the soft material. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, sweeping her braid to the side so he could kiss her neck. She moaned and tilted her head, sighing his name as his tongue swept across her skin. His arm moved from her shoulder to her waist, pulling her against his chest. His hands reached around and cupped her breasts, his thumbs finding her hardened peaks through the dress. She tossed her head back against his chest and moaned again and he lowered his lips to her neck, kissing and sucking. His hands moved from her breasts to her stomach and he felt a little kick. 

“I guess she doesn’t like it when we get like this,” he chuckled against her hair.

“She’ll have to get used to it,” Katniss said a little grumpily. He laughed and pulled away and she turned into him to kiss him again.

“What were you saying before I took your breath away,” she said with a grin.

“Truer words have never been spoken. I was saying that I thought I would make different cakes and pastries and maybe go around selling them. Dad did very well with the bakery when he got it going, so many people learned to respect and love the name of Mellark.”

“Then you should open your own bakery,” she said matter-of-factly. He froze, staring at her and she bit her lip, wondering if that was the wrong thing to say.

“I-I just mean…instead of going around and selling them…you could, you know, sell them from your own bakery. And people already know you…they would come buy your baked goods…I mean…” she bit her lip and fell silent. Peeta swallowed and went back to the mixing bowl on the counter.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” he said quietly. She went around and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek against his back. His hands covered hers and he closed his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to push you or anything. It was only an idea. I’ll support you in whatever you do. Show me what you want me to learn and I can try to help in any way I can.”  
“Ok, why don’t you mix the frosting. It’s really easy, I’ve already added the ingredients. This one is a vanilla frosting, this one is strawberry, and this is a chocolate and raspberry frosting. Mix them until they are thick and creamy and I will have the cakes cooling.” He watched her start to mix and he nodded before turning back to the ovens. 

He showed her how to ice a cake, how to mix up the ingredients, and even how to pipe the frosting. She watched in fasination as he piped the cake, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. She grinned at the sight. She went around to see what he was writing and she gasped when she saw her name in green   
letters.

“I thought you were selling them all.”

“I decided this one was special,” he said with a smile, turning toward her. It was a small round chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and green iced letters. He had made her name with flourishes and a few small flowers off in the corners. She gazed at him with wide eyes.

“It’s mine?”

“All yours, sweetheart.” He handed her the cake and she took it with trembling hands.

“I’ve…I’ve never had a cake before.” He stared at her.

“Never?”

“We always came by to look into the windows, at the cakes. She…she always wanted to go in. I wished more than anything I could afford one for her. For my birthday one year she tried to bake me one and it was the most terrible thing I’ve ever tasted. I ate ever bite to spare her feelings.” Her eyes were welling up with tears and he moved closer to caress her face.

“I would have snuck you one if you had come in.”

“Your mother beat you for burning bread. I don’t want to think about what she would have done if you had stolen a cake!” He merely shrugged.

“You’re worth it,” he simply said. She shook her head and studied the cake. He laughed a little.

“Are you going to taste it or just stare at it?”

“It’s so pretty, I don’t want to ruin it.”

“I’ve made prettier. And I will make you a much prettier one. Just try it.” He handed her a fork but she had already stuck her finger into the frosting and brought it to her lips, closing her eyes as she moaned with pleasure. The sight and sound made Peeta harden immediately. He dug the fork into the cake and lifted a piece to her mouth. She felt the chocolate against her lips and opened her mouth, accepting the sweet and relishing it with her tongue. He offered her another piece and her eyes opened, watching him as he fed her. His eyes darkened with lust, as he watched her tongue dart out to lick the chocolate from the corner of her mouth. As she finished the last bite of cake, he scooped up the frosting onto his finger and offered it to her. Her tongue wrapped around his finger, sucking the sugar off his skin and he let out a little hiss as her eyes met his again. 

“Shit, Katniss,” he whispered. She grinned as she leaned forward to kiss him and he tasted the cream on her tongue. His hands went to her face and he kissed her fiercely before realizing he had gotten chocolate on her cheeks. Grinning, he leaned forward and his tongue swirled around her flesh, collecting the frosting and savoring the sweetness of the sugar and of her combined. His hands went underneath her and he lifted her into his arms, carrying her into the living room and setting her onto the couch. He hovered over her, licking and sucking at her neck, while his hands moved lower to find her nipples through the dress. She arched into his hands and he moved his tongue lower, kissing at her neck and moving the dress aside with his nose. He reached up and lowered the dress so that one of her breasts spilled forward and she sighed a little as the cold air met her sensitive flesh. His mouth covered it in no time and she gasped as she threw her head back, her hands moving to grip his thighs. He bucked against her involuntarily, swiping his tongue across her nipple before taking her full breast into his mouth and sucking eagerly. Her fingers quickly went to the button of his jeans and she started to tug; he lifted his hips to assist her and tore his mouth away from her as she stroked him through his boxers. 

“Oh god, Katniss,” he said, his eyes squeezed shut. She leaned down and licked him through the material, pulling his legs toward her so that he was stretched out on the couch. She reached up and pulled the waistband out and down, allowing his throbbing cock to spring free. He watched her, wide-eyed, as she leaned down and planted a kiss on the tip. His breathing was frantic, his hands clutched the cushion with white knuckles and he threw his head back as he felt her tongue slide up and down his skin. Her lips teased and taunted him and he opened his eyes to watch her again as she lowered her head and closed her lips around him. He let out a strangled cry as she hollowed her cheeks and moved up and down, bringing him to his peak. His hands grasped at her braid and his hips jerked uncontrollably.

“Fuck, Katniss! Shit, I’m going to…oh shit!” He tried to tug her away but she increased her pace, her hand moving up and down with her mouth. Her curious hand moved down and cupped his balls and with a final jerk of his hips, he exploded. She continued to suck him dry and let him fall from her lips, leaning back to watch him as he lay boneless on the couch. Smiling, she climbed up his body and kissed his lips softly. 

“Good god woman, you are going to kill me,” he panted. 

“I have to admit, I like that dirty mouth of yours when we do that.”

“I’ll just bet you do,” he said with a smirk before leaning up and claiming her mouth again. His hands moved from her waist to slide under her dress, where he rubbed her through the cloth. She gasped into his mouth and bucked her hips. 

“God Katniss, I want to taste you. All I’ve thought about this morning, is touching you and tasting you and making you mine. Making you scream my name.” She bucked her hips again and he cupped her center, his thumb applying pressure as he slid along her clothed slit. He noticed she was getting wetter by the minute and he relished that he was the one who could make her feel this way. 

“I want you to sit on my face, Katniss,” he whispered as he kissed her neck. She pulled away, her eyes wide.

“What?”

“Just trust me.” He held her hands as she scooted up his body and he moved underneath her. Her hands went to the back of the couch and she rose up on her knees, while he moved further down the couch, so that he was eye level with her dripping center. Katniss bit her lip as she glanced down at him but the moment his loving gaze caught hers, she relaxed. Peeta reached up and rubbed her through her damp underwear before he slid them to the side, and stroked with one finger. He leaned up and ran his tongue up and down, teasing her mercilessly. She gripped the couch with both hands and tossed her head back, as his tongue dove in and out. He reached up to spread her wider and allow him better access and he sucked at her as if he was starving for her. 

“Oh my god, Peeta!” 

“You taste so fucking delicious, Katniss.” His hands gripped her thighs so tightly, she knew there would be bruises but she didn’t care. He was marking her as his. It would be his fingerprints and no one else’s. She grinded against his mouth as he buried his face in her sweet spot. His teeth nipped at the little bundle of nerves and she let out a stream of curse words.

“Oh, fuck, yes Peeta!” 

“That’s right, baby. Scream my name. Scream it so the whole world can hear.” 

“God yes, Peeta, I’m…I’m about to...”

“Come for me, Katniss. I want to see it. I want to see you come undone.” With that, he focused on her clit once more, his tongue driving over and over until she screamed his name and nearly fell back. He caught her in his arms and lowered her to the couch, lying beside her. She shuddered in the after-math of her orgasm and he pushed her damp hair away from her face. 

“You’re…amazing,” she gasped out. He chuckled and nuzzled her with his nose before he kissed her. 

“You’re pretty amazing yourself. Can you move?”

“Give me a minute.” He laughed, pleased with himself, and gently kissed her forehead. 

“I need to check on the cakes. I’ll be back.” He yanked on his boxers and jeans and Katniss watched him hurry from the room, pulling his clothes on over his slender hips. She grinned at the sight of his muscular backside disappearing and she threw an arm over her eyes. Holy freaking hell. That boy was talented with his tongue in and out of the bedroom. Not once had she imagined that something could feel that incredible. She suddenly started to think of him using other things to drive her to completion and a wetness pooled in her center again. She wanted him. She knew she wanted him and she wanted him soon. Now how would she convince him that it was time to take that next step? Granted they had already done it once…she wouldn’t count that. She wanted to make it incredible for him and she wanted to take it as slowly as he would need. She bit her lip as her thoughts and heart raced for the man in the next room. 

Katniss hurried upstairs to change her underwear, brush out her hair, and spritz some perfume on before she returned to the kitchen. Peeta looked up when she entered and he grinned. 

“Didn’t think you’d be able to move for quite awhile.”

“Maybe you overestimate your abilities.” His face fell.

“Ouch. Below the belt, Miss Everdeen.”

“Sorry Mr. Mellark. You may just have to remind me of your abilities later on.” He grinned and waggled his eyebrow.

“Don’t worry, I plan to.” She walked around him and watched him ice the cake.

“Peeta, yesterday you called me your…well, you called me your fiancé.” He said nothing and she merely watched him. When he looked up and noticed her staring at him,   
he raised a brow.

“I did ask you to marry me, didn’t I? Am I wrong in calling you that?”

“No. I mean…do you…do you still want to?”

“Katniss, I was that pathetic little boy dreaming about my wedding day. I made my own wedding cake so many times, my dad laughed and laughed at me. ‘Who is your bride’, he would ask the little me and when I didn’t answer, he would nudge me and say ‘Nevermind, I don’t need to ask. Your little songbird, of course. One day, you’ll marry Katniss Everdeen.’ Of course I thought he was crazy but…my dreams would come true, Katniss, if you agreed to be my wife.”

“I want nothing more, Peeta,” she replied and he sucked in a breath, feeling like all the wind had been knocked out of him. “But I don’t want a big fancy ceremony. I want it to be you and me. Like it’s always been. Or should have been. We don’t need to tell lots of people until after it’s done. And I want it to be soon. I want to start our lives together as soon as possible.” He stared at her for the longest time before he finally moved. Very slowly, he went to her and took her hands.

“Katniss Everdeen. Would you join me for a toasting this evening?” 

“You’re…you’re certain?”

“100%,” he said with a nod and a smile. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the mouth. He broke away and planted small kisses all over her face and she backed away, giggling.

“Ok,” he breathed. “Looks like I have something else to bake today. Could you set these cakes in the fridge for me? I need some more counter space.” She collected the tray of cakes and placed them on the top shelf of the fridge and he moved the rest of them to the side. He flipped the page of the recipe book and found what he was looking for. She glanced at the book and her face fell slightly.

“Is this the only book that survived?” He nodded slowly.

“I had this one here with me already. As far as I know…the rest of them were destroyed.” He had difficulty swallowing and she lay her head on his arm. He stopped what he was doing and wrapped her in his embrace, pressing his cheek to hers.

“I’ll help you make new ones,” she whispered. “I’ll help you make new memories.”

“You’re my life, Katniss. Plain and simple. You and our little girl, you’re my miracles.” She looked up at him and she reached up to wipe a tear from his eyes. 

“And you are ours.” He leaned down to kiss her and they stood, connected at the lips for the longest time. It wasn’t hurried or overfilled with passion, but soft and sweet and perfect. 

“Can I help make the bread?”

“Of course.” He showed her the recipe and called out the ingredients to add. He came around her and placed his hands over hers as they mixed them together, creating the smoothe dough. When it came time to spread it out, Peeta showed her how to knead the dough and smoothe it out and their hands worked together. Katniss loved that they were doing this together, that they were creating something special for themselves and it had an even deeper significance to it. She watched him as they worked and adored the smile that he could not keep off his face. 

As he sprinkled the walnuts and the raisins, he chanced a glance at his love and felt his heart speed up. He could not believe that in a few hours time, she would at last be his. That after all of his years of dreaming and pining, after all the hell they had been through, that he would lay down next to her at the end of the day. He felt giddy and light, as if the Games had never happened. But then, he reminded himself, had the Games not happened, he would never have spoken to her. They would not be here, had it all not happened. He watched her roll the dough into loaves, as he had showed her, and he nodded when she turned to look at him.

“Looks great. We just need to bake and let them cool. I’ll go ahead and finish these cakes.” 

“You think I should go hunting for our dinner? I saw several turkeys last time.” He tried to hide his excitement at the prospect of fresh turkey as he shrugged.

“If you want to.” She laughed.

“Ok, I’m going to change and go see if I can get anything. I won’t be long.”

“Katniss,” he caught her hand and gave her a pleading look. She squeezed it.

“I’ll be careful, I promise.” She leaned up to kiss him before hurrying up to their room. She quickly changed into her comfortable pants and an old shirt of Peeta’s before tugging on her hunting jacket. Deciding it may be too warm for the jacket, she draped it over the chair, grabbed her bow, and headed back downstairs. She stopped to kiss Peeta again before heading out the door.   
Peeta watched her go, feeling his heart sink a little. 

“She’ll be fine,” he told himself as he turned to ice the last cake. His hand shook a little and he shook his head.

“Stop it. She’s independent and brave and she will be JUST fine.” He tried to pipe the cake but found his hands shaking too badly so he huffed and tossed the piping tube aside. Placing the finished cakes in the fridge with the rest, he brushed his hands off and went upstairs to change. He entered their room and his eyes fell on her indentation in the bed. He lowered himself to the sheets and buried his face in the pillow, inhaling her scent, just to make sure it was all real. That he wasn’t stuck in some far-fetched dream and she really had been here. 

“Real,” he breathed, leaning up from the pillow. He went to his closet and searched for an outfit, his brow furrowed slightly. Remembering something, he reached up to the top shelf and pulled down a small box. Glancing inside, he smiled and nodded.

“It’s real. This is really happening,” he told himself before closing the box and tossing his outfit on the bed.


	37. Chapter 37

“Peeta?” Katniss shook the rain from her hair and stomped on the mat to get rid of the mud from her boots. She set the plucked bird on a newspaper lying by and she shivered slightly.

“Kitchen,” he called back and she grabbed the turkey and went to meet him. She stopped at the sight that met her.  
Candles were on the table, her vase of dendelions were in the center, and Peeta stood by the counter looking handsome in a pair of khaki pants and a simple white button up. His golden curls were brushed to the side and his shirt was rolled up so that she could see his strong arms so clearly. She felt her breath leave her and when he turned, his eyes widened.

“I was hoping you would make it back before the rain hit.”

“Yeah, I almost did but then got caught on the way home. I stayed out on the porch to pluck and skin the bird. I’ll get dinner started and--“

“No ma’am, you’re going to take off those soaked clothes before you catch something.” She rolled her eyes.

“Peeta, it’s spring.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t get sick! Why don’t you go up and get a warm shower and I’ll make dinner.” 

“I’ve stuck you with all the cooking and the baking,” she pouted slightly. 

“You’ll just have to find a way to make it up to me,” he said, cupping her chin and giving her a wink. She laughed as she leaned in to kiss him, then shook her wet hair at him.

“Ugh, Katniss! You’re worse than a dog.” She giggled and Peeta had to laugh.

“Go get in the shower you little minx.”

“Or you’ll do what to me?” He raised a brow at her tone and adjusted his pants, noticing they were becoming rather tight. He tried to ignore how the dress was plastered to her skin and he could see her hardened nipples so clearly, how they begged to be touched. 

“I’ll have to think of some acceptable punishments. I’ll get back to you.” She rolled her eyes and turned to head upstairs, squealing when he gave her a playful smack on the ass. She noticed a package sitting on the table and she cocked her head.

“Peeta, what is this?’

“Oh it came for you while you were out. It’s from Johanna.” Cuious, she ripped the tape off and peered into the box but with a gasp, she closed it again. Peeta glanced over at her, bemused.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah. Everything’s fine. Going to jump into the shower.”

“But--“ but she had grabbed the box and was gone. Peeta shook his head and went back to cutting the meat. 

Upstairs, Katniss grabbed the note from the top of the box and read with wide eyes.

 

Hey Brainless-

I hope you’re doing better than you were. I’d heard that bread boy was returning to you and really hope things work out. I know you’ll make the right decisions, whatever those are.   
Don’t be afraid to live, Katniss. We all lost so much and in the end, what does it matter what we lost? What matters is what is still with us. You and Peeta are destined to be together and need to work together to figure out how to make it all work. Don’t think about the past, don’t think about what’s behind you. What matters is what lies ahead. 

I wanted to get this to you before he returned to District 12 but I think I’m a little late. I wanted you to be able to give him a good reunion night but instead, just use it to drive him crazy. When you finally do figure things out, he will be waiting and he will be more inclined to accept your apology if you are wearing this.   
Take care of yourself, Brainless! Give a little and get a little from me!

-Jo

 

Katniss dropped the note, her hands clapping to her mouth. She wasn’t sure what to think about that last line but her eyes went back to the contents of the package and she blushed three shades of red. Johanna had sent her lingerie. Sexy lingerie. Katniss blushed again and shook her head.

“You’re crazy, Jo,” she muttered to herself, holding it up. It was a see-through lace babydoll in Peeta’s favorite color of a muted orange. The matching panties had tiny bows on the side, for very easy access and a simple ribbon that was meant to go between the cheeks. She dropped it in the box and shook her head again. No way she could wear that. And six months pregnant? She already didn’t feel attractive because of her scars. But then she thought about how patient and wonderful Peeta was with her. How pained he seemed every time she refused to let him see her. How he had asked her if she trusted him and how she trusted him with her life. How he had been dreaming of this day all his life.

She would make tonight extra special for him. She was determined to give him everything she possibly could. To make up for lost time, as Peeta had loved her far longer than she had loved him, she would put her life and her trust in his hands. And she knew she would be safe. She knew she was loved. And she knew she loved him with all her heart and soul. So she snuck the box under her bed, grabbed a towel, and headed toward the bathroom to shower. 

She went through the closet and studied the dresses Peeta had bought her. One in particular caught her eye and she pulled it off the hanger. It was his favorite color, the same orange as the lingerie. It was low cut but it was floor length and was silky smoothe. When she pulled it on, she sighed at how luxurious it felt. She left her hair hanging down, as Peeta liked it, and she quickly rubbed some ointment onto her scars before she made her way downstairs.   
Peeta heard her coming down and he finished setting the table. He turned and felt his knees buckle a little. She looked absolutely beautiful and the way the light danced on her olive skin made him want her more than he ever had. He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips.

“There are no words for your beauty,” he muttered as his lips grazed her skin. She smiled and accepted his kisses before he lead her around to the table. He pulled the chair out for her and sat across from her, smiling when she sniffed eagerly at the food. 

“Oh, before I forget.” She looked up curiously as he ran to the living room, returning with a box. 

“I bought this yesterday. I want to capture as many memories as possible. After what happened…we need to remember everything.” She smiled as he unwrapped the new camera, and he went around and knelt on one knee behind her, holding the camera out to take a picture of the both of them. He then kissed her cheek while she continued to smile at the camera, then finally they both turned into each other and kissed while the flash went off again. Peeta grinned as he rose and went back to his seat, setting the camera down. Katniss snatched it up and snapped pictures of the table setting, the food, and of the perfect man sitting across from her. 

“I want to remember it all,” she said, setting it back down. Peeta made plates for them both and picked up his fork.

“Peeta, I have a favor to ask.” He nodded, his fork paused in front of his mouth.

“After the toasting…will you paint a picture of me?” He nearly dropped his fork. His eyes bulging, he could only nod. 

“I-I’d love to. Wearing that dress?”

“More or less,” she shrugged and he watched her, bemused. But she went back to eating and so he did the same. The dinner was delicious and they finished rather quickly. Peeta wiped his mouth with the napkin before whisking their plates away and setting them in the sink. He picked up a covered plate then offered his hand to her. She picked up the camera and followed him into the living room. Peeta had Katniss sit comfortably on the couch while he hurriedly started a fire. She watched him as the flames flickered on his handsome face and she sighed contentedly. When the fire was roaring, he turned back to her and held out his hand, bringing her down into the floor with him. He leaned over and uncovered the bread and his fingers entwined with hers. They both broke off a piece of the bread and held it close to the flames. Peeta grabbed the forks from the plates and speared the bread, so they could get closer to the fire. Katniss noticed that the bread was burning slightly but when her eyes found his, they were filled with love and laughter.

“Katniss. I’m always so good with words but right now, I can’t find any. There just aren’t any to express how happy you have made me, how perfect you are, or how much I love you. So I’ll just say, that I vow to love and protect you until my dying breath, and then I will continue to love you from the heavens. I would take every bit of what the Capitol did to me again and again, because not going through it would mean not being with you. And I got to fall in love with you all over again. So Katniss Everdeen, will you accept my love and my offering tonight?”

“Tonight, tomorrow night, and every night after,” she answered softly. He took the bread from the fork and held it to her lips. She closed her eyes at the rich flavors and how the burned edges tasted on her tongue, remembering how the burned bread had tasted so many years ago. How it had saved her life. How he had saved her life. She swallowed it down and opened her eyes, only to find his glassy blue eyes gazing down at her. 

“Peeta. I’m terrible with words. I always have been. All I can do is apologize, over and over, for what I’ve put you through, what you’ve endured, and tell you I will make it up to you every day, for the rest of our lives. I realized a while back that I loved you. I realized later on that I could not possibly survive if you were not here with me. You’ve changed me completely, Peeta, and for that I’m grateful. I won’t make false promises that I will be the perfect wife or that our lives will be perfect…but I will vow to love you unconditionally and to never ever stop fighing for your love. I’m yours, Peeta. You saved my life when we were little. You fed me and kept me alive. So I ask you, Peeta Mellark, to let me feed you tonight and let me love you for the rest of our lives.” Peeta could not answer; his throat was stuck and he didn’t trust himself to speak or the sobs might rain down. But Katniss understood. With a smile, she took the bread from her fork and held it up to his mouth. He accepted the crisp toast and he too closed his eyes as he ate. When he opened his eyes, he moved closer and drew her into his embrace. Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a black box and opened it to reveal matching silver bands, one with a layer of diamonds. Beside it lay a simple silver band with an emerald in the center. Her hands flew to her mouth and he smiled as he took her hand.

“If ever you forget, for any reason, how much I love you, just look at these and remember that I will always be by your side. Always.” 

“Peeta…these are…they’re beautiful.”

“They belonged to my great-grandparents. Dad gave them to me when we announced our engagement and I just…kept them, hoping one day I could present them to you. For real. The emerald I bought in town.” She gazed down at her hand as the emerald caught the firelight and looked perfect on her slender finger. She took his hand slid the other ring onto his finger and kissed his palm. His hand went to her face and moved to the back of her hair, pulling her in for a kiss. 

“Is this really happening,” he breathed into the kiss.

“Real, Peeta. So real.”


	38. Chapter 38

They sat there making out and Peeta occasionally snapped pictures, of the fire, of the rings, of themselves. He seemed content just holding his wife, his head resting on her shoulder while her back pressed against his chest. His hands splayed on her pregnant belly and she ran her fingers over his knuckles. 

“I almost forgot,” he suddenly exclaimed, making her jump. “You asked me to paint you tonight.” 

“We don’t have to do that tonight--“

“No, I really want to. Let me just get the easel and paints ready. Come with me.” He helped her up and grabbed the bag of supplies as he lead her upstairs towards the extra bedrooms. He pushed the door open and she walked inside, her jaw wide open. It was clearly his painting studio. There were canvases and canvases of paintings. Some were clearly of the Arena, which made her shudder. Others were of her. He watched her carefully as she walked around, studying each one.

“Peeta, these are…they’re wonderful.”

“I thought you hated them.”

“I don’t like the ones from the Arena. But only because of what they remind me of. They truly are wonderful though.” 

“I paint what I see. Ok, let’s see…you can sit or lie down there, just let me adjust the easel.” He quickly set to mixing paints and priming the canvas. She bit her lip.

“I’m just going to…freshen up real quick. I’ll be right back.”

“Alright.”

Once in their bedroom, she leaned against the door and took a deep breath. Come on Katniss you can do this. It’s now or never. She slipped the dress off and picked up the box from underneath the bed. She quickly changed into the lingerie, brushed her hair so that a bit of it was hanging in her eyes, and slipped on a robe. With a deep breath, she opened the door and walked down the hall to the spare bedroom. Peeta was bent over, mixing paints. He was determined to find the perfect color for Katniss’s olive skin. He would not mess this up. He thought about hanging it up in the living room so everyone could admire his beautiful wife.   
He felt a pair of small hands on his shoulders and lips press against his neck. 

“Are you rea--“ he stopped as he turned and saw her in a robe. “Um, did you decide against the dress?”

“Oh I just thought this would be better. Where do you want me?”

“Over there. On the setee. You can sit or lie down, whatever makes you more comfortable.”

“I think I’ll lie down if that’s alright.” He nodded, watching her as she crossed the room and wondering what on earth she had on under the robe. Or was he painting her in the robe? Either way, he didn’t care. 

Katniss closed her eyes as she took another deep breath. She slid the robe down her legs and heard the thud of the paintbrush hitting the floor. She smirked to herself as she bent down to straighten the cushions and she heard Peeta’s sharp intake of breath. She determinedly kept her face straight as she faced him and fought not to laugh at the sight of his eyes bugging out of his head, his slack jaw, and his red face. She crossed her legs and did her best to look sexy, though she felt like she was failing miserably.

Peeta could not disagree more. He shifted in his seat, feeling his khakis had grown much too tight and his throat had gone dry. WHERE had Katniss gotten the lingerie? A realization dawned on him and he shook his head. Johanna. He should have known. Making a mental note to buy the victor anything she wanted, his eyes traveled up and down her frame. Katniss was growing pink with his stares.

“Tell me how you want me, Peeta,” she said in a strained voice.

“Nice and slow,” he whispered and her eyes widened at his confession. He turned even redder and cleared his throat.

“Um, put your hand on your side there, just let it hang loose…yeah, good. And your other hand, bring it close to your face. Uncross your legs a little,” he blanched when she spread her legs and he could see the matching panties with the tiny bows. Peeta imagined his fingers quickly undoing those bows but he shook himself. He shook his head and went over to her, kneeling before her. He reached out a trembling hand and took her ankle, placing it where he wanted it. Once he had her positioned, he gently stroked her face before he hurried back to his seat. 

“Ok,” he took a deep breath, “just try to…um, stay still.” He held up his paintbrush and set to work.   
The orange material looked perfect with her dark hair and her dark skin. Her hooded eyes watched him while he worked and her long fingers played with her own thigh nervously. Every once in awhile, Peeta would look up and stare at her for the longest time, as if he was trying to memorize every curve of her body. She would turn pink and wait for him to lower his eyes again but she found she loved these moments. They told her how much he craved her. How much he needed her. As badly as she needed him. 

When Peeta was finished, he set the paintbrush in a jar of water and studied his work. Ok, so this one was NOT going in the living room. But he glanced up at her and turned the easel around. She gasped, unable to believe the lovely creature on the easel was her. 

“Peeta, it’s…it’s beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful,” he said simply. “I told you, I paint what I see.” She sat up and opened her legs a little and his resolve seemed to snap. He rose and Katniss could see his arousal straining against his pants. He approached her and she stood up on her knees, her hands going to his waist and playing with the zipper. She looked up into his eyes and moved her hands up underneath his shirt; he sucked in a breath as her fingertips stroked his bare skin. She managed to unzip his pants and she ran her palms over his growing arousal. He sucked in a breath when she leaned forward and kissed his stomach, smiling when it flinched underneath her caresses. She looked up and saw him gazing down at her and she quickly unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it down his arms and tossing it aside. Her fingernails raked across his arms and his chest, tracing a path down his stomach and over his boxers. She bit her lip for a moment before tugging him down to her; he crashed to his knees and his hands went to her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in, the material scratching against his bare chest. Her lips went to his neck and she sucked, moving up to lick at his ear.

“Peeta…I want you,” she said huskily. Peeta’s eyes shot open and his hands on her waist tightened.

“Bedroom,” he gasped before grabbing her in his arms and trying to hurry from the room, almost tripping on his pants around his ankles. 

Peeta gently set her down on the bed and hovered over her, her ankles remaining in the air. He leaned between her legs, groaning as their clothed centers met and teased. She reached down and stroked him through his clothes and he gritted his teeth..

“God Katniss.” He kneed her legs further apart and moved to lie on his stomach. She let out a scream as his tongue met her aching core and he slid his tongue up and down several times before rising to his knees and taking the bow between two fingers. He pulled gently and slid the underwear down her legs, pausing to kiss her ankle and calf as he lowered her leg to the bed. She sat up and took his hands, bringing them to rest on her heaving breasts. Peeta cupped them gently for a moment before he moved underneath the babydoll and he tweaked her nipples, making her toss her head back and moan. Almost hesitantly, his fingers went to the edge of the babydoll and he started to lift. He waited to see if she would stop him but she gave him a loving gaze that told him to continue. He tossed the clothing aside and his wide eyes traveled up and down her trembling body. She lay as still as she could, allowing him to look. She had denied him this since they had come together. She didn’t feel beautiful but when he looked at her like this, she knew she was. Because he saw her that way. She leaned up and moved to straddle his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. They both groaned as his cock brushed against her wet center, the friction driving them mad. His hands moved around to her back, following her scars up and down her body and he lowered his head and followed a path of scars up to her shoulder with his tongue. 

“So beautiful,” he muttered as he explored her skin. 

“Peeta,” she gasped, tossing her head back and she swore she felt his cock twitch again. She reached underneath them and tugged at the waistband of his boxers. He reached down and tugged them down his legs, kicking them off and leaning her back. She reached up and gripped his arms and he rested between her legs; she felt his hardened length brushing against her thigh and she bit her lip. He noticed and his arms shook underneath him.

“We don’t have to do this, Katniss. I can wait for as long as you need.”

“I don’t want to wait anymore. I want you. I want my husband.” His eyes lit up at her words and he reached down and slid his thumb along her center. She moaned as he inserted two fingers, pumping them slowly and using his thumb against her nub. She trembled underneath him, gripping his biceps tightly.

“Peeta…please!” He removed his fingers from her and brought them to his lips, sucking them clean and giving her a little smirk. He brought his hand down between them and grasped himself, rubbing against her center and spreading her wetness. He stroked her wet folds with his soft tip and she spread her legs even wider. As he pushed inside her, his arms went to either side of her and he leaned down to kiss her.

“Tell me if I need to stop.” She nodded and he pushed in a little more. She winced and shifted her hips and he froze.

“Keep going Peeta.” He inched in slowly and pulled back out, repeating this several times before he went any deeper. She grew frustrated and shifted her hips again, thrusting upwards. There was a small pinch but nothing majorly painful and she grinded upwards against him. Peeta threw his head back and closed his eyes.

“Fuck Katniss, you feel amazing.” He picked up a steady rhythm and his eyes locked on where he was disappearing inside her. It was incredible to see and he had to fight to keep himself from coming too soon. He wanted to enjoy every second with her and he wanted to watch her come undone underneath him. He pulled out, almost all the way, until he slammed back in and she let out a little yelp. His eyes flew back to her face and he looked anxious.

“Is this still ok?”

“Dear god, Peeta, yes!” He grinned and picked up his speed, pulling out and slamming back in. He lifted her hips a little so that he could slide in deeper and she gripped the sheets underneath her, moaning his name. Droplets of sweat dripped from him onto her breasts and she reached out and gripped his strong thighs.

“Shit Katniss, I’m…I’m about to…” He reached down and pressed a thumb against her clit and she screamed, bucking her hips. He rubbed in little circles and felt her shudder. With a scream of his name, she contracted around him and he cried out as he exploded inside her. He kept himself from collapsing on top of her, instead pulling her onto her side and held her close, still connected. Katniss cherished the feeling of him being inside her. He completed her and she knew she would never get tired of this. He slid from her body and pulled her deeper into his embrace. They were sticky and sweaty and exhausted and Peeta pulled the covers over them both, as he nuzzled into her.

“I love you Katniss Everdeeen Mellark.”

“Just Katniss Mellark,” she said in a sleepy voice and he leaned up to look at her. “Everdeen is the past and I don’t want us focusing on the past anymore. Mellark is my future. You are my future.” His heart too overcome for words, he settled back in beside her and fell right to sleep in his wife’s loving embrace. 

 

Peeta’s eyes fluttered open and he felt the most delicious sensations coursing through his body. He felt long hair tickling his thighs and he glanced down to see his dream girl between his legs. She caught his eyes and grinned.

“Good morning.”

“Good mo--oh shit!” He bucked his hips as she took him full into her mouth, changing from gentle kisses to full-blown blowjob. He gripped the sheets beside him and tried to lean up to watch her. Her stormy eyes met his as she drifted lower and raked her tongue over his balls. 

“Fuck,” he whimpered, reaching down to grip her hair. She felt him start to tremble and she released him. He gave her an indignant look until he saw her throw her legs over his side and straddle him. He gasped and sat up as she sank down onto him and his hands rested on her waist. She pressed her palms against his chest and rose up slightly before sinking back down.

“Oh my god Katniss.” She whimpered as she rose up again and he helped move her up and down. She leaned up and rode him vigorously, her hair thrown behind her back, her breasts bouncing as she moved. Peeta was captivated by the sight. It was probably the most perfect thing he had ever seen. He leaned up and sucked on her breast, tugging her nipple between his teeth. Her hands went to his hair and her nails scratched against his scalp. He felt her shuddering above him and he squeezed her breasts.   
He felt her pulsing around him and he exploded, her body completely milking his. She struggled to get off of him and he easily lifted her up and set her beside him, smoothing her damp hair back and kissing her forehead. 

“Wow,” he said weakly.

“I just had to have you again when I woke up,” she explained. He chuckled.

“I know the feeling. I woke up next to you on the train, hard, every morning and had to run from your room so you wouldn’t know. I was so embarrassed.”

“Why would you be embarrassed?”

“I was there to comfort you, Katniss. I knew I kept the nightmares away. I didn’t want to scare you off.” She nuzzled against him and his hands went to her hair. 

“I never dreamed that I could have this life with you,” he breathed against her. 

“It’s real, Peeta,” she whispered. His fingers entwined with hers and his thumb raked over her ring. He looked into her eyes and smiled.

“I know. Come on, I need to get a shower and deliver those cakes in the fridge.”

“Who are you planning to sell them to?” She asked as she scooted off the bed. He bent down to rub his leg and he winced. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just my leg. I don’t usually sleep with it on and I haven’t taken it off in awhile.” She frowned and her eyes went to where the prosthetic met his skin, and saw it looked a bit red.

“Well then take it off, Peeta.” His eyes jerked to hers and he looked uncomfortable.

“Is that why you haven’t taken it off? Because you’re afraid of what I’ll think?”

“I just don’t…I don’t want you to be, you know, digusted by it or anything.” She closed her eyes in disbelief.

“Peeta. I love every part of you. I let you look at me last night. Do you know how hard that was for me?”

“I do. And I’m so grateful for it. Though I’ll never comprehend how you can think you’re not beautiful.” She then noticed that she was completely naked and exposed to him and she made to cover up but his hands covered hers.

“Don’t hide anymore, Katniss. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” 

“Take off your prosthetic, Peeta. I’ll rub some ointment into it to help with the soreness.” With one last uncertain look at her, he bent over and undid the clasps; the prosthesis came off with a little hiss and he winced as he set it aside. Katniss went to retrieve her ointment from the dresser and gently brought his leg into her lap. Her smoothe fingers massaged the tender skin and his head dropped back a little.

“That feels great.”

“You should let me do this more often. And stop worrying what I’ll think. It’s quite swollen right now. If it gets worse I’ll have to confine you to the bed.” He grinned as his hand rested on her thigh, his fingers dancing over her skin.

“I might enjoy that a bit too much.”

“I didn’t say I’d be in here with you.”

“Ooh, ouch. Maybe I’ll have to tie you to the bed and make you writhe and forget about everything else in the world.” He leaned in to kiss her and his hardening length brushed against her. She gasped.

“You’re insatiable.”

“May I remind you that you were the one who woke me up in the most delicious way this morning? Then proceeded to use me for your own desires.”

“You didn’t put up much of a fight.”

“Why would I? If the most beautiful woman in the world wants to use me in that way, who am I to refuse?” She broke away and studied him. She knew he was teasing but she still felt guilty. She wanted to assure him that she loved him, that she wasn’t just using him. She finished rubbing in the medicine then screwed the lid back on.

“I love you, Peeta.” He cupped her cheek and pressed his forehead to hers.

“I love you too.” 

“And I’m not using you.”

“I know that. But I’m here, ready to carry out any desires you may have,” he teased. She huffed.

“Peeta, I’m not--“

“Katniss it’s a joke. Lighten up.” But his words from his hijacking haunted her mind and she remembered how he had yelled at her for using him. She turned away and lowered her head. Peeta seemed to know exactly what was going through her head and he turned her back, his hands going to her face.

“Don’t Katniss. Don’t think about any of it. Focus on the future, like you said. I know you love me. I do. And I love you. And that’s all that matters now.” She nodded and blinked back tears. His thumb immediately brushed them away as he gave her a loving smile. 

“On second thought,” he said as he leaned in to kiss her. “I can deliver the cakes another time. I think there are more important things to do around the house. Like making sure my wife knows how amazing she is.” She opened her mouth to argue but he slid his tongue past her lips and she was lost. His hands wrapped around her back and pulled her into him and they collapsed to the sheets, carrying each other to heaven and beyond. 

 

They had decided since they couldn’t really leave the district (they didn’t mention it out loud but they both knew Katniss was still confined to District 12) that they would have their honeymoon at home. So they spent the next two days in bed, getting up to bake and shower, only to find themselves back in bed. They explored each other’s bodies completely, finding new ideas of pleasure. They shared secrets, they laughed, they cried, they dreamed. They christened every room of the house, making Peeta beam as he recalled how he would walk to every room, always thinking of her, longing to be with her. 

The sun was high in the sky when Peeta awoke. Glancing beside him, he saw Katniss still asleep, tangled in the sheets. He grinned, remembering their lovemaking session only hours ago and he pushed the blanket back, draping his legs over the bed. Glancing down at himself, he felt sticky and gross and decided it was high time for a shower. Making sure not to wake Katniss, he pulled his prosthetic to him and quickly made for the bathroom. Hanging a towel near the door, he tested the water before getting in. His tub was another good thing from winning the Games. The Capitol had provided him with an extra large bathtub with bars to support him. It had a shower massage and a similar faucet to the Capitol. He turned off the extra scents and perfumes and chose a warm, massaging spray. He lifted his face toward the water, sighing as the water hit his neck. He grabbed the soap and moved the suds all over his body. You would think, after all of the sex he was having he would not get hard easily but all he had to do was think of Katniss joining him and he glanced down to see himself grow. Biting his lip, he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, picturing a wet and naked Katniss beside him. His hand went to his shaft and added his own wetness to the soapy suds. Gripping himself tightly, he leaned into the warm water and stroked himself. The hot water in addition to his hand’s actions were nearly too much. He started to imagine Katniss’s small hands taking a hold of him and stroking him to completion. He gasped when he felt those hands actually move his aside and start to stroke him.

“Oh Katniss,” he sighed, wishing she was actually there. His hands picked up in speed and played with his balls briefly before moving up to swipe a thumb over his weeping tip. He cried out and his knees nearly buckled as he came. It was then that he realized that his own hands were by his side and someone else was in there with him. He blinked, dazed, and stared into her round eyes. She gave him a sly smile before leaning up to kiss him.

“Katniss!” 

“Were you expecting someone else?”

“No! No not at all. I just thought I was daydreaming.” She crossed her arms and looked a bit cross.

“And whose hands were on you?”

“Katniss I used to fantasize about you all the time in here. I’d imagine it was you and wake up to realize I was alone.” He blushed bright red, not believing he had just told her that. But she smiled and her hands went to his waist, as she leaned against the wall and pulled him into her.

“That’s really hot,” she muttered into his mouth. 

“What? Me…taking care of myself?”

“Mmmhm. I’d like to watch you sometime, if you’ll let me.” He gasped as she tugged his lip into her mouth.

“Only if you let me watch you too.” 

“I haven’t…I don’t…”

“Oh that’s right. You always have me to take care of that for you, don’t you,” he said with a wink. He reached down between her legs and started to stroke her. She clutched his shoulders as she leaned against the cold wall.

“Peeta!”

“God I love hearing that. I will never get tired of that sound.” He plunged two fingers inside her and pumped in and out. Her fingernails bit at his arms and he wrapped an arm around her waist, steadying her. 

“Fuck you are so wet. Is this for me, baby?”

“It’s always you,” she panted as he increased his pace. `

“You are fucking dripping for me, sweetheart. I want to fuck you so bad. I want to pound that sweet pussy of yours.” She gasped at his words. She wasn’t normally one for dirty talk but her sweet Peeta talking like this was doing something to her. His eyes flashed and he roughly turned her around so that her face was pressed against the wall. He gripped her thighs and buried his head between her legs, vigorously eating her out. She screamed and reached back to clutch his hair as he continued his assault. He wasted no time in standing up and holding one of her legs up as he slammed into her from behind. Her fingernails scratched against the tile and he pulled almost completely out before thrusting back in. He threw his head back as he took her against the wall, relishing in her cries. 

“Peeta! Peeta, I’m going to c-come!”

“Come for me, Katniss. You are so fucking perfect. Do you like this, Katniss? Do you like me slamming my cock into your tight pussy?”

“Yes! Peeta, please--“

“Fucking scream my name, Katniss. Scream it while you come for me.”

“P-Peeta!” She released with a scream, coming harder than she ever had before, before going limp in his arms. He held her up as he continued his thrusts, exploding only seconds later. Panting, he sat down on the edge of the tub, holding her in his arms. He leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. Her eyes were closed and her chest was heaving. Feeling a range of emotions flood through him, he reached over for the soapy rag and he proceeded to clean her up. She opened her eyes as the rag brushed over her shoulders and she looked up into his eyes, surprised to see guilt and regret. 

“Peeta? What is it?”

“Nothing,” he said dismissively, continuing to wash her. He avoided her eyes while he finished washing his hair, then when she was finished washing hers, he shut the water off and grabbed the towel from the rack. He wrapped her up and reached for his prosthetic, before grabbing another towel for himself. Drying himself off, he wrapped the towel around his waist and went into his room to search for clothes.  
Katniss followed him, bemused. She kept her towel wrapped around her body, having difficulty hiding everything. Peeta was in the closet, digging out an outfit and Katniss cocked her head.

“Talk to me Peeta. What’s going on?”

“I said it was nothing,” he said crossly from the closet. Katniss frowned at his tone. 

“Peeta Mellark, get out here and TALK to me.” His face appeared around the threshold and he frowned.

“What?”

“What do you mean what? What just happened in there? Why did you get all moody all of a sudden?”

“I didn’t.”

“Oh, ok. You’re a lot moodier than you usually get after sex. Did I do something wrong?”

“Katniss, please, just forget it.”

“Was it something I said? Did I--“

“Katniss! I said let it go!” He threw the shirt he was holding into the wall and he stomped from the room. She stared after him, her jaw wide. He had never spoken to her like that. Well, except during those awful weeks in 13. Still, she knew something had happened to him in the shower. And now he was avoiding her. Sighing, she grabbed one of the outfits he had bought her, pulled on her hunting boots, and stomped downstairs. 

Peeta looked up in surprise as she entered the kitchen, his hands freezing over the dough he was kneading. Katniss avoided looking at him, as he was only half dressed with a pair of jeans riding low on his hips and his hair still dripping wet. She crossed the room to where her bow was and she flung it over her shoulder.

“You’re going hunting?” 

“Since you refuse to tell me what’s wrong, I’m going to the woods. I need to clear my head.” 

“Katniss, I--“ but she slammed the door before he could finish. Frustrated, he picked up a ball of dough and flung it against the door, collapsing over the counter and hiding his face in his shaking hands.


	39. Chapter 39

Katniss trudged down the steps, her hands balled into fists. 

“What did lover boy do this time, sweetheart?” She spun around to see Haymitch sitting on his porch, a bottle in his hand. She frowned.

“Nothing. I’m just going to the woods.”

“Uh huh. You look like you’re ready to shoot something. Living together not all it’s cracked up to be?”

“For your information, Haymitch, it’s been wonderful. We’ve been married for three days now.” She held out her hand and he gaped.

“What the hell,” he finally sputtered. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“We’ve been a little preoccupied.”

“You couldn’t stop fucking for one second to tell your mentor that you’re married?! Jesus I’m hurt Katniss.”

“Sorry. We haven’t told anyone! Congratulations, you’re the first to know.”

“That’s something. Ok, so what did he do?” She sighed and he motioned for her to sit.

“I can’t explain it. We were…well, you know--“

“Oh god, maybe you shouldn’t tell me this.”

“And something happened to him. He got really rough and…dark. It was only for a second but it was like his hijacked side came back for a moment. And he wouldn’t talk to me about it afterwards. He just said to drop it.” Haymitch looked considering as he fingered the bottle.

“What did he say…after it happened?”

“Nothing. When I asked him what was wrong, and if I did anything, he snapped at me.” 

“He’s probably remembering Katniss. He did watch the tape you know.” 

“What do you--“ she trailed off, her eyes wide and Haymitch nodded.

“He remembers clearly what he did to you. What they made him do to you. And he’ll never forget that. If he ever slips and becomes anything other than sweet perfect Peeta, he will probably start thinking about when he wasn’t so sweet and perfect. It’ll haunt him for the rest of his life.”

“That’s stupid. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows but he doesn’t have to be perfect all the time. Surely he understands that.” 

“He doesn’t want to slip up, sweetheart. What the Capitol did to him…we all thought he would never be cured. And he basically cured himself. But there are parts of him that will be forever changed. No amount of therapy will change that. He’ll always have that little dark side inside him. It’s just another scar from the Capitol.” Katniss felt a surge of hatred towards the Capitol. 

“And I’m sure he’s scared shitless that he’ll mess up in front of that little one,” he motioned toward her stomach. “You know he can’t wait to be a father. And he’ll be a   
great one. But all it takes is one mistake and things can go to hell pretty quickly. Now that you’ve married him, he has even more to lose.”

“How so,” she asked quietly.

“That boy has been dreaming of marrying you since he was little. I can’t imagine how he felt when he found out you were pregnant. So excited to be a father, so much more in love with you, and so terrified that he would always be the boy you settled for. Someone you wound up with because of the circumstances.”

“That’s not--“

“Think about it, Katniss. Would you have married him if you weren’t pregnant?”

“I love him,” she said firmly. “And I knew I loved him before I found out I was pregnant with his child. It doesn’t matter how it happened. It doesn’t matter when it happened. Yes, I would still be with him if there were no child. I need Peeta to survive. We need each other.” 

“Make sure he knows that. Make sure he understands that. He’s always felt second best to Hawthorne, you know.”

“Gale and I have always been just friends--“

“Don’t give me that, Katniss. You know how Gale felt about you. And Peeta knew it too. The thing is, Peeta thought that you would choose Gale. Except that you were forced to choose Peeta. The whole star-crossed lovers thing really killed the kid. Being in love with someone and realizing that they are with you only because they have to be…it’s worse than unrequited love. That kind of love can kill.” 

“Peeta knows I would do anything for him. It may not have started out that way but it’s certainly how I feel now. 

“Just remind him of it from time to time. And don’t walk out on him. If you fight, talk it out. Take a few moments away from each other to cool down but don’t just get up and run. It’s what you’ve always done. And he can’t take that anymore. Neither of you can. Remember that you can’t be the wreckless mockingjay anymore. You have something pretty important to keep safe.” She covered her stomach with her hands and nodded.

“She’s pretty lucky you know. To have Peeta as a father and Grandpa Haymitch watching out for her.”

“Grandpa Haymitch?! No way. I’m not that old!”

“You’re like a father to us. You always have been. What do you think she’ll call you?”

“Uncle.”

“We’ll see,” she said with a grin. “Would you like to come over for dinner later?”

“As long as you and the boy don’t start going at it at the dinner table, count me in.” She blushed but shook her head.

“We won’t. I’m going to see what I can catch in the woods then. See you tonight.” She took the first two steps and turned back to him.

“And thanks, Haymitch. Your words seem better when they aren’t doused with liquor.” 

“Cheers sweetheart.” 

 

Katniss was so distracted by Haymitch’s words that she completely missed her targets. Deciding she would just use the rest of the meat in the freezer, she headed back home, uncertain as to what she would say to Peeta.   
But he was missing when she came home. She walked from room to room, calling his name and worry coursed through her. She checked the fridge and saw all of the cakes still there. So he wasn’t out delivering them. Where could he have gone? She ran out onto the porch and called for him again.

“Peeta!” It reminded her too much of that fateful night in the Quarter Quell, when she ran back to the tree, screaming his name. Right before she had blown up the arena and she had lost him. Her blood turned cold, she started to shiver as she ran down the steps.

“Peeta, please! Answer me! Peeta!” 

“What’s wrong now, sweetheart,” Haymitch called from his porch, looking concerned.

“Peeta’s gone!”

“What do you mean gone?”

“I mean I came home and he isn’t here! I don’t know where he could have gone, Haymitch but…he’s gone!”

“Calm down. He probably just went into town or something,” he said uneasily, making his way down the steps. “Come on, let’s go get dinner started and we’ll wait for him.” 

But several hours later, the turkey was cold on the counter and Katniss was pacing the kitchen. Haymitch chewed on his nails at the table, wishing for a drink. 

“This is my fault,” she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I drove him away, I did this. He left because of me.”

“He didn’t leave you, sweetheart. Lover boy just has things to figure out. I’m sure he just went for a walk. To clear his head.” But as the hours passed and the night grew late, it was clear to Katniss that he wasn’t coming back. Haymitch convinced her to sit in front of the fire and relax and she soon fell into a fitful sleep, crying out in her nightmares. Haymitch winced every time he heard her scream and finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. He closed the door behind him and settled himself in the rocker on the porch.

 

Peeta took a deep breath as he approached Victor’s Village. He felt like a coward for leaving but he was filled with so much self-loathing that he couldn’t face his wife right now. He hoped she was already asleep, so he wouldn’t have to explain himself. But as he came near his house, he saw his mentor sitting on his front porch, surprisingly sober.  
Haymitch’s face remained impassive as Peeta approached him. 

“So. Lover Boy has finally returned.”

“Don’t call me that,” Peeta snapped. Haymitch raised a brow and Peeta shuffled his feet.

“It’s what the Careers called me when I…when they thought I was on their side.”

“Fine. Idiot. Moron. Dumbass. Take your pick.” Peeta frowned.

“What’s your problem?”

“She’s in there, screaming from her nightmares,” Haymitch said, his voice shaking with rage. “It should be YOUR problem but you decided to run, just like I told you both NOT to do. What the hell is the matter with you, Peeta?”

“Nothing, I…” he shook his head, sinking onto the top step, his head in his hands.

“Something happened today and I thought…I thought she was angry about it. And I hate myself for it. I couldn’t face her. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to hear about it. But damn it, Peeta, you married the girl. You’re her husband now, you have a responsibility to take care of her. And I know you always have but that means staying by her side, through the hard times. Talk things out, don’t run from each other. I told her the same thing this afternoon. She’s been going on all night about how she drove you away and it’s her fault that you’ve left her.”

“She actually thinks I’d leave her?” his eyes were wide and glassy. Haymitch shrugged.

“She’s used to people leaving, kid.”

“I’m the one who’s always stayed by her side, though! And she would think that I’d leave her? When she knows how much I love her?”

“Look, she’s not thinking straight. You know how bad she was until you came back. And I’m sure the baby is messing with her brain even more. You just have to watch what you say and do. I’m not saying walk on eggshells around her but don’t up and leave her. She can’t handle it. She’ll break down, like she did tonight. And Peeta…I’m not sure how much she can handle.” Peeta nodded in understanding, rising to his feet.

“I’ll see you in the morning Haymitch.” Haymitch lumbered off to his own house without another word. Peeta let himself in and went to her trembling form on the couch. She was tossing and turning, nearly falling off the couch and crying out. He knelt beside her and smoothed her hair back out of her eyes.

“Katniss, shhh. You’re ok. You’re safe. We’re safe. You’re just dreaming.” He lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. Exhausted, he didn’t even bother to undress as he fell into the bed beside her and held her close, muffling her cries. 

 

It was a rough night for the both of them. Katniss’s cries became louder and her nightmares became worse. Peeta tried to hold onto her but he wound up getting hit several times and finally had to release her, hovering over her as she rolled over the bed, whimpering. 

“Katniss! Please wake up, sweetheart. It’s just a dream. A bad dream. I’m right here.” When she did not react, he rubbed his eyes tiredly and let out a frustrated cry. 

“Damn it. I’m such an idiot,” he muttered to himself. Wanting more than anything to go sleep in the guest room, he gathered her in his arms and held on tightly. She knocked his chin with her elbow and he winced but did not release her.

“I’m not letting go, Katniss,” he said against her hair. “I’ll never let you go. I did once and I lost you. I’m not making that mistake again.” He lay back down and completely enveloped her in his embrace. After what seemed like hours, she finally started to calm down and she relaxed in his arms. Peeta ignored the stabbing pains in his leg as his eyes started to drift closed.


	40. Chapter 40

Katniss’s eyes shot open as she felt completely constricted and restrained. She struggled against her bindings, only to realize it was arms that held her so tightly. Her husband’s arms. She glanced down at him and saw that he looked exhausted. He was still fully dressed; they both were. He hadn’t taken off his prosthetic and he had dark circles underneath his eyes. She leaned up and pushed out of his arms. He let her go with a small whimper, immediately curling into himself. She felt sick to her stomach and put a hand to her back to steady herself. She sat on the edge of the bed, thinking about trying to make a run for the bathroom. But she heard his whimpers increase and she turned back to look at him.

He was squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head.

“No…please.” She sighed and closed her eyes. Would they ever be free of the nightmares?

“Katniss! It’s me. I’m…I’m right here…I didn’t…I didn’t mean to--“ she frowned down at him as he started to shake and tremble. She reached out and pushed his hair from his eyes but that made him tremble worse.

“You made me…you made me rape her…she’ll never forgive me…I’m a mutt…I’m an evil Capitol mutt…” 

“No you’re not, Peeta,” she whispered gently. “Peeta, wake up. Listen to me. Please wake up.” 

“They…they made me…” his tears hit her hand and she quickly brushed them away.

“Peeta! Wake up now. Wake up. It’s me. It’s Katniss. I’m right here. With you.” 

“They made me rape you,” he said in a pained whisper. His eyes opened and they were clouded and welling with tears. “I raped you. And I hit you. I hurt you, Katniss. I could have killed you.”

“Stop it Peeta,” she said sharply. “Stop it now. It’s over. Push those dark memories away. Please.” He squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head, resting his forehead on   
her arm. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close, one hand soothing his hair back while the other rubbed his back comfortingly. 

“Will they ever go away, Katniss? Will we ever really heal?”

“If we help each other, we can. What do you keep telling me? Stop thinking about the past. It can’t do us any good.”

“You were so upset with me yesterday and I didn’t even tell you…why I shut down.”

“You closed off from me, Peeta. And you ran from me. I was so afraid…so afraid when you didn’t come home.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. Haymitch made me realize what a dumbass I was being. I never thought…I never thought you would actually believe I’d leave you.” 

“It’s what people do in my life, Peeta! Prim, my father, my mom, Finnick, Gale--“

“But me, Katniss? Have I ever left you?”

“You did once,” she said, choking back a sob. “You left my side and were lost to me. For weeks. For months. And then you came back and weren’t really you. And I lost you again and again. I can’t…I can’t take that, Peeta. That’s why I never wanted to admit that I love you!” 

“Katniss, bad things can happen whether you admit something or not. Not telling me you love me…that didn’t do either of us any good. What if, God forbid, something happens to me tomorrow?”

“Don’t,” she said, shaking her head.

“Do you love me less now? Do you love me less, knowing you can lose me at any second?”

“Stop it Peeta!”

“I’m trying to make you realize, you can’t keep hiding your feelings,” he pulled back and gripped her shoulders, shaking gently. “I’m guilty of it too but you have always done it! You have always closed off from everyone. But I know you better than anyone. I have been watching you for years, Katniss. Even when you thought no one was looking. You can’t shut down anymore. We’re a team. It’s been like that since the first Games. Since they announced we could go home together. We haven’t stopped protecting each other since then. And it will be that way for the rest of our lives. If you have a problem with that, please tell me now so we can go to the Justice building and fix it.” Katniss blanched. Her hands gripped his and she turned white.

“No Peeta! Please! Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry, I can’t…I’m not--“

“Katniss, LISTEN to yourself. Listen to me! I said I will never leave you. But if you think you are too independent to share your feelings with someone, if you don’t want to be someone’s wife, please tell me now.”

“I have already told you, I want to be your wife! And why are you giving me this lecture when you were the one who closed off yesterday!”

“You were the one who ran to the woods.”

“Because you shut down! You refused to tell me what was wrong! I can’t stay around you if you don’t let me in!” Peeta hid his face in his hands, shaking his head.

“Damn it. We’re both so messed up. Alright Katniss. I’m sorry I closed off from you. Do you want to know the reason?” She nodded and he chanced a look at her.

“Because I had a flash-back. Not a real flash back but my mind sort of flash-backed while we were…well, you know. And when I got so rough and possessive with you, I remembered my words in the cell in the Capitol. What I said to you. What I did to you. It wasn’t like when I watched the tape, it was like my hijacked brain making me relive it. I saw you underneath me and pleading for me to stop. And I didn’t care. I didn’t believe you were a virgin and I didn’t care that you were in pain. And Katniss…that’s what they did to me. That’s what they wanted me to do. They wanted to use me, to destroy you. They knew I’d do it too! I never thought in a million years they could destroy my love for you and they almost succeeded! I don’t--“

“Stop, Peeta. Just stop. You have to listen to me. Are you listening?” He nodded miserably. “Yes, that happened. Yes it was terrible. But Peeta…you came back to me. You still love me. After all that they did to you, after everything they put you through…you overcame it. You are the strongest, bravest, most loving person I know and you beat the Capitol. These nightmares and memories won’t ever go away but you have to remember who you are now. Who we are. We’re a team, like you said. So let me help you. Let me help remind you.” She pulled his hand down to her belly and held it over her bellybutton and he released a sharp breath.

“Let us remind you. Because we will. We will always be there to tell you how much we love you. How thankful we are that you came back to us. I don’t want her to ever know what all we went through. But she will know about the war and how we played our parts in it. She’ll know about Finnick and her aunt and the bakery that her daddy worked at with his family. We will show her the Memory Book and explain why it is so important. I don’t expect you to be perfect all the time, Peeta, and frankly I imagine it would get exhausting. So don’t think you have to try. You can slip up now and again. You can be rough with me. Lose control. Have some fun. Don’t let your thoughts wander to such a dark place. And don’t close off from me; let me pull you away from that place, should you ever go there again.” With a cry, he pulled her into his arms and held her pressed to his chest. He wept into her shoulder and she held him close. Neither of them moved from that spot for hours. They wept together, disappearing in each other’s loving embrace. 

Peeta pulled away at the sound of Katniss’s growling stomach. 

“Was that you or the baby?”

“Both I think,” she said, biting her lip. “I didn’t…really eat last night.” He was about to yell at her but he merely shook his head instead. 

“Come on. I’ll make dinner.” He pulled her up, and held onto her hand as they made their way down to the kitchen. Last night’s dinner was still sitting out and Katniss dumped it into the trash, despite Peeta’s pleas not to waste perfectly good turkey.

“I can go hunting for more. It’s not worth us getting sick. Oh…oh crap. Speaking of sick.” Her hand clapped over her mouth and Peeta raised a brow.

“Kat-“ but she had already turned and taken off for the bathroom. Peeta closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, before checking the fridge for something to eat.

“Well, there’s still a little turkey left. And we have several cans of veggies. Maybe turkey pot pie,” he muttered to himself. He set to work and his ears perked up at the sound of her violent retching. After a few minutes he had rolled out the crusts and combined the meat and the vegetables and Katniss still had not come back. He pushed the two pies into the oven, then went to check on his wife.  
He gently knocked on the door and leaned in close.

“Katniss? How are you feeling?”

“Go away,” she said miserably. Shaking his head, he pushed the door open just in time to see her disappear over the toilet again. He sat on the bathtub behind her, gathering her hair and holding it in his fist. His eyes softened as he heard her groaning as she was sick again. He couldn’t possibly understand why she was so sick; she hadn’t eaten anything in almost a whole day. His hand rubbed soothing circles on her back and she tried to shrug him off.

“Peeta. I mean it, go away.”

“Haven’t you learned by now? I’m not going anywhere. In sickness and in health, isn’t it? Do you want some water?”

“Why are you so perfect,” she grumbled as he hurried to the sink.

“It’s a gift,” he joked but she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. He handed her the glass and sat back down behind her. 

“I thought we had agreed that I am not all that perfect.” 

“Please just go cook dinner. I don’t want to yell at you but I’m ready to throw something.” He handed her a box of soap and closed the door behind him, grinning when he heard it hit the wall. 

When she finally resurfaced she looked tons better. She had brushed her hair, brushed her teeth, and washed her face. He smiled at her from the oven as he took out the pies. She sniffed the air and smacked her lips.

“That smells wonderful.”

“You hunt, I cook. Sort of. Here, have a seat. Feeling better?”

“Yes, loads. I thought the morning sickness was supposed to leave in the second trimester though.”

“Unfortunately I don’t know a lot about that. I just know that you’re amazing to deal with that. Just makes me love you even more.” 

“As long as you keep me supplied with pastries and baked goods, I’ll deal with the more unpleasant aspects of the pregnancy.” 

“Sounds like a deal to me. I made a tart for dessert.” And they fell silent, enjoying their food and time together. After dinner and dessert, they headed back upstairs and quickly changed for bed. Katniss rubbed ointment into Peeta’s sore leg, and Peeta rubbed medicine over Katniss’s scars, and they lost themselves in each other before curling up and falling asleep.

 

The next day Peeta received a phone call from Dr. Aurelius to tell them that their supplies for the Memory Book had been shipped and should be at District 12 by now. Peeta quietly told him that they had married several nights ago and the doctor congratulated him.

“How is married life treating you thus far?”

“I’ve already screwed up. But we’re taking it one day at a time and we’ve agreed to talk everything out. The more we communicate, the better we are.”

“Yes I agree with that. Neither of you can close off. Especially with the baby so close. Have you thought of a name yet?” 

“She doesn’t seeem to like any of the ones I suggest. And I don’t think it should be a name from our past. I almost suggested Rue but thought better of it.”

“I think you are right, that it should be a new name. Don’t worry Peeta, you still have time. You’ll find one together. Tell Katniss I will be calling her tomorrow for her appointment.” He said goodbye to the doctor and hung up, going into the bedroom to find Katniss leaning against the headboard of the bed, taking pictures of her stomach. Peeta grinned and leaned against the threshold. 

“You need to get beautiful mommy in that picture too,” he said softly. She held out the camera and he took it with a grin. She tried to play with her hair and pose herself but became frustrated and slumped on the bed. Laughing. Peeta knelt beside the bed and took several pictures of her. Then he leaned in and held the camera out so that he was getting all of them in the picture. He set the camera down on the table and wrapped his arms around her, resting his cheek against her baby bump. He leaned down to kiss her stomach and Katniss grabbed the camera, snapping the picture as his lips met her dress. He grinned up at her.

“That one is going on the wall,” she said with a smirk.

“Do you want to come into town with me? Aurelius says we can pick up the supplies for the Memory Book today. And I want to buy a thank you present for Johanna.”

“For what?”

“What do you mean for what? For that awesome present she sent you. Us.”

“Peeta!” Her face went bright red. “No way! If you do that, she’ll know we used it!” He chuckled and nuzzled her hair with his chin.

“Sweetheart, you’re still so--“

“Don’t say it,” she growled. He laughed and kissed her head before going to the closet to get dressed. 

“I’m going to call Cressida about an interview. But I’m not telling Aurelius yet.” He peered around the edge of the closet, shirt in hand, and looked at her curiously.

“Oh?”

“He won’t be pleased. He won’t think it’s a good idea, giving an interview in the “state I’m in.” But I made a promise and I intend to keep it. And I’m getting bigger by the day. It’s about time we make it known.”

“If we do this…are you telling her that we are married too?” 

“Of course. Because we are. And the whole of Panem thought we already were anyway.” 

“But 13 knew it was a lie, didn’t they?”

“Well I didn’t tell them. I don’t know, Peeta, so much was happening during the War, I wasn’t too worried about what the country was thinking about us or not.”

“Are you sure you want to do this? You know we are going to get tons of people askings us for interviews. We’ll be in the spotlight again, the star-crossed lovers and their miracle child.” 

“I hate the idea,” she said sadly. “And I won’t let them exploit her. But Cressida took care of me during the war. She kept my secret when she could have told Snow. I owe her.”

“Katniss you know I’ll support you in whatever you decide,” he said gently, coming to sit beside her and taking her hands. “But I think you should really think about this. What it will mean for our lives. Are we ready for the cameras and the press again? Because that’s what we will have. If we show that we are well enough to have a baby, the world will want to see more of us. You know what Haymitch said. About us never getting off this train.” 

“That was when the Games existed. Snow can’t hurt us anymore. The Capitol can’t hurt us. If we want to refuse an interview, no one will die for it. And I trust Cressida to make sure people know that we want to be left alone. We deserve some peace and happiness, after everything. And yes, her first question will be are we happily married and I will answer yes.” He grinned and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“I’ll be right beside you, if that’s what you want.” 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She leaned forward and kissed him, her tongue passing his lips and exploring his mouth. He moaned as her hands wrapped around him and played with the thick strands of his hair, tugging gently. He pressed his bare chest to her covered breasts and pulled her forward. Her kisses hardened, as her desire fueled her on and he groaned.

“Katniss,” he said between kisses. “We. Shouldn’t. We. Need. To. Go.” 

“Tell me you don’t want me, Peeta,” she said, tearing her lips away and reattaching them to his neck. He groaned as he tilted his head, closing his eyes. She knew he’d never deny her anything. After so many of years of wanting her, how could he say no? How could he possibly lie to her and tell her he didn’t want her? So he shook his head and yanked her sleep shirt over her head, his lips closing around her aching breast. She gasped and her hands went to his curls, holding him in place while he lavished her flesh with his mouth and hands. He kneed her legs apart and his fingers were soon glistening with her arousal. He nudged her to get up and when she did, he gently turned her around, leaning down to kiss her back down her spine. She shivered as his lips made contact with her skin and he quickly pulled her underwear down her legs, tossing them aside. Leaning down to kiss her between her legs, he shoved his own clothes down his hips and they joined hers on the floor. Gripping her thigh, he slid into her and she threw her head back with a moan. Feeling the penetration so much deeper at this angle, they were both moaning each other’s names within seconds. Katniss felt like a bow strung much too tightly and a mere touch from her husband could have her coming undone. He used his prosthetic to support himself (glad that he had woken early and put it back on) as he leaned down to wrap his arms around her. One hand gripped her breast, his thumb working over her nipple while the other went down between her legs and rubbed in frantic circles. She gripped the sheets with both hands, her face screwed up in the utmost ecstacy.

“Oh fuck Katniss, those noises you make. So damn sexy. I wish I could see you. I wish I could watch you right now and see your face. I can imagine how perfect it is.” She screamed his name and buried her face in the sheets. He gripped both thighs as he picked up his pace, racing toward his peak. 

“Stay with me, Katniss. I love when you come when I’m inside you. Are you close, sweetheart?”

“So close, Peeta,” she moaned into the bed.

“Touch yourself, Katniss. I want to see it. Touch yourself like I was touching you.” Her hand tentatively went between her legs and she gasped when her fingers brushed against her clit. His eyes glazed over as he watched her hand move faster, wishing he could just watch her finish herself. But his thrusts grew more erratic as their breathing grew heavier.

“Peeta!”

“Oh, god Katniss, YES!” He emptied inside her, leaning forward to rest his forehead on her sweaty back. He smiled and gave her a gentle kiss before pulling out and standing up.

“And now we need another shower.” 

“Don’t sound so disappointed. Lie to me and tell me you didn’t want it as badly as I did.” He cupped her chin and kissed her nose, shaking his head and smiling.

“You know I can’t lie to you. Or deny you anything. But you should stay here while I shower real quick. Else we will never leave this house.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she said grumpily, getting up to find clean clothes. Chuckling to himself, he hurried into the bathroom and shut the door before Katniss followed him inside…or he dragged her in with him.


	41. Chapter 41

Once in the shower, he determinedly kept his thoughts focused and washed himself off quickly before he could take liberties with his fantasies. He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door, nearly slipping on the cold floor. He made straight for the closet and slammed right into a wet and naked Katniss, whose towel went flying to the floor. He stared at her, his eyes wide.

“Katniss! What are you doing?”

“I just showered in the guest bathroom. Hand me my towel,” she held out her hand and Peeta reached for it, losing his in the process. His ears turned red and Katniss giggled. He jerked his back, covering his lap and he tossed the other one to her. 

“Cover yourself up before I completely take advantage of you and force you to stay in this bedroom all day.”

“Can it be force if I’m willing?” He snorted and turned away, shaking his head. What had gotten into her lately? Not that he was complaining but she was getting more and more insatiable when it came to him and their times to come together. And of course he couldn’t get enough of her, always happy to meet her desires. He peeked into the closet and saw her standing, completely nude, one of her hands over her belly as she searched her clothes for something to wear. His mouth watered, already desiring her again, after just a few short minutes. He glanced down and groaned, rolling his eyes at his own lack of control. She turned at the sound and her eyes were drawn to what was pointing at her.

“Having some problems there?”

“Just one problem that will never go away when you’re near.” 

“That sounds like you want me to go somewhere,” she said a bit softly. He gave her a hard glare.

“I’ll deal with this…problem…a thousand times before I let you go anywhere.”

“Well why don’t you let me deal with it instead,” she said slyly as she sank to her knees. Before he could say anything, she was wrapping her lips around his head and his hands slammed against the closet walls. He fought to keep his eyes open as he stared down at her, biting his lip so hard it almost drew blood. His eyes nearly popped out of his head as he watched one of her hands drift down her body and start to rub at her own breast. She moaned, and the vibrations sent Peeta into a frenzy. She used her other hand to grasp him tightly, licking and sucking as she went. Her hand moved down her body and between her legs, finding that spot again and she moaned again. Peeta’s eyes were bulging.

“Fuck Katniss!” She looked up at him, over dark eyelashes and she grinned as she took him deeper into her throat. Her hand between her legs started to move faster and Peeta lost it completely. Katniss took everything and released him with a wet pop. He knelt down in front of her, and gestured for her to continue. Her hand moved back, shyly this time, and she bit her lip.

“Would you like to watch?”

“Please,” he said softly. She nodded and repositioned herself so that he could have a perfect view of what she was doing. If she had been thinking, she would have been mortified about how she was spread wide open for him to see, her own fingers wet and glistening. She brought her hand up and held it to Peeta’s lips, allowing him to suck. Her eyes darkened as he accepted her offering, then she lowered her hand again. Biting her lip, her fingers made frenzied little circles and she tried to close her legs but Peeta put a hand on her thigh and she opened them again.

“What are you thinking about, Katniss,” he whispered.

“You, Peeta,” she gasped. “Your mouth and your hands and your cock, just filling me up! Oh shit you feel so good!” He moaned as she jerked her hips and fell back to the floor, her dark hair spread around her head. He moved to straddle her and kissed her lips.

“That was the sexiest thing I have EVER seen. Thank you.” She kissed him back and he pulled her to her feet.

“Let me just finish getting ready up here and I’ll meet you at the door.” With a quick kiss, she shut herself into the bathroom and he heard the water running again. Grinning, he turned to pick out his own clothes and went downstairs to wait for her.

 

Peeta tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for Katniss. Finally she appeared on the stairs, looking stunning in another of the dresses he had bought her. He grinned as he held a hand, helping her down the steps.

“Should I buy you more of those dresses? You take my breath away every time I see them on you.”

“It’s funny, I’ve always disliked dresses. But I guess getting bigger, I don’t really mind. So yeah, maybe we should go shopping a bit after the interview.”

“Interview?”

“Cressida is taking a hovercraft here. She was in District 11 doing some field research and she sounded really excited to get my call. I’m sure it will be all over the news tonight.”

“I’m sure,” he said uneasily. They grasped hands and walked to town together, going a bit slow as Katniss had started to waddle a bit. Peeta couldn’t help but giggle a little and she frowned.

“Stop laughing at me.”

“You’re adorable though.”

“I don’t want to be adorable. I want this baby out already.”

“Sorry sweetheart. You still have a couple of months.”

“Well you take her then! I’ve carried her for six months already. You can do the rest.” Peeta chuckled and pulled her in close.

“I would if I could, you know. But I think I’m too weak to carry a baby. I think only women can do it because you’re so impossibly strong. You’re the perfect mother already.” She was about to roll her eyes and comment on his mushiness but his lips stopped her and she resumed her waddling by his side. As they entered town, people waved and some looked surprised. Some started to whisper, others pointed. Katniss gripped Peeta’s hand and tried to pick up her pace.

“Where are we meeting her?”

“The Justice Building,” she muttered, her eyes darting around. He put a protective arm around her and lead her inside, nodding to the guard who stood outside the doors.   
Cressida ran to Katniss and embraced her tightly, giving her a warm smile. Pollux was right behind her and shook Peeta’s hand before hugging Katniss.

“Oh Katniss, you look so wonderful! You both do! Hello Peeta, how are you dear?”

“We’re great, Cressida. You’re looking well. Pollux, how are you doing?” Pollux smiled and nodded. Cressida’s wide eyes traveled over Katniss’s large frame and she let out a little gasp.

“Oh Katniss…I’m so…I’m so happy for you both.”

“Thank you. A promise is a promise. I said I would let you have the first story. But I want you to please make sure that everyone knows that we appreciate our privacy and…well…um…”

“That we’re not doing this to come back to the spotlight,” Peeta stepped in. “We’re doing this to show Panem that we’re alive and healing. That we are coping with the aftermath of the war, as the rest of the country is. We appreciate people’s support but we want to maintain our private lives in District 12 with the child we’re so blessed to have.” Katniss beamed up at him. After all this time and after all that had happened, he still had the golden tongue and could say anything. Cressida lowered her head.

“Panem owes its freedom to you both. And I promise, after this interview, we will add on to the story that would like to be given the privacy that you were denied during the Games. But I’m just…lost for words. I mean, we all thought--“

“I know. I thought that too. I found out she was still with me when I was being held during my trial.”

“You two must be so happy. And Peeta! I can’t imagine how you felt, returning from the Capitol and seeing that belly.”

“I can’t describe it, Cressida. But it was one of the most amazing feelings I have ever felt.”  
Pollux set up the equipment and Peeta found some chairs for them. Cressida straightened her skirt and moved her short blonde hair aside. Katniss thought it was strange to see the woman with hair, having always seen her bald. 

“So we have quite a treat for you all tonight. Look who I have here with me tonight,” she smiled as the camera moved to Katniss and Peeta, who waved and smiled.

“The Star-Crossed lovers of District 12 have some news they would like to share with us. Katniss, first off, how are you doing?”

“We’re still healing, Cressida. I think all of Panem will be forever healing from the aftermath of the Hunger Games and the War. But we are taking it one day at a time and slowly rebuilding our lives.”

“Rebuilding your lives together, right? It appears that Peeta has returned to you from the Capitol!”

“Yes,” she nodded, reaching for his hand. “It was especially hard to cope without him and now that he’s returned to 12, we are doing much better. We’re doing it together.”

“That’s so wonderful to hear, Katniss. Peeta, how did you feel when you returned to 12 and saw your wife for the first time?” 

“Well I will be completely honest with you, Cressida. The wife and baby announcement was a desperate ploy to stop the Quarter Quell from happening. We weren’t married and pregnant. I apologize for deceiving you all.”

“I think we can certainly understand why you did it, Peeta,” Cressida said gently. “But then, what’s this?” She lifted Katniss’s hand and the camera zoomed in on the rings.

“Well, in answer to your question, I felt all kinds of things. I was overjoyed to see that she was alive, devastated to see that she was not doing so well, confused because of how the Capitol messed with my mind when it came to her, angry that the Capitol tried to destroy my love for her. It was a flood of emotions all at once.”

“I can certainly imagine! And Katniss, what about you? What was your reaction to seeing him again?”

“I didn’t think it was real,” she said, gripping his hand. “I had long since given up hope that he would return to me. I couldn’t believe that he was standing outside my house. All of the love I felt for him came flooding back and nearly knocked me down with the force of it. I didn’t heal right away but he has been helping me everyday.”

“We’re helping each other,” Peeta said, nodding.

“And so was this,” she gestured to the rings, “simply a promise for later?”

“It’s a promise for forever,” Peeta said delicately. “Katniss promised to take my name and I promised to love her for the rest of our lives. We held a private toasting several nights ago.”

“Oh my goodness,” Cressida positively squealed, turning to the camera. “I love happy endings, don’t you all?” Katniss put on an awkward smile and Peeta squeezed her   
hand again.

“And it seems that the Mellark family is growing, is that right?”

“That’s correct. We found out we were pregnant when we were in District 13, before we went to the Capitol. During combat, we thought we had lost the baby,” Peeta’s voice broke and he bit his lip. Katniss took both of hands and brought them to her lips. 

“But look at you, Katniss! It’s a miracle.”

“It is,” Katniss agreed. “I found out before I got back to 12 and was shocked. But we just had a doctor’s appointment and everything is normal and fine.”

“And can we know what the newest Mellark will be?”

“I’m excited to say that we are having a daughter,” Peeta said, grinning broadly. Cressida squealed again. “And I hope more than anything that she will look just like Katniss.”

“A baby mockingjay,” Cressida gushed. “I can’t tell you how excited I am for you two. When is she due?”

“Around the end of the summer.”

“Well I know Panem joins me in wishing you three all of the best. Katniss, does your family know? Your mother or your…cousin?” Katniss’s throat tightened and Peeta tensed beside her. She hadn’t even thought to call her mother. And Gale…she hadn’t spoken to him since that day. She shook her head.

“No, it’s been very private. We prefer it that way.”

“Of course. After being the center of attention for so long, you both deserve a bit of peace.”

“Thank you.” 

“So Peeta, how do you feel now? You know you are the only one to really recover from hijacking. You’ve cured yourself. You married the girl you fell in love with when you were five. And you’re about to be a father. Thoughts or feelings?”

“Too many to list, Cressida,” he said with a patient smile. “I never dreamed this life could be possible. But I’m living it and thanking the heavens for every second. It hasn’t been perfect. What the Capitol did to me…what it did to us…those scars don’t go away. But as Katniss said, we help each other through the difficult days.” 

“Peeta and Katniss Mellark, thank you so much for giving me a moment of your time. We wish you three the very best and hope you will invite me back when Baby Mellark shows up.”

“You’re always welcome back, Cressida,” Katniss said with a smile. Cressida reached over and shook their hands and Pollux turned the camera off. Cressida rose and hugged them again.

“Thank you for this, Katniss. I know it was somewhat difficult.”

“No, I made you a deal. You probably saved both the baby and me during the War. So thank you.”

“We should be going but it was so wonderful to see you both again. I can’t wait to come back and see your little miracle.” They shook hands and hugged one more time before Cressida and Pollux hurried from the building. Peeta touched Katniss’s shoulder.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, actually. That was easier than I thought it would be.”

“It’s because Cressida doesn’t ask such personal questions like Ceasar does. She knows some boundaries.” She chuckled.

“I expected it to be a lot more difficult though, talking about our lives and the baby. Maybe it’s because I’m genuinely happy and don’t mind this news getting out. I’m glad you told the truth. It just clears the air with everyone.” He nodded.

“No point in lying anymore. We’re not trying to save our own skins at this point. And they can clearly see that you really are pregnant this time.” 

“Still, I’m sure some of our supporters will be disappointed that we lied.”

“Who cares,” he said, shrugging. “They know what we went through. Well, they know a part of what we went through. I’m not sorry for what I said before the Quarter Quell. I thought it was one last chance at trying to save your life, I would do it.” She leaned up and kissed him and squeezed his hand.

“I’m glad you were there with me. I think the country can see that the star-crossed lovers are doing well.” He smiled and brushed her hair back.

“Come on, let’s pick up those supplies and go shop a little.”

“I have never seen a man excited about shopping.”

“We get to start shopping for the baby! What we should do is start thinking of a theme for the nursery.”

“Do we have a nursery?”

“We’ll turn one of the spare rooms by ours into a nursery! There’s so much to buy!” 

Katniss couldn’t help but giggle as she watched her husband become like a kid in a candy store. Refusing to go to the Capitol, they shopped around town and found an actual baby store, completely rebuilt. Some people stared as they watched the couple enter the store but Katniss and Peeta ignored them. 

Katniss had to admit she had fun but Peeta obviously had more fun. Katniss said absolutely nothing pink so Peeta had to run around and find ‘princess things’ in a different color. When they had finished, Peeta had ordered a crib, a bassinet, several packages of bottles and pacifiers, almost a cart full of toys, diapers, a bouncy chair, a high chair, safety gates, outlet covers, several books, and he and Katniss had so much fun picking out baby clothes. Katniss surprised herself, never having the desire to have children, now becoming giddy with anticipation to meet her daughter. He held up the most adorable outfits, a goofy grin on his face and she giggled and nodded. Most of it would be delivered to his house in the next several days so they collected the rest of the bags and thanked the cashiers again. 

“You went a little overboard,” Katniss said with a laugh.

“There’s no such thing when it comes to our baby!” 

“It’s a good thing you’re a Victor. Normal people couldn’t afford all of this.” 

“I never wanted those winnings. So let me spoil my wife and daughter with them.” He gave her a quick kiss on the head as he took another bag from her. 

“Ok let’s stop at the station and head back home. Is that too much for you to carry?”

“I’m fine, Peeta.”

“I just don’t want you to--“

“I know. But I’m fine. Really.” Sighing, he adjusted the bags on his arms and made for the station. 

“Afternoon Mr. Mellark,” the delivery man called.

“Afternoon. We should have a shipment from the Capitol.”

“Yes sir. There’s one for Miss Katniss Everdeen right here.” Peeta glanced at Katniss.

“We should have stopped in and changed your name.”

“Tomorrow,” she said through a yawn. Peeta smiled and accepted the box, holding it on his shoulder and nodding his thanks. With all of their baby supplies, the couple started home.


	42. Chapter 42

Katniss was more than exhausted when they walked through the door. They deposited the bags and boxes in the living room and she collapsed on the couch. He grinned as he knelt in front of her, his hnds resting on her knees.

“How about some lunch?”

“All I really want at the moment are cheesebuns and sleep.”

“That’s not a very balanced meal,” he laughed. “I’ll whip something up real quick. You stay here and relax.” She stretched her legs out in front of her and her hands went to her protruding belly.

“I don’t understand why I’m getting so big,” she called to him while he worked in the kitchen. “Those books say I’m not supposed to be this huge until the seventh month,   
at least.”

“Every woman is different Katniss,” he said patiently from the other room. “You heard Doctor Verrity. Our baby is completely healthy. Stop worrying.” 

“She’s just going to be so big! What if I can’t…push her out?” Peeta chuckled at her words but when he peered in to look at her, he saw her head lowered and tears streaming down her cheeks. 

‘Hey,” he said softly, kneeling in front of her and cupping her chin. “Our baby will be perfect. Nothing’s going to happen to her.”

“How do you know,” she sniffled. “What if I can’t do it?” 

“Katniss. How many times do I have to tell you, you are the strongest and most courageous woman I know? You can do anything.” 

“How can you have so much faith in me?” she finally looked into his eyes. “When I was so terrible to you, for so long. When I let everything happen to you. When I let so many people die. How can you love me this much….your mind was completely twisted. They completely ripped your heart out, tainted it, and put it back in and made you hate me. Fear me. And yet, here you are, loving me. I don’t deserve you, Peeta. You have come so far and I still feel like that selfish girl hiding in the closets in 13. What if I mess this up, before she even gets here?” 

“Oh Katniss,” Peeta breathed, pulling her into his arms and squeezing her tightly. Her arms were trapped by her sides but she managed to pull them out and wrap them around his neck. He breathed in her hair, inhaling her scent and he felt her heart pounding underneath him.

“Katniss…I can’t put into words how happy you have made me. It makes me fight off the venom even more and makes me even more determined to turn our lives around and show you how amazing you are. YOU made me want to fight. YOU made me want to come back. It was your love that saved me. You’ve come so far, too and you don’t even realize it. I saw you laughing today…your smile lit up the whole store! You giggled, Katniss. I’d never heard you giggle like that before. We actually had fun and tossed our cares out the window. You need to live life, baby. Your sister would want that for you. I promise you, she’s looking down on you and smiling right now, to see how happy you are. Nothing that happened was your fault, Katniss. And I know you will always feel that guilt but you have to try to push it aside and believe that it was the Capitol’s fault, not yours. None of it was your fault. You already have so much on your shoulders. Why carry that extra weight when it’s not your burden to bear?”

“It’s not yours either,” she choked out. “And you still carry it. You still have nightmares, you still fight off those flashbacks. None of it should have happened to you!”

“Why does anything happen to anyone, Katniss? We can go on for days about how life isn’t fair but what’s the point in that? I’d personally prefer to spend my days with the miracles that I have been blessed with. I’m alive and healthy and more importantly, the young woman whom I have loved and thought of every day is alive and healthy. And she loves me. She loves me so much that we are going to raise a child together. You’re my reason for getting up in the morning, Katniss. If I’ve had a nightmare or I hear Snow in my mind saying that I’ll never be worth anything, I just look down and see you sleeping in my arms and know that this is my life. And I’ll be damned if I let anyone take it from me again.” With a sob, she threw herself in his arms and held on for dear life. He held onto her, allowing her to cry. 

“Everything will be alright now, Katniss. We have each other. No one can hurt us now.” He kissed her forehead and attempted to push back her tangles from her face. 

“Smells like your cheesebuns are done. Be right back.” With another gentle kiss, he disentangled himself from her arms and hurriedly took the cheesebuns from the oven. He frowned when he saw they were a little burned but shrugged and fixed a plate of fruit and cold turkey meat with the buns. As he started for the living room, the phone by the wall started to ring and he started. 

“Katniss, it’s probably Aurelius,” he called, setting the plates down and going to answer it.

“May I speak to Miss Katniss Everdeen, please?” 

“Mrs. Katniss Mellark is indisposed at the moment. This is Peeta Mellark, may I ask who is calling?”

“Oh, Peeta, this is Doctor Verrity. I’m so sorry, I hadn’t realized…”

“It’s quite alright. The toasting was a few nights ago and was very private. We haven’t even had a chance to get her named changed yet.”

“Well I’m very happy for the pair of you. I have her test results in front of me and there is something I need to speak to her about as soon as possible. Is there a more convenient time for me to call?”

“Oh, hang on one second,” he held the phone by his ear and called to his wife. She waddled into the room and her brow furrowed.

“Doctor Verrity wants to talk to you,” he mouthed, moving and handing her the phone.

“Hello Doctor. I’m doing fine, thank you. Yes, we were just in town today, it was nice. Oh…ok. Today? Yes, alright. OK, I’ll be there. Goodbye.” She bit her lip as she hung up the phone and Peeta watched her warily.

“Everything alright?”

“I’m not sure. She said something about the ultrasound being inconclusive and she wants me to come back in to have another one.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know,” she looked up at him nervously. “I’m scared, Peeta.”

“Don’t be. Let’s not worry until we know what’s going on. Let’s eat lunch and then I’ll come with you.” They scarfed down the food quickly. He ran to get her shoes and helped her in them, putting his arm around her to steady her as she walked. She blinked in exhaustion and Peeta felt terrible that she had to make this trip again.

They stopped on the porch and he had an idea. 

“Wait here.” He ran down the stairs and out of sight and Katniss watched him go, bewildered.

“How’s it going sweetheart?” She turned to see Haymitch sitting on the porch, a bottle in his hand and a gaggle of geese around his feet.

“What the hell, Haymitch?”

“Gives me something to do,” he said with a shrug.

“Ok, your geese are hungry!”

“Nah, I just fed them. They just like me too much.” She snorted.

“I’m sure that’s it.”

“Where did your husband run off to so quickly?”

“Wish I knew. He told me to wait here. We have to go back into town to have some more tests run on the baby.” Haymitch’s face instantly changed to concern.

“Everything alright?”

“I don’t know. She wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone.” They heard the heavy clomping of a horse’s hooves and they both turned. Peeta was coming around the corner in what was usually a wagon but right now it was a little bench being pulled by a single horse.

“Your chariot, my lady,” he said with a grin as he jumped down.

“Come again?”

“I asked Thom if I could borrow his cart to take you to town. He was more than happy to lend it to me.”

“You ran all the way to town?”

“Actually I ran into him on the road and he told me to go ahead and take it. Asked me to give you his best. Here,” he helped her up onto the seat next to him and he flicked the reins. Katniss waved to Haymitch as they turned around the corner and headed into town. 

“Maybe we should think about getting one of these for us. So you don’t have to waddle into town and kill your feet every day.”

“It might be a good idea,” she sighed. “I used to be able to make several trips into town from the Seam and never get tired.”

“Katniss you’re carrying a baby! You’re bound to be exhausted.”

“I know,” she said, closing her eyes and resting her head on his shoulder. He draped an arm around her and held the reigns with one hand. 

When they arrived in town, Peeta helped her down and asked the boy out front to care for the horse. The young boy, his face streaked with dirt and his clothes ragged, eagerly agreed and took the reins from Peeta. Peeta cast the boy a sad look before helping Katniss up the steps. Despite the fact that Snow was gone and Panem was doing better, there was still poverty and despair everywhere. And it pained Peeta to see that his own district was still one of the poorest. Granted they were doing much better now that the Capitol wasn’t controlling them and taking everything but it would be awhile before they built up their wealth. 

“Peeta?” He spun around, jerked from his thoughts.

“Sorry.” He held the door open for her and followed her inside.

Doctor Verrity came out to welcome them, shaking their hands, and lead them to the back room. She asked them to sit and she sat across from them.

“Thank you for coming back in, Katniss. I know you must have dozens of questions and unfortunately, I can’t answer them yet. I want to conduct a transvaginal ultrasound today. Hopefully that will clear up the confusion.”

“Confusion of what? What do you think is wrong?”

“We have suspicions that there might be…twins.” Katniss gripped the chair tightly and Peeta’s jaw dropped.

“How is that possible? And why wouldn’t we have seen it on the ultrasound?”

“It is possible that the second baby is smaller and hiding behind your daughter. And if it is, certain safety measures need to be taken. But we want to be sure. This ultrasound will be able to tell us more. We’re also going to get some blood work. So go ahead and undress from the waist down for me, Katniss, and I’ll be right back.” When the door closed, Katniss didn’t move.

“Twins?”

“She’s only speculating, sweetheart. We don’t know for sure. Do you want some help?” He helped her out of the dress and handed her the paper gown to put on. He folded her dress and held it in his lap, helping her up onto the table. 

“Peeta, I know this will be uncomfortable for you but…please stay with me?”

“Always, sweetheart. I’ll be right here.” She squeezed his hand and leaned back. Doctor Verrity and her nurse entered the room and smiled at Katniss.

“Alright Katniss, blood work first. Nurse Cantor will get that started for us.” The nurse lifted Katniss’s left arm and stopped at the sight of the scarred skin, where the tracker had been cut out. Katniss, too, froze and started to tremble. Understanding, Peeta put a hand on her shoulder and cleared his throat.

“The right arm, if you don’t mind?” Cantor nodded and hurriedly fetched the needles. Peeta cupped Katniss’s chin and made her look at him.

“Look into my eyes, Katniss. It’s just us. You’re ok, I promise, I won’t let anything happen to you.” She tensed as the needle pierced her skin and she squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the flash of occurrences that night. Johanna had dug the tracker out with her knife and covered most of her face in her own blood. She had whispered to stay down and had taken off into the jungle, leaving Katniss to die. No. Leading the other tributes away from Katniss so she could escape. And that’s how Johanna had been captured. Taken and tortured, just like Peeta. Because of Katniss. Because of what she had done when she had gotten back to the tree and had decided to blow up the arena. She had been taken by the rebels when it should have been Peeta who was rescued. Instead, the Capitol had taken both him and Johanna and tortured them for information. About her. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she lowered her head.

“I’m so sorry Peeta,” she whispered. Peeta cast the nurse a worried glance, before leaning in and caressing Katniss’s cheek.

“Shh, it’s almost over, she’s almost finished. You’re doing so great, baby, you’re so brave. I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.” The nurse withdrew the needle and set the vials of blood on the tray, before wrapping up her arm with gauze. 

“It’s done, Katniss. You did great.” She rubbed her arm and sniffled. Peeta grabbed some tissues from the counter and handed them to her, as he rubbed his hands up and down her back comfortingly.

“Ok Katniss, just lie back for me and Peeta, you can stand by her head. Now Katniss, you’ll feel a bit of pressure but it shouldn’t hurt. If it does, tell me and I will stop. Ok?” Katniss nodded, squeezing Peeta’s hand. He squeezed back, kissing her forehead. Doctor Verrity moved down between Katniss’s legs and held up the probe. Katniss winced at the pressure but she focused on Peeta’s hand rubbing her own. 

“Ok, here we go,” Doctor Verrity said to herself more than anyone else. “And there’s the little girl. Just need to move it a little and…ah ha.” Peeta looked up at the screen and his eyes widened. There was clearly another being there but something was wrong. 

“Is it…ok?”

“He’s a breech baby,” Doctor Verrity said softly. Katniss tried to sit up and see the screen.

“He?”

“Mmhm. Looks like you have a son in there too.” She looked up into Peeta’s eyes and saw he was crying. A son. A little boy that would look just like her Peeta. Doctor Verrity withdrew the probe and set it down, turning the screen for Katniss to see better.

“Here’s your little girl. You can see your son just behind her, but he’s turned the wrong way. This is called a breech. It can make the birth of twins difficult if he doesn’t turn the right way.”

“Can anything be done?”

“Normally with a breech birth, we turn the baby ourselves. With twins, this isn’t possible. We can hope that he turns himself before the birth but if he doesn’t, we may have to consider a C-section.” 

“Isn’t that where…you cut me open?” Peeta felt her squeeze his hand and could swear her heart was about to fly out of its chest.

“It’s really not like that. An incision will be made in your abdomen and we will deliver the babies that way, rather than vaginally. Sometimes C-sections are better for twins anyway. But we will keep an eye on this little one to see if he does turn. He still has some time.”

“Is there anything we can do to help him,” Peeta asked softly.

“There are some exercises Katniss can do. She will need your help, Peeta, since she is going to feel off-balance. I’ll send some pamplets home with you. And I want you to call me if there are any changes or you feel anything abnormal, ok Katniss?” Katniss nodded and Doctor Verrity left her to change. Peeta helped her dress again and held her hand in his.

“Can you believe it? Twins.”

“I’m not sure if I’m ready for this, Peeta.” He glanced at her and saw how pale she had gotten and he leaned forward to kiss her.

“We’ll just be a bigger family, that’s all. I love you so much, Katniss.”

“I love you too.” 

Doctor Verrity sent them home with pamplets and their video and waved them off. Peeta helped her up into the seat, gave the young boy several large coins that made his eyes pop out of his head, and flicked the reins to head home. 

 

Katniss had fallen asleep before they even arrived in Victor’s Village. Very carefully, Peeta lifted her into his arms, trying not to grunt from her pregnant weight, and carried her inside. He took her right up to their room and lay her on the bed. Gently slipping her shoes off, he gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead before he pulled the covers over her and left the room. 

When Katniss awoke, it was the wee hours of the morning and she felt his steady breath on the back of her neck as he was pressed against her back, his arm draped over her waist. She felt a wave of nausea pass over her and with a gasp, she stumbled into the bathroom just in time to be sick in the toilet. Peeta’s eyes shot open at the sound of her retching and he threw the covers off, and yanked his prosthetic on, hurrying in after her. He didn’t say anything and nor did she. He sat on the edge of the tub and held her hair back for her. He rubbed circles on her back and leaned in close, kissing the top of her head. She moaned and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand as she leaned back against his legs. When she was finished, he fetched a wet rag for her and she quickly brushed her teeth before following him back to bed. She was quite hot tonight and was thankful that he had opened the window. He slid back underneath the covers and held his arm out, waiting. She slipped her shirt and pants off and reached back to unclasp her bra. Peeta stared at her as she climbed into bed with him, his mouth going dry.

“We may have a problem when we wake up in the morning.” She smiled as she wrapped his arm around her.

“We can deal with it then. It’s too hot for clothes.” 

“Katniss, you’re going to kill me one day,” he groaned in her ear, already falling back to sleep. She kissed his hand and settled against him as she found sleep too.


	43. Chapter 43

“Alright, where do we start?” Katniss looked up at Peeta and saw him biting his lip.

“We don’t have to start with anyone in 12. Why not start with the Games?”

“This is supposed to help us remember the good things, not the bad. We will eventually have to write about those people.”

“I know. But not today. Let’s start with the tributes. Can you remember all the names?” Peeta listed the names of the tributes and victors from their Games and Katniss scribbled them on the paper. They worked on the Memory Book for several hours, until Katniss had fallen asleep and Peeta carried her to bed.

They continued with this routine for several weeks. The Memory Book was coming along. Both of them had broken down on different occasions. Peeta had created a beautiful illustration of Rue and Katniss had fallen apart in his arms. And another night while he wrote down some of his father’s receipes, he started to shake uncontrollably and Katniss held him until he stopped trembling. He sobbed how much he missed his family, even his mother. Katniss closed her eyes and felt guilty for always thinking the worst of the woman. They even invited Haymitch to be a part of it. After constant refusal and pleading, he finally agreed and the first person he added to the book was Katniss’s mother’s friend, Maysilee Donnor. Katniss knew from her mother than Maysilee was Madge’s aunt and the original owner of the mockingjay pin. Haymitch even teared up as he talked about his fellow tribute being skewered in the neck by long-beaked birds and how he had held her hand until she died. Haymitch had jumped up from the couch, grabbed his bottle of liquor, and stomped from the room. They didn’t see him for two days, until he came by to add more tributes. 

In addition to the Memory Book, Peeta baked and had started to go around and sell his baked goods to the people in town. Thom said people were excited to have Mellark baked goods again and told Peeta he should definitely think about reopening the bakery. That was the night that Peeta had spent, rocking in Katniss’s arms. While Peeta baked, Katniss wished she could still hunt but she was getting bigger by the day. One morning, Katniss decided to try some of the exercises. Peeta patiently read the pamphlet out loud and she followed the instructions.

“Ok, hands flat on the ground and now lower your head to your hands.” He watched her as she moved her legs up to the higher stairs and lowered her head more. He was immediately at her side, supporting her as she was almost flipped upside down.

“Good, baby. Very good. Stay like that for just a minute. You are doing so great.”

Despite Katniss’s irritation with the pregnancy, she couldn’t find Peeta irritating. As perfect as he was, she loved him even more for going through this with her. She wanted to yell and scream and hit him but he endured her mood swings, her crying, her complaining, and her strange cravings at three in the morning and he endured it all with a loving smile. And she couldn’t stop the tears whenever Peeta would lean down and speak to his children. He would kiss her belly and talk softly to them, telling them secrets that only daddy and they would know. 

Katniss received a surprised telephone from her mother from District 4, after Cressida’s story came out. She was hurt that Katniss had not told her about the toasting but she said she understood why and they both had broken down in tears by the end of the call. Katniss knew she would not see her mother again. She would not be able to leave 12 and her mother would never come back. When she hung up, she promised to call her soon. Peeta had been by her side the whole time, and squeezed her hand lovingly. Right after the interview had aired on every channel in Panem, Katniss and Peeta had gone into town to the Justice Building and walked out with an official marriage license and certificate. Katniss Everdeen was now officially Katniss Mellark. 

“Hey Katniss. Can you come with me for a minute?” She looked up from her book and blinked sleepily. Setting her book aside, she struggled to get up and he leaned down to help her. Grasping her hand, he lead her upstairs to one of the spare rooms. He pushed the door open and allowed her to walk inside first.  
She felt her breath leave her completely. She was standing in the woods. At least, that was how it felt. Peeta had painted the green of the forest and the most beautiful sunset imaginable. By the walls, two cribs were set up, both painted with leaves and vines. The room was set up with shelves of books and toys and primroses were painted along the borders. Katniss turned to Peeta, her jaw wide and tears in her eyes.

“What do you think,” he asked carefully.

“It’s absolutely perfect. When did you do all of this?”

“Been working on it for several weeks. I wanted it to be a surprise. So you like it?”

“I love it. And they will too.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss her, his hands going to her shoulders and moving down her back. 

“I love you,” he whispered against her lips.

“I love you too.” They felt the babes kick between them, as if reminding their parents they were still there, and he smiled.

“Don’t get jealous,” he said, his hand going to her belly. “I love you little ones too. Mommy loves your nursery. I hope you guys like it too.” 

“We really need to come up with names,” Katniss said earnestly. “Baby Mellark is only going to work for one.” 

“I’m trying. It’s freaking me out that I don’t like any of the girl names I find.” 

“Peeta, we still have time. No freaking out on me.” 

“Ok. As long as we have a name by the time you give birth, I’ll be ok.” 

“Haymich said we should call our son Abarnathy.” Peeta chuckled.

“And what did you tell him?”

“A few choice words I won’t repeat in our baby’s room.” Laughing, he pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

“God I love those words.”

“Which ones?”

“Our baby.” 

“Babies,” she corrected. “Twins. A little girl with my eyes and a little boy with your hair.”

“I am so happy, Katniss. You have no idea.”

“Oh I think I do,” she said quietly, leaning in to kiss him again. 

 

Peeta kept track of the days on the calendar on the closet door. As his wife slept by his side, he glanced over and saw red circles in just a few short weeks. They were fast approaching the birth of their children and he knew Katniss was still terrified. Doctor Verrity was concerned that the boy was still breech but she discussed the birthing options and they decided that a C-section would be the safest thing for everyone. He finally set his book down and reached over to turn off the light, sliding down next to her and pulling her into his arms. His hands rested on her stomach and he sighed against his neck. Their nightmares were fewer these days and Peeta had not had a flashback since he had returned. If he ever felt something coming on, he would grip something tightly and wait for it to pass. Katniss had learned to recognize the signs and she had taken to wrapping her arms around his waist while they both waited it out. Peeta took a moment to enjoy being so near her with so little clothes on. He definitely missed the feeling of being with her. But he was very understanding and patient about the pregnancy and would never push her for intimacy.   
Katniss’s eyes opened and she turned into him. He leaned back a little to give her a smile.

“You were supposed to wake me up when you got home.”

“You looked too peaceful. And I know you haven’t been sleeping.”

“Ok, so tell me what happened.” Peeta had gone into town that afternoon to talk to the mayor about rebuilding the bakery. Enough towns people had been telling him how wonderful a bakery would be but it was Katniss in the end who convinced him, telling him he should carry on his father’s legacy. So Peeta hesitantly agreed and had gone   
to visit the site of the demolished bakery. 

“It was ok. I wish you had been there with me,” he said softly. She rubbed his arm and kissed his hand.

“I’m sorry. Sae just needed help with--“

“It’s ok, I understand. I just meant…it was kind of hard. But Thom and I went to talk to the mayor and he said he had been keeping the land for me. Apparently Dad…well, he left it to me.” 

“Peeta, that’s wonderful.”

“They’re going to begin reconstruction right away. I want it in the same spot and I’m hoping to have it open by the fall.”

“Peeta, is that such a good idea? Two babies at home may provide a few distrations.”

“My family will always come first,” he assured her. “If the bakery isn’t done and you need me at home, you know what I will choose. But Thom says he can get enough men working on it that we can get it finished by the end of the summer. Of course I have to put in orders from the Capitol for new ovens and supplies and the like, but I’m really excited about it. And I owe it to you.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“You’ve been the most amazingly supportive wife a man could ask for,” he said, kissing her nose. “I couldn’t ask for a more perfect life.” 

“I’m not sure how much help I can be but I’ll try to help you in any way I can. So are you overseeing construction?”

“Thom at least wants me there in the beginning to oversee it. I’m sure I don’t have to be there everyday.” Katniss bit her lip. She was so used to Peeta being home all day, she didn’t know how she would like him being gone now. But she knew how important the bakery was to him so she put on a smile and nuzzled in closer.

“I’m so proud of you, Peeta Mellark.”

“And I love you Katnis Mellark.” 

 

It was the third week of reconstruction and it was coning along very quickly. Peeta was looking over the plans with Thom when Sae’s eldest daughter Cora came running up the path.

“Peeta!” Peeta whirled around and frowned at Cora’s red face.

“Cora, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Katniss,” she panted. Peeta’s heart stopped.

“What? What’s wrong? Where is she?”

“She’s in labor. Haymitch took her to the hospital but they asked me to come get you.” Peeta glanced at Thom and Thom waved his hand.

“Get out of here, boy! Go meet your children.” With a grin, Peeta jumped into the wagon and flicked the reins, urging the horses on.   
He quickly handed off the reins to the attendant and ran inside the hospital, looking around.

“May I help you, sir?”

“Peeta Mellark,” he gasped out. “Katniss Mellark was brought in here already.”

“Yes sir. Down the hall to your left.” Peeta took off running down the hall and stopped when he saw Haymitch with his head in his hands.

“Haymitch.” His mentor looked up at him and lowered his hands.

“Hey kid. Have a seat.”

“Where-where is she?”

“She was taken back but no one is allowed back there. There’s…there may be complications.” Peeta nearly collapsed in the seat.

“What kind of complications?” 

“I’m not sure, Peeta. I’ve been waiting for the doctor.” 

“I should be in there with her. I promised her I’d be with her.”

“I’m sure she’d understand, kid.” Peeta’s throat tightened as he waited with Haymitch. He didn’t want her to go through this alone. And he didn’t want his son and daughter   
being born without him in there. The moment the door opened, he jumped to his feet. 

“Oh Mr. Mellark, you’re here. Come on back.” Sighing with relief, he followed the doctor into the room and accepted the scrubs the nurse handed him. He went straight to Katniss’s side and grasped her hand.

“Hey sweetheart.”

“Peeta. I was so afraid you wouldn’t make it.”

“You know I would’t miss it for the world. You know I wouldn’t leave you to do this alone.” She winced and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Peeta…I’m scared.”

“I know. But I’m right here. I’ll be right here.” 

“We need to prep her for surgery,” he heard the nurse saying. “Where is that epidural?” 

“It’s coming now.” 

“It’s almost time, Katniss,” Peeta said softly, squeezing her hand. “I love you so much, baby.”

“I love you too.” 

“Alright Katniss, we need to--“ the nurse stopped as Katniss let out a scream of pain. The doctor rushed forward and started to press on her stomach, which made her scream even more. He glanced in between her legs and his lips pursed together. 

“No time,” he said hurriedly. “We have to deliver now.” 

“What?” Peeta said, turning pale. Katniss was whimpering in pain, clutching her belly. 

“We don’t have time for surgery. Something has gone wrong and we have to get them both out now.” Peeta moved further up by Katniss’s head to get out of the way and he watched the doctor with panic in his eyes.

“Alright Katniss, stay with me. When I say when, you’re going to start pushing. Are you ready?” The doctor’s eyes widened when he saw the blood between her legs.

“Mr. Mellark, I have to ask you to wait outside in the waiting room.”

“What? No, absolutely not! I’m staying in here with my wife.”

“Mr. Mellark. I must insist.”

“You can insist on all you want, I’m not leaving her!” The doctor was about to protest when the nurses started to bustle around and the doctor left him alone.

“Alright Katniss, here we go.” 

Even though Peeta remained by her side, he barely knew what was happening. It was as if the room had slowed down and had gone very hazy. He focused on holding her hand and rubbing it comfortingly, every now and again leaning down to whisper loving words in her ear.   
The sound of a baby crying woke him up. His eyes snapped to the little bundle in the nurse’s arms and he found that he couldn’t breathe. But the doctor was still between Katniss’s legs and was yelling at the nurses. Katniss was exhausted and looked beaten, defeated. She closed her eyes and whimpered and Peeta swept down to kiss her, brushing her hair out of her face. The doctor was pressing on Katniss’s abdomen, expelling the rest of the fluid. There was no baby cry this time and the doctor looked solemn. Peeta thought he may be suffocating.   
The machine that Katniss was hooked up to started a low beep and his eyes snapped to it.

“What does that mean?” the doctor did not answer him but shouted for the nurses to help him. Katniss had gone very still and her eyes were closed. Her hand was limp in his grasp.

“Katniss? Katniss!” 

“Mr. Mellark! I must insist that you step outside. I promise, I will do everything I can to save your wife.”

“But--“

“Please,” the doctor said firmly but gently. Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to see a bundle of pink blankets being held out toward him.

“Would you like to hold your daughter?” With shaking hands, he took the tiny being into his arms and she was baptized in his tears. The nurse lead him out into the hallway and Haymitch jumped to his feet.

“Is she-?” but he stopped at the sight of the bundle in Peeta’s arms. He let out a low whistle. 

“Peeta. She’s beautiful.”

“She is,” he said weakly. The babe was fast asleep in her father’s arms and he cradled her gently.

“Is everything alright?” Peeta looked into Haymitch’s face, his lip trembling.

“I don’t know. They didn’t say anything when the second one was born and then they told me to leave. Haymitch, I can’t lose her. I can’t.”

“You won’t. She’s strong, remember? She’s a survivor.” Peeta nodded but he couldn’t stop the tears. He sat and held onto his daughter for what seemed like hours. 

Finally, the door opened and the doctor came back out. His front was covered in blood and Peeta felt sick.

“Mr. Mellark, your wife is fine. There was a lot of blood-loss and she is very weak but she will be ok. And your daughter is perfectly healthy, as you can see.” Peeta sighed with relief but then caught it mid-breath.

“And the boy?”

“I’m very sorry, Mr. Mellark. The baby was stillborn. He wasn’t breathing when he came out of the womb. I’m afraid there was nothing we could do.” Peeta choked back a sob and felt Haymitch patting his shoulder gingerly. 

“Your wife is resting now but you may see her if you like.” Peeta nodded and followed him back inside. Katniss was propped against the bed, her eyes closed. Peeta hated to see how pale she was. The nurse brought him a chair and he sat by her side. Her eyes fluttered open and she glanced over him with an exhausted gaze.

“Katniss you are the most incredible woman who ever lived,” he said quietly. 

“The babies?”

“Do you want to hold our daughter?” Katniss held out her arms and shook while Peeta lowered the babe. Katniss gasped as she stared down at the sleeping infant, too lost for words. Peeta sat on the edge of the bed, gently stroking the baby’s head. Katniss looked up into Peeta’s eyes, her own glistening with tears.

“Our son didn’t make it, did he?”

“I’m so sorry, Katniss,” he said, stroking her hair. She blinked back tears.

“I told you I would be too weak to do this.”

“Stop. It wasn’t your fault. And this little angel here is perfect. You did amazing, Katniss. It’s not your fault.”

“Where is he? What did they do with him?”

“I- I don’t know. They told me to leave after…and I was so afraid…you looked like you had stopped breathing.”

“I killed our son.”

“Katniss, please,” Peeta pleaded, leaning down and stroking their daughter’s head. “Look at our daughter. What we created. We can try again, sweetheart, we can try for more later. Maybe…maybe it was just the heavens’ way of knowing that we weren’t ready for two babies yet.” 

“He died inside of me, Peeta,” she started to sob. “I killed him! I killed him!” Peeta watched his wife become hysterical and he bit his lip anxiously, determined to keep from crying. He had to stay strong, for her and for their daughter. The nurse came hurrying over and gave Peeta a nervous look.

“I’m going to give you something to relax, Mrs. Mellark.” 

“Where’s my son…where is he…” Peeta took the baby girl from Katniss’s arms as the nurse quickly stuck her with a needle and her eyes drifted closed. Peeta sighed, and lowered his head.

“She’s just very overwhelmed right now,” the nurse said comfortingly. “She just needs to rest with uninterrupted dreams. She will be fine. The doctor wants her to stay here for a few days.” Peeta nodded and the nurse left them alone. Cradling his daughter, Peeta went back out to the waiting area where Haymitch was pacing.

“Here baby girl, do you want to meet your Uncle Haymitch?” 

“Uncle. I like that better than Grandpa,” Haymitch said gruffly, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. Peeta slid the sleeping infant into his arms and Haymitch gazed down at her, looking amazed.

“She’s perfect, Peeta,” he looked up at the boy who had been through so much and he looked serious. “I’m proud of you, Peeta. Truly, you’ve surprised me. Both you and sweetheart. You’ve both been to hell and back and yet here you are, strong and fighting. I have never been prouder to say I was someone’s mentor.” Peeta’s face broke into a grin.

“Thanks Haymitch. For everything.” Haymitch held the baby out to Peeta and he took her, cradling her in his arms. As if she knew who held her, she turned her head toward him and her eyes opened. Peeta gasped at the crystal blue orbs staring up at him, taking him in. He sucked in a breath as he gazed into his daughter’s eyes--his eyes-- that irrevocably confirmed his relation and love to the child. She blinked her eyes up at him and he stifled a sob.

“Hi baby girl. I’m your daddy. It’s nice to finally meet you. You are more beautiful and more perfect than I could ever imagine.” He lifted a hand to stroke her pudgy cheek and she grasped his finger with her tiny hand. 

“I will never let anything happen to you, little angel. You will be the most loved little girl in Panem. In the world. You’re a daughter of Victors, the child of the Mockingjay, and baby…you’re my little girl. You’re my daughter and I love you so much.” He bent down to nuzzle his daughter and she let out a tiny giggle. Haymitch laughed.

“Well she has Katniss’s hair but she definitely has your smile.” 

“Look at her eyes, Haymitch,” he said softly, almost a whisper. “It’s…it’s unreal.” 

“If you ever feel that guilt or regret again, look into her eyes and know that it was meant to be. This was your destiny. Both of those girls are your destiny and your future.” He didn’t look away from her little face as he nodded.

“I couldn’t agree more.”


	44. Chapter 44

Peeta did not want to let his daughter out of his sight but the nurse had to take her back to feed her. So he sat beside Katniss’s bed, holding her hand and brushing her hair back. He lowered his head and fell asleep by her side.

He didn’t like that his wife was sleeping for so long but the nurses checked her vitals and assured him she was fine. They brought him his daughter and he smiled down at her as she grinned up at him. 

“Have you thought of a name yet? We can’t keep calling her Baby Mellark.”

“I won’t decide on a name without Katniss,” he said, shrugging. To him, it didn’t matter. He already loved her more than he had ever loved another being. His love for his wife was magnified tenfold and his love for his daughter was already deeper than he could have ever imagined. 

When Katniss opened her eyes, she heard playful sounds at her side. She glanced over and saw Peeta playing with their daughter, his eyes getting really big and making funny faces at her. The baby cooed and laughed, reaching up to touch her father’s face. Katniss stifled a sob at the sight. Peeta turned and caught her gaze.

“Hey, you’re awake.” 

“Yeah. No nightmares, so you must have been here all night.”

“You know I’ll never leave your side.” He leaned down to kiss her and she smiled.

“I know.” He lowered the babe to her arms and moved the pillow so he could sit behind her. Katniss leaned back in his lap while she held their baby. Peeta stared down at his miracles and sighed. Katniss stroked the baby’s cheek with her fingertip and the baby started to suck on her finger. 

“Is she hungry?” she asked him. 

“They took her to feed her earlier but I’m really not sure how much she ate.” The nurse spotted Katniss and Peeta and hurried over.

“Oh good, you’re awake. How do you feel, Mrs. Mellark?”

“Ok. Still a little weak but…ok.”

“That’s to be expected. We have been feeding the little one formula but you should be able to feed her now.” The nurse showed her how to hold the baby, then helped her bring the baby’s mouth to her breast. Katniss let out a little cry as the baby latched on, immediately sucking and a tiny hand came up to press against her aerola as she fed. The nurse smiled and left, promising to be back and Katniss glanced up at Peeta. He was watching his daughter feed with fascination and love shining in his bright eyes. 

“You’re staring.” He tore his eyes away and focused them on hers. 

“I can’t help it. I’m transfixed. I’m under a spell.” 

“According to you, I cast that spell on you when you were five years old.” He grinned.

“You did. I’ve been under your spell ever since.” She took his hand and kissed it and it was then that she noticed scars. Not burn scars, like everywhere else, but teeth parks. She swallowed and looked up at him. 

“Peeta…not that I’m complaining but…why did you save me?” He glanced at his hand and knew exactly what she was talking about. 

“Even with the venom in my mind, Katniss, I could never let you go. I couldn’t live without you. I told you once, if you died and I lived, I’d have nothing. I wasn’t lying. That day, when I saw you…I felt like the world was closing in. I’ve faced death too many times before. But seeing you nearly…I would have died, Katniss. Plain and simple.” She swallowed again and lowered her eyes to her baby. When she looked back up at him, she had tears in her eyes.

“Thank you. For everything.”

“Thank you, Katniss,” he said, kissing her softly. “Thank you for loving me.” He wrapped his arms around her and they watched their daughter eat until her mouth kept moving but her eyes were closed. Katniss smiled and adjusted her hospital gown while Peeta held the baby. 

“Here, Haymitch brought you some clothes.” He held the baby in one arm while he helped Katniss into the dress Haymitch had brought. 

“When can I go home?”

“They said you’re still pretty weak and they just want to keep you for observation for another night.” She huffed and leaned against the pillow and with a smile, he kissed her forehead.

“Hey, Baby Mellark here really needs a name.” 

“Oh gosh I know. I can’t believe we didn’t pick one before she was born.”

“Well, let’s pick one now. What do you think?”

“I-I still don’t know. I never liked anything enough.”

“Do you want…do you want to call her Prim?” Katniss shook her head, her eyes closed.

“She needs a new name. Not one from our past.” He nodded in understanding and shifted the baby to his other arm. He stared at her for a moment before he rose to his feet.

“Here, you hold her for a minute. I’ll be right back.” Katniss frowned as he hurried from the room, then came back a few minutes later, pushing a wheelchair.

“Come on. We’re going outside.” 

“Huh?”

“You need to get out of this room. We both do.” He helped her up and into the chair and kissed her cheek before pushing her out of the room.  
The nursing staff smiled and waved as he pushed her through the halls. When they walked outside, Katniss closed her eyes at the warmth from the sun. Peeta pushed her underneath a large willow tree, where there was a blanket and a few plates of food all set.

“What is all this?”

“Some friends on the staff helped. Here, let me help you.” He held her hand as she lowered herself to the blanket, holding her baby in her arms. He moved behind her, stretching his legs out and allowing her to lean back against his chest. His arms wrapped around her and he rested his chin on her shoulder, as they both stared down at their miracle. The baby woke up and started to cry, surprising them both for a moment. Peeta had not heard her cry once and he decided he didn’t like it. Katniss stroked the baby’s head and leaned in close. 

 

Deep in the meadow, under the willow, a bed of grass, a soft green pillow   
 lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes and when again they open, the sun will rise. 

 

Peeta closed his eyes as his wife’s sweet voice took him away. Remembering the first time he ever heard her sing, how he decided right then and there that he wanted to be by her side for the rest of their lives, to hear her sing to him every night. His arms around her tightened their hold.

 

Here it's safe, here it's warm hear the daisies guard you from every harm   
here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  hear is the place where i love you.   
Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  a clock of leaves, a moonbeam ray forget your woes and let your troubles lay    
and when again it's morning, they'll wash away.   
Here it's safe, here it’s warm,  hear the daises guard you from every harm    
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow bring them true    
here is the place where i love you.”

 

Their daughter stopped crying and blinked up at them. Katniss leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.

“It’s like looking into your eyes. So blue.”

“I’m hoping they fade and become grey like yours.”

“No,” she shook her head. “No, I love that she has your eyes. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. Every time you would fix those huge blue eyes on me, all I could see was love and devotion and promises.” He kissed her cheek and gently rocked them back and forth.

“I love that song. They made me watch that video…of you singing to Rue and I couldn’t for the life of me think badly of you. Your voice just…captured me. Kept me safe from their poison. Could you…could you sing it again?” She did as he asked and he kissed her softly on the lips.

“This is the perfect place. Sitting under the willow with my wife and my daughter. Here is the place where I love you both.” His eyes lit up and he glanced down at their baby, who was grinning up at him. He smiled and cocked his head.

“Willow.”

“What?”

“Willow. Her name is Willow. Look at her.” Katniss looked down and saw their baby cooing and reaching up toward the willow vines that were blowing around them. She smiled.

“Willow Mellark. What do you think baby girl? Is that your name?” The baby let out a coo and a giggle as a response and her parents laughed.

“I think that’s your answer.”

“I guess it is. Ok Willow. It’s nice to officially meet you. I’m your mommy. I’m scarred and damaged and sort of messed up in the head but I love you and I will always protect you. You and Daddy are my life. My treasures, my miracles. I’d be lost without you both.” She lifted Willow into the air and the baby let out another giggle. Katniss smiled and brought her closer, to kiss her tiny nose. Willow lifted her small hands and touched her mother’s face. Peeta felt his heart bursting with love. He leaned back against the tree and pulled her back with him, as Willow rested on both their chests and the small family fell asleep underneath the willow tree. 

 

The family stayed two more days in the hospital until the doctor announced both Katniss and baby Willow were stable enough to leave. Peeta happily drove his family home and they all collapsed on the bed, their daughter between them. 

Katniss wore a black dress and her hair was in its usual plait. She looked solemn and still and her husband reached for her hand. They edged closer to the meadow and Katniss froze. Peeta glanced sideways at her, shifting the little wooden box he held under his arm.

“Do you want to go back? I can do this alone.”

“No, I…I should be here too.” He nodded and kissed her hand before he picked up a shovel and dug a tiny grave. Katniss watched, tears streaming down her cheeks, as the body of her son joined her friends and neighbors in the meadow. She stood straight and tall, but inside she was breaking. Peeta finished covering the small coffin and placed the primroses on top of the fresh dirt. He went back to his wife and wrapped his arm around her.

“She’ll look after him.” She turned and sobbed into his jacket and he held her tightly. The sounds of her raw cries echoed through the empty meadow. 

“We can try again, Katniss,” he was saying later. “We can try for more later. We still have Willow. We didn’t lose everything.” 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to handle this again, Peeta,” she said, wiping away her tears. “If I had lost Willow too…you’d be burying me under that meadow as well.” He took her hands and pulled her in front of him, giving her a hard stare.

“Please don’t ever say anything like that again. You’re strong, Katniss. Probably the strongest person I know. You’ve conquered more than most people in the world ever encounter. You just keep beating those obstacles. We will get through this sweetheart. If you don’t want any more, that’s fine. You and Willow are enough for me. I never even dreamed of having a family with you and whenever I look at that beautiful baby, I’m reminded that you actually love me. That it wasn’t all just a dream.” She lowered her forehead to his shoulder and sighed.

“Take me home, Peeta.” 

When they returned home, Katniss went straight to Haymitch and held out her arms for her daughter. Haymitch handed Willow over and Katniss went straight into the house and sat in the rocker, rocking Willow in her arms. Haymitch glanced at Peeta.

“Is she ok?”

“It was hard. She broke down and I…yeah, I almost broke down too. But at least we still have Willow…at least we still have one. Not that it makes it any easier but we have a miracle and I told her we can have more later on. I don’t think she wants to though.”

“Give her time. I’m sure your family will grow over the years. Where did you bury him?”

“The meadow. It seemed…the best place.” Haymitch grunted and nodded.

“Haymitch.” Peeta froze, biting his lip and seemed hesitant to continue. 

“Kid?”

“Are…are my family in there too?” Haymitch looked surprised and uneasy. Peeta saw his expression and he shrugged.

“I know it doesn’t make a difference but I just wondered…were they ever found and given a proper burial? Or are they…still in the bakery?”

“I honestly don’t know, Peeta. I’m sorry. But I’m sure Thom can answer that for you.”

“I’m not sure if I want to know.” Haymitch nodded and clapped him on the shoulder before turning away and going back to his own house. Sighing, Peeta let himself in his house and stopped, expecting to see Katniss in the living room. She wasn’t in the kitchen either and he glanced up at the ceiling before slowly climbing the stairs.  
Katniss and Willow were both asleep on the bed when Peeta entered the bedroom. Willow was curled up on her mother’s stomach, her tiny fists clenched under her chin. Peeta was transfixed by the sight. Without looking away, he reached for his sketchpad and charcoal and sat down in the chair beside the bed. He smiled as he drew his family, the two people who meant the world to him. He lifted the charcoal from the paper and he winced as a pain struck his head. He dropped the charcoal in surprise, and images started to invade his mind. Katniss rose from the bed and she looked over at Peeta. He let out a cry as her eyes reddened and flashed in anger. She looked down at the sleeping baby and her hands wrapped around the tiny throat. The babe had no time to even cry before her short life was taken from her. Katniss flung the lifeless corpse toward Peeta and laughed cruelly. With a terror-stricken yell, Peeta dove at the mutt, determined to end her life. 

“You bitch, you evil devil-mutt! I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you with my bare hands!” Mutt-Katniss continued to laugh and Peeta was blinded by rage. 

“Peeta?” he heard her voice, so soft and vulnerable and it made him freeze. He blinked and saw that he was hovering over the bed, an exhausted Katniss blinking sleepily up at him. Willow was still sleeping on her chest. 

“Peeta, what’s wrong?” Peeta gasped in horror, his eyes going to his hands, which were inches from Katniss’s throat. With a cry, he threw himself off the bed and ran from the room. He locked himself in the bathroom and collapsed against the door, hiding his face in his hands. He hadn’t had a flashback like that since the Capitol. And he had come close…so close to hurting her. He could have killed her. He could have killed their daughter. How could he possibly stay with her when he could end her life like that? How could he stay in the house with them when he was obviously the monster? Opening the door, he took off down the stairs, ignoring Katniss’s cries for him to come back. He flung the door open and ran out into the rain. 

He blinked the water out of his eyes and looked around. Where could he go? The bakery wasn’t finished. Haymitch would yell at him. And he didn’t want any of the townspeople to know what had happened.  
So where could he go? 

Turning, he took off down the road, ignoring his breaking heart.

Katniss made sure Willow was comfortable in the crib before grabbing her coat and taking off out the open door. She ignored the pelting rain and looked around.

“Peeta!” She cried his name, her eyes searching the village. Where had he gone? What on earth had happened? When she had awoken, his breathing was heavy, his eyes dark and dialated, and his hands were stretched out toward her. With a painful gasp, she crashed to her knees in the mud. He had had a flashback. The trauma of burying their son had been too much for him and he had succumbed to a flashback. He had almost choked her again. And when he realized it, he ran. 

“Peeta,” she sobbed. 

“Katniss! What the hell, girl?” She blinked and saw Haymitch standing on his porch, waving his hands.

“Get out of the rain! What are you doing?” When she didn’t move, he made his way down the steps and bent to drag her to her feet. He half-carried her to his porch and he sat across from her.

“What the hell has happened to you?”

“Peeta had a flashback,” she said in a hollow voice. “I think he almost choked me again. He wanted to kill me. And now he’s gone.”

“Gone? He just…left?”

“He ran. I called after him and he ran away.” Haymitch groaned and shook his head. Damn that kid. He knew Peeta’s intentions were good; he didn’t want to hurt Katniss and so he’d leave but he still didn’t realize that leaving was the worst thing he could ever do. 

“Where is Willow?”

“Upstairs in the crib. Haymitch I have to find him.”

“No, you need to go back and dry off. And then take care of that baby of yours. You have a little life that depends on you now Katniss.” 

“I have two lives that depend on me! You know as well as I that in his state, Peeta will do something crazy.” 

“I’ll find Peeta and bring him home. Go take care of your baby.” 

“But-“

“Katniss. Go.” Her lip trembling, she nodded and was forced to admit he was right. Without another word, she walked back through the rain into her house and closed the door. Sighing, Haymitch slammed his bottle down and grabbed a coat from inside. Having a feeling he knew where Peeta had gone, he started off toward town. 

The storm raged on and thunder rocked the district. Haymitch pulled his coat tighter around him and stomped the daisies underneath his feet as he made his way through the meadow. The dirt road was becoming slippery and he paid attention to where he stepped as he walked through town.  
Finally he came to the building and sure enough, he saw a shaking figure with sodden blonde hair sitting in the mud, his knees pulled to his chest, his face hidden in his lap. With a sigh, Haymitch plunked down next to him and looked up at the half-finished bakery.

“Going to run whenever things get too difficult then? I didn’t think that was what you did, Peeta.”

“Shut up Haymitch,” Peeta said without looking up.

“Oh real mature there, Mellark. You have a newborn kid at home and yet here you are crying in the mud.”

“Shut the hell up,” he shrieked, turning on Haymitch. With a mad look in his eyes, he tried to stand up on his knees. “I almost killed her! Again! I’m too fucked up, Haymitch. This is what the Capitol wanted. To destroy me. For me to destroy her. And they succeeded with both.”

“I’m getting really sick of your hot and cold pity parties, bread boy. I don’t know how Katniss can stand you.” Peeta stared at him, shocked and he took a swing at him. But Haymitch dodged it and Peeta wound up falling into the mud. Haymitch calmly knelt and rested his knee in Peeta’s palm, effectively trapping him. 

“Get the fuck off me!”

“Not til you hear what I have to say. Yes, Peeta, you’re damaged. You and Katniss both are. You’ve endured hell. Pure and simple. But you have come so far and have acquired so much, that I can’t just sit by and watch you give up. As much as I want to pretend I don’t care, it’d be a lie. I love you kids like my own and I’m not about to watch you destroy your lives. You married that girl. You have a child with her. You just brought her home from the hospital. What do you think just leaving will do to her? Do you want her to break down and shut off from the world again? Do you want her to search for nightlock?” “

“Stop it!”

“NO! God dammit, Peeta, why don’t you open your eyes and see that your life is pretty damn spectacular? I get that you went through hell. I do, I get it. I saw the mockingjay suffer everyday because of what they were doing to you. I saw how messed up you were when you came back to her. They didn’t do that on accident, Peeta. Let you go, I mean. They practically handed you over to Katniss. Knowing that their poison ran deep enough. But you, kid…you fought it every step of the way. And I’ve seen you two rebuild your lives. The games are over! The War is over! You’re free to live the life you want, with whoever you want! I didn’t get that chance, don’t you see? My family and my girl were killed right after I returned from the Games. I never had a chance to do what you’re doing. You chose Katniss to spend the rest of your life with, so you can’t keep leaving her. You have to find a way to push away those bastards’ words. Find a way to stay with her. What did you do in the Capitol? When you felt one of these things coming on?”

“I don’t know, I think I gripped something really hard. Or asked them to chain me up. The pain kept me grounded.”

“Fine. Buy yourself a pair of handcuffs and lock yourself in the basement. But don’t keep running from her. You’re supposed to prove to her that you can both raise a child together. You’re not doing a great job right now.” He finally moved off Peeta’s hand and rose to his feet. Peeta remained in the mud and shook his head.

“She’s better off without me, Haymitch.”

“Really? Cause before you came back, she was the worst I’d ever seen. Not eating, not bathing, not moving. Tried to off herself more than once. Didn’t care what happened to her. Don’t think that’s really better off but if you want to see news stories all over Panem about the mockingjay killing herself, then hey, by all means stay out here in the rain.” Peeta turned his streaming eyes upon his mentor and shook his head.

“Why would you even say something like that?”

“Because that’s what you’d be facing, Peeta. If you left her or if anything happened to you, I guarantee we would have to lock her up for attempted suicide. Even with a baby to protect, she’s still thinking of you. You have GOT to start thinking of her feelings. Think of your daughter! That little baby that you’ve wanted for so long. What kind of father do you want to be to her?” 

“Haymitch--“

“Go home, Peeta.” And with that, Haymitch turned away, slowly making his way back home. He slowed his pace and heard the sloshing behind him. Peeta walked a few steps behind him until they made it back to Victor’s Village.


	45. Chapter 45

Haymitch went into his house without another word and Peeta shivered as he entered his house. The storm continued to rage on outside and upon entering, he could hear his daughter screaming. He supposed she didn’t like the storm. Or didn’t like the tense situation between mommy and daddy. Either way, he wanted to go comfort her. He left his shoes ands socks by the door and he limped his way up the stairs. He stopped in front of the nursery, where Katniss was sitting in the rocking chair, holding Willow to her chest. 

“Shhh, Daddy will be fine. He’ll be home soon. He loves you, sweet girl. That’s why he’ll come home.” 

“He came home because he loves both his girls,” he said softly from the door, making Katniss jump to her feet. “And he’s so sorry. He’s so sorry, Katniss.”

“What happened to you?”

“Just a rainstorm. Let me change and I’ll try to calm her down.”

“Peeta--“

“I’m soaked, Katniss, and don’t want to get either of you sick. I’ll be right back,” he said more gently. He moved into their bedroom and went to the closet, peeling off his soaking layers. He heard Katniss make soothing noises and Willow had stopped crying. Peeta pulled out fresh clothes and tossed them onto the bed. He spun around to find Katniss glaring at him, just inches away. Without a word, she buried her hand in his sodden curls and tugged him forward, her lips crashing down onto his. He gasped against her mouth but moaned as her tongue forced its way into his mouth, meeting his. 

“Katniss-“ he gasped. She gripped his hair tighter and he bit his lip.

“Peeta Mellark, don’t you fucking do that again. I’m sick of it, do you hear me? Stop leaving me and start TALKING to me.”

“I’m sorry, I just--“

“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” she growled before she plunged her tongue into his mouth again and moved her hand under his shirt. She broke away to yank his shirt over his head and threw it aside. She kissed him again as her hands worked the buttons of his jeans and she yanked those down his ankles, soon followed by his wet boxers. He shivered as the cold air hit his wet skin, his hardened arousal against his stomach. He kicked the clothes aside aside and pressed her against the wall, his hand going to her hair while the other moved to grip her backside. As much as he wanted to lose himself in his wife, he was still coherent and remembered that she had just given birth. He regretfully backed away and his hand went to the back of his neck, which had gone red.

“Katniss, I can’t…we can’t do this. You’ve just…you need time.”

“This is about you, Peeta,” she said gently as she leaned around to grip his ass with both hands. He moaned as her hands massaged his cheeks, her lips grazing across his neck and down his chest. He threw his head back as she took his nipple between her teeth and pulled lightly, kissing her way down his body. She winced as she struggled to stand back up and he held out his hands to help her. Her palm went flat against his chest and she pushed him back onto the bed. He fell against the pillows, his hands flat against the sheets. She climbed onto the bed between his legs and Peeta gulped. She was the Huntress once again and was looking at him as if he were the prey. But then, he supposed, he was. She reached up and held his arms down as her tongue created a path of fire from his throat down his body. He whimpered as she licked all around his inner thighs and around his arousal, never really touching the place he needed her most.

“Katniss,” he whined. 

“No Peeta. I want you begging for me. I want you so hard that you’ll come as soon as I touch you. I want you to see that you belong to me.” He gasped as her tongue barely grazed his tip and she pulled back, smirking.

“I’m the only one who can make you feel like this. I should tie you up and blindfold you and have my way with you. Make you rethink ever leaving this house again.” He gasped, his wide eyes searching hers. He had never seen this side of her. And as alarming as it was, it was making him harder than he had ever been in his life. He reached down to touch her hair and she smacked his hand away.

“Hold onto the headboard. And do not let go.” Gulping, he gripped the headboard above his head and shifted his legs. Katniss squeezed his thighs and her tongue made the lightest path up and down his shaft. He groaned when he felt her hair tickle his balls. Every tiny sensation was heightened and he felt himself close to the edge. She took in in her hand and stroked hard, bringing him so close. But as she felt him swell in her hand, she pulled away and kissed his stomach. He let out a desperate groan.

“Katniss!”

“Beg me, Peeta. Make me see how much you want me. How much you want me to make you come.”

“I…I…” h struggled with words, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as she bent down to kiss his tip, her tongue lightly flicking against his sensitive flesh. 

“Fuck, Katniss!”

“No, Peeta. That’s not it. I guess I should just leave you here, to think about what you’ve done.”

“NO! Please. God, I…Katniss…” She took him deep into her throat and he lost all thought again. But once again, when she felt him swell in her mouth she pulled away and he dropped his head against the pillows, almost in tears.

“Katniss, please! Please make me come. Only you can do this to me. I’m yours, completely. Just please…please let me come.” 

“How badly do you want to come, Peeta?” She took him in her mouth again and he whimpered.

“So bad, Katniss. Please.”

“Will you run away from me again?” she gave him a little squeeze and his hips jerked upwards. 

“No! I promise. I’ll never run from you again.”

“Will you talk to me about your problems?” another squeeze. “Will you try to work things out rather than run from them?”

“Yes! I promise, I won’t close off from you again…”

“No, you won’t. Next time you do, I will chain you to this bed. You may enjoy that a little too much but if it’s the only way to keep you in this house and unable to run away, I’ll make the sacrifice. “

“Ah! Katniss! Shit, I promise…” 

“Good. Come for me, Peeta.” With a few quick strokes, he came all over his stomach and collapsed against the pillows. One of his hands fell by his side while the other draped over his eyes. His chest heaving, he struggled to catch his breath. He felt her climb off the bed and he lowered his hand to find that she had left. When he had the strength, he grabbed the clothes from the bed and headed into the bathroom to clean up.  
He made his way into the nursery, where Katniss was rocking Willow as she hummed a soft tune. He sat in a chair across from her and just watched her. Their eyes met and Katniss passed the sleeping baby to her father. Peeta cradled Willow’s head and stared down at her with such adoration that all of Katniss’s anger at him slipped away. 

“So how much of that was true and how much of it was just you wanting your release?”

“Every word of it was true,” he said quietly, his eyes meeting hers. “And although your methods are…interesting, you’re right. I’m sorry I ran. But if I ever hurt you, Katniss, I’ll never forgive myself. I’m sure you’ve figured out by now I had a flashback.” She nodded.

“Running is the worst thing we could do to each other. You have to at least give me the chance to calm you down, like I did in 13. You didn’t hurt me then and you won’t hurt me now.” 

“I wasn’t thinking clearly. One minute I saw you and Willow sleeping, the next I saw you killing her. I’ve never felt such rage or violence. I didn’t even give myself a moment to process anything. And when I’m in that state…I don’t know how you would stop me.”

“The important thing is, Peeta, you snapped out of it. You brought yourself out of it before you did anything. You can do it, you just have to believe in yourself. Talk to Aurelius and see what he thinks you need to do in those situations.”

“If I’m deep in a flashback, there might not be a way of bringing me back. That’s why I have to stop myself from going there in the first place. I need to grip something or feel some kind of pain to keep myself here.”

“Ok. While we were in the mission, you asked me to keep the cuffs on you. Maybe we should get a pair in case you get really bad again and just need to be restrained until you feel yourself coming back.”

“That wouldn’t freak you out?”

“Peeta, I know what they did to you. Anything that helps us live normally, I’ll be fine with. Now I don’t want Willow to ever see,” she glanced down at their sleeping daughter in his arms and he nodded, stroking the babe’s head. “But maybe this is the last one for awhile. It had to be extreme stress or trauma. You haven’t had one in a long time.”

“Since I left the Capitol,” he nodded. “And I felt it coming on, I just couldn’t stop it. But I think you’re right. After the burial, I felt it happening. Maybe I’ll just lock myself in the painting studio when it happens. So that I’m not leaving the house and you still know what’s going on.” 

“We just have to be open and honest with each other, that’s all,” she said gently. 

“I love you, Katniss. If you always remember that, we’ll be just fine.”

‘”I love you too. Always remember that.” 

 

It was pretty clear that Willow was beloved by all. Katniss and Peeta had taken her into town to show her off and everyone crooned over the babe. Greasy Sae ran a finger underneath her chin and Willow giggled.

“That is the smiliest baby I have ever seen.”

“Are you surprised,” Katniss said with a smile. “With Peeta as her father, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“She has a nice little tuft of hair. Guess she’s going to have two long braids,” the old woman said with a wink. Peeta grinned broadly. All of Panem had heard his confession of how he had fallen in love with her when they were young. The first time he had seen her, when her hair was in two braids instead of one, and how she had sung the Valley Song. Peeta reached over and stroked Willow’s cheek, causing the baby to giggle and reach up to her father. Laughing, Peeta bent down and kissed the pudgy cheek before lifting her into the air and making silly faces at her. Katniss gazed at the sight and Sae nudged her gently.

“I told you that love always has a way of coming back to you.” Katniss smiled and said they had to move on. Peeta insisted on bringing her to see the men who were helping to build the bakery. Thom let out a low whistle.

“Well I never. She’s beautiful , you two. A little mixture of District 12 alright. She’s got Seam hair but Merchant eyes. Don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it.” Peeta draped an arm around his wife, while she held their daughter. Willow’s bright eyes took it all in and Thom laughed.

“Curious little thing aint she?”

“Thank god for you, Katniss,” said Branley, a miner who had worked in the mines with Gale. “Since you defeated the Capitol, there’s no more Reapings. No more Games. Our children can actually grow up now.” 

“It wasn’t just me,” Katniss said with a slight scowl. Peeta smiled and sqeezed her hand, assuring her it was alright. But she shook her head. “Peeta helped just as much as I did, if not more. I’d be lost without him.”

“Of course Katniss. Thank god for you both,” Branley amended. Thom cleared his throat.

“We’ll let you two be getting on. Peeta, we should have everything done by Monday.”

“Great, I’ll put in for the Capitol shipments tomorrow then. Thanks Thom.” He shook hands with the men and they said goodbye. 

Since it was a cool day, they walked briskly back to Victor’s Village. Peeta had noticed Katniss had gotten quiet and he glanced at her.

“Everything ok?”

“When are people going to realize that I didn’t bring the Capitol down by myself,” she said bitterly. “I had help! And without you…I’d be dead, Peeta. I wouldn’t be here without you.”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok,” he soothed, taking her braid between his fingers and tugging gently. “Why are you so upset?” he asked, his voice dropping to a whisper.

“I still feel like you are the only decent one in this world. And no one deserves you. Not me, not any Seam girl. Maybe a Merchant girl, I don’t know. A Capitol girl, perhaps. Or a nice girl back in 13. She could have made you happy and given you a life that you deserve. And then the world would stop talking about the damn star-crossed lovers and how much I’ve done for the war, and they would focus on you and what you did to stop it and--“   
Frowning, Peeta gripped her arms and whirled her around to face him. 

“Where in the hell did all this come from?” When she didn’t answer, he gently shook her. “Talk to me, Katniss.”

“That thing that Thom said about Willow being a mixture of 12. Both Seam and Merchant.”

“So?”

“So? You married beneath you, Peeta! If your mother were here, she’d kill you. Scream at you for marrying a Seam slut. And I’m sure that’s how all the Merchants feel here. You knocked up the Seam girl and had to marry her.” Peeta looked as if he had been slapped.

“Katniss, what the hell are you talking about? Seriously, WHY are you saying these things?” She avoided his eyes and all of a sudden burst into tears. He released her and took a step back, looking bewilidered. She wasn’t pregnant anymore and was still having mood-swings. What the hell was going on? One minute they were fine and the next she was ranting about…well, he still wasn’t sure! Katniss sniffled and moved forward to press Willow into his arms.

“Here, take her. I have to go.”

“Wait, what? Go where?”

“I just need to go to the woods. To think. I’ll be back.” She made to turn but his hand was gripping her wrist tightly.

“Katniss. Come back to us.” Her eyes met his and she nodded before she turned and hurried from the Village. Watching her quickly disappear from view, Peeta sighed and continued on his way home.

“Well little girl, looks like it’s just you and me. You want to help Daddy paint a little?” Willow giggled and Peeta couldn’t help but smile. 

“I can’t wait to teach you how to paint. And to bake! Your little hands playing in the dough.” He made a silly face at her and she let out a stream of gurgles. He froze at the sound of a bang from inside the house nearest him and he cocked his head.

“Come on, let’s go see what Uncle Haymitch is up to.” He nearly tripped over the geese flocking around his feet and when he entered the house, his eyes watered from the foul smells. Regretting bringing his daughter into this place, he shifted her deeper into his shirt and walked from room to room, searching for his mentor. He heard another banging and he peered into the living room. Haymitch was standing (with difficulty) and was throwing his knife into the wall. His eyes were red and unfocused and the strong smell of liqur and vomit wafted from him. Peeta held his breath as he entered the room. He cleared his throat and Haymitch spun around.

“The fuck are you doing here, kid?”

“Hey, language!” Peeta cried, placing his hand over Willow’s ears.

“She’s a couple days old, she won’t remember I promise you.” 

“What are you doing, Haymitch?” 

“Target practice. It’s raining outside so I thought I’d practice in here.”

“It’s not raining. It’s been clear and sunny all day.”

“Well fuck.” Peeta raised a brow.

“Where’s that surly wife of yours?” Peeta frowned again.

“She’s not surly. And she went to the woods.” 

“Must be feeling better if she can go hunting already.”

“She isn’t hunting, she’s just gone to think. What business is it of yours anyway?” 

“Never was my business but I got involved, didn’t I? When you two were Reaped, that’s when I got involved,” he slurred his words. “Thought you two were goners when I met you on the train. But then after you came after me, I thought, maybe these two have a fighting chance. But he’s so sick-in-love with that girl, they both won’t make it out alive. He’ll do everything he can to keep her safe. And you did, didn’t you?”

“I’ll see you later, Haymitch,” he said uneasily, turning to go. 

“She’ll never deserve you, you know.” Peeta turned back, frowning at Haymitch who swayed uneasily.

“All that you did for her and all that she put you through. You have, what, 15 years of love ahead of her? She’ll never catch up.”

“It doesn’t matter if she catches up. What matters is that she loves me now.” 

“That she does, kid. That she does.” Peeta was more than finished with this strange conversation.

“Good night Haymitch.” Without waiting for an answer, he walked out of the house, breathing in the fresh air. He opened the door to his own house and cradled Willow in his arms.

“What do you think, Willow? Should we bake Mommy something special? Something to let her know how much we love her?” Willow lifted her tiny hand and cooed. Peeta smiled.

“I like your way of thinking, baby girl.” 

 

It was definitely a new experience, trying to bake while holding a newborn baby in his arms. But Peeta accepted the challenge and did everything one-handedly. He tiredly wiped his brow and glanced down at her. She was yawning and looked like she was about to fall asleep. He wanted to put her down for a nap but he was finding it rather difficult to be in a different room from her. He kept looking at her, to make sure she was really there. He remembered doing the same thing with Katniss. Hell, he still did it sometimes. He wanted to assure himself that they weren’t just a dream. That he was really here with his family and it was all real. He leaned down and gently nuzzled his daughter.

“Real. You’re real. We’re real. This is real. Snow can’t take this from me. I’ll always be your daddy.”   
The doorbell rang and he frowned. Katniss and Haymitch never rang the doorbell and he never received visitors. Careful not to jostle Willow, he went to open the door and stood back to let the deliverymen in.

“Afternoon Mr. Mellark, we have a bassinet and a play swing for you today.”

“Yeah, great timing. Could you set them up right over there?” With the tip of his hat, the delivery guy started barking orders and they set to work. Peeta grinned as went back to the cake he was baking. He didn’t even notice when the man had come up behind him and he grunted, making Peeta jump a little.

“A willow tree. That’s mighty fine work you do there, Mr. Mellark.”

“Thank you. I used to decorate the cakes back at Dad’s bakery.”

“I remember. You were just a tiny thing, with a bag of frosting in your hand. Your dad was really kind. We miss him a lot.”

“Th-thank you,” Peeta said, glancing up at the man. The man tipped his hat and they left. Peeta felt tears in his eyes and he hastily wiped them away. Dragging the bassinet into the kitchen, he grinned at the sight of it. It was too fancy for Katniss’s tastes but he didn’t care.

“For my little princess,” he whispered as he gave her a quick kiss and lay her down. She slept soundly, her little hand curled up beside her face, the way her mommy slept. Peeta watched her for a moment before turning back to the cake and picking up the piping bag. With the willow tree done, he moved on to painting katniss and primrose flowers and he glanced up at the clock. His thoughts wondered back to Katniss’s words earlier. He knew her mother had come from the Merchant side and she and Prim had always looked…well, strange in the Seam. He wondered if they had ever gotten any kind of flack from the Seam people. She was right of course. His mother had screamed at him, on more than one occasion, for having thoughts of a Seam girl. “A Seam slut”, as Katniss had pointed out. Peeta’s hands shook as he finshed piping the cake, his thoughts flying.


	46. Chapter 46

“Damn it! Those little Seam brats are back,” she roared as she came thundering down the stairs. Peeta winced as he kept his back to her, the bruise still fresh under his eye. 

“I’ll go tell them to leave, Mom,” Kale said hastily. With a quick glance at his father, Kale hurried outside.   
The Seam girl with the striking grey eyes froze in her tracks, her grip on the bag tightening. Kale looked both ways before approaching her.

“Come back later. Dad wants to trade and Mom is having a fit. Can you come back around two? Mom should be down for a nap.” Without a word, the girl nodded and turned away. Kale watched her go, her dark braid slapping against her back. He went back inside and nodded.

“All taken care of, Mom.”

“Glad you went out there instead of Peeta,” she snapped. “He’d feed the whole damn Seam if he could.”

“They’re not that different than us,” Peeta said softly. “All that’s different is their appearance. They work hard, like we do.” Kale sucked in a breath as the slap echoed through the room. Peeta winced, his hand flying to his cheek. 

“You can go live with them if you want,” she snarled. “Give us one less mouth to feed. And you’re completely useless to us here!”

“Darling, Peeta is doing wonderfully with the cakes and baking,” their father said gently. 

“Kale and Bran were doing twice as well at his age! He’s just slow!” The baker did not say anything but he gently clapped his youngest son on the shoulder. With a scowl, the baker’s wife climbed back up the stairs and they heard her moving around, presumably working on the books. Peeta let out a deep sigh when she was gone and his brother squeezed his shoulder.

“How bad is it?”

“No worse than the others she’s given me. Why does she hate me so much?”

“She doesn’t hate you, Peeta.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“Your mother is a complex woman,” the Baker said softly. 

“Well I wish you had married a Seam woman instead. Then maybe I’d have dark hair and olive skin. And could fit in over there cause I definitely don’t fit in here.”

“With those Merchie blue eyes of yours,” Kale teased. “Your eyes tell where you come from, Peeta.”

“Fine. I’d have dark hair and blue eyes.”

“Never seen anything like that,” Kale chuckled. The Baker shook his head.

“Don’t ever say something like that again, Peeta. It’s dangerous. And your mother loves you. She just has a strange way of showing it.” 

“Could she love me a little less then? I’m still sore from the rolling pin last week,” he gingerly rubbed his shoulder and the Baker sighed. He went out into the Bakery to assist the customers and Kale shot him a smile.

“Cheer up, little brother. That little Seam girl will be back in a little bit. She always puts a smile on your face.” Peeta grinned but quickly dropped it and shook his head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you don’t,” Kale said as he sprinkled flour into the bowl. Peeta cleared his throat and went to check on the bread in the oven.

At a few minutes to two, the bakery had slowed down and the Baker came back to the kitchen, wiping his hands.

“I need to go get some things for dinner before Bran gets home. She should be back in a few minutes…can you boys make the trade and keep an eye on things?”

“Sure Dad.” 

“I’ll tell her I bought fresh squirrel at the market,” he said quietly, shooting a look at the ceiling and his sons understood. That’s one of the reasons Peeta loved and respected his father. He would never get anyone into trouble and would never admit that he was trading with the Seam girl, for fear of his wife finding out. He whipped his apron off and wiped his hands as he disappeared up the stairs. Kale glanced out the window and cleared his throat.

“Here comes your future bride.” Peeta blushed bright red and his eyes flew to the window, where the girl with the braid was coming back up the road. She looked shy and cautious as she held her bag in front of her. 

“She is not…my bride, I mean, I mean my future bride…she’s just a girl I know,” he muttered, putting his head down. They heard the bell ring and Kale glanced out the door.

“A customer. Make the trade for me while I help them out.”

“What?! Me? Why don’t you go talk to her and I’ll help the customer?”

“Peeta, you’ve had goo-goo eyes for this girl for years. Just talk to her!” 

“But I--“ but Kale had slipped out into the bakery, leaving a very red Peeta behind. There was a soft knock on the back door and he gulped. He yanked the door open and his eyes widened. She was skinny and small in stature, her dark hair was braided on one side and her grey eyes were stormy and beautiful. She blinked up at him and he bit his lip.

“Hi.” 

“Hi…um…is your father around?”

“He’s, um…he’s busy. Come on in.” She hesitated and he shook his head.

“Mom’s upstairs asleep. It’s ok.” She followed him in and he saw her inhale the smells of the bakery. He gave her a friendly smlile but her mouth was only a thin line. He wondered if she had ever smiled. Well, probably with that Hawthorne boy she was always with. 

“So Dad said you have two for us today, right?”

“Yeah. He said he would give me two for two. If that’s alright.” Peeta nodded and took two fresh loaves from the cooling rack, one with wheat and honey, the other with nuts and raisins. He set the bag on the counter and took the bag from her. He peered in and licked his lips.

“We love fresh squirrel. You’re really nice to do this.”

“Well it’s really nice of your father to trade with me. Not many Merchants would trade with a Seam girl.” 

“I don’t understand that,” he said with a shrug. “I don’t get how different we are. Why District 12 is divided the way it is.”

“It’s just the way things are,” she said with a sigh. He nodded and set the bag of squirrels on the counter. He spotted the cheesebuns cooling off to the side and grabbed a few, stuffing them into the bag as well. When he turned back to her, he saw she looked surprised.

“I made a lot of extra today,” he said non-chalantly. 

“Thank you, Peeta.” He sucked in a breath as his name left her lips. He didn’t think she’d even known it! He nodded and tried to keep the goofy smile off his face. He handed her the bag and gasped when her hand brushed against his.

“Katniss, I--“ but the door burst open and he silently cursed his eldest brother, who was stomping snow off his boots. Bran looked up and his brow raised. 

“Where is Dad?”

“Market,” Peeta muttered. Go away, Bran! 

“And Mom?”

“Napping.”

“Ok. I think it’s time you said goodbye to your friend.” 

“I-I was just leaving anyway,” Katniss stammered, clutching the bag. At that moment the kitchen door swung open and Kale stopped, frowning between Peeta and Bran.

“Bran. When did you get home?”

“Just now. And the girl was just leaving.”

“Katniss,” Peeta snapped. “Her name is Katniss.” Katniss swallowed and started to back out the door, looking like a cornered animal.

“Katniss, wait.” She paused, watching Kale cross the room to the cooling rack. He grabbed a sugar cookie and stuffed it in her bag.

“For your sister.” Katniss’s expression softened immediately.

“Thank you.” She turned to Peeta and blinked softly. “Both of you.” She turned and hurried out the door and Peeta watched her nearly run out of town. He turned back to his brother with a scowl on his face.

“Was that really necessary?”

“Does Mom know she was here?”

“What do you think? Of course she doesn’t know.”

“Dad needs to be careful. She’ll catch us one day and then we’ll all be in trouble. Most of all, your little Seam slut.”

“Don’t you call her that,” Peeta cried, launching himself at his brother. Kale caught him around the middle and held him back.

“Really Bran, you’re sounding more and more like Mom every day.” 

“Mom’s right! A Merchant boy doesn’t fawn over a Seam girl. Peeta needs to forget this infatuation.” Peeta glared at his brother and yanked himself free. His nostrils flaring, he yanked off his apron and stomped out the door, leaning against the wall to listen. Kale shook his head.

“Mom hits him the most. Are you really going to treat him like that too? He’s our little brother!”

“He’ll thank us one day. When he’s older and married and has a family of his own, he’ll thank Mom for trying to make him realize that sort of relationship is impossible.”

“You and Mom are just alike,” Kale said in disgust. “Intolerant and selfish. I’m glad Peeta is different than this family. He’s going to go far. And I’ll laugh in your face when he finally does propose to that girl from the Seam.” 

 

Peeta blinked and looked around. He realized that he was in his house in Victor’s Village and his hands hovered over the cake he was working on. His daughter was still asleep in her bassinet and his wife was eating a piece of bread at the table. She raised a brow when he looked over at her.

“Flashback?”

“No, it was…well, I guess I was daydreaming. But I was remembering…” he continued to watch her as she brushed her hands off and stood up, making her way to him. He reached out for her and she went straight to his arms.

“I called your name twice and you didn’t seem to hear. I didn’t know what was wrong, so I just sat and watched. What were you remembering?” 

“That day that you came to trade with Dad and I brought you into the bakery. We talked about the differences between the Seam and the Merchants and you said that’s just the way it was.” He saw Katniss looking puzzled, trying to remember.

“Your hair was braided on one side,” he said gently, touching it with his fingertips. “And you were so quiet and withdrawn. I stopped breathing when you said my name--I didn’t think you even knew it. And I think I was about to tell you that I had a crush on you when my oldest brother came in and started being an ass.” She cocked her head.

“I remember…you snuck me some cheese buns.” Peeta grinned and nodded. “And your other brother…Kale, was it? He snuck me a cookie for Prim.”

“Yeah! He was the one who made me talk to you in the first place. I mean…he went to help a customer and left me to trade with you.” 

“Why didn’t you talk to me at school, Peeta? We could have started…this a long time ago.”

“I was terrified, Katniss. And I always saw you with Gale. I watched closely and it seemed the only people you ever really talked to were Gale and Prim. And maybe Madge. Would you actually have been my friend? Would you actually have responded to my affections? Or would you have shut down?” 

“I wasn’t too great with friends,” she said with a shrug. “And I never thought of romance because I couldn’t. I had Prim to take care of. And our mother. I had to keep us fed and Prim’s name out of the Reaping bowl. I saw boys take girls to the Slag heap and never really thought I’d be one of them because I just didn’t have time to think about it. I wasn’t like those girls. And I didn’t think anyone could ever love me.”

“You see how wrong you were,” he said softly.   
He stroked her cheek and she looked up into his eyes. Those Merchant blue eyes that shined like stars. 

“What made you remember that anyway?”

“I was trying to figure out why you were freaking about about what Thom said. And I remember my Mom always yelling at me because she knew I loved you. My mom and Bran always told me it would never be. But that particular day, I was telling Dad I wish he had married a Seam girl instead.” Katniss looked stunned.

“Why?”

“I remember telling him I wanted to have dark hair and olive skin. With blue eyes. Kale laughed at me and said he had never seen anything like it. Willow is the first and I love that she is because we are proving that things are really changing in 12. It’s not as divided anymore. Merchants helping in the Seam and Seam people coming to trade with Merchants. I even saw the Hob bustling yesterday. Things are changing, Katniss. We don’t have to be scared of what the Capitol will do anymore.” 

“You wanted to look like you were from the Seam? Why?” He shrugged.

“Maybe I thought you could actually love me. That we would have a chance. Or maybe I just didn’t feel like I fit in with the Merchants. But I thought you were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen and I adored everything about your appearance. Your stormy grey eyes, especially.” Katniss stared at him as if he had sprouted two heads. She then leaned forward and kissed him, her tongue raking along his lips. His hands came up to cradle her face and he angled his head to deepen the kiss. He broke away and rested his forehead against hers.

“I wish my family could see us,” he whispered. “Could see how happy we are. How happy you make me. I wish I could take Willow to my mother and show her how beautiful Merchant blue eyes look with Seam hair.”


	47. Chapter 47

“She’d never approve of me.”

“Dad would love you. I mean he already liked you but he would love to call you his daughter-in-law. And Kale would be excited too. He called you my future bride when you were coming up the lane.” She grinned up at him.

“Guess he was right about that.” She leaned up to suck at his neck and his hands made their way down her back, down to grip her backside. She moaned and Peeta felt the vibrations against his skin.

“Katniss,” he whispered in a sharp breath. 

“Did you fantasize about me, Peeta? Alone in your bedroom when your brothers were asleep?” 

“God yes. Every night.”

“What did you do,” she said in a low voice as her tongue flicked out to run along the edge of his ear. “Tell me.” He squeezed his eyes shut.

“I’d…I’d reach into my boxers and…grip myself. I imagined you right above me, your eyes boring into mine. I thought about your hands moving mine aside and taking hold of me.” He drew a sharp breath as she cupped him through his jeans. She traced his arousal with her hand, before running her fingertips over his waist. She unbuttoned the jeans and slid her hand inside, his flesh hot and hard beneath her fingers. 

“What next,” she whispered huskily, kissing his neck. He moaned.

“I’d suck on my fingers, imagining that they were yours. I’d lick my palm, like I wanted to lick you. To taste you and devour you.” She lifted his hand to her lips and sucked on his fingers, one by one. He was so hard at this point, the material that rubbed against him was driving him insane. He shoved his jeans and boxers a little ways down his hips, his cock springing free. Katniss glanced down and saw several drops of pre-cum on his tip and she spread it around with her fingers. Peeta threw his hand out behind him, clutching the counter.

“Oh shit,” he said, biting his lip. She took his other hand and brought it to where hers was.

“Show me.” His eyes opened and he saw her watching him, a lusty sort of fascination in her eyes. She removed her hand and he gave himself a little squeeze. He closed his eyes again and pumped up and down. He bit his lip, the way he always did when Katniss teased him and she bent in to kiss at the little droplets of sweat that had gathered on his neck. Feeling her tongue on him, he moaned and increased in speed.

“Tell me what you’re thinking of, Peeta,” she whispered against his skin.

“Oh god, Katniss. Your hands stroking me up and down. Your grip is so light, almost teasing and it drives me mad.” He gathered more wetness and spread it around, creating a wet slapping sound that Katniss loved. 

“You take me into your mouth,” he gasped, “your tongue is all over me. Your lips are so smoothe on my shaft and then you take me completely into your mouth.” He squeezed, hard, and he bucked his hips. He cried out as she took a nipple between her teeth and pulled. 

“Fuck! Katniss!”

“Keep talking to me, Peeta. Did you imagine it like this when you were a boy, alone in your bed? Did you think it would feel this good?”

“No! I mean, yeah, I thought…but I didn’t think…oh god…” Katniss couldn’t help but giggle at Peeta being so lost for words. The boy who usually spoke so eloquently was tripping and stumbling and it was all because of her. And she loved it. She relished it. Her hands went to play with his balls and he moaned her name. 

“God Katniss, I thought about you…every time…I did this. Imagining it was you. Your hands and your mouth and your… tight pussy just taking me in. Oh, fuck!” He jerked his hips and his hand was covered. He reached for a towel but Katniss took his hand and devoured every drop. Peeta’s eyes were wide and disbelieving and he was instantly hard again. He dropped to his knees and yanked her pants down her hips. He reached up and stroked her through her underwear until she was embarrassingly wet. Grinning up at her, he picked her up and moved her to the table. He set her legs over his shoulders and knelt between her legs, moving her panties to the side and taking a long lick. She cried out and her hands grabbed at his curls, pulling him into her. He licked and sucked and raked his teeth over her clit. He yanked her underwear down and spread her with his fingers. Careful to avoid any penetration, he kept his tongue barely grazing her and she thrust up into his mouth, clearly frustrated.

“Katniss,” he said from between her legs. “Patience.”

“Fuck Peeta! Fuck fuck fuck!”

“I can’t wait to,” he growled, his tongue traveling over that bundle of nerves. “I’m counting the days until I can be inside you again.” 

“Peeta…please!” Peeta pulled back and his fingertips grazed her clit, rubbing in circles and making her hips jerk. He kissed her above her pelvis as his fingers increased and she came, screaming his name. He gently planted kisses on her thighs before lowering her legs and bending over her to kiss her. She leaned back up while he pulled his jeans and boxers back up and he glanced over at Willow, who was still asleep.

“Damn. She can sleep through anything.”

“I cannot believe we just did that in front of our daughter,” she said, shaking her head.

“I don’t have much of a choice when you tease me like that,” he said, kissing her nose. 

“Learn to resist temptation.” 

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black,” he said, narrowing his eyes. She giggled and he wrapped his arms around her.

“What do we want to do for dinner tonight?” 

“Doesn’t matter to me. Have you been teaching Willow how to bake?” He glanced over his shoulder and smiled.

“Yeah, we made something special for you.” He pulled the cake over and her eyes widened. It was chocolate frosting with a willow tree, katniss flowers, and primroses. In white icing near the top it said “we love you” with little hearts. She grinned and touched his lips.

“I love you too.” 

 

As soon as they lay down together, Willow started to scream. Peeta leaned over and kissed Katniss’s shoulder before he got up and pulled his prosthetic back on.

“I’ve got it,” he muttered as he rushed out of the room. To his surprise and delight, it didn’t take long for her to calm down. He rocked her against his chest, humming quietly. Her eyes gazed up at him until they slowly started to close again. He glanced up to see Katniss in the doorway, her arms crossed and her hair spread across her shoulders. She was watching them intently.

“You ok?” he whispered.

“Yes. I’m just watching. You’re amazing, you know that? If…if we hadn’t gotten pregnant…when we did, I wouldn’t have been able to wait long to give you children. You’re such a perfect father.” He grinned and looked back at Willow.

“I always wanted kids. Even when I was little, I used to cradle a loaf of bread and pretend it was a baby. My brothers thought I was insane.” Katniss laughed at the thought of a little Peeta holding bread in his arms, like he was holding Willow now. 

“I never wanted them. I don’t know if it was the fear of them being Reaped or that I just didn’t want them.” Peeta went to her and wrapped her in one arm, while Willow was   
between them.

“Say I hadn’t,” he looked pained, “…say that it didn’t happen. That we still got together and moved onto a physical relationship over time. Do you think you would have eventually wanted children? Not forced to have them but actually want them?” 

“I wasn’t forced,” she said gently, reaching up to stroke his cheek. He blinked back tears and his hand covered hers. “We had choices, Peeta. I could have chosen to have an abortion or to give her away or a number of things. But I chose to go through with it, because I thought we would be good parents together. I thought we could love her enough and keep her safe. I thought we could do it together.” He cupped her chin and gave her a gentle kiss.

“We are.” 

“I know. She’s here. She’s real. Don’t worry about how she came to be. She’s ours and she’s perfect.” 

“I love that she’s a mixture of both of us. No one could doubt that she’s ours.” He took her back to her cradle and gently set her down. He leaned down to give her a gentle kiss on the head, before turning back to his wife and pulling her into his arms. She pulled him back to their bedroom and climbed under the covers with him. They burrowed into each other’s arms and fell asleep quickly. 

 

Peeta was bound to the table, shirtless, his hands tied by his side and his legs spread apart. His head tossed from side to side, wondering what the hell was happening. He had woken up like this and had been yelling for someone to answer his damn questions for near an hour now. The door opened and his eyes snapped to the sliding door. A figure sidled into his room and his eyes widened.

“What-?” The young woman was wearing nothing but a white robe and a black feather mask. Her long dark hair cascaded down her back and her grey eyes bore into his. He swallowed and shifted in his bindings.

“K-Katniss?” She said nothing but moved toward him, leaning down to kiss his chest. He gasped at the contact and tried to shift away. She blinked up at him and her lips twitched. Peeta shook his head. No, it wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. Why was she here? 

“Katniss,” he whispered. “Is it you?” She nodded and raked her nails down his chest. He bit his lip and threw his head back as her nails raked across his nipples. Her hands moved down his chest to his pants; her hand slid under the waistband and and she took him in her hand. He gasped and tried to sit up, his bound hands keeping him from doing so. She started to stroke him and he started to pant. She stood and removed her robe, revealing olive skin with perky breasts and a smoothe stomach. In one quick yank, she had his pants and boxers around his ankles.

“K-Katniss!” She bent down and kissed his tip and he let out another strangled gasp. She let out a low chuckle.

“You’re worthless, you know that?” His wide eyes gazed down at her and she looked up at him as she continued to stroke him. 

“Not what you were expecting, little baker boy?” Peeta swallowed, his eyes boring into hers. They weren’t hers. He knew her eyes so well and right now, this wasn’t her. Another sick game of the Capitol, another way to torment him. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back.

“It’s not real,” he muttered to himself. She let out another laugh.

“This isn’t real?” She squeezed his cock so hard he let out a cry. Her palm slapped against his sensitive flesh and his hips jerked. 

“You think I’d ever love you? You think you’ll ever be anything to me?” 

“You’re not her. You’re not Katniss,” he moaned, his eyes still shut. He was humiliated that he was aroused right now. That this Capitol bitch could get him hard and wanting. No. Only thoughts of Katniss can do that, he told himself firmly. She can’t have this. The Capitol can’t have this! 

“And where is your precious Katniss,” she said nastily. “Not here. Not rescuing you. She’s left you here to rot. She doesn’t care what happens to you. You are nothing to her.” Silent tears streamed down his cheeks. She scoffed and released him. He felt her straddle him and his eyes shot open. She was positioning herself over him and he gasped.

“No! Please!” Her hand closed around his throat and he jerked away. “Please! Don’t…please…” Her grey eyes continued to gaze into his. 

 

“Katniss!” He sat straight up in bed, still panting. He glanced down at his arousal and groaned. She was up in an instant, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his neck.

“It’s not real,” she said soothingly. “You’re safe, with me. Not real, Peeta.” He fought her embrace, turning away and sobbing into his hands. She tried to pull him back to her but he shook his head and threw the covers back. Forgetting that had taken his prosthetic off, he tried to stand and went crashing to the floor.

“Peeta!” Katniss dropped to her knees to help him up and he flung her hands away.

“Get away from me,” he snarled. 

“Peeta, please. I’ve got you, I’m here. Nothing will ever take you away again. I’ll never let anything hurt you again.” She pulled him into her arms and held him close. His head trembled against her breast but he did not try to pull away. After a few moments, he stopped shaking and buried his face in her chest, his hands grasping her arms. She soothed his damp hair back and kissed his temple.

“You’re ok. You’re safe, in my arms.” And she began to sing to him. She felt him relax in her embrace and she continued her lullaby. When he went limp in her arms she stood and pulled him back up to the bed. She held the covers up while he slid in, then she curled up beside him. He let out a deep sigh as he wrapped her in his arms.

“I’m sorry Katniss,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m so messed up.”

“We both are. Don’t apologize.” 

“It’s just…some things I now know aren’t true. Other things, I know are true and I wish they weren’t.” She turned into him and rested her chin on his chest, looking up into his eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He hesitated but a look into her loving eyes made him want to confess. 

“It was several weeks after they captured me. I say several weeks, really, I have no idea. Could have been weeks, could have been a few days. At first Snow came to visit me himself. He told me you were a part of the rebellion and I needed to save you from the rebels. After awhile, I guess they were seeing your propos and Snow came to see me again. He had this evil look in his eyes and he told me it wasn’t working. That they needed to break you another way. And they knew exactly how to do it.” Katniss’s eyes filled with tears but she let him continue, sensing he needed to get this out. 

“They didn’t start with the track-jacker venom until much later. But they showed me videos. Videos of you and Gale, of us on the train, of you alone…in your bed,” he swallowed and avoided her eyes. “Most of it, I think, was engineered. But they made me watch hours of tapes. They showed me…one particular video…of you and Gale. I think it was behind the Slag heap, cause I didn’t know where it was. But he was…touching you and you were letting him do things…and Gale asked, “what about your fiancé” and you said you could care less. That’s when I broke down.”

“Peeta,” she said in a miserable whisper. 

“After that they tried some different methods. I mean they discovered I didn’t know anything about the revolution but I think it became about breaking you. Twisting my mind beyond recognition. One morning I woke up strapped to the bed and they sent a girl in. She looked just like you…she was wearing a mask so I didn’t see her face clearly but I saw her eyes and…they looked like yours. She undressed me and started to touch me and stroke me and kiss me. And then she started saying horrible things, things that made me realize it wasn’t you. And when I started to fight back, she climbed on top of me. She…well, I don’t know what happened next. I blacked out.” Katniss had difficulty finding her voice.

“Did she…?”

“I don’t know. To this day, I don’t know. She could have. She probably did. But thank god I can’t remember. If she did, I deserve it. What goes around comes around, I suppose.”

“Peeta,” she said, anger replacing her sadness. “That’s not…how can you say that? I thought we’d agreed not to--“

“It doesn’t matter if we talk about it or not, Katniss! I will never forget what happened. Or forgive myself. Yes we have moved on and we love each other and we have a beautiful daughter but I still did that to you! I’m no better…I was no better than that Capitol woman. I’m different…I know that I got better and that things got better for us. But when we go to sleep and my nightmares start, I can’t get those images out of my head.” He reached up and gripped his curls tightly, squeezing his eyes shut. She took his face in her hands and gently kissed his lips and his eyes shot open.

“I love you, Peeta Mellark. You are the man who changed me. Made me what I am today. And for that, I am proud and grateful to call you mine. We were each other’s firsts. I never did anything like that with Gale, you have to believe me.”

“I do.” 

“I never felt for Gale what I feel for you. I know you have always thought that you were second-best to him, in my eyes but that couldn’t be further from the truth. It was your kindness and your sweetness and your compassion and your determination to protect me. I fell in love with it all. And I will love you until my heart ceases to beat.” He gathered her in his arms and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Their hearts raced in unison and she felt his tears dripping into her hair.

“I love you, Katniss. We’re damaged and just beginning to heal but I know the future is bright because you are in it.” She pulled him back down into the bed with her and grasped his hands tightly. His arm snaked underneath her and one hand covered her breast while the other rested on her stomach. Wrapped in her husband’s loving embrace, Katniss fell asleep rather quickly. And Peeta followed, his nightmares scared away by the woman in his arms.

 

When Peeta awoke, the space next to him was empty and he sat straight up. Katniss had never woken up before he did and panic flooded through him. He pulled his prosthetic on and lumbered down the hall. 

Katniss stood by the cradle, her night shirt removed and her baby suckling at her breast. Peeta sighed as he leaned against the threshold, transfixed by the sight. While Willow fed, Katniss began to sing. Peeta entered the nursery and wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. He closed his eyes and listened to her voice, all of his worries and troubles melting away. When she stopped, he opened his eyes and looked down to see Willow had stopped eating. She turned and handed him their daughter so she could pull on her shirt.

“Don’t you need to be at the bakery today?”

“I told Thom I was taking a few weeks off. You know, paternity leave.”

“Peeta, it’s almost finished! Willow and I will be fine alone, you should go.” He bit his lip.

“Are you sure? I really don’t want to leave you.”

“I’m sure. The sooner you open the Bakery, the sooner you can make me mass amounts of cheese buns.” He grinned.

“I don’t make you enough already?”

“Ok, there are plenty of sweets I am dying to sample. I’ll be your taste tester.” Chuckling, he shook his head and leaned down to kiss her.

“Ok. But go to Haymitch’s for awhile. I’d feel better if you weren’t here by yourselves.”

“Because Haymitch’s company is so much better than being alone?” she said with a scoff.

“You might be surprised. The last few times I have seen him, he’s been sober. And he loves to hold Willow. I think he may be trying to sober up for her. Cause he knows I’d kick his ass if he was drunk around her.”

“Fine. I’ll take some lunch to him. Should I expect you for dinner?”

“You should. I won’t stay long.” She kissed him and placed Willow over her shoulder, rubbing her back soothingly. Peeta hurried off to shower and dress and when he came downstairs, he found Katniss at the table, holding Willow in the air. He smiled as he watched her playing with their daughter. He didn’t know what she had been worried about. She was already an amazing mother.


	48. Chapter 48

Peeta couldn’t help but smile as he walked back to his home. The Bakery was coming along beautifully and would be ready to open in just a few short weeks. He glanced at Haymitch’s house, hearing the honking of geese and his furious yells coming from the back of the house. Chuckling, he continued on his way and stopped in front of Katniss’s house. It looked lonely and forboding. Shaking his head, he pushed his door open and froze in his tracks.   
Her game bag and bow were set beside the door. A small puddle of blood made his heart flip and he followed the specks of blood up the stairs to their bedroom. By the time he had entered their room, he had stopped breathing.

“Katniss? Katniss, where are you?” He spun around on his heels, feeling the ongoing train of negative thoughts about to crush him.

“No,” he said through clenched teeth, reaching out to grip the dresser. “No, stay. Stay with her. Don’t…it’s not real.” His knuckles were white but he felt himself relax and he opened his eyes again.

“Peeta?” He whirled around, his eyes wide as they focused on his wife. Without a word he crossed the room and enveloped her in his embrace. 

“I’m ok,” she said into his shoulder. 

“What happened to you? Are you hurt?”

“No Peeta, I’m fine--“

“What is all the blood? Did you go hunting? Katniss you know it’s too soon--“

“Peeta, stop it. I said I’m fine. Yes I went hunting but I didn’t hurt myself. I just noticed that I was bleeding…um, down there, and asked Haymitch to watch Willow a while longer so I could call Dr. Verrity. She said it was nothing to worry about. It’s normal to bleed after a birth. Especially a complicated birth,” she said thickly, quickly clearing her throat to let him know she didn’t want to discuss the subject further.

“So you’re alright?”

“I told you I was,” she said with a smile and her hand went to his cheek. He took it and kissed it and leaned down to kiss her. His hands went to her wet hair and she placed both hands on his chest to gently push him away.

“Why don’t you go get Willow and I’ll start on dinner?”

“You sure you don’t want to rest? The doctor said you would need--“

“Peeta,” she said patiently. “I’m fine. I promise. I don’t need to rest. But I am quite hungry so I’ll go start on dinner.” She kissed his cheek and went downstairs. Peeta followed her, watching her as she unloaded her game bag and started to clean her kill. 

“Katniss…the blood.” She looked up, frowning, then her eyes went to the little spots on the floor.

“Oh damn, I didn’t even notice that. I’ll clean it up.” He nodded and bit his lip, knowing he should have offered to help her. For some reason, the sight of blood was making him ill and he felt like he was the pregnant one now. Crossing the yard to his neighbor’s, he frowned when he saw Haymitch on the porch, surrounded by the geese and holding Willow in his arms.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Little mockingjay wants to play with the geese. Here, take her.” Peeta took his daughter and chuckled when her tiny fingers brushed his chin. 

“Katniss is making dinner. Do you want to join us?”

“Love to but I plan on being piss-drunk by then.” Peeta rolled his eyes.

“When are you going to stop that, Haymitch? C’mon. You have a perfect baby girl who wants to spend time with her Uncle Haymitch. You have to be sober for that.”

“You deal with shit your way, I’ll deal with it mine,” Haymitch said dismissively, grabbing the food bag for the geese and started to throw it all over the yard. Peeta sighed and held Willow to his chest as he walked back home. 

When he entered, the delicious smell of meat hit him and he smacked his lips.

“It smells amazing, sweetheart. Want a hand?”

“You can make a salad if you like. Are we just keeping her bassinet down here so we can cook?”

“Works for me,” he said, setting Willow down. “Although I suppose eventually we’ll have to get used to putting her in a different room.”

“I won’t be ready for that any time soon,” she said, shooting her daughter a loving glance. “Perhaps when she’s five or six we can.” Peeta laughed and wrapped his arms   
around her from behind, leaning in to kiss her neck. 

“Control yourself, Peeta. I have to finish making dinner.” 

“Only thing I’m hungry for is you,” he said in a low growl. But she shook her head and pulled away, stepping around him to continue cooking. Ignoring his growing desire, he pulled out the ingredients and set to making a salad.

When they finished, Peeta set out the dishes and Katniss scooped up the casserole onto a plate. Peeta grabbed a loaf of bread and broke it apart for them to share. He hadn’t baked anything in awhile and knew he should get back to it.

“The Bakery?” she asked after a few moments of silence while they ate.

“Almost ready. I put in for the shipments today. Ovens should be delivered this weekend and I need to go shopping for baking supplies. Thom’s wife was asking me about menus. I’m not too sure about what I’ll be selling so I told her I have to wait. It’s coming together. I’m scared but really excited. I think Dad would be proud.”

“I’m sure he would,” she said softly, finding his hand under the table and squeezing it. He squeezed back and rested them on his knee. 

“Peeta, I have to…talk to you.” He lowered his fork at her serious tone.

“The other night…umm, I want to apologize for…for umm…” he squeezed her hand again and she looked up into his bright eyes.

“It’s just me, Katniss.” She nodded and took a deep breath.

“I wanted to apologize for being so…domineering with you. If I had known about…” she bit her lip and looked down at the table. Peeta cleared his throat, sensing where she was going with this. She was obviously feeling guilty now that he had told her about the girl taking advantage of him. She wouldn’t blame him for having a flashback. It was a miracle, really, that they had any sort of desires at all and she was grateful their past traumas had not ruined their intimate lives. But she had to be careful. They both did, lest they tread dangerous waters. 

“I liked it baby,” he finally said, making her look up. “It took me by surprise and I didn’t know what to think at first but it was…it turned me on to see you like that. You didn’t…you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I feel like you wouldn’t have had that dream if I hadn’t…”

“No. I have those nightmares all the time. You didn’t do anything. We just have to be honest with each other, that’s all. Tell each other what we like and what we don’t like. If I ever get too rough with you, you need to tell me.”

“I will. And if I ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable, you’ll tell me?”

“Of course,” he said, nodding. “Katniss, I…we have a lot to learn about each other still. I may know you better than you know yourself but that doesn’t mean I’m a mind reader. We just have to talk. Even if we’re embarrassed, promise me you’ll talk to me.”

“I promise, Peeta.” 

“That’s all we can do. We have to start depending on each other again. It’s like we’re in the Games again and two of us can go home. You’re my partner, just like you’ve always been. And we will get each other out. We will protect each other.” Katniss was silent as she finished eating; while Peeta cleaned the dishes, Katniss carried Willow to the nursery to feed. Peeta joined her a few moments later and together, they laid their daughter down for bed. Katniss had heard that babies didn’t often sleep through the night but she was delighted that Willow seemed to be calmer than most and went right to sleep. Yawning, she walked into their bedroom and quickly changed for bed. Peeta slid in behind her and held her in his arms until they were both dreaming peacefully.

 

They developed and continued their routine for several weeks. Willow was still sleeping through the night, Katniss was hunting again and was less tired, and Peeta was quickly approaching the opening day of the Bakery. Katniss tried to help him with the preperations but taking care of Willow took up most of her time. Haymitch babysat whenever he could but they insisted that he be sober and those times were pretty few. Katniss had visited with Dr. Verrity and was delighted to hear that she was healing normally and fairly well. The bleeding had stopped and she was no longer sore. The only problem was how much Peeta wanted her again. And Katniss never seemed to be in the mood or have enough energy. Peeta was patient and loving as ever but after several weeks of barely touching his wife, he started to feel the toll of lack of intimacy. Katniss, however, did not notice and Peeta, of course, never mentioned it. 

The morning of opening day, Katniss was up early and had already fed Willow. She gently shook Peeta awake and smiled when his hazy blue eyes blinked up at her.

“Come on Sleepyhead. It’s time.” He groaned and covered his head with a pillow.

“Peeta,” she sighed. “The whole district will be there. This is such an important day for you! For the Mellarks.” 

“That doesn’t give me the incentive to get out of bed,” he said grumpily. “If anything, it scares me more.”

“Come on baby,” she whispered, leaning in close. “I’ll be by your side the whole time. You’ll have both your girls cheering you on.” Peeta lowered the pillow from his face and leaned up to kiss her. After a brief kiss on the lips, he took her face in his hands and his passion increased. Katniss tried to back away but he held on.

“Peeta,” she said breathlessly. “You need to get ready. We can’t…not right now.” 

“There’s still time,” he said in a voice laced with desire. His hand moved down to grasp her breast and she gasped. But she backed away and moved off the bed. Peeta watched her move to the closet and he sighed.

“Katniss…is something wrong?” She turned back to him, frowning.

“No, why would something be wrong?”

“You tell me. We haven’t…I haven’t touched you in weeks. I just wondered if everything was alright.”

“I just had a baby, Peeta,” she said, her voice rising a little. “Forgive me if I didn’t want to jump in the sack with you the day we came home from the hospital.”

“I get that but it’s almost been a month. I miss you, Katniss. I miss being with you.”

“You sleep beside me every night!”

“That’s different and you know it. And every morning when I wake up hard, I have to deal with it on my own. I’m not trying to pressure you, I just want to know if everything is ok.”

“Everything is fine,” she snapped. Peeta raised a brow.

“And that right there tells me everything is not fine.”

“Ugh, when did you become a typical man? Why is it all about sex?” 

“Typical--are you kidding me? When have I ever been a “typical man”? When have I ever pushed you to do something you don’t want to do?” He froze, his eyes wide and Katniss turned to him, looking wary. He reached out and gripped the bedside table, hard, and closed his eyes for moment. When he opened them, they were as blue as ever and Katniss sighed. But Peeta looked angrier that he had almost succumbed to a flashback. 

“You know what? Forget I even brought it up.” He flung the covers back and once he had pulled on his prosthetic, he stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Katniss sighed and dug through her clothes.   
She was dressing Willow in an adorable outfit that Annie had sent her when Peeta stopped in front of the nursery. He sighed and entered, clearing his throat to announce his presence. She didn’t turn to look at him as she struggled to put Willow’s foot through the hole.

“We’ll be ready in a moment. If you need to go ahead and go, we can meet you there.”

“I want my wife and daughter by my side every second of today. I can wait as long as you need.” 

“This would be so much easier if your daughter didn’t squirm so much!” Chuckling, Peeta crossed into the room and glanced down at his daughter, who seemed to be having a grand old time giving her mommy so much trouble. He gently lifted her and held her still so Katniss could finish dressing her. He shifted her to his other arm and swept down to Katniss for a kiss.

“Team work,” he whispered. She nodded and he kissed her again, relieved that she didn’t pull away. 

“Alright, I think I’m ready,” he said nervously. She took his hand and squeezed it.

“You should be proud of yourself, Peeta. I know I am. And Willow is too. Her daddy is the best baker in Panem.” 

“Well that’s some praise, coming from a baby who’s never tasted my baked goods,” he said with a wink. Katniss gave him a sheepish smile.

“She had plenty of your cheese buns in the womb.” He laughed.

“You probably overdosed on them. Ok, let’s get going.” Katniss took Willow and Peeta draped his arm around his wife as the little family stepped out into the cold day and headed toward town.

 

“Wait for me!” They stopped, looking at each other with furrowed brows.

“Was that--?”

“Can’t be.” They turned and saw a skinny young woman running out of Haymitch’s house. Her short brown hair flew in the wind and she pulled her coat tighter around her. 

“Jesus it’s freezing,” she said as she approached them.

“Jo!” Katniss flung her arms around her friend and Johanna smirked.

“Missed me that much, huh brainless? Good to see you too.” She turned to Peeta and hugged him, careful not to squish the bundle in his arms.

“And you too bread boy! Wow. And you DID put a bun in her oven. A cute little bun. Good for you, Mellark.” Peeta rolled his eyes but smiled. Johanna leaned in to see the child.

“She has your eyes, Peeta. And Katniss’s scowl.” 

“She smiles more than anyone I’ve ever seen,” Katniss laughed. 

“It’s true,” Haymitch said as he approached. “But she’s definitely got both her parents in her. How you doing this morning, kid?” He turned to Peeta, who shrugged.

“Guess I’m pretty fantastic. I have the best support system any guy could ask for. Can’t really complain.” 

“So when did you get here, Johanna?”

“Last night. I stayed with Haymitch cause I wanted it to be a surprise. But we slept in this morning and I just heard you lovebirds chatting. Are we walking to town? It’s fucking cold!” 

“Hey, little ears,” Peeta said with a frown. Johanna threw her head back and laughed.

“He’s even more of a golden boy now that he’s a father.” 

“She hears worse from me, trust me,” Haymitch said with a grin.

“That doesn’t make me want to keep dropping her off at your house.”

“Oh lighten up, Peeta! Jesus Katniss, didn’t you give him anything for his anxiety this morning?”

“I don’t take pills.”

“That’s not what I was referring to,” Johanna said with a wink and a gleam in her eye. Katniss groaned. 

“Come on. We’re going to be late.”

“You three go ahead. I’ll drive Johanna in your wagon.” Peeta nodded and put an arm around Katniss, shielding her from the cold. They put Willow between them to keep her warm and continued their walk toward town.

“Sorry about Johanna,” Peeta muttered.

“Why? She’s always been like that. Blurts anything that comes to her mind.”

“Yeah but…she made you uncomfortable.”

“Again, she’s always done that. I’ll always remember when she stripped down in the elevator at the Training Center.” Peeta couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your face though. But you were so angry with me afterwards. As if I had actually looked at her.”

“You had a beautiful, naked woman right in front of you! What was I supposed to think?” He shrugged.

“Not the beautiful naked woman I wanted. You’re the only woman I’ve ever had eyes for. You know that.”

“I do. Now.” 

“So what’s changed?” She glanced up at him to see him watching her carefully. Her eyes fell back down.

“Nothing’s changed, Peeta.”

“But--“

“Peeta, I promise we will talk about this. But not today. I don’t want you thinking of anything else but the Bakery.” He let out a deep sigh.

“You know that’s not possible for me, Katniss.”

“Try.”


	49. Chapter 49

When they arrived, a crowd had already gathered so Peeta and Katniss entered through the backdoor. Katniss stopped to inhale the delicious smells of sugar cookies and cheesebuns and he grinned sideways at her. 

“I guess I should put you at the register rather than helping in the kitchen. We might not have anything left to sell.”

“I resent that. I’m not eating as much as I was.”

“No, you’re not and I need to fatten you up again.” 

“Oh believe me, I’m fat enough already. I don’t need your delicious goodies going to my thighs too.” Peeta frowned a little at her teasing remark. He knew she had meant it to be a joke but he couldn’t help but hear the uncertainty in her voice. Was that what she was worried about? That she had gained a little weight? If she hadn’t let her scars and her pregnant belly stop her before, why in the world would she think extra baby weight would bother him? He shook his head and turned to the cooling rack. He immediately set to work on more muffins and cookies and only turned back when Katniss cleared her throat.

“I think Haymitch and Johanna want to come in to help.” 

“Tell them to come around to the back.” Katniss motioned for them to come around and she opened the door for them. 

“Christ it’s COLD,” Johanna said again. 

“Jo, it’s not even winter yet. Do you really not get cold weather in 7?”

“7 is too cold for me, brainless. I’ve been in 4. With Annie.” Katniss and Peeta stared at her while she fished through her pockets.

“Here. She wanted me to give this to you.” Katniss took the picture and stifled a sob. Peeta leaned over and the sea-green eyes captivated him. 

“My god,” he said softly. “He looks just like him.” Johanna nodded.

“He’s a looker, alright. Annie decided to name him Finn. She didn’t know until…after, that she was pregnant. When I was released from the Capitol, I went home to 7 for awhile but realized I didn’t want to be alone. And I knew Mockingjay was banished to 12 so I couldn’t ask her to come to me. So I wrote Annie and she said she needed some help with Finn. I agreed to move to 4 to help out. I don’t do much but drink and watch her chase him around but I can see Finnick in those little chubby cheeks.” 

“This will go in the book,” Katniss said to Peeta as she carefully placed the picture in her pocket. Peeta nodded and turned to his mentor.

“Ok, are you guys here for moral support or actual help?”

“I’d prefer moral support but if you need an extra hand, I’m sober for the first time in a long time For now.”

“Thank you for that. Alright, Katniss will be on the register--“

“Peeta, I don’t think I should do that,” she said carefully. “Why don’t you stay on the register and help the customers and we will help here in the kitchen?”

“Mockingjay has a point,” Johanna said with a grin, “none of us have great people skills, save for you.”

“Ok. I’ll bring orders to you. Katniss, I’ll go ahead and show you how to work the ovens. Here, I brought Willow’s seat with me. You can set her down while you work.” Katniss kissed her daughter and set her into the chair that Peeta had bought. She seemed happy to play with the toys and controls on the chair and Peeta smiled.

“Ok, one hour til we open. Let’s get to work.” 

Peeta insisted on having Katniss beside him when they opened the doors so they could welcome everyone to Mellark Bakery. As people lined up, Katniss hurried to the back to crank out the orders. The muffins flew off the shelf, the sugar cookies were all devoured, the cheese buns disappeared in seconds, and the cupcakes were bought up before the first hour of the store.   
Peeta was stunned. His father’s bakery had been successful but he had no idea it would be this popular. People kept thanking him and patting his hand as they placed their orders. Sae and her daughters all bought a cinnamon bun and Sae patted Peeta’s cheek.

“It’s so good to see you living again, Peeta.” He smiled and nodded gratefully before moving on to the next customer. 

Back in the kitchen, Katniss was mixing ingredients for more cakes and Johanna was kneading dough. Haymitch stuffed a cheesebun into his mouth and Katniss gave him an exasperated look.

“We won’t have anything to sell!”

“Oh calm down, Mockingjay, we’re making more.”

“Can you guys please stop calling me that,” she said, closing her eyes. “That was the past and something I’d prefer to forget about eventually.”

“I’ll just go back to calling you brainless,” Johanna said with a playful nudge but she had a look of understanding in her eyes.   
Peeta opened the door and surveyed the room.

“Everything ok back here? The cupcakes seem to be in high demand.” 

“Going into the oven now,” Katniss said, her back to him. He smiled.

“I’ll make a huge dinner for all of you tonight to thank you for this.”

“You had better be planning to hire a crew,” Johanna said, licking her finger. “I don’t plan on living in this bakery while I’m visiting 12.”

“Already got it covered. No one could start work until tomorrow though.” He turned and hurried away at the sound of the bell. 

At ten to six, the last of the cusomers were leaving and Peeta leaned over the register, exhausted. He pushed the door open and saw Haymitch dozing in a chair, holding a sleeping Willow. Katniss and Johanna were kneading dough and talking in low voices.

“Hey, has it cleared out in there?” Katniss asked, spotting him.

“Nearly. I’m getting ready to close up. Jo, would you mind just wiping down the tables in there? Katniss, if you could clean a few of those dishes, I can do the rest tomorrow.” Both girls nodded and Peeta moved to the bread. But the sound of the bell made him stop and Johanna’s voice rang out through the bakery.

“Mr. Mellark, you’re needed out here please!” He rolled his eyes and went to greet the customer.  
A young woman with long blonde curls and huge blue eyes smiled a dazzling smile as he approached.

“”Hi, welcome to Mellark Bakery. How can I help you today?” 

“Well I had heard such wonderful things about the cookies and pastries in here but they never said how delicious the baker is.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Johanna freeze and give the woman a cold glare. Peeta cleared his throat nervously and started to gesticulate with his left hand, hoping she would take the hint.  
Unfortunately, she didn’t. She leaned over the counter and her low-cut shirt practically fell open. Peeta gulped and kept his eyes focused on hers. The woman kept giggling and touching his hand while she contemplated what she wanted. Johanna kept shooting her disgusting looks but Peeta did not want to be rude to a customer and patiently waited for her to order. Johanna threw down the towel and stomped toward the back. The busty blonde let out a shrill giggle.

“Oops. I don’t think your wife likes me too much.”

“Um…she’s, she’s not my wife.”

“Oh! I was told you were married but I thought they must be mistaken! I hadn’t heard anything about you getting married anyway and your face has been all over Panem news for years now, hasn’t it? Why wouldn’t it? A handsome face like yours.” She reachd out to stroke his cheek and he jerked back, clearing his throat.

“Do you, um…do you know what you’d like to order yet?”

“How about a big helping of you to go,” she said with a wink. 

“I’m um…I’m sorry but I AM married…to--” he stammered. The woman didn’t seem to hear him and she rested her hand on his. He jerked away but she leaned over the counter again, her breasts exposed to their air and to everyone who would look. Not that Peeta was looking but he went red and averted his eyes. He heard the door slam and he whirled around to find a very angry Katniss. 

“Katniss! I was just talking about you. Come here, baby, meet…umm…I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?” 

“Diana. I work at the Jewelry store down the road,” she said, flashing him another smile. He nodded nervously, draping an arm around Katniss’s shoulder and practically pulling her to him.

“Diana, meet my wife Katniss.”

“Oh my god! Katniss Everdeen! The Girl on Fire! You did get married after all?” 

“Yes, yes we did and we’re very…happy,” he said, his smile faltering at the look on Katniss’s face.

“We’re closing up. Do you want something or not?”

“Katniss!” He bit his lip and turned to Diana, his face very red.

“I’m sorry. It’s been a very long day for all of us.”

“Oh I’m sure! I heard a rumor that you just had a baby! Don’t new mothers need plenty of rest? You look simply exhausted.” Peeta reached for Katniss’s hand but she flung it away from her. He gulped. 

“Well, I’ll just take a few of those cheesebuns that I’ve been hearing so much about.”

“Coming right--“

“We’re out,” Katniss snapped. 

“Oh that’s ok then, I shouldn’t be eating them anyway. Have to watch my figure.” Katniss’s eyes flashed.

“Then why did you come to a bakery?” 

“Sweetheart please,” Peeta muttered. 

“I should be going anyway. Nice to meet you both! I’m sure I’ll see more of you, Peeta!”

“Not if you want to keep watching that figure,” Katniss threw at her as she was exiting. She let out a shrill giggle before the door closed and Katniss turned and shoved the door to the kitchen open. Peeta sighed and picked up a rag to clean up the counters and finish wiping down the tables. When he was finished, he glanced at the clock and yawned. He had promised to make dinner but he was so dead on his feet that he imagined he would just fall into bed, shoes on and everything. He pushed the door open and frowned when he saw only Haymitch, holding Willow up in the air.

“Where’s Katniss?”

“Oh she left.” 

“Left? What do you mean, she left?” Haymitch lowered the baby and gave Peeta a condescending look. 

“Do I really need to explain what happened?” Peeta groaned and shook his head.

“Please don’t tell me she was jealous!” 

“Hey, you know your girl better than I do. But she looked pretty angry. I wouldn’t go looking for her. I imagine she grabbed her bow and disappeared to the woods.”

“Typical Katniss,” Peeta muttered angrily. “Disappear before we have a chance to talk about anything. Sulk and throw a fit.”

“I wouldn’t exactly tell her that right now,” Haymitch said with a raised brow.

“Ok well I’m not apologizing because I didn’t do anything wrong! I’m tired of her blaming me for shit. I’m her damn husband and she won’t even talk to me about things. Just runs off with her fucking bow.”

“Alright steady kid. Don’t want anything bad happening.”

“I’m not going into a flashback,” he snapped. “But I am going to go find her! Can you watch Willow for me?”

“I told her I would. Johanna tried to calm her down but she ran off. I think Jo went back to my place.”

“Ok, thanks Haymitch. I’ll be by to pick up Willow later.” Grabbing his coat, he watched Haymitch climb into the wagon and he locked up before he started to run back toward Victor’s Village.


	50. Chapter 50

The clouds overhead rolled and darkened and before long, icy cold rain was pelting him. He winced and pulled his coat around him. After awhile, he started to worry. He hoped she wasn’t this stupid. It was dark, freezing, and storming. He put a hand to his mouth and called her name. 

“Katniss! Please, answer me!” He stopped in front of their house and heard the sound of something hitting the house. Frowning, he made his way around to the back and froze in his tracks when he saw Katniss flinging knives into the boards.

“What the hell are you doing?” She didn’t answer but continued to fling knives. He approached her and tried to wrestle one of the knives from her hands.

“Damn it Katniss, talk to me!”

“Don’t touch me!”

“Would you stop being so psycho and just LOOK at me?”

“No! Let go of me!” Becoming angrier by the minute, Peeta forced her hand down so she dropped the knife. Incensed, she writhed in his arms until he slammed her against the side of the house and held her hands by her head. 

“Damn it Peeta, let me go!”

“No! You’re going to fucking stop and talk to me. I’m your husband, damn it, so don’t think you can just run from me and not expect me to chase you!” 

“You wouldn’t have even noticed if I hadn’t walked in! You seemed pretty occupied with big blonde and busty in there!”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re actually JEALOUS?” 

“No! What do I have to be jealous of? Now let me go!”

“You know I can’t!”

“Go back to your blonde and leave me be!”

“Shut UP Katniss!” She stared at him, shock and fury all over her face. He pressed against her and leaned down to devour her lips. For a moment she fought against it but when he bit down on her lip and tugged it into his mouth, she let out a little moan. He moved her hands above her head, held tightly in his hand and moved the other hand down to massage her breast, which he could clearly see through the soaked shirt. At the same time, he moved his lips to her neck and bit savagely. She let out a cry and rotated her thighs. Peeta trapped her body with his as he sucked at her neck, his hand pinching and squeezing her nipples and causing her to tremble. His hand went to the hem of her shirt and he yanked it upwards, bearing her covered breasts to him. She wore a simple cotton bra that pushed her breasts up and he yanked the bra down, exposing her flesh. He took one into his mouth and sucked, his tongue swirling around her sensitive nipple. She moaned and tossed her head back as he moved onto the other one. He tugged one between his teeth and she let out a hiss. His hand quickly had her jeans undone and dove between the cotton layers to find her wet and wanting. His fingers stroked her slit before plunging in; she would have buckled against him if he hadn’t been holding her against the wall. She moaned but bit her lip to try to keep her moans in.

“Yeah, moan for me baby. Do you want this? Do you want me to fuck you with my fingers? Or do you want more than that?” She merely whimpered and he smirked as he increased his pace.

“I think you want more, Katniss. Tell me what you want. Do you want my tongue inside you? Do you want to come all over my mouth?”

“Fuck…Peeta…”

“You are so fucking hot, Katniss. So fucking perfect. Why would I ever go to anyone else, when I have this waiting for me at home? Oh fuck baby, you are so wet for me!” His hands were starting to bruise her wrists but she could have cared less. She thrust her hips against him and he pulled his hand away, earning a disappointed whine. But he stuck his fingers in his mouth and sucked, giving her a smirk. Without a word, he swept her into his arms and carried her into the house. As soon as the door was closed, he slammed her against the door again, conquering her mouth. He yanked her shirt over her head and threw it aside, leaning down to take her breast into his mouth again. Her hands went to his wet hair and he held her in place as he lavished her breasts with his tongue. He leaned back and buried his hand in her hair, yanking her head against the door roughly while the other hand went back into her jeans. 

“Tell me what you want, Katniss. You’re not doing such a great job of communicating lately. And I would hate to get this wrong.”

“Peeta, please,” she whimpered as he circled her clit with the lightest touches.

“Please what,” he demanded. “Please leave you alone? That’s what you told me earlier.”

“No! Please…touch me.” 

“I am touching you.” He stopped his light circles and pressed down, hard and she bucked her hips.

“Yes! Like that, Peeta!” 

“Why should I, Katniss? You’ve been a bad girl. Bad girls need to be punished. Why do you think you deserve to come?” Something flashed in her eyes and he knew it wasn’t fright. If Peeta ever saw anything like fear in her eyes, he would stop this immediately. But he knew that she was enjoying his. She was wetter than she had ever been and he knew she was liking this side of him. She had told him, after all, he could be a bit rough with her every now and again. Well now his anger and lust had seen to that. Still fully conscious of his actions, he decided to see how far they could take it. He pulled his finger away and she whimpered.

“I’m waiting Katniss,” he growled. “You ran away from me. You told me to leave you alone. You’re sending mixed signals and you know I hate mixed signals.”

“Peeta, stop it, you know I just--“ but she gasped as he pressed on her clit again and continued the circles, her breathing getting heavier.

“Just what, Katniss?”

“Peeta! Ooooh god.” He pulled his hand out of her jeans and she let out another frustrated cry. Her hand dove into her jeans and his eyes flashed.

“No you don’t.” He grabbed her hands and slammed them by her side, holding her wrists tightly. “You don’t get to do that. That is my job. Only I can make you come. Only I   
hold that power. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes,” she mumbled.

“Say it.”

“You are the…only one,” she said with a hitched gasp as he moved his knee right between her legs.

“The only one what?”

“Who can make me come!” 

“And you’re the only one who can make me come, Katniss. No one else. There’s never been anyone else and WILL never be anyone else.”

“I know that Peeta--“

“Do you? Because you got jealous of a random woman that I would never, in a million years, look at twice. You think I want to fuck her? Think again. The only pussy I want to be inside is yours, Katniss.” She moaned and he pressed against her, leaning in to kiss her neck. “You are the only woman I ever want moaning my name. I am always thinking of my hands on you, your tongue on my cock, or me fucking you senseless while you’re screaming my name!” He yanked her jeans and underwear down around her ankles and she kicked them aside. His hand moved back between her legs and he curled a finger inside her. His thumb went to her clit and he rubbed fiercely. 

“Oh god, Peeta. Peeta!” She was so close and he sucked at her neck.

“That’s it, Katniss. Come for me baby.” Her hips jerked and she moaned his name as she came, her head lowering to rest on his shoulder. He removed his hand from her wrists and stripped his own clothes away. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his throbbing cock, groaning when she squeezed him. He moved his hand to her hair and forced her to her knees in front of him.

“Yes baby,” he moaned as she leaned in to lick him. “Suck my cock, Katniss. I want to come in your mouth and see you swallow every fucking drop.” His head dropped back as she took him deeper and he thrust his hips, grinding against her face. 

“Fuck yes, Katniss! Only you can make me feel like this. Your lips wrapped around my cock…fuck! You look so perfect on your knees like this!” She wrapped her hands around his shaft and pumped up and down while she took him against her throat and hollowed out her cheeks. 

“Shit baby, yes! I’m so close…you are so perfect! You are….fuck…everything I could ever want!” He grabbed her hair and wound his fingers around the dark strands as she increased her pace, finally bringing him to his peak and he cried out her name as he exploded in her mouth. She swallowed everything he offered and moved to stand up but he stopped her and pushed her back to her hands and knees. He buried his face between her legs and held her thighs open. His tongue darted in and out, making her scream and whimper. His fingers plunged into her again, pumping in and out as he continued to lick and suck and completely devour her. She threw her head back and screamed his name so loudly, he was sure they would hear it in the Capitol. Her orgasm lasted several minutes and she nearly collapsed to her stomach but his arms were under her and he lifted her and carried her to the living room. He placed her on the couch, spreading her wide and buried his tongue inside her again. Still overcoming from her last orgasm, she gasped and threw her head back, her hands burying themselves in his golden locks. He pulled away as he pumped his fingers in and out and he smirked down at her.

“I want to make you come so many times tonight that you forget your fucking name. You’re going to scream my name so loudly, I want Gale to hear you in 2!” She gasped and tried to inch away from him but he held her down while he continued his attack.

“Peeta,” she whimpered, already close to another one. 

“Fuck! You feel amazing. I can’t wait to be inside you again. Are you close, Katniss?” She nodded and he pulled away, licking his fingers before he moved to straddle her. He slid into her and threw her leg over his shoulder as he pounded into her. Her fingernails dug into his arms and he leaned her back, burying himself deeper. 

“Shit Katniss…you feel…incredible,” he panted, “Never…want…to be…without you. Don’t ever…leave me.”

“I couldn’t, Peeta. Oh god, YES!” He continued to slam into her, his fingers pressing into her thighs and his eyes went to hers. They were darkened with lust and love and Katniss reached up to stroke his cheek. That proved to be his undoing. He leaned down to kiss her and she moaned against his lips.

“I love you, Katniss. So fucking much.” 

“I--OH fuck YES,” she squealed as he pressed his thumb down on her clit and his cock pulsed inside her, drawing out her own orgasm. They came together and he collapsed on top of her sweaty chest, their bodies melding together. He slid out of her and off her heaving breasts to lay beside her, drawing her close. 

“I love you too,” she whispered, catching her breath. 

“Ok. So now do we need to talk?”

“I think we’re covered,” she laughed and he shook his head, leaning in for a kiss.

“Seriously Katniss. Why were you so upset?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “Maybe seeing this perfect girl just flirting with you. And what she said…I know I look better than I did when I returned from the Capitol but I don’t feel enough for you anymore. My body is covered in scars. Add these baby scars to the list. I haven’t lost the weight yet so I feel like a fat, tired blob and I’m just so tired all the time. This isn’t who I am, Peeta! When I was carrying her, I was ok with it. I managed, because I knew I couldn’t help it. But it’s been nearly a month and I’m not improving. I haven’t wanted you to see me like this. I don’t feel beautiful. My hair’s a mess, there’s circles under my eyes. And here comes this gorgeous woman just willing to do anything for you. Why would you choose tired grumpy Katniss over that?”

“Because I fell in love with tired grumpy Katniss.” Peeta cupped her chin and made her look into his eyes. “Katniss, you’re crazy if you think any of this changes my love for you. Or my longing for you. And I wish you had told me this sooner. I would have slammed you against the wall and fucked you senseless weeks ago,” his eyes sparkled mischievously and she couldn’t help but laugh. He gathered her in his arms and kissed her temple. “Katniss, I love you. Plain and simple. Everything you are, all the baggage that you come with. I never want anyone else. When you get jealous of another girl, it’s like saying you don’t trust me to continue to love you for the rest of my life. Believe me when I say, I am happier than I ever thought I would be. But sweetheart, take a look at me.” He moved to stand before her and she stared up at him. He smiled down at her and took her hand, pulling her to her feet. Taking her hand in his, he brought it to his skin and ran it over his own scars. 

“You see? We’re the same. We were both victims of the Capitol’s terror. These scars are a part of you. They’re a part of us. Did your opinion of me change when you saw mine?”

“Of course not! I’ve always thought you were extraordinarily handsome. Nothing has changed.”

“Then why would you think your scars change how beautiful you are? You’ve changed, Katniss. You never wanted to be a mother or a wife and now you’re both. And you’re doing amazing at both. But don’t sacrifice your identity for me or for Willow. We love you. We will always love you and nothing will ever change that.” He wrapped his arms around her, his palms pressing against her back and he kissed her deeply. He lowered them back to the couch and Peeta reached down to run his fingers over her birth scars. She flinched but he leaned down to kiss them tenderly and he smiled up at her.

“These are the most beautiful,” he whispered. “You gave me a daughter and these scars prove that. It’s like artwork. Have you ever heard of a mosaic, Katniss?” When she shook her head he leaned in and trapped her between his arms. “A mosaic is a piece of art made from little pieces of glass or stone. Something has to be destroyed to create something beautiful. And even though those tiny pieces are damaged at first, they form together to create the most beautiful piece of art anyone could see. If I could, I would paint you everyday to show you how beautiful you are. How I see you.” He leaned down to kiss the incision scar again and his tongue trailed lightly across the skin. Katniss shivered and bucked her hips and Peeta gave her a wicked grin. 

“I think my girl on fire is ready to go again. Can we make it to four orgasms in less than an hour?” 

“With your talents, you shouldn’t even have to ask,” she said with a grin. Peeta leaned in and licked his tongue up and down her slit, keeping his touches light and teasing. He reached up and massaged her breasts in his calloused hands and he leaned in further so she would spread her legs more. When he buried his head in between her legs, she let out a cry and her fingers tugged at his curls, holding him in place. She nearly closed her legs, trapping him in place but he put a hand on her thigh to hold her still and he glanced up at her, moaning when he saw her head tilted back, her eyes half-closed, her teeth biting her lip, and her own hands working at her breasts. The vibrations sent chills down her spine and she bucked her hips. His tongue teased over her clit and she whimpered, looking down at him. Her eyes met his and she became a puddle underneath him. He rose up and climbed onto the couch, gently turning her around. He slid into her from behind and dug his fingers into her hips as he slammed into her. She gripped the couch cushions with white knuckles and raised one hand to rub at her breast. Peeta reached around and ran his thumb over her clit, rubbing in circles to the time of his thrusts. She reached around to grip his thighs as she rode out her orgasm. Peeta continued to thrust against her and when he felt himself seizing up, he pulled out and turned her around. His hand pumped at his cock and Katniss watched him eagerly.

“Let me come on your breasts,” he panted and when she nodded, he moaned and exploded. The pearly drops covered Katniss’s having breasts and he collapsed onto the couch beside her. She leaned back and ran a finger along her breast, then stuck it in her mouth and sucked. Peeta let out a deep shudder.

“Katniss you are without a doubt the most perfect woman on this planet.” She giggled, still trying to catch her breath.

“As long as I am perfect to you, I don’t care how others see me.”

“I’ve always felt that way. I tried to tell you that during the Games!” He ran into the kitchen to get his shirt, then set to cleaning her off before he pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her passionately. She remembered when he had called her pure, what he had said afterwards. “For the Capitol you’re pure. But for me, you’re perfect.” 

She sighed and closed her eyes, feeling her heart start to slow down. He stretched out and laid his head on her breast, his curls tickling her nipples and his warm breath making her skin prickle. 

“God I missed you,” he sighed.

“I missed you too,” she said as her fingers played with his long hair.

“Please don’t withhold sex for that long ever again,” he said teasingly. “I don’t think I could bear it.”

“I’ll try to remember that,” she said laughing. 

“If you ever need a reminder of how perfect I think you are, just ask. I’d be glad to take you against the wall and show you.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind as well.”

“You do that,” he yawned. “What do you say to a shower before we go get our daughter?”

“Might be a good idea. Otherwise Haymitch and Johanna may know what we’ve been up to.” He chuckled and kissed her forehead.

“Baby, the sounds of your screams definitely told them what we’ve been up to.”

 

Their skin pink from the warm water, they both pulled on their coats and stepped out into the cold. 

“Johanna was right. It is too cold here! We should think about a vacation ourselves.” “Maybe after the Bakery calms down a bit,” he said uncertainly, draping his arm around her. “I honestly didn’t expect it to be so popular.”

“Why? People loved your father’s baking. And you’re loved by Panem! We should call Cressida back here to introduce her to Willow and show her the Bakery! She would love it.”

“I guess we could,” he said, glancing sideways at her. “You know that might make us even busier.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“I don’t know, Katniss, I just don’t want you to get upset that I’m not at home much. I want to be able to take care of you and Willow. And I guess…I didn’t expect the Bakery to be this popular. It’s kind of scary, to be honest.”

“Peeta,” she stopped him and took his face between her cold hands. “You have come so far and it’s such a tribute to your entire family what you’re doing. People aren’t just seeing the Bakery re-built. They’re seeing you rebuilt. Whole and healthy and happy. It’s another positive part of the rebuilding of the districts. Didn’t you hear what Sae said when our interview aired? It gives everyone hope because they know what hell we went through. It gives them hope that everyone can recover.” He leaned down and wrapped his hands in his hair.

“I love you,” he breathed against her lips before kissing her. 

“Hey! That’s going to make me run back to District 4 already,” said a shrill voice from the porch. Peeta chuckled and he and Katniss walked up the steps of Haymitch’s porch to find Johanna cradling Willow.

“She’s pretty perfect, you two,” she said softly, unable to look away from Willow’s topaz orbs. 

“We know,” Katniss and Peeta said together. Johanna slid the baby into her father’s arms and she watched Peeta gaze down at his daughter. She couldn’t help but smile.

“Looks like things worked out, brainless.” Katniss smiled and nodded and Johanna glanced back at the door.

“He’s already passed out. I watched the baby but I was about to bring her back over to you. Hoping that you’d two stop fucking long enough to answer the door.”

“We weren’t--“

“Oh please, sweetie. I can tell that the girl is ON fire and that Peeta holds the match! You two have that wonderful after-sex glow. Hey, you never mentioned if you received my gift or not.” She raised a brow, looking from one to the other. Katniss mumbled something and Peeta tried to subtly nod. Johanna giggled.

“Please at least tell me it went to good use.”

“It went to very good use, Johanna,” Peeta muttered. Katniss gave him a scandalized look but he merely shrugged and looked away. Johanna patted Katniss’s cheek.

“Baby girl, I told you he would accept your apology if you were dressed in that.”

“She’s had nothing to apologize for, Jo,” Peeta cut in before Katniss could answer. “Nothing at all.”

“Wow. You have a good one there, girl on fire. Don’t let him go. Or that after-sex glow you’re both wearing.” 

Even though they were both blushing, they nodded and hugged their friend.

“Call me if you ever want any pointers,” Johanna hissed in Katniss’s ear. “Especially if you really want to make him--“

“Good night Jo,” she said hurriedly, going even redder. 

“Night Brainless! Night Bread Boy! Expect me at the Bakery bright and early!”

“To work or to eat,” Peeta chuckled.

“I rather liked getting my hands dirty today,” she said with a wink. “If you need an extra hand, I can help out. If not, I’ll keep the cinnamon buns. Those were sinfully delicious.”

“My crew is supposed to start in the morning but I’d be glad for the extra hand. I’m not expecting Katniss and Haymitch to be there again but I am planning to cook dinner for everyone tomorrow night. So Katniss I was wondering if you’d be able to go into the woods tomorrow and get some fresh game?” Her eyes lit up and he smiled. He still knew her better than she knew herself.

“Sounds good. And if blondie big boobs comes back in, I’ll give her a piece of my mind for you.” Katniss was about to speak when Peeta shook his head.

“No sense in being rude to the customers, Jo. Katniss knows good and well she is and will always be, the only one for me.”

“Ugh, gag me,” Johanna said, rolling her eyes. Peeta kissed Katniss on the top of her head and wrapped his arm around her waist. “I’ll still keep an eye on him for you.”

“Thanks but there’s no need. I trust him.” Peeta smiled and tipped her chin up so he could lean down and kiss her. 

“Ok, see you in the morning then,” Johanna said cheerfully before walking back into Haymitch’s house. 

“How can she stand the smell of that place,” Katniss said in a low voice as they walked back to their own house. 

“I don’t imagine it bothers her. Her conditions in the Capitol…weren’t ideal.” Katniss looked quickly at him but saw him gazing down at their daughter and she bit her tongue. 

They put Willow down for bed and smiled when she went straight to sleep. He grasped her hand and they went into the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and removed his prosthetic, tossing it aside before he turned to her and yanked off his shirt. His hands went to the hem of her shirt and he tugged it over her head and threw it aside. She shimmied out of her pants and they joined the pile of clothes before she climbed into bed. Grinning broadly, he shucked his pants away as well and slid under the covers in just his boxers. Without a word, they wrapped each other in an embrace and went off to sleep.


	51. Chapter 51

“I need about twenty cinnamon buns for everything I did,” Johanna said loudly as she rubbed her hands together.

“You already ate four! And what else did you do, besides gawk at Renzo and make him uncomfortable?”

“I’m telling ya, District 12 knows how to make ‘em! Renzo, Gale, you!” Peeta’s hand shook as he locked up and he turned back to her and shook his head.

“You’re insane.”

“So I’ve been told. More than once. But you’re way past me. Does it bother you to hear there are other guys that are just as hot as you?”

“Jo, we are not having this conversation,” he said as he tucked his keys in his pocket and started toward home.

“Why not? You get mad at Katniss when she gets jealous of girls who are prettier than her. But then you don’t want to hear me talk about other guys?”

“I don’t…it’s not even about that! And there’s no one more beautiful than Katniss, alright? So talk about whoever you want. I could care less.” 

“Ah. You tensed when I brought up the cousin.” 

“He’s not her cousin,” he said through clenched teeth. 

“And he’s not here, either! Why are you still jealous of him?”

“I am NOT jealous of him!” Johanna scoffed.

“Right. That bitter tone just screams “over it”.”

“Lay off it, Johanna.”

“She picked you, Peeta. Why are you still letting him hang over your head?”

“I never said…you just assumed I snapped because I’m jealous. Maybe it’s cause I’ve never liked the guy!” 

“Because of what he meant to your girl!” Peeta fumed and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“We’re done talking about this. Are you TRYING to push me into having a flashback?”

“Of course not. But there’s still some things you two don’t face and you need to. What if he shows up one day? What if he just strolls into 12, wanting to see Katniss? You going to be able to control your rage?”

“Look, I’m going to say this once. And if you repeat it to Katniss, I’ll dump a bucket of water over you,” Johanna stiffened immediately and his face softened, only slightly. 

“Gale and I never got along. I mean I was jealous of the guy before I even knew him. Then when Katniss and me got engaged and I had to watch…but during the War, I knew   
he was helping us both. I learned to respect him. He encouraged me to keep fighting and I was grateful for it. I was grateful to him for taking care of her. But something changed between them and I still don’t know what it is. I don’t want to ask. and I don’t want to set her back. She’s improved so much, you should have seen her, Jo. When I first came back and saw her. My heart stopped. She looked so…lost. Completely gone. And yet when I pulled her into my arms, it was like we were both just automatically the two people we once were. Before the Reaping. Her arms are the safest and most terrifying place to be. Because I’ll never feel like I’m enough for her. I don’t feel second-best to Gale anymore, thank God. But I know something went down between them and I’m afraid to ask her if she misses him.” 

“Peeta, I told her that you guys were destined to be back in 13! I see how far you have both come, believe me, I’m impressed. And I love that she can make you glow and you do the same thing for her. But skeletons in the closet are discovered after some time, you know.”

“That is a terrible metaphor.”

“Oh shut up. I just mean, you can’t have secrets. Everything needs to be laid out on the table. If something bothers you, you’ve got to talk to her about it, you follow me?”

“I know, Jo. I just…don’t want to think about setting us back. We’ve been doing really great. Aside from nightmares and a few jealous moments, we’re perfect. I don’t want to do anything to mess that up.” Johanna dropped it and they were silent as they walked back home, lost in thought. When Peeta opened the door, the delicious smell of roasting meat met them and they both salivated. Peeta took Johanna’s coat and hung them both up on the rack. Katniss’s face peered around the corner and lit up.

“Hi!” He gaped as she hurried toward him, Willow nestled in her arms, and she leaned up to kiss him.

“What…what’s going on?”

“Well Haymitch and I decided that we haven’t really properly congratulated you on the Bakery so we made dinner instead. Here, take her while I finish up?”

“But-“ Peeta started, scooping up his daughter. “But I was going to make you all dinner, as a thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank us,” she purred. “We have never been prouder of you. And want to show you how amazing you are.” 

“Hey! I’ve been slaving at the Bakery for two days,” Johanna said with a pout. “I deserve kisses and dinner too!”

“Dinner I can provide but kisses you can go to Haymitch for,” Katniss said with a wink. Johanna pretended to vomit while Peeta and Katniss laughed. Peeta pulled her close and stroked her hair.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he whispered. She smiled and leaned against his palm before kissing it and hurrying back to the kitchen. 

“Do we trust her cooking? I don’t want to die tonight,” Johanna whispered.

“I heard that,” came Katniss’s biting tone from the other room. Johanna looked stunned while Peeta laughed.

“Hunter ears, Jo. And yes, she’s become a great cook. If you want to go upstairs and freshen up, I’ll go help Katniss.” She nodded and hurried up to the bathroom while   
Peeta joined his wife in the kitchen.

“Smells so good, Katniss,” he said, wrapping one arm around her waist and burying his face in her hair, which she had left down. 

“That’s not the dinner you’re smelling,” she said with a smirk, not turning to face him.

“Then let’s say my senses are in overload and we’ll leave it at that,” he whispered huskily.

“You’re not allowed to talk like that when our daughter is in your arms,” she scolded. He laughed.

“She can’t understand me yet. And I’ll live for the day when I kiss you in front of her and hear her say “ewww, dad!” 

“You’re already imagining her as a teenager while I’m over her trying to think of ways to keep her a baby forever.” 

“She has to grow up sometime, sweetheart. We can always have another baby. We’ll fill the house if you want.” She laughed but he caught the sadness in her eyes. 

“Can I do anything to help?”

“Can you keep an eye on the food while I change Willow? I haven’t had a free moment since Haymitch came over. And he just left to get changed.”

“Sure,” he slid the baby into her arms and kissed her before picking up the spoon and stirring the beans. Katniss carried Willow up to the nursery, cooing at her while she changed her diaper and clothes. She paused in front of the bathroom when the door flung open and Johanna smirked at her.

“What?”

“Nothing, brainless. Hiding something are we?”

“Um, what are you talking about?”

“Your new little friend. Found the box under the sink when I was looking for soap. Don’t want Peeta to find it? Honey, this thing could make sex with him even better you know!”

“Jo, what ARE you talking about?” Johanna opened the cupboard door and grabbed a little box. Katniss’s eyes widened in shock and her face blushed bright red as she stared at the box in her friend’s hands.

“I didn’t…where did that come from?”

“You mean you didn’t order this?” She shook her head faintly. She had never in her life owned a vibrator. And now that was with Peeta, why would she want one? Johanna stared at the box for a moment before she let out a deep chuckle.

“What’s so funny?”

“Bet bread boy bought it for you. To enhance the experience!”

“What? Where would…how would Peeta know to order one of…these? And why?”

“Hey most girls would thank their guy for getting one of these! They’re fantastic! And maybe he wants to watch you one night. Or stick it in you while he’s going down on you. Lots of things for the imagination, baby girl. Peeta isn’t as innocent as he seems.”

“We were each other’s firsts,” Katniss said in a strange voice. “He said…he said he’d never done that before…”

“Oh brainless that’s not what I meant! I’m sure Peeta never touched another girl before you. But he’s a smart boy with a great imagination. This is a good thing, honey! But if you are so scared about it, ask him about tonight.” She blushed even redder at the thought of confronting her husband about it. She shoved the box back under the sink and cleared her throat.

“Dinner’s ready.” 

 

Katniss was quiet during dinner. Johanna and Peeta kept shooting her looks, for completely different reasons, but Haymitch was close to being drunk and he took a swig from his flask.

“How was it today, kid?”

“It was great. We stayed busy most of the morning and lunch rush but around mid-afternoon we started to slow down. The rest of the crew is getting the hang of it. I think Renzo will do better without Johanna there distracting him.” Johanna stuck her tongue out at him and he smiled. 

“Did you have a good time in the woods, Katniss?” Katniss shook herself as she realized Peeta was talking to her and all eyes had landed on her.

“Yeah,” she said in a falsely hitch-pitched voice. She cleared her throat. “Yeah it was really nice to be back there. It’s definitely really cold but it’s good hunting season. I’ve missed it.”

“You should go out there more,” he said, leaning over to squeeze her hand. “I like how happy it makes you.” She smiled.

“Meanwhile me and the little girl played hide and seek,” Haymitch said with a loud belch. “She couldn’t find me for ten whole minutes.”

“Haymitch,” Peeta said warningly and Haymitch chuckled.

“We just fed the geese and sat on the porch. She giggles at the most random times. She sort of reminds me of Annie in that sense.”

“Our daughter isn’t mad,” Katniss said testily. Even Johanna looked surprised.

“I never said she was, Girl on Fire. Want to tone it down a little?” She huffed and sank in her seat. Peeta raised a brow but didn’t push the subject. The conversation became forced as Katniss fell silent again and Peeta waited impatiently for his company to leave so he could talk to his wife. 

Johanna and Haymitch waved drunkenly, having opened a bottle of wine to celebrate the Bakery’s success. Peeta, too, was feeling a little fuzzy and he grinned as he watched his friends stumble out in the snow. He locked the door and turned back to Katniss, who was clearing the dishes.

“Leave them, baby. I’ll get them tomorrow.”

“I don’t mind doing them.” He crossed the room and wrapped his arm around her from behind. 

“You smell delicious.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Am not! Only had one glass.” 

“That’s more than you usually have.” But he whirled her around and captured her lips with his, his arms snaking behind her and holding her close. 

“Peeta,” she said, trying to back away from his lips. “What has gotten into you?”

“What do you mean,” he said between kisses. “I’ve always felt this way for you. And I can finally show it. So please. Please let me show it.” She succumbed to his kisses and his hands crept under her shirt. She shivered as his knuckles raked across her flesh, moving up to cup a breast through her bra. At the same time his other hand moved down her back and beneath the waistband of her jeans. He reached down to grip her ass and she buckled forwards into him, feeling his hardness around her belly. 

“Forget the dishes,” he said as he tugged her lip into his mouth. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Can’t wake the baby,” she whispered, lust closing her eyes.

“We won’t. I can stifle your screams.” He scooped her up into his arms, turned off the light with his back, and carried her up the stairs. 

He gently tossed her on the bed and stripped his shirt away. He climbed onto the bed on all fours, making his way up her legs and his tongue darted out to taste her throat.

“Peeta,” she whimpered. “There’s s-something I want to ask you.”

“Mm,” he said, still lavishing her flesh.

“Oh god, you’re going to have to stop that.”

“And why would I do that,” he said with a wicked grin. She gently pushed him away and sat up. His brow furrowed in confusion and he sighed as he sat on the bed in front of her.

“Ok, what is it?”

“I f-found something today. Under the sink.” His brow furrowed in further confusion then his eyes widened and his jaw dropped, sobering immediately. 

“…oh.” She nodded and waited for him to continue. He sighed deeply and ran his fingers through his hair, making his curls messy and adorable. 

“Katniss, I--“ she cocked her head and stared at him, waiting. He cleared his throat.

“You have to understand…I bought that awhile ago. When we were having…problems. Since you weren’t telling me what was wrong, I tried to figure out ways I could help. I just thought…maybe you had a loss of sex drive. I bought it to help you relax, just so you could try on your own. I swear, I was just going to let you…experiment alone one night while I took Willow out. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I never got up the courage to give it to you. I can’t believe you found it.”

“Jo did actually,” she said coolly. “She thought I had bought it. Then guessed you had.” 

“Oh god,” he groaned, rubbing his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’ll send it back--“

“Go get it.” He froze, his eyes wide on her.

“W-what?”

“Go get it. Let’s experiment. Together.” Peeta licked his lips and Katniss’s eyes watched darkly.

“Are you sure?” when she nodded, he positively leaped from the bed and ran to the bathroom. Holding the small box in his hands, he sat on the bed and dumped the small green bullet into his hand. Katniss leaned up to kiss him and he forgot all about it; his hands went under her shirt and pushed upwards, throwing it aside. He leaned down and captured a nipple through her bra, while his hand slipped underneath her jeans. 

“Peeta,” she panted, throwing her head back and that snapped any restraint he may have had. He quickly had her naked in minutes, his clothes following closely. He lay her back on the bed and straddled her, his hardness teasing her entrance. His lips and tongue devoured every inch of her and made their way to her aching breasts. She arched her back, shoving more flesh into his eager mouth as his fingers found the wetness between her legs.

“God Katniss, you’re already so wet.” She mewed a little and spread her legs wider as his fingers slid up and down teasingly. She thrust upwards and he gave her a wicked grin as he moved between her legs. The sight of his blonde head between her thighs always drove him crazy but his bright blue eyes watching her was what did it for her. She stifled a cry as his tongue touched her sensitive flesh and her ankles rested on his shoulders. Lapping up her essence, Peeta reached beside him for the bullet and flicked it on, bringing it to her clit. She let out a stream of curse words as the vibrations coursed through her and he leaned down to stroke her with his tongue. 

“Oh my FUCK, Peeta!” He grinned against her skin as he flipped the switch to the next speed. He moved it up and down with his tongue and she reached down and gripped a handful of his hair, making him hiss in pain and pleasure. He felt her nails scratch his scalp and he leaned back to watch her. Sweat poured down her body as her hips bucked with the bullet. His fingers plunged into her while the bullet paid close attention to her clit. Peeta switched it to the highest speed there was and she was screaming and coming harder than he had ever seen. She collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily, her hair a tangled mess. Peeta kissed the bullet and found the taste of his wife. He continued to lick it clean, raising a brow when he caught her eyes. She leaned up on her elbows and he smirked down at her.

“I think that’s the loudest I’ve ever heard you cry out my name. What happened to trying to stay quiet, hmm?”

“You’re an ass.”

“But I’m a cute ass, right?”

“C’mere.” She grabbed his hips and pulled him close, her hand squeezing his shaft. He threw his head back and moaned and her eyes dilated with lust. The sight of him like this in her hand was enough for her. She imagined she could go the rest of her life without her own pleasure, and just watching Peeta come by her hand and mouth. 

“Oooh Katniss,” he panted, bucking into her hands. A grin lit up her face and she grabbed the bullet from beside them. Bringing it to the tip of his cock, she turned it onto the highest speed. His eyes shot open at the sound but he felt it only seconds later and let out a grunt of surprise. She continued to stroke him while the bullet’s vibrations teased his tip mercilessly. 

“Fuck Katniss!” 

“That’s an idea,” she said, her eyes lighting up. His eyes darkened when she tugged him to her, bringing her legs around his waist and pulling him into her. He slid into her with no problem and she stifled a cry at the feel of him filling her up. She brought the bullet between them and they both let out gasps of surprise. 

“Ohhh, my god…fucking fantastic,” Peeta panted, his curls plastered to his head.

“Don’t stop, Peeta…please!”

“Wasn’t…planning…” he grunted as he started to thrust eratically, his hands finding hers in the sheets. She held the bullet close to both of them with her other hand and one little movement had them both flying apart. Katniss felt Peeta empty inside of her and she sighed in contentment as he lay his head on her breast. Her fingers worked through his tangled hair and he wrapped his arms around her, turning them both on their sides. 

“Best purchase I think I’ve ever made,” he said after awhile. She smiled sleepily and nodded. He opened his eyes and leaned back to stare at her. Her face pink from their lovemaking, her dark hair just a tangled mess, her lips swollen from his kisses, her lashes resting on her cheek. He leaned in to give her a gentle kiss and he squeezed her hip.

“I love you.” 

 

The next morning Peeta awoke with a splitting headache. He groaned and his hand went to his head as he stumbled from the bed and into the bathroom to search for medicine. When he returned, Katniss was already getting dressed and she gave him a knowing look and handed him a glass of water.

“Drink this. You’ll feel better. You just can’t hold your liquor, Peeta.” 

“I didn’t even drink that much! I just--ohhh,” he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Maybe you should call into the Bakery today. Or at least go in late.”

“I can’t, they’ll be shorthanded without me!”

“Peeta, they can manage a few hours without you. If needed, Johanna and I will go in while you take a shower and try to feel better.”

“But--“

“No buts. Just keep an eye on Willow. She’s still sleeping, by some miracle.” She gave him a quick kiss and quickly braided her hair. 

“Just bring her to the Bakery with you and I’ll bring her back home. Ok?” He reluctantly agreed and she hurried out, making her way to Haymitch’s house to get Johanna and 

Peeta watched the two girls head off the Bakery. Groaning, his palm felt warm against his forehead and he stumbled into the nursery to check on Willow. Katniss was right, she was sleeping peacefully so Peeta went ahead and showered, hoping the warm water would help clear his mind.

“I’m serious, brainless, a vacation might be really good for you guys!”

“Willow is only a month old. I can’t even think about leaving her yet.

“Fine, bring her with you. Annie and I can watch her while you two sneak off and have adult time. I know Peeta would love to meet little Finn!”

“It sounds wonderful Jo but I don’t think Peeta will want to leave the Bakery so soon.” Peeta opened the door on the girls’ conversation and smiled at his wife. She went to him, leaning up to kiss him then leaning down to kiss her daughter. 

“She’s been alright?”

“I put her down to play a little while I had some tea. She was fine. And thank you for that tea recipe. It helped a lot.” Johanna chuckled.

“Guess Bread Boy doesn’t drink much.”

“If one glass can do that to me, no more alcohol for me,” Peeta said, shaking his head. 

“Peeta, someone is out here asking for you,” Renzo poked his head in the door, ignoring Johanna batting her eyelashes. Peeta nodded and followed him out behind the register and froze when he saw the busty blonde leaning over the counter again. He glanced at Renzo to make sure he would not leave and he cleared his throat.

“How can I help you today?”

“Hi Peeta,” she gushed. “I was hoping I could get a cupcake order from you. They’re for my boss and his wife.”

“Of course, I’d be happy to do that. When would you need them by?”

“Tonight.” His face fell slightly.

“A dozen cupcakes for tonight? Alright, we can do that. If you’d like to swing by on your way home from work, we’ll have them ready by then. What flavor would you like?”

“Oh I don’t mind. You can surprise me.” Peeta frowned as he filled out the order form. 

“And icing?”

“You pick.”

“Ok and anything special on them?”

“Nope, just your deliciously perfect frosting.” He cleared his throat again.

“Ok, I’ll have those ready for you.”

“If you need any extra help, I’d be glad to stay around and give you a hand,” she batted her eyelashes and Peeta resisted rolling his eyes.

“Thank you for the offer but my beautiful wife is back there helping me right now.” 

“Oh,” she said, pouting just a little. But Peeta nodded, still smiling. 

“One moment. Katniss! Come here a moment,” he opened the door a little and gestured for her to join him. When she did, her eyes narrowed in on Diana, who giggled nervously. Peeta put the order form in her hand as his arm wrapped around her waist.

“Katniss, Diana here just put in a large order for cupcakes for her boss tonight. So that means I’ll need an extra hand here, meaning we get to spend several more hours working together.” Before Katniss could respond, he lifted her chin with his finger and planted a warm kiss on her lips. When he released her, he turned back to Diana, a large grin on his face.

“Thank you Diana, we will have your order ready for you when you come back.” Diana gave him a cold glare as she whipped around and stormed out of the shop. Renzo let out a whistle.

“Well that wasn’t awkward. Glad there weren’t more customers in here.”

“I wouldn’t have done that if there were,” Peeta said in a low voice. “But I wanted her to know, it’s pretty plain that I have eyes for one woman and one woman only.” Katniss tried to look cross but her face softened and she shook her head.

“You’re crazy.”

“But you love me anyway,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her again.

“I’ll just, uh, go see if Marco needs any help in the back,” Renzo muttered, hurrying out the door. Peeta chuckled.

“Guess we make people uncomfortable.”

“I should probably care about that. But I don’t,” she said slyly. Peeta grinned and kissed her again until they heard the ringing of the bell at the door. Katniss’s eyes widened as a tall boy with dark hair and grey eyes approached the counter.

“Hi Katniss.”

“Rory,” she breathed. “Wow, how are you doing?”

“Doing really well! Came back to 12 to find work. Gale wanted us to stay in 2 with him but Mom wanted to come back. I’d heard that the Bakery had reopened and wanted to stop and get something for Posy.” 

“Of-of course. Umm, Peeta. Could you find something sweet for little Posy?”

“Sure thing.” Peeta went back into the kitchen and Katniss tried to smile at the Hawthorne boy.

“How are all of you doing?”

“We’re doing alright. Like the rest of the country, rebuilding. You’d heard that Gale got a new government job, right?” Peeta came back out of the kitchen, holding a small paper bag.

“Here’s some sugar cookies for Posy and for the rest of your family. On the house.”

“Thanks so much, Peeta,” Rory said with a genuine smile. “You always were really kind to us Seam kids. Your dad used to trade with Katniss and Gale, didn’t he?” Peeta’s throat tightened as he nodded.

“So Rory, what are you and Vick going to do here in 12,” Katniss asked, desperate to change the subject. Peeta reached down and gratefully squeezed her hand.

“We’re not sure. We’ve heard the mines are shut down and not reopening. I don’t know what 12 is going to try to become but Gale tried to get me to stay in 2 so I could work for him. I don’t fancy myself a government boy though.” Katniss laughed and pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

“He misses you.” Katniss’s eyes flew to Rory’s and she felt Peeta tense beside her. 

“Oh, um, tell him…tell him I said hello.”

“He wrote you letters, Katniss. Lots of them. You never wrote back.”

“I didn’t even write back to my mother,” she said dismissively, though a warning tone had come into her voice. “I wasn’t doing too great when I first got to 12.” 

“I get that. But Gale was heartbroken when he saw your interview. That you had gotten married and pregnant and hadn’t even told him about it.”

“Rory,” she said patiently, “things are…complicated between your brother and me. But if he wants to talk…I’m here. He can come here or call me. But I won’t seek him out.   
Things happened and it’s…it’s difficult.” Rory sighed sadly and shook his head.

“Is that why you’re here? Delivering messages for your brother?”

“No. I’m here for cookies. Thanks again Peeta. It was good to see you, Katniss.” And with a nod of his head, he grasped the paper bag and left. Katniss seemed to sink with relief when he left and Peeta raised a brow.

“You ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” But Peeta’s hands went to her shoulders and he fixed her with a steady gaze.

“Someday you’ll tell me? What happened between you two?” 

“Why do you think something happened?”

“Come on, Katniss. I’m your husband. I know you. And I know you wouldn’t just stop talking to your best friend unless something seriously happened between you two.”

“Things…changed during the War.”

“You still left with him,” he said quietly. “That morning…when we all left Tigris’s, you were still with him. You can tell me, Katniss. I’d never judge you or--“

“Peeta,” she broke in and he was startled to see tears welling in her eyes. “I just can’t, ok? Not right now.”

“Ok,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. He swallowed his own fears and listened to her heart race against his.

“I love you, Katniss. I’m always here if you need me.”

“I know,” she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. Pulling away, he gently kissed her forehead and tugged her toward the back of the bakery.

“C’mon, let’s get a start on these cupcakes. You want to mix the frosting?” She gave him a weak smile. 

“You know me too well.”


	52. Chapter 52

Haymitch came by to get a loaf of bread and offered to watch Willow for the rest of the evening, which they eagerly accepted. They had fallen behind on baking and weren’t sure if they would have all the orders done in time. But when it was nearly time to close up, Peeta insisted that his crew go home.

“If you see Diana on your way out, tell her I will bring these to her personally. We still have almost an hour, I think we’ll be ok. But just in case.” 

“Take care, Peeta. Thanks for the help today, Katniss,” Renzo said as he tipped his hat to both of them on his way out.

“Have a good evening,” she waved them off. Peeta checked the oven and groaned.

“Peeta, calm down. We still have time.”

“They have to cool. And be iced. We don’t have THAT much time.”

“Peeta, I’m sure…that customer won’t mind. As long as you have a smile on your face when you hand them to her, she won’t care about the damn cupcakes.”

“Not if I have you on my arm when I present them to her,” he said, his eyes sparkling. She suppressed a grin.

“I can’t believe you did that. In front of a customer!”

“Hey, if it comes down to keeping a customer and you trusting me, you better know what my choice is always going to be.” She smiled and leaned up to kiss him, accidentally getting flour on his cheek. She brushed it away and felt warmth spread to her cheeks. He was hers. She was his. It happened as it should have. This boy--young man-- had had her heart ever since he had tossed her that bread in the rain. She just hadn’t realized that she had never gotten it back. She could never have given it to someone else because it wasn’t hers to give. Peeta watched her as she mixed up the frosting and when she caught his eyes, he grinned and went back to his work.

At five minutes til closing time, Peeta was frosting the last cupcake when they heard the bell. Katniss nodded and Peeta watched nervously as she went to greet Diana.

“Hello, welcome to Mellark Bakery. You’re here for your order?”

“Yes,” Diana said, looking taken aback at how civil Katniss was acting.

“They’ll be right out. I can go ahead and ring you up while Peeta is boxing them up for you.”   
Diana was counting out money when Peeta came out of the kitchen, the blue box in his hands. 

“Here you are. Half a dozen chocolate and half a dozen vanilla. In case your boss likes one more than the other.”

“You’re amazing, Peeta,” she said with a toothy grin. Peeta shrugged off the compliment as Katniss handed her back the change. 

“Have a good day,” Katniss said warmly while Diana’s face fell. She cast Peeta one last longing look before gathering the box in her arms and left. As soon as the door closed, they both burst out laughing.

“That was the cheesiest “have a good day” I have ever heard,” he panted.

“Hey, it got rid of her! She couldn’t find anything negative to say. I can be nice when I want to be.” 

“How about you be nice to me now that all the customers are gone,” he said playfully as he tugged her into his arms. She grinned up at him.

“Hmm and what makes you think I’ll be nice to you?”

“Because you love me,” he whispered before he leaned down for a kiss. She let out a little “mm” against his lips.

“You’re right. I kind of do, don’t I?” 

“Ouch. What do I need to do to bring that ‘kind of’ up to a ‘really’?”

“More cheese buns would help. And those triple chocolate cupcakes that sold out today! Those are delicious.” 

“Wow,” he gave her a pained look. “Just the baking, huh? You don’t mention my hugs or my kisses or my eternal love for you, or…” he waggled his eyebrow and spun her around so that his chest was pressed against her back and she could feel him hardening beneath her, “or how I can make you writhe and squirm with just my fingers and my tongue? Or how loud I can make you scream my name when I’m thrusting my--“

“I thought those were givens,” she gasped, cutting him off. He leaned down and moved her shirt to the side so he could suck at her neck and shoulder. His hands wrapped around her and came up to squeeze her breasts. Her head dropped back on his chest and her hands came up to grasp his hair. He spun her around so he could claim her mouth and her arms wrapped around his neck as he lifted her into the air. He carried her into his office and set her on his desk.

“Mr. Mellark,” she gasped as his lips latched onto her neck again. “We can’t do this--“

“I’m the boss, Mrs. Mellark,” he growled. “And I can do whatever the hell I want.” And with a squeal, she was flung on her back while Peeta spent the next hour doing whatever he wanted. 

On the morning of Johanna’s departure, Willow was squalling at the top of her lungs and Katniss had dark circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep. Peeta, too, looked exhausted as he squeezed his eyes shut and ran his fingers through his unkempt hair. The Bakery was still doing well and Peeta had hired two new workers but he was still working longer hours. And Willow was all of a sudden waking up in the middle of the night and both parents stayed up with her to try to calm her down. Johanna decided she had better get back to Annie and Finn and they stood under Haymitch’s leaky porch.

“Come see us in 4 soon,” she said quietly as she held her suitcase. Katniss nodded sadly, shifting Willow to her other arm.

“We will,” Peeta said. “Give Annie our love for us.”

“And Finn, too,” Katniss added.

“I will. He can’t wait to meet his Aunt Katniss and Uncle Peeta. I’ll be sure to give Annie the picture of Willow too. She’ll be so happy to see that you’re all doing well.” Peeta took Willow so Katniss could hug her friend.

“Take care of yourself, brainless,” she whispered. “And don’t ever forget how much you mean to him.”

“I won’t. You take care of yourself too.” 

“Peeta. Don’t forget what I told you. You’re both perfect together. Perfectly fucked up and that’s what works for you, alright? Don’t try to change it.” He nodded as he leaned down to give her a hug.

“And I’ll see YOU later too, cupcake,” Johanna crooned, making Willow stop crying for a moment. “Auntie Johanna will miss you.” 

“She’ll miss you too,” Katniss said with a smile. Johanna smiled and Haymitch picked up her suitcase, carrying it down the steps and putting it in the wagon to take her to the station.

“See you lovebirds later,” she called, jumping into the wagon. The little family watched her drive off and Katniss sighed.

“I’ll miss her.”

“Yeah. But we can visit her. A trip to 4 is long overdue, I’d say.” 

“We’d better get back if you don’t want to be late.” Peeta nodded and followed her into their house. While he changed for work, Katniss fed and changed Willow and sat on   
the couch with her, cradling her in her arms. When Peeta entered the room, both his wife and daughter were asleep. He smiled and placed the gentlest of kisses on Katniss’s head.

“My perfect girls,” he whispered before he grabbed his apron and took off to work. 

Aurelius insisted that routines were important to keep normalcy in daily life and so Katniss and Peeta tried to maintain somewhat of a routine. Katniss hunted and took care of Willow. She tried to help Peeta out at the Bakery when she could but she had taken to hunting for the rest of the district and would always deliver a fresh deer or turkey to the orphanage. 

Peeta baked and painted whenever he could. He hadn’t had any serious episodes since his last one right after their son’s funeral and he was glad to say he could successively stop them if he felt one coming on. Katniss had bought him a pair of handcuffs several months prior and he had only had to use them once. Their lives were, dare to say, somewhat normal. 

When Willow was a little over six months old, Cressida came back to 12 to do another interview. She apologized that she was so late but her new show for Panem news was booming and Plutarch kept her rather busy. Katniss hugged her tightly and Cressida beamed.

“You both look so wonderful! Katniss, look at you! I can’t even tell that you had a baby!”

“I’ve been hunting and trying to stay in shape,” she said with a smile, glancing down at her figure. Peeta’s eyes hungrily followed hers. It was true; she had lost the baby weight and had gotten her toned body from Quell training back. Peeta, too, was stronger with firmer muscles from carrying around flour and shelves and shelves of cookies. 

“Well you both look fantastic! And…oh my goodness,” her voice softened and her hands flew to her mouth as Peeta lowered the sleeping baby for her to see better. “She is just perfect!”

“We think so too,” Peeta said, smiling at his wife. 

“What is her name?”

“Willow.”

“Like the song! Oh, it’s so lovely.” Katniss smiled, a bit uncomfortably. She sometimes forgot most of the world knew nearly everything about her and her past. Peeta draped an arm around her and pulled her close. Pollux shot Cressida a thumbs up and she flipped her curly (red) hair and gave them beaming smiles.

“Just like last time, it’s just us, alright?” When they nodded, she nodded to the camera and the lights shone on them.

“Good evening Panem, do I have a surprise for you! Look who I am here with in District 12 right now! Say hello to the Mellark family! You all know Katniss and Peeta, the Victors of the 74th Annual Hunger Games and leaders of the Rebellion but I would like to introduce you to the newest member of the Mellark family, Willow!” Peeta held Willow up and waved her chubby arm. Cressida and Katniss both smiled.

“You can most certainly see the family resemblance! Look at those eyes! She looks just like both of you.” The couple smiled lovingly. “We last saw Katniss and Peeta before baby Willow was born and they told us how they were healing. So you two, how are things now? Any better?”

“It’s wonderful to see how Panem is healing,” Katniss said quietly. “We are healing right along with it. Some days are harder than others but we are used to fighting for what is important to us. So we will continue to fight for our lives as well as our daughter’s.”

“Now Peeta, I hear you have reopened your family’s bakery, is that right?”

“That’s correct, Cressida. My father left me the land that the Bakery was on and with Katniss’s help and support, I re-opened it right after Willow was born. It’s been an enormous success and I can’t tell you what it means to me to have the support of my friends here in District 12. It’s always comforting to hear people say they miss my family. I miss them everyday but feel a lot closer to them when I’m baking.”

“I’m sure your father is very proud of you, Peeta,” Cressida said with a kind smile. Peeta nodded, fighting his tears. Katniss’s hand covered his and she squeezed. 

“And Katniss, tell us what you have been up to.”

“Well, taking care of Willow is a full time job and I’m lucky I have Peeta to help me. But when I have free time, I like to hunt and bring fresh game to the orphanage. We have so many children who have returned from District 13 and they need families. I think it would be nice of the Capitol to set up an adoption program for all the orphaned children of the districts.”

“I think that sounds like a wonderful idea, Katniss! You should head it up. The Mockingjay Rebellion Adoption Program.” Katniss’s eyes widened and Cressida leaned forward in her chair.

“Yes! Now THAT is an idea! Katniss, why don’t you and I discuss the specifics after this interview? A marvelous idea, truly.” 

“Thank you, Cressida. That sounds great.”

“Wonderful. So other than the Bakery and this precious little girl, do you two have anything else going on?”

“Not really. Both of those take up all of our time and we are very happy with our lives.”

“Peeta, I have to ask. The country wept when we heard about your torture in the Capitol. How they made you forget Katniss. Tell us, are you completely healed or is there always going to be a small amount of tracker-jacker venom in your blood?” Peeta tensed and sat up straight in his chair. Katniss watched him warily.

“I underwent various methods of recovery after the War,” he said softly. “They would not have let me return to District 12 if there was the slightest chance that I was still dangerous. They said I had managed to heal myself and the amount of venom inside me right now is so faint, it can barely make a difference. Katniss has been nothing but supportive and loving and in these times I feel something from the hijacking lingering, she manages to chase it away. I am truly the luckiest man in the world.” Cressida gave the camera a little clap of joy and turned back to Katniss.

“Katniss, one last question for you. How do you feel about the memorials being erected for the victims of the War? Particularly, the one honoring your sister?” Katniss’s jaw dropped and Peeta’s eyes flew to her.

“I…I had no idea…I haven’t heard of anything.”

“Oh my dear, yes! The Capitol is creating huge memorials in each district to honor the fallen from the Hunger Games as well as the War. But a special one is being created in the middle of the square for the victims of the firebombs. You have not received any news?” Katniss silently shook her head.

“Perhaps the correspondence is just slow. I am sure you will hear of it soon. Well thank you both very much for your time. And congratulations on all of your accomplishments. I am sure all of Panem joins me when I say how happy I am for all three of you.”

“Thank you, Cressida,” Peeta said, scooting closer to Katniss. Pollux switched off the camera and the lights and Cressida jumped up.

“Oh Katniss, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you didn’t know yet…”

“Won’t you excuse us, Cressida,” Peeta said hurriedly. “You understand,” he lowered his voice and she nodded. He nudged Katniss to stand and she did, though she walked like the dead as she followed him back to their house. 

“Katniss?” When she didn’t answer, he sighed and gripped her hand.

“Katniss, come on. Snap out of this and talk to me. Please.” She looked up at him, her face blank. 

“Sweetheart, it’s a memorial. To honor them. To honor her. To honor her sacrifice.”

“Sacrifice,” she finally spoke, in a deadly whisper. “She should never have been there. She should never have been on the front line. Those bombs should never have been created!”

“I know, Katniss, but--“

“No! No, you don’t know!” She turned on him, her eyes streaming. “My best friend, Peeta! My best friend murdered my sister!” Peeta stared at her, his brow furrowed.

“What are you talking about?”

“Gale and Beetee were the ones who created those bombs! They weren’t Capitol designs. They were Gale’s. Gale designed and created the horrors that took my sister’s life. And when I asked him about it afterwards, he only said he didn’t know but that I would never stop thinking about it. As if he was upset that I could never stop thinking it! He was upset that I didn’t tell him I got married?! Where has he been all this time? He’s afraid, that’s what’s wrong. He’s afraid that I’ll always associate him with the bombs that killed her. So he ran from me. The coward.” 

“Katniss.” Peeta had no words to comfort her so he took her in his arms and comforted her the only way he knew how. With his hand stroking her back and his lips pressing soothing kisses to her temple, he whispered how much he loved her, how much he adored her, how perfect his life was now that she was in it. He lead her inside and helped her sit down. He gently lay Willow down on her blanket and made Katniss a cup of tea. When he turned back around, holding the steaming cup, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped.

“Katniss,” he whispered. Katniss glanced up at him and saw him jerk his head, and her eyes followed his. Their daughter was sitting up on her hands and knees and was starting to move, step by tiny step. Katniss gasped and Peeta tiptoed around the table to wrap his arms around his wife.

“She’s crawling,” he whispered. “She’s actually starting to move!”

“Oh Peeta.” They watched as Willow rose up and fell, but just like her parents, she was determined to keep trying. Peeta finally crawled onto the blanket with her and grinned at his daughter.

“What are you doing, beautiful girl? Are you crawling? Are you actually crawling?” Katniss swiftly left the room and returned a moment later, holding the camera that Peeta had bought. She knelt beside her family and snapped some pictures. Willow blinked and looked up at her mother, letting out a little giggle. Peeta couldn’t help it; the tears streamed down his cheeks as he grinned up at his wife.

“Why the tears, Peeta?”

“After all the horror we have faced in our lives, this is the best medicine I could ever get,” he said softly. Katniss snuggled close to him and kissed his cheek. Peeta scooped Willow into his arms and held her between them. For the moment, Gale was forgotten. The memorials were at the back of Katniss’s mind. Peeta knew it couldn’t last forever. That they would have to discuss it eventually. But for now, all he wanted to do was hold onto his precious family.

Katniss celebrated the day the doctor said Willow could start trying solid foods. Peeta came home with several jars of different foods and smiled at his wife as he put them away.

“Good, I was getting tired of sharing those with Willow,” he joked. She gave him a cold glare, which only made him laugh more. 

“Here, I forgot we got a letter from Annie.” She took the envelope and opened it while Peeta opened one of the jars and stirred.

“Peeta, look at Finn.” He leaned over and smiled.

“Wow. Annie is going to have to keep an eye on that boy for sure. He’ll be a heartbreaker like his dad.” 

“Oh you’re going to be one of those dads, aren’t you? Cleaning your gun when a boy comes to call on her?”

“I don’t own a gun, Katniss.” 

“You know what I mean.” He chuckled and nodded, kissing her temple.

“If you mean will I expect a young man to ask me before he takes my daughter out, then the answer is yes.”

“You’re imagining her as a teenager and I just can’t deal with the fact that she’s moving around on her own.”

“She’s only crawling, sweetheart. We can freak out when she starts to walk. Besides,” he added, giving her a hopeful smile, “we can always try for one more?”

“Well…I’m several days late this month.” He froze, his eyes wide. She shrugged, looking anxious.

“I was going to pick up a test on the way home today. If you’d like for me to wait for you?”

“I will close the Bakery early so I can be home before you do!”

“You don’t have to do that,” she giggled as he started pressing kisses all over her cheeks and neck. “We’ll do it after dinner. I won’t be home late.” 

“I love you. I love you so much.” 

“I love you too.” She didn’t tell him that she was less excited than he was about the possibility of being pregnant again. She knew he wanted more but she was perfectly content with Willow and didn’t think she wanted anymore. But she wasn’t going to admit this to him. Not when he was looking like she brought the sunshine with her. 

Later that night, after they fed Willow together and had put her down for bed, Peeta sat anxiously by her side while they waited the required two and a half minutes. He checked his watch and sighed.

“Three seconds to go.”

“Together?”

“Together,” he agreed, covering her hand with his. They flipped the test over and Peeta visibly sank low while Katniss let out a deep sigh. Peeta threw the test away then came back to the sitting room to find her sitting in front of the fire.

“You’re relieved aren’t you?” She turned to face him, her face calm and serene. 

“I--“

“Tell the truth Katniss. You don’t want another child.”

“Not right now, Peeta,” she said softly. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. But when he saw her reaching out for him, he went to join her and rested his head in her lap. Her hands stroked his hair and he closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Peeta. I know you were so excited and I didn’t have the heart to tell you how uncomfortable I was with the idea.”

“Katniss, when are you going to start telling me when something is bothering you?”

“I’m telling you now. I don’t think I’m ready for another baby any time soon.” He sighed and reached up to stroke her cheek.

“So maybe you should go on birth control for awhile. So that we don’t have any accidents.”

“I thought you would be angry if I suggested that.” He sat up and leaned in to kiss her.

“I’m not,” he said in a low voice. “You’ve already given me a lovely daughter. We can wait awhile before we try again. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy, Peeta. Happier than I ever thought I could be.” He bit his lip and grasped her hands in his.

“Really, Katniss?”

“Real, Peeta. I am truly the happiest woman alive.”


	53. Chapter 53

Peeta cleared his throat and looked around at his employees.

“So, that concludes this month’s staff meeting. Just one more thing! I’ll be out of town with Katniss for a few days. If you need anything, call Haymitch and he can get in touch with me, alright?”

“We already told you, everything will be fine,” Ari said, rolling her eyes. Peeta smiled sheepishly.

“I know, but--“

“No buts. Don’t you guys leave in the morning? Go home to your wife and have a great vacation!” 

“Thanks guys,” he said, shaking their hands and pulled his apron off and waved to them as he closed the door behind him. 

He practically ran home from work, too excited about his plans. When he opened the door, he smelled stew cooking and cooing noises from the living room. Katniss was lying on her stomach in front of her daughter, puffing her cheeks and making funny faces, making Willow giggle and laugh. Peeta smiled, watching them until Katniss sensed someone else in the room. 

“It’s just me,” he said in her ear as he leaned down to kiss her.

“Hey you’re home early. Was it a good day?”

“It was a great day. We finally finished those two wedding cakes and that birthday cake that Hazelle asked for, for Posy.” 

“Little Posy is growing up to fast! Like this one here.” Peeta sat onto the blanket and Willow crawled into his lap. He grinned over at Katniss.

“After dinner, we need to start packing.”

“Oh? What are we packing for?” 

“Better pack for warmer weather because I hear District 4 is beautiful around this time.” Katniss froze.

“District…4?” Peeta glanced over at her and grinned.

“Surprise.”

“But…what?”

“For our anniversary, Katniss. Johanna and Annie are going to watch Willow for a day or two while you and I have some time to ourselves on the beach.” 

“You’ve…you’ve been planning this-?”

“And you said I spoil all surprises,” he said smugly. Smiling, she cupped his chin and kissed him softly.

“You’re amazing.”

“I’m glad you think so. Does that mean you’re ok with going?”

“More than ok. I’ll start packing now! But what about the Bakery?

“I’ve taken care of everything,” he said with a smile. She leaped to her feet and ran up to their room. He laughed as he scooped Willow up and swung her around the room as he made his way up the stairs. He entered their room and watched Katniss throw her belongings into a suitcase. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Folding is involved, Katniss.”

“I’m too excited,” she said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “It’s been so long! And seeing Annie! And little Finn! And my mother even! Peeta, this is just…thank you.” She ran to him and nearly knocked him over with a kiss. Chuckling, he stroked her cheek and kissed her back. 

“You’re welcome.” Katniss let out a squeal and went back to packing. Peeta noticed Willow getting fussy and he took her back downstairs to feed her. Setting her in her high chair, he prepared her food and made noises like an airplane to get her to eat. She smiled at him as she accepted the food, her bright blue eyes gazing into his. He grinned and made faces as he continued to feed her. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Katniss enter the room and he tore his eyes away from his daughter to look over at his wife. She was pale and looked anxious. He frowned. 

“Katniss? What’s wrong?”

“I’m still in exile, Peeta,” she said softly, almost tearfully. 

“What’re you--“

“I was exiled to District 12. I can’t leave. I don’t have permission. I can’t…I can’t go with you to 4.” He set the spoon down and pushed his chair back, walking over to her and taking her hands.

“Baby, I told you. I’ve taken care of everything.” 

“But…how?” 

“Let’s just say, an old friend came through.” She watched him carefully, her eyes searching his. Peeta didn’t want to tell her about his conversation with Gale. He knew he needed to but he didn’t want to.

About a month prior, Peeta had developed the idea of going to visit Annie and Johanna in District 4. When he glanced at the calendar, he saw that their wedding anniversary was coming up soon.

“Perfect!” He had quickly dialed Johanna’s number and asked her what she thought.

“Brainless needs a vacation! And I think it’s a great idea! I’d be happy to watch Willow for you guys.”

“Jo, that’s great! I want to surprise her though, so don’t say anything to her, ok?” 

“Sure thing Peeta but…is she allowed to leave? I mean, she was technically banished there.” Banished. He hated that word. But she had a point. Aurelius had explained to him that the terms of her release were that she would remain in District 12 and was not allowed to leave without government permission. 

“She needs to get out of 12, Jo. Both of us do.”

“I’m not disagreeing with you. I’m just saying you need to come up with something. Let me see if I can talk to her mom tonight and come up with any ideas. I’ll call you in the morning.” 

“Call me at work, so she won’t suspect anything.”

The next morning, Peeta had taken the call in his office. 

“Gale,” Johanna had said. Peeta gripped the phone tightly.

“Come again?”

“Gale works for the government. He’s Katniss’s friend, well, he was. But I’m sure he will try to help. Mrs. Everdeen gave me his number. You should try it, Peeta. It’s all we could come up with.”

After staring at the man’s name and number all day, Peeta finally swallowed his pride and dialed the number. 

“Mr. Hawthorne’s office?” came a Capitol accent. Peeta swallowed.

“Hello, this is, er Mr. Peeta Mellark. Is Mr. Hawthorne available, please?” 

“One moment.” Peeta counted the silence until-

“Peeta?” 

“Hi Gale.” 

“It’s been ages. How are you? Is Katniss alright? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…nothing’s wrong, Gale. And Katniss is fine. Our baby is fine too.”

“I saw…I saw your second interview with Cressida. She’s beautiful, Peeta.”

‘Thank you. She’s our little miracle.” Gale let out a sound of agreement. Peeta took a deep breath.

“Gale, I’m calling for a rather large favor. You’re well aware that Katniss has been restricted to District 12. I was calling to ask if those restrictions could be temporarily lifted?”

“What did you have in mind, Peeta?” He quietly told Gale about his plans for their anniversary vacation and Gale was silent. 

“Let me make a few phone calls. It may not be a good enough reason, to allow her to leave but since you both are so…steady and well, I don’t see a problem with it. Is she working?”

“She still hunts and she provides food for the orphanage. She’s also starting to head up an adoption agency for the displaced children of the districts.”

“Sounds like Katniss,” Gale said fondly. 

“But she’s a full time mother. She helps me in the bakery but no, she doesn’t have a real paying job, if that’s what you mean.”

“Well, the board is going to look at how well she’s doing in everyday life. If she’s collapsed, if she’s still seeking therapy, how she’s doing as a mother, things like that.”

“The board?”

“When Snow and Coin were killed, before we voted in Paylor, a board formed with representatives from each district. They were the ones who voted on Katniss’s fate. There were some who…well, they called for her execution,” his voice was hard and Peeta’s fingers clenched and unclenched, “ but there were others who insisted on pardoning her and they agreed she could leave the Capitol unharmed if she was exiled to one location. When Paylor became President, she agreed with the board that Katniss stay in a secure location, for her safety as well as everyone else’s. Though Paylor is still President, the Board acts as her advisors and she likes to hear the opinions from each district. It also helps her keep tabs on which districts are healing and which ones need more help.”

“Does 12 even have a representative? I didn’t even know about this.”

“Haymitch is District 12’s representative.” Peeta’s jaw dropped.

“What?!”

“He’s never told you?”

“No, never!”

“Well, ask him about it. Paylor would have liked for you to be the representative but since you were still undergoing therapy in the Capitol, Haymitch was the next choice. I’m sure he will hand over the position to you in a heartbeat though.”

“No thanks. So what, I need to appeal to Haymitch them?”

“Haymitch obviously voted for Katniss’s life to be spared. He volunteered as her mentor to return to 12 and keep an eye on her, until you returned to her. At that time, the board was unsure if you would return. No one really understood hijacking and the therapy for it so Paylor did not want to count on you returning. Haymitch vouched for you and said that you would return to her one day. The day you went back to 12, Haymitch called the Capitol laughing.” Peeta chuckled and shook his head.

“So you think you could talk to Paylor and get the restrictions lifted? Just for a week?”

“Paylor is definitely on yours and Katniss’s side so I’ll do what I can. I don’t know if the board will go for it though.”

“Thank you, Gale. This will mean the world to Katniss.”

“Tell her…tell her I said hello. And that I miss her. And that I’m sorry.” 

“I will. Bye Gale.” 

After he had closed up the bakery, he decided to pay Haymitch a little visit. Since it was a little warm, he found the old man on his front porch, his hand closed around a bottle.

“Haymitch.” Haymitch grunted and looked up at Peeta, blinking.

“Hey kid. What’re you doing here?”

“When were you going to tell us you are on Paylor’s board of representatives?” Haymitch sobered immediately and sat up. Peeta crossed his arms over his chest.

“Uh, you want to sit down?”

“No I don’t. I want an answer. Did you think we didn’t deserve to know?”

“Of course you deserve to know. And to be honest, I was going to offer you the position when Willow gets a little older. Paylor likes you, and most of the board views you as a victim and not as a traitor, as Coin did.”

“So how often does this board meet?”

“Rarely. Paylor just likes us to come together and give her updates on how the districts are doing. She asks for updates on you two, as well. Katniss is considered a District problem since she did technically affect more than just her district. I’ve been giving her status updates and letting her know that both of you have improved dramatically.” 

“So what do you think the chances are of Paylor letting Katniss leave 12 for a while? Gale said he thinks she might be agreeable to it.” 

“Gale? When the hell did you talk to Gale? He was the one who told you, wasn’t he?”

“He was. I called him to ask him for help. I want to take Katniss away for our anniversary. But I know she’s legally supposed to stay in 12. So do you think you’d be able to help at all? Sway the board, I mean?”

“Let’s see what Gale says and I will make some calls to the board. It’s just a few days, right?”

“Right. Then we’ll return to 12.”

“I don’t see the problem with it. I’ll have Effie call the rest of the board tonight.”

“Effie?!” He hadn’t heard that name since the Rebellion. He felt guilty, never asking what had become of her.

“She escaped,” he said, nodding. “She’s back in the Capitol but acts as a liaison between the districts. Since Paylor refused to leave her own district, Effie remains in the Capitol and conducts business there. She wanted to come see Willow but she wasn’t sure how you and Katniss would feel about seeing her again.” 

“We’d love to see her again,” he said with a shrug.

“Well I’ll tell her. And I’ll let you know what they say.”

“Just keep it a surprise, Haymitch. I know she’s been wanting a vacation and I think it could be great for us.”

“Always the romantic, kid.” 

So Peeta had kept quiet until two weeks later, he received a call in his office. 

“Peeta? It’s Gale.”

“Hi.”

“Listen, I was able to pull some strings and make it happen. As long as we have exact dates of when you are leaving 12, you can take Katniss away for up to a week. There will be a government official at the station when you get back, just so he can report that you’ve returned.”

“Gale, that’s…this is fantastic, thank you--“

“But I have one condition,” Gale cut him off. Peeta waited, biting his lip.

“I want to see her.”

“Gale, you know that’s not my choice--“

“I know that. But you can help out. You can arrange a meeting. I just want to talk to her. And I have a feeling if you tell her I will be there, she won’t come. So I need your help.”

“You want me to trick my wife?”

“Peeta, please. You know how she is. She won’t talk to me. She refuses to answer my letters and my calls. I even asked Rory to deliver a letter to her and he said she didn’t look at it. I don’t expect her to forgive me, Peeta. But I was hoping she’d at least talk to me, after all this time.” Peeta let out a heavy sigh.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks man. Have a great vacation.”

“Thanks again, Gale. See you in 4!” 

Katniss stared at Peeta, feeling her throat had gone dry.

“Gale made this happen?”

“He pulled some strings for us, Katniss. I told him how much it would mean to you and he said he would make it happen. And he did. We get to leave for a week. I think it would be really nice if you wrote him a letter, as thank you.” She nodded, looking distracted.

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll just…finish packing.” Peeta watched her head back up the stairs and he sighed. He imagined she would be furious if he tricked her into seeing Gale. But he decided he would risk it. After all, they were getting out of 12 and would have some time with their friends after so long. Peeta sat back down across from Willow and picked up the spoon.

“How about it, baby girl? You ready to see the ocean? And your Aunt Johanna? Your Aunt Annie hasn’t even met you and she’s been dying to since you were born! You ready to leave 12 for a little bit?” Willow let out a coo and Peeta grinned as he wiped her face.

“Me too, sweet girl. Me too.” 

 

“Are you sure we have everything?”

“Peeta, we are going to be late! Come on!”

“I just don’t want us to get there and have forgotten something,” he said, glancing at his watch. Katniss rolled her eyes and glanced down at her baby.

“Your daddy is ridiculous, you know that?” Willow reached for her mommy’s face and let out a stream of gurgles.

“See? She agrees with me.”

“I am not ridiculous. Ok fine, let’s just get on the train.” 

“Hey,” she gripped his wrist and leaned up to kiss him. She reached around and her hand went to squeeze his ass, making him jump. She waggled her eyebrow and gave him a sly smile.

“I’m excited for this week.”

“So am I,” he said with a grin as he followed her onto the train. 

 

Neither of them had been on a train since the Victory Tour and they were more than a little nervous. But it was a fast trip and the announcer was saying welcome to District 4 in no time at all. 

Johanna let out a squeal when she saw them and flung her arms around Katniss. Peeta smiled and hugged her back and Johanna scooped Willow up and held her in the air.

“Hey little girl! Are you excited about spending a few days with your Auntie Jo? I’ll teach you everything you need to know!” 

“Oh that makes me so nervous,” Peeta said with a smile. A pretty young woman with short dark hair and bright green eyes approached them, smiling. She was holding a little boy with shaggy blonde curls and bright green eyes. Katniss gasped at the sight of him. 

“Finn, these are Mommy’s good friends from District 12. This is Peeta and Katniss.” Finn grinned up at them and Katniss’s heart stopped. Annie smiled knowingly and nodded.

“I know. They’re identical.”

“It’s wonderful to see you, Annie,” Katniss said, hugging her friend. 

“Let me see her…oh my gosh. She’s beautiful, you two!” Johanna cradled Willow in her arms and grinned.

“Doesn’t she resemble both of them so much?”

“She does,” Annie said, nodding. “Shall we head home then?” Peeta and Katniss picked up their bags while Jo held onto Willow and they followed Annie and Finn back to their place.

 

Annie certainly had a house fit for a Victor as well. It was a beautiful beach house with a second story and a hammock on the porch. Finn’s toys were scattered all over the yard and as Annie took them through the house, they could walk to the beach from the back yard. The sun was beginning to set and Peeta wrapped his arms around Katniss’s waist.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered. His chin rested on her shoulder and he let out a deep sigh that tickled her cheek.

“I wish I had brought my easel. I would love to paint this.” She turned into him and kissed him, her hands going to his hair.

“Do you want Johanna to help carry your things over to her place?” Katniss turned to Annie, who was now holding Willow.

“Where is her place?”

“Next door, Brainless,” Johanna said, her arms full of a writhing Finn, who wanted to be free to walk in the sand. “I’m staying with Annie for a few days while we look after Willow. You guys go and enjoy yourselves. There’s plenty of privacy and a beach access point close to the house.” 

“Jo, I can’t thank you enough--“

“Thank your husband. It was all his idea.” Katniss looked back up at Peeta, who was grinning broadly. Katniss took Willow and held her close, closing her eyes. Peeta watched her, smiling. It was the first time they were leaving Willow but at least they were right next door, in case Katniss missed her too much. Peeta gave the baby a soft kiss and stroked her head.

“Thank you again ladies. We’ll see you tomorrow for lunch?” 

“I’ll send Finn over to wake you guys up,” Johanna said with a wink. Peeta shook his head as his arm went around his wife and they walked around the house toward Johanna’s place.


	54. Chapter 54

Peeta couldn’t have asked for a more perfect location. The houses were spread apart and Johanna’s looked much like Annie’s did. There was a deck out back where they could sit and watch the sunset and the beach access was just a few feet down from them. Peeta dropped their bags just inside and looked around.

“Peeta, come look.” He went to join her outside and found her gazing at the sunset. There were so many colors, so many reds and oranges and yellows and Peeta yearned for his paints. He looked around, surprised at how private the houses were. Like their own little islands. 

“Want to go for a swim?”

“You don’t know how to swim,” she said, turning back to him. He grinned sheepishly.

“You almost kind of taught me.” 

“I don’t think that counts,” she laughed. “But yes, a swim sounds great. Let me grab my suit.” He held her there so he could kiss her and he grinded against her, wanting her to feel his longing for her. She gave him a playful smile as she moved away from him and into the house. Peeta turned back to the sunset and unbuttoned his shirt, dropping it onto the deck. He took off his shoes, socks, and his slacks and left them all near the house. He walked in his boxers to the edge of the beach and dipped his foot into the water. Sighing deeply, he walked further in, only slightly frustrated when his prosthetic started to sink in the wet sand. He quickly slid his boxers down his legs and stepped further into the water. The waves were low and he walked in far enough so that the water touched his belly button. The sun had set and the moon was starting to make an appearance. He heard the door shut and turned back to her. She gripped a white towel around herself as she ran through the sand, her dark hair flying behind her rather than in its usual braid. She grinned out at him.

“You didn’t wait for me. You seem to be doing great on your own.”

“Nope, I can still drown. Come keep me safe.” She opened the towel and he felt his breath leave him. Naked, she walked into the water and straight into his arms.

“Nice suit,” he said with a raised brow.

“I thought you would like this one more.”

“You know me too well,” he said before he cupped her chin and claimed her mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he lifted her into his arms, her legs going around his waist. He moved further into the water, feeling the waves start to splash their chests. She dropped to the sand and grasped his hands.

“Ok, time for your swim lessons.”

“Can’t we do these at a more appropriate time? You know, when we won’t get eaten by sharks.”

“You big baby,” she laughed and he grabbed her up again, kissing her passionately. 

“I love this place,” he said between kisses. “I love this moment. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she breathed, her hands gripping his curls. 

“You had enough of the ocean yet?’

“Why? Have you?” she said, laughing.

“I’m fine anywhere as long as I have you in my arms. But it was a long train ride and I was thinking of that comfortable bed upstairs.”

“You go on inside. I just want to stay out here for a few more minutes.” She gazed up at the moon and Peeta moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her once more. 

They stood in the surf for the longest time, staring out among the waves. 

 

“Katniss, look at the moon.” Katniss glanced up, then back at her father.

“Do you want to know what’s so amazing about that moon? It’s the same sight, wherever we are. We’re looking at the same moon that District 1 is looking at right now.”

“Even the Capitol?”

“Even the Capitol. They just don’t see what’s right in front of them. You do though, don’t you sweetheart? You always have.”

“I have eyes, Papa. Of course I see.”

“But you have eyes of wonder, Katniss. You can see things that others can’t. It’s what makes you a great hunter. Don’t ever lose that wonder, Katniss. You can go to other   
districts and explore and have adventures. Never just limit yourself, alright?”

“Papa, we’re from the Seam. We don’t have adventures. We won’t explore other districts.”

“You will, baby girl. I know one day you will.” 

 

Katniss blinked, the sound of her father’s voice bringing her comfort and peace.

“Where did you go,” Peeta said softly.

“I was just remembering…looking at the moon with my father one night. He said…he said I had eyes of wonder and that I would someday explore other districts.” 

“It’s like he knew, huh?” She nodded and tore her gaze away from the moon, focusing on her husband instead. 

“He said I can see things right in front of me. Tell me then, how I never saw you. Tell me how I never saw how you looked at me.” 

“Sometimes you can’t see things…because you don’t want to see them.” 

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”

“You said you were only focused on your family. On keeping your sister alive. You weren’t really paying attention to anything else. I would have been just another distraction. We found each other as we were meant to, Katniss. It wasn’t too late.”

“I know. I just wonder…how life would be if we had found each other earlier. Before the Reaping. How different our lives would be.” She kissed him and opened her eyes.

“If things would have happened the same way. Would there have been a Rebellion? Would 12 still be bombed? Would you have been taken from me?”

“There’s no way to know, Katniss, so don’t torment yourself thinking of it. Things happened the way they were supposed to. We can’t change it so why think of changing it? We’re here and that’s all that matters. Being here, with you. It’s where I’m meant to be.”

“I love you Peeta Mellark.”

“I love you Katniss Mellark.” He closed his eyes and grinned.

“What,” she asked with a smile.

“Just…I don’t think I’ll ever get used to hearing that. Your name with mine. It’s the third most beautiful sound in the world, I think.”

“Third? What’s numbers one and two?”

“Well the first is hearing you tell me you love me.” He leaned in to kiss her, his hands reaching around to squeeze her ass, making her squeal into his mouth. 

“And the second,” he said against her lips, “is you screaming out my name. Or that sexy pant when I have you on the edge. Both of them are pretty wonderful.” 

“Mmmhm. You want to hear both of those sounds tonight?” He smiled at her flippant attitude.

“Very much so.” 

 

Katniss’s eyes fluttered open at the sound of seagulls, something not really heard in 12. It confirmed for her that last night was not a dream and they really were away from 12 for awhile. Peeta had spent the whole night hearing his two favorite sounds, as he had brought Katniss to the edge three times before he finally allowed her her release. She glanced to the side and saw the bed empty. It was the first time in a long time that she had awoken before he had and she looked around, wondering if he had jumped into the shower without her. But he appeared in the doorway, carrying a tray, and her mind was instantly at ease. His face lit up when he saw her awake and he set the tray on the bedside table before he leaned in to kiss her.

“Good morning.”

“Morning. What’s all this?”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to make you breakfast in bed. Baker hours and mother hours just don’t mesh well.” She smiled as he brought the tray down on their laps and grasped her hand, bringing it to his lips. 

“Thank you for last night,” she purred. “It was…well, it was amazing as usual.”

“Thank you. I was kind of afraid that…well, that you wouldn’t be able to relax with Willow away from us.” 

“It did take me a little bit. But as you said, she’s right next door. In the best hands. And it’s hard not to relax when you’re doing that to me.” He gave her a wide grin.

“My mission in life, and I take it very seriously. I will make sure you are relaxed and content. No, happy. I will make sure you are always happy.”

“Well you have already exceeded expectations with that one.” She glanced down at the food and felt her stomach rumble. Peeta chuckled.

“Eggs, bacon, brioche, cheesebuns, and fruit. They have some delicious-looking fruits here that I’ve never seen. Here,” he picked up a piece of green fruit and held it to her lips. She let out a moan of appreciation as she took it into her mouth and nodded.

“That’s really good. We’ll have to get the girls to ship these to us.” He picked up the flower from the vase and put it behind her ear. 

“Your beauty never ceases to amaze me,” he whispered.

“And your sweetness never ceases to amaze me. You really are too good, you know. You don’t really belong in this world.”

“What’s that supposed to mean,” he laughed, picking up a piece of bacon.

“I haven’t met many decent people, Peeta. Your golden heart just makes you different. Even after you were changed completely, you managed to find your way back. No one else could do that. You’re an old soul who does not belong in this messed up world. We’re all deceitful, awful people and you just stand out in the crowd.” He took her hand and kissed it, his blue orbs locked on hers.

“Though I love hearing you say things like that, I don’t like hearing you call yourself awful. You call me wonderful but I needed to find someone wonderful to give my golden heart to.” 

“Me,” she said with a giggle that made Peeta’s brow raise in surprise. “You chose me.”

“I did. And I don’t regret a single moment.” Moving the tray aside, he moved to his stomach and started kissing her ankles, all the way up to her lips. 

“Peeta,” she said against his lips. “Is there…anything new you would like to try?” He pulled back, his brow furrowed slightly. She reached up to smoothe that space between his brows.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean in bed. This is a special vacation. I was just wondering…if you’d thought of anything you would like to try…with me, I mean…since your last purchase, I can’t help but wonder if there’s more you would like to…do…with me.” She was blushing and Peeta still thought it was the most adorable thing in the world. 

“Katniss, I have absolutely no complaints about our intimate life. I bought you that hoping it could help you when I didn’t think I could. I never meant…I don’t want you to have any doubts--“

“I’m not, Peeta. I’m just saying…we have a few days to be completely free. Throw our worries to the wind. If there is anything you can think of, you can tell me.”

“Well, is there anything you are interested in?” She bit her lip and shrugged but Peeta knew her better.

“Katniss?”

“There is something…but if it makes you uncomfortable, I more than understand…”

“Ok…” he waited patiently while her face went even redder. 

“Do you remember that day I ran away from you…and you came after me…”

“Yes,” he said slowly, watching her eyes darken.

“You were…angry. But passionate. You held me down and took me hard and fast. You cursed in my ear and you were rough with me. I…I sort of liked it. I don’t think I’d mind it if…if you tied me up or something,” she admitted in a small voice. Peeta bit his lip and looked worried. Katniss mentally cursed herself. Why did she have to ruin things that were perfectly good? Now he was going to doubt her, doubt himself. She shook her head.

“Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“Katniss…I’ve never really lost control with you because I don’t trust myself.” She looked up quickly and saw his eyes had fallen. His arms started to shake underneath him.

“I’m afraid I’ll lose control and revert to my hijacked state.”

“I trust you, Peeta. You won’t lose control. And if it makes you uncomfortable, forget I said anything.”

“I won’t forget,” he whispered huskily as he leaned down to nibble at her ear. “It sounds like fun and I think I’d enjoy it too. I just don’t know if I’m…mentally ready for that yet. Is that ok?”

“It’s fine, Peeta. What we have now, is perfect. I don’t need anything more. If you want to try something new, now is the time to tell me.” 

“I’m proud of you, Katniss. It wasn’t long ago that you were scared of intimacy and couldn’t talk about your feelings. You’ve come a long way.” She shrugged.

“You opened me up. I learned to trust you wholeheartedly.”

“And you don’t know what that means to me,” he said as he stole a kiss. He rolled off of her and popped a piece of fruit in his mouth.

“What would you like to do today? Do you want to explore the district? Go swimming? Fishing? Whatever you want to do.” 

“I saw some paddle boats as we were coming into the station. I thought that might be fun.”

“Sure! Let me just get dressed and we will go check on the prices.” Katniss grinned as her husband rifled through their clothes and dug out an outfit. 

“Peeta?”

“Hm?”

“Tomorrow is our anniversary. Do we have special plans made or do we need to find something to do?”

“Oh I have a few plans made,” he said with a devious grin. Her brow raised.

“Care to share?”

“Not right now, no. I promise, you’ll enjoy yourself.” She couldn’t help but smile as he went back to getting dressed. She cocked her head as she watched him, deciding she was in fact the luckiest girl in the world. Though she hadn’t wanted it--marriage and family had always made her flinch--she thanked her lucky stars that they had other plans for her. She moved from the bed and dressed quickly. She sat down in front of the mirror and started to braid her hair but she felt hands cover hers and her eyes found his in their reflections.

“Can I try it?” She laughed and nodded, allowing him to braid the rest. His tongue stuck out at the corner of his mouth as he concentrated, his nimble fingers picking it up quickly. He moved the braid to the side as she liked and she smiled at him in the mirror.

“Nicely done. I can’t wait to see you braid Willow’s hair.” He leaned in and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck. He moved her hair aside so he could suck at her delicate flesh and she let out a little moan. His hands moved down to cup her breasts, and he pulled her dress down so he could get to the covered mounds. He moved in front of her, kneeling between her legs, and pulled the cups down, his lips latching onto her breast, before moving onto the other. Her hands went to his hair as she tossed her head back and he tugged a nipple between his teeth. 

“Peeta,” she breathed. He glanced up at her, his eyes darkened with love and lust. He straightened her legs out in front of her so he could slide his hands up her dress. Giving her a devilish smile, he disappeared under her dress and she didn’t know whether to laugh or scream. His thumb grazed over her damp center as he leaned in to kiss her there. Moving her underwear to the side, he slid his tongue up and down her slit as he pumped his fingers inside. She clutched the edge of the stool and bit her lip, letting out a low moan that made him increase his pace.

“Oh god, Peeta.” Peeta knew her well enough by now to know she was close and he pulled away, popping his head out of her dress. His blonde curls were completely tousled and he grinned up at her as she shot him a glare.

“Peeta-“

“Something to think about while you go about your day.” Her jaw dropped as he jumped to his feet and attempted to flatten his hair. He laughed when he looked back at her, seeing the anger in her eyes.

“Peeta, please…you can’t--“

“I’m going to make you come so hard tonight,” he whispered as he lowered his face to hers, “and I want you positively dripping, begging for release.” She bit her lip and his lips crashed onto hers, his tongue swirling around hers and allowing her to taste herself on him. She clutched at his hair and he pulled away abruptly.

“Come on, let’s go check on those paddleboats.” He bit his lip to keep from laughing at the look on her face and he hurried from the room before her anger got the better of her.


	55. Chapter 55

It was an amazing day and Katniss was able to relax and enjoy herself. They took a ride on the paddleboats, they had lunch in a seaside restaurant in town, they went walking through the district’s streets, stopping in little stores here and there. Katniss bought the cutest outfit for Willow and Peeta was frozen in a cooking store near the dessert aisles. When they finally headed back, they saw Annie and Johanna walking up the way toward Annie’s house and they waved.

“How’s it going,” Annie asked, shifting Finn to her other arm.

“It was a great day! We’re just changing for dinner.” Peeta smiled and took Willow from Johanna and kissed her.

“Mommy and Daddy missed you today,” he whispered, blowing a raspberry against her chubby cheeks. She giggled and her little fingers touched his cheek. 

“Ok, no more baby time. It’s Mommy and Daddy time. Go to dinner and have a good time.” Katniss smiled and kissed Willow’s cheek before Johanna took her back. Peeta clasped Katniss’s hand and lead her back to the house. 

Their clothes were dusty and sweaty and Peeta suggested they change before dinner. Katniss muttered that she needed a shower and he caught her wrist as she turned to go.

“Don’t touch yourself while you’re in there, Katniss. I told you, I want to be the one to make you come.” She felt a pool of desire start to gather between her thighs but she scowled.

“I have more self control than some, Peeta.”

“Fine then. Don’t make me jealous of the showerhead either.” 

“Can’t make any promises. Jo says he’s a smooth talker.” Peeta grimaced and shook his head and Katniss walked to the bathroom, laughing. As the hot water rained down on her, she bit her lip, thinking of Peeta in the shower with her, the droplets of water dripping down his slender waist. Her hand moved down her stomach and between her legs but she froze. As frustrated as she was, she wanted to see Peeta stay true to his word. She knew he loved watching her come undone underneath him, almost as much as she loved to watch him. Her fingers froze just inches from their destination and she stamped her foot.

“Dammit!” She quickly turned the water off and toweled herself dry before she could allow herself to do anything. Peeta was still in the other bathroom so Katniss quickly dried her hair and pulled on a long red dress. She was braiding her hair again when Peeta entered, his khakis riding low on his hips and his chest bare. Katniss hastily turned back to the mirror, refusing to let her eyes wander across his chiseled frame. He grabbed his shirt from the bed and pulled it on, his eyes never leaving her slender figure. 

“You almost ready?”

“Mmhm. Can you help me?” She turned and held up the pearl necklace for him to attach around her. He smiled as he clasped it, glancing at their reflections. The pearl rested above her breasts, on a thin golden chain that he had presented to her after Willow was born. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You’re beautiful, as always.” 

“You look pretty handsome yourself,” she said as she turned to face him. He wore a light blue shirt that set off his eyes perfectly and a dark blue tie. He hastily stuffed his shirt into his pants and grabbed a belt to complete the ensemble. She slid on some strappy sandals and took his arm. 

“Where are we going for dinner?”

“Jo got us reservations for this nice place past the district.” He lead her outside where a boat was waiting for them at the dock. He helped her up the steps and nodded to the driver, and the boat took off. Katniss held onto Peeta tightly and he smiled as his arms wrapped around her, holding her protectively. 

When they reached the island, Katniss’s eyes lit up at the sight of the restaurant. There were tables and chairs strewn all along the sand and brightly colored lanterns   
gave off light above the diners. Peeta offered his arm and walked up to the podium.

“Good evening, may I have your name please,” the young woman asked with a smile.

“Mellark. A table for two.”

“Right this way, Mr. Mellark.” Peeta pulled the chair out for Katniss and waited before he sat across from her. The sun was starting to set on the water and they were both lost in the beauty of it all. 

Dinner was just as wonderful as the rest of the day had been. Katniss and Peeta talked and learned new things about each other. Peeta listened while Katniss talked about her father taking her hunting for her first time and Katniss laughed when Peeta told her about his first baking lesson. It was a perfect night and Katniss felt, if it was even possible, herself fall even deeper in love with him. She had never before felt this sort of connection and it both terrified and amazed her.

When they finished eating, they walked along the beach, their shoes in one hand while their other hands were grasped together. Katniss held her dress up while she waded in the surf and finally, Peeta suggested they head back. The boat dropped them off and Peeta tossed a few coins to the driver, nodding in thanks. 

They made their way up the stairs, Peeta remaining a few steps behind her. Katniss tossed her shoes to the side and yawned, her arms going high over her head. Peeta came up behind her, his arms wrapping around her and one hand covering her breast. He pressed against her and she could feel his desire pulsing through both of them. He buried his hands in her hair and brought his lips to her neck, panting heavily when he heard her low moans.

“I’ve been like this all day,” he whispered in her ear. “Ever since we left. I got off in the shower but got hard again, just thinking of you. It’s what you do to me.” She reached back and cupped him through his pants, his hips jerking in her hands. His hands came up to cup her breasts, then he proceeded to peel the dress away from her skin. He pulled the dress down her hips and let out a hiss of delight and surprise to see she had no underwear on.

“Mrs. Mellark, what a naughty girl. It’s almost like you were expecting something like this to happen.”

“I suppose I hoped it might,” she said playfully. He knelt in front of her, his palm making the lightest contact on her stomach, trailing his fingers down her pelvis and lightly stroking her slit. He looked up at her, his eyes meeting hers, before he leaned in to gently kiss her right above the little triangle of hair between her thighs. Her fingers twisted around his hair and he felt her nails scratching his scalp. He kissed around her bellybutton and her thighs, trailing lower to suck at her inner thighs. Her wetness dripped down her leg and he let out a deep moan as his tongue followed the path upwards and swiped across the origin of her arousal. He lifted one of her legs over his shoulder and leaned into her, his tongue delving into her folds and lapping up her arousal. She gripped his shoulder to keep herself from falling over and his fingers pressed into her thighs as he held her up. He looked up at her, his chin glistening and he grinned.

“What do you want, Katniss?”

“You, Peeta,” she gasped.

“You have me. What else do you want?”

“I want…I want to please you.” She fell to her knees and stroked him through his pants. She yanked his shirt out of his pants and slid her hand up his firm chest. She leaned in to kiss him and he fell back onto the floor, not deterring her in the slightest. Her fingers made quick work of his belt and threw it aside before she moved to the buttons of his khakis. He lifted his hips to allow her to slide them and the boxers down his legs and she let out a whimper as her eyes took in his weeping arousal. Her tongue started at the base of his shaft and slowly moved up, causing him to drop his head back on the floor. She licked and teased down to his balls, eliciting a strangled cry from his throat. He leaned up to look at her and her eyes met his. He bit his lip and leaned up, surprising her. He yanked his tie off and Katniss tugged his shirt down his arms. Peeta stood and took her hands in his, bringing them behind her and tying the satin around her wrists. She looked up at him, surprised but he gave her a loving smile and she instantly relaxed. She scooted closer on her knees and took him into her mouth. His hands grabbed her hair and he threw his head back as his hips thrust forward.

“Fuck Katniss, yes! God you look so sexy like this.” She stopped sucking and allowed him to fuck her mouth instead. At first he thrust too deep and made her gag but he pulled out, and leaned down to kiss her before she took him again. This time he kept his thrusts controlled and Katniss loved the way he looked above her. When she looked up to see him watching her, she felt the throbbing in her core get worse. Peeta pulled out and backed away, panting. She watched him confused and he grabbed her up, kissing her roughly.

“I don’t want to come until you do. Get on the bed.” With her hands still bound, she moved to the bed and knelt on the blankets. Peeta moved behind her, spreading her legs apart and leaning back to appreciate the view. Her wrists shifted nervously and she tried to glance over her shoulder. His hand traveled over her cheeks and down her slit and he leaned in to kiss her back.

“Fuck Katniss, you’re even wetter. Just from sucking me off.” 

“Mmm,” she moaned, too incoherent for words. He chuckled against her skin and she jumped as his palm met her cheeks. He delivered another blow, then leaned down and heard her let out a whining moan as his lips met her ass. He kissed her down her cheeks, soothing the burn, and buried his face between her thighs. She leaned forward into the sheets, her hands gripping his hair behind her. His hands went to her thighs and he spread her wider, his tongue thrusting in and out. He slid under her, so that she was hovering over his mouth and he thrust his tongue up into her. She let out a scream and threw her head back, her curls cascading down her back. Peeta gripped her thighs even harder and moved one hand to caress her ass. 

“Oh! Peeta!” She jumped as his pinky finger prodded her ass, pressing a little ways into her and withdrawing quickly. But when he took her clit between his teeth, his finger slid back in and she arched her back, causing it to sink deeper. He moved out from under her and untied her hands. He gently turned her onto her back and held her wrists over her head, once again tying them together. He lay on his stomach and held her legs open wide so he could resume his work. She gripped the headboard over her and squealed as his tongue thrust in and out. He propped himself up with one arm while the other hand thrust into her. His thumb made hard circles across her clit while his other finger slid into her backside once more. He leaned down and took her clit between his teeth, tugging on it slightly and making her writhe. 

“Fuck! Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeta!” She felt a rush of fluid leave her and collapsed to the bed, completely spent. He reached up and tenderly pulled the tie from her hands, leaning down to kiss her. His face was soaked and she pulled back, frowning. She glanced down between her legs and sat up, looking mortified. 

“Oh my god, Peeta…I’m sorry, I didn’t know--“

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, Katniss,” he said before he kissed her again. “And I can’t wait to see if you do it again.” He leaned up on his knees and stroked his hardness through her soft folds. She moaned, her sensitive clit throbbing. He slid into her with ease and gripped her shoulders as he pounded into her. He was already so close, it didn’t take long at all. Her second orgasm approached and he came with her, crying out her name. Spent, the two of them flung the soiled sheets to the floor before lying down, pressed together, and quickly reaching their dreams. 

 

The sun was barely making itself known over the water and Peeta sat on the porch, pulling the blanket tighter around him. He didn’t hear footsteps behind him nor did he notice someone sitting next to him.

“Those baker hours must suck for Katniss,” Johanna said with a scoff, making Peeta jump. “Sorry, didn’t mean to spook ya.”

“You’re up early,” he mumbled, not turning to look at her.

“Yeah, I don’t really sleep. I’m surprised Annie does. After all this time, I still can’t shake the feeling that bright lights will come on and peacekeepers will run in and grab me.” Peeta glanced at her and she shrugged. “Nightmares never leave you.”

“Tell me about it,” he said sighing.

“So spill it.” He turned back to her, his brow raised.

“What?”

“Whatever you need to spill. Come on, Peeta, I know you pretty well by now.”

“Our cells were side by side and that makes you think you know me?”

“Touchy. I know your screams really well by now. I know what they did to you. What you overcame. I know how much you and Katniss went through together, to finally be back together. I know Katniss’s fears and doubts and I know your insecurities and your hopes. So yeah, asshole, I think I know you pretty well.” He sighed and rested his chin on his knees.

“I’m sorry Jo.”

“What’s up, Peeta? This vacation was supposed to be a good thing for you two. What’s happened?”

“Nothing’s happened…yet.” She waited patiently for him to continue. 

“I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” he said as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Katniss asked me if I wanted to try anything new in bed. And when I asked her the same thing, she said she wanted me to be…rough. She wants to be tied up. I actually…spanked her last night.” He hid his hand in his hands and Johanna let out a low whistle.

“Katniss is into the dominatrix thing. Who knew!”

“Jo!”

“I’m kidding, Peeta. But seriously…what happened when you spanked her? Did she like it?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’ve never done that, I just…I lost control for a second. Don’t get me wrong, we both had fun…I mean…she had the best orgasm of her life, I think.”

“You think?” Johanna struggled not to laugh.

“Well…she….I mean I made her…oh god, I can’t--”

“Oh my god! Did you make her squirt?” Peeta went ten shades of red and hid his face in his hands again.

“Oh damn, bread boy, you ARE good! Seriously, no guy has ever made me squirt! I can only do it when I’m by myself.”

“Johanna, I really cannot have this conversation with you. I mean, if you EVER expect me to look you in the eye again--” 

“Oh come ON,” she said, thumping him on the back and nearly sending him into the sand. “I need details!” 

“Johanna! I can’t discuss mine and Katniss’s sex life! It’s too…invasive. She would be mortified if she knew you knew. Hell, I’m mortified right now!” 

“No need to be, I’m an expert at these things!” He groaned and shook his head. “Listen Peeta, she wants you to be a little rougher with her. Ok, so you take it slow. You   
don’t have to break out the whips and chains until later!”

“Whips and chains,” he repeated, looking horrified. 

“My point is, start with something you’re comfortable with. A nice pair of handcuffs is always fun. In fact I have a pair in my drawer by the bed!”

“Oh god.”

“Try blindfolding and cuffing her. Katniss is a hunter, so make her rely on her hunting instincts. I guarantee you, she will like it.” She watched him for a moment and a look of comprehension crossed her face.

“Ahh. I see. You don’t want to chain her up because you’re afraid of going into a flashback.” He glanced at her nervously, honestly hating how well she knew him right now.

“She was chained when I first took her. I remember my words...I saw the tape…I saw…how I treated her. I’m afraid my mind will go back to that night and I will lose control. And I cannot lose control with her, Johanna. I’m so afraid…I’m so terrified of what I could do.”

“Could you really hurt her, Peeta? I mean, really?”

“I don’t know,” he said miserably. “I did once. I almost killed her. Who says I won’t do it again?”

“I don’t think you would. You can always bring yourself back and Katniss has a way of bringing you back herself. Plus the girl is strong. I don’t think she’d let you hurt her.”

“If she’s chained up, how is she going to stop me? I just…don’t trust myself to do this with her. But I want to give her an amazing anniversary. I want to give her everything she wants.”

“Try tying her hands with something before you move on to handcuffs.”

“I used my tie last night.” Her brow shot up and she grinned.

“Moving right along! Then you’re ready for something bigger. And I’ll teach you some really good tricks to try when you’re dominating her.”

“I hate that word,” he said as he shook his head. “I don’t know about this, Jo.”

“I do. Peeta, relax. With sex lessons from Johanna, you are guaranteed to give her the best night of her life and you will love it just as much!”


	56. Chapter 56

Peeta watched her toss her head and moan as he continued his soft strokes. He never once looked away and grinned when he saw her eyes flutter open and meet his.

“Good morning,” he said against her skin. She squeezed her eyes shut and her hands wrapped around his hair.

“Oh good lord, boy, are you trying to kill me?”

“Not my intention, I assure you,” he said playfully, rising up to kiss her. His fingers resumed his tongue’s previous activities and he leaned back to watch her as she approached her peak. Leaning down, he spread her wider and started to suck, hard. 

“Oh! Oh god!”

“Katniss. Watch me.” His husky voice got her attention and she struggled to keep her eyes on his. She bit her lip and her toes curled in the sheets. Peeta’s loving orbs bore into hers as she came, and he watched the light in her eyes before she closed them and leaned her head back onto the pillow. He kissed her all the way up to her face, his hand coming up to caress her cheek. She took his hand into her mouth, her eyes meeting his again and smiling slyly when she saw his darken.

“Katniss,” he whimpered, sure that she would be the one to kill him. She pulled him into her and arched her back. He took her slowly and sensually, taking time to feel every bit of her. Katniss moaned as she felt every inch of his cock against her walls, the way he would pull out to the tip then slowly push back in. There was no rush, there was no racing to the edge. They indulged in themselves and took as long as they needed to, because they could. He spilled inside of her and collapsed on top of her, heaving for breath. Her fingers gently stroked his damp hair and he looked up at her to receive a loving smile.

“I love you,” she said breathlessly. He smiled, feeling so overly emotional at the moment and quickly kissed her before he did something stupid like cry.

“Happy anniversary, Katniss.” 

 

Katniss giggled as she pulled on her wet suit and she glanced over at her husband, who was looking extremely nervous.

“Peeta, relax. I’ll be by your side the entire time.”

“How did I go from having no swim lessons to traveling to the bottom of the ocean? Hm? That makes no sense to me.” She shook her head and dropped her goggles, making her way over to him. She gripped his face in her hands and fixed her stormy eyes on his.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yeah but--“

“Peeta. Do you trust me?” His eyes locked on hers.

“With my life,” he said quietly. She leaned up for a kiss and she nodded.

“OK then. Let’s go.” They made sure their tanks were secure and fixed their goggles over their faces. Giving each other a thumbs up, they grasped hands and jumped into the sea.

Peeta refused to release Katniss’s hand as they glided through the clear waters. Katniss tugged him forward and she went lower and lower. Peeta had to admit, it was beautiful in the ocean. But he still felt like he would suffocate at any moment and he tried to gain his bearings before she tugged him even lower. Katniss pointed as schools of colorful fish swam by and Peeta couldn’t help but enjoy himself. As they swam along the sea bottom, both of them looked in all different directions, taking it all in. He felt her squeeze his hand his eyes widened when he saw a large bottlenose dolphin coming toward them. Katniss reached out and stroked the creature’s nose and it let out a series of clicks. Katniss smiled at Peeta and they moved closer to the dolphin. It nodded its head appreciatively, nuzzling against Peeta. With another series of clicks, it flipped its tail and took off. Katniss and Peeta watched it go and grasped hands again as they continued to explore the world around them. 

Their first scuba diving experience was more than either of them could have imagined. As Peeta inhaled deeply, filling his lungs, he glanced down at the blue waters and thought about what Katniss’s father had told her when she was young, about her exploring other districts. He had certainly never imagined seeing these things but he couldn’t help but think of how lucky he was. Not many people in District 12 ever left it and he was beyond grateful to be sharing it with the love of his life. Yet he knew he now owed a debt. He started to puzzle out how he was going to trick her into seeing Gale, as the boat took off toward Johanna’s house.

The rest of the day was equally as amazing and Katniss had taken to attacking Peeta with kisses every time they had a spare moment, leaving him breathless with want. After they had changed out of their wetsuits, they had a picnic on an isolated part of the beach and Peeta had snuck her away to a little field where they made love on a beach towel. After their picnic, they had walked along the beach, hand in hand, talking quietly and trading secrets. They played several rounds of “Real, Not Real” for some things Peeta was unsure about and they went back to the house as the sun was setting and Peeta made a delicious dinner for them both. They ate on the deck and Peeta had arranged for a display of fireworks just past the district. Katniss’s head rested on his shoulder and his thumb tenderly ran over her rings. 

“Real or Not Real, Katniss. You never imagined your life like this.” 

“Real. I never imagined I could be this happy.” He turned to her, smiling and kissed her forehead. 

“I didn’t either. Mom told me I was worthless, that I would never amount to anything. When I was 11, I was shocked to hear that she had arranged a marriage for me. I thought it was a nice gesture but I’m sure it was just to get rid of me.”

“You had an…arranged marriage? When you were 11?” He shrugged.

“Didn’t last long. Her father called it off when we turned 13. Mom was furious.”

“Who was it?” He glanced up, looking nervous.

“Delly.” Katniss’s jaw dropped and she had difficulty finding her words.

“You would have been married to Delly,” she said softly, almost disbelievingly. 

“No Katniss, I wouldn’t have. Because as hard as my mother tried to control me, I still fought back. And I was in love with you. I wouldn’t have married anyone else.”

“Oh Peeta, you talk as if our lives are our own. Do you think if we hadn’t been Reaped that your mother would have let you remain unmarried? That our families would just leave us to our own fate?” He shrugged again.

“Katniss, I don’t know if anyone could ever make you do anything.”

“That’s not true,” she protested. “I will do anything to keep my family safe.” Before she could analyze what she had said, he caught her lips in a passionate kiss.

“I know,” he whispered, “that’s one of the reasons I love you so much. Your passion and your instincts to take care of your loved ones. I saw that when we were still really young. That’s why I was even more determined to help you. You didn’t need it though. You survived on your own.”

“I didn’t though,” she said softly. “I’ve told you before, I would have died without that bread. I had given up. I was ready to end it, somehow, someway. And then you showed me kindness and I knew I could keep us going. But I would have been lost without you. And I never forgot about it. Every time I saw you, I remembered I had a debt to pay. The day we were Reaped, all I could think about was how I could repay you. As if there were some way to pay you back for what you had done.” Peeta pulled her into his arms, his hand moving up to cradle her face as he pressed furious kisses against her lips. 

“I love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being able to say that--“

“I’ll never get tired of hearing it,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. He pulled her into his lap and her legs wrapped around his waist, grinding down onto him and he let out a deep moan. 

“Why don’t we go upstairs,” she whispered in his ear before she gently bit on the soft flesh. He hissed and lifted her up, carrying her inside.   
They entered the bedroom and Peeta took a deep breath. Ok, he thought. Here it goes. He opened the drawer by the bed and pulled out a black satin mask. It seemed Johanna had been successful in sneaking in the things Peeta had bought that day. He held it between his fingers and approached her from behind. One of his hands reached around and cupped her breast and he leaned in to kiss her neck. She bit her lip and bent her head so he could ravage her throat with his tongue. He brought the mask to her eyes and she gasped, her fingers flying to it. He leaned in close and kissed her cheek before moving closer to her ear.

“Do you trust me, Katniss?” Without hesitating, she nodded and he tied the mask in place. Her eyes completely covered, he turned her around to kiss her, his hands cradling her face. They moved to her hair and he pulled her braid loose, gathering her dark locks in his fist and tugging gently. His hands moved down her body, pulling her dress down to reveal lacy orange underwear. He let out a moan of approval and pulled her to the bed. He helped her settle on the sheets and his upper body rested on hers while he continued to kiss her. He cupped her breasts with both hands and lifted her up so he could reach around for the clasp. He pulled the material away from her body and let out a moan at the sight of her hardened nipples. He brought her hands above her head and held them in place with his own. 

“Don’t move,” he said in a husky voice that made her shiver. He leaned over and took out the rest of the items from the drawer. Biting his lip, he brought the silver cuffs to her wrists and attached them to the bed. He gently tugged, making sure they were secure before he went back to her lips again. He lowered his mouth to a breast and took her nipple between his teeth. She arched her back, moaning his name, and his tongue swirled around her flesh. He suddenly rose up off of her and she felt the bed lift and heard his heavy footsteps walk away.

“Peeta?” She frowned underneath the mask, tossing her head, trying to figure out where he had gone. She heard the thud of his prosthetic return moments later but he didn’t move to the bed.  
He stopped in the doorway, transfixed. Her lower body was twisted and her underwear rode low on her hips. Her breasts were perky and at attention, and her hands gripped the pillow underneath her. He wished for an easel and paints. She was perfection and she was all his. Only he would see this and he licked his lips in desire. He moved closer to the bed and she turned her head toward him, her hunting instincts taking over.

“God Katniss, I wish I could just freeze this moment. Show you how absolutely breathtaking you are.” He set a glass down on the table and leaned down to kiss her. She eagerly thrust her tongue into his mouth and they did a sweet dance. Reaching over to the table, he took an ice cube from the glass and held it between his fingers. He brought it to her skin and smiled when her stomach flinched. Running it around her bellybutton, he bent to lick up the wet path it left. He moved the ice to her breasts and she gasped, arching her back again. Smiling a wicked smile, Peeta moved the ice over her nipple and around her breast, eliciting a throaty moan. He moved it downwards past her bellybutton and traced her panty line with it. She writhed underneath him, tossing her head.

“Peeta,” she moaned. He moved the ice further down, tracing over her underwear and circling that spot that just kept getting wetter. He moved between her legs to kiss at the wet path and his tongue moved over her covered slit. Her scent was intoxicating. He quickly shed her underwear and slid them down her toned legs. Continuing with the ice, he brushed it down her legs and around her inner thighs. She continued to writhe and he moved off the bed again. She felt him kissing her ankles before slipping something around them and then her legs were tugged in opposite directions, spreading her wide. Peeta finished attaching the cuffs to the bed and leaned back to admire the view. Fuck. He was truly a lucky man.

His hand went to his belt and he slowly unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, sliding them down his legs. Katniss’s head snapped to the side as she tugged at the handcuffs. Peeta removed the rest of his clothing and climbed onto the bed, straddling her. She felt his cock touch her lips and she gasped. His hands went to her hair and he leaned back on her chest. 

“Open your mouth,” he growled. She did so and he slid his dripping length into her warm mouth. His eyes closed and he tossed his head back as he thrust against her. 

“Oh fuck Katniss,” he moaned, “I’m going to come.” She increased her pace, her tongue swirling around his head and he cried out as he exploded. He pulled away and she licked her lips, his eyes dilating with lust. He moved off of her and between her legs, leaning up to kiss her again. He grabbed another item, flicking the switch to a low speed and tracing it over her breasts. Her nipples were hard, almost painful and she whimpered as the vibrator’s sensations made her entire body shake. He sucked at one breast while holding the vibrating stick to the other. He continued to lick and suck as his hand lowered between her legs, holding the vibrator directly against her clit. She cried out at the powerful sensations and he flipped the switch, changing speeds. He started to circle around her clit with the vibrator and her hips moved off the bed. Peeta’s eyes were trained on her weeping core; he felt painfully hard again and had to resist from thrusting into her and ending it all too early. No, this night was about Katniss he had decided. He wanted her to do what she had done the previous night. He wanted her to do it multiple times. And he was determined to get her there.   
He flipped the speed again and moved it directly over her clit. She screamed, sweat pouring down her breasts and dripping onto the sheets. He leaned down and his tongue darted out to taste her sweetness. He eagerly lapped up her arousal, pressing the vibrator down hard and her hips launched off the bed as she came into his mouth. He watched her body tremble with after-shocks and he waited for a moment before he knelt down and started to lick and suck at her again. Her clit was throbbing and she tossed her head back.

“Oh my fucking god Peeta!” Peeta chuckled against her skin and she lifted her hips, trying to get away but her binds kept her in place and his hands held her hips down. He gripped her ass and buried his face further between her thighs. He reached around and his finger prodded at her entrance. Finding it much easier this time, he slid his pointer finger into her and she whimpered in ecstasy. Katniss was so full of Peeta and she loved every moment of it. 

“Peeta. I fucking need you,” she panted. He moaned against her core and she screamed again. She tugged at her cuffs and felt the sting on her wrists. Peeta brought her to her climax twice more before he finally slid inside her, his fingers gripping her hips so tightly there would be bruises. He reached up and his fingers rested on her throat, not closing but still making her tense slightly. He quickly moved his hand back down to her breasts as he increased his thrusts. 

“Yes! YES! Peeta, god yes!” They raced to their completion together, panting each other’s names. The room smelled of sweat and sex and drove them on. When they came together, they immediately started again, carrying on into the night.   
Peeta had removed the cuffs from her wrists and ankles and she was on her hands and knees as he took her from behind. With one last shaking thrust, he released inside her and they collapsed to the bed, having spent the last of their strength.

“Holy fuck,” she whimpered finally after catching her breath. “That was…you were…oh my god.” He smiled and sat up to look at her, propping up on his elbow.

“It was a good anniversary then?”

“I have no words. Thank you, Peeta. I know that was…how you felt about that at first.”

“We both obviously enjoyed ourselves. We’ll see if we build up to it some more. Maybe I’ll actually be able to get to the place where you want me to be… but that was the most amazing sex I think we’ve ever had though.”

“I agree,” she said, blushing. “I feel soooo weak now.”

“Good,” he laughed, kissing her soaked hair. “I did my job then.”

“You did your job so well,” she giggled, turning into him. “I mean it, Peeta. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He kissed her nose, then a soft kiss on the lips before they settled down together, their limbs wrapped around one another so that no one could tell where one ended and the other began. 

“Thank you, Katniss,” he breathed into her hair. “Thank you for loving me.”

 

The next morning, Katniss quietly knocked on the door until a tousled-hair toddler came waddling to the screen door. His mother was right behind him and her eyes widened.

“Katniss! Come on in!” 

“I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“Oh you didn’t. Finn has been awake for hours,” she rubbed her eyes tiredly. “Please, come in. I’ll put on a pot of tea.” 

“Is Willow still asleep?”

“I think she might be but you’re more than welcome to check on her. Down the hall, to your left. She is sleeping in Finn’s old nursery.” Katniss tiptoed down the hall and peered into the room. She went to the cradle, which was decorated with all sorts of sea life and seaweed and peered down into the blue orbs of her daughter. She cooed and reached up to Katniss and she bent and gathered her in her arms. 

“How I’ve missed you,” she whispered before kissing her forehead. She made her way back to the kitchen where Finn was tossing his cereal all over the walls and Annie was pouring tea into two mugs.

“Where is Peeta?”

“Still sleeping. I didn’t want to wake him but I couldn’t sleep any more. And I missed Willow. So I thought I would come see her before he wakes up.” 

“Well hey there brainless. Didn’t expect to see you walking after last night.” Katniss stiffened and Annie blew on her tea, pretending to ignore her crass friend.

“Did you have a good anniversary, Katniss,” Annie asked politely.

“It was wonderful. We went scuba diving and a picnic on the beach and he arranged for fireworks…it was perfect.”

“Get to the good stuff, girl on fire. Did you do anything fun?” 

“Johanna,” Annie said tiredly. “I need to change Finn.” She scooped him up and carried him to their room down the hall. Johanna scooted closer and raised her brow.

“So you going to tell me?”

“No. It’s none of your business.”

“Oh come on, Katniss, I was only playing. I tried to help him, I really did.”

“I knew you had a part of it,” she said, rolling her eyes. 

“Hey, it was his idea and he wanted it to be perfect for you but he was scared, Katniss. He was scared he would revert and I don’t blame him. I told him to start out small. He was the one who went shopping while you were napping on the beach.” The idea of her husband walking into a shop and buying some of those things made her blush a brilliant shade of pink. Johanna smirked.

“So did he do good?”

“It was wonderful,” she said quietly. “He was wonderful. It was…it was perfect.”

“He’ll build up to it, Katniss. If you’re really into hardcore stuff, you can work up to it together.”

“I didn’t say I was into…hardcore stuff,” she blushed again. “I just said I’d like to try some new things, that’s all. Last night was new. And I hope we do it again. But with Willow and the bakery, we don’t have a lot of time to ourselves anymore. It’s been nice just being…newly weds again.”

“Relationship killer number one, Katniss. Never let romance die. Don’t ever let your sex lives die!”

“I won’t let that happen, Johanna. And thank you. For sticking your nose into our business again.” Johanna’s mouth twitched.

“You’re welcome. I wouldn’t be surprised if I have another niece or nephew soon.” Katniss shifted Willow in her arms and shook her head.

“I’m taking birth control. I don’t want another one…at least right now.”

“And Peeta is alright with that?”

“He was the one who suggested it. He knows I’m not ready for another one. I know he wants more but…I can’t live through another miscarriage.”

“Katniss, death is a part of life. You grieve and you learn from it. You move on and you never forget. But that’s all part of the learning. Each experience you have makes you ready for your next adventure. I think Willow is definitely going to have a brother or sister.” Katniss quietly sipped at her tea, her mouth thin. She wondered if her husband had woken yet and she glanced down at her daughter and rose to get a bottle from the fridge. She nuzzled Willow’s nose and smiled.

“You hungry sweetheart? I bet your daddy is missing you. After breakfast what do you say we go see him?” Willow let out a stream of giggles and Katniss laughed.

“Oh you’ll be a daddy’s girl alright. Just don’t forget about how much your mommy loves you, alright?”

“She never could Katniss,” Johanna said with a smile. “That kid is changing the district and changing you.”


	57. Chapter 57

Peeta stretched across the bed and sat straight up in bed, blinking at the empty pillow next to him. But his eyes caught sight of a note and a little chocolate kiss on top of it. Smiling, he popped the chocolate in his mouth and savored the sweetness as he read the note.

Gone to Annie’s. Join me there if you like. I’ll be back soon. I love you

-Katniss 

Feeling relief spread through him, he hurried to his suitcase to get dressed then went to brush his hair and teeth. He flattened his curls and stared at his reflection. 

“High time for a haircut,” he said to himself. When he was finished, he went downstairs and was about to walk outside when he stopped. Sighing, he went to the phone and pulled out a number from his pocket. Dialing it quickly, he prayed that no one would answer. He closed his eyes when he heard the deep voice on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Gale? It’s Peeta.”

“Hi. How’s 4 treating you?”

“It’s been…perfect. I can’t thank you enough for this. I…we owe you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Gale said in a would-be offhand voice but Peeta knew better. Gale did want something in return. He sighed.

“We have a couple of days left and I was wondering when you wanted us to meet with you. I think we’re seeing her mom today.”

“How about tomorrow? I can come round about 10.” Peeta bit his lip. He would have preferred to meet Gale in a public place but these were Gale’s terms after all.

“Sure, sounds good. I’ll make sure we’re at home. And Gale…please be careful. She’s…she’s come so far. I would hate it if--“

“I know, Peeta. All I want to do is talk to her.”

“Yeah. Ok, see you tomorrow.” Peeta hung up the phone, feeling a sense of dread like a storm cloud over his head. He tried to shake the feeling but he found it difficult. 

Knowing what he needed to get rid of these feelings, he slipped on his shoes and hurried out the door.

 

Katniss looked up when the door opened and Peeta entered the kitchen. 

“Speak of the devil! We were just talking about you,” Johanna said with a wink. Peeta’s brow raised.

“And what were you saying?”

“Nothing. Hi,” Katniss said, tilting her face up for a kiss. Peeta cupped her chin and kissed her softly before moving his lips to his daughter’s forehead. She reached up toward him and ignored the bottle her mother was waving in her face. Katniss sighed.

“Here, you might as well finish feeding her.” Peeta tossed her into the air and kissed her chubby cheeks. 

“Peeta,” Katniss said firmly. “Food first, fun later.” Peeta obeyed and sat down next to Katniss, holding the bottle to Willow’s grinning mouth.

“So what were we talking about?”

“Nothing,” Katniss said, starting to blush. Peeta raised a brow and looked at Johanna, who shrugged.

“There’s an elephant in the room and I don’t like elephants. How did last night go? Your girl on fire won’t give me details.”

“Oh,” he said uncomfortably, glancing sideways at Katniss, who hid her face in her hands. “It was great. For both of us. That’s all you get,” he added. 

“You two are no fun,” she huffed, rising to her feet and grabbing her mug. “I helped out, didn’t I? Doesn’t that entitle me to juicy details?”

“Not in the slightest,” Katniss spat. Peeta suppressed a grin. 

“Johanna, why do you need details? We both said it was great.”

“Great should not be used to describe an orgasm,” she hissed. “And it certainly doesn’t describe mind-blowing sex like I can imagine you had. I just want to know how you took to the BDSM thing!” Katniss jumped up, shaking her head.

“I can’t do this. Tell her if you want. I’m going to help Annie.” They heard her hurry down the hall, calling Annie’s name and Peeta sighed.

“Dammit Jo, why can’t you leave well enough alone?”

“That girl is too pure. Fine, you tell me. How did it go? Honestly?”

“I don’t know when we became “girlfriends” but this whole asking me for details on my sex life stops today, got it?” Johanna merely shrugged and he shook his head.

“Fine, it was…it was fantastic. Really, she enjoyed herself and I enjoyed myself. I did what you said and started out small. I got nervous using the handcuffs but she was fine with it and was even more ok when we started using…the other things.” He cleared his throat loudly. “I wasn’t…too rough. I couldn’t. I guess I can try to build up to it if she really wants that but tying her up was just enough, I think. I had one brief moment when I felt…angry and I gripped the sheets for a second before I felt ok again. I guess I’ll be doing that for the rest of my life,” he added sadly.

“I’ll trade with you,” she said in a far-off voice. “I live beside the beach and can’t stand to go near the water. I can’t even shower properly. The shitheads in the Capitol tried to help me but I think I’m too fucked up to be helped.”

“Jo, if I can be helped, then you can too. We’re all messed up. The Games change you, you know that. None of us will be normal again. That doesn’t mean we don’t fight for a normal life.” 

“Yeah,” she said softly, before shrugging. “Anyway, it went well then? She didn’t say anything afterwards did she?”

“We didn’t really talk, we just fell asleep. It was…an exhausting night.”

“I bet,” she said, her eyes sparkling. He cleared his throat again.

“Gale is coming by tomorrow.” Johanna’s eyes widened.

“And she doesn’t know?”

“If she did, do you think she would be sticking around? But I owe him, Jo. He just wants to talk to her. Do you think I’m doing the wrong thing?”

“I can’t tell you that, Peeta. I agree that Gale helped out but I’m afraid of what seeing him may do to her progress.” Peeta nodded regretfully.

“I was thinking the same thing. I’ll be there, if she needs me. But I think they need time to talk. To reconcile. I don’t know if it’s possible but they were best friends. I think she should try.”

“Do you honestly want her near him? Knowing what she meant to him and he to her?” He stiffened and looked down at his daughter.

“I know she loves me now and that’s enough. Gale doesn’t threaten me anymore. All I’m worried about is how she will react to seeing him again.” Johanna let out a quiet   
“hmm” and he glanced down to see the bottle was empty. 

“You ate fast, little one. Is Auntie Jo taking good care of you?”

“Oh we’re getting along famously,” she said in a stuffy Capitol accent that made Peeta grin. “I’m teaching her all the latest fads and this afternoon we are going to talk boys.”

“Don’t make my little girl grow up too fast, Johanna.”

“Katniss says you suggested for her to go on birth control,” she said, lowering her voice again. Peeta nodded.

“I know the idea of more kids right now scares her. I’m amazed she carried Willow to term. I don’t want to rush her. If we are meant to have more kids, it will happen. I hope it does but I won’t push her. My family is perfect the way it is.” 

“I’m sure she will come around. Just give her time.”

“I am. So I think today she said we are going to have lunch with her mother? Should I be worried?” She shrugged again.

“She seems alright, to be honest. We try not to mention Prim’s name and we’re ok. She comes over to help with Finn. She also checks up on me. She’s a good healer and a kind woman. But I can see why Katniss is pissed at her. I went all the way to 12, there’s no reason the woman can’t go see her daughter and her grand-daughter.”

“You know why she can’t,” he said quietly. 

“And Katniss has it easy? Sorry but I feel worse for the Mockingjay than her mother. I get that her mom lost people. But Katniss is forced to stay in that place with all its bad memories. I can’t imagine what would have happened if you hadn’t returned to her. I mean, I don’t want to think about it.”

“Me neither,” he said firmly. They both knew that Katniss probably would not be alive. Surrounded by ghosts and painful memories and with no one to chase her fears away, she would have succumbed to the darkness. She had already been so close. Peeta remembered returning and seeing the shell of the girl he had loved. But he shook his head, forcing himself to focus on the present. His little girl yawned in his arms and he smiled down at her. She was proof that Katniss had survived. That they had both climbed their way out of the canyons of despair. Their lives were complete, with each other.

He looked up when the two young women entered the room and he smiled at his wife. He pulled her toward him and kissed her on the lips while Johanna pretended to gag. Annie smiled at them before she set Finn back in his chair. 

“Well you two, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“I think we’re going to the hospital to see my mom.” Peeta could hear the nervousness in her voice and he squeezed her hand. 

“That will be great. She was so excited to see Cressida’s second interview where you introduced Willow. Are you taking her to meet her grandmother?” Katniss nodded.

“I’m not too sure about taking her to the hospital but it sounds like she never leaves.”

“She really doesn’t. She’s done a wonderful thing for this district. And I know she misses you.” Peeta took her hand in his and she glanced over to see him smiling at her. She relaxed and squeezed his hand.

“We had better be going then. I’ll take Willow back to the house and change her into that cute outfit I bought in town. Thank you girls so much for watching her.”

“It’s our pleasure, Katniss. She’s really a doll.”

“Why don’t you two come over for dinner tonight? I’m cooking.” Peeta looked at Johanna, alarmed.

“Oh god, I’m not too sure about that--“

“Hey, stuff it! I’m an excellent cook. Finn likes my cooking, don’t you baby boy?” Finn giggled and Katniss looked pained for a moment. Peeta quickly grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips.

“We will see you tonight then, ladies.” He slipped an arm around his wife as they carried their daughter back to the house.

“You ok?” he asked her as they walked up the walkway. She jerked and nodded.

“Yeah, he just…he looks and sounds just like him.” 

“I know.”

“I don’t know how Annie does it, to be honest. I already see you in Willow’s big blue eyes but if it had been a boy…and you hadn’t come back…I don’t know, Peeta, I don’t think I could have kept him.”

“Yes you could,” he said firmly. “You’d be an amazing mother, no matter the circumstances. She’s got a little piece of Finnick, always with her. Maybe that’s how she does it.” She nodded and gazed down at their daughter, who was watching her mother with wide eyes. 

“I can’t believe how much I see you in her,” she said softly. 

“She’ll look just like you when she’s older. I’ll have to chase the boys off with a rolling pin.” Katniss chuckled.

“You overestimate my genes.”

“And you underestimate your perfection,” he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She shivered as his warm breath hit her neck and she sped up her steps.

“Let’s get Willow changed and ready to meet her grandmother.” 

 

Katniss twitched nervously as they approached the hospital. Peeta held Willow in his arms and he slid an arm around her waist.

“It’ll be ok,” he muttered. “I’ll be right here the whole time.”

“Don’t leave me,” she whispered frantically.

“Never.” 

They walked into the hospital and glanced around nervously.

“Hi there,” a cheerful voice came from behind the desk. “How can I help--“ her eyes widened as a look of comprehension dawned on the nurse. 

“Oh my goodness! The star-crossed lovers of District 12! Right here in District 4! Oh, I can’t believe it! Cara! Cara, come here!”

“Please, ma’am, I’m only looking for my--“

“Cara it’s them! It’s THEM! Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark!” 

“Haven’t you been watching the news,” came a familiar voice, quiet and stern, “it’s Katniss Mellark now. And don’t you have anything better to do than gawk at victors, Laina?” 

“Sorry Mrs. Everdeen,” the nurse said, going pink. Katniss turned to see her mother striding down the hall, dressed in a nurse’s uniform and her hair braided around her head like Katniss’s had been at the Reaping. Katniss gasped and Mrs. Everdeen stopped in front of her, her hands folded in front of her but twitching slightly.

“You look wonderful, Katniss,” she finally said after a moment of tense silence. 

“Thank you,” she breathed. Mrs. Everdeen turned and smiled at Peeta.

“And look at you, Peeta. You are looking well. You’re the spitting image of your father when he was your age.” 

“Th-thank you, Mrs. Everdeen,” Peeta said, taken aback. Her eyes flicked downwards and her mouth opened a little. Peeta shifted the bundle in his arms and looked down to see Willow had fallen asleep. 

“Oh,” the woman said quietly.

“Mom, I’d like you to meet your granddaughter. Willow Rose Mellark.” 

“Oh Katniss. Katniss, she’s perfect.” Peeta gently lay her in her grandmother’s arms and Mrs. Everdeen gazed down at the baby with reverence.

“I saw your last interview. Have her eyes changed color?”

“No, they’re still as blue as Peeta’s. I don’t want them to change.”

“Yours never did either. They looked like tossing storms when you were born. Now your sister…hers were grey like yours. Until she got older, then they became a pretty blue.” Mrs. Everdeen’s eyes glazed over and she choked back a sob. She quickly handed Willow back to Peeta and shook her head.

“I’m sorry. I have a lot of work I need to get back to.”

“Mom, we came here to see you. To show her to you.”

“I know Katniss but I’m really busy. I’ll see you a little later, alright?” And with that she spun around and hurried away. Katniss gaped at her retreating back, willing herself not to cry. Peeta’s arm draped around her shoulder and he pulled her into his chest.

“Let’s go, sweetheart.” 

He lead her away from the hospital and they didn’t look back. When they returned home, Katniss broke down. She sobbed into the sheets and curled up into a tight ball, refusing Peeta’s touch. When he tried to put Willow between them, she rolled over and hid her face. Peeta sighed heavily, feeling anger toward Mrs. Everdeen. He understood she was grieving but he agreed with Johanna; Katniss was grieving too. And he couldn’t understand a woman who would turn her back on her own daughter. His jaw tightened as he realized that wasn’t altogether true. His own mother had turned her back on him many times. He got up and lay Willow in the crib that Johanna had brought over, then returned to the bed where he pressed his chest against his wife’s back, wrapping her in his arms. He kissed her shoulder and rested his chin on her arm.

“When I was seven, my mom got pregnant again. I overheard my brothers talking about it, saying that mom really wanted a daughter. I approached her one night and asked her for a little brother. She slapped me across the face and told me it was a little girl, that she was having the girl she was supposed to have instead of me. I asked her, didn’t she want me and she said, ‘why would I want another filthy little boy? You were SUPPOSED to be a girl. It would have been better if you had been a girl.’ And so I told her if I had been a girl, well, I wouldn’t have been me! And you know what she said? ‘Good. We would have been better off that way.’” He heaved a great sigh and noticed Katniss had tensed up. He nuzzled her arm and kissed her shoulder again.

“So I ran crying to my dad. He scooped me into his arms and set me on the counter. I remember cause I was getting flour all over my pants and knew mom would be furious if she saw. But he wiped my tears away and said, ‘Peeta, do you know what your name means?’ Well, I knew I had been named after bread. Being the Baker’s sons, we all had food-like names. But he touched my cheek and said, ‘pita bread is strong and solid. But it’s still got such a soft texture that it is delicious to eat. But when it’s baked, it can seem like a rock until you tear into it and find the fluffy part. You’ll be a strong boy but have a caring heart, a soft nature that will cause you to love and be loved. That gentle heart will lead you to the love of your life one day.’ He also told me, no, tried to convince me that my mother loved me and she just had a difficult way of showing it. So I went off to school, determined to be that rock with the soft center. I’d brush off my mother’s insults, just let them roll right off and tried to kill her with kindness, when I could.” Katniss turned to face him, and he propped his head on his hand, staring down at her.

“You were always so nice to everyone. It’s why you were so popular.” 

“I had hoped it was my devilishly good lucks,” he said, waggling an eyebrow at her. She couldn’t help but smile and his hand played with her hair.

“Wait, you had a sister? I only remember Mellark boys.” He shook his head.

“My mother told everyone that it was a girl and she’d have the chance to do things right. The rest of the town felt sorry for us boys, although Bran was a lot like her. She liked Kale too, it was just me that she hated. Or…loved less. Dad hated it when I said she hated me. ‘She loves you, Peeta. She’s just a complex woman.’ Seems like we’ve both had complex women in our lives, Katniss.” He reached out to stroke her hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

“Boy do I remember that night. Dad woke us up and told Kale to run for your mother. There was something wrong with the baby. But mom screamed at him that she wouldn’t let your mom come near her. After awhile, her pains got worse and she finally snapped at me to go. She insisted that Kale and Bran stay with her so she sent her least-favorite son into the dark Seam in the middle of the night by himself. I ran to your house and started to knock on the door but I saw you, through the window. I think you were telling Prim a story or you may have been singing but I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I finally snapped to my senses and knocked on the door. I explained the situation and she came with me. By the time we had gotten back, we were too late. Mom had miscarried and Dad was in tears. When your mother left, mom ordered me to stay by her bedside so she could reach out and slap me and hurl insults at me all night. Dad found me huddled on the floor in tears the next morning with a black eye and he sent me to my room. I could hear mom screaming at him that it was all my fault. That I had taken too long and had killed my sister.” Katniss stared at him in horror, her round eyes glassy and furious.

“Surely you knew that it wasn’t your fault?”

“A seven year old knows what he’s told. For the longest time, I believed I had let the baby die. I felt guilty everyday, that I had spent too much time watching you when I needed to get your mother back to my place.”

“I remember that night,” she said softly, her eyes widening. “Prim fell asleep but I waited up with my father for my mother to return. She came back with blood on her dress and saw that I was still awake. She said she had been to the Mellarks and that Mrs. Mellark had lost her baby. I crawled into her lap and let her hold me and I asked her if everyone was ok. She said she feared for the youngest boy, that Mrs. Mellark abused the boy terribly and it was obvious that she blamed him for losing the baby, although that was ridiculous. I asked her if we could do anything to help, because no parent should hit a child, and my father played with my braid and told me I could save the boy. I was…stumped. I had no idea what he was talking about. But he told me I was strong and brave and if I wanted to, I could do anything. Including save the youngest Mellark boy from his abusive mother. But I corrected him. I told him I was a coward and was afraid of Mrs. Mellark and couldn’t do anything to help. That’s when I saw the difference in my mother and my father. My mother agreed that there was nothing I could do but my father insisted that there is so much one person can do, if they hold onto their beliefs and dreams. I guess I was more like my father than I knew.” Peeta drew Katniss close to his chest and kissed her forehead, his tears streaming down his cheeks.

“You did save me, Katniss. Your love saved me.”

“I’m sorry it was so late,” she muttered against his skin. “Lousy hero I make.”

“Better late than never,” he said with a grin. 

“I love you, Peeta.”

“I love you too. Maybe your father knew…that we would wind up saving each other.”

“He couldn’t possibly. Besides, you were the one who saved me. Not the other way around.”

“As you said, we saved each other,” he said, stroking her hair back. “And we will always have each other. And our beautiful miracle there. That’s all we need, Katniss. Forget about everything else. We’ve both had…problems with our family. But all we need is each other.” She nodded and sat up.

“You’re right. All I need is you and Willow. She wasn’t there for me after the war and she doesn’t have to be there for me now. You were though.”

“And I always will be,” he said as he kissed her neck. He pulled her back down with him and settled into the blankets, Katniss draped across his chest. They fell asleep, their hands still intertwined.


	58. Chapter 58

When they woke up, Willow was trying to get out of her cradle. Peeta stared, wide-eyed.

“We have a little escape artist, it seems.”

“Wonderful. When she starts to walk we are in trouble.” Grinning, he leaned down and picked her up, bouncing her in his arms. Katniss grabbed a blanket and they walked outside toward the beach.

They spent most of the day playing in the sand with their daughter. Willow seemed to love sand. She threw it everywhere and by the time Peeta said they should start getting ready for dinner, they were all covered in it. Peeta stopped to shake his curls and sand went everywhere. Katniss giggled.

“You’re going to need another set of hands to get all that out of your hair.”

“You’re worse then. Mine’s not nearly as long as yours. Though I am definitely in need of a haircut.”

“No,” she said quickly and he raised a brow. She reached up and stroked his curls, making him close his eyes. “I like your hair this long. It’s perfect for me to run my fingers through. And,” she clenched her fist and tugged on his locks, making him gasp. “I like the reaction I get when I do this.”

“What reaction,” he teased, though his eyes were darkening with lust. She raised a brow and moved her hand down to cup his erection through his pants. He bit his lip and moaned and she smirked up at him.

“That one.”

“Fuck Katniss,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. 

“I’ll drop Willow off with the girls and then I’ll head back to freshen up before dinner,” she said, taking Willow from him. “You go ahead and start trying to get that sand out of your hair.” She shot him a wink as she walked in the direction of Annie’s house and he shook his head at her retreating back.

“You’ll be the death of me,” he muttered before he turned back and headed inside. 

 

Peeta tossed his shirt and boxers aside and climbed into the shower. It was narrower than his at home and he decided he needed his prosthetic after all. He sat on the edge and pulled it back on, adjusting the temperature of the water. He shook his head underneath the water, squeezing shampoo into his hair and lathering it with his hands. 

After three shampoos, he felt like he had gotten most of it out. He heard the door open and he peered through the glass door, grinning when he saw Katniss pulling her shirt over her head.

“About time,” he called over the stream of water.

“Had to clean Willow off first,” she said with a shrug. He pushed the door open and she stepped inside. He moved so she could stand under the faucet and she tossed her head back, washing the sand away. Peeta squeezed the shampoo into his hands and gently turned her around so he could lather her hair. She sighed as she felt his fingers massage her scalp and she closed her eyes, tilting her face toward the stream of hot water. 

“It took me three washes,” he said in her ear, “we may have to stay in here all night.” 

“I’m sure that would really bother you,” she smirked as she turned to rinse off. As her hands moved up to comb through her hair, his hands went to her full breasts, his thumbs raking over her nipples. He bent down and took one into his mouth, his arms moving around to wrap around her waist. Her hands went to his sodden hair and held his head in place as his tongue lavished her flesh.

“Peeta,” she hissed. He glanced up at her and gently tugged her nipple between his teeth. He lowered to his knees and her eyes met his as he knelt between her legs. He kissed her stomach and his hand moved to cup her but she shook her head and tugged on his hair.

“I don’t want anything else. Just you.” Without a word, he stood up and picked her up, holding her against the wall. She reached down and guided him inside her and he repeated his slow agonizing thrusts until she screamed his name. He lowered her back to the floor and he proceeded to wash her hair three more times until they decided they were sufficiently clean. He opened the door and stepped out, grabbing towels for both of them, and held out his hand to help her out. Johanna had a large bathroom with a double vanity and a huge mirror. Fluffy blue bath mats were spread all around and Katniss smirked up at him.

“Didn’t imagine Johanna for the fluffy bathmat kind of girl.”

“I don’t think they make them with spikes,” he said with a grin. He walked past her to go find clothes and she stood in front of the mirror, ringing her hair out into the sink. She uncapped the jar of cream she rubbed into her scars and she stared at her reflection. After all this time, they still looked shiny and new. She sighed heavily, her eyes traveling over her form. Peeta returned with black jeans riding low on his hips and he stopped behind her.

“Penny for your thoughts, miss?”

“You wouldn’t like them,” she muttered, giving him a weak smile. He moved closer and pressed his bare chest to her back, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning in to kiss her neck.

“Don’t you dare tell me you are thinking that you are anything other than beautiful.” 

“Peeta--“

“Because I thought I had chased those thoughts away from your mind,” he rested his chin on her shoulder and his eyes met hers in the mirror. “Don’t I tell you everyday how perfect you are?”

“Hearing you and seeing this are two completely different things,” she said patiently. “When I look into the mirror and see myself like I did when I returned from the Capitol…” she sighed and trailed off, shaking her head. He gently turned her to face him and both hands caressed her face as he kissed her. One of his arms wrapped around her as he kissed down her neck and chest. His eyes on hers, his tongue followed the path of scars across her chest and down her stomach. He kissed each and every one of them, then continued his way downward. He lifted her up onto the sink and spread her legs, kissing his way across her inner thigh and down to her ankle, where her scars stopped. He moved to the other leg and started at her ankle, working his way toward her inner thighs and her center. He pulled her to the edge of the counter, lowering to his knees and kissing around her core. He pressed a kiss to her clit and she let out a breathy moan that made him even harder. His tongue traveled up and down her slit and he leaned back to smack his lips. He gave her a smirk and returned to his slow torture; her hands found his hair and her legs draped across his shoulders as he leaned even closer. His hands pressed against her back, pushing her toward his hungry mouth and she arched her back with a deep groan. He stood back up and pulled her off the counter, kissing her fiercely. Turning her around, his nimble fingers unzipped his jeans and shoved his clothes halfway down his hips, his throbbing cock pressed against her backside as he leaned in to suck at her neck. His tongue found her scars across her shoulder and back and he traveled down to where they stopped just above her cheeks, then resumed at her legs. When he rose back up, his eyes found hers in the mirror. Not breaking their gaze, he licked his palm and guided himself inside her, reaching around to grasp her breast. He slid in and out unhurriedly, their breaths and hearts quickly increasing. She pressed her palms against the mirror and he watched her in the mirror.

“Katniss,” he gasped. “Look at us.” She bit her lip as she felt herself getting close, reaching down to grab his thigh.

“Oh god Peeta!”

“Watch us. Oh shit Katniss, yes! I love you, Katniss! I love you so much!” He grabbed her chin and forced her head around to kiss him while he proceeded to slam into her. The echo of the slapping of flesh made both of them even more eager to reach their peaks. Peeta’s hand moved down between her legs and found her clit, rubbing in fierce circles. With a scream, she slumped against the mirror and he followed moments later, collapsing against her back. He moved her hair aside and kissed her neck before she turned into him and kissed him. 

“God I love you,” he whispered against his lips.

“I love you. And I love your reminders.” He nodded, raising his eyebrows at her. 

“I mean I’ll continue to remind you in this way if I need to. I’ll make the sacrifice.”

“I’m sure you will. Come on, we’d better get over to Annie’s soon. And I think I need another shower.” 

“You do. You’re one dirty little girl.”

“You were the one who hoisted me up onto the counter and had your way with me,” she exclaimed, hitting his chest. “What would Johanna say if she knew we were doing this all over her house?”

“Oh she knows what we’re doing. In fact, she’s probably counting on it. She’s so classy, our Johanna.” 

“Go finish getting ready. I’ll be along in a minute.” He tucked himself back into his jeans then zipped them back up before kissing her quickly and hurrying from the room. Katniss shook her head, laughing as she watched him retreat.

“But man do I love watching him go,” she giggled to herself, turning back to the mirror and giving her reflection a giant smile. 

 

After dinner, Peeta played with Finn and Willow on the floor until Willow fell asleep. Finn then decided he wanted a pony ride and Peeta crawled around on his hands and knees while Finn cheered happily. Annie chuckled at the table.

“It’s nice to see him with a male figure,” she sighed. “I dread the day when he starts asking me where his daddy is.”

“Johanna is here to help you,” Katniss said, resting her hand on Annie’s. “She can attest to how brave and wonderful his daddy was.” Tears filled Annies’s green eyes and she quickly wiped them away. Johanna’s hand joined the others and she squeezed the other two.

“We will just have to go to 12 and visit Aunt Katniss and Uncle Peeta more often,” she said with a smile. Katniss nodded.

“We have plenty of room. We would love for you to visit.” 

“Finn would like that. He certainly does love Peeta.” The three women watched the two boys playing and Katniss shook her head.

“He’s so perfect isn’t he?”

“Gag me, Katniss,” Johanna said and Katniss shot her a glare. Annie giggled.

“I’d say you found your match, Katniss. I’m glad you finally saw what was in front of you.”

“Why though,” she said sadly. “Why did it take me so long? You know, if I had just married him when he asked me…there might not have been any reason for all of us to go into the Quarter Quell. No rebellion, no hijacking--“

“And no freedom,” Johanna broke in. “Katniss, we freed Panem from Snow and his regime! Think about it. If there hadn’t been all of that, we would still have the Games and your daughter would be reaped in twelve years. You and Peeta made sure that would not happen. Finn can grow up without having to think about competing. Willow can grow up worrying about what her hair looks like in the hot District 12 weather, instead of being killed by her neighbor. We changed the world, you guys. I know you may not think the sacrifices made are worth it--“

“I do,” Annie said coolly. “And so would Finnick. He knew what he was giving his life for. And you’re right, our son can live without fear. You can’t control love, Katniss. I didn’t love Finnick immediately. Believe me, I wish I had confessed to it earlier. I might have had longer with him. But things happen when they’re meant to. I believe that.” 

“I know,” Katniss said, turning to watch Peeta again. “But I wish I could give him more. He’s given me so much in our time together and I feel like I have years to catch up.”

“Believe me when I say that you loving him is enough. He wouldn’t ask for more. He talked about you night and day. He was so terrified for your safety and he begged the peacekeepers to ensure your well-being. He agreed to anything Snow wanted, if they left you alone.” 

“Don’t tell me that, Annie,” Katniss said, closing her eyes. “I feel so imperfect next to him already and that…that just tells me how good he is and how I really don’t deserve him.”

“Oh wake up, brainless. The only person who deserves him is the one he deems worthy. And he has obviously deemed you worthy! So shut your whining and just be happy with the man who loves you, ok?” Katniss gaped at her friend, who of course was right. Annie let out a small “hmm” in disapproval but she sipped at her tea silently. Peeta let out a fake whinney and his eyes met Katniss’s across the room. A smile crossed his face before he went back to trotting around the room. 

 

That night, while Peeta snored on his back, Katniss lay on her side, a little ways away from him. She found herself in a dark room with a shaky light hanging from the ceiling. In the corner, a figure was chained and huddled. She hesitantly approached and gasped when he moved and turned his head. She fell to her knees by his side, her hands reaching out to touch him but he did not react. Peeta’s face was covered in bruises, his lip split and bleeding, and blood matted his blonde curls. He wore a black jumpsuit with chains around his wrists and ankles. Tears streamed down Katniss’s face as she shook him.

“Peeta, come on! We have to get out of here, now!” He did not even look her way. She jumped at the sound of a door opening and Peeta’s eyes shot open. She whimpered to see one of his eyes barely opened due to the bruising and attacks. 

“Grab him,” a harsh voice said and Peeta was yanked up by peacekeepers. He groaned and stood unsteadily while the peacekeepers unchained him. They dragged him over to the table at the end of the cell and slammed him down onto it. Someone yanked his jumpsuit off, leaving him in only his boxers. He shivered against the cold metal and his wrists were chained over his head. Katniss gasped loudly when the door opened again and her worst enemy walked in. She smelled the roses before she even saw him. Snow approached the table and gazed down at Peeta.

“So Mr. Mellark, here we are again.”

“I told you I don’t KNOW anything,” Peeta said, straining against his restraints.

“No. I know that now. Though I’m not convinced of your little friend in the next cell. She knows something. She was a part of it. But she’ll pay for her participation,” he paused and the sound of screams and pleading from next door made Peeta turn pale. Katniss whimpered and looked around frantically, desperate to help Johanna. Snow cleared his throat.

“Your Mockingjay will perish, Peeta. Make no mistake about that. But she will try to come for you first. You will do another interview tomorrow and tell her to cease fire. That she needs to give up this foolish rebel act. If you convince her, I will spare her life.” 

“Katniss isn’t stupid,” he spat. “and why do you think she would listen to me? She’s with the rebels in 13, so you say. Don’t you think that means they have already started their planning? Why would she call for a cease-fire when 13 plans to annihilate the Capitol?”

“She doesn’t love you, boy, but she doesn’t hate you either. You were her friend. She will still listen to you. Make it sound convincing. Make it sound…like life or death. Your life, and hers, depends on it.” 

“How do you expect me to do another interview with my face the way it is? Your peacekeepers didn’t think that one through.”

“Oh we have some very good prep teams on staff here in the Capitol. No one will ever know.” Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. 

“Are you going to cooperate this time, Peeta?” His eyes snapped open and narrowed.

“Go to hell. I hope Katniss mutilates every single one of you bastards.” Snow’s eyes flashed and his hand moved so quickly no one saw it. But Peeta let out a scream as a dagger was embedded in his side and Snow twisted it savagely. He yanked it out just as quickly and Peeta’s breathing was heavy. Katniss was crying, pleading for them to stop though she knew they could not hear her. The peacekeepers swept down, pressing a rag to his wound and stemming the blood. Snow plunged the small blade in his side again, above the first wound and Peeta jerked against the chains. Snow withdrew the blade slowly this time and held it above Peeta’s face, his own blood dripping onto his neck.

“I’ll ask you again. Are you going to cooperate this time, Peeta?” Peeta was silent; his chest heaving and his eyes hard and angry. Snow shook his head.

“Fetch the whip. The cat-o-nine, to be exact. And make sure to avoid his face. He must look…pristine for the interview.” Peeta paled at the mention of the whip and writhed on the table. A Peacekeeper entered the cell, holding a deadly looking whip in his hands and Peeta’s eyes widened. Katniss let out a scream.

“No! Peeta! PEETA!”

“Katniss! Katniss, wake up! Katniss please!” Hands were gently slapping her face and her eyes shot open. She gazed into wide blue eyes and she launched herself into his arms, sobbing into his chest. His arms wrapped around her, holding her shaking body to his own.

“It’s ok. You’re ok. We’re safe, I promise.”

“Peeta,” she choked out but stopped. She moved to the side and ran her hands down his side. Two small scars just below his ribcage shone brightly in the moonlight and she let out a sob again. Peeta’s hands covered hers and he pulled her into his lap, taking her face in his hands.

“Katniss, what? What’s wrong?”

“I…I watched them…they were torturing you!” His hand moved to stroke her hair and he kissed her forehead.

“It was just a dream.”

“No! No it wasn’t, Peeta. He stabbed you. With a small dagger. Snow asked you if you were going to cooperate with him and you told him to go to hell. He stabbed you! I watched them…I couldn’t…I couldn’t do anything…”

“Katniss,” he said firmly. “It’s over. Snow’s dead and can’t hurt us anymore. It doesn’t matter what happened to me in there.”

“It does--“

“No, it doesn’t! It’s in the past.”

“Real or not real, Peeta?”

“Katniss--“

“Real or not real?!” He let out a heavy sigh and pressed his forehead to hers.

“Real,” he said softly, closing his eyes. “It was before they started the tracker-jacker venom. They found other ways to…persuade me to do the interview.” Katniss’s hands went to the scars on his shoulders and she moved around to his back, tracing her fingertip over them.

“Why did I never notice…” she trailed off, biting her lip. “Even before the fire-bombs. You were whipped. Some of these scars…aren’t burn scars.”

“No,” he quietly agreed, turning his head to glance at her over his shoulder. “But you weren’t exactly looking at them then.”

“Peeta, why didn’t you tell me?”

“What good would it do, Katniss? You haven’t told me everything they did to you. I remember stopping them with the blowtorches but nothing else. And I know you were in my cell several days before that. So you want to tell me, Katniss? Are we trading torture stories, of how they broke us down?”

“Peeta--“

“No. No Katniss. We’re not trading stories. We’re done thinking about it, alright? We can’t move on if we keep thinking about it.”

“I can’t control my nightmares,” she said shrilly. “And when my dreams take me to your cell and make me watch what they did to you…how can I control that?!”

“You can’t,” he said sadly. “But we don’t have to analyze it when we wake up. Accept that terrible things happened to both of us and leave it at that. We’ll never fully heal, Katniss. But we can certainly keep trying. And to do that we leave the past behind us.” She nodded and his eyes softened as he reached his arms out and pulled her closer to him. He leaned back on the pillow and she wrapped her arms around his chest, nuzzling closer to him.

“I love you so much, Peeta,” she said softly. “I’m sorry but my mind will never be able to block out those images. In my darkest dreams, I will always see you where I couldn’t save you.”

“And in mine I’ll always see your eyes pleading for me to stop, right before I stole your virginity…before I raped you,” his voice was trembling violently. “Your screams will never leave my head. We’ll never be able to forget, Katniss. Believe me, I’ve tried. But we can focus on the happy moments we have had together and try to conquer the darkness. I know it’s easier when I have you in my arms. My nightmares are usually about losing you, but I’m okay once I realize you’re here.” Her eyes widened and she stiffened in his arms. He pulled back slightly, biting his lip.

“Real or not real, I’ve said that to you before.”

“Real. On the train.”

“You hadn’t had any nightmares,” he said slowly, squeezing his eyes shut as if desperate to remember every little detail. “And it was the first night in a long time that you didn’t wake up from one. You asked me…you asked me something.” His hand came up and rubbed his forehead. 

“I asked you why I didn’t know when you had a nightmare,” she said gently, taking his hand. He squeezed it and nodded.

“That’s right. You said I should wake you up and I told you they were about losing you. You were pretty quiet after that.”

“I didn’t know how to respond. I was sorting out my feelings, I knew I felt something for you, I just wasn’t sure what. Forgive me, Peeta. Forgive me for waiting so long…and for putting you through that.”

“As I’ve said, Katniss. Better late than never.” He pulled her to his lips and wrapped his arms around her, holding her in place. She moved against his lap and he groaned as her damp center came into contact with his hardening arousal. He tugged at her lip and she gasped, her hands fisting in his hair. His hands slid underneath the camisole she was sleeping in and traveled over the expanse of her back. She arched her back and tore her lips away to gasp. 

“Since we’re already awake,” he said slyly, waggling his brow. She huffed.

“Don’t sound like you’re being forced to do this. We can just go back to sleep.”

“Come here,” he pulled his boxers down his legs and sat her on his knees, his hand moving to grip himself as he leaned in to kiss her. She dodged the kiss and faked a yawn.

“I’m really tired. Maybe we should continue this in the morning.”

“You would deny me this,” he said, looking scandalized. “After all I’ve been through?”

“Peeta--“

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! But you have to admit, that’s really cruel of you.” 

“Fine. I’ll make it up to you.” She moved to her knees and placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back to the pillows. She knelt and took him into her mouth and his head fell back as he released a moan. 

“This definitely makes waking up from the nightmares worth it,” he said breathily as he threw his head back and gripped the sheets underneath him.


	59. Chapter 59

When Peeta awoke the next morning, his wife was still sleeping. His face was inches from hers and a few dark curls had settled on her cheek. Smiling, he moved them behind her ear and softly touched her lips. His eyes drank her in, his heart beating rapidly.

“This is real,” he whispered. “It’s not a dream. I married Katniss Everdeen. She is my wife.” To further reassure himself, he reached for her hand and his eyes went to the band on her finger. He smiled and kissed her fingers.

“What do you think now, Mom? Am I trash for marrying her? Let me be trash then. She’s better than the entire Merchant population.” 

“Peeta?” He bit his lip as her eyes opened slowly.

“Who are you talking to,” she said sleepily.

“No one, sorry. Go back to sleep sweetheart.”

“No, I’m ok. I think I’ll get a shower and then we can go into town if you want. Maybe lunch at that little place we passed?” 

“Sounds…sounds good,” he said, worrying his lip between his teeth. She didn’t seem to notice and kissed him before throwing back the covers and hurrying into the bathroom. Peeta sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Glancing at the clock, he saw they barely had an hour before Gale was supposed to come. 

“How am I going to pull this off,” he said, chewing on his nails. He quickly dressed and went downstairs to make breakfast. 

Katniss was coming down the stairs, braiding her hair and Peeta smiled as he set the plates of pancakes on the table. 

“Blueberries?” she said excitedly as she sat down. He grinned and leaned down to kiss her.

“Your favorite.”

“I don’t think I ever told you that before.”

“I pay attention. Close attention.” She shoved a forkful in her mouth and smacked her lips.

“And I’m glad you do. These are amazing.”

“Glad you like them. Katniss, there’s something--“ 

DING DONG. Katniss frowned while Peeta went pale, his hand shaking.

“Johanna would just walk into her own house, right?”

“Maybe she wants to give us privacy. You want to let her in?” She shrugged and set her fork down as she ran, bare-foot, to the door. Peeta’s hand went to his forehead as he leaned back in his seat.

Katniss yanked the door open and gasped loudly. Standing on the step was her best friend, who didn’t look any different from how she remembered him. He gave her a shy smile.

“Hey there Catnip.”

“Gale,” she said in a whisper. They stood staring at each other for the longest time, Gale resting his hand on the threshold.

“What….what are you doing here,” she finally said. 

“I…your mother said you were here and I wanted to see you.” 

“You stay in touch with my mother?”

“She calls me from time to time to see how I am. I ask for updates on you.”

“Glad you can both be so concerned about me and yet neither of you will pick up a phone and call me to ask ME how I’m doing,” she said heatedly. 

“Why bother? You never answer my calls. You don’t respond to my letters. I don’t love the sound of endless ringing, Katniss. That’s why I don’t pick up my phone and call you.”

“What do you want me to say to you, Gale? I haven’t seen or heard from you since that day! Did you even think of me? While I was awaiting trial, when I was exiled back to District 12, alone, did you even THINK of me?”

“Of course I did,” he said angrily. “I thought of you every day! But after…after that day…I knew nothing would ever be the same between us! You made it obvious our friendship would never be the same. Why Katniss? Why throw away YEARS of…whatever we had?”

“You murdered my sister,” she screamed, tears pouring from her eyes. “It was YOUR inventions that killed her. I can never live with that, Gale. You took the one person…the most important person to me…I didn’t want children, Gale. Because I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t save her!” 

“Katniss, it was war. We did what we had to. I’m so deeply sorry for Prim’s death--“

“Don’t you say her name,” she shrieked. “You lost that right! Don’t you dare!”

“Katniss--“

“Katniss?” Peeta finally appeared at her side, looking worried. He glanced from her to Gale back to her and cleared his throat. “Is…everything alright?”

“What do you think,” she spat, avoiding looking at either of them.

“Peeta. You’re looking well.” 

“Thank you, Gale. You are too.” The two men nodded to each other and attempted to break the tense silence. Peeta slid his arm around Katniss’s waist but she did not move. She wiped at her face with her sleeve and sniffled.

“Katniss,” Gale said heavily. “I am sorry about…her death. Truly, I feel like I lost my own sister. But I will not apologize for creating the bombs. I told you in 13, we were following the same rule book Snow used when he hijacked Peeta.” Katniss’s hands balled into fists.

“Peeta hated the very sight of me and yet he didn’t create monstrous weapons to destroy life! Only a monster could do that, Gale! A mutt!”

“Katniss,” Peeta said quietly.

“Sure Katniss, I’m the bad guy. I always have been. Never mind that we kept each other alive, kept each other’s families alive. Before this Merchant, there was me! Don’t you forget that!”

Peeta’s brow furrowed and Katniss stepped closer to the door. 

“Why did you come here, Gale? To see if I would change my mind and leave Peeta for you?”

“I’m not stupid, Katniss. I’ve known I wasn’t your choice for ages now. And that’s not why I’m here! I’ve missed my best friend. My hunting partner. The girl I thought I would one day marry. I have missed you Katniss and I wanted to see you. To see if we could put all of this behind us.”

“I don’t think we ever can,” she said with a sob. Gale’s gaze hardened.

“Fine. If you really feel that way, I’ll leave you alone.” He waited for a moment, his eyes meeting hers. Peeta felt like he was watching a tennis match. “Goodbye Katniss.” He turned on his heel and left. Katniss slammed the door shut and collapsed against it, hiding her face in her knees.

“Katniss,” Peeta knelt beside her and tried to hold her but she refused his caresses. 

“Katniss, please. He just wants to reconcile. He wants things to be as they were.”

‘Things can never be as they were,” she looked up at him with streaming eyes. “Never. And maybe I don’t want him back in my life.”

“I know that’s not true,” he said softly. “You miss him. And I know he misses you. Why don’t you--“

“Why are you so hell-bent on me making up with him? You hate him.”

“I don’t hate him. I’ve never hated him. I was jealous of him for the longest time. I’m still jealous of what you two had. He knows parts of you that I will never know. The girl in the woods, the huntress. But he’s right. He protected you. He fought by your side. He’s made mistakes, just like the rest of us. Don’t throw away your relationship over something like this, Katniss.”

“Like this?” Her head shot up and her eyes were wide. Peeta’s eyes widened as he realized what he had said.

“Katniss I didn’t mean that. I just meant--“

“Prim’s death didn’t mean anything to you!”

“Of course it did, Katniss, it’s just--“

“Why are you siding with him? Why Peeta?”

“Katniss,” he reached out and gripped her shoulders. “I’m not siding with anyone. I’m your husband, of course I’m going to support you in whatever you decide. I just think you should think about where Gale is coming from too and take what he says to heart. You were his friend. He loves you. And he loved her too. We all did. But you don’t know if his bombs killed her. And you never will. So you have to decide if that is enough to destroy a friendship, enough to you that is. And I’ll stick by you, whatever you decide. Because I love you and that includes all your faults and your baggage and the wonderful qualities that make me love you so much. It’s up to you to decide, Katniss. I just don’t want you to have any regrets.” She sniffled and shook her head.

“I’m…I’m going back to bed.” She rose to her feet and trudged up the stairs. Peeta watched her disappear and he sighed, slamming his hand against the wall. That dark cloud of doubt he had had when he had received Gale’s phone call was now releasing a violent storm directly over his head.

 

As much as he wanted to comfort his wife, he knew she would want some time to herself. He went outside and sat on the dock, his elbows on his knees and staring out into the ocean. The tossing tides reminded him of his wife’s eyes. Stormy. Unpredictable. Breathtaking. And deadly. Oh so deadly. He had gotten lost in those eyes, sure as a sailor is lost at sea. Sighing, he rose unsteadily and made his way to Annie’s house. He knocked softly and Johanna’s brow raised when she came to the door.

“Expected you two to be off enjoying your free time.”

“Yeah, I know. Can I see Willow? Please?” 

“Annie is feeding her. Come on in.” Peeta followed her to the kitchen and Annie looked up, surprised.

“Peeta. Is everything alright?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You tell me. You’re very pale.” 

“I’d rather not talk about it. I’ll take over now.” He held out his arms and gathered his daughter, holding her head gently. 

“Hi there beautiful. How is it that everything is suddenly ok when I look into your eyes, hm?” 

“You want her bottle?” 

“Thanks. I’m going to take her back to Katniss for a little while. I’ll be back later on.”

“Of course Peeta.” He waved them off and walked back to Johanna’s house, while Johanna shook her head.

“What do you think is the matter now?”

“No telling but I’m sure her family will bring her out of it,” Annie said softly, leaning down to kiss Finn’s nose. She didn’t catch the saddened look on Johanna’s face as she turned away.

 

Peeta carried Willow up the stairs and entered their bedroom to find Katniss curled up in a tight ball in the corner of the bed. Peeta held Willow in one arm and leaned down to kiss her shoulder. She shifted slightly in her sleep and he lay down behind her, bringing his arm around her waist and pulling her toward him. She turned into him and her arm draped over his stomach, her head resting on his arm. Peeta held Willow in the crook of his arm and yawned, smiling down at his daughter. Willow’s tiny hand clutched Peeta’s shirt as her eyes started to close. Holding both of his girls, his miracles, his reasons for breathing, he fell into a peaceful slumber. 

Katniss’s eyes fluttered open to find big blue ones staring at her. Little hands pressed against her cheek and she rose her head up to lean back a little. Her daughter gave her a wide grin, looking so much like Peeta that it brought tears to her eyes. She turned to see that her husband was sleeping peacefully, one of his arms around Katniss’s waist while the other held Willow protectively. She reached up a hand to softly stroke his face before it moved to Willow’s chubby cheeks. Her daughter giggled and touched her face again. Katniss smiled and shook her head. She gently slid out from underneath Peeta’s arm and moved off the bed. She turned to go to the bathroom and her hands flew to her mouth, stifling a scream. For there in the corner of the room, watching the family with wide blue eyes, was her sister. But it didn’t look like her sister. She was missing her usual warm smile, her caring blue eyes, her fair skin and fair hair. She looked angry, miserable; her eyes were cold, like Peeta’s had looked in 13. Katniss lowered her shaking hands and swallowed.

“Prim?”

“Oh you remember me? I was so sure you had forgotten me.”

“Forgotten--Prim, how could I ever forget you?”

“You’ve certainly moved on pretty fast. Got married, had a family, and what do I get? Worms in my mouth, that’s what!”

“Prim,” she choked out. 

“You’re angry with Gale for building those bombs but you should really be angry with yourself. We wouldn’t have been in a war if you had just followed protocol. You could have just married Peeta and followed Snow’s wishes and then everyone would be safe. But it’s your fault that Peeta was hijacked and destroyed. Tortured beyond recognition. You were the one who killed Finnick and so many others. You were the one who cast down those fire bombs!”

“No…Prim, no, please--“

“Stop your whining, Katniss. You got what you wanted, didn’t you? You could have taken the easy way out. You could even have eaten those berries in the arena and saved a bunch of people by doing it.” Katniss’s jaw dropped at her sister’s words. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she shook her head.

“I…I helped with the rebellion, Prim. You have to understand…the war was to free everyone--“

“Do I look FREE to you?” Prim snarled. “Who is free, Katniss? Finnick is dead and his son is growing up without a father. Mom is so far gone, so much worse than when Dad died. You just broke Gale’s heart and now he’s going to kill himself instead of going back to 2,” Katniss gasped and Prim nodded steadily. “And Peeta. He’s the worst of all. He knows you can never love him like he loves you. He knows you didn’t give him a child…he stole your innocence and made you have a child. And you’ll hate him everyday for it.”

“No,” she sobbed, “I love him. I do.”

“I don’t know who you’re trying to fool but Peeta isn’t an idiot. He knows your indifference toward him.” Katniss flinched at the words, remembering similar words.

“At what point did he realize the exact degree of your indifference?”

“I’m not indifferent,” she argued, as she had on that day. “I love him. I love him more than I ever thought I could love a person. Prim, I’m…I’m really happy now--“

“You don’t deserve to be,” her eyes flashed as she took a step closer. Katniss took a step back, her legs barely holding her up. “You are the last person on earth I would wish happiness to. You destroyed too many lives, Katniss. Why didn’t you just eat those berries and let Peeta win?”

“I-I promised you I would win and come home.”

“Well thanks a lot for that. You can see how well it worked out for me! It doesn’t matter, Katniss. You’ll never be truly happy. Everything will eat away at you and in time, you’ll be driven mad.”

“No,” Katniss finally turned away and covered her face with her shaking hands. Prim launched herself at Katniss and wrapped her frail hands around her sister’s throat. Katniss gasped and clutched at the girl’s hands, gasping for breath. 

“Peeta should have finished this,” she growled. “In the Capitol. He should have been the one to do this. Why should you live when so many of us didn’t?” Her hands squeezed tighter and tighter and her thumb pressed against her windpipe. She choked loudly and felt her strength leave her. Prim’s face quickly dissolved and became Peeta’s, his eyes cold and without a trace of blue. Katniss gasped and shook her head.

“P-Peeta!” He squeezed harder, his face screwed up in the utmost hatred.

 

Peeta woke up to strange noises. He glanced down at Willow, who was dozing peacefully on his chest but then he saw Katniss was no longer beside him. The strangled gasps were coming from the floor and he leaned over the bed, his eyes widening. Katniss was rolling around on the floor, her hands wrapped around her throat. 

“Katniss!” Peeta gently moved Willow to the bed and crashed to his knees beside his wife. He grabbed her hands and started to pull them down but noticed she had gone limp, her hands crashing to her side. Her head fell back in his arms and Peeta’s breathing quickened.

“No! No, Katniss, do NOT do this to me! Stay with me! Katniss! Katniss!” He shook her gently, his hands trying to find her pulse. He quickly moved her to her back and knelt beside her. Trying his best to remember what his brothers had taught him about reviving someone--after all, they had to do it in wrestling-, he proceeded to pump her heart. He bent down to her chest, listening, then lifted her chin and opened her mouth so he could give her his own breath. 

“Come on, Katniss,” he pleaded, pumping at her heart again. “Come on baby, please don’t leave me.” Willow had woken up and started to cry and Peeta’s head jerked around at the sound. He turned back to Katniss and gave her another breath.

“Katniss, wake up. Your husband and your daughter need you. We can’t make it without you.” He bent to give her another breath and felt her take a deep exhale. She coughed and Peeta lowered his head to her chest, gripping her hands. He felt her squeeze back faintly and he leaned up to look at her.

“Can you hear me, Katniss?” She nodded faintly and opened her eyes slowly. Peeta’s were clouded with tears and his laps crashed down onto hers. He pulled back and stroked her hair away from her face.

“Oh god, Katniss,” he whimpered. She shook her head, closing her eyes again. Peeta gently pulled her up into his arms and held her against his chest. She could hear his heart racing and her weak arms came up to wrap around him.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” came his sharp voice laced with tears. 

“It was Prim,” she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. “And you.” He pulled back and stared at her with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Prim told me…I didn’t deserve to be happy. That I didn’t deserve to live when so many…she said I should have just eaten the berries and then I’d…” she sniffled and wiped at her nose. Peeta shook his head and gathered her in his arms again.

“It wasn’t Prim, Katniss. She loves you. She will always love you and she doesn’t blame you.”

“Finnick is gone because of me. Finn has to grow up without him and Annie has to do this alone. My mother was destroyed by Prim’s death. Gale…I might have hurt him more than I realized. You…you’re stuck with me. You were never really given a choice if you wanted to be with me or not. When we found out about Willow, it was just assumed that you would stay with me. But I never asked you what you wanted. No one did. You and Johanna were taken because of me. You both have nightmares and were forever changed, because I didn’t play the perfect little victor. I never--“

“Stop it Katniss. Just…please stop it. You don’t know what you’re saying. You had a nightmare, a really terrible nightmare. It wasn’t Prim. Finnick knew what he was doing. Gale will survive. Your mother will survive. I will survive because I have you. We’re survivors, Katniss, because of what you did. Because you brought down the Capitol. We’re not going to bring our daughter up in the world that we lived in. A world of fear and hunger and death and despair. Because of what we did, we have the chance to live in a much better world. There were sacrifices and we will always remember those sacrifices but we don’t stop living. We honor them and continue to love them and we never forget. But they wanted us to go on. They wanted us to keep living, to make it together. Don’t dishonor them by giving up.” 

“You don’t hate me? For what I did?” Peeta stroked her face and leaned his forehead against hers.

“I could never, ever hate you. Even when my mind was poisoned against you, I couldn’t hate you. And I’m not stuck with you. My dreams came true the day you said you would be mine. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much I love you. Just like I don’t think you’ll ever realize what kind of effect you have on people.” His fingers gently traveled over her throat and she swallowed.

“Were you remembering…when I-?”

“No. No Prim came toward me, saying I shouldn’t have lived and she started to choke me. She disappeared and became you. It’s just my nightmares making it be the two people who mean the most to me.”

“I would never hurt you, Katniss. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do, Peeta. I’m sorry…for scaring you.” He sighed and pulled her close again. Willow continued to scream from the bed and Katniss jerked back, just hearing it for the first time. She crawled back onto the bed and gathered up her daughter.

“Shh, you’re ok sweetheart. Mommy’s ok. I’ve got you, nothing’s going to hurt you.” Peeta moved behind her so he could wrap his arms around her waist and rest his hands on Willow’s head. Willow relaxed in her mother’s arms and Katniss started to sing softly. Peeta wrapped his arms around them both and rocked them gently. 

After everyone had calmed down and Peeta made sure there was no lasting damage done to Katniss, he suggested they get up and get some lunch. He changed and dressed Willow while Katniss took a quick shower. When she came downstairs, Peeta was playing with Willow on the floor. She stopped on the last stair and smiled at the sight. Peeta leaned up and kissed Willow’s cheek, whispering in her ear.

“Let’s go check on Mommy.” He held her in one arm and went to Katniss, stroking her cheek.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. I think I need…to get a hold of Gale. Before he leaves the district.” 

“I have the number to where he is staying. Here,” he lead her over to the phone and dialed the number, holding the phone out for her. She took it with trembling hands and took a deep breath. Her heart sank when she heard the receiver click.

“Gale? It’s me…Katniss. I was wondering…um…I was wondering if we could meet? For lunch, I mean?” She closed her eyes and Peeta watched her carefully. “I was hoping we could…talk. We’re both such hotheads. It’s probably good to meet in public so we don’t yell at each other and cause a scene. 2:30 at the Blue Fish? I’ll be there. Yeah, thank you.” She hung up and turned to her husband, whose eyes were filled with caring and love. 

“I’m doing the right thing?”

“Follow your heart, Katniss. Do you want me to be there?”

“I think I need to do this alone…if that’s ok.” 

“I’ll take Willow for a stroll through the district,” he said, kissing her forehead.

“Thank you, Peeta. For being so…understanding.” 

“Katniss we understand each other because we went through the same things. And we survived them by staying together. I may not understand everything perfectly but I will always be by your side.”

“I know,” she whispered as she leaned up to kiss him. “My dandelion that endures the darkness for me. And brings the light with your smile.”


	60. Chapter 60

Katniss nervously stepped inside the restaurant to wait for Gale while Peeta continued on his way, with Willow strapped to his chest. Gale’s dark head appeared moments later and Katniss asked for a table. 

When they were seated, there was an awkward silence. The server smiled and told them to their time and hurried away. Gale cleared his throat.

“I hear they have really delicious shrimp here. I always wanted to try it.”

“You should order it then. I tried some when I came here on the Victory Tour. It is really good. They have good fish too. Not like the little things we used to catch in the lake.” Gale nodded and continued to look over the menu. When the server returned, they placed their orders and quietly sipped at their water. 

“So,” he finally said, putting his glass down. “What did you want to talk about?” She too put down her glass and sighed.

“Gale, I hate how…complicated everything has been. I mean, everything has been like that since I was reaped. But then the war and…Peeta being kidnapped…fighting in the capitol…and…that day…” she swallowed thickly but willed the tears away. “My point is, I’ve missed you too. But I didn’t think I could ever face you again…with the possibility of it being one of yours…I just didn’t see how it was possible.”

“Don’t you at least want to try, Katniss? Aren’t all those years worth that?” 

“Yes. They are. I’ll never forget how you never left my side during the rebellion. We were supposed to shoot each other, remember? What kind of best friends are we?”

“Lousy ones. I regretted it, later. During your trial and they were calling for your execution…I wished I had just shot you like I was supposed to. But I’m glad I didn’t. You look…you look really good, Katniss. Better than I’ve ever seen you. I know you have Peeta…and your baby to thank for that.” She nodded.

“They’re my world. And I’d be lost without them. Truly lost in the darkness, with no way out.” Gale nodded and played with his napkin.

“He told me what you did for us,” she said, making him look up again. “I mean, how you got my restrictions lifted for a few days. It really means a lot to us.” 

“It was the least I could do,” he said quietly. 

“I miss her. I’ll never stop missing her. But Peeta keeps telling me in order to move on, we can’t keep looking back. So I want to move on and not think about that you could have been involved in her death. I won’t blame you. I blame the Capitol, like everything else. For the longest time, I’ve blamed myself for everything. I’m tired of hating myself. It’s exhausting and doesn’t do anyone any good. It’s stupid to lay blame for things that happened. The Hunger Games should never have been started. Period.”

“I agree. Everything that occurred after that was just like a domino effect. No one’s fault but the Capitol’s.” 

“What did you do? When I was arrested, I mean?” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“The Capitol was in complete chaos. I found Peeta, who was being restrained by soldiers. They carted him off to the institution and I followed them to make sure he was well cared for. Haymitch joined me there and we demanded to know what had become of you. Paylor herself visited and asked how everyone was. The doctors told us Peeta would be continuing therapy under Dr. Aurelius and that you were being held in the training center until your trial. So Haymitch, Paylor, and I decided we would do everything we could to get you home. Not even a day later, an election was held and Paylor was elected president. She demanded that you be set free but the Capitol and District 13 both protested, saying you were a national problem. Paylor then set up a board of individuals to represent each district, and called it her congress. The President’s congress did not get along. District 1 and 2 were already angry that you had overthrown the Capitol. Other districts were hoping for Coin to become president. Others supported you and called for your release. We were in chaos for weeks and weeks.” 

“We? You were on the board?”

“Paylor originally chose two from District 12, since the last Games had two Victors. At least that’s how she defended it. She wanted two Victors. Haymitch and Peeta. But the doctors weren’t sure of Peeta’s condition and Aurelius said it would be awhile before he would be released. A lot of people said he would never recover and would have to stay in the Capitol. Haymitch and I disagreed because we had seen what you two do for each other. Anyway, Paylor decided since she couldn’t have Peeta, she’d take me. Haymitch and I became official representatives of District 12 and the rest of the board was outraged. In the end, I resigned, leaving Haymitch as the sole representative. He offered the position to me later on but I declined. Plutarch offered me a job in District 2, helping with the televised broadcasts and the first thing of importance was your trial. Haymitch and I called in hundreds of people for your defense. Victors, your trainers from the Games, people from the districts, Greasy Sae, Delly Cartwright, Annie, even Paylor herself testified in your defense. She was outraged that it was taking so long for them to decide on a verdict. When they announced your innocence, Plutarch and I broadcast it all over Panem and I wanted to be the one to take you back to 12 but Haymitch convinced me it was a bad idea. I hadn’t seen you since that day, you probably thought I had betrayed you since you hadn’t seen or heard from us in months. We were getting daily reports on you from the people at the training center but they never went into detail. They just said you were alive. Well, I knew how you were. I knew you’d be barely holding on. I begged Haymitch to let me be there too but he refused. So I returned to 12 and waited for news from Plutarch. When he came back, he told me you looked frail and weak and close to death. Again, it took everything I had not to fly straight to 12 and see you but I didn’t want my presence to make you worse. Haymitch kept me informed. He called me the day Peeta returned to you, said he had been released and ultimately had cured himself. He also told me about the baby. I was…stunned. I thought…”

“We all did,” she said softly. “She’s my miracle.” 

“How did Cressida react? When she saw you for the first interview? And Peeta? I’ve got to know what he looked like.”

“Neither of them could believe it either. Peeta and I just cried and held onto each other. He was worried, of course. That I still wanted to give her up. But I told him as long as he stayed with me, I wanted to raise her together. And I don’t regret it for an instant. It’s been amazing and it’s even more amazing to look into her eyes and see Peeta in them.”

“Do I get to meet her? Katniss Everdeen, having a child, most people would never believe it. Except I saw how Peeta changed you. How his love changed you.”

“It’s Katniss Mellark now, remember?”

“Too weird. I’ll always think of you as Catnip Everdeen.” For the first time together, she smiled. And he smiled right back. Then, she laughed and he laughed with her. When their food came, the server saw they were more relaxed. More at ease and more willing to laugh. 

“Wait, wait. So you yelled at this woman and she still came back into the Bakery to see Peeta again? Does she have a death wish?”

“She must not have ever seen me with a bow,” she snorted. “That tends to scare people off.”

“I’ll say. You’re deadly with a bow. Did she know who you were? I have a hard time believing that she knew who Peeta was and didn’t know he was married. It’s all over Panem’s broadcasts, for crying out loud.” 

“Peeta and I have never seen any of the broadcasts. We saw our first interview and that was it. I guess we prefer it that way. I spent so much time seeing myself on the   
screen that I’m sick of it. What kinds of things do they say about us?”

“Well there was a broadcast advertising the Bakery when Peeta first opened it. There was one announcing that you had given birth but since they didn’t know details, it was very short and promised Panem details soon. After Cressida’s second interview, there were lots about the happy family and there was even one about Peeta being the youngest of the Baker’s sons. You remain to be a mystery to most of Panem.”

“Not to you though?”

“Ah Catnip, you forget, I was there while we struggled to keep our families alive. You know the whole world may think it’s the sweetest thing, how Peeta has loved you since he was a boy. But we were actually friends during our childhood. Peeta never even spoke to you. We hunted together and fed each other. Doesn’t that count?”

“For whom, Gale?”

“You,” he said, his grey eyes boring into hers. “Does it count to you?”

“Yes,” she said softly. “And I should be the only opinion you care about. Who cares what everyone else thinks? We know the truth and we know what we have been through together.” 

“If you hadn’t been reaped…do you think we would have gotten together?”

“Gale--“

“Humor me, Katniss. Let’s say Peeta had never gotten up the nerve to talk to you. You weren’t reaped. Life would have gone on the same. Would you have married me   
if I had asked you?”

“Gale, I’m not doing this. I do this with Peeta all the time and he tells me to stop. There’s no point in playing the what-if game, because it can’t change anything. I would like to think that had I not been reaped, Peeta would have eventually talked to me anyway. You and I are too alike, Gale. We’re both full of fire and our hearts are harder than most people. Peeta balances me out, he knows how to tame my flames. He’s saved me more times than I can count and I can’t imagine a life without him. You and I would…would never have worked like that.” Gale nodded heavily and took a gulp of water.

“Well then. I’m happy for you, Katniss. You’re doing better than I imagined.” 

“You should come back to 12 sometime and see how it’s changed. The people have done wonders and the Seam doesn’t even look like the Seam anymore. It’s not segregated into Merchants and Seam people anymore, no one goes hungry anymore. It’s incredible.”

“I’ve written to Mom and Rory a few times and they tell me how much it has changed. They also talk about you a lot and praise you for all you’ve done. Maybe I’ll be able to get away from work and come visit soon.” Katniss glanced up and saw Peeta walking slowly by the restaurant. She rolled her eyes at his lack of subtlety but grinned.

“I’ll be right back.” Gale glanced out the window and nodded. Katniss rushed outside and nearly collided with her husband.

“I’m not checking up on you,” he said immediately.

“See, I think you’re lying. District 4 is huge, have you really already walked all of it with Willow?”

“She was getting fussy so I thought I would head home.” Katniss glanced down at her daughter who had only a calm smile. She looked back up at Peeta, her brow   
raised.

“Ok, ok, I wanted to make sure everything was ok. But I was heading home, I swear it.”

“Come inside and eat with us. We just got our food.” 

“Are you sure?” he looked uncertain.

“Yes. Please.” He nodded and took her hand, following her back to the table. He reached over and shook Gale’s hand as he slid in beside Katniss.

“I think there’s someone who wants to meet you, Gale.” She unclipped Willow’s straps and Peeta stood and moved to Gale’s side, bending down to allow Gale to take the babe from his arms. Gale held her cautiously, shooting Katniss a worried look but she smiled and nodded. Peeta moved Gale’s hand to cradle Willow’s head and he sat back down beside Katniss, smiling over at Gale. 

“Hi there, Willow. I’m Gale, your mama’s best friend. I can’t wait to take you hunting one day. I’ll bet you’ll be as good as her with a bow.”

“Two huntresses in my house,” Peeta said worriedly. “I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“You’ll never go hungry, that’s for sure,” Gale said with a smile. 

“Oh something tells me District 12 won’t have to worry about that anymore,” Peeta replied, his eyes sparkling. “Katniss keeps them well-fed.”

“And Peeta bakes enough bread and goodies for all of Panem.” Gale smiled and tickled Willow under her chin. She giggled and clutched his finger. 

“Wow Peeta, she really does have your eyes.”

“She’s starting to look like Katniss, though. She’s got this adorable scowl that I love that I always catch on Katniss when…” he paused, glancing sideways at his wife and he burst out laughing. Gale saw it too and he shook his head, chuckling. Katniss’s brow furrowed.

“What is with you guys?”

“Like right now,” Peeta finished through his laughter. 

“My baby doesn’t scowl,” she said, screwing her nose up. Gale bit his lip to hide his amusement.

“I agree with Peeta. She definitely looks like you, Katniss.” Peeta picked up a piece of fish from Katniss’s plate, still chuckling.

“So how is the little family doing? Everything perfect?”

“Not perfect by any means. We have our off-days of course. We both still have nightmares. Still have our insecurities. But through it all, we keep each other strong.” 

“I’m glad to hear it. You both deserve it, after all this time.” Gale glanced at his watch and grimaced.

“I’m sorry Catnip but I have a meeting I have to attend. Here,” he stood and handed Willow back to Peeta. Katniss stood and he pulled her into his arms. “Thanks,” he whispered in her ear. “For giving me another chance.” She nodded.

“Thanks for meeting me.”

“Of course. I’ll see you back in 12. Take care, Peeta. Bye Willow,” he gently stroked the baby’s head before he headed to the front to pay and then waved through the window before he disappeared. Peeta nudged her gently.

“Glad you did this?”

“I am actually. We’ll never be…what we used to be. But we can be friends. As you’re constantly telling me, it’s no good to bring up the past. Though our nightmares do that enough for the both of us.” He nodded and kissed her temple.

“I’m glad, Katniss. Else it would just be one more thing the Capitol took from you.” She nodded and tickled her daughter with her finger.

“Just tell me one thing,” she looked up at him and saw he looked baffled. “What the hell is up with the name ‘catnip’?” Katniss laughed and leaned in to kiss him.

“I guess there is a lot from my childhood I still need to tell you.”

“We’ve got the rest of our lives to learn it all, Katniss.” 

 

Their next two days in District 4 flew by and much too soon, they were saying goodbye again. 

“Please come visit. All of you.”

“We will. We were talking about coming to celebrate Willow’s birthday in a couple of months.”

“We would love that. Willow would too.” They hugged and kissed and said their farewells. Peeta held Willow tightly as they boarded the train back to District 12. 

When they returned, they returned to their routines. Peeta worked long hours at the bakery and Katniss continued to hunt for the district and when she could, volunteered at the new orphanage that she had helped build. Willow continued to grow and Peeta was amazed to see how much she resembled his beautiful wife. One evening when he came home completely exhausted from work, he found the house quiet and the lights were off. Frowning, he walked up the stairs to his room to find his wife and daughter asleep on the bed. Katniss was naked, under the sheets, with Willow asleep under her chin. Peeta leaned against the threshold, completely captivated. He hurried into his studio and grabbed his sketchpad and charcoals, then sat on the edge of the bed, his prosthetic tucked underneath him. He sketched his wife and daughter, and put more love into his artwork than any other masterpiece created.   
Katniss’s eyes fluttered open at the sound of charcoal on paper. She lifted her head to see Peeta immersed in his work. When he looked back at her, he smiled.

“Hi.”

“Hi. I didn’t hear you come home.”

“I know. Sorry I was late.”

“What are you doing?” He held up the drawing for her to see and her eyes softened.

“Peeta.”

“I just…had to. When I came home to this, I had to put it down so I could never forget it. Not that I ever would but so I could enjoy it forever. It’s so perfect.” 

“Come here. Let’s make it even more perfect.” She held out her hand and he smiled. He stood and placed the paper and charcoal on the desk before tugging his shirt over his head. His eyes lingered on hers while he unbuckled his belt and shoved his pants down his legs. Climbing into bed with her, he pulled the covers back and settled in beside her, wrapping his arm around her and nuzzling in close. Willow remained asleep and Katniss’s eyes began to close again. Peeta kissed her shoulder and lay his head beside hers, falling asleep with his family.


	61. Chapter 61

“Mommy! Mommy, has Daddy finished my cake?” Katniss looked up at the bouncing five year old, her long dark hair hanging in her face and her wide blue eyes sparkling with laughter. She couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re not even supposed to know about that, Willow.”

“Mommy. Daddy makes me a cake every year,” she said patiently. Katniss laughed again. 

“You’re right. But act surprised, won’t you? He’s been working hard on it.” Strong arms picked the little girl up and whirled her around, eliciting a scream and a giggle.

“Happy birthday to my sweet baby girl,” Peeta said with a smile as he kissed his daughter’s cheek.

“Daddy! I’m not a baby anymore!”

“No but you’ll always be my little girl. Shouldn’t you put your hair up? It’s almost time for your party.”

“Mommy, braid my hair for me!”

“Have Daddy do it. I need to finish setting the table.” Peeta picked her up and tousled her hair.

“Come on sweetheart, I’ll make my princess look beautiful.” He carried her up to her room and set her down in front of her little vanity he had built her. She handed him her hairbrush and he gently brushed out the tangles. He smiled as he divided her hair into two braids, reaching for the ribbon she often wore in her hair.

“Can I wear Aunt Prim’s hair ribbon today?” His hand froze and his eyes darted to the blue ribbon lying on the vanity.

“It’s a special day and she would love for you to wear it. Hand it to me, princess.” She eagerly handed him the ribbon and he tied the end of her braid with it. He bent down and looked over her shoulder into the mirror.

“You look beautiful, my little princess.” He kissed the top of her head and started to leave but she caught his hand.

“Daddy, why does Mommy scream in her sleep?” He swallowed and turned back to her.

“Hm?”

“I sometimes hear Mommy screaming in her sleep. Does she get nightmares?”

“She does, sweetheart. We both do. But I calm her down and chase the nightmares away.” She got up and flung her arms around his waist.

“You’re my hero, Daddy.” Peeta tried to will the tears away. As the years had gone on, it seemed that his emotions could still run away with him. After all this time, he still woke up next to Katniss and for a moment, couldn’t believe that it was all real. It had been years since he had a flashback and he even managed to keep the nightmares away. Katniss, on the other hand, still woke up screaming but would relax immediately once she found she was in his arms. As Willow grew, so did the district. As did Panem. Under Paylor’s rule, Panem flourished and expanded. Katniss feared the day that Willow would begin school and would start asking questions about the Hunger Games. But for now, she enjoyed her daughter’s ignorance.   
Peeta knelt and hugged his daughter, kissing her forehead before he left the room. 

He found Katniss in the kitchen, setting a vase of dandelions on the table. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and buried his nose in her hair. 

“How is it, after all this time, you still take my breath away every time I see you,” he breathed.

“Because you’re such an emotional sap,” she teased. He whirled her around and held her face with both hands as he leaned in to kiss her.

“Peeta,” she scolded. “It’s your daughter’s birthday.” 

“And she’s upstairs getting ready.”

“Come on and help me. They should be here any minute.” There was a knock at the door and Katniss sighed.

“Damn. They’re early. Get that for me, won’t you?” Peeta nodded and claimed a quick kiss before he hurried to the door, nearly tripping on his daughter.

“I can get it, Daddy!”

“Let’s get it together,” he laughed. Willow was first at the door and she flung it open, squealing with delight.

“Aunt Jojo! Uncle Gale!” Gale was inside first and he swept up the little girl, twirling her around.

“Happy birthday, Willow! Wait a second. You’re not Willow.” He set her down and frowned.

“Yes I am!”

“No. No, you’re a grown up princess. My Willow is a little girl.”

“It’s me, honest,” she giggled. Gale sized her up, turning to his wife, who ran a hand over her large belly.

“I don’t know. Johanna, what do you think?”

“It certainly looks like our Willow.” 

“It’s me! Daddy, tell them it’s me!” Peeta shook his head.

“Have I been doting on the wrong princess all this time?” 

“Daddy!” Peeta laughed and picked her up again, tugging on her braid. He gazed into her eyes, the big blue orbs they shared and he smiled.

“Oh yeah. It’s definitely Princess Willow.” 

“Oh, forgive us, Your Highness,” Gale swept low into a bow. Willow giggled in her father’s arms.

“You’re silly, Uncle Gale.” He grinned and kissed her forehead. 

“Knock knock,” came a soft voice from behind them and Willow squealed again. 

“Aunt Annie! Hi Finn!” Finn ran to his friend and flung his arms around her.

“Happy birthday Willow! Guess what I made for you?” He held his hands out, revealing a smooth shell with tints of orange along the inside. There was a hole at the corner and a ribbon was pulled through so it could be worn as a necklace. Willow’s eyes widened.

“You made this? For me?” 

“Yep. Happy birthday!” 

“Oh Finn,” she breathed gently as he reached around to tie around her neck. Peeta leaned over to hug Annie in welcome and he and Gale exchanged looks. 

“Come on in everyone. Willow, why don’t you and Finn go play outside until the rest of your friends get here?” 

“Come on!” Willow grabbed Finn’s hand and they ran out the front door, nearly flattening Haymitch who was coming up the stairs.

“Whoa, where’s the fire Willow?”

“Hi Granpa! Look what Finn made for me!” 

“Hmm. That’s beautiful work, Finn,” he said as he studied the shell.

“Let’s go show Aunt Prim!” Willow took Finn’s hand and they ran up the road.

“Every time she calls me that, I feel a little bit older,” Haymitch grumbled. 

They chuckled as Peeta took their coats and scarves.

“Better be careful, Peeta, or you’ll be giving Willow away really soon.” 

“He’s just like his father,” Annie giggled. “Such a flirt. Where did they run off to?”

“The memorial,” Haymitch lowered his voice. Annie bit her lip and glanced at Peeta, who shrugged.

“Katniss doesn’t like for her to go and see it but it makes her feel closer to Prim that way. So I say what’s the harm in it?”

“Does she know how Prim died though,” Gale said quietly. “Has she started asking questions yet? About you guys?”

“Sometimes. Katniss doesn’t want her to know about the Games but we’re in textbooks now. She’s going to find out soon. She asked me this morning why Katniss screams in her sleep.” Johanna shook her head. 

“Where is Katniss?”

“In the kitchen. Johanna, how are you feeling?”

“Ready to pop,” she sighed. “This kid needs to get out soon.” Peeta chuckled.

“You look pretty close. How much longer?”

“Four weeks,” Gale said nervously. 

“Is everything ready?”

“We just finished the nursery last week.”

“Correction, I finished the nursery. You sat on the couch and ate chocolates and watched me work,” he playfully scolded her.

“I’m pregnant. That’s my excuse.” Gale rolled his eyes.

“Was Katniss this bad?”

“She was the opposite. She wouldn’t sit down for a damn minute and rest. Always had to be moving.”

“Talking about me?” she asked as she rounded the corner, going straight into his arms. He grinned.

“Always.” She accepted his kiss as an apology and moved to hug her friends.

“Thank you for coming!”

“We wouldn’t miss her 5th birthday! Such a big day.” Katniss’s eyes widened at Johanna’s protruding belly.

“Good lord Jo, are you carrying twins in there?”

“Don’t even joke like that. Gale’s mother said he was a big baby when he came. This kid will be impossible to push out.” 

“You’ll do amazing,” Gale whispered, stroking her belly. 

“Katniss, can we help with anything?”

“I think I’ve got it all covered but thank you. Peeta, do you want to set up the cake?”

“Sure. Be right back.” Peeta went to their large fridge that they kept in their basement and carefully carried Willow’s cake up the stairs. There was a collective gasp from the room when he emerged. He set the cake on the table and grinned. It was a beautiful three-tiered cake shaped like a castle. There was a tiny princess on the top tier and on the bottom in green writing was “Happy Birthday Princess Willow”. 

“Peeta, that is really amazing.”

“Thank you Annie.”

“She’ll love it, Peeta,” Katniss said as she leaned up to kiss him. 

“Mommy! Daddy! They’re here!” Katniss took a deep breath and Peeta’s arm wrapped around her waist.

“Show time.” 

 

“Thanks so much for coming! Bye bye,” Peeta waved off the last of the guests and closed the door, breathing heavily. He entered the kitchen where Gale was cleaning the floor.

“Why are five year old kids the messiest things out there,” he grumbled. 

“I’m sure six year olds are worse,” Peeta said with a chuckle as he grabbed a broom to help. 

“Oh trust me, they are,” Annie said as she threw away the last of the plates. “But it seems like she had a wonderful time.” Peeta looked at the half-eaten cake and groaned.

“There is so much cake left over!”

“What do you expect when you make a three-tiered castle,” Johanna snorted. “Not even kids can eat that much sugar.”

“I call bull on that one,” Gale chuckled as he shook his head. 

“Ok, the living room and sitting room are cleaned up,” Katniss said as she entered the room, throwing the rag into the sink. “Now all that’s left is…” she stopped and flung her arm out to brace herself against the wall. Peeta turned to see her nearly fall and he was at her side in an instant.

“Katniss? What’s wrong?”

“I…I don’t know. I just got really lightheaded for some reason.”

“You’re exhausted from this party,” Annie scolded. “You’ve worked yourself to the bone.” 

“Annie’s right, honey, why don’t you go up and rest for awhile? We’ll finish cleaning.”

“I’m…I’m fine.”

“Katniss,” Gale said sternly. “Would you listen to your husband for once?” 

“Ok,” she said reluctantly, shakily making her way out of the kitchen. Peeta watched her and bit his lip. 

“She’ll be fine, Peeta. Here, help me move this table back.” Peeta gripped the table and hoisted it up but a loud thud made him drop it again. He ran into the living room and let out a small cry. Katniss was sprawled on the floor in front of the stairs and looked very pale.

“Katniss! Katniss, baby, please, answer me!” He crashed to his knees and pulled her into his lap. She was breathing normally but she didn’t stir.

“What happened?” The others had entered the room and Annie rushed to their side.

“I just found her this way! Annie, please--“

“Let’s get her to the hospital. Johanna and Annie can watch Willow.” Peeta nodded and scooped up his wife in his arms, following Gale outside. 

 

Peeta paced the waiting room until Gale couldn’t take it anymore.

“Peeta, please. Just sit down and wait until the doctor comes out with news. You’re making me crazy.”

“I’m going crazy. What’s wrong with her, Gale? She was just fine this morning. Maybe a little tired but she worked a double shift at the orphanage yesterday.”

“I don’t know but we both know she’s a fighter. She’ll be alright.” Peeta sighed and sat down for a moment, resting his elbows on his knees. When the door opened he sprang up and rushed to the doctor.

“How is she?”

“She’s awake and doing just fine. You can go in and see her.” Peeta followed the doctor into the room and sighed with relief when he saw her sitting up in bed, the color having returned to her face.

“Katniss.” He rushed to her side and fell to his knees, clutching her hands. 

“I’m ok, Peeta.” He brought her hands to his lips and lowered his head.

“You scared the hell out of me. What happened?” 

“I just over-exerted myself. Apparently pregnant women need more rest than I’ve been getting.” Peeta’s head shot up, his eyes wide.

“Did you say-?”

“I’m pregnant, Peeta.” She was smiling but his brow furrowed in confusion.

“But…how? You were taking--“

“I stopped taking it. I wanted to surprise you but…not in this way.” 

“You…you stopped taking it?”

“I heard Willow asking you for a little brother or sister for her birthday and you told her she had to ask Mommy. That you would like that too. And with us doing so much better…I thought we could have another one. I should have told you but I didn’t think it would happen so soon.” His eyes were wide and glassy as he studied her.

“When?”

“Last month.” 

“That’s why you were waiting for me on the porch, naked, that day.”

“I was not naked,” she said crossly. “I was still dressed.”

“In a robe, Katniss. With nothing underneath.”

“Anyway,” she said shrilly, a pink blush staining her cheeks. “Are you happy?”

“Of course I’m happy! Are you?”

“Yes. I am,” she said with a smile. He shook his head and leaned down to conquer her lips. 

“Katniss?”

“Hm?”

“I hope it’s a boy this time.” She grinned and ran her fingers through his hair.

“Me too, Peeta. A boy who looks just like you.” 

 

“Honey? You here?”

“Kitchen!” Peeta hung up his flour-covered apron and kicked his boots aside. He caught sight of his reflection and frowned at how much flour and batter he had gotten on his cheeks. Sighing, he attempted to wipe at his face as he went into the kitchen and looked around for his wife. She was wearing nothing but one of his old paint shirts halfway buttoned and his favorite pair of orange lace underwear. Her long hair cascaded down her back like a chocolate waterfall and his fingers itched to bury themselves in the thick locks. She was spooning chocolate into a dish and Peeta watched her put finger to her mouth and felt himself harden. He slowly made his way toward her and wrapped his arms around her, leaning in to kiss her neck.

“You scared me,” she scolded.

“Thought you said I had the loudest footsteps in the world.”

“You do. But I wasn’t paying much attention.” 

“You should,” he moved her hair off her neck so he could kiss her and her eyes slammed shut. “You’re a Huntress. What if someone just walked right in and seduced you? Like I’m doing right now.”

“You could try,” she whispered huskily. “But I’m pretty faithful to my husband.” 

“Really. Lucky guy. You’re a beautiful huntress. You captured me from across the room.”

“I tend to have that effect on men.” His brow raised and he nipped at her ear, tugging it between his teeth.

“Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps you’re a Siren, luring men to their doom with your unmatched beauty and your song.” 

“Am I luring you to your doom, sir?”

“I believe I am done for. I believe I was done for when I walked through that door.” 

“You have a way with words. But so my does my husband. And he should be back any minute.” 

“So you’re saying I have to seduce you quickly?” 

“As I said, you can try. You’d have to give me a pretty good reason though.”

“Reason? Look at me. Am I not handsome enough?”

“Handsome yes but no comparison with my husband. He looks like a Greek God.” Peeta bit his lip to hide his laughter.

“Then a Goddess you must be. Here, I brought something for the Goddess. Taste.” He held out a cheesebun and allowed her to bite into it, and she smacked her lips in appreciation.

“You bake?”

“Occasionally. I’d much rather bake for pretty young goddesses whose husbands don’t feed them properly.” 

“My husband feeds me plenty. Here, why don’t you try this?” She scooped up the chocolate onto her finger and held it to his lips. She turned to face him while his eyes darkened with lust as he licked the chocolate from her skin.

“Delicious. Do you know what would make it even better?”

“What’s that?” Peeta moved swiftly, gathering as much chocolate as he could from the bowl and spreading it across her neck and chest. She squealed and jumped back.

“Peeta!”

“Oh is the game over already?”

“You ass, now I’m going to be all sticky and--“ she fell silent as she felt his tongue travel across her flesh, thoroughly cleaning her. He sucked at a pleasure spot underneath her jaw and she moaned, her knees buckling. 

“I think I need more,” he said, his voice laced with lust. He unbuttoned the rest of her shirt and reached around for more chocolate, then brought his hands up to caress her breasts. His thumbs covered her nipples in the sweet substance and he licked his lips before taking one into his mouth. She cried out and grabbed his hair, leaning against the counter for support. He moved to the next one, licking all the chocolate and sucking on her as if she were his favorite sweet in the world. Which was in a sense very true. Her hands flew to his belt and she quickly had his pants undone and shoved down his hips. He stood up while she dropped to her knees, looking up at him as she cupped him through his boxers. While he shoved them down his legs and kicked them aside, she gathered more chocolate on her hands and gripped him tightly. Her tongue followed her fingers and his knees nearly buckled in pleasure. She released him for a moment to look up at him and his finger ran across her lip before she took him again. His hands moved to her hair and he gripped her dark locks in his fist. She let out an appreciative “mmmm” and the vibrations made Peeta’s eyes slam shut. 

“Katniss! Shit, I’m coming!” Seconds later she felt him explode deep in her throat and she let him fall from her lips. But she gave him no mercy. She gathered more chocolate on her fingers and took him in her hand again. He gasped, his hands flying back behind him to grip the counter as he gaped down at her. She stood, tugging slightly upwards, and leaned up to kiss him. He held her face in both hands as he tugged her bottom lip between his teeth. She whimpered and he dropped to his knees. She was about to hand him the bowl of chocolate but he grinned up at her.

“You’re sweet enough on your own.” Oooh, the way her panties wet with those words. Peeta noticed and he smirked up at her as he leaned in to touch his tongue to her covered folds. He held her leg up and draped it over his shoulder so he could move closer. Pulling her underwear down her legs, he tossed them over his shoulder and buried his face between her thighs. She let out a scream and tossed her head back, as she held onto his hair with a death grip. He hardened at the feel of her tugging on his curls and he plunged two, then three fingers into her, curling them just the way she liked. 

“Peeta! Peeta, oh my god!” His thumb made hard, fast circles as his tongue delved in and out then he pulled back to look at her as his fingers continued to work at her. She came with a scream and Peeta put his mouth to her to devour her sweetness. When he rose to his feet, his face glistened with her arousal. She bit her lip and tugged him to her, her lips conquering his. She slid off the counter and he turned her around, bending her over slightly. Her hands flew to the shelves overhead as he slid into her, picking up his pace and pounding into her relentlessly. He reached around and rubbed at her sensitive clit, making hard circles with his fingers. 

“Peeta,” she panted, tossing her head back against his chest. One of his hands gripped her hip and he cried her name as released inside her. He rested his forehead on her sweaty back for a moment before picking her up and setting her on the table, pulling her to the edge and thrusting back into her again.   
They came together, screaming the other’s name, just as they loved to finish. He ran to the guest bathroom to fetch a wet rag and he tenderly cleaned her before he attended to himself. Katniss slid off the table and smiled.

“Had to get one more in before Willow comes home?”

“We can send her to Jo’s and Gale’s more often,” he said with a grin. “I like the alone time we get.”

“What time does she come in?”

“Not until 6. I thought we’d go to the station together to pick her up. But I told Gale he’s welcome to stay the night if he doesn’t want to head back immediately.”

“I’m sure Johanna and Abby would like for him to return quickly.”

“Johanna said Abigail is sleeping through the night. She sounded quite relieved.”

“I’m sure! It was nice when Willow did when we first brought her home. I hope this little guy does the same.” Peeta finished buttoning his pants and he lowered to his knees and planted a kiss on Katniss’s rather large belly. 

“I think I thought of a name,” she said and he leaped to his feet.

“Yeah?”

“Ryan. We could call him Rye for short.” Peeta looked considering.

“Rye. I kind of like it on its own. Rye Kellen Mellark.” 

“For my father?” she asked with wide eyes.

“If it’s ok.” She tugged him up to her lips and his hands covered her stomach.

“I love you,” she whispered.


	62. Chapter 62

“Here we are,” Peeta said as he spread out the picnic blanket. Katniss handed him the basket and turned away, her hand going to her mouth.

“Willow! Rye! Come have lunch.” She waited for a moment, huffing when Willow did not turn back to her. Peeta chuckled.

“She’s as stubborn as you.”

“And Rye has to follow her everywhere. I wish she set a better example for him.”

“She’s young. She’s already a great big sister.” 

“I know but I also wish she would listen more. And I wish they would find some other place to play.” Peeta smiled and stood next to his wife, wrapping his arms around her.

“Willow! Come on and eat! Bring your brother with you!” Willow scooped up Rye and carried him back to their parents. Katniss huffed again.

“Sure, she listens to you.”

“Katniss,” he said patiently but she shook her head and sat down on the blanket. He settled beside her and pulled the basket toward them. Their children sat beside them and Rye immediately crawled into his mother’s lap. Katniss smiled as she bounced him in her arms and Rye’s giggles echoed across the empty meadow. Peeta bent down to kiss his son’s cheeks and Rye turned to look at him, a broad smile on his face. His stormy grey eyes fixed on his father’s and Peeta felt his breath leave him. The moment his son was born, he had wept to see that he had his wife’s eyes. Now that he was a little older, the child had grown a thick patch of blonde curls, like his father’s. Katniss affectionately run her fingers through them and Rye reached up, reaching for her. She bent down and he wrapped his little arms around her neck. Willow moved closer to her father and he pulled her to kiss her cheek.

“Here, your mom made a sandwich for you,” she accepted the food from her father and chewed quietly.

“Mommy. Daddy. Were you in the Hunger Games?” Katniss froze and Peeta glanced quickly at her before smiling at his daughter.

“You knew we were. We’ve told you that before. Why do you ask now?”

“My teacher has a book about all of the Victors of the Hunger Games. You and Mommy competed against each other but still came back home together?” 

“Your mommy and I protected each other. Like we have always done. Like we will always continue to do.”   
After lunch, Willow ran off to play in the fields again, with little Rye toddling to catch up with her. Katniss watched her children with a worried expression. Peeta sat behind her, his legs stretched out and held her close against his chest.

“It’ll be alright, Katniss.”

“They have no idea,” she said quietly. “They don’t know how terrible that world was. How can we tell them, Peeta? How can we tell them without frightening them to death?”

“Katniss, the arenas have been destroyed. The Games will never exist again. And the districts have been rebuilt. Panem is such a better place. It’s history, Katniss. They will learn about it and they will be strong. We can show them the Memory Book to help them understand. It’ll be alright. I promise.”

“How do you know?”

“Because we have each other. And that’s all that matters.” She sank into him as he kissed her temple and she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she saw Willow dancing around the dandelion field, twirling around and laughing. Rye had tried to follow her and instead lay on his stomach in the dirt. Tears filled Katniss’s eyes.

“They don’t know that they’re stepping on the ashes of our friends. Our family. Of their district. They’re playing on the bones of their brother.” She let out a sob and his arms tightened around her.

“It’s not just a mass grave anymore, Katniss. It’s a place to remember them all. It’s a field of dandelions, a field of hope and a meadow of new life. Look at our children play. I could never have imagined my life like this. And I would endure all of it--the Games, the Capitol, the hijacking- I would take it all again, because I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again. All of the terror we went through…it was all worth it.” Her hands covered his and she closed her eyes again. He leaned in and kissed her tears away. 

“I have to constantly remind myself that it’s real,” she said softly. “That it happened and that we’re here, raising these kids together. On the bad days, the ones I really just want to stay in bed, I make a list of every act of goodness I’ve seen someone do. You’re at the top of that list, Peeta. You are everything that is good and perfect in this world.” 

“You’re the greatest good I could ever ask for,” he said, nuzzling her cheek. “You are everything and more. After all this time…twenty years, hasn’t it? After twenty years, you still make my heart race. It beats only for you.”

“Has it really been twenty years?” He nodded. “Wow. Time flies.”

“When you’re raising two children, yeah it does,” he chuckled. 

“Did you hear that Jo is pregnant again?” 

‘That’s so great for them! Abigail will be a big sister.” Katniss nodded and felt his warm breath on her cheek. They sat there watching their children play in the meadow and relaxed in each other’s embraces. The world continued around them but for that brief time, they were lost in the perfection of that moment. As Peeta held onto the love of his life, the girl he had yearned for, for years, and stared at the two little beings he had helped bring into this world, the two beings who were a mixture of him and his beautiful wife, he felt all words leave him. In that moment, Peeta Mellark was lost for words and could only stare at the perfect sight before him, determined to fix it to his memory for all time. So that years down the road, if he ever had to ask, did it really happen, he could answer himself with a broad smile and a racing heart.

Real. 

 

END


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